#i didn't get diagnosed ocd btw; my therapist said i had obsessive tendencies but not really the compulsive criteria
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If you ever happen to see me walking and for whatever reason you happen to look long enough to be making observations and those observations happen to be that I'm staring at the ground just ahead of me, moving at an inconsistent pace, seeming to jolt at random moments due to suddenly switching from long adult strides to "toddler learning the stairs meets choir kid" step-together-step-together, then shhhhhhhhhhh....no you didn'ttttttt
Cause you see there's a feral neurodivergence goblin running wild in my brain who's a big fan of "oooo shiny!", and if something catches its eye it locks in, and if it becomes aware of my feet + any cracks, colors, textures, or different materials I'm walking on that will be the only thing it can focus on until said feet stop moving. So you see in order to appease the beast each foot needs to step on each area of Differentβ’ and in an equal amount or in a consistent, balanced, alternating pattern that ensures an equal number of steps on Differentβ’. Because if one foot steps on something that the other doesn't that foot feels π¬π§π€π£π and the goblin will continue to state that it is π¬π§π€π£π, that it is οΏ½οΏ½π£ππ«ππ£, that it is ππππππ§ππ£π© on a non stop loop until it is rightfully evened out by completing the missing step or an acceptable substitute balancing step is agreed upon, and trust me, you don't want to be part of those negotiations.
Signed,
A person who has been sat down for half an hour yet can still feel one yellowish carpet foot and one purplish carpet foot distinctly
#one foot can't go concrete brick concrete while the other goes concrete concrete -are you nuts?!#unless the walkway has a repeating pattern of strips and you immediately follow up with concrete concrete and concrete brick concrete (obvi)#and don't even get me started on the little bumpy panels on each side of a crosswalk#but you also need to factor in which foot you step with first because it will make or break a successful walk pattern#not to mention all that goes into having to on the spot adapt your approach to correct or accommodate new factors#........ this is probably the type of thing i should have brought up when i was being considered for ocd#i didn't get diagnosed ocd btw; my therapist said i had obsessive tendencies but not really the compulsive criteria#she still might be write but then i do things like this and i wonder if maybe i just didn't share enough examples#what do you mean no one else is thinking like this#you don't come to this completely rational conclusion that this is the Correctβ’ way and therefore only choice?#you're telling me you grab a cold door knob with one hand and just carry on?? you don't grab it with the other for equal cold???#you just roll with the feeling of utter imbalance with no guaranteeing it evens out yet I'm the strange one??#living on a college campus has made me so much more aware of how much i do this#like why did you have to make the floor out of so so many different floors? why must you mix the floors so much?#this is bare minimum finally voicing this monologue I've had with myself countless times to the possibility of an audience#but like statistically someone out there probably has gotta relate- right?#astertings#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#monkey brain
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