#i didn't even realise camelotsheart had the sigil as their icon lmao what a coincidence

[deepend-swimmer]

Arthur's mother sigil and his love for Merlin

this is the elaboration I promised on my last merthur post (the 'arthur realised he loved merlin unconditionally on the last episode' one) if asked and since @camelotsheart asked I did it :) it's quite big but bare it with me:

As I see, Arthur associates everything that has to do with his duty as prince with Uther. Maybe because Uther loved Ygraine so much and still gave her life for an heir, he only truly ever seen Arthur as the future king, at least more than his actual son. However, Ygraine had Arthur because she wanted a son and not because she wanted a prince, or at least that's what Arthur could have seen as. He never got to actually meet her, but maybe in his eyes, the fact that she died for him and still loved him regardless showed that love didn't have to be conditioned to his duty. So, for Arthur, his mother kind of represented everything he could have been and already is outside of a prince.

And Arthur's affection to Merlin is, for most part, seen outside his duty. "I know I’m a prince, so we can’t be friends, but if I wasn’t a prince..." well excuse me sir, I've seen you be friends for at least a season, 8 episodes ago you were calling him "a true friend". Arthur, for so long, sees that his relationship with Merlin would be different if they weren't on their respective positions, but then he keeps contradicting himself on either they are friends or not (through both actions and words). Yet, when he express to Gwen the wish he sometimes has of leaving Camelot and his duty, have a little farm somewhere no one knows him, it's not surprising that he would bring Merlin, because Merlin is still a defining feature of his life had he not been a prince.

To counterpart this, Arthur's love to Gwen is tied with his position as a prince and Uther. Their relationship starts with Arthur trying to stepdown from his place as prince, he loves Guinevere in defiance to Uther, he thinks of her as his future queen, even when he tries to give up his love for her it's so that the people of Camelot don't see him as weak. The one time he considers his love for her outside of being Prince and King Arthur is when he tells Morgana he would runaway with Gwen now, to then, one day, return back to their rightful place as king and queen of Camelot. If that wasn't enough, Gwen's love for Arthur overcoming her love for Lancelot also comes from his position as prince, when he shows himself to be a more merciful royal and more in touch if his people than Uther. Even one of the ways Gwen demonstrates her devotion and love to Arthur is by taking care of Uther after Morgana's betrayal.

I think everything starts to change in The Coming of Arthur, the first time that he isn't the heir of Camelot. And throughout it all, Merlin is the one beside him, not wavering his devotion or leaving his side for once, sort of proving to Arthur what he had always thought: his and Merlin's relationship isn't conditioned by his position as prince, even if, ultimately, they are master and servant.

Then, season 4 happened. As far as I can see, Arthur realises he is in love with Merlin when he is sure he is going to lose him. It's probably one of the first times since they've met that Arthur needs to let Merlin go and for what? His duty to Camelot and his people. Merlin is literally dying and Arthur wants to take him back to Camelot himself, but he needs to stay in order to insure that no one else from his kingdom dies by the hands of the Dorocha. And even in his dying moments, Merlin begs Arthur to stay by his side. When he comes back alive, Arthur can't even say anything, he needs some full seconds to compose himself. From that point and on, Arthur openly refers to Merlin as his best/only friend. If the longing, lovingly stares weren't enough to prove that at that point Arthur already knew he loved Merlin, we have the fully scripted, filmed and edited deleted scene: Arthur gives his mother's sigil to Merlin.

I think it says a lot that it was planned for his mother's sigil to go to Merlin and the Pendragon's seal to Guinevere. Merlin getting one of the only things Arthur has of his mother, the one person he sees as proof that love for him doesn't need to be conditioned to him being the Once and Future King of Camelot, when since the very beginning of the series Merlin destiny was to fulfill Arthur's as that king. And I see it as Arthur best effort to acknowledge all that and let Merlin know that he loves him just as much as he loved her. On the other side, Gwen getting the seal shows once again how much their love, despite its true nature, is really tied with Arthur's position and he passes down that condition of reigning Camelot to Guinevere, because he knows she will fulfill it with her whole heart just as he had always seen it.

So when in the last episode, he finds out that Merlin is what his father has battled his whole life, something that Arthur had time and time again decided to keep it outlawed for the sake of Camelot and that Merlin had supported it all those times, putting Arthur's and Camelot's sake over his own, he is understandably taken back. Merlin put his duty to Arthur above everything, through years and years and all Arthur had ever wanted was to give off his own to spend his life with him. But now, he already gave the royal seal to Gwen, Arthur is no longer the sovereign to Camelot and he is there with Merlin, in a place no one knows him, and he doesn't feel the weight of Albion upon his shoulder and Merlin still loves and cares for him despite his initial rejection and he is dying. He has everything he has ever secretly wished for but with the unfortunate detail that he is dying, despite how much Merlin wants to convince himself he can save him.

It takes time for Arthur to forgive Merlin's betrayal, not because he has magic but rather because he didn't trust Arthur enough to not need to lie for all this years when Arthur trusted him far above anyone else. He ultimately forgives Merlin because he can feel himself succumbing quicker and quicker with each second and he doesn't want to die with Merlin thinking he is angry at him or worst, that he hates him. Then, Merlin goes all the way and make the plow fields speech and Arthur thinks he could break right there, the devotion overflowing Merlin's being with every word acting as a switch inside his mind: there is not one bit of Arthur that doesn't love every single bit of Merlin and nothing could ever change that.