#i didn't drove myself to oblivion when i my best friend left me to get married nope | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thelozzaview · 3 years

Text

Ok time 2 get serious

On my website I am copying and pasting from there to here to tell you what's been happening with me for the few weeks I haven't been active:Sorry it’s been a while since I last posted anything but let’s just say its been quite an ordeal for us Marchbank’s. Some friends and family know about it and the year we have had hasn’t been easy for any of us. I have been effected by it like we all have since anyone that we know that has heard about it. I have a hole in my heart from losing my grandpa a while ago now but still recent and raw for all of us. I have been crying on and off now but since it happened everyday including the lead up to Saturday because it happened on Saturday sometime in January I have been messed up ever since even as messed to go to a psychologist it is helping but I have yet to heal i might have more to struggle with in life that’s coming for me I have my dance work starting up again soon. I might get more effected then by it but also have to keep dancing without having a grandpa to turn to tell him I am still dancing it will be the hardest time but somehow I want to convey the pain and hurt I’m feeling into the work I am working on also someone else wants to work with me and we are building something together something to do with TRUST which I am really looking forward to. I also have had my birthday and now I am 27 years old now and that's another sad moment in time because I didn't get a hug and a present from him and he won't be around to do so in the years to come in life we had to bury his ashes net to his wife my grandma Gwendolyn "Benny" Frearson now they can soar together today another week starts Monday. Today I have done my morning routine that should include a workout which I did at home because let's just say my chocolate/ screaming for any food at all stage of being a girl "oh the joy" housework and hanging out with my family and looking after mum lazing around the house and cooking tuna patties with mum then went home to lash out on food I was screaming for because I hadn't had any food since lunch had a nap then had a lot more food including dinner had Indian didn't really like the chickpeas at all so all i had was chicken and nutrigrain bar watching ANT Farm oh yeah I have a new obsession "new artist" but this one is actress/singer China Anne McClain she has acted in a number of movies Tv Shows:

ANT Farm which I am still re watching,

Descendants: Wicked World

JONAS

Tyler Perry House of Payne,

Sing Your Face Off

Paynes

Veggie tales

K-Love Superstars

Black Lightning which I am currently still re-watchingI have been listening on repeat and watching on repeat every Disney Tv show on Disney + and soundtrack she is featured in. I have been learning and mastering Young Guns for singing lesson including the rap from The Messenger but I'm convinced its Gabriel McClain her brother rapping in the song. Another highlight popped in my mail just now that me and Talitha someone I met while working together in our first Dance Film Workshop we clicked right away and knew that we are the friends that we are now our own family she invited me to a open rehearsal at the beach a while ago Annette came with me and now wanting to work together it's meant to be so I really hope we get it i would be like jumping up and down inside out when we both find out. The time now is 5:39 and just having my dried out grapes for afternoon tea now and when it's 6pm dinner time until 6:50 I'm going to have the rest of my dried out fruit, spinach and an apple not a solid meal but it might knock my weight down let's see mum told me in her serious tone about how worried she is about my weight and how I was at risk of diabetes a long time ago with my hyperthyroid problem and will have to inject myself into oblivion in the present day to manage everything along with the life stresses along with my loss of my grandfather is weighing down on me mentally, emotionally and physically which has my weight gone flying up again I'm not this person. I'm the kind of person who would have a say and say NO and be good like how I used to be fit and vigour and ready for anything not the girl who is down and depressed with the loss of her grandfather I guess I will just have to sit with it until I get there in the end and be that person again and I will forget that girl ever existed throw her to the sharks but for now just enjoying and basking in the limelight of life waiting for a job to come along because Mum and I are applying and finding more work for me to keep me busier in the days of the weeks so my life is more balanced to not rely on people to hangout with me everyday which I am still doing now until then. So I had my dinner apple and microwaved spinach then went to dance Alice picked me up I had fun she then took me home after car partying to Descendants 2 soundtrack CD I got for my birthday came home and drank water until 9:45 now watching ANT Farm thinking of going to bed now thoughI might as well do that now because I am yawning next week I will update next Monday for my readers. Yesterday I had a day to myself i have been through my period so to start off the day was shower, morning workout, grocery shop afternoon sleep to guided nap meditation on Spotify then after singing lesson at mine because Z has lost her voice from pushing too hard at her gig on Tuesday night and has 2 gigs this weekend.

So the next best thing for me to do which was chat to her for like a 2 message chat with her around 5:40pm which was fun watched Maleficent but thought I was watching the second one which I haven't watched in a while since I came back from a holiday with the family which I will do on Thursday night and I had my singing practice and loz parties which are always fun had cheese n mac for dinner dare iced mocha, bread as my ANT Farm viewings and chips/ smoothie for my movie watching snacks which was enjoyable when it was time I went to bed and woke up to Thursday which is today.

started today with shower, smoothie to kickstart my tastebuds and breakfast then by 9am had Zumba which was fun then Annette came to pick me up to have some fun with me which we did we drove home together got changed and caught the bus to Chamberlain coffee shop because I might be working there if i get the job that is mum is finding work for me now I have been home quite a bit we finally got onto Bernie and I am working with her during the month of April which is exciting so need the rest before working long hours plus

Talitha who I met when Bernie and I joined Dance Film Workshop were hoping to work together around that time also and we are working with the idea of Trust and we have some footage to work off together which we are excited to get going so things are turning the right direction for me in that front did some last minute shopping and now home to recover had my afternoon nap that wasn't long at all because mum and I have some errands to do together and an afternoon tea together with Susan who is going back home so mum will find out the details for that until I can re-cooperate until then

So i went to Susan's and had a bit of cake and some water and talk and hangout with Anna and watched the football and mum had to go out tonight so we left at 5pm and now the time is 6:18 just showered washed my hair and everything else what stays in the shower stays in the shower now about to unwind and have a lozza party once again

Gem and I finally agreed on going to Dawesville tomorrow night and coming back on Saturday so I can still have my parties so its a win win situation for both of us were both really looking forward to hanging out with each other again she told me herself my phone is playing with me it keeps turning on and off again and it wont let me go on it in bed like I usually do i know that will keep dad happy because I'm not really supposed to have screen time then

I want to go to Alvin to get it fixed with Phoebe so i can keep using my phone because I don't just use it for entertainment I also need it for its own functions to call my family ever night and morning to help me to start and end day I am charging my phone to hope for it to work again ore night so far not success but I will keep my eye out through the night and morning until i call my parents again but enjoying my Disney + party. I will go to bed soon though

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