#i didn't claw my way back from the brink of death multiple times

[queervegancryptid]

Spent the morning rage-crying about shit. Now I have to go gently break up with a doctor so as not to burn bridges in this bitch-ass medical desert I somehow live in despite being in the largest city in the country by land mass.

I have to find a nice way to tell them, "I appreciate your help, but I haven't made any progress in the year I've been coming here. I've been put in touch with a doctor who seems like a better fit at a practice that has people who may actually be able to help me. I have to switch, because you don't seem too inclined to actually help me."

It'll be a challenge to stop myself from adding something like the following: "Billing my insurance 3-4 times a month is what you want. You don't actually care about me. I'm tired of waiting for you to do something useful. I'm tired of wasting my time on someone who won't do their job, which is literally to help me."

I'm really done playing with this shit. I'm done with people blowing me off and then having to pretend I'm fine with it.

I know the world is literally on fire and there's genocides and my country may be about to become a/an (c)overtly fascist dictatorship slash oligarchy. I know all of that matters a lot more than me.

I just wish I felt like I mattered at all. The way people treat me, it doesn't feel that way. It feels like I'm going to slowly, silently die in the next year or two if I don't change something. I'm between a rock and a crazy place, and I don't want to do it anymore. It's not fucking fair.

It's just not fucking fair.