#i did try to shorthand a lot to fit but nailing the wording on things Especially once summaried is. not something im good at.

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch. 68-69 (nice)

This is the “Castlevania” arc.   It’s only two parts, but I want to slow down and take my time with this one.

Okay, so in the last chapter, Alucard was fighting Alexander Anderson, who used one of the nails from the True Cross to pierce his own heart, which transformed Anderson into some sort of miraculous creature made of thorny tendrils.   Then he struck a heavy blow on Alucard’s head, and just sort of kept on going down his neck and chest.  

And as far as we call tell, this is the most danger Alucard’s been in since the story began.  Anderson lopped off his head in their first encounter, and even that didn’t stop him.   Now, in this “holy monster” form, Anderson can grow back body parts just as easily as Alucard, and he seems to be able to hurt Alucard a lot more than ever before.  The irony is that Alucard might have been honored to lose to Anderson, but only when he was a human foe.  Now that Anderson has used the Nail of Helena to become something inhuman, Alucard feels that it diminishes their fight.   

Regardless, Alucard is in serious danger, or so it seems.   Even his horde of familiars are bursting into flames all around him, which I assume is a side-effect of Anderson’s attack.   As this happens, Alucard appears to lose consciousness, and flashes back to his childhood. 

This whole flashback seemed like a nonsequitur to me when I watched the Hellsing Ultimate OVA, but I think it makes a bit more sense this time around.  As a boy in the 1440′s, Vlad Tepes was something of a religious fantatic, much like Father Anderson in 1999.   He pledged to never ask God for anything, which I don’t think is theologically sound, but let’s run with it.  The point here seems to be that Vlad felt it was more pious to endure hardship while keeping his faith in God.

For example, in this scene, we see Vlad being dragged away to be raped, and he grabs the cross he wears around his neck for solace.   He doesn’t beg God for mercy or deliverance, but simply clings to his faith to see him through.   

I’m assuming the man in shadow is Sultan Murad II of the Ottoman Empire.  In 1442, Murad summoned Vlad’s father to Gallipoli, and he went there with Vlad and his brother Ruda.  The Sultane then imprisoned all three of them, and eventually released Vlad’s father, but kep the boys as hostages to ensure the fahter’s loyalty.   There was a period when Vlad’s father sided against the Ottomans, and he presumed his sons had been killed, but in fact they survived and eventually returned to Wallachia.   So maybe Kouta Hirano is taking some creative license here, and suggesting that Murad II took out his anger on Vlad in other ways. 

Eventually, Vlad became the Voivoide of Wallachia, and in this flashback we find that he considers fighting to be a form of prayer.   Not for mercy, because Vlad refuses to ask for that.   Instead, he seems to believe that if you just keep fighting hard enough, God will descend from the heavens.   None of this made sense to me the first time around, but once you start interpreting this in the context of Vlad as a religious extremist, it starts to add up.   Anderson’s fellows in the Iscariot Organization were literally blowing themselves up to help Anderson defeat Alucard, and they were happy to do it, because they saw it as a holy mission.    Anderson himself was eager to use the Nail to make himself into a monster, because he craved to be a single-minded instrument of God’s will.   A righteous bludgeon to smite the wicked.    Vlad Tepes’ “bloodlust” seems to have been inspired by a similar zealotry, at least as Hirano sees it.

But in the end, did God descend to respond to Vlad’s “prayers”?   The image of the modern Alucard is all the answer we need.    Of course that didn’t happen.  

I’m just cribbing from the Vlad the Impaler page on Wikipedia, but from what I gather about Vlad’s final years, he was fighting for the office of Voivoide of Wallachia against Basarab Laiotă , who had support from the Ottoman Empire.   Vlad fought and lost, probably dying in battle in December 1476/Janury 1477.   The story goes that his corpse was cut into pieces, and his head sent to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II.

So Kouta Hirano depicts Vlad’s final moments with him being captured and executed.  This is certainly plausible, and it gives Vlad a chance to reflect on his failure before he meets his fate.    He fought and killed so many people, daring to resist the Ottomans even as he ruled a state that was basically controlled by the Ottomans, and I guess he must have known how impossible that would be, which is why he counted on God to deliver him, so long as he fought hard enough.

But in that final moment, just as the axe comes down on his neck, he still has his cross... but instead of taking solace in that, he reaches out instead for the puddle of blood in front of him.    The axe comes down and shatters the cross, just as Vlad Tepes forsakes his humanity.  

So maybe all of this is a way of Alucard accepting defeat.   Defeated and humbled, no longer a servant of God or a leader of men, no longer even a man, he renounced his faith and became the vampire Dracula, and eventually Alucard.    But now Anderson seems to have the upper hand, so maybe, after 523 years, Vlad Tepes is back where he started, facing an inevitable death.  

And you know, maybe Anderson’s monster form represents the divine intervention he was waiting for back in the 15th Century.   After all these centuries of battle, you might say that God finally did descend from heaven to respond to Alucard.   So maybe this is a fitting swan song for the guy.  He wanted to die at the hands of a human adversary, but maybe this works too, right?  

But then he hears someone calling out to him, and...

Hey, it’s Seras!

So yeah, we’re back to the real world, and Anderson’s well on his way to chopping Alucard in half and burning him with holy fire or something...

And Alucard’s still out of it...

And then Seras jumps in to save his ass!   Cool!

The only problem is that this was killing Alucard, and Seras is less powerful than Alucard, so she’s probably not going to be able to do a lot of good here.    For that matter, this might just get both of them killed.  

And this is why I think this moment is cool.   When Team Four Star did their Abridged parody of Hellsing, they sort of skipped this whole “Seras jumps in” part of the fight.   Instead, they did a whole thing where Alucard has a near-death experience and talks to God.   Then he rejects God’s offer of forgiveness and goes on to defeat Anderson by himself.   I don’t care much for that, because Seras is my favorite character, and I find the whole routine of “Well maybe I don’t need your forgiveness, God!” kind of stale and limp.    Can something be stale and limp at the same time?  

Like, I think I get that a lot of atheists are sore at the whole “organized religion” thing, but it seems kind of silly to write a whole bit where the premise is that God is real, but only so we can all tell him to get lost.  Like, I’m a Christian, so I can’t really relate, but if I thought God didn’t exist, I wouldn’t spend all day writing angry text messages to God to remind him of how fake he is.  

But mostly, I just really like Seras, and this is a cool Seras scene, and I think that deserves attention, so here we are.

The Alucard-Seras relationship is complex by design.    With Integra and Alucard, there’s not much to it.   She literally addresses him as “slave” at one point, and he repeatedly talks about himself like a weapon that she has to point at her target.   There’s something kind of like that with Al and Seras.   In one of their first missions together, he sends her to take out a bunch of ghouls just so he won’t be bothered, and it’s almost like he’s weilding her as a weapon.  But he also never leans on that too hard.  For one thing, there’s not a whole lot of thngs Seras can do for him that he can’t do more easily himself.   

It feels a lot more like a Master/Apprentice relationship, which may not strictly be a vampire thing, because he’s teaching her how to hunt vampires and how to be a vampire at the same time.  I think Seras has the same sort of devotion to her master as he does for Integra, but that’s mostly overshadowed by a more down-to-earth respect and admiration.   She sees him like a superior officer and a mentor, but she also knows that he has this strange charm over her that she can’t explain or resist.  

One of the things I can’t stand about he Gonzoverse Hellsing Anime is how after a while they just started having Seras say “Master...!” over and over.    I get it, there’s some power in the way she says it.   It means a lot of things to her.   I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that “Castlevania part 2″ inspired some of that, but I don’t know what chapter of the manga was published when the anime wrapped up.   But it annoyed me that they just used “Master...!” over and over again as a shorthand for Seras’s feelings.   You have to do something with it.  Demonstrate it, like we’re seeing here with Seras trying to remove a blessed bayonet from Alucard’s torso.    She has to help him, even if it means risking her own neck, because he means so much to her, and she wouldn’t be here without him.   And yeah, she’s his vampire servant, so this seems like something a loyal servant should be doing.   Stickin’ together is what good waffles do.

Let me pause here to note that this marks the destruction of whatever remained of Dandyman and Rip van Winkle, the only “name” characters featured in Alucard’s menagerie of absorbed souls.    Whatever Anderson is doing to Alucard, it’s destroying them, irrevocably.  

So it occurred to me one day, what if Seras has to save Alucard, not out of slavish devotion or plucky heroism, or even righteous loyalty?   Way back in Chapter 1, Integra explained vampires to the local authorities, and said that when you kill a vampire, you also destroy all the ghouls and servant vampires that were created by that first vampire.   In other words, if Alucard were to be destroyed, Seras ought to die with him.    So maybe her efforts here could be nothing more than self-preservation.    I’m not wild about that idea.   Maybe, after drinking Pip’s blood, Seras “graduated” from that lowly status, and she no longer depends upon Alucard in this way.  

But I think the point remains either way.   They’re in this together.   Alucard called the two of them a family, and it wasn’t just creepy vampire talk.   There’s a bond between them, and it matters to both of them.   And that’s why Seras’ intervention here is what brings Alucard back from the brink.   By rushing in to help him, Seras has placed herself in danger, and now they have to rescue each other.

I like this part where he puts his hand on hers as they pull out the bayonet together.    It’s like the moment when Seras reached out to Alucard in Cheddar and he took her hand then.   Well, that was only in the OVA, but still.  

Alucard tells Anderson that he might have welcomed a death like this, maybe back when he was about to get beheaded in 1476, but now, he refuses to be defeated.    523 years ago, he was at his lowest ebb.   He had nothing.   Today, he has Seras.  

And... yeah, he has Integra too.   I don’t want to dismiss the importance of that relationship.   But Integra could find a way to get by without him if she needed to.   He has a responsibility to Seras, though, and Seras’s loyalty trumps whatever death-fantasies he might have on his mind.

Then Al turns into this form, which I guess is the same outfit he was wearing back in 1989, when Integra found him in the basement.  Not sure if that’s supposed to mean anything, though.  

Oh, and I guess there’s still a few familiars that didn’t burn up from before?   This is the last time we see them though, so maybe this final attack finishes them off.

As Alucard strikes the final blow on Anderson, Integra flashes back to her father, who taught her about the vampires’ inner psyche.    Arthur Hellsing suggested that vampires don’t have a whole lot to show for their immortality.   They crave conflict, not for its own sake, but becuse they long for death.   Not just any ol’ death, but a kind of death that they could take some solace in.   We’ve already seen this in Alucard, as he seems to relish the idea of being killed by a human like Anderson, or van Helsing.    If all he wanted was death, he could have let that Ottoman headsman finish the job 523 years ago.   Instead, he lost everything, and he’s spent centuries with nothing to take comfort in.   And that probably explains why Alucard is so happy with his service to Integra.   At least she gives him a purpose, a duty, a cause to fight for.  

And finally, Alucard rips out Anderson’s heart, with the Holy Nail still in it. 

And he crushes it, which I guess it enough to neutralize the Nail’s effect?   Well, cool enough then.

But Al takes no pleasure in this victory.   He sees in Anderson a reflection of himself, back when he was a human.   The fanaticism, the failure, the rejection of humanity to become a monster, and then failure again.   

And then Anderson, or whats’ left of him, consoles Alucard before he dies.

[sophroniaa]

Perfectly Lovable

(just quickly wanted to say a huge thank you for the love on "Admiring", it honestly means the world to me. 🖤 & aaaalso, this might turn into a two parter if you like it?? idk)

Word count: 1,3k

Trigger warnings: Mentions of alcohol, being hungover

You wake up the next day, hungover to say the least, trying to deny the real reason as to why you got so drunk in the first place.

It had struck later in the afternoon and you were sitting in the backyard with Rook, enjoying the afternoon sun before it would set and the degrees would start dropping for the night. You had all been having a lazy day. A few of the guys even just starting to come back to life after last night's party. It hadn't been too long since you'd gotten out of bed yourself, feeling too hungover to move. Your thoughts wandered back to the night before, trying to remember what had happened past midnight… you came to the conclusion that the night could be rounded up very easily, as you'd been way too drunk since most of the night came up as a thick fog. The throbbing headache only proving your mental point further.

"It's been a while since I drank that much…" You mumbled to Rook, which only gained a snort in return. "Tell me about it." He chuckled as an answer to your statement, also thinking back to the events of the night before. "Have to say you took me by surprise when you challenged me to a tequila race." He said after a few seconds of silence, the images from the night before playing clearly in his mind. 

The new information caused you to push your sunnies further down your nose to look at him, eyeing his facial expressions trying to see if he was fucking with you. You covered your face with your hands in slight embarrassment when you realized he wasn't. "No fucking wonder we feel like absolute shit today." You said shaking your head, no longer finding the aching body & foggy memories strange.

"Don't think I've ever seen you that drunk." He stated before taking another sip of his pedialyte. You leaned over and took the plastic bottle from him before taking a gulp of your own. A grimace quickly spreading across your face once the taste hit your tastebuds, holding out the bottle to read the flavor.

"Euw, you willingly drink the mixed fruit flavor?" You exclaimed, more than happy to give him the bottle back.

He burst out laughing at your reaction. "So you're able to down multiple shots of tequila with a straight face but pedialyte gets you?" He teased, smirking so big that his eyes squinted a little.

"Shut up asshat…" You mumbled before offering him a playful smile.

"You seen Kells today?" You asked instead, not sure if you dare hear anything else about your drunken state from the night before. You leaned your head back, letting the sunshine rest on your tired face.

Rook only shook his head in response. You could see from the corner of your eye that he sneaked a peek at you trying to read your feelings. "So…" He started to say before falling quiet, like he was debating whether or not to bring it up. "We gonna talk about why you got so fucked up last night?"

You leaned your head back again to enjoy the warmth of the sun whilst hiding away behind your dark sunglasses. "I'm good, Rookie." You said flatly, knowing exactly what he was trying to get at. "Not like I haven't seen him with other girls before."

Not like you hadn't seen him with other girls before wishing it was you in their place.

"I'm just saying… Even an idiot would connect the dots, he brings over his "new girl" & you, who normally don't drink much, gets absolutely trashed."

"That's not why!" You protested.

"Oh yeah, then why did you get so drunk?" He was quick to ask. "Enlighten me." His voice letting you know just how much he believed you, which would be about approximately zero procent. Deep inside, you knew you were crushing so incredibly hard on Colson. It was just easier pretending like you didn't. The palms of your hands would start to sweat just by the simple thought of actually telling him. You could only imagine standing right before him trying to explain the situation, to you that sounds like nothing but a bulletproof plan for a break down.

This caused you to sit in silence for a while, trying to come up with something smart to say… Reaching for anything, really. So far you'd been doing a horrible job at trying to convince him. To be fair, you were probably the one needing the convincing. However it fooled neither of you, no matter how hard you tried to deny stuff. When you came up shorthanded you sighed loudly, signaling that he'd won this time around as well.

Fuck models, switch condoms. You felt your heart thug a little, thinking about the constant variation of girls in his life. As of right now he was seeing a brunette model that you honestly couldn't remember the name of, not too long before that it had been a blonde.

You hated it.

How they would stride into his life chasing that bad boy fantasy, wanting a taste of the exciting celebrity world, being MGK's center of attention for a short while.

Something you hated even more was how they knew exactly what they got themselves into, only to become disappointed when he immediately didn't change his ways and grant their wishes by becoming a whole other person for them.

"You've got that look on your face again." Rook pointed out only to sigh dramatically when he realized you'd slipped deep in thought about Colson, again.

"Sorry, what?" You sat up, straightening out in your seat, coming back to reality after he had nudged your leg with his.

"I said, you've got that look on your face again." Rook repeated. You looked at him dumbfounded.

"You get a bothered look on ya face when you think of the constant switching of girls." Rook explained in a matter of factly tone. Trying to even out your furrowed forehead with his thumb to further prove his point. You were quick to shake your head.

"It's not that… " You said while hating how well he could read you, always knowing exactly what's on your mind. Part of you knew there really was no point in denying it, he could read you like a book at this point. In a desperate attempt at keeping your mouth shut you started to chew on the insides of your cheek, but unfortunately it didn't take long before you spoke again.

"I just hate how they exactly know what they're getting themselves into and yet still have the nerves to act disappointed, demanding this and that, ultimatums left and right… " You mumbled, picking at your nails. "Leaving him to blame it all on himself thinking he's a complicated man to love."

When in reality it was the complete opposite, perfectly lovable the way he is. He was in no way complicated if you saw him for who he was instead of trying to change him into what you thought best fit. Understanding how the things he had been through shaped him into his whole existence. He still had his struggles, but who doesn't? He put on a tough act a lot of the time, acting like nothing could get to him, sometimes even talking a big game, sure thing, but underneath all that was a mushy lil' Colson. A side to him he wouldn't show to just anyone, you had to connect with him. Vibe with him. Almost like he needed to make sure your intentions were good before he could let his walls down a little. He wasn't just an angry guy, shouting into the microphone at an impressive pace. There was so much more to him than the established MGK image.

Never had you met a more genuine or kind-hearted guy, so naturally your heart ached when you oh so clearly could see people taking advantage of that.

Bitches, news flash, this ain't build-a-man factory.

"Dude, just fucking tell him already!" Rook exclaimed, clearly becoming impatient with how you acted like you only saw him as a good friend. "You the type of girl he should be with. These toxic models ain't doing him no good."

"Someone to date him for who he really is, shows him patience and acceptance. Understands his issues and encourage him to get better." He saw the hint of uncertainty spreading across your face as he talked. "Stop that, I honestly think that equals you." He said, putting his palm on the left side of his chest. "You just need a little encouragement to get over your nerves." He teased.

You couldn't help but smile at Rook's encouraging words, loving how he always rooted for you no matter what. You reached your arms out to embrace him in a big hug, a way of showing your appreciation towards him. "Everyone needs a Rook in their life." You mumbled into his chest.