#i did this originally w my bsd dr self so yeah

[chaoticloveyshroom]

INCORRECT QUOTES W BSD CHARACTERS AND GN!Y/N!

Dazai: What do you think Y/N will do for a distraction?

Atsushi: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Atsushi: ... or they could do that.

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Dazai please come to the front desk?

Dazai, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Y/N and Atsushi

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Y/N and Atsushi, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Dazai: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

*Dazai and Y/N sitting in jail together*

Y/N: So who should we call?

Dazai: I’d call Kunikida, but I feel safer in jail

Dazai, driving Y/N and Atsushi: So how was your day?

Y/N: We almost got surprise adopted!

Dazai: What?

Atsushi: We almost got kidnapped.

Dazai: Oh, okay.

Dazai: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Dazai: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Y/N: How am I supposed to know?

Atsushi: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Y/N: *sighs*

Y/N: You wouldn't be trapped.

Dazai: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Y/N: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Atsushi: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Dazai, texting Y/N: Y/N! Help I’m being kidnapped

Y/N: Where are you?

Dazai: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Y/N: I’ll call Atsushi.

Atsushi, answering their cell: Y’ello?

Y/N: Where’s Dazai? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Atsushi: Dazai? Whaddya mean, he’s right next to me-

Atsushi:

Atsushi: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Atsushi: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!

Dazai: WHO ARE YOU?!

*The squad is having dinner together*

Dazai: Y/N, can you pass the salt?

Y/N: *Throws Atsushi across the table*

Dazai: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Y/N: *turning to Atsushi* How tall are you?

Dazai: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.

Y/N: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Atsushi isn’t

Dazai: I trust Y/N.

Atsushi: You think they know what they’re doing?

Dazai: I wouldn't go that far.

Dazai: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Y/N: Dazai no.

Atsushi: Mistlefoe.

Y/N: Please stop encouraging him.

Dazai: What time is it?

Y/N: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Y/N: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Atsushi: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Y/N: It’s 2 am

Dazai: Why are you on the floor?

Y/N: I'm depressed.

Y/N: Also I was stabbed, can you get Yosano, please.

Y/N: In my defence, I was left unsupervised.

Dazai: Wasn't Atsushi with you?

Atsushi: In my defence, I was also left unsupervised.

Dazai: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Y/N: You people already know too much about me.

Atsushi: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Dazai: While I’m gone, Y/N, you’re in charge.

Y/N: Yes!!!

Dazai, whispering: Atsushi, you’re secretly in charge.

Atsushi: Obviously.

Kunikida: Dammit, Dazai!

Dazai: What?! It wasn’t me!

Kunikida: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Atsushi!

Atsushi: Not me either.

Kunikida: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Y/N: *whistles*

Kunikida: Dazai isn’t answering their phone

Y/N: I’ll call

Kunikida: Atsushi and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Dazai: Hello?

Kunikida: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Dazai: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Atsushi: I personally was created in a lab.

Y/N: I just straight up spawned lol.

Dazai, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Y/N, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Atsushi, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Kunikida, trembling: What are we playing

Kunikida: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

Y/N: Put spaghetti in it.

Kunikida: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

Atsushi: Put spaghetti in it.

Kunikida: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

Dazai: Put spaghetti in it.

Kunikida: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

Kunikida: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Y/N: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Atsushi: I got distracted about halfway through.

Dazai: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Kunikida: I think Dazai was right.

Y/N: I'm surprised he hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Atsushi: He wouldn't do that.

Dazai: You're right, Atsushi. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Dazai: *turns around, the shirt he’s wearing says 'Dazai Told You So' on the back*

Kunikida: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Y/N: Plane tickets?

Atsushi: Concert tickets?

Dazai: Prostitution?

Kunikida, holding his broken frames: Glasses.

Kunikida: I think we're missing something.

Y/N: Teamwork?

Atsushi: Cohesion?

Dazai: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Kunikida: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Y/N: Is it me, Kunikida?

Kunikida: No, it’s not you.

Atsushi: Is it me, Kunikida?

Kunikida: It’s not you either.

Dazai: Is it me, Kunikida?

Kunikida:

Kunikida, mockingly: Is IT mE Kunikida?

*Dazai is cooking*

Y/N: Any chance that’s for me?

Dazai: It’s for Kunikida. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.

Atsushi: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

Dazai: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Y/N: I think you mean cards.

Dazai, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

Dazai: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Y/N: What did you do?

Dazai: Nobody died.

Y/N: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Y/N: Go to Hell

Dazai, tearing up: I wish I could

*Dazai and Y/N are doing something absurdly dangerous*

Dazai: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!

Y/N, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

Dazai: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Y/N: You and me!!!

Dazai, tearing up: Okay.

Dazai: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]

Y/N: What's that?

Dazai: Remorse code.

Y/N: I'm even angrier now.

Dazai: This is such a bad idea.

Y/N: Then why are you coming along?

Dazai: One of us needs to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Dazai: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Y/N: I do have a sense of humour you know

Dazai: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Y/N: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

Dazai, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

Y/N: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

*Dazai and Y/N skipping stones on lake*

Dazai: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Y/N, whispering: Take that you fucking lake

Dazai: Where are you going?

Y/N: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Dazai: Violence isn't the answer.

Y/N: You’re right.

Dazai: *sighs in relief*

Y/N: Violence is the question.

Dazai: What?

Y/N, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Dazai, running after them: NO-

Y/N: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Dazai: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Y/N: Absolutely not.

Dazai: This is a mistake

Y/N, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Dazai: But not today

Y/N, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

Dazai, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.

Y/N: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!

Dazai, with the tone of someone who is used to Y/N: Outstanding.

Dazai: This is what I’m talking about people.

Dazai: I turned out perfectly fine!

Y/N: Dazai, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast

Dazai: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

Dazai: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Y/N: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions of the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Dazai: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

Dazai: How petty can you get?

Y/N: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Dazai: You saved me. I owe you my life.

Y/N: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

Dazai: Y/N and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-

Y/N: Sentences.

Dazai: Don't interrupt me.

Dazai: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Y/N: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

Dazai, pointing: May I sit there?

Y/N: That's my lap

Dazai: That doesn't answer my question, Y/N.

Dazai: Welcome, fellow idiots

Y/N: Hello, Dazai

Dazai: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot

Y/N: You underestimate me

Dazai: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Y/N: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Dazai: Death is a social construct.

Dazai, tending to Y/N's wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Y/N: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Dazai: Okay, truth or dare?

Y/N: Truth

Dazai: How many hours have you slept this week?

Y/N:

Y/N: ...Dare

Dazai: Go to bed.

Y/N: I don’t like this game.

Dazai: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Y/N: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

Dazai: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Y/N: It’s not a joke.

Y/N: *sniffles*

Y/N: I’m a legit snack.

Y/N: I prevented a murder today.

Dazai: Really? How’d you do that?

Y/N: self control.

Dazai: So that’s my plan.

Y/N: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.

Dazai: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.

Y/N: It fucking sucks.

Dazai: That’s not constructive criticism.

Dazai: You love me, right, Y/N?

Y/N: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

Y/N: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Dazai: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

Y/N: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Y/N: Am I going too far?

Dazai: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Atsushi: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Dazai: Not if they consent to it.

Y/N: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Kunikida: YES?!?

Dazai: I'm sad.

Y/N, nodding: mood.

Kunikida: What does 'take out' mean?

Atsushi: Food.

Tanizaki: Dating

Dazai: Murder

Y/N: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Kunikida: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Atsushi: Several traffic violations.

Tanizaki: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Y/N: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Dazai: Also, that’s not our car.

Kunikida: Anyone d-

Dazai: Depressed?

Y/N: Drained?

Atsushi: Dumb?

Tanizaki: Disliked?

Kunikida: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people …

Kunikida: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Dazai: 'Prettiest Smile'

Tanizaki: 'Nicest Personality'

Atsushi: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Y/N: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Kunikida: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Dazai: Rude.

Tanizaki: That’s fair.

Atsushi: Not again.

Y/N: Are you going to want this back?

Kunikida: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Atsushi: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Dazai: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Tanizaki: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Y/N: My moral code, is that you?

Kunikida:

Kunikida: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Kunikida: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Dazai: ... Your what?

Kunikida: My friends.

Tanizaki: Is he saying “friends”?

Atsushi: I think he’s being sarcastic.

Y/N: No, no, no, this is delirium, he’s cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Kunikida! All of your friends are in this room.

Kunikida: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Dazai: I’m an idiot.

Kunikida:

Tanizaki:

Atsushi:

Y/N:

Dazai:

Kunikida: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

Kunikida, trying to convince Y/N to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!

Tanizaki: And silent!

Atsushi: And grumpy!

Dazai: And oblivious to reality!

Y/N:

Kunikida: Where's Dazai, Tanizaki, and Atsushi?

Y/N: They're playing hide and seek.

Kunikida: Where?

Y/N: I don't think you get how this game works.

Kunikida: Good morning.

Dazai: Good morning.

Tanizaki: Good morning.

Atsushi: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Y/N: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

Y/N: Dandelions symbolise everything I want to be in life

Dazai: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Y/N: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Ranpo: edible