#i did this in one single 12 hour sitting from 11pm to 11 am for my drawing 3 final that evening

[lokistahley]

-"How long are you gonna stay with me?" - -"Forever."-

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post #2 - Thank You

What an overwhelming 36 hours it's been. An endless amount of phone calls & messages of support got me through what was an agonising day of waiting yesterday. This blog was started to keep my family and close friends informed about my journey but it's grown into so much more.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to each and every single one of you that took the time to reach out and wish me the best of luck. A simple message of support may not seem like much to you, but when you're in a situation like mine it means so much. Thank you.

Monday night provided the worst sleep I've had in weeks. Keep in mind, i've had some terrible sleeps in that time! Why? It was nerves. Simple as that. I was nervous for the gastroscopy and biopsy. It wasn't the procedure itself but the anaesthetic side to the operation. I haven't been under since I was five and the unknown had my measure. What if they didn't put me under fully? What if I could feel the procedure? What if I woke up early? What if I didn't wake up at all?

In retrospect, I lost sleep over nothing.

With the little sleep I did have, I woke up Tuesday morning earlier than normal. I was expecting the gastroscopy between 8:30am - 11:30am and knew I was booked in for a Radionuclide Ventriculography (RVG) scan of my heart later that afternoon.

Since being in hospital, 9am has been my regular time to get up, shower, brush the chompers - y'know, get ready for the day of sitting in my little 3x3 room and watching the world go past. Tuesday however, I was up and about at 7:30 - showered and ready. I hate feeling dirty, so if my procedure was at 8:30, I'd be ready to go.

Breakfast rolled around at 8:00 and I had to politely decline it as I was required to fast from 12am for the procedure.

This is about the time when my previous blog post took off and messages started coming in for the remainder of the morning. Before I knew it, it was 11am and nobody had been to get me for my procedure yet. I called the nurse and enquired to which I was told to hand tight, it shouldn't be much longer. Whilst she was around, she did my daily observations and it was no surprise to see my heart rate up to 100+BPM (regularly around 65BPM resting) and a slightly higher blood pressure. I guarantee this was due to the nerves.

Lunch comes around at 12:30 and once again had to politely decline. 12 hours fasting thus far - lucky I don't have an appetite still and honestly didn't care! It was around this time the doctor comes around with the results of my Lumbar Puncture. This fortunately came back negative as there was no major changes to the one I had three weeks ago. White blood cells still present with a marginally higher protein count than normal. I once again mentioned about my gastroscopy or there lack of and the doctor assumed I'd already had it. He said he'd follow it up and get back to me.

Mentally, I'm okay. Still incredibly nervous and a little frustrated I prepared myself for a procedure between 8:30 - 11:30 and still nothing. Your messages of support continue to light up my phone, which certainly kept me pre-occupied and made the time fly by.

Finally! 2:43pm and somebody comes to my bed to pick me up. "Justin Smith for a procedure? Let's go." I mentally build myself up as they take me. With my heart beating the quickest it had all day, we get going. Minutes later, we get into quite a dark room with a single scanner to my left and a glass wall. The radiographer, Liv meets me and goes through the basic questions. Name? Date of birth? Address? What are you here for? "A gastroscopy and biopsy" I reply. A few seconds of awkward silence follows so I split it with an "I think..." hoping to relieve the slight tension.

Liv replies with "not quite. We're here to do your Radionuclide Ventriculography scan of your heart."

My heart dropped. I spent the past fifteen minutes mentally preparing to go under and it's not even for the right procedure; I almost feel robbed!

To give you a brief understanding, the RVG scan involves injecting a small amount of radioactive material into your blood stream where they then track it until it passes through the heart, ensuring the heart is healthy and working as it should to a level that it should. Why am I having this scan? Good question. The doctors wanted to get ahead of the game essentially. Providing the biopsy comes back positive for lymphoma, I will need chemotherapy. The level of that chemo will depend, however if I do happen to require a strong dose, it can have negative effects to the heart. This scan is to ensure they have a baseline reading of my heart and ensure it will be able to handle a high dose of chemo.

This scan took 40 minutes from start to finish and before I knew it, I was up in my ward again. By this time, dad had arrived so at least I had somebody to talk to and reassure me when the time comes to get my gastroscopy.

4:00pm and the time finally came. 16 hours of fasting, I was slightly hungry but by this stage, I just wanted to get the procedure over and done with. I was still nervous, but more relieved the time had come. Having dad there for the hour or so beforehand made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.

The operation itself involved a gastroscopy (camera down my throat into my stomach) and if they could see lymphnodes, get a biopsy to test.

Cutting to the chase, was it worth worrying for 16+ hours? Not at all. All I remember is them checking my blood pressure, putting something in my cannula and asking me to count to 10. I got to 12 and next thing I know, I woke up coughing my lungs up in recovery with a nurse next to me. Luckily, the coughing only lasted for about fifteen minutes and that was just a result of irritating my throat.

Apparently, the gastroscopy went well and they were able to get a couple of good tissues from the lymphnodes to biopsy. Additionally, they also took the following photos whilst they were inside - I have no idea what they're of or even if anything is okay, but I thought they were cool!

For the first 45 minutes after the procedure, I felt fine. I was great! I felt incredibly thirsty and hungry but I assume that was simply due to the fact I hadn't eaten. Things from here turned pretty quickly once I had some dinner and a glass of water. I started to go downhill pretty quickly - feeling incredibly fatigued and tired....essentially dopey. It was from here I knew I just needed to have some rest and I'd wake up better in the morning. Needless to say, I was asleep by 9pm and basically slept through the night...except for when the nurses woke me up at 11pm, 12pm. 3am and 5am.

Waking up this morning (Wednesday July 17th), I instantly felt a lot better than I had last night. Admittedly, I had a bit more of a sleep in than I generally would've - it was great. I use the term 'sleep in' lightly though - it's nothing like a sleep in at home! What was the plan of attack for today? Well to be honest I wasn't too sure. A doctor yesterday mentioned briefly about a bone marrow test however the nurses and doctors on had no idea about one and couldn't see one booked in. I hadn't eaten since the night prior however the nurses got me to fast once again whilst they investigated. As a result, breakfast was staring me right in the face and I couldn't even touch my beloved weetbix, milk and sugar!

The clock ticks over to 10:37 and a Young, lanky doctor comes by. "Hi Justin, I'm Alex and I'll be doing your bone marrow procedure today..." Alex went on to explain the procedure, risks and what to expect. As he finished and started to walk away I had one last burning question. "When are we doing it? Later this afternoon?" "Now" Alex replied.

Woah. Wait. What? Hang on two seconds. I'm not prepared for this. You mean now...as in like, once Alex had finished preparing? You betcha....

Now I was under the assumption I'd be getting knocked out as I had done the night before however Alex proceeded to explain they'll put some medication in my cannula that "makes you feel like you've had four or five beers" as well as some local anaesthetic. No point being worried or scared about it - if it's getting done bedside, it couldn't be near as bad as the lumbar puncture, right? Once again, like I have been for the past few weeks I was completely and utterly wrong.

First though, what's this procedure involve? Basically, blood, white blood cells and platelets are produced in your bone marrow. This can be accessed via key areas of your body depending on your age...for me it was my hipbone - left side to be exact. The aim of the procedure is to get these fresh samples of blood, white blood cells and platelets as well as get a sample of my bone marrow - generally one small sample of the bone.

Alex got me curled up in the fetal position, lying on my right and basically began straight away. A few local anaesthetic needles numbed the surface before he inserted a needle in to collect the blood samples. This part was similar to a lumbar puncture, but I couldn't feel as much internally.

Alex then stated he was starting the bone marrow collection, which was without fail the worst part of this whole experience so far. He used the large needle with a blue handle, which can be seen below.

Alex hit the bone and advised me the next part was only going to tickle a little bit. What's he do? He starts to screw into my bone. Whilst I couldn't see, it felt very similar to uncorking a bottle of wine. Whilst he went in no deeper than 1mm, christ it hurt. The worst part was yet to come. Much like the pressure behind uncorking a bottle of wine, this happened too. Alex yanked the sample out and the pressure and pain was immense! Done. It's all done. Thank goodness. Then Alex said the words I didn't want to hear next. "Y'know what Justin? We want to make sure we only have to do this once, so let's get another sample, eh?"

Oh my lord. Are you kidding me? Whatever. Lets do it. I want to get it over and done with. I don't even think I replied, just mumbled something along the lines of whatever. And thus, the process happens again. I've attached photos of the two samples below, which I thought were pretty cool!

I must admit, Alex was incredible during the procedure. I asked at the start to keep me informed throughout the whole process. I'm quite an inquisitive character when things are happening that I don't know what the process is and this was no different. Alex not only kept me informed, he did as much as he could to keep me as comfortable as I could be during such a procedure. One thing I was incredibly surprised at was how much blood was on his hands!

Not much happened throughout the rest of today to be honest. Courtney, dad and mum came to visit but that was it. The doctors advised they are expecting the result of the biopsy tomorrow afternoon (hopefully) however they said it could take anywhere up to 72 hours from the procedure - which puts it at Friday night or Monday. Where does that put me? Same boat as I have been throughout this entire process - just waiting for answers.

I was advised that the results could come back either negative or inconclusive. Whilst this wouldn't be ideal, it's unfortunately just going to be another roadblock in this venture. In preparation the results don't come back the way we probably expect the, too, I'm booked in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder tomorrow. That will be their next avenue to answers. I suspect this is because my PET scan showed up significant areas in my gall bladder and I suppose that's not exactly a vital cog of the human body...so I suspect they'll just remove it, cut it open and see what's inside. But that's nowhere near a medical analysis of what's going to happen.

Before I finish for tonight, I'll leave you with how I am mentally. How am I going despite all this? Y'know what? I'm actually the opposite to what you probably think I am. I'm in the best mental state I have been over the past six weeks. Why? I think it's because we're close to (hopefully) getting an answer or at least following a more solid path to answers.

I end tonight with a final thank you. Thank you for all the messages and endless love. It's helping - trust me, it is.

Juzz xx

[ndrbrnrd]

2018: An 8 Month Reflection - Alone vs. Lonely

Here we go again, another week has passed and I still didn’t fulfill my deadline. I have no idea when I’ll learn to be on time. I’ve been late for about an hour for the past two weeks. My excuse for this week was completing last minute assignments that was due at the same time this blog post was due, plus I got home at 11pm. Well it’s not like readers are sitting on the computer waiting for 11:59pm to strike, but I’m just making excuses for myself again. Please have hope for me. 

To kinda procrastinate, I’ll go on a little rant session. At this moment it’s 12:45am, and I am alone in my room. Am I lonely? No. My mind is either feeling really tired and wants to sleep (which is why I’m probably rambling) or it’s trying to piece together ideas and sentences for this weekly post. Now, I could go to bed since I do have work tomorrow in the lab which no one is really there, but I really have to type this up. I’ve been disappointed by many people in my life, I can’t be one of those people now. Besides, what would it say about me anyways if I kept delaying it. Bear with me. 

I have started to really notice the difference between alone and lonely. I mean it can get really confusing because it seems like they mean the same thing, but it doesn’t. There are four different possibilities: Alone and not lonely, not alone and lonely, alone and lonely, not alone and not lonely. I’m just here to meander about the first three. 

How I’ve decided to look at it based on my experience is that being alone is when you are physically and spatially the only person in a given environment, whereas being lonely is where you are emotionally/mentally detached in the environment you are in regardless if there are people or not. They say that a person can feel lonely even though they are with a group of friends, or a person can be in a quiet room or going on a hike alone and not feel lonely at all.

With this whole experience, I pretty much felt alone and lonely. Spatially I was alone every single day. I had a big lab room all to myself and I only had to occupy a quarter of it. On rare occasion the vice-president of product development for company x would come in and work on some assays and experiments, but other than that we would not get in each others way since we had ample amount of space between us. At first being alone everyday felt weird, but at the same time it felt great. I was able to dance around, remind myself of things I have to do out loud, text and message friends, listen to music and more recently binge watch Netflix. The privacy was great, and it was nice to know that no one would get in the way of my lab/personal space. The bliss did not last for long. Not only did I feel physically alone, I felt uninvolved in the company. The fact that I did not feel like part of the team and more like a side project created feelings of loneliness in the lab. This affected my motivation and willpower for daily functions such as eating. Friends could only help to an extent, and not all my friends could be there and support me. Regardless, the loneliness was something I had to deal with on my own. 

It was weird how I could feel lonely in the work I do. Maybe it’s because I’m dealing with a long distance work relationship with my superiors and they just did not have time to integrate me in the company, or maybe it’s the combination of the routine repetitive work along with the long distance work relationship. It does get frustrating when you need a second opinion about what you’re doing or any questions you may have and sometimes your superiors are just not the people you need to ask in the moment. It is hard trying to deal with it while maintaining the NDA you have agreed to sign. Whatever this feeling was, it was not something I wanted in a career and in a work environment. 

Currently, as the end is near, I still feel alone and lonely in the lab. Day in and day out I do the same thing everyday on the computer and I do wonder if there is any motivation or reason for me to even show up to the lab. I have been using the private time to be alone with my thoughts and reflect about past meetings with my superiors or just anything and anyone such as friends, family, and even what I want in the future. To be honest, if it wasn’t for those alone periods I would not have been able to write this five part series in a short amount of time (relatively speaking). Out of respect towards my employers, I still show up on days where I can work from home, and to fill the void of loneliness, Netflix has become a great source/drug for me at work till the very end. 

[yumikoyuki]

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? ummm i’m not confused atm really. 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? no. :C

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? i would definitely mind. i wouldn’t want anything to do with it, but it’s ok if they do it in very moderate amounts. just keep it away from me tho.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? yes and no. depends on the person.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? i don’t remember. sitting by the computer? sleeping? watching netflix?

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? i’m either alone or with a friend.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? really, really hurt, but’d want to talk about it with them and try to understand.

8: Are you close with your dad? yes, very.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? our kitty of course.

10: What are you listening to? the sounds from venla gala recording. missed it today so i’m watching it late online.

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? berry juice.

12: Do you like hickeys? they don’t look nice but in the moment the feel nice. or they used to at least. i might be too old for them to even feel nice anymore.

13: What time do you go to bed? depends. usually around 1 am - 3 am

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? not that i can think of.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? yeah. i don’t even use both hands for texting.

16: Do you always answer your texts? no. depends on how important they are and if a reply is required. usually yes even when they are not important in any way.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? no.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? today a few hours ago.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? yeah.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? i really don’t remember.

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? no.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? i like to believe so at least. hate to think that complete ass hats get away with being an ass hat, and that the sweetest of persons wouldn’t get as much sweetness in their life.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? no don’t think so? or yeah? i remember being completely burned at some point i have lost the track of time. also it’s really hard to think when exactly i have had happier or sadder periods. anxiety and depression are bitches.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? yes.

25: In the past week, have you cried? yes.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? navy blue and black.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? no.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? don’t know.

29: Do you have a best friend? several good ones.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? haha no. i don’t even know the person i last kissed oops. the most bizarre bus drive of my life.

31: Who was your last call/text message from? from my brother.

32: Are you mad at anyone? no.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? i have no idea- wait no i think she said she’s 25? so 26.

35: How many more days until your birthday? around 4 months worth of days.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? a trip to japan at least. i really really really hope. trying to make it happen some way or the other.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? hmm yeah one.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? nah not really.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? nah don’t think so.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? yes.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? depends. i think age is really just a number, what what matters is that the two people are in the same “maturity level”. i mean that helps at least for me. an older person might be the more childish one compared to their younger spouse, so yeah. age is just a number. just have to find the right balance as individuals.

42: Are you available? yes.

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? one.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? ahh i used to want my brow pierced but now i’m not into that anymore. i think a surface one somewhere would be the most me nowadays.

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? yes. have managed to succeed in that.

46: Do you regret anything? yes.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? i should probably sleep but eh.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? i don’t like saying “lose”. we just grew up and grew up being different than we were as kids. our interests are not in the same wavelength anymore and that’s ok. we don’t keep in touch anymore but we have nothing really that makes it impossible for us to contact each other or if we wanted to hang out sometime!

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? mmm i don’t know. it was weird. but i liked it.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? um it’s a bit complex. i like them but not that much and i don’t really want to date them because of a few reasons. also it sounds creepy, “pursuing” someone. i don’t really do that.

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? no.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? nnnno. but it’s like i mean i just met her! i don’t know if we are gonna talk more in the future. probably not tho.

53: What was the last thing you ate? one salmiac pastille.

54: Did you get any compliments today? i don’t remember.

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? don’t know yet.

56: Do you own anything from other countries? yeah.

57: Are most of your friends guys or girls? mostly girls.

58: Where have you lived most of your life? helsinki, finland.

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? last month. 13 hours from helsinki to lapland.

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? yes.

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? no.

62: Who do you text the most? my friend i guess.

63: What was the last movie you saw? batman: the killing joke.

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? i’m single.

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? one.

where did the numbers here go :(

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? i feel monogamous as i can be jealous and i like to concentrate my affection to one person. but i don’t see a polygamous relationship as an impossible thing. it is super duper unlikely for me to work or even occur as a possibility, but yeah, not impossible.

71: Have you ever been dumped? yes.

72: What do you most like about making out? the intimacy.

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? yes.

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? depends on the person. usually eyes though, as they say so much. i love seeing a person’s feeling and thought through their eyes.

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? my friend. sorry i don’t tell names in these things.

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? no.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? no.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? um compliments. kisses and hugs from someone i care about romantically.

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? uhm. i am no good with kids and i will never get one myself, but if like. if i really, really liked someone enough, i might get used to them having a kid. don’t know. i have never been in such a situation.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? yes.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? my last what? partner? i miss my sweetie little kitty who is in the living room.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? wow i can’t even remember when that was. i have danced waltz 4-5 years ago? but slow dance? don’t remember, honestly.

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? no.

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? no. not in that way anyway.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? you know, there are perks in being single, i have a lot of freedom, but dear damn god i miss the perks of being in a relationship. i want hugs and kisses and sex and comfort and trust and all that jazz. i do wish i was in a relationship, but i am content in being single as well.

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? i don’t look for anything, i just like someone if i like them (tho i mean of course i have types), but it sure helps their case a lot if they are taller than me even when i’m wearing heels, or at least the same height. it might be a cliche, but it really makes me feel so good being the short one.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? yes.

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? i don’t know. don’t remember.

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? yes.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? *shrughs* i don’t really do dating? but i mean yeah why not if i happened to like them but as of now, no.

101: Hugs or Kisses? both pls.

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? depends on a person. friends calling me that is all fine and fun lol. significant other yeah why not, but a person have no relations with? no.

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? it is not enough to just be sexy oh god no.

107: Your last kiss? wasn’t this asked already?

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? yes.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? yes.

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? eh i don’t know.

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? my cat. :3

112: Does someone like you currently? romantically, no idea.

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? nah.

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious.

115: Ever made out with just a friend? yeah.

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? depends on the relationship. i have had a shitty one and a really good one. but yeah i remember that when it was good it was damn fucking good and i sure as hell wasn’t as much depressed so yeah. being in a good relationship helps me a lot. but i don’t want to be in a relationship so it would “help me” lol :DD i just love being cared for and caring for someone myself.

[missingteethblog]

04/23/2020 - 20:50

The past few days have been really overwhelming, and also I forgot/didn’t have the motivation to write anything so here we are.

4/20 was great, the high wasn’t as terrifying as the last time, and during my high I apparently made the conclusion that I was in fact bi instead of gay and I wrote a whole note on my notes app about liking women as well as who I’m normally attracted to. When I read it (sober) in the morning I just thought “huh, well I’m not bi. what “ yeah it was a journey. Otherwise very chill night, very glad I wasn’t working the next day. I honestly don’t remember anything else from that day, or Monday and Tuesday for that matter. Wednesday was a shit show though.

Wednesday started off pretty okay, went to work and got scoffed at by a manager form another dept for literally no reason so that was great, make me anxious for the rest of the entire day. It was also my dad’ birthday, and I decorated the cake (sister saw I was decorating it, asked if she could just go and I said yes because I was almost done) and later that day my mom came upstairs and told us to do something more with the cake and I thought “well, I already did my part, my sister can do the rest” and by mom decided that me and my sister were arguing (she wanted me to help even though I literally did the majority of the cake) and so she started yelling at us for it which sent me into an anxiety attack (which my mom calls “shutting down”). When she told me that I needed to “snap out of it” and that I would “ruin dad’s birthday if I acted like this for the rest of the night” I just kind of snapped and told her that every single time I have “shut down” that I had been having an anxiety attack. Which made her stop calling it that (as she had been calling it that since I started having these episodes as a child. Anyways that was shit. That was ass. Cried about it for a little bit before vaping and feeling better.

 At NIGHT though, that’s when the “fun” began. I had to go to bed at 11pm (went to bed at 11:45 instead lmao) and instead of falling asleep, my brain decided to fixate on every single extremely graphic detail about everything I did while self harming, especially two particular incidents (tw graphic next part) where 1) I cut out a chunk of my flesh from the crook of my elbow which makes it impossible to get blood drawn from that arm anymore so it’s pretty bad and 2) when I cut really deep in my left forearm down past the veins (through, actually) down into the fat, and remembered (very graphically) sitting on my floor around all my stuff just squeezing around the cut so I could see the fat coming out of the cut. (tw over) Both of these disgusted my to the point where I could not fall asleep because of how awful and revolted I felt, because when you’re in that mindset (while using the coping mechanism) you don’t understand how fucked up and awful and disturbing the behaviour is until you look back on it once you’re out of that mindset (not using the coping mechanism anymore). That went on for about 2 hours before I checked my phone for the time and saw that Crywank was doing a livestream, so because I’m a faggot I watched it and they (James) responded to 4 of my comments and they were so sweet and the livestream was so good and calm (I watched it until it ended around 2:30am), and because they had interacted with 4 of my comments, and I (+ the people watching the stream) learned some things about When You Eat Yourself First Start with Your Head up Your Arse (that I won’t write about) and about them in general and it was so good I felt so much better afterward. Still didn’t fall asleep until 3:30am but I fell asleep on a much better note than very very graphic trauma. :)

Today was also shit. Got told my the meat dept manager that I wasn’t doing my job right (I was doing exactly as he told me to do) to which he corrected me by telling me to do exactly what I had been doing BEFORE he corrected me (about a month ago when I first started working as acting supervisor) which was incredibly frustrating. He seems to be pissed at me for zero reason. He also told me that I either had to come in earlier or stay at work later so that I can get the frozen and fresh loads and put them out. Earlier: the store opens at 7am, I get there at 8am and open and do everything and people are buying things from my dept, I cannot feasibly come in later than 8am. Later: believe it or not, I’m trying to graduate school during fucking quarantine right now and can’t put all my energy into work (which I am doing anyways!). So his response? To get passive aggressive with me and told one of his employees that she had to do my job since I can’t stay later than I’m scheduled. If you want me to behave like an actual supervisor, then I need to be paid the supervisor’s wage instead of my minimum wage. Bruh. I have also been working there for 3 months and am the only competent person working my dept right now. Anyways, that shit got me riled up and upset.

Later that afternoon I had a really long and deep conversation with my best friend (mostly me talking, which is abnormal). We talked about gender, the trans community, Crywank (me), what had happened on Wednesday night (me), weird nazi foot fetish porn that she found on pornhub, me simping for James (Crywank) like a faggot (which included me admitting that, since we have things in common that are kind of rare to find in other people, if we were closer in age )(they’re 12 years older than me) that we would definitely be at least mutuals I guess), my sex-repulsion and lack of sex drive, and our shared fetish. It was really nice, I definitely needed it because I felt a lot better afterwards. I don’t normally talk about myself and my problems because it makes me feel extremely self-centered and selfish (both of which are actual triggers of mine), but today I had a LOT of things I needed to talk about, so I talked about them and it was really relieving. 

Also figured out a quarantine project: I’m going to put all the Crywank albums on cassettes (I messaged them on twitter and they said that it was alright) and I’m really excited to do that!! Really looking forward to it. They’re also doing a livestream concert on Saturday and I’m really really really looking forward to it! :))

Currently listening to Cough Blood On The Moon Soon by Foot Ox.

[the-tales-of-horror]

We found my cousins "time" journal

Original Link By fknmadhed

Some days I get around slower than others... I don't even realise until I'm where I've gotta be and notice it took way longer than it should have.. I always wonder about that, often leaving the house without checking the time no matter how many times it happens to me, but it's an off and on thing and when I get in from work and it's maybe 2 hours later than I'm usually home I take it as it is. We rely on time so heavily that when it flys by it's so easy to just accept that maybe you weren't paying attention. So with that out of the way, I'm documenting times I leave and arrive by how long it takes to walk or drive.

3rd June, 8:47am - To work Arrived at 9:04am Normal day - This seems silly today

3rd June, 8:30pm - Heading home Arrived home at 9:56pm I went to the store, got some food for the night but I didn't buy much, nobody was really about so I was pretty much in and out. I don't really understand what took me so long, what would usually take me maybe 30 minutes has taken me an hour and a half... honestly it could've been anything I just need to get some food in me and to sleep.

10:31pm I'm still up, the tv's been acting pretty weird. I find that tv has a calming presence that helps put me to sleep.. though not tonight for god knows what reason, everytime I've started to drop off I'm being awoken by static harshly emanating from the TV.

Really I'm in two minds about what's happening with the time and all that, on one hand it's all just silly stuff that can be put down to my own mistakes or Whatever, but on the other hand there's just this voice going on in the back of my head telling me that it's not just that.

4th June - 8:45am Work Arrived at 9:06 Long day today, weird dreams last night. Probably will forget about all this by the end of the week

Left work at 9pm, arrived home at 11:32pm I didn't do anything. I didn't go to the store or clean up my desk, I checked the time at work, wrote it down and drove home. I'm sitting in my car still writing this, how did it take me over 2 hours to get home. How the fuck... I was driving the whole time, it felt like any normal journey driving at the same normal speeds. I don't want to sleep.. I even checked the time on my TV and just About everything I could check the time on incase my watch had messed up but nope. No such luck. The static is visible on the TV tonight, but the sound is different to how I remember it but my memories clearly fucked so I ain't even bothering I just turned it off.

5th June 11am I got to sleep in for a while, I had a crazy vivid dream last night after rolling around for a long while and finally slipping into a half slumber. What I remember from the dream is pure darkness, no color to the sky, no stars or moon or sun... just nothing. Like the sky was the back of a creature that had decided to walk away.

This thing has turned into more of a diary at this point but the dream felt related to what's been going on. 8th June, 12:16pm Nothing had happened for a while but then I was late to work today, I left the same time as i do every morning around 8:45am. I arrived at work for after 10. I lost an hour and I was aware of the entire journey. How does that even happen?

10:27pm So I've been thinking about this all day. like what it could be. My mind jumps between alzheimers and blackouts... neither sounding particularly exciting. But then right now I just looked it up online and there's this big thing around missing/losing time and how it might be related to aliens. Yeah. Right. Would take that possibility over the prospect of an untreated medical condition. 9th June, 1:15am Theres police lights outside I think. Kinda strange that there's not a single sound coming from the street but fuck it. Pretty annoyed by the fact that it woke me up and writing in this seems to get everything from the day out of my head, makes it easier to fall asleep.

9th June, left 8:45am and got in for 9:10am I'm dreading checking the time, when I close my eyes it's just numbers, it's all that I'm thinking about. I can't put it off and it's messing with how much work I'm doing. I'm putting this away for a while, my minds just fucking with me.

20th June I've been to see a doctor, there's no sign of anything that could be causing the memory loss or whatever it is. I went to be told that maybe my clocks wrong and Out of fear of sounding strange I agreed. I've checked just about every clock I've seen to double check on the days it has fucked with me. And also, I had another one of those dreams last night, darkness then lights and static like in the real world harshly vibrating my mind until it becomes unbearable, I woke up to static on the television and put it down to that. First time in my damn life I've had a recurring dream that I'm able to remember... still can't get the numbers out of my head.

22nd June, 1:16am Half in that same dream, I woke up to what felt like cold elongated fingers pulling me over to the other side of my bed and in the midst of rolling I opened my eyes to nothing but the damn blue lights outside my window again. I just had a look around my room cuz that shit gave me chills and after looking Until my heart was back to a normal pace I put it down to sleep paralysis or some shit like that, but then I just looked outside and it's definitely not a police car. There's three lights floating above the houses just across from me, I can just about make a dark shape out but it blends so well with the night sky that I don't know where it starts and where it ends. So needless to say my hearts racing faster than it was and I'm thinking about aliens like it's a possibility. I'm not gonna sleep again tonight, I'm gonna sit downstairs and wait it out.

So, I just got down and it's 3:40am What the fuck is happening to me

25th June I'm seeing little shapes when I move my eyes today, like something running directly across my vision, so much so That on my way to the store I tripped and cut my ankle. It's kinda pulsating right now especially when I see this weird fucking thing in my eyes...

26th June, 2am-ish I got woken up again, no dreams just darkness and the sensation of cold fingers almost as if they're allowing me to wake up. I scratched at my cut a little, turned the light on and there's these weird little fibres in my nails.. so I looked at where I'd scratched the cut and it's just covered in these strange fibres, it hasn't been uncovered since I was able to put a band aid on and it definitely wasn't like this then.

27th June It's worse, time has skipped I don't know how many times today. My cut is worse, it looks infected but it feels fine. The fibres haven't cleared up I've cleaned it repeatedly. I'm considering seeing a doctor but it always feels like a waste of time.

So I looked it up online, apparently I'm not the only one. It's something that seems to be related to Lyme disease, but I've never been latched on to by a tick, just never. I've not had any of the symptoms, just these weird fibres and the only explanation of what it could be are by dudes on YouTube with crazy eyes and the occasional little twitch or some shit.

Honestly is it just me, I wonder all the time if I'm the only one that constantly feels so close to death, like I'm not gonna live until I'm 20 until I made it, then it became 30 and I'm just over thinking this shit. I don't have records of what was in the sky the night of the blue lights, nothing physical has been Touching me, maybe the fibres are just coming from my clothes or whatever.. the weird thing in my eye is only there when I move it fast enough but it seems to be doing it far more spaced out than that first day. I think maybe I'm okay, I haven't been paying attention to the time so much, I've felt like it's just making me go insane.

2nd July Dreams again, lights again, the fibres are spreading inside of my skin I can feel it... I don't think they're fibres anymore though they're wriggling I think I can see movement

3rd July I definitely saw my skin move, my eyes jolted as I sat still too, like that effect in Fight Club where everything moves as the camera stays still. It made me super dizzy and grew until I passed out Waking up at around 11pm, which means I was out for a good 12 hours... waking up exhausted and shivery, my skin crawling worse than it has, a lot of the vision in my left eye is being blocked but only in movement. When I keep it still I see through whatever it is.

I feel like I'm dying. As I write this I'm giving into that thought. My hearts beating faster than it ever has, my bones ache, my fingers slowly forgetting how to type and my mind slowly forgetting where it is that I am.

4th July I woke up Fine The lights again, but they give me comfort now

5th July I do not see the point of this anymore I'm fine. The time does not skip anymore. I will work today.

And that's where it ends. Incase you're wondering this was my cousins 'time' journal let's call it. A few weeks ago he started acting strangely, the whole family had noticed and he opened up to me about the fibres and the weird dreams and time disappearing, I brushed it off and didn't tell anybody because it was completely out of character and I wasn't in it to worry anybody so I tried to get him help but he refused, frustrated by the doctors of the past I presumed. But I also suspected some part of him was enjoying all of this... now when he comes to our house he stares at things, he answers everything bluntly and cold with very few inflections to his usually colorful accent... he never sits down, he doesn't clear his throat or cough or sneeze I haven't seen him yawn, he hasn't cuddled me. He's a completely different person and I need answers about what has happened to my cousin... he's been making it clear that he wants to babysit my children and last month I wouldn't have even second guessed it. But he's lifeless.. he stares through me and talks at me, he doesn't respond emotionally and his skin is so cold. I watched him stare into my child's bed and replicate the nonsensical sounds he makes when trying to form sentences(being only just a year). I need answers, because if I hadn't heard what I thought was my son speaking that night through the baby monitor I may have not checked.. none of it is right. None of it makes sense. So I come to you for the answers I need and to share my story without everybody thinking I'm going fucking crazy. Because I'm scared that I am, especially after I felt the cold fingers he described Pull me over and wake me up last night.

[nightsnaps]

All 117 for the latest questions post you shared! ^~^

this took me awhile & has been sitting in my drafts HAHAH full answer under the cut

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? I’m confused bc this guy I’m crushing on keeps sending me mixed signals

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? sometimes from my mom. lol

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? I would never have an SO who smoked pot so if they picked it up, I can definitely say I would care. 

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? YES. perhaps too easy? I always end up getting myself into trouble because I trust other people haha

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? Studying for a linguistics morphology quiz. 

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? probably my best friend Nicki

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? depends on the situation… 

8: Are you close with your dad? YES he’s one of my best friends

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? HAHAHA no

10: What are you listening to? my roommate folding laundry & miscellaneous late afternoon sounds outside

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? green tea

12: Do you like hickeys? not particularly. If your only skill is sucking on my skin, you need to branch out lol

13: What time do you go to bed? normally around 11:30

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? myself

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? nope. my right hand is faster but still not AS fast

16: Do you always answer your texts? I try to 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? not at all, even though I broke up with him. He was one of the greatest blessings. 

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? today

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? I am blessed to say many people!

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I was probably thinking about linguistics tbh

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? my roommate erika & my other roommate molly

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? in some form or another

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? about the same, i think. I’m generally a pretty content person. 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? my high school ex

25: In the past week, have you cried? probably. I cry so much hahaha

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? gray

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? sometimes bc my first name is so popular

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? mmmmm… one of my exes. he sucks. good riddance. 

29: Do you have a best friend? yes 

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? well it’s already happened & it’s chill so i guess not

31: Who was your last call/text message from? my friend emily

32: Are you mad at anyone? myself for my lack of focus

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? ¾ people I’ve kissed have been older, yes. 

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 22. But he just turned 21 last week. so

35: How many more days until your birthday? 334 days until I can legally consume alcohol WHATTUP

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Yes! I’m a lead counselor at a theater camp. Also probably two other jobs besides that bc I have zero chill

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? many! & I love them

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Nope. I’m not a very secretive person at all. 

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? I don’t think so

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? After the fact but never at the time

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? I think you can’t have a mature relationship until you’ve grown up a lot, but that happens at a different age for everybody

42: Are you available? physically, yes. but I am really enjoying being single so maybe not emotionally right now haha

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 3

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? nothing. I don’t even have my ears pierced lol 

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? absolutely, although in order for that to happen there had to be some basis of friendship before the relationship started. 

46: Do you regret anything? Sometimes I jump to conclusions and make decisions off of my emotions rather than logic, and there have been times where I’ve hurt people because of that. So I regret those times.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Who I’m going to go with to formal haha

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? We’ve certainly drifted apart, but I think every one of my best friends & I are still on speaking terms & I know I could call them up anytime if I needed them. I hope the feeling’s mutual

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? nope but it having been 5 months since it happened is driving me crazy lol

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Because I need to find a person to like first HAHA but also bc my crush never hit like level... so it’s fading slightly. also he’s not interested, as far as I can tell. 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? has he ever seen me not cry is the question

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? I can, but I usually don’t. He has a new girlfriend

53: What was the last thing you ate? a smoked salmon bagel

54: Did you get any compliments today? not yet but the day is young. lol

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Yosemite national park

56: Do you own anything from other countries? I have a lot of Mexican Blankets, a scarf from London, postcards from Tasmania & Spain, a sweatshirt from Canada. Probably some other things idk

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? A good mix of both

58: Where have you lived most of your life? California

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? my last roadtrip down to school about a month ago

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? no but I would if it was people who weren’t awkward hahaha

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? only a thousand times HAHA

62: Who do you text the most? probably my friends courtney, emily, or my mom

63: What was the last movie you saw? How to lose a guy in 10 days

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? nothing bc I don’t have one hahaha

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? a grand total of 0

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? no

67: Do you curse around your parents? if I feel like it. we have a very open relationship

68: Are you happy with where you live? for the most part. I want to travel though

69: Picture of yourself? check out my tagged/me tag

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? monogamous

71: Have you ever been dumped? no

72: What do you most like about making out? someone’s hands all over me. kissing is fun but I just like the closeness even more

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? ...... well. yes. 

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? it’s always mutual or the other initiating 

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? a nice smile

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? my friend Gabe

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? no

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? no

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? quick wit, handsome boys playing with kids, handsome boys playing with PUPPIES

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? probably not

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? yes

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? depends on how deep I’m in lol

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? I miss having him as my buddy but not as my boyfriend

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? last month

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? no

86: How can I win your heart? by being completely & unapologetically yourself & by not playing games with me

87: What is your astrological sign? capricorn but I identify 100% with gemini 

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? dutch blitz tournament

89: Do you cook? when I have the time

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? back in touch yes, back together no

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? I don’t really. I get wistful when I see other couples sometimes but wholly I’m very happy on my own 

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I’m a serial monogamist but I wouldn’t mind dating casually, I think. Boys are sometimes just too chicken to go for it haha

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? funny, genuine, intelligent, adventurous, honest, Christian

94: Name four things that you wish you had! flawless skin, a million dollars, a golden retriever puppy, a beach house

95: Are you a player? I enjoy flirting but I don’t play with people’s feelings, I don’t think anyway

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? Nope

97: Are you a tease? depends who you ask lol

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? no, although I am mutuals with a lot of my real-life buddies 

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? I don’t know. probably not, if I don’t know. hahaha

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? sure

101: Hugs or Kisses? hugs

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? If I’m really invested in the outcome then yes but if it’s casual then I don’t care

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? their eyes, teeth, and skin

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? yes but not baby. gag

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? no. if I did & we started dating, who’s to say they wouldn’t do exactly the same thing to me? 

106: Do you flirt a lot? guilty as charged

107: Your last kiss? sometime in August 

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? no

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? no

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? Logan Lerman 

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? nope

112: Does someone like you currently? maybe

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? crushy feelings sure, deep sustaining romantic feelings no

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? relationships probably

115: Ever made out with just a friend? yes

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? I will be happy with whatever I’m doing at the time! I’m enjoying being single rn because I haven’t been single for more than a total of 6 months since I started dating 4 years ago so this has been good for me haha

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. well danny you didn’t write me a question so here we are 

[dandelliongirl]

Summer is here

and I’m living my best life. ♥

So my last post was from my birthday week literally two months ago! Whoops.. In my defense May was crazy busy.

So I celebrated my birthday with lots of friends. I went on a picnic on my birthday and to a restaurant and for a walk the day after. Me and my friend got to celebrate our combined 50th birthday (25+25) with pizzas and free dessert. My guy got me a glass nail file, some cute lingerie and a DVD of the first season of Miraculous Ladybug for my birthday! ♥

The week after my birthday we celebrated May Day at our place. We had three friends come over, we made doughnuts, talked, ate lots, played Captain is Dead and Spyfall. Spyfall was surprisingly fun and I was pretty good at it. I’m generally not good at games that require roleplaying, creativity and spontaneous storytelling but it was nice to be rewarded for going outside my comfort zone.

All of May was super busy with housing board meetings, last minute ballet rehearsals, lots of stuff to do at work, dance rehearsals for graduation, ballet recital and finally graduation weekend. On the 12th we had a mother’s day lunch with my mum, grandmum, grandpa and uncle at our summer house. They also got to see my new cottage that grandmum and grandpa have been such a big influence in designing and decorating.

The week of ballet recitals was really busy. I went on a work trip from 4am until 9pm and had my only dress rehearsal right after that. My guy’s sister came over and she’s had some big life changes happen to her lately so it took a while talking with her and catching up. I tried out an Abs & Booty class and a HIIT 45′ class that week since ballet classes ended and I ended up really liking the HIIT class. I mean - it was really painful and hard but that kind of made me really motivated to get better at it. I felt like I did so much more than I thought I could and really drove myself to my limits, so although it isn’t as fun as BodyCombat I still felt really motivated! Besides it’s only 45 minutes and a really effective workout. On Saturday me and my guy had graduation dance rehearsals from 12 to 3pm, and my ballet recital started at 3pm. I didn’t go on stage until before 4pm so I made it there well on time. It was pretty nerve racking to go on stage without a proper dress rehearsal since I had to skip the morning sesh, but nothing awful happened and all went well. On Sunday I had two more recitals at 3pm and 6pm. The weather was amazing and I felt really sad staying inside all weekend though.. Especially since the next week was pretty rainy and cold.

The last weekend of May was filled with graduation. Friday morning started with the last dance rehearsal for the dinner ball. Then we rehearsed the actual confermement ceremony. I got out at 3 and starting at 5:30 pm me and mum went to the garland weaving ceremony and dinner. Mum made my garland for me and we had tons of fun at the ceremony. The food was really good as well, and having mum weave my garland for me felt really special. She can now say she made both the graduate and her garland. ♥ ♥ After the garland weaving I went with mum to spend the night at home. I got barely any sleep at all because I was so nervous I’d oversleep and/or screw something up at the confermement ceremony.

On Saturday morning I got dressed and put on my makeup at home. My stomach was incredibly upset and I even lost some weight just from having such a bad nervous stomach. My skirt felt like it was falling off of me. I had to be at the university by 11:15 am and the ceremony started at 12 with a procession into the hall. We had to unpin our garlands from our jackets and walk on stage to have the garland put on our heads and our rings touched before bowing to the professor, turning around and bowing to the principal and walking off the stage. It was really scary but nobody tripped. A few of the doctors almost had their hats fall off when they bowed but other than that it went off without a hitch. There were about 100 masters and 100 doctors though so the whole ceremony took a good 3 hours. Grandmum came to watch me graduate, which was really special. ♥ After the ceremony we were supposed to have a procession to the city church but the weather was pretty rainy and so we had a bus drive people there. I stayed at the uni main building to take graduation photos with my family and grandmum. Dad’s friend, who’s a photographer by profession, took my photos and they turned out really nice. Especially the pictures with my family and grandmum. ♥ I can’t wait to have them printed out.

I was done with the photoshoot around 5 pm and came to the apartment to get changed and eat a bit. Me and my guy went to the dinner dance at 6 pm to get our photo taken and settle down for dinner. It was a really formal dinner with lots of scary etiquette and several utensils for different dishes and I felt really awkward because our table was also a pretty quiet one but we had an enjoyable evening nonetheless. There were a lot of speeches, a really cute poem and some pretty decent food. Obviously dad would’ve made better food but that was fine. At 11pm it was time for the dance. It went pretty well considering people had had some alcohol by that time and we never rehearsed at the actual venue. The photographer came and messed up my guy’s steps a couple of times since we were in the front row, but other than that we did pretty well! Later on they carried a lot of important people on a carrying chair and the doctors formed a guard of honor with their swords that the professor went through. It was all very special and traditional and we stayed up all the way until the speech for the rising sun at 2 am. Then we walked home and I was glad I took my running shoes with me since I had been wearing the same heels since 10am that day. It was quite the weekend and I can’t believe how some people managed to attend Sunday’s cruise, lunch and the after party because I was completely wrecked from just two days of festivities. Also the sleep deprivation from that weekend meant that I was pretty much out of it the entire following week. I’m glad I took a day off on the 31st so that I got a 4 day weekend the next week.

We had a swelteringly hot last few days of May and beginning of June. On the 30th me and my friend both escaped work early to go on our traditional spring picnic and it was +30 degrees Celsius outside. On the 1st of June I watched two movies (Pretty Woman and Bridget Jones’s baby) with my friend from kindergarten. It was so good to see her again and hear about her busy summer plans. Her boyfriend applied for sports biology at the uni and it’s an insanely hard field to get accepted into with all the physical entrance exams, so he spent the entire evening exercising. Keeping my fingers crossed for him!

The next weekend my guy drove me to granny’s place on his way to work. I spent the day with grandmum helping her out with various little tasks and talking a lot. In the afternoon we picked up my childhood bed from my uncle’s storage and drove it to my cottage to be put together as a sofa and two extra guest beds. We missed 3 parts of the edges that have been lost somewhere but otherwise all parts were there and mum and i put the bed together over the weekend. I love having pretty much all my childhood room furniture in the new cottage. It’s been even more emotionally important than I ever thought since my room back home has been renovated and looks nothing like it did back when I lived there. I’ve gotten a piece of my childhood back and I wouldn’t change it! It’s perfect and I love my cottage more than almost anything else in the world. I’m already dreading autumn and the upcoming winter... I want to spend every waking minute at our summer house to get the most out of this summer. ☼

So holy wow - E3 and Nintendo Direct happened. At first I had the same reaction as a lot of the Animal Crossing fandom did with the trailer for New Horizons dropped. First of all I’m not in love with the whole island idea for a game that’s called Animal Forest. Secondly, I really don’t like how muted and blown out the textures on some of the items and terrain look compared to New Leaf. Also I’m still not sure about the whole paywall of Nintendo Online.. Also crafting and the Nook miles thingy seem really iffy as gameplay mechanics.. It really depends on the way they execute online and if a paid subscription is required to use any online features or not if I want to buy the game (and a whole ass console for it) in March. A lot of my concern for how I’m going to live through next winter was brushed aside with “At least I have Animal Crossing Switch to look forward to”, and not for a moment do I believe Doug Bowser’s excuse of “we don’t overwork our devs at Nintendo” and “we believe in a good work life balance for our workers”. Hello?!? Nintendo is a Japanese company and I really doubt it’s 100% because of localisation in the Treehouse team that the game has been delayed.. Anyway a 3 month wait isn’t really a big deal and it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. It’s still disappointing though, but I hope those 3 months help the team add some contrast and texture to the game because DAMN... Fingers (and animals) crossed.

On the 15th of June me and dad made a most important purchase. We split the cost of a 300��� SUP board for the summer house and I haven’t regretted a single cent of that price. I’ve spent literal hours standing, sitting and laying on the board, exploring the lake and even doing planks and downward dogs on it. There aren’t many things I love more in this world than SUP boarding.. ♥ ☼ Dad made his first fish, crepes and paella on our new barbeque/firepit and we got to enjoy some delicious food. I also bought my first set of Sylvanian Families (Calico Critters for the US I think?) toys and furniture. I’ve wanted some for years but couldn’t justify buying any because I had no space to store them in. Now that my childhood dream has come true with the new cottage I decided I’d finally start my own dollhouse collection over there with Sylvanian families. I bought a second hand house for them and borrowed some furniture from my boyfriend’s sister’s dollhouse. I can’t wait to take them over to the cottage!

Last Monday the student services at my uni took a summer trip to a national park. We took a bus to a little port, a boat where we had some fish soup and then we went on a hike on top of a mountain to a viewing spot. There were a ton of mosquitoes there so my hamstings looked like a pincushion after the trek but the weather was hot, the sun was shining and I enjoyed the exercise. We had some food back at the campsite and some brave souls took a dip in the lake. Then we took the boat back and drove to town. I pretty much slept on the bus because I was exhausted from all the food and fresh air. It was midsummer week so we only had Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to work.

I’m glad I got a 3 day weekend, because I got to drive over to our summer house early on Thursday and spend the evening on the SUP board. I even swam for the first time this summer since it was such a hot day. ☼ I can’t remember the last time I’ve swam before midsummer! Dad made pizzas on the barbeque, my guy came over after work, we went to the sauna and spent the night in my little cottage. On Friday we had breakfast at my summer house and then drove over to his summer house to see his extended family. We spent the day making doughnuts, I raided (and cleaned up) my guy’s sister’s dollhouse, we had some quality time with my guy’s cousins and their partners, raised the flag for midsummer, went to the sauna, swam, started a midsummer bonfire and went to bed at 11-ish to drive to my friend’s wedding on Saturday. We started off after 6am so we got very little sleep.

The wedding was nice. We drove over with a friend and after a lot of searching for an actual gas station with bathrooms we managed to find a campsite/nature trail place with changing rooms, saunas and bathrooms to get changed in. The wedding took place in a fortress on an island so we had to be at the harbor an hour before the actual wedding. We had plenty of time to take a ferry, buy a quick snack and eat it on our way to the church. The ceremony was short and sweet, and after the ceremony we walked over to the venue. It was a cute rustic tile basement used originally for storing gunpowder. It was really nicely decorated with fairy lights and they had a super cute recycling/eco/nature theme going on (partially because transporting actual dinnerware on an island would be really hard and they were on a budget). It was a really sweet and cute wedding and much better than the previous one I went to. Still, I would’ve loved to know a bit more about the guests there as well as the couple since I basically don’t know the husband at all. There were a lot of things I would’ve done differently, and having been to two weddings now it increasingly looks like I would never want to bother organising one. It seems like so much work for one day, and people aren’t even going to enjoy themselves a whole lot... I would really want to involve my family and friends in the planning and the actual celebration, have lots of activities and take friends into consideration more as they know none of the relatives there.. Anyway right now it doesn’t look like I’ll ever get married - or that I’d even want to. Regardless it was really nice to get to be a part of my friend’s special day and I wish her the best. ♥ We drove back the same night with one stop for dinner on the way. I was back home at 1 am and in bed around 2 am. Sunday was spent shopping for groceries, napping, cooking and recovering from the midsummer festivities.

In the spirit of my return to childhood I started rewatching H2O Just Add Water for the first time in years. I love how it brings me back to being a preteen, waking up in the summer mornings to watch TV and spending endless vacation days swimming and hanging out with dad at home. It makes it truly seem like summer and like I’m on vacation even though I’m at work.

Work is really busy and we’re under a lot of pressure right now with people going on holidays and sending millions of emails and support requests daily. I don’t mind it too much, I’ve reached a chill place of “this is just work and I do what I can without compromising my freetime and wellbeing” and I’ve learned to let a lot of things go. I’m excited to see where we’ll be at on the 1st of August when everything should be ready to go with the new data system. Right now it looks pretty bad but we don’t want our end users to know that. Heh. I’m starting my holidays in pretty much exactly two weeks and my colleague and boss are starting theirs tomorrow. I’m excited to have a chill few weeks by myself. I’m also really looking forward to going on a road trip with my guy to hopefully go buy more stuff for my Sylvanian chocolate bunny family! I have so many things to look forward to this summer.. ☼ ♥ I just hope the weather stays nice so I can get a lot more swimming and SUP boarding in before autumn comes. I need full batteries to survive the winter.

I went rollerblading with dad today for the first time this summer and it was a lot of fun! I can’t wait to do more of that. My guy came home since he has a day off tomorrow and had Kendo practise tonight. I’m going to go edit some of the wedding photos so that I can share them with my friends and especially the bride. I’m hoping to stay more up to date with blogging now that life is more chill and I’m on the PC after work a bit more often. I won’t stress about it though, I just really like to record my life and thoughts every now and again, and I start feeling all scattered if I don’t do it for a while. Also I dislike these mega long posts because I always miss important details and it’s a whole ordeal that takes hours to write down. Anyway going to watch Mischa play Twilight Princess and edit photos. I just cried hearing the Wii start screen music for TP and realized what a truly lifechanging experience this game was for me, and how nothing else can really take it’s place. I’m excited to watch someone experience it for the first time. ♥

[justintimbershit]

1-116

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m confused as to why this is double spaced. i don’t want it to be double spaced, yet its double spaced. why? fuck off. 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

occassionally but not on a regular basis which is tragic 

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

no. thats fun. 

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

i trust too easily but i shouldn’t and it bothers me but like, when it matters i don’t trust that easily. i don’t think.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

sitting in bed thinking i should sleep and then not sleeping for a couple hours bc I’m annoying as fuuuuuUUuuuuUuuck 

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

molly and lex definitely lol

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

probably cry forever and die 

8: Are you close with your dad?

not really but its fine 

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

i didn't 

10: What are you listening to?

jennifer talk like always when I’m doing these questions 

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

probably just water so then i can add flavoring #hacks

12: Do you like hickeys?

yes they’re nice 

13: What time do you go to bed?

whenever the fuck i want I’m an adult, but usually not before midnight ever 

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

nacho boy. this bitch. like u bought me nachos. then told me u wish u were buying me nachos. and then u tell me u wanna not talk bc ur talking to another girl. how many times can u fuckin say we’ll hang out then cancel on me then tell me i look hot then tell me ur busy for the rest of ur life then tell me u want me then ignore me and let our snap streak die. fuck YOU. 

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

not as quickly but i can still do it 

16: Do you always answer your texts?

usually always yes. unless I’m ignoring u. but even then ill answer eventually.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

ummMmmMm idk who i fell hardest for tbh. but chances are yes bc i hate everyone  

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

im one of those ppl who constantly has to talk to her friends so like…5 seconds ago lol 

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

JOEY!!!! THE LOML!!!! he picked me up last time i saw him despite him being literally half my weight. i love him. he could never make me sad. he’s one of my safe spots. always happy in his arms. 

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

ummmmm i was waiting for a boy to message me back so probably about him tbh 

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

there is not………that i can see 

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

justin timberlake would say yes so i say yes 

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

no. i am 75634728930% happier now than i was four months ago. i love college. but I’m still not happy. just happier. ya KNOW 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

ye i don’t know if things are necessarily broken but they def need fixing but also I’m not gonna try if they’re not gonna try YA FEEL 

25: In the past week, have you cried?

yes. i cried over a dog. 

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

white.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

my teachers used to but not really anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

umm the love of my life on tinder is potentially ignoring me or is maybe just really busy i don’t know but i love him and want him to message me back. also, nacho boy like always but iM OVER IT. 

29: Do you have a best friend?

id say i have many 

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

no. lol 

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

mary was my last text and my mother my last call 

32: Are you mad at anyone?

everyone tbh. i hate people. I’m mad at everyone forever. 

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yes like…..4 hours ago 

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

25

35: How many more days until your birthday?

ONE MONTH EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

lmao tf no i don’t even have plans for tomorrow 

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

yes joseph and peter r cool 

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

i do not really think so, but who tf knows 

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i do not really think so?

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

not that i recall. i mean like now looking back, yes, obviously. but at the time no.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

to an extent yes but also to an extent no 

42: Are you available?

not emotionally but physically 

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

like………i don’t even know if my feelings are real. don’t fucking ask me this. bye. 

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

nips 

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

i think so, if its the right kind of exes ya but shits never gonna work if there r still feelings 

46: Do you regret anything?

yes, being born 

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

how fuckin TIRED I AM I WANNA DIE 

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

indeed i have, my dude 

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

i wouldn’t say so 

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

bc hes involved w Satan (the girl not the devil) and i cant deal w that right now 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

no he has not 

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

ummmm we haven’t talked since he dropped me off but he may text me tomorrow but I’m not about to text him first 

53: What was the last thing you ate?

restaurant style tortilla chips made w 7 seeds and grains 

54: Did you get any compliments today?

i think so. if the boy i had sex w didn’t compliment me i shouldn’t have had sex w him. I’m sure he said something 

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

i don’t even know if I’m going on a next vacation 

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

i do not think so, which is tragic 

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

girls currently 

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

illinois all my life which is LAME 

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

friday when my mom picked me up from school and drove me home 3 hours

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

yes in like 7th grade lol but not since i do not believe 

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

i don’t think so? 

62: Who do you text the most?

ummm this is a great question. maybe mary or ola. 

63: What was the last movie you saw?

i watched zootopia yesterday. i think it was yesterday. idk but i think that was the last movie i saw. unless I’m going crazy. wait jk i watched the beginning of mr. woodcock tonight but didn’t finish it 

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

i don’t have a current boyfriend/girlfriend 

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

zero 

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

no he is not U ALREADY ASKED THIS 

67: Do you curse around your parents?

nope they’d kill me i think 

68: Are you happy with where you live?

i suppose. it could be better but it could also be much worse 

69: Picture of yourself?

imagine a pile of shit inside a trash can filled w trash….thats me 

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

i like monogamy if its w a good person ya know.

71: Have you ever been dumped?

i do not believe so because i don’t recall ever being in a relationship 

72: What do you most like about making out?

when they stop making out w u and kiss ur neck  

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

yes, thats what all my make out sessions r like. I’ve never seriously been involved w anyone ever 

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

1000% other person bc I’m a PUSSY 

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

smile but also like…abs. fuck me up 

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

either alex or sam 

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

that has indeed happened lmao. 

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

that has thankfully not happened.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

when boys call me baby :))))))) and flirts w me :))))))))) i love attention and boys being nice to me 

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

ummm. depends what ‘involved with’ means. fuck? yes. date? no. 

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

no bc nobody has ever had a crush on me lol 

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

i tell my friends and i have a decent amount of friends. 

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

my last sweetie does not exist, sweetie. jeez get off my fuckin case bro. 

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

probs never. i don’t ever recall slow dancing w anyone 

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

that was never a thing that happened. 

86: How can I win your heart?

PUPPIES and soft blankets and FOOOOD 

87: What is your astrological sign?

sagittarius 

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

nothing much different from what i was doing at 11pm last night 

89: Do you cook?

i do not :( 

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

no bc i have no old flame 

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

kinda, ya. :( 

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

ummm. i don’t wanna fall into a relationship too quick but also if i like someone i wanna date them ya know

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

nice hair, nice smile, nice body 

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

1. a smoothie 

2. a boy to cuddle me to sleep rn 

3. medicine to cure my brain 

4. money 

95: Are you a player?

i wouldn’t consider myself to be 

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

according to the definition of a day being 24 hours i believe yes but according to my definition of a day being from when you wake up to when you go to sleep no. 

97: Are you a tease?

I’ve been called a tease but i don’t think i permanently am. i just looked hot and had to get attention from a boy

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

i don’t think so??? 

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

yes. justin timberlake 

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

probs

101: Hugs or Kisses?

hugs 

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

yes 100% 

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

smile 

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

YES 

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

um id probs talk to them about it but tell them i wouldn’t if they were still in a relationship regardless ya know 

106: Do you flirt a lot?

i try but i fail a lot 

107: Your last kiss?

like 4 hours ago w a boy named colin 

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

yes

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

yes 

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

justin timberlake or brandon saad 

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

i have a solid idea 

112: Does someone like you currently?

i think so yes. possibly multiple guys yike 

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

i do and it HURTS 

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

id like to be in a relationship but everyone i want to be in a relationship w makes it impossible to do so 

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

yes. i have, thank u v much 

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

ive never been in. a relationship so i don’t have anything to compare it to.

[spillyourspirit]

answer all the questions

1. Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? Because life has this way of letting me fuck up everything for myself I think.

2. Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Nah.

3. If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Nah, I smoke.4. Do you find it easy to trust others? Not anymore, no.5. What were you doing at 11PM last night? Picking my roommate up from work and smoking a cigarette.6. You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? Probably the crew.7. What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Fuck that shit, been there done that.8:Are you close with your dad? I am my father’s daughter, I am my father’s mistakes. I’m easily undone, and I’m no stranger to rage. (the answer is no, but I am a mini-me of my father minus the alcoholism.)9. I bet you kissed someone last night, right? Nah.10. What are you listening to? Movements - Deep Red11. You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Mountain Dew.12. Do you like hickeys? I’m down for them, sure.13. What time do you go to bed? Depends on the day, currently I’m awake and it’s 4am. 14. Is there someone who continuously lets you down? My damn self.15. Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? Nah.

16. Do you always answer your texts? Hahahahaha, that’s a joke, right?

17. Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? Yes.

18. When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? I live with him, so today.19. Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Dude, my little brother has been my reason to smile since the day he was born.20. What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I texted someone I loved them and cried because I fucked up our friendship and relationship period pretty hard.21. Is anyone else in the room with you? I’ve been watching Naruto sitting at the computer, Mikey’s sleeping.22. Do you believe what goes around comes around? Karma’s a bitch.23. Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Fuck no.24. Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? Yeah, see #20.25. In the past week, have you cried? See #20.26. What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Green.27. Do people ever call you by your last name? My maiden name is rad as fuck, wish more people would call me by it. But nah, it’s usually just Delaney or Laney.28. Is anyone ignoring you right now? Yeah, quite a few people.

29. Do you have a best friend? Yeah I have two of those, one isnt talking to me, the other is sleeping in the same room.

30. Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? Nah.

31. Who was your last call/text message from? Dude from work, Eric got sick from eating food at work and so I asked him if he was cool and he replied with ‘hell no tell >insert managers name here

32. Are you mad at anyone? My damn self.

33. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? All of the people I’ve kissed except one have been older than me.

34. How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? hahahahah, 30.

35. How many more days until your birthday? 339 days.

36. Do you have any summer plans yet? it’s Fall, so no. But hopefully I won’t be living in Ohio then.

37. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? All of my friends of the opposite sex are good friends.

38. Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Yeah, I havent said anything about relapsing yet so there’s that.

39. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Nope, I’m an open book honestly.

40. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? I wish I hadn’t kissed my soon-to-be ex husband or ever went through with any of it. I’m so fucking naive.

41. Do you think age matters in relationships? Age and maturity usually go hand-in-hand.

42. Are you available? I guess you can say that.

43. How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? Three. 

44. If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? my medusa/philthrum back.

45. Do you believe exes can be friends? Depends, I’m only friends with one of my exes.

46. Do you regret anything? I regret High School. Regret wasting my time. Regret seeing anything in him when he saw nothing in me. Regret how the past weeks been treating me emotionally.

47. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? How thirsty I am and wanting to go to the gas station/on a walk to smoke and clear my mind.

48. Did you ever lose a best friend? Yeah.

49. Was your last kiss a mistake? Not actually.

50. Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Because he’s pursuing someone a lot closer to him.

51. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? I left his place and drove and cried, so no.

52. Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Yeah, he works beside where I work and I watch his kids for a few hours in exchange for cigarettes and weed.

53. What was the last thing you ate? Mcdonalds nugs.

54. Did you get any compliments today? Yes.

55. Where are you going on your next vacation? Anywhere but here.

56. Do you own anything from other countries? Nah.

57. Are most of your friend guys or girls? Guys.

58. Where have you lived most of your life? Toledo, Ohio

59. When was the last time you took a long drive? When I drove to Grand Rapids to see State Champs.

60. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? Nah.

61. Have you ever TPd someone’s house? No.

62. Who do you text the most? I really don’t text anyone like that.

63. What was the last movie you saw? I rewatched Star Wars Episode 6 the other day.

64. What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? I’m single haha

65. How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? Four. Nicholas, Tyler, Tanner, and Tyler #2.

66. Is the last person you kissed younger than you? Hell naw, he’s 29.

67. Do you curse around your parents? Yes.

68. Are you happy with where you live? Sure, I love Toledo. Gotta love/hate/love with the city I’m in.

69. Picture of yourself? http://www.feverdre4m.tumblr.com/tagged/me dude

70. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? If I’m down for you, I’m down for you and you only.

71. Have you ever been dumped? YUP like the trash I am.

72. What do you most like about making out? How a simple kiss goes to making out, to clashing teeth, lip biting and then everything else.

73. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Nah.

74. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? Usually them cause I’m too shy to do that shit.

75. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Hands and eyes. But definitely hands.

76. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? Mikey.

77. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? Nah.

78. Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? Nah.

79. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? Any kind of fucking attention cause I’m a helpless fucking fuckup.

80. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? I have, and would, sure.

81. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Yeah.

82. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? Naw, I usually fuck up before it gets to that point.

83. Do you miss your last sweetie? Nah.

84. Last time you slow danced with someone? Never.

85. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? Yes.

86. How can I win your heart? Coffee and a book, yellow roses and sourpatch kids- maybe even a playlist of your favorite acoustic songs.

87. What is your astrological sign?  Libra.

88:What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Watching Naruto baked as fuck.

89. Do you cook? I’m a bomb ass cook.

90. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? YUP

91. If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Wish at least the person I was interested in wouldnt have fucked with my feelings.

92. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I dont fall into anything quickly. Fuck relationships honestly. I do me.

93. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? Nice hair, nice smile, beautiful eyes.

94. Name four things that you wish you had! A good paying job, a billion dollars, more tattoos, and another billion dollars.

95. Are you a player? Nah, I’m the game, everyone plays me.

96. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? Fuck no.

97. Are you a tease? Fuck yeah.

98. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Nope.

99. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Yep.

100. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? I mean if the opportunity arose, sure.

101:Hugs or Kisses? probably kisses.

102. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yep.

103. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes.

104. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? yes.

105. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? Nah, gotta respect their relationship dude.

106. Do you flirt a lot? Probably.

107. Your last kiss? was just a kiss.

108. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? Yep.

109. Have you kissed anyone in the past month? YEP

110. If you could kiss anyone who would it be? Jesse Barnett probably

111. Do you know who you’ll kiss next? Nope.

112. Does someone like you currently? Said he does but doesnt want to pursuit something that he feels won’t work out.

113. Do you currently have feelings for anyone? YEAH

114. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? I like shit to be serious but y’all keep playing games so the flings gonna have to do.

115. Ever made out with just a friend? Naw.

116. Are you happier single or in a relationship? I’m not usually a happy person so.

117: (Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.) Are you going to the gas station to grab pop at 5 am? The answer is yes.

[brucebai]

The mystery of work-life balance

The mystery of work-life balance http://ift.tt/2tN8pym

This was first published on my mailing list The Looking Glass. Every week, I answer a reader’s question.

Photo by James Cridland

How can I achieve work-life balance?

My office has a culture of being “always on”, where people will send e-mails at all hours expecting a response. I care about our company and want to advance my career, but I also enjoy doing other things, and want to spend evenings and weekends with my husband and friends. Also, I want to have kids soon, but I already feel guilty that I’m not working hard enough. How can I achieve work-life balance and not get too stressed out?

This felt like an appropriate question for this week, as I’m writing this from a plane flying to Paris. My husband and I have been dreaming of spending time in Europe for an extended vacation, but we’ve never managed to make it happen. Now that we have two kids, the idea of bonding as a family and creating memories together feels even more important, so we’re pulling the trigger. For the next five weeks, we’ll be together with our two kids and my parents visiting Paris, Ireland, Barcelona, and Switzerland. Wish us luck!

Your situation sounds so familiar, and is a common challenge especially in Silicon Valley. Work-life balance is a struggle at every stage in one’s career. Whether you’re just starting out in your first job and want to prove yourself, or you’ve taken on more responsibility and need to follow through, there never seems to be enough hours in the day. In my first few years out of college, I’d regularly stay at the office until past two or three am eating junky snacks at my desk instead of proper meals. I’d barely respond to messages from my friends, let alone see them. Of course this turned out to be unsustainable and unsatisfying, and in the years since I’ve built up some tactics for getting to better work-life balance:

Realize it’s all in your head: Everyone’s work environment is different, so if you happen to be in a particularly intense workplace where you’re being explicitly told to work at all hours, that’s rough. Most enlightened employers realize that success is a long journey, won over years of dedication, not a few intense all-nighters. As a result, even in my most unbalanced times, most of the pressure was internal. It’s mainly my own expectations that drove me to think, “I need to respond to this e-mail right now” even when now was Saturday evening at 9pm. Realizing this was self-imposed freed me up to take control of the situation.

Set clear boundaries: The first step is setting clear boundaries with yourself and sticking to them. For me, that self-agreement is often “I’m leaving the office at 6pm, and will only do one hour of work from 9pm to 10.” Make your boundaries clear to your co-workers as well. Discuss this openly with your manager to ensure you have her or his support, and take into account any concerns. There may need to be exceptions to your boundaries, and emergencies can always happen, but it’s good to be explicit about what these situations are, e.g. the site is down, tomorrow is launch day, a teammate needs you to unblock them, etc… That way, you can have a framework for how to decide that something requires your immediate attention. Then, in all other cases, it’s like texting in a movie theater: it can wait!

Set clear, realistic goals: The concept of “balance” implies there are competing forces, each pulling in different directions. However, if you don’t actually know what you’re trying to accomplish, both professionally and personally, then it’s easy to fall into the trap of working all the time. After all, if you have no way of knowing when you’ve “achieved your goal”, then work can be an endless treadmill of tasks. Similarly, if you haven’t set goals around your personal interests or relationships, it’s easy to neglect them, as they might feel less necessary than work. Make a conscious decision around how you want to spend your life with the limited time you have, balancing what would make you feel successful in work and what you’d find personally enriching. For me, vacations, friends, and eating well fill me up, so I take at least one weekend trip every month and plan ahead to see friends often for dinner at some new restaurant we’re excited to check out.

Minimize distractions: Since you don’t plan to work 24/7, you’ll need to be efficient in the hours you do spend working. The stress from work-life imbalance comes when you aren’t spending your time the way you want. I block out my day at work explicitly, with goals for every 30-minute chunk, and then I do everything in my power to stay focused. When you’re home, actually be fully at home. For me, I use a different computer so I can focus on writing, photo editing, or other personal tasks where I don’t need to be on VPN or have my e-mail one cmd-tab away. Sure, my phone can still ping me, but a quick glance will reveal if any messages qualify as an “exception” that requires my response — they usually don’t. When I really want to give myself the best chance of focusing, I turn off notifications or go on airplane mode. And for goodness sake, please don’t look at your phone while you’re out with friends — that’s not the point.

Prioritize quality over quantity in all things: What can you do with a few hours or a day that would be truly memorable? My husband and I will often throw at each other “life’s too short to watch anything you don’t truly love” which means we’ve watched the first episode of dozens of shows, but actually only followed through on a tiny handful (Game of Thrones, Sherlock, Death Note). We call each other out when one of us seems to be stuck in an Internet click spiral. With my children, I try to find new experiences that we can enjoy together. If it’s between going to a playground we’ve gone to before or traveling to a new playground, we’ll usually opt for the latter.

Get all the help you can: Since you mentioned starting a family, the main advice I can offer here is getting help. Having a partner who is a true partner, family nearby who can share the load, and a fully loaded spectrum of friends/daycare/nanny/baby-sitting/backup options to call upon when work or life pulls you away is hugely important. You don’t have to do it all yourself, and you don’t have to be perfect. Admitting that I needed help and training myself to ask for it was the most valuable lesson I learned in my first year as a parent.

Get enough sleep: Recognizing that stress is all in your head, you need to treat your head right. For me, that means getting enough sleep. I want to preface this by saying that I am the worst at going to sleep on time. For years, I’d set an 11:00pm bedtime and promptly blow through it every single night, fueled by some mysterious reservoir of late-night energy, even when I promised myself that tomorrow would be different. About six months ago, I made a breakthrough by going kindergarten-style with a star chart on my closet wall tracking whether I’ve put my head on the pillow each night by 11pm. It’s made me much better about bedtime (although in the spirit of transparency I must admit that I’ve slipped in the past month.) When I manage to get a full eight hours of sleep, I feel much better equipped to handle my day and whatever little hurdles pop up in front of me.

Take time to look back: I can tell when I’m slipping into a state of imbalance when I look back at the past month and I have trouble recalling what I did. I don’t want to just go through the motions of getting through the day, the week, or the month. Instead, I want to make memories and appreciate them. One of the ways I’ve found to best do that is through writing and journaling, as well as taking lots of photos and videos. I write about what I’m learning with my kids every month. I keep a private journal called “Life Memories” that I imagine our family reading a decade into the future. My friends know me as “the paparazzi” in all our outings because of how many photos I take. I love looking back and cherishing past events, and looking back also motivates me to plan my coming year and get the most out of it. Like spending five weeks in Europe :-)

To ask a question or follow along weekly with more Q&As like this, subscribe to The Looking Glass mailing list.

The mystery of work-life balance was originally published in The Year of the Looking Glass on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

BruceFav Bloggers via FB Designer Julie Zhuo on Medium http://ift.tt/2bdAnHn July 5, 2017 at 12:24AM

[runningbarefootonice]

1-22??

Hey, thanks a lot! But because I didn’t pay attention to my queue it seems, I reblogged two ask memes a couple hours apart, and now I don’t know which ones these are for - I’m assuming it’s for the ones I reblogged more recently, but since I love talking about myself I’m gonna answer both, so grab a cup of tea, we’re in for a long ride

For the one from last night:

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? Well, I’m confused about why I start to panic when I’m using my own computer, even if it works perfectly???

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?No lol

3:If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?Yes tbh….

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?                 Hahaha. (no)

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?Probably sitting on the computer and avoiding sleep

6:You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?I’ve never been in that situation or even close, so I have no idea

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

8: Are you close with your dad? Not really, no

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?No

10: What are you listening to?I’m listening to a youtube video in the background, a german beauty haul

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?Water? 

12: Do you like hickeys?No, they’re gross and I don’t want to see them lmao

13: What time do you go to bed?idk I currently can’t seem to make it to bed before 2 am, but usually between 11 and 12

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?Yeah lol

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? Hell no, I need both hands

16: Do you always answer your texts?tbh, no… 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?No, she still means a lot to me, I could never hate her

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?On facebook last night, but in person around a month ago

19:Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?Does my cat count, because I hope so because it’s definitely her  

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?Hm, I actually don’t remember. Probably something about “I can’t believe I stayed up so late again”

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? No….-not that I know of, who knows

22:Do you believe what goes around comes around?I wish it was that way, but I have yet to see that happen.

And for the one from this morning:

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?Meh… It’s better with my mom than with my dad, but not really perfect either

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? My cat tbh

03: Do you regret anything?I regret like everything I do lmaoo

04:Are you insecure? Fuck yes

05: What is your relationship status?I’m single

06: How do you want to die? Yikes let’s skip this one

07:What did you last eat? A piece of cheesecake

08: Played any sports? No

09: Do you bite your nails? not really anymore, but I bite and pick the skin around the nails. gross 

10: When was your last physical fight?I have no idea??

11: Do you like someone?I think so, yes

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?Yes, bad idea, don’t do that kids

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? YES

14: Do you miss someone?I miss a lot of people

15: Have any pets?I have a cat that I love very much

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?I don’t know I have this mild anxiety that’s bubbling right underneath the surface and could boil over any second for no reason

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? No

18: Are you scared of spiders?Fuck yes :/

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?I think about this all the time. I would. But it’s a good thing I can’t, because changing things in the past and messing with time never ends well in movies and books right

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?Like what place on their body…. Or what place were we…. (1 on the mouth, 2 idk lmao)

21:What are your plans for this weekend?Well, the weekend is almost over, but what I did was sleep, deliver newspapers, bake a cake, sew, work on a father’s day present, eat cake, sit outside in the grass for hours

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? I don’t want any kids, no

[cinder-timber]

1-116

i did all these instead of working on my articles due today

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? cause i’m dumb af and cause i’m thinking about everything and making myself anxious

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? sometimes i get them from my mom when like something big is about to happen (like when i had auditions and stuff) or i’m feeling sick. they’re sweet

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? yeah. i mean i’m not going to just drop them. i’m not an ass. but like. it could be an issue

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? not really but i like to think the best of people. like i’m really guarded but kinda hopeful too. i w a n t to trust others but i don’t do it well

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? trying to get motivation to do my work

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? idk i’m probably doing it alone tbh. i f anyone, i’d hope zuma or peter

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?cry. a lot. cycle between anger and sad. I’d give them a chance to maybe like explain or to fix it. but that trust is ruined. and i’d probably eventually end it8: Are you close with your dad? yeah but no. like, im a lot closer with my mom and i’ll share stuff with her but like. i love my dad there’s just some (a lot of things) that i’m like nope

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? heck off

10: What are you listening to? podcast. Off topic. not really listening though i just can’t sit in silence

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? apple juice maybe

12: Do you like hickeys? never had them so. but maybe. i like the fact that they usually mean someone had a real nice time

13: What time do you go to bed? whenever my body just. shuts down. usually i wake up like fuck i fell asleep

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? myself bit c h

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? not as quick but still pretty dang quick

16: Do you always answer your texts? i try but sometimes i A) don’t know how to respond B) can’t find the energy to C) the text makes me anxious and i can’t even look at it17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No. Opposite

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? like. fifteen minutes ago. talk talk though, Thursday

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Zuma, Layla

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Let’s just say it was bad things

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? nah

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? a bit. very satisfying when it happens

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? about four months ago i was home with my dog so no.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? kinda. not like we hate each other and i wish i could fix it but like. yeah

25: In the past week, have you cried? yeah

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? black. it’s usually safe to assume i’m wearing black

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? not really

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? i feel like it but i’m probably just overthinking like usual

29: Do you have a best friend? Zuma

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? no last person i kissed so

31: Who was your last call/text message from? zuma and how he’s basically furby jesus

32: Are you mad at anyone? not really. frustrated but not mad

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? no

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 0

35: How many more days until your birthday? 38 days

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? i have a study abroad trip in June. Plan on seeing Zuma at some point but other than that, no

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? yes

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? eh

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? i have several

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? hasn’t happened

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? yes but like. extremes.

42: Are you available? Y E S

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? one?

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? i have a septum piercing. i wanted a industrial bar but my ear is too tiny. some other earring piercing that i can’t remember the name for. i like labret piercings (the one on like your bottom lip in the middle). if i was more confident with my tummy and would actually show it off, a belly button piercing. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? depends on how it ended but yeah. i’d hope so. i can’t imagine getting that close to someone and then just. ending it. it makes me anxious thinking about it

46: Do you regret anything? many a things

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? mean things that i’m not gonna worry people with

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?no. i’ve lost a friend but she was more a “friend” 49: Was your last kiss a mistake? 😒

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? because i know for a Fact it will not happen/work

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? 😒😒

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? 😒😒😒53: What was the last thing you ate? a pack of fruit snacks

54: Did you get any compliments today? i have not even seen anyone today

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? i probably won’t until my study abroad trip. maybe a small trip for my birthday

56: Do you own anything from other countries? postcards

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? it’s a pretty even split tbh

58: Where have you lived most of your life? Tennessee

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? ok like. how long is a long drive? to me that’s like five hours. and i haven’t done that in a while

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?no61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? nope

62: Who do you text the most? Zuma

63: What was the last movie you saw?Logan64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? 😒😒😒

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? none 😒😒😒😒

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? 😒😒😒😒😒😒

67: Do you curse around your parents? very small doses. and when i’m like relaying a story usually

68: Are you happy with where you live? eh

69: Picture of yourself? in a second

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? i’m pretty sure i’m a monogamous person. if i did the open end, it’d have to be a we’re all three in a relationship together kind of thing.

71: Have you ever been dumped? no

72: What do you most like about making out? 😒😒😒😒😒😒🖕🏻

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? no

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? smiles are pretty nice

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? i think zuma. if not him, no one

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? nah

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? listen i’ve never had sex and tbh not the biggest fan of it

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your faceanimals. and when someone does/says something nice about me. like honestly someone tagged me in something like offhandedly nice and i almost cried and screenshotted and stared at it for like twenty minutes

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? idk there’s a lot of variables to consider in that. but it’s not a hard no

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? no

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? n o

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? sigh

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? like senior prom two years ago.

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?never dated. the never met part makes me anxious though. i gotta know a little bit about them 86: How can I win your heart? we just have to like. get along, kinda click. it’s not that hard

87: What is your astrological sign? Taurus

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?i think i was in the shower89: Do you cook? yeah. i think pretty decently too

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? no

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? yes

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? i don’t do either

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? physically, i’m really not picky. i find a good majority of people attractive

94: Name four things that you wish you had!1. my dog2. more pets3. a relationship or something like it at least. (i just need cuddles man)4. my best friend being not so far away

95: Are you a player? no

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? no

97: Are you a tease? i don’t think so

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Zuma. Burrowing owl

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? i think so but idk

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? yeah

101: Hugs or Kisses?either one honestly102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? I’m too shy to say yes to anything even remotely close, let alone ask someone out

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? that they’re. the opposite sex i guess. idk. something unique about them (anyone tbh)104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? i mean. i’ve been called babe by friends before. i might find it cute when it’s said romantically but idk

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? Fuck no. Fuck anyone that does that

106: Do you flirt a lot? no

107: Your last kiss?

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? who does this. who does all this kissing that there’s so many kissing questions

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? W h y

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? stop

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? enough

112: Does someone like you currently? lmao no

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? kinda

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious. i get too attached to people for flings

115: Ever made out with just a friend? no. we do little nose or forehead kisses but never made out

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? idk

[homesickheadaches-blog]

Working on sharing my thoughts

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? I can’t tell if i miss my ex or not, I guess I’m also always anxious so that just ???

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Not recently

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? No hopefully they share tbh

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? No not really

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? Oversleeping like usual

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? No one probably, or my best friend

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Probably get really depressed and just awful emotionally in general

8: Are you close with your dad? Haha n o

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? Unfortunately no

10: What are you listening to? Demon days by Gorillaz 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Lemonade

12: Do you like hickeys? F u c k yes

13: What time do you go to bed? Anywhere from 8 PM to 3 AM

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? A couple I guess

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? Yeah

16: Do you always answer your texts? I usually do but sometimes no

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No I don’t think so

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Today

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Not right now

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Probably something about my pillow being soft

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? My cat is

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Yeah

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Nah, I’m still as anxiety ridden and sad as I was then 24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? Yes…

25: In the past week, have you cried? O h GOSH let me tell ya 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Light blue

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? My theatre teacher does sometimes

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? Yeah 29: Do you have a best friend? Yeah 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? I see it every day and yeah it kinda hurts, more of a numb ache now

31: Who was your last call/text message from? My mom I think

32: Are you mad at anyone? Lowkey but nothing outrageous

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Nope

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 16

35: How many more days until your birthday? A lot, it’s in November

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? I might be visiting dad this summer with my siblings

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Yeah

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Yes but it’s nothing big

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? …maybe

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Nah

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? Really big age gaps matter but a few years apart doesn’t really matter

42: Are you available? Yeah

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? I’m still in high school but like, one

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? Belly button piercing

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Yes but it really depends on the people

46: Do you regret anything? Regret seems rather useless to be because what’s done is done

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Chicken Ramen

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? I’m elementary school I guess

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? No 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Because I don’t really romantically like anyone right now

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Maybe during one of my recent breakdowns/ anxiety attacks maybe but I do not know for sure

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? No… 53: What was the last thing you ate? Some chips 54: Did you get any compliments today? My mom said my hair looked nice

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Grandma’s house

56: Do you own anything from other countries? I have a little change purse from Mexico

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Guys I think

58: Where have you lived most of your life? Half in Colorado half in Virginia

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? Friday

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? Nope

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? Haha no

62: Who do you text the most? I don’t text often but either my mom or my best friend

63: What was the last movie you saw? Star Wars the empire strikes back probably 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? I don’t have a bf but in the future I’d like to think it would be them liking me more

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? Lmfao none

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? By a couple months yeah

67: Do you curse around your parents? Around my mom

68: Are you happy with where you live? Heck no

69: Picture of yourself? Maybe later

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? I’m monogamous

71: Have you ever been dumped? …yeah… 72: What do you most like about making out? Being close to the person, the giddiness of it, playing with the other person’s hair and kissing and biting their neck

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Nope

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? The other person

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Hair and eyes

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? No one I think

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? Nope

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? Seeing other people be happy

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Depends …. maybe

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Yeah

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? I tell maybe one or two

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? Lowkey maybe

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? I’ve never slowdanced before :^(

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? Nah

86: How can I win your heart? Stick with me through my shyness and have a good sense of humor and a nice personality 87: What is your astrological sign? Scorpio

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping and or sleep walking again

89: Do you cook? Yes, it’s really fun

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? Nope

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Oh gosh yeah but I’m scared of one at the same time

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I prefer to date only one person

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? Dark hair is really nice to me for some reason

94: Name four things that you wish you had! 1. Mental stability 2. Lemonade 3. A will to live 4. A person I completely trust and feel the motivation to consistently talk to

95: Are you a player? No

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? No

97: Are you a tease? A little

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Nope

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Yeah..

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Probably

101: Hugs or Kisses? Both :^D

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? It depends, I am really fucking shy though

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Personality

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? FUCK YES I LOVE IT I have no idea why but if we’re dating and you call me babe I will melt

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? No, I’d feel like a dick

106: Do you flirt a lot? No I am way too shy

107: Your last kiss? In March of last year

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? In the last five years I have kissed o e person

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? No :^(

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? Not sure in all honesty

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? No

112: Does someone like you currently? I think so ?? Maybe

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? There’s certainly something there, not sure if it’s positive or just destroying me it’s sitting there

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious relationships are definitely preferable

115: Ever made out with just a friend? Nope

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? Maybe in a relationship I guess, I’ve only ever been in one

QUESTIONS CREDIT http://versusthequeer.tumblr.com/post/32119481015