#i did super heavily lean on the original but i just wanted to do this as a writing ex and to get into character :)

[hbheavensent]

Belphegor/The Sloth Ring

Oh my sweet sleepy she/they who gets off screened,,,

Also I did a bit of building with The Sloth Ring in general.

Belphegor, out of all the fallen angels, had the easiest transition from Heaven to Hell. She's practically dead to the world most of the time and conversations with her never last very long. She is eternally exhausted, excluding a cold chill that inspires you to curl up with the nearest blanket- but if you get too close to her fur you'll just melt right into it. Naturally I took away her arms, they won't be needing those. I imagine she's very magical, has telekinetic powers that move things out of her way automatically when she sleepwalks. Also some level of psychic powers, very good at reading emotions... would be awesome if she could communicate that but she rarely has the energy too. As for the rest of her design elements, I combined moth motifs with her previous sheep/llama vibes. This isn't for any good reason really, I just heavily associate moths with winter and death. I've also tried to make her shapes a touch more rounded besides the wings/cape arms. I wanted to really emulate drippy wax with her fur as well- Honestly, I'm not sure I'm happy with her but I DO love her dark smokey candle that just fucking blinds you lmao

I wanted to lean into a overwhelming presence with the big form, I honestly might go back and rework it because I'm not super happy with it but- yk. I really was inspired by the Minecraft Warden for her as she acts as more of an environmental hazard, not only are you mostly in the dark but you're completely disoriented. Like you're being pumped full of melatonin gummies and are desperate to stay awake. She's for sure in a lot of pain in her Big Fuckoff Form, all she wants to do is sleep. I imagine she can't talk at all like this, projecting feelings into people rather than having the energy to express them, which is naturally draining on anyone else.

As for the Sloth Ring, I wanted to scrap the hospital thing and fully make it into a winter wonderland. The cold really slows the world down, muffles noise, makes you want to just stay in. Why go to work when you have to shovel the driveway? Also I find it fun to make it so that Hell Literally Froze Over since she was the last to fall. Primarily for not doing their job in Heaven. Belph was the Archangel of Dreams, Visions, and Positive Energy- which was originally shared by herself and Lucifer before The Apple Incident, and then after her own fall those titles were given to Lucifer's younger brother Michael. (Who we will get to LATER, I have a lot of Extra Angels to draw.)

This is a shorter post because admittedly with finals week I have been scatter brained as all hell BUT! I do have the rest of the Sins + An Extra done and colored! Sorry this is sparce guys

Also I realized the sins Big Fuckoff Forms (particularly Mammon and Bee) are not big enough but this damn thing is as big as the canvas gets so I'll have to mess with it yet again-

[thegreyjester]

(SORRY FOR THE BAD IMAGES! I’m terrible at pictures!!)

Book Review: AMERICAN PSYCHO How to Make a Killing in Business… and Life by Patrick Bateman (aka Robb Pearlman)

The summary offered by the book: Looking for the best way to get that coveted reservation at Dorsia? The dos and dont's of choosing a business card? How to provide deep-dive backstories on the importance of pop music groups like Genesis or Huey Lewis and the News? Need advice on how to slash the competition, deal with the challenges of letting work bleed into personal life, or dispose of your rivals? Filled with iconic images of the American psycho himself, this compendium of "tips" draws upon the dark, campy humor of the 2000 hit film. Patrick Bateman's How To Make a Killing in Business... and Life is the perfect gift for fans of film, horror, and humor.

Now... if you were expecting a super-serious book that gives more introspection about Patrick's thoughts or character... it's not. The book is composed of three things. Quotes from the movie/book, edited images, and tips that make references from the story.

Really, the Foreword accurately describes what type of book you are getting into, here:

I LIVE IN THE AMERICAN GARDENS BUILDING ON West 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. You may have heard of me. But did you hear that I'm utterly insane? Here's the thing: you're not terribly important to me, but I know that I'm important to you. Important enough for you to buy this book. I guess I should thank you for that. So, because I understand why you'd want to be me, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to tell you how to be just like me. But before we get started, you should know that there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me.

Now you have an idea of what this book is like, it largely just quotes/regurgitates quotes from the movie as tips.

Page 10 talks about his morning routine—nothing new is added. Page 14 is what he told Jean when she offered him ice cream. The 19th page is the bold-striped shirt talk he had faked before Kimball entered his office. Page 20 is the continuation of 19.

However! That is not to say that the book just blatantly copies everything! Sure, while it is heavily quoting the movie/book (the Killer Tunes segment on pages 73-74, 78, and 80, to my immense disappointment, just blatantly quotes the novel and book, with few tweaks), there are original things from this book, one of my favorite being this:

Like a slaughterhouse processing tons of meat annually, corporations can churn through dozens of employees every fiscal year, It can be practically impossible to remember everyone, let alone care enough about them to notice when they're gone. Your colleagues, however, should all know who you are. But if a colleague mistakes you for someone else—even if that someone is an idiot—don't take immediate action. Rather than biting their head off, gather enough embarrassing personal and professional ammunition to humiliate them at a later date. This means disarm them with charm until you're ready to stick the knife in. (Pg. 49)

Personally, I think the book gets better on pages 41 and onward. However! That doesn't mean if find what was before it, or after it unfunny! I personally loved these:

It's not the '80s anymore, so you can totally lean into the whole Yale thing. (Pg. 29)

If a colleague has wronged you, shoot them! An email, ha ha. If that doesn't work, report them to HR. (Pg. 53)

Remember, nobody will ever truly understand who you are or what you do. And since they won't know the difference between mergers and acquisitions and murders and executions you might as well slap them in the face with a whole lot of fantastical-sounding truths about yourself. (Pg. 95)

Now, before writing this, I read a review of the book from Amazon, and I understand their grievances. I can see where they're coming from. This book has multiple glaring errors, especially for fans who know the original text and love the movie well. That being said, I still find it very amusing to read. Especially on certain parts. So, if you're looking for a deep commentary on or a faithful rendition of Bateman or an analysis of the movie/book, this book would leave you disappointed. But if you're after a quick laugh, you might find it here.

Also, Also. My favorite picture from the book is this. He's such a goober.

44 out of the 116 pages (Including the Killer Tune segment) are actual text, discounting the images and the quote segments which have bigger and different fonts/colors.

Publisher: Rizzoli Universe

Rating: 4 stars | ★★★★

Reasoning: They could've done so much more! Personally, I utterly loved it when they strayed a bit on different subjects (Patrick's a member of an HOA/condo board and I freaking utterly adored the secretary segment, which I’ll post if someone asks) or occasionally made a reference. But I really wished they had done something different for the Killer Tunes segment! Like, like, a new take on the music or even different music altogether! Hell—even a subtle change like in the apartheid talk in the WAR AND PIECE segment. Patrick literally said it wasn't the 1980s anymore! GAH! I both love it and hate it! But I'll definitely use some parts of it for fanfic ideas. Anyway—that's my (un)professional review!

[dommnics]

Tell me, please, how did you find your style in drawing characters?

Hi!

I really don't have an original answer haha! For me, what seemed to develop it was just being interested in different kinds of artists and art styles, adopting elements from them and playing with them in a way that I personally liked, and that just eventually became my style

Back when I thought I wanted to head into animation, I was adamant with myself on trying to replicate a mix of the conventional Disney look + Don Bluth's art style. This was 2012 for me where I only drew in that style:

And then I gradually transitioned into what I call my thin lips, thin noses, big ears era lol. It wasn't super conscious, but that's what I just thought looked nice and felt natural to draw at the time. At this point, I discovered the artist Phobs and their style really inspired and influenced a lot of how I drew features during that time. There's some Minkyu Lee influence in there, a bit of Ghibli, and mainly still influenced by animation.

I started getting more into video games later on in high school, and I feel like that started to bleed into my art style somehow.

When I got to university, I had really fallen into a rabbit hole of the world of graphic novels and comics which definitely influenced my style. I was (and still am) really inspired by artists like Babs Tarr, Jorge Jimenez, Jake Wyatt, Jen Wang, Dan Mora, Jeff Smith, Emily Carroll, Faith Erin Hicks, Jamie Hewlett, to name some. There's of course so much more, but I'm just recalling and working off the top of my head!

There was a point where I started drawing more fanart for live action properties (especially for the DC movies) and that also started to influence my style, because I remember I was more interested in leaning away from a heavily cartoony style and trying to give characters slightly more realistic sized features and proportions (but of course, still very stylized.)

But eventually I fell back into a heavier cartoony and stylized look for how I drew characters which is where I'm at these days, and I really attribute this to doing comic work. I worked on my first graphic novel (it's not out yet!) and I can literally see how it changed my style when I look at the first couple of pages vs how I was drawing by the end of the book. It really loosened me up in how I draw now because of how many pages I had to whip up in a month.

For example, this is how I was drawing one of the main characters when I initially pitched the graphic novel in 2020.

and now, he looks like this. Haha!

And ultimately, after looking through old art to find some examples for this, I love that I can still see every single influence and inspiration in how I draw today. I took some different turns along the years (I honestly had so many art style shifts on the way that I didn't even detail here because this thread would be gigantic), but I can see how everything led me to the style that I feel comfortable am happy drawing in today. And I'm sure it's going to continue to look different in two years time even.

[munkussy]

[[ a monkie blog

muses: wukong, mk, macaque ]]

[[ Info: I can play with anyone. This blog is not necessarily in the same canon as bigbluekittypapa (Sandy lmk) but follows and likes from that blog.

Warning: While I'm not exclusive to one genre, one of my favorite genres is psychological horror. That means is blog will contain dark and challenging themes. Posts that may contain gore or explicit horror will be tagged.

mun is run by Tepperz who is 18+ and has dyslexia and anxiety. Sometimes i'll answer asks about me or my muses with art. I can match any roleplay style but there might be typos and occasionally misunderstandings. sometimes im slow to reply so bare with me its not personal. srry if im awkward as fuck. feel free to message me.

Personal Blogs can interact, like, send asks, reblog my posts and my art. However, I roleplay with people who are uncomfortable with personal blogs so do not reblog my roleplay threads without doing your research on my roleplay partner's comfort level. If they are cool with it then its fine, otherwise do not do it.

I wont rp pet death or lost pet scenarios and i have a phobia of realistic insects. blood, gore ok as long as its not the sole focus.

Shiping info: the monkeys are open to new relationships but we have to start from the beginning of the new relationship and I want to be able to test the chemistry in roleplay before clear coupling. Things may happen naturally and that's fine. I'm cool with bdsm within safe measures for my muses. The sexuality of my monkies are this: Wukong is a-romantic and pan-grey-sexual-leaning-towards-guys (basically not on his mind but will go with the mood unless it gets overstimulating), MK is pan-demi-sexual heavily leaning towards men and a-romantic, Macaque is pan-sexual romantic. My personal fav ship is Wukong and MK (peachynoodles), but my two aren't explicitly together. If explicit sexual encounters happen they will be always tagged appropriately as nsfw, and often under a read more.

if i godmod or intrude, sometimes i get carried away, so let me know so i can edit or delete the post. I'm just doin my best in this weird new space.

Disclaimer** I would like it noted that I did not grow up with the original canon of the Journey to the West story, and even though I have done research/reading, my disabilities can prevent me from retaining details. Primarily I'm going to be going off LMK and some retained lore. So I might get JTTW or even lego monky kid lore wrong, occasionally, from small things to even names. I promise this is not intentional thing or done out of disrespect. If it's something that bothers you, feel free to (nicely, I hope) correct potential mistakes in a DM or something, If this is a deal breaker for you I get it, you can just move on.

About the muses: [their blog identifyer will be before the name]

["Wook"] Wukong is also known as The Monkey King -- a powerful entity that is known throughout the lands for causing mischief and destruction. He'd tell you he's done with all that, as he has reached enlightenment after his journey to the west. Wukong has many powers such as the power of 72 transformations, cloning himself, super strength, and more. He also has a magic cloud that can carry him through the sky, and used to have a special growing staff that he has since passed on to his disciple. Wukong's personality is that of a charismatic patriarch figure. There's no specific canon time period for this Wukong yet established, but he's probably around the beginning of season 4.

[[ AUs: Heartmending!Wukong [tag] is a Monkey King who is affiliated with @6em4k 's Macaque. They are currently trying to navigate a relationship together (shadowpeach).

EyesofBlue!Wukong [tag] There is an uninvited intruder on Flower Fruit Mountain, and Wukong intends to get to the bottom of it. The rogue demon turns out to be @worldclassmenageriie 's Chunhua, and her and the Monkey King make a provisionary truce.

["M'Kay"] MK is the disciple of Sun Wukong. His personality is curious, haughty, and caring. Despite being naturally a positive person, MK has trouble wrestling with his survivor's guilt and past traumas, which can lead him to lashing out and becoming withdrawn. I play him as having depression, anxiety, and adhd. His age is around 27 and his canon takes place somewhere around season 4. He has all of the same powers of Wukong as well as his staff, and is quite skilled, although he can be clumsy at times. MK is not yet comfortable with being a monkey or what that means for him, and this stress of that can make his body unstable. MK has other hobbies, such as drawing with crayons and fanboying to various things (including over Wukong).

[[ AUs: Sapphire!MK [Tag] is an au that may be asked for: this is an au for an MK who is attached to @cosmicxblossoms RH!Wukong, and currently has trauma with @swk4k s Wukong. "Running away from his home in pain and misery, MK gets lost and finds solace and kinship with an unlikely ally -- a broken Wukong in another world."

Jade!MK [tag] An AU where MK is stuck in trauma mode after a traumatic encounter with @swk4k s Wukong. "After bottling up his emotions and unsuccessfully reaching out to those he cares for, this MK has become deeply resentful of himself and his powers, leading him to embrace his primate form permanently."

Lapis!MK [tag] is an MK who is affiliated with @giibbonbeng 's Tongbi and her canon. ]]

["Mac"] Macaque, also known as the 6-eared-macaque, is another powerful monkey from the Journey to the West story. Macaque has the power of illusions, can control shadows, and make portals to wherever he likes. Macaques personality is that of a stoic chaotic-neutral antagonist. He has a jaded and complicated relationship with Wukong, and wears that baggage wherever he goes. It's hard for him to trust others or settle down, and he often makes a bad impression on those he meets. He likes theater but isn't a very good artist. Macaque has a scar on the right side of his face and three sets of colorful ears, and he glamors both of these things away most of the time. He cannot see out of his right eye, but makes up for it by using his other senses well. His canon is unclear, anywhere from season 2-3. ]]

[[ AUs: ReluctantDouble!Macaque [tag] -- A Macaque that has connections with @cosmicxblossoms ReluctantHero!Macaque. "Macaque's portals are on the fritz and he gets zapped into a parallel dimension where Wukong is dead. Another Macaque, one who has been through the Journey to the West adventure, is the only one he can turn to."

WhatColorIsRevenge!Macaque [tag] -- A Macaque that has connections with @swk4k s Wukong. "In a heated argument where things went too far, Macaque pins down Wukong and takes what belongs to him. An eye for an eye." ]]

[purgemarchlockdown]

Mikoto being so heavily associated with the female characters while Kotoko isn't is really intriguing with how he's so heavily sexualized in MeMe and plays into a lot of horror tropes.

The bathtub and the shower scene are common locations in horror, especially for Women. With one of the most iconic horror scenes Ever being the shower scene from Psycho, in which a woman is murdered in the shower.

Not to mention the lyrical pattern of calling back the title of the first MV that all the girls, except for Kotoko, follow. With Mikoto actually calling back to the title of his T1 MV in Double and having it be such an important part of it that they call back to it in the Trial 2 Album. Something originally pointed out by oboetmasuka here and candckirby who also mentions Mikoto's role as the "Final girl" and his consistent pregnancy metaphor with how John is called a newborn.

I think the way Kotoko connects to Masculinity is subtler but just as important, her interrogation question shows she's not attached to it, but she doesn't seem against it or anything.

(Kotoko Interrogations)

T1Q10: What do you think about the word 'feminimity'? A: It's one of the means you can take. It's something you can freely choose depending on the scene, so it's not something to cling onto.

Kotoko doesn't wear anything traditionally feminine but she doesn't lean super masculine either...except.

Okay so, 1moremilgram-enjoyer made this really interesting post about Kotoko's cap you can read here. Basically her cap has the name Jacques Roulet on it's front. Jacques Roulet is the name of a Male Serial Killer who killed two children and claimed to be a werewolf.

This cap appears in her outfit in Harrow:

But also appears in her T2 Design:

Establishing some sort of connection between him and Kotoko.

If we're reading into this Further. John and Kotoko are actually very similar in their want to become someone's "savior" as that's what gives them a sense of purpose.

John's an interesting character in this dynamic. Because if Mikoto is the helpless princess, John is the faithful prince. Coming to save his pitiful damsel whose too weak to protect himself.

(Mikoto T2 VD)

John: It’s true that I was the one who wanted to destroy everything… and the weakness of Boku, who couldn’t stand up for himself all alone, might have been the origin of that. But… that’s all there is to it. Is that a sin?

Mikoto has little to no agency and he Knows This. He doesn't know what's happening, is confused and terrified all the time, and feels like he's on a train with an unknown destination. He feels powerless and like he has no control. While John tries his best to help him, but ultimately harms him, cause John will do what He thinks Mikoto needs without knowing what Mikoto wants. Something he seems regretful for.

Hey, I just wanted to save you So why did it come to this?

However, Kotoko does have some sense of Power and Agency and actively Holds this over others.

From the begin I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!

There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to present more masculine or feminine. However, there is a problem with enforcing strict and rigid roles onto people, especially if those roles enforce systems of power that allow for the exploitation of groups of people by elevating one group and putting down the other.

Even if the gender roles the two fit in are flipped, it is still playing into unhealthy ideals of gender and society that perpetuate abusive systems of power.

(Utena Scripts)

Voice:  Was the ring from the prince meant as an engagement ring? Voice:  That part was good, Voice:  but because of the strength of her admiration for the prince, Voice:  the princess made up her mind to become a prince herself! Voice:  But is that really good for her?

(I got it in!)

I think I might have to wait for Deep Cover's MV to release to fully discuss this, but this is really curious to me.

[the-gay-disney-games]

Round 1B: The Lion King 1 1/2 (2004) vs. Mulan (1998)

Propaganda:

The Lion King 1 1/2:

“This movie is about Timon and Pumbaa raising a child together”

“Just 2 dudes raising their son and dealing with commitment issues. The movie heavily leans into the bit that Timon and Pumba are like a couple. Timon is voiced by gay icon Nathan Lane. This movie was my childhood.”

Other propaganda for the original movie with the same idea:

“Simba was literally raised by a gay couple (Timon and Pumba…Timon even literally wears drag in the movie)”

“Timon and Puumba are a queer couple that raised simba into adulthood. Scar is a mean gay. Nuff said”

“Timone and Pumbaa are Simba's gay adoptive dads.”

Mulan:

“Trans awakening for so many of us”

“Well Mulan gives off very non-binary vibes”

“Literally listen to the music also Li Shang”

“just what your intro post said - Milan being trans (or gnc) coded and Li Shang being bi coded. like come on do i even need to explain? I’ll just add that I was listening to “Reflection” on repeat cuz the lines “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?…When will my reflection show who I am inside?” we’re stuck in my head. So with that song on loop I decided to finally chop my hair short in true Milan fashion (ok that’s a lie, I didn’t do it myself, but the PRINCIPLE) so not only is Milan trans/gnc coded but I can’t be the only one the movie inspired to finally go for The Haircut or something else related. sry that’s very rambly”

“gnc. bisexual. what more could u want.”

“Both trans and gay coded. Shang was so into Ping that he couldn’t stand to execute him for his “crime”. Also includes drag saving the day!”

“This is less a competition for the queerest movie and more a competition for the second queerest movie. Just *look* at every aspect of Mulan and tell me it’s even a contest.”

“Not only is mulan super trans coded but Shang is definitly bi”

“I know it's the obvious pick, but Mulan is so gender and Shang is so bi. 💯💯💯”

“Mulan is very trans coded. Li Shang is totally bi. Dude absolutely had a thing for “Ping” before learning he was actually a woman (Mulan). Also watching that movie as a young egg made me feel less alone about the fact that I didn’t fit into the “girl” role everyone around me pushed me into. Mulan was kind of my hero and sometimes listening to Reflection makes me tear up a little bit because it’s such a mood but also such a TRANS mood. It’s probably my favorite Disney movie song. “Why is my reflection someone I don’t know” made me THINK as a kid. Disney may be evil but they did the world a great service with Mulan.”

“It is obvious why”

“If movies could turn you trans this one did it to me”

“I mean I assume this one is going to be there, but what if we all think “oh everyone is going to put mulan so I won’t” and then nobody does?”

“it’s mulan”

“Gender”

“Mulan is so trans, however you want to read her (as a trans man, genderqueer, genderfluid, etc.) and Shang is hella bi. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk”

“This movie is SOOOOO trans coded. Captain Li is a bisexual icon. As an Asian queer person I have sat and cried to Reflection by Lea Salonga while staring in a mirror too many times to count. Can I be my authentic self without making my parents who I love hate me? It's too good.”

“My little asian tboy awakening”

“Can be read as transmasc- he finds his true purpose/calling in life by presenting as male- or as transfem- she goes against everyone’s expectations for her by revealing her true self as a woman. A very trans movie. Also just a very good movie in general.”

[wlw-cryptid]

You're making a modpack that sounds so cool! Please tell more!

kicking my feet and giggling

honestly the most intensive part is just that I'm trying to make a quest book where you can pick between a couple different progression paths for yourself depending on how you like to play

I split it up into (names not really settled):

tinkerer: for the factory builder, focused on using Create to make resources from nothing. I found a mod that locks waystone crafting behind create auto crafting so they at least need to be able to produce brass. I also found add-ons that let you make upgradable armor and I think creative flight within a certain radius (but I can't remember rn if that was working or if I had to remove it). They also join the push for the nether bc they need blaze burners

I want to make it a little more engaging beyond Create but I haven't really settled on what that should be

warrior: focused on dungeons and bosses killing and looting for resources. Optional Irons Spells, exploring many biomes for archeology artifacts, food made out of mob drops, & I'm going to make a few dungeons personally so I can put the End Remastered eyes as rewards. I also have a mod that complicates entering the nether and I imagine this path leading the push for that too

Wanderer: a more average minecraft experience, farming and building and less dungeon exploration. I can't decide if I'll have this one split into two paths for living in the over world and living in The Dimensions (tropicraft and then the under dark to start), if I'll just assume tropicraft start (bc I have a few friends I know really wanted that mod), or it I should try to make it generic enough it doesn't matter which dimension you start. I'll give them some more guidance towards diversified food production, archeology again, meeting the new mobs, and trying to integrate the mods into gameplay.

I added simply ships and a mod that makes you a mermaid in water, origins, mowzie mobs, and I plan for them to go through quite a few kat-made quests and eye dungeons too. I know a little about using commands and I can leverage that

+ the general progression chapters for getting started (a lot of basic info, storage mod, Tetra, info on quark additions), the nether, a chapter for Alex's Caves (since anyone can stumble into those), the end, and then Deeper and Darker

+ some optional gameplay suggestions that I usually do myself to spice things up like being vegetarian, or only eating foods with fish, or trying to Never Go Mining, or actually using potions (which I added Dave's potioneering for too), or just telling them to really lean into their origin's themeing. I can't actually enforce these so they're just check mark honor system quests but theyre there for fun

We did a mod pack like a year ago (no fancy quests, just vibes) that went well but it did make it so I wanted to avoid mods like twilight forest or bewitched or the ars magica suite . bc we all already played through all that . and nobody gaf about the aether which is sad but oh well

For the most part I don't think it would feel THAT HEAVILY like a super duper modded experience compared to other heftier mod packs unless you take the wanderer path to effectively jump in the many modded puddles. rn it runs clean w 4 rams and I'm proud of that

the most difficult part is that I Want to throw together a quick mod? datapack? just to add some recipes (for inter-mod compatibility, like making tropicraft fish cuttable on the farmers delight cutting board) and maybe maybe ideally make it so a certain iron's spells mob doesn't drop netherite scrap. but. I don't know how to code. I've been watching tutorials and I don't even know what program they're using to do it in or if methods that work in vanilla would work on modded features. worst case I try using that infamous MCCreator thing and hoping for the best. but I'm having a lot of fun

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

CELEBRITY | chapter 6

rúben dias x original female character [+18]

SYNOPSIS: The protagonist has tried everything: acting, modeling, singing. But what got her a front page cover was being seen with a Premier League player. Unfortunately, that’s currently the least of her worries. WARNINGS: mention of kevin de bruyne x oc; slightly possessive ruben; some kisses; social media post; minors dni.

sidenote: (there’s a lot of exposition in this chapter cause i haven’t thought about this story for a while, but i ended up loving how it turned out!)

|[previous chapter]| — |[masterlist]|

CHAPTER VI — THE HARSH REALITY

The protagonist's footsteps echo in the dimly lit hallway as she makes her way to her agent's office. She pushes open the door to find a middle-aged woman with a perpetual frown, staring at her computer screen with disinterest.

"Hey, what the fuck is going on with your life?" Her agent's voice is sharp, cutting through the silence. She doesn’t bother looking in the protagonist’s direction.

The agent's office is too small, tucked away in a nondescript building. The walls are lined with shelves filled with dusty awards and memorabilia from past successes. The room is cramped, filled with stacks of papers and the faint scent of stale coffee. 

A large desk dominates the room, a computer screen casting a soft glow. The agent herself sits behind the desk, a woman with short, dyed brown hair that hints at strands of gray. She wears her usual light pink button-up shirt, a touch of personal style in an otherwise professional setting.

The protagonist sits opposite her, on a chair that seems almost too small for the weight of their conversation. She fidgets nervously, her fingers tracing patterns on the armrests, trying to find the right words to explain the mess her life has become.

"I know, I know." She says, trying to calm her agent. "But things have been complicated lately. There's this person, they're threatening to release this video of me fighting with Kevin..."

"Kevin?" Her agent's eyebrows jump up in surprise. "De Bruyne? The same Kevin who recorded you without your consent? Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

As they talk, the agent's expression shifts from curiosity to concern. She leans forward, resting her elbows on the desk, her gaze locked on the protagonist. 

The protagonist nods, feeling a lump form in her throat. "Yes, that Kevin. I didn't tell you because... I don't know. I guess I thought I could handle it on my own."

Her agent leans back in her chair, sighing heavily. "Look, I get that you're in a tough spot, but you need to start thinking about your career.” She takes her glasses off and rubs her eyes before putting them back on. “And now you’re being spotted with his teammate? What the actual fuck? What am I even doing here?”

Her agent takes a deep breath before shoving the knife in, as she says: "We tried everything. You told me your dreams were to be famous, remember? So we tried out acting but you're mediocre at best at that. We tried modeling but you’re too short, don’t have the profile. Then… You claimed you were a singer at heart and you know what? I could see that becoming something real, something solid.” Another deep breath. “But a Wag? Baby, that’s way out of my specialty."

The protagonist knew her agent was right, but hearing it out loud stung nonetheless.

"I know, I know." She sighs, pulling out her phone. "I just... I don't know what to do anymore."

She opens her messages with Kevin, her fingers trembling slightly as she scrolls through their recent exchanges.

Kevin: Wtf That's so creepy Someone was recording us fighting 🫥 I will find out who was it Don't worry

Protagonist: Yeah is super creepy when somebody records you without your consent right????

Kevin: 🫣 At least you're wearing clothes on this one 🤭 You should have told me about this before This involves me too

Protagonist: You're such an asshole. After what you did to me, I don't owe you shit.

Kevin: Hey 👀 Do you want to come over??

Protagonist: Ewww, no. Fuck you.

Kevin: Whatever Bitch

Her agent reads the messages, her expression turning thoughtful. "Okay, we need to be proactive about this. We need to find out who this anonymous person is and stop them before they can do any more damage."

The protagonist nods, feeling a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, she can turn this around and finally achieve the fame she's always dreamed of.

“Anything else?” The agent asks.

“Nothing I can’t handle.” The protagonist speaks softly, thinking about Lily.

“For fucks sake, just tell me!” There's a sense of urgency in her voice.

"A former friend is now my roommate, but I’ll handle this one, I’m serious." Her voice is tinged with a hint of defiance, a determination to assert control over her tumultuous life.

The mention of Lily, the new roommate, brings a moment of tension to the room. The protagonist's hesitation is palpable, a mix of fear and determination. She knows that having Lily around will only complicate things further, but she's resolved to face the challenge head-on.

"Also… About Rúben. I really like him." The words hang in the air, heavy with unspoken implications. The agent's reaction is immediate, a flicker of annoyance crossing her features.

"At least this one is single." Her tone is sharp, a subtle warning against getting too involved in yet another complicated relationship.

The agent looks like she’s at her last nerve, her patience wearing thin. She leans forward, her eyes locking onto the protagonist's.

“So here’s what I’m going to ask from you: First, you’re going to be honest with me from now on. I can’t keep finding out shit about you through the Daily Mail. Second, I wasn’t going to say anything yet but there’s big talk in the record company about finally getting your album done. So please don’t get yourself in a media circus before that, okay?”

Rúben lounges on the couch, his long limbs stretching out as if to claim more space. His body language is relaxed yet inviting. The long hours of playing had left him tired, but he made sure to make time for the protagonist. She can’t help but notice the way his shirt rides up slightly, revealing a tantalizing sliver of skin. She quickly averts her gaze, focusing on his words instead.

"So... you talked to Kev." His tone is casual, but there is an underlying confidence in his voice. "He told me." Rúben's words hang in the air, a reminder that Kevin's actions were now under Rúben's watchful eye. He wanted her to feel comfortable, to know that Kevin would only speak to her when Rúben allowed it, from now on.

The protagonist notices Rúben's slight wince as he shifts on the couch, a sign of discomfort that doesn't escape her watchful eyes. Concern creeps into her expression, her big doll-like eyes fixed on him.

"Don't look at me like that." Rúben says, his voice a mix of amusement and plea.

"Like what?" She asks innocently, tilting her head slightly.

"Like you want to give me a massage." Rúben replies, his laughter fills the room. But beneath the joke, there is hope. An invitation.

Her heart skips a beat, a flush creeping up her cheeks. She hesitates for a moment, unsure if she should take the bait. But the allure of his request was too strong to resist.

She moves closer to him, her hands finding their way to his shoulders, where she begins to knead gently, her touch firm yet tender. As soon as she lays her hands on his body, an electric charge seems to buzz between them.

Rúben's reaction is immediate; she can see the goosebumps rise on his skin, mirroring her own. The realization that he felt it too takes her breath away.

Their playful banter had shifted into something more intimate; their eyes meet, and in the moment, words become superfluous. Their undeniable attraction draws them closer, like two magnets irresistibly pulled together.

Without a word, he turns to face her, his eyes dark with longing. She leans in and their lips meet in a fierce, passionate kiss. 

Time stands still as they lose themselves in each other, the world outside fading into insignificance.

They allow themselves to be consumed by their raw, primal desire.

Their lips part only briefly before meeting again in a hungry, fervent kiss. Their bodies move closer, seeking more of each other's touch.

She runs her fingers through his hair, feeling the softness of it, the tension melting away with each caress. His hands roam over her back, pulling her closer, their bodies fitting together as if they were made for each other.

Their kisses grew more urgent, more desperate, fueled by a passion that had been simmering between them for far too long. Their hearts pounding in sync with the rhythm of their desire.

Eventually, they pull apart, both breathless and flushed, their eyes locked in a shared moment of understanding.

her

liked by sarahck and 5.103 others

pov: you're witnessing the creation of a new woman (changed my lipstick shade)

sarahck so brave! ⤷her thank youu luisafernandes you're my inspiration ⤷her luv u gossipinsider what? lol ⤷mseeker she try too hard she's just not cute

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[tsukkinami]

Okay, so I'm breaking tumblr protocol here, and I apologize in advance for that. Anyways, I just slid onto you several month old response to an ask about Astarion, you blocked me. I'm messaging from an alt because I was on my way to leave another comment apologizing for sliding onto a six month old post to poke at things. I was genuinely curious as to what you were talking about in your latest post in the main tag. (Because he is a shit head, you aren't wrong.) And did actually want to know if I missed something. It wasn't me being facetious when I asked if it was referring to another post, it probably came off that way. But also it was pointless and out of line to engage at all. And probably quite repetitive for you. So sorry, feel free to block this account too, or not answer, or whatever. It was just going to nag me for like, the whole week if I didn't say something, since I was already planning too.

pretty sure did not block you since the OG ask from what i can see was anonymous, as is this one.

to clarify, in my original post i said he was a bad romance option. this is because there's a decent number of approval tasks you can/need to do to secure him that are questionable morally. things such as:

poking Nettie's bird to death

killing kahga

tricking and betraying the tieflings that capture laezel

opening the gate for the raiders

using the tadpole against brynna

killing or letting him kill the gurr

dealing with the hag

aiding minthara

betraying the tiefling camp

among other things in act 1. granted this is not an exhaustive list and you Might be able to get his approval without doing any of these things, but the fact that you can and it's super helpful is what bothers me and makes me dislike him

the truth of this situation is that i do not care what people think of astarion, i just think he sucks (pun intended) to romance and its funny to me that when i say that i invariably have people come to tell me that my opinion is wrong.

in my multiple playthroughs, when i play the way i want to, he always rejects my tav. it is only when i lean into the discomforting and, to me, offputting actions (not my thing for games i play for fun) that i get on the right track with him. highly emphasizing here that this is My experience.

beyond Act 1, there is an entirely other conversation to be had around him as a romantic partner. he is power hungry and his relationships feature that power inbalance (i don't have time or energy to get into how i actually think that for some people this could be a positive thing because it's a safe way to explore relationships like that without consequence) and pressure around letting him feed and grow more powerful from the tadpole.

the part about astarion's whole thing to me—his character, the response he received from the fandom, his widespread popularity with women mostly—is that i have rarely seen anyone actually dissecting this aspect of forging the romance with him. they see a smooth talking, sexy vampire and that's all they need. but it seems that when you deign to look closer, at the actual steps you can take to get to a point where he approves of you are not exclusively made up of "being a goody two shoes" as someone else put it. it warrants a deeper look that i just do not see anyone who claims to like him taking the time to do

would like to once again Heavily emphasize that this is an opinion and i genuinely Don't care what other people think of Astarion Baldrusgate

[bedlamsbard]

Darn. I was going to say Star Wars.

Ok, how about Loki? First or second season or both. :)

Haven't seen any of the second season yet -- combo of "this better not awaken anything in me" (since I don't want to get distracted back to Morning until Home is done), not being super thrilled with how S1 ended up going, and just not having time/energy/brainspace.

Loki speedran the SW Rebels experience to me -- loved the first episode (rewired my brain, got me out of Star Wars), increasingly fell out of love with the next few eps, hit an episode that was an absolute No for me (Journey Into Mystery), was pretty neutral on the finale. Part of it's that Sylvie doesn't do much for me -- I have nothing against her and I don't hate her or anything, but as a character she just doesn't do anything for me. Part of it is that Mobius doesn't do anything for me, either -- god, as far as speedrunning the Rebels experience, watching Mobius get the Kallus experience in like. three episodes. instead of the two seasons that Kallus got was An Experience. (and I didn't like it when Rebels did it with Kallus, either! I don't have anything against redemption arcs; I do have something against redemption arcs that are speedrun and which never engage with the original ~crimes.) Journey Into Mystery also does the thing which is really the MCU's curse whenever it does it -- it leans too heavily into comics knowledge without ever acknowledging that the MCU and the comics are really, really different, and you can't shorthand the one to the other. JiM isn't the only offender, but it's one of the more egregious ones. (The other big one is, unfortunately, Ms. Marvel 1.01, an episode that drives me up the wall.)

[laurasauras]

18, 23, 29 for the ask game!

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

nah. i'd love to, don't get me wrong! there are some beautiful worksheets out there and i like the idea of having all the information to hand for sure, but i just can't make myself do it. it's too homeworky. i can't even use scrivener's character templates, i put the name in and then everything is random dot points in no order. i use all my organisation at work, i don't have any left over for home 😂

i guess i do outline longer fics/original stories, but it's not with a guided tool, it's dot points all the way down. i often don't outline until i'm midway through writing the story too and "outline" can be pretty generous. this is from my "aaa priorities" document (which functions as my calendar and quick reference guide)

the fics are in order of what my priorities were last time i thought about it and i haven't updated the Prince of Grief one that i finished over the weekend, so you can see what i had there as my outline for the ending that's been sitting there for a casual 4 years. evanescent idolatry's outline goes on for pages and pages though. which is part of the reason i haven't written it--because i've already fucking written it 😂

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

the one that's on my mind rn is Prince of Grief because as i say i finished it over the weekend and i'm not gonna lie, rereading it was REALLY painful. i didn't let myself edit it because i wanted to FINISH it, but i did have to go in and correct john's quirk, which i'd used incorrectly. what, did 2018 laura not have the time to check the wiki? she didn't even think she needed to, hubristic bitch that she is! and oh my god, i overused CAPS LOCK. that's not even addressing the way i leaned heavily on dialogue because i hadn't learned how to balance it with prose yet, as well as like a million other things that hurt me as i was rereading.

apart from that, maybe Elevatorstuck! it's not a particularly long fic, but i was unspeakably proud of it when i wrote it and the concept remains solid. i like the timestamp format and there are times when the writing is pretty good too, but god. i didn't know how to write john back then. a couple of years ago i went through and got rid of like 80 million exclamation points and i think that improved it, but it'd be cool to do a rewrite with all my 2024 mad skillz.

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

to be honest, i think the "inspired by" function of ao3 is really underrated and there's nothing really holding me back from writing sequels/prequels of other people's fics. i mean, i'd ask as a courtesy, but i know if anyone wanted to write something based on my fics i'd just be super flattered and want to read it!

i suppose Social Norms aren't the only things that get in a way of a "could", so my answer is actually BONES OF BLACK MARROW by oxfordRoulette. it's hands down the coolest fic ever and i think about it constantly. the reason i can't do this is because the story is perfect in its shape and there isn't a need for a sequel, but also because the creativity and coding know-how required to do what they did with the formatting is simply beyond me. i have on multiple occasions shown people this fic as proof that fanfic is Real Art

[sirquestingbeast]

Kingdom Hearts Character's (Homestuck) Classpect Pt.1: I'm Not a Liar.

Howsitgoinguys I'm back with that thing I promised. I never forgot about it, it was just that some characters were so hard to classpect that for the sake of my sanity I had to step back from the project. But I'm back on my manic bullshit so not only did I get it done, but I have classpected every single character originally from Kingdom Hearts. Before I announce the first batch, I just want to be clear about my Classpecting system.

💋 I treat Classpecting as self contained like a horoscope or MBTI type thingy. But not as a personality thing; more like incorporating the story as a whole into the healthiest state of being for the character.

💋Because of above, I don't believe any Classpect is doomed to fail; it depends on the actions and events of the story and clashing with other classpects that lead down that path. Death can very well be part of the journey for a character but it shouldn't be the end; Foretellers yes, Dark Road no.

💋 My point of reference is literally what I remember from Homestuck itself, some notes from the Classpecting for Assholes by Neurotypeline video and the wiki HOWEVER I have also seen Optimistic Dualist's and Ouroborista's videos on the subject so if their influence it's felt... I just can't help it man, I don't have original thoughts.

💋 I believe in aspect duality; Breath-Blood, Time-Space, Hope-Rage, Doom-Life, Void-Light, Heart-Mind

💋 Breath/Blood is forward progression, Time/Space is foundation, Hope/Rage is symbolism and themes, Doom/Life is narrative, Void/Life is lore, Heart-Mind is character development. HOWEVER these categories aren't isolated. Characters can dip into adjacent concepts to help progress the main; the closest two inconsequentially and the ones further out with the possibility of an issue occuring.

💋 Characters are also linked to their mirror; sometimes in symbolism or their inclination to lean into it. Depending on the class and the context it can either be a nifty tool or super detrimental. In general even the most flexible classpect will go down a bad path if they lean more heavily into their mirror than their true Classpect.

💋 This is not a statement on powers or personality. Being the same Classpect as a cannon character doesn't mean shit I'm just dumb like that. The way I see it, your aspect is a collection of keywords, your class is the origin of your power/journey to getting it, and what the results of that are purely up to your imagination.

💋 Similar classpects will probably feel some type of way about them. Certain classes function the same way in a typically replicable way so they might relate on their journey. Certain aspects usually have keywords that correlate to ideological beliefs. They might also hate each other and be polar opposites because they interpret those keywords differently or they don't embrace/understand the journey of their class.

With that out of the way, there are a collection of types where there isn't enough content for me to do anything but vibe type them or...I dunno. I just don't have a lot to say about them. If your fave is on here, I'm sorry bestie. If you press me for your fave individually I will be happy to explain the reasoning but off the top of my head, I have nothing to say about these motherfuckers.

Hermod: Seer of Space

Vor: Mage of Blood

Urd: Thief of Void

Hoder: Heir of Life

Vidar: Witch of Mind

Vala: Sylph of Breath

Heimdall: Page of Blood

Helgi:Knight of Rage

Sigurn: Sylph of Heart

Odin:Mage of Time

Skuld: Maid of Breath

Ira: Prince of Light

Invi: Bard of Void

Aced: Knight of Life

Gula: Thief of Hope

Ava: Witch of Rage

Pence: Heir of Light

Olette: Maid of Blood

Larxene/Elrena: Prospit, Maid of Rage

Demyx: Prospit, Rogue of Void

Luxord: Prospit, Maid of Light

Vexen:/Even Derse, Seer of Light

Xaldin/Dillan: Derse, Prince of Heart

Lexaeus/Aeleus: Prospit, Knight of Life

Zexion/Ienzo: Prospit, Page of Space

DiZ: Mage of light

Caio for nao homies~

[thecatsaesthetics]

I saw someone on twitter discussing Rhaegar, and other problematic elements of the series, and they basically said GRRM had no idea what trash Rhaegar was in the 90s when he first came up with the character but he probably is now aware of how awful literally everyone (except the targ stans) think Rhaegar is so when/if he ever gets to the part of the series where Martin explains the relationship he will have to do some serious damage control to 'fix' R/L.

They also said, which I fully agree with, that because he's taken 30 years to finish this series, social mores and cultural norms have shifted so much that a lot of plot points and characterizations he was probably planning are now deeply, deeply problematic whereas back in the 90s, the fantasy-reader audience the books were originally marketed towards would not have cared. Like you said, the post-me too era has brought forth a lot more awareness about grooming, age gaps, power imbalances, etc. I definitely think one of the reasons its difficult to finish the series is because GRRM is now aware of certain plot points he has been planning no longer being palatable and knowing he would get crucified for if he went forward with them. Like San/san was definitely something that was meant to be more romantic or sexual but the ages of the characters, lack of five year gap, and knowing people would rage at him if he made San/san canon in anyway means that romantic ship is over imo lol. Sa/ndor's love for Sa/nsa will be a lot more platonic and self-sacrificial going forward as opposed to romantic undertones.

For R/L though, I do wonder if GRRM telling HOTD writers to include the ice and fire prophecy in the show means that he will lean way more heavily into 'Well, ackshually, Rhaegar was saving the world it wasn't about wanting to fuck a teen he became infatuated with. Also, Elia was chill with it because Dornish(tm).' Basically, I can see Martin leaning way more heavily toward Rhaegar doing what he did to save humanity versus him not being able to keep it in his pants. But we'll see if/when the series is ever completed, which is a big if.

Sorry this is so long I'm putting it underneath:

I do agree that Martin came up with this series in the 90s and did not expect it to become such a cultural landmark. I am not sure he agrees Rhaegar is "awful" as Martin has said and done things within his book series that make me believe he does not see much wrong with a 16 year old running off with a 23 year old. I do think he always intended to add the magically bits in the story with Rhaegar and Lyanna but that they were suppose to be look at as the human incarnations of Ice and Fire and Jon being the offspring of that magic.

And even if Martin did realize after much discussion how problematic the Lyanna and Rhaegar situation is I don't think he would change it. The unfortunate truth is they are fundamental to the story. Not in a way where we need to see them, but they are similar to Paris and Helen. Without their actions the story doesn't exist, and without Rhaegar and Lyanna running off the story does not happen. Our world is reset.

And the book has expanded so much, including a list of characters Martin never intended for us to see, that it makes us really resent both Lyanna and Rhaegar as readers. All the while the narrative itself does not seem to be aware of how horrible the actions of them (especially Rhaegar) is. Adding the Aegon storyline in the book and if he doesn't turn out to be a fake and does end up dead and Jon ends up somehow having a "happy" ending it feels super insulting to Elia and the rest of the characters who suffered due to Rhaegar and Lyanna's actions.

The inclusion of the Ice and Fire prophecy in HOTD had nothing to do with Martin and more to do with the HOTD writers wanting to include a reason for why Viserys was choosing Rhaenyra. In the books Viserys is just a shitty king and has no reason at all for not naming Aegon after his birth. In the show it's hinted he believes the Ice and Fire prophecy would only be fulfilled under Rhaenyra's line.

As for what Martin will do with Elia, I really am not sure but he has said he will make it "complicated". I tend to think he wouldn't make Elia "okay" with it but he might have a situation where Elia believes her son is the Prince that was Promised and wants him to have his "Visenya". But I'm not sold on that just because I don't think Rhaegar would use Lyanna to get a Visenya, he would likely assume the child from Lyanna was the Prince that was Promised simply because of the "ice" connection.

But on the topic of why Martin hasn't finished the series. I have several thoughts:

 First, he's written himself into a nightmare. If you read A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons, they are interesting but they expand the plot in a way I've never seen done before. For any type of novel. He has multiple POVs with incredibly complex and interesting storylines, most of which aren't connected to the main plot. I don't know how he's going to handle closing all of those storylines within two books. I love Feast and Dance so much but as a writer I cannot image having to close all of those storylines.

Second, GOT took up so much time. In the first years GOT was airing Martin did a lot of media for the show, cons, and even wrote a whole episode up until season 5. That's a lot of work and it doesn't leave a lot of time to write and complete the story. Also once it became clear Martin wouldn't even complete Winds before the show closed I don't think he had the same motivation to write faster. Why not take his time? Plus D&D had clearly branched out from all the book storylines by season 4.

Third, the reaction to the ending of GOT (which were his intended endings) must have hurt. I cannot image a world where you as the writer of this series see people reacting so poorly to your intended ending (even if D&D butchered it) would not feel at least disappointment. People hated Villain Dany and her death (does matter if I love fallen Dany) and I 100% believe he's going there in the next book. He might be worried or concerned about the reaction. Martin has admitted that seeing fans discuss the series and figuring out things have made him want to change course. And that was back when the series was limited to forum discussions online. He had major news outlets discussing how "awful" Dany's ending was. That likely affected him and his writing.

[arundolyn]

yknow. on the opposite end of the character theme vibe appropriateness spectrum from x-matic. dissonance and inJUSTICE are kinda nothing to me. like sure they have lore implications and character interaction reasons to exist but like instrumentally and tbh tonally it doesnt really fit the Guys gender neutral its for? dissonance didnt quite make sense in cpex until bloodedge experience came out and we knew immortal breakers lore but for valk and relius its a little generic. they have specific vibes about them and thats not quite It. and i maintain like... inJUSTICE being for hakumen and izayoi SPECIFICALLY kinda doesnt make sense. super one sided. tsubaki doesnt know anything about hakumen having married her or whatever in his original timeline and being in love with her. and also like why is it Just izayoi and not also tsubaki. plus tsubaki/izayoi heavily idolizes him and has no real reason to want to fight him? iirc even in cpex there was no lore reason for them to fight. at least valk and relius literally since the first time they were onscreen together wanted to tear each other limb from limb (or at least valk did, which is insane thats like literally the only time we see valk get THAT outwardly actually violent. at least in cs it looked like he hated his ass more than terumi which is saying quite the fuck a bit!) ill die on the hill of inJUSTICE fitting tsubaki vs izayoi internal struggle type thing conceptually way better. the only thing that really screams hakumen in the instrumentation is the syncopated interlude bit in the middle that sounds adjacent to SUSANOOH but thats really All there. at least with black and white for ragna and hakumen you can kinda push the angle of it being like a cousin of under heaven destruction where the strings represent hakumen bc deep down . That's Still Jin And Ragna Fighting, even if thats a different jin who has been through way more shit and is way more INTENT on killing ragna for an actual REASON even if that reason is still kinda bullshit from a semi normal point of view. theres SOME logic behind it as opposed to jin doing whatever the fuck he feels like. the strings in inJUSTICE dont feel representative of hakumen cause the only time thats been his motif really is black and white. the guitar isnt his vibe either, its strongly reminiscent of justice sword. like yeah yeah jin or whatever but that doesnt really feel like it tracks here quite as much especially considering tsubaki has no idea about their history and has no reason to truly want to fight him. it feels like they wanted childish killer Again but this time its Jin But Different and Tsubaki But Different. doesnt really fly for me i dont think. the strings are already an established motif for both tsubaki and izayoi, and izayoi leans more heavily on the guitar than tsubaki, which obviously makes sense cause theyre the same person. theres not a division like with noel and mu initially. at least it makes sense for mu to not have the vs themes noel does cause its Not Her

[risaonda]

what is going on in Lost (is that what thw show is called) if thats too crazy to explain thennn who's a character ur rooting for:3 if any

idk if i ever posted when i did but i actually finished lost recently after forcing myself to sit down and do so (bc otherwise for the rest of my life i'd have I Never Finished Lost thoughts looming over me forever). it sure was a show

irt the post my queue reblogged that's daniel, his gf i don't remember the name of, and juliet who i still don't know how i feel about as a character. they coulda done more with her they killed her a really stupid way near the end but it didn't actually matter. i digress. so daniel accidentally killed his gf (a different one, not the one in the picture) or like fried her brain at least by doing time travel science and then years and years into the future weird shit was happening on the island because of his time travel stuff? i was on my phone a lot during this part idk but she died. i don't remember a lot of the specifics from that part bc in the end it was a blip nothing matters in this show. daniel at some point gets shot by a woman he recognizes is his mother in the past and he tells her this and then u find out his mother knew this was going to happen and sent him back in time in order to make sure this happened because it needed to bc fate or some shit. remember how this was a show about a plane crash

what i DO remember most clearly since it's freshest in my mind is they did this weird backstory for the smoke monster (there's a smoke monster on the island) where u find out he was originally just a guy and he had this brother jacob (jacob is a super important character from like some later season onward he's supposed to protect the island but no one has ever actually seen him. who cares). but u find out that their mom like crashed on a ship on the island while she was super pregnant and everyone else with her died and some lady on the island finds her and helps her out and then after she has her kids the lady kills her? and pretends to be the kids' mom instead??? and is like one day one of u is going to have to take over protecting the island, leaning heavily towards it's going to be the one that becomes the smoke monster (idk if he had a name i don't even remember) but one day he saw the ghost of his real mom and learned the truth and went uhhh fuck this i wanna leave the island LMAO. so fake mom goes okay jacob um actually ur gonna be the new protector and we are killing ur fail brother. i don't remember what all happens after that specifically i was super out of it but the smoke monster present day is pretending to be john locke after he died and everyone eventually realizes That Is Not John Locke and he's trying to leave the island and Go Home. at the end of lost he was the only one i was still rooting for genuinely i was so fed up with everything else. also they killed the like top 3 characters that were left (sun, jin, and sayid) back to back to back out of nowhere. the only other one besides the smoke monster i was rooting for was hugo who won the lottery and was like a millionaire and he hated it and everyone thought he was fucking with them when he told them this (which he didn't usually bc he didn't want people to hang out with him just for his money)

lost ended with everyone realizing they died in the plane crash and they all meet up with each other and help the others remember that they were on an island and died in a plane crash (bc they're like living lives in modern day but Wrong it was weirdddd) and then they all get together in a church and go to heaven. i'm not even kidding. also the more i think about this the madder i get bc michael an earlier character wasn't even there and there was no mention of him whatsoever, but he DID show up as a ghost before that so i can't even pass it off with Oh the actor was like fuck no i'm not coming back to lost. juliet WAS there? but she was not on the plane with them at any point. she was already on the island for years prior to the plane crash that's an entirely separate story i'm NOT going into. nothing made sense. very christian. every time i saw benjamin do anything i'd go that's sooo zep saw of him at one point he went "u broke the rules" or something along those lines and i was like THAT'S THE LINE! HE SAID THAT IN Saw.

[dtba]

“WHAT DOES THE BLACK MAN SAY?” JORDAN ALLEN AND HIS DYNAMIC EXPLORATIONS THROUGH ART

December 12, 2020

Jordan Allen is an emerging, self-taught artist that is originally from St. Paul, Minnesota. Based in New York since 2017, Allen’s practice explores existential questions as a means of searching for his own truth and identity. His upbringing as the single male in a a single mother household, and his experiences as a Black man in America a have inspired him to create his own world influences by the feelings that form his worldly experiences.

Photographed by @dannycoleee

What is your reason for creating? 

My purpose for creating is to reach deeply within myself to see what I can pull out. Everyday I learn a little more about who I am and what I’m made of. I’m moved to build worlds. When I look outside my door it feels like I’m watching the collapse of civilization in real time. My response has always been to construct a place that allows me to live totally free of the constraints of society. We’re told who we’re supposed to be, and how we’re supposed to get there, but oftentimes that conflicts with our greater ambition. 

I believe that I was placed here to illustrate for people how realistic it is to believe in themselves. Not to be cliché, but anything is possible and I want to show people how true that is. 

I want little black kids to understand that they can overcome any barrier in life. Encouraging confidence will allow them to achieve their dreams just like my heroes did for me. 

What are some of your motifs? 

Ears are something that I definitely use heavily in my work. The bigger the better. I was the only boy in a household full of women. There were certain things that weren’t connecting with my mother and sisters. I would  go off into my own world in my bedroom and sit at my computer and look for music on blogs, research different artists, and try to figure out how to build a time machine. Although the thoughts in my head couldn’t be fully understood by my family, I did feel supported by them. In that any supplies, materials, or request for an audience I needed to test out my ideas, they did whatever they could to assist me. Then I would go back to my room and continue building. The ears started out as me wanting to be heard by anyone that was willing to listen to me, but as I developed as an artist I realized that I was also telling myself to listen to myself. Oftentimes I find that I second guess my gut feeling, and the ears are a reminder for me to continue going with my gut. It hasn’t let me down so far. 

Jordan Allen

Name a few of the artists that inspire you.

I admire Charles White and his work because he was a master at depicting black people beautifully. There’s so much emotion and strength in his artworks that leave me wanting to add as much feeling as possible into what I’m doing. Jean-Michel Basquiat showed me how to be fearless in other areas of my life. Accepting who I am and unapologetically leaning into who I am as a person, and creator. He taught me that barriers only exist if you let them. 

I’ve been really inspired by René Margritte. I’m interested in world building and how his work challenges people to look closer at the world around them. I definitely pull inspiration from Pablo Picasso. He was dynamic in his exploration of the possibilities of what art can look and feel like. He opened all the doors.

Jordan Allen

What do you aim to represent in your work?

For the longest time I was trying to figure out where my niche was and then one day I woke up and realized that I shouldn’t be trying to represent anyone but myself. If I can inspire people to see that anything is possible, then that’s amazing, but I’m trying to prove to 10 year old Jordan that he was right, even way back then. I do believe that there are tons of people who feel misunderstood, and if there’s anything that I can say it’s that being misunderstood is a super power. Use whatever it is that makes you different to your advantage. It’s a beautiful thing to not be like everyone else. It’s even more beautiful to believe in something when not everyone gets it right away. My work is so imaginary because I believe that if you can think it, you can achieve it. 

The work that I create is centered around the freedom that is inside all of us, especially those of use who are Black. Society attempts to mold us with its expectations. My artwork aims to  directly confront the expectations placed on us through a dialogue on personal development

Jordan Allen

What inspiration did you receive during the quarantine period?

I was inspired by so many things. I’ve mainly been inspired by the idea of breaking down and taking the shattered parts and re-assembling them into something new. The quarantine revealed the causes for assorted breakdowns: mental, physical, and spiritual. I realized my greatest breakthroughs followed each breakdown, which is what my most recent series explores. Pushing through self doubt and quieting the outside noise; I was able to hear how to put myself back together again when it felt like things were falling apart. The goal of the new work is to take what I found and share that with anyone who wants to listen. This time helped to understand that healing first occurs internally, and when that happens we can collectively help each other more effectively. Paying attention to the little things can lead to large discoveries, we just have to be present to receive the information. Each day brings the possibility of new life and it’s up to us to decide to approach the opportunity fearlessly. 

Jordan Allen

What are you planning for the future?

As soon as the world can regain its footing to find its equilibrium I’m planning to do the biggest show to date. I miss human interaction, and witnessing the work’s affect on people in person. I can’t wait to have conversations with everyone and I love the suspense leading up to a show. I’ve also been working on exploring the possibilities of creative direction and making functional sculptures. I really believe in making art that serves a purpose in daily life. I want to bring the world inside of my mind into reality. I’ve been designing a lot of clothing lately as well. I have so much to share when the time is right. I’m trying to push myself to affect every visual field.

Photographed by @dannycoleee

To connect with Jordan Allen you can follow him on Instagram and support his art business!

Credits:

Interview conducted by Shirley Reynozo