#i did not realize how salty i was abt this until i read back over this post lmao

[untamedmetablogiguess]

ok, i said i had some stuff to say about nie mingjue and meng yao’s fake suicide attempt, so here it goes.  it’s time to talk about 

~CRIMINAL JUSTICE AND THE ABDICATION OF RESPONSIBILITY~~~~~

by which i mean how repeatedly characters who are praised as the paragon of lawfulness, the Best of Society, abdicate personal responsibility in favor of an abstract “justice” or legal system.

Scenario #1:

Meng Yao has just Done a Murder.  Nie Mingjue saw him do it.  Nie Mingjue says, you have to go turn yourself in.  Meng Yao says they’ll kill me if I do that.  that’s death, you are taking me to die if you do this.  this is known.  the law or justice or whatever will deem this a capital crime, that’s just a fact.  But Nie Mingjue is unmoved because he is Lawful above all else.

So Meng Yao fake-kills himself, and Nie Mingjue, horrified, rushes over to try and save him. HE KNOWS HE’S TURNING MENG YAO OVER TO DEATH.  but when he sees it happening in front of him (in a way that is not socially sanctioned) he is very upset.  Turning someone in for a crime that they will be executed for is totally different from watching that person gut himself in the forest.  Right?

Scenario #2: 

We have the same thing with Xue Yang.  There’s no way he’s not going to be executed.  XXC knows this.  He has to.  Yeah, he’s naive, but there’s no way he doesn’t realize that there are no non-death options for Xue Yang.  But he is a Good and Lawful and Upright and Morally Just cultivator, so he will of course bring a criminal in alive and turn him over to the justice system for them to do whatever and it’s not at all the same thing as just fucking cutting his throat while you’ve got him tied up.  That would be barbaric and wrong - murdering an unarmed man like that.  Much better to give him to the Law and let them cut his throat, because then it’s not Your Fault.  You didn’t kill him.  Your hands are clean.

Scenario #3:

The show’s version of NMJ and JGY falling out - JGY did his murder to a Nie soldier instead of a Jin one this time.  Legal Justice dictates that NMJ should kill him for this, but he can’t bear to do it.  Even when acting as the hand of the impartial “Law,” he can’t actually look him in the eye and end his life.  So!  Banishment!  That’s awfully merciful of you, NMJ!

Except it’s a war zone out there.  And Meng Yao is a shitty cultivator, and everybody knows it.  And he’s recently been stabbed.  There is no way Nie Mingjue is not aware that it is very, very likely that he’ll be dead in a matter of days.  But he’s not going to kill him.  The Wen soldiers will kill him, or the wound will kill him, or Nature will kill him.  But he hasn’t been executed and of course, that’s the important thing.  It’s not on Nie Mingjue’s head if he dies now, he’s done his One Merciful Act and washed his hands of responsibility and if the end result is “Meng Yao, dead, but a little to the left,” well, that’s not his fault!

Scenario #4: 

Basically nobody expected Lan Wangji to actually survive being whipped 33 times.  When Wei Wuxian sees his scars, he literally has the thought, why would they whip him that many times and not just kill him outright?  LWJ is extraordinary, but let’s not get it twisted - his clan absolutely thought they were killing him.  But they couldn’t bring themselves to sentence him to execution, none of them could stomach actually like, cutting off the head of the Second Jade of Lan.  So instead they just tortured him to a point where any other person would have died.  Totally different from killing him.  Definitely not worse and crueler than an execution.  That would be wrong.

So in conclusion: if you are the Best in your society, and your society is cruel, it will ask cruel things of you, and you will allow those things to happen by giving up responsibility for hard choices to “society” or the “law” or some other abstract Good.  You are part of society, so you can let society do your cruelties for you, and sit back and be content that you, yourself, have not behaved cruelly.  That’s definitely how Justice works, for sure.

[keenonkeene]

kiaz!headcanons

* robby keene x miguel diaz. don’t like it don’t read it!!! long post warning too!!

not 100% accurate but they’re cute and so is their relationship development

how it started

started out hating each other's guts because johnny and well, the good old rivalry

robby was reluctant to visit miguel at the hospital at first but was convinced by the larussos (they're slowly forgiving him and trying to be supportive because this boy has been through a whole damn lot)

miguel hasn't fully healed yet. he's already been discharged but does return from time to time to get his healing process checked out

robby's already out of juvie

miguel is shook when he sees robby's face like ‘wtf is this guy doing here’

he's snarky and refuses help even when he falls and struggles to get up

as much as it pains robby to see miggy like that it's also inspiring somehow? bc he never gives up

so robby decides he'll try to not give up on himself either despite all the bad shit he's done

miguel doesn’t want to be that friendly towards robby but the latter’s apology is so heartfelt he can’t help but feel touched by it

‘why am i getting emotional over my rival’s sappy words???’

‘maybe he isn’t as bad as i thought’ is what goes on in both boys’ minds and they’re,,, confused?

after that they kinda start hanging out more, getting to know each other better

johnny is crying tears of joy because hashbrown brothers

after their fourth meeting they realize they’re thinking more abt each other, even in the back of their minds there are small details they’ve memorized or picked up on

‘okay so my rival isn’t supposed to be this.. endearing’

a few months later you guessed it it’s confessing on the beach time

it’s actually miguel who gets to it first because strike first and strike hard

he can’t believe he’s doing this but it feels right somehow

nothing too fancy, but it’s more than genuine

robby is dumbfounded but so happy. is this real life is this just fantasy? someone actually likes him to the point of asking him out?

hell yeah he’s up for it, even if it’s something entirely new

their relationship

good-humored banter and saltiness

lots of physical contact as they practice together and robby is very touch-starved

miguel secretly loves it though

whenever they’re next to a staircase and/or railings, robby tends to pull miguel close and hold him tight until they’re at a safe distance from them

robby tenses up a lot to the point of trembling and miguel has to reassure him everything is okay now

robby is more of a listener but when he finds a topic he really enjoys (skateboarding for instance), he’ll talk about it almost nonstop

miguel’s got heart eyes as he listens to his bf, he’s so damn fond of this dumbass

as much as he won’t admit it out loud just yet

miguel loves playing around with robby’s hair. he’s learning how to braid it properly

and running his hand through that smooth hair. yes.

lots of daily 'i love you's

compliments!!! robby feels a bit awkward giving them out whereas miguel is a smooth lil shit

where did he even learn that from

[yelenasdog]

bonnie and clyde (billy/4 x fem reader)

genre: angst

summary: there were five people at the funeral of billy jones. why did two, more specifically one, of them leave?

words: 1.3k

warnings: just vv sad my guy. literally no fluff i hate it here </3 mentions of death, billy’s funeral, and crying.

a/n: yo so idk if billy’s last name is jones but i saw someone on here refer to him as billy jones and i think it’s just bc of ben’s last name but anyway LMFAO. i for some reason couldn’t stop thinking abt this and so i wrote it (as one does fkefnkerjn). also y/n was not used so if u wanted to read this as an x another character or x an oc it would work as well. enjoy :)

🌃🌃🌃

There were five people at the funeral of Billy Jones.

This was common knowledge who would listen long enough to hear the vigilante talk about the experience he had only seen from afar, his own heart growing tender during, or at any mention of, the moment.

But Billy always failed to explain the situation with a full grip, to its entire truth. As to why, most anyone could figure out.

He was afraid.

Afraid of getting her hurt, afraid of thinking of her for just a moment too long, afraid of his impulse driving him to get his ass right back up and go say he still loved her.

Four was afraid of a plethora of horrible scenarios that could occur if he let the truth about his funeral slide to anyone except One (which was bad enough that he had to know by default as it was).

And the irony of it all, was how miniscule and ineffective something like who had left his funeral early and as to why, would be to anyone else on the team.

Sure they all had their secrets that would seep into the pool that was their little family, Three’s mother, One’s lover, Two and Three’s infatuation with each other (though, that one wasn’t really a secret).

Not to mention, Four despised painting her in a bad light, allowing others to think for a fraction of a second that she didn’t leave because her already frail heart couldn’t handle to see her beloved’s name etched onto a gray stone in a patchy field of a horrible green, couldn’t handle the idea that their Bonnie and Clyde reminiscent days (minus the killing of 13 people, that is) had come to an end.

There were two people at the funeral of Billy Jones who left early.

The first? An old friend from his hometown.

He was a wealthy businessman now, having abandoned the life of pretty crime and rush of his youth. He showed up to Four’s not-so-celebration of life in an ashen tux with an obsidian tie and shiny oxfords, and barely a minute into the service he had begun checking his shiny Rolex, probably counting down the seconds until he would be considered late to some important meeting for whatever corporate hoax he was a part of to be able to stay afloat. How ironic.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

The sound was like nails on a chalkboard to her, while the action itself felt like somewhat of a betrayal, even though Billy and the businessman hadn’t talked in years. It was a kind enough gesture that he had even come to begin with.

But she didn’t care.

Because before the service had even started, salty droplets were rolling down her reddened cheeks, dampening her hoodie, his hoodie, that she had coiled so tightly around herself and her limbs, almost like a corset.

So when the businessman turned to go after what could maybe have been a measly few minutes, she could barely control her anger.

But she did, for Billy. She sucked it up and stayed put, keeping her eyes trained to his mother who was now speaking, her striking emerald eyes also obviously wet. But in reality, Billy had wanted his former lover to turn around and smack that prick square in the face.

But then 4 took some time and realized that if it were the other way around and she had been dead, he could conjure in his mind how distressed he would be to where he would prefer to focus on wallowing in his sadness for her and her only, not be consumed by anger for some random fellow.

Billy truly wanted to leave One where he stood, wanted to run to where her shaking was escalating from ever so slightly to violently as could be, wrapping her in his strong arms she already missed. The strong arms that she believed should have kept him safe when he was dangling from that damned building with that damned necklace in his mouth.

The image could have been some renaissance painting with how beautiful he looked, even then, on the brink of what the world would know as the death of Billy Jones.

In fact, most of Billy’s and the girl’s adventures could be different renaissance paintings. Alive and free, bursting with vibrant colors and emotions that weren’t able to be captured with words, so rather, they were thrown on a canvas in what was somehow a meticulously put together flurry.

On that rainy day, the weather so fitting to what she had been feeling, she wished for nothing more than to somehow place herself back into those non-existent paintings, to even for a fraction of a second bask in his never ending love like some sort of oasis.

She wanted to run her fingers through his golden curls one last time, kiss his forehead goodnight one last time, to tell him she loved him more than anything in this universe, one last time.

But she didn’t, and she wouldn’t ever get to.

And her one final chance to say what she wanted him to hear, she had missed out on, as that’s when she had left.

It was long after the uptight man in the fitted suit, long after his crying mother had gone from where she was speaking up front, back to the shadows of her baby’s grim event that she should never have had been alive to see.

She had managed to drag herself halfway up to where his casket was sitting just above the ground, trying to not look at the box a second too long.

Rather, she pretended there was a pair of rose colored glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose, helping her pretend that this was all some big misunderstanding, that Billy was just pulling one of his infamous pranks.

He would pop out from behind the tent covering the few who stood with their feet shifting on the damp soil, or perhaps from the headstone of his very own grave. She would gasp or shriek and then smack his arm, lecturing him as he grabbed his chest, doubling over in laughter, the sound like music to her ears.

God, what she would do to hear that sound one more time.

Nevertheless, in the end he would stand up, and wipe her tears from her sweet face, pressing gentle kisses on either of her cheeks to rid her of that pout he hated to admit he loved. She would crack a small smile and he would punch a celebratory fist in the air at the gesture, leaving her to only shake her head at his antics. He would sling an arm around her shoulders, nustling close to her as they would exit the graveyard, never coming back until the inevitable day they both had lived their happiest and fullest lives together.

He would say “You know you love me.” And without a doubt, every time, she would say “Yeah, I do.”

But not this time.

This time, she would let her eyes wander to a tall tree just over the hill, slimming her puffy eyes. She rubbed them and did a double take, and swore that for a moment she had seen what looked like his figure next to one of someone she had never seen before.

And that’s when she left.

She let out an ugly sob, running as fast as her feet could take her to wherever that wasn’t there, the sound of her shoes against the cold ground muted, but the sound of her uneven breathing was anything but.

As for all she knew, it was her mind playing a cruel, cruel, trick on her. Or even her mind trying to give her some sort of closure to move on.

Whatever it was, though, was simply too much for her to process, too much to handle. So she had left, given up on what she didn’t know was her only chance to give a proper goodbye.

“You think she saw you?”

“I hope so.”

🌃🌃🌃

we vibing w this?? i hope so hehe. WAIT PUN NOT INTENDED LMFAO I DID THAT PERIODT! anyway, have a wonderful day/night, and go drink water and eat protein, it’s all abt intention!! i love u! also if u have any questions abt this fic pls do lmk bc ik some of it was kinda weird! 

p.s., pls pls pls reblog this! this is my first ben related fic and ik when it’s ur first fic for a fandom they can flop so it would be very cool if y’all could help me out a lil bit :) either way ily, thank u! kk bye

xx hj

[emiyummy]

third gym babies reacting to their sister being lesbian/bi!

pairings : elder brother!bokuto x reader , elder brother!kuroo x reader, younger brother!tsukishima x reader tw : nth except for reader isn’t straight hehe a/n : hello guys welp a lot of you might know me as a reader and this idea popped up on my mind yesterday which i shared on @dearkags and @bluberryparfait‘s discord but my brain went whoooooAT if i wrote it myself jhhshsjdh. this is my first work and i’m stil trying to figure out how tumblr works. pls dont hate i’ll cry. avoid if it makes you uncomfortable ig.

bokuto koutaro

so you’re bokuto tiny sister and you two share one braincell but you try your best not to show it bc “i’m the better sIBLING.”

at first you thought the attraction you had towards your bestie was normal but then realized “waIT whaT yall dont wanna kiss ur bff all the time??”

bokuto is dumb so he prolly didn’t notice anyth and only focused on protect (read restrict) you from the BOYs

you’re usually loud and outgoing like bokuto but when it comes to your bestie that you like more than just frEnds you get absolutely red and nervous

so you decide to go with the song challenge on tiktok where you tell the person to focus on the lyrics and whoosh

do you did it yay

and just as the music goes “i don’t wanna be your friend i wanna kiss your lips” (stan girl in red uwu) you lean in and just kiss her

she kisses back!!

and bokuto is also back!!!

he never knocks. by never i mean NEVER you gotta lock your door or oops

and your dumbass didnt

so just as the kiss was getting a lil steamy from soft

“HEY DUMBASS I NEED MY HEADPH-ooh...”

you both instantly pull away and the room is filled with silence except for the music still going 

he just stares dumbfounded like O-O

and then it hits him and he goes

“y/n you’re gay?!”

you facepalm so hard pls leave koutaro

“the term is lesbian-”

‘ I NEED TO TELL AKAASHI”

he needs to tell akaashi everything

10/10 supportive tbh but doesnt change the fact that no premarital hand h*lding  >:(

will probably hide it from your parents until you’re ready to tell then

best elder brother ever ok

kuroo tetsurou

at first he thought you just prefer being around guys more after seeing you get all wobbly and nervous when any girl gets close to you

he’s a very supportive elder brother ok so you probably try talking to him abt why you couldn’t kiss your current bf

you were just uncomfortable??

he told you he prolly wasn’t the right guy until he saw you smiling at one of his classmates as you waited for him after your classes

your eyes were just shining and it your nervousness was evident but she somehow made you noT run away ig

he was watching for a while, how you were tightly clutching onto the strap of your bag and how red your cheeks turned as she gave you a headpat before walking away

and your eyes lingered

but he decided not to say anyth that day cause he wanted you to realize and talk abt it when you’re comfortable

from that day on you waited for him (her) a lot

even ditching your classmate and shared bff at lunch one day as you sat on the bench outside beside her

kenma knew

this goes on for a while until you decide to tell him when kenma came over one day

he noticed. so he just smiles and pats your head 

“you finally admitted huh?”

your eyes widened how did he know jshjsd

“it was lowkey obvious. the guys weren’t wrong, the gender was.”

teases teases teases teases

you : literally just existing  him peeking into ur room just 2 annoy u : oya thinking abt your senpai?

they both help you prepare and confess

“you need to get it off of your chest, no matter what the outcome is.”

she accepts!!

and if your parents aren’t supportive, he will speak up and fight!!

tsukishima kei

so you’re a third year and go to a different school where you’ve been dating this girl for a while

he often saw you at the cafe near karasuno often

veeeryyyy often

with the same girl

he doesn’t pay much attention to that tbh 

but on a sunny weekend morning, he was passing by the cafe and looks at you through the window when yams says your name

you seemed stressed, kinda scared

they were planning to go to tadashi’s house and study or sumn

he comes back home to akiteru and your mom sulking in the living room

“your sister is being salty again. says she had a fight with her girlfriend and is crying upstairs.”

due to the smaller age gap comparing to akiteru, you two were kinda closer and he somehow knew that wasn’t fitting

you didn’t cry that easily.

he lets you be until he need one of your his dino manga or sth you borrowed

so he knocks on your door and you open with red puffy eyes, sniffing

he enters and decides to stay silent until you burst into tears again

he kinda stares awkwardly not knowing what to do and waits for you to calm down and start talking

as salty as you might be at times, you were extremely soft at times like your elder brother

so you tell him in the midst of sobbing

“she broke up with me. it wasn’t working out. i kinda saw it coming but it still hurt.”

only after venting you realize you never told him you were into girls, or even dating one and your eyes widened upon realization

“kei i-” “i didn’t like her anyway. she seemed too uptight and self-obsessed (hah)” “how do yo-” “i saw you at the cafe. you can get better chicks than her”

you smile and gently hit his head, telling him not to badmouth her

he doesn’t make a big deal out of it and treats it just as he would if you broke up with your boyfriend

and you’re glad that he is

won’t show it but he doesn’t want anyone to hurt his sister ok, he won’t tell you but he will fiTE

actually cares abt you

[babybutchgosalynmallard]

hdl separated at birth au hdl separated at birth au hdl separated at bir-

i can always count on you to ask abt the separated at birth au. ok this is long af so im gonna post most of it under a read more

basically: when della steals the rocket and disappears, the eggs disappear too. donald and scrooge still get into their huge fight and stop speaking to each other, but without the boys to ground him, donalds a wreck, assuming his sister and nephews are all dead. well, not quite

about 6 years after della disappears, donald gets mugged by some beagle boys who realize that hes scrooge mcducks nephew and decide to try and ransom him. they take him back to the junkyard where he meets a little duck kid. turns out the beagles found him as an egg and took him in (why? idk! because i need them to!) and hes lived with them ever since. donald can see that the kids in bad shape--all the beagles are older and bigger and even the ones that are nicer to him are still. pretty mean. the kid doesnt even have a name, they all just call him “duck��. donald feels bad for him and says if he helps him escape he’ll take him in, and the kid hesitates but agrees. the two escape, and if scrooge ever shows up to rescue donald, hes long gone by the time he arrives.

the boy needs a name, and he likes donalds suggestion, huey. to avoid any retaliation from the beagle boys, they decide to take the houseboat out of duckburg for a while, sailing it along the coast from town to town for about a year. huey is kinda nervous and tends to lash out, but he opens up to donald over time and once he does sorta latches on. when hes around seven, they settle in cape suzette for a while. donald formally adopts him, and theyre doing pretty well for themselves, even if huey is still anxious a bit and doesnt get along well with others. hes pretty grown-up for his age, as a result of being mistreated for so long and now being an only child with a pretty open adult (donald answers a lot of hueys question. he never goes into detail about what happened with scrooge and della but he does allude to it).

when huey is nearly 8, he and donald get into a scuffle with sky pirates (entirely by accident, but you know how it is). don karnage and his crew had just returned to cape suzette, and donald and huey are kinda dragged into an adventure dealing with them. as part of that, they meet the youngest member of the skypirate crew, dancin’ dewey, whos lived with the pirates as long as he can remember, and of course he and huey notice that they look exactly the same. dewey helps them avoid don karnage and crew as they plan to get to the houseboat and get out of cape suzette. along the way, they run into a few members of the crew, who encourage dewey to go with them--don karnage really doesnt like dewey, and definitely wont like him any more when he finds out dewey helped donald and huey escape. dewey loves a lot of members of the crew, who were like family to him, but he knows its best to leave, plus now hes got a mystery to solve, ie what the deal is with he and huey. so the three leave on the houseboat, and celebrate huey and deweys 8th birthday back in duckburg.

donald adopts dewey, too, and the three of them get along pretty well. dewey schemes more than huey ever did, and huey gets dragged in because theyre all “pretty dumb” and he wants to make them work. donald enrolls them both in the junior woodchucks to help them make friends, and while dewey quits bc its boring (donald doesnt mind, bc hes very social and makes a lotta friends at school anyway) huey loves it and comes out of his shell even more. he still prefers hanging out with adults (and dewey) to kids his age, but hes getting better at socializing.

2 years after meeting dewey, theyre 10, and the pilot happens. donald leaves them home alone during his job interview (theyre more self-sufficient in this au, and donalds better at listening to them when they say they can handle something), but when he gets hired he gets them a babysitter, since he’ll be gone for a few days. turns out, that doesnt matter, because they stowaway on glomgolds ship bc his job sounds cool. donald decides he has to hide them or risk getting fired, and he shoves them into a cabin only to find yet another, identical duck their age. surprise!

basically, this kid spent most of his life in the duckburg foster program, since he was found just on the street, but glomgold took him in as his nephew in hopes of recreating scrooges formula. “flinty jr”, as glomgold calls him, (or louie, which is what he went by until glomgold took him in a year ago) is... pretty salty, and doesnt really care that he looks the same as these two other kids. hes really jaded from growing up on his own and now living with glomgold, whos always dragging him places only to ignore him or yell at him when things go wrong. donald, being donald, tries to sell him on the whole adoption thing, but hes really not interested. in any case, most of the pilot plays out the same--instead of donald trying to protect scrooge and fam, hes trying to hide the kids and keep them out of trouble, but they all come together in the treasure room with scrooge, launchpad, and webby. glomgold reveals his nefarious scheme, they all make it out, great. the houseboats fine, donald and scrooge dont really make up (they actually fight a little bit more), and the boys (louie included, hes been won over) arent super interested in moving in with him, so they just. dont. the new family of four goes back to the houseboat and settles in.

thats the basics, really. donald and scrooge start to fix their relationship bc HDL stay in touch with webby and hang out all the time. this timeline pushes back the adventures/magicas schemes until the boys are 12, at which point they and donald actually have moved in with scrooge. i havent decided yet how they finally find out that theyre related to donald and scrooge, but i want it to happen around shadow war? idk. the other thing to note is that the triplets are all a bit different, personality-wise, as a result of growing up in different environments, and their relationship w donald is pretty different too, but beyond that it all sorta falls into place eventually??

if you want to hear any more, send me an ask! this is probably my most fleshed-out au so i have a lot of thoughts about it!

[jungmoseok]

Joon puts on the freshman 15 in college. Flustered roommate jimin realizes he has feelings for him n feeds him a lot, namjoon gets really insecure abt his new weight but then jimin makes him feel better

Oof, I’m so sorry this came out so long. Like, way, wayyy too long. I meant to write a quickie to fill your request and accidentally wrote a whole damn book. I hope this overly long fic is semi-okay though, anon. Thank you so much for my 1st request. Even if the fic is bad, at least there’s chubby Joon, which is a very lovely, underrated concept (so thank you so much for giving me a chance to write about it. :p I really hope you enjoy the long book-fic, anon.

----

Namjoon cautiously peeked down at the number on the scale. 80kg, 176lbs. Namjoon nearly fell backwards, being only about 70kg when he enrolled at university. Sure, it was only about 20lbs, but the effects were obvious. Namjoon’s cheeks grew squishy, a round mound of fat pressed up against all of his too tight shirts. Even the waistband of the sweatpants he wore, now, were digging into the soft flesh. Namjoon stepped off the scale, a concoction of shame and something he couldn’t identify crashed over him. He explored his newly pudgy body, caressing the small rolls that had formed on his belly, pinching at his big love handles and thighs. He gently traced the red stretch marks running up his underbelly. As he jiggled and groped the extra bit of fat that layered every part of him, he realized the feeling he couldn’t identify was excitement. Namjoon stopped himself from considering why. He focused on what went wrong and how he’d put on the freshman fifteen and then some. Namjoon was a music major and spent most of his time working on his own music and rapping. Which meant, he completely ignored any kind of exercise. Since he was so busy, Namjoon had also given up the strict diet he prided himself on before he was in college. He just didn’t have the time or energy to eat healthily and workout. Namjoon usually ate various kinds of takeout and copious amounts of snacks and processed sweets that were easy to get on campus. Sweets. Namjoon patted his soft, stretch mark ridden belly, again and sighed. His belly wobbled from the touch. Sweets were probably the main cause of this. Or, more like, a certain bubbly dancer who often made Namjoon sweets— was the main cause of this. Park Jimin and Namjoon went to the same high school together, but the two were just close friends. Namjoon’s feelings for Jimin flourished when he found out they chose similar majors and were even roommates. Namjoon was crushing hard on Jimin: the way he grinned with crescent eyes, the way whenever he laughed, he’d press himself against Namjoon or grab his thigh. Jimin, to say the least, was adorable. Namjoon admired how fit and toned Jimin remained, even when he picked up baking at the beginning of freshman year. Namjoon would always ask him how he did it and Jimin would joke how Namjoon was the one who ate everything. At the time, Namjoon thought that was funny. Except, that was 10kg ago, when he was thin. Now, the times where Namjoon was up late at night, working hard on some lyrics, and Jimin would insist he have something sweet (which began as a single muffin, now ranged up to an entire cake), were definitely catching up to him. The shock and horror of gaining so much weight in such a short amount of time had subsided and Namjoon realized he didn’t mind the extra weight that much. He didn’t care about his body being rock solid, anymore, and the extra chub was comfy. However, Namjoon was utterly horrified of Jimin’s reaction to it. What if Namjoon had lost all chances at being with Jimin, now? What if Jimin thought he was an ugly pig and couldn’t be with him? Namjoon didn’t think he could bare that. Jimin must of noticed how chubby Namjoon had gotten, though, right? Namjoon was rarely ever shirtless around the younger man, but Jimin loved to cuddle and cling to him all the time. Jimin must of felt the fat under his clothes, right? All of a sudden, Namjoon felt a pair of small but strong arms slink around his bare belly. Namjoon immediately jumped and turned around. Jimin smiled warmly, amused at how shocked Namjoon was. It had been a long time since Jimin had last seen Namjoon shirtless. And, he was utterly pleased with what he saw. Unknown to Namjoon, Jimin was smitten, as well. Like Namjoon, Jimin was too shy to tell Namjoon about his feelings. As silly as it was, feeding Namjoon past the brim made him feel a little less anxious. Jimin didn’t feel awkward or bad about it, since the few times he actually got to hand-feed Namjoon, the older man was moaning in bliss. Namjoon always ate all of the food Jimin presented to him, no matter what it was or how much. Jimin soon found out Namjoon was a mindless eater, so getting him massively stuffed was no problem. Jimin also found out his previous coping method had backfired and that he grew even more flustered seeing Namjoon heavily bloated, still desperately shoving more food in his mouth. Seeing Namjoon steadily gain weight, little by little, drove Jimin even more wild. Jimin wanted so badly to rub, stroke, and kiss Namjoon’s round, stuffed belly. He’d finally had it and decided to gather the courage to confess his crush for Namjoon and his chubby body. Jimin examined Namjoon’s softened body as Namjoon looked everywhere besides at Jimin. Namjoon’s pecs had grew soft and flabby, his belly soft and jiggly, pooching over the waistband of his pants. Jimin craned his neck a bit to see how Namjoon’s ass and thighs had thickened, as well. Jimin flushed, suddenly overwhelmed by Namjoon’s beauty. Jimin was determined, though. Namjoon opened his mouth to speak as he finally met Jimin’s eyes, but Jimin had already grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to the dining table. The table was loaded with bags of fast-food, takeout, and baked goods. Namjoon was going to say something about him needing to put on a t-shirt, but instead, gawked at how much food there was. Sure, Jimin had been bringing a lot of food to the dorm, lately, and made sure Namjoon ate more than enough, but this was obscene. Jimin told Namjoon to sit down and Namjoon obeyed, awkwardly sitting down in a chair while still trying to cover his flabby chest with his arms. Jimin sat down in the chair across from him, suddenly feeling self-conscious that he had no plan on how he was going to tell him everything he wanted to. Jimin wanted to stuff Namjoon and confess his love to him after Namjoon was stuffed and sleepy. Jimin wanted to whisper his crush into Namjoon’s ear, along with sweet nothings, as he rubbed Namjoon’s massive, stuffed belly. Maybe, it was better to confess his love first and then feed Namjoon? This seemed like a much better “plan” when Jimin had fantasized about it last night in bed. Now, he just felt awkward. Jimin sighed heavily, deciding he was just going to blurt it out. He locked eyes with Namjoon and tried to put on a reassuring smile. He motioned to Namjoon’s arms covering his body and held out his hands over the table (which was a bit difficult due to the feast piled on top of it). Namjoon’s eyes glinted in terror for a moment before he smiled shyly. Namjoon reached his flabby arms over to grab Jimin’s hands. Jimin glanced down for a moment, noticing how Namjoon’s fat belly pushed into the edge of the table. Jimin’s mouth immediately went dry and he felt his member twitch. Jimin cleared his throat and tried to choose his words carefully. “You’re a really amazing person, Joonie,” Jimin began, embarrassed at how his voice was wavering. “and we’ve been friends for a while, now. I’ve been thinking about some things— some really important things— and I need to tell you, now”. Namjoon remained silent with a confused face, and Jimin couldn’t read his expression any further. Jimin inhaled and braced himself for rejection. “I’ve liked you for a long time, Joon; a lot. You’re so great and I just really like you, okay? But, with your body and everything, I—“ Jimin was cut off by a strange gasping sound. Namjoon had ripped his hands away from Jimin’s grasp and was hiding his face in his palms, curled up with his knees squishing into his chubby belly. Jimin felt his heart stop. He made Namjoon cry. This wasn’t what he wanted at all. Jimin stood up and rushed to cuddle Namjoon in his arms. Namjoon blubbered protests in between cries, but made no actual effort to push Jimin away. Jimin stood, his knees half-bent, endlessly apologizing and gently stroking Namjoon’s hair as he held him. After a little while, Namjoon seemed to of gotten ahold of himself and looked up at Jimin. His chubby cheeks were a deep red and his dark eyes were glassy. Jimin felt guilt wrack his heart. Jimin apologized, again, and Namjoon shook his head. He sniffled then said “No, I’m sorry,” a few more tears streamed down Namjoon’s cheeks and Jimin wiped them with his thumb, utterly confused. What was he apologizing for? It was Jimin who— “for getting so fat.” Namjoon finished, flushing even deeper, if that was possible. Jimin suddenly stopped stroking Namjoon’s hair and arm. Where did that come from? Jimin was crazy about, maybe a little too crazy, about Namjoon’s chubby body. Didn’t he know that? Before Jimin could ask, Namjoon began to speak, again, on the verge of tears. “I really like you, too, Jimin. A lot,” Namjoon let out a weird, airy laugh. Jimin felt a sudden warmth flood over him, amazed Namjoon loved him back. Jimin was just clueless as to why Namjoon was so distressed, worry currently outweighing his pure glee. “but I’m too fat and gross, now.” Namjoon breathed. Without thinking, Jimin slammed held Namjoon’s cheek and slammed his lips into Namjoon’s. They tasted salty and tender from the tears, but it was passionate and deep. When Jimin pulled his face away, Namjoon seemed much less upset, mostly stunned. He could barely speak, but settled for stuttering: “But you said you liked me until I got fat.” Jimin pouted. “Joonie, I never said that. I—“ Namjoon interjected, his voice coming back, “You said with my body, now—“ Jimin huffed once more, realizing how Namjoon took his words for something much different. “I had to tell you I love you tonight, because your body has been driving me insane”. Jimin said, surprised at his own confidence. Namjoon looked unconvinced, even a bit hurt. “I want to be worthy enough to be your boyfriend, though. I want to look good and be good for you. I can’t do that when I’m all flabby.” Namjoon grabbed a roll of fat in his hand and shook it, causing his thighs and chest to jiggle in unison. Jimin felt like he was going to pass out, suddenly feeling light-headed and extremely hard. “Joon, I love your body like this. You’re beautiful.” Jimin pressed a light kiss onto Namjoon’s cheek, causing Namjoon to grin. With his new chubby cheeks, his dimples were even more obvious and it made Jimin’s heart melt. Namjoon exhaled and seemed to relax. Jimin relaxed, as well, finally getting to see Namjoon’s smile, again. Namjoon asked Jimin if he was sure and Jimin nodded fervently. Namjoon squirmed in the much too small chair for a moment, trying to figure out how to express his thoughts. “If you like it, I don’t mind.” Namjoon said softly. Jimin beamed and kissed Namjoon’s lips deeply once more. Jimin looked at all of the containers of food stacked on the table, then back at Namjoon. Namjoon gulped at how Jimin’s eyes were suddenly dark. Jimin picked up a cupcake from one of the many platters and unwrapped the lining. He silently positioned himself onto Namjoon’s lap (more of a belly, now) and put it up to Namjoon’s face. Namjoon’s eyes were nervous before he took a small bite, pink frosting on his lips and cheek. Jimin licked a bit from the corner of Namjoon’s lip then held it up to his lips, again, practically shoving it in his mouth. Namjoon chewed slowly, little moans of pleasure escaping him. Jimin laid a hand down onto Namjoon’s belly. It felt amazing to finally stroke and massage the velvety excess of flesh. He jiggled the fat in his hand, amazed at just how soft Namjoon had grown. Jimin kissed Namjoon’s neck as he groped one of his breasts and whispered in his ear: “We have a long way to go, Joonie; I’ve been waiting for this for so long,” Jimin paused, “I'm going to feed you till you burst”. Namjoon moaned deeply in response, mouth too full to speak. Jimin concluded his plan worked out fine in the end. He also concluded him and Namjoon would have many more nights, and stuffings, like this, in the future.

[shytiff]

Feb 2021 Wins

1 - osce study with clara almira, tryout 9 fkui, tryout review with clar, study sesh with clara that finished at about 10 pm. watched some youtube vids together til 11:15 pm. no longer sleepy, so i made my cv and finished it at about 3 in the morning lmao, bcs i saw this interning opportunity and i was like “damn i should make my cv”

2 - woke up at 7 am, didnt shower lmao, off to kiara for vaccination. Waited for a bit and i finally got it. ate mamdaging pesto rice with beef at kamkan w/ ren ness ara akisyah. talked at studied osce a bit. waited for mom to pick me up. until when do i need someone else to pick me up. i feel helpless and i hate that i cant just ride my motorbike because its too tiring. went back and dad got mad at me bcs i didnt greet him when leaving and entering the house. I truly didnt see him when i entered even though i heard sumn lmao. He said sumn along the lines of "you can always leave if u dont like me" (which is lowkey appealing). I cried bcs i felt sad and annoyed with our terrible emotional parent-daughter relationship. Hold the tears for a bit to study with clara. Darkened the room and slept still in my going-out clothes. I did not shower today lmao,,,,

3 - woke up at 10 am. Tryout and review w clara. Psych coaching. Psych practice with irun. Called lau and dajen bcs hes leving to medan. Randomly checked my email and my intern submission, which i emailed yesterday, that turns out the doctor replied at 8pm yesterday asking for interview today 11 am. And i saw it @ 6 pm. Aka super late. The stupidest thing ive ever done in FKUI. No cap. :( i panicked and it gave me a reason to talk with dad (asking how to reply) so i guess its a form of effort to banish the awkwardness between us. Studied w clara. I hope the doctor can forgive me. Its one loose end after the other lately.

4 - went to starbucks with atikah. got treated matcha latte yayy. cicil osce. called clara to learn imunisasi. went to kaleyo w atikah clara, ate bebek muda cabe ijo yumm. talked abt a lot of things in a span of 1-2 hours. we’re all pragmatist lmaoo. 

5 - osce briefing, DV osce practice w irun, watched run bts again lmaoo since knowing my osce schedule is thursday. read buku osce biru. 

6 - slept and lazed around til 1 pm. went to flavola since the construction was so noisy. osce simulation with UKMPPD Wibu. turns out flavola’s siomay is very fulfilling.

7 - todays construction noise escape is jco. Bought jcool double with almonds and chocolate crunchy. A bit of psych practice w aisyah. After maghrib practiced neuro w irun

8 - had no mood to study in the morning. Went to flavola, kopsusss coklat as usual. Reviewed osce materials (theres some tea about what might come out). Reviewed again at home (even tho i procrastinated from 6-9pm). Asked my bro for some ovo bcs i bought a mini keyboard in tokped lmaoooooo so random

9 - went to merra (ara and nessa’s place) but mom drove dad to the airport first. stome osce study, group consolidation for osce, tried mad bagel (the garlic cream cheese and tuna salad). the bagel was quite dense and fulfilling. the garlic cream cheese is quite heavy. arrived at home by 9 pm, went straight to sleep

10 - omg dr eva contacted me again :”) and i got the chance to be ecmocard research assistant. osce study. line call with ara. matcha latte. studied in juan’s room bcs it was so noisy. the keyboard i ordered arrived lolll cant wait to try. i dont know if its the anxiety or fear but i cant sleep and forced myself to sleep 11pm-ish

11 - osce. Went early to learn sumn more w ara tri. Osce (i forgot opv for the 5 mo old baby in peds station 😭 there was dr yogi omg) prayed zuhur and ashar in merra while waiting for pick up (i rly wish i could just bring my own vehicle but motorbike is rly tiring). Finally tried the mini keyboard, with earphones on. Practiced the song aku bukan untukmu by rossa lmao bu sihar taught us that in 33. I felt rly excited and not sleepy afterwards (that "normal" feeling with nothing looming). Its been a while since i tried something new, voluntarily. I guess its kind of what i felt when i tried the korean duolingo. That lasted for a couple months. Lets see how this keyboard thingy goes

12 - finally finished reviewing to oneshot (took ages lmao). Lazed around

13 - inten ukmppd w ness ren ara @ merraaa always. Went through 5 pdfs. Tried fastfit chicken burger and sweet potato fries. Quite fulfilling. Went back home and straight to bed (didnt eat anymore)

14 - started my day late as usual on weekdays lmaoo. flavola kopsus coklat as usual at my usual seat facing the window. did padi final tryout, score: 69. booty call with fianti, did mindset tryout, got 76,5.

15 - lazed tilll i start my day as usual @ 11-ish. Reviewed to padi final answers. Wow it sure took some damn time. My attention span is rly horrible when im alone in my room

16 - second dose of vaccine today. the rain was POURING. mom and emir waited in mcd. read half of aipki citation. 

17 - finished aipki citation, read CBT 2020 batch I and 2019 batch III questions. read a fantastic slow burn dramione fic. reviewed the last to solid.

18 - accompanied clara for swab antigen near airport train station (we came with motorbike since clara’s car was used). got called over by the police bcs we were in the car-only road lmaooo. went over optima tryout 2021. 

19 - cicil ukmppd at flavola with the usual menu, read some more afterwards

20 - ended up going to tamel bcs the flood in tb simatupang toll. Stayed w nessa and henny. Ate garlic carbonara spaghetti by bittersweet najla. Quite good for the price. Went over mediko questions with nessa and first session citation. Atikah sent some krispy kreme donuts 🥺🥺

21 - woke up at 4 bcs henny and nessa already did. Ate cold kanayam for bfast. Did ukmppd. I flagged quite a lot of questions huaa. I hope i can pass, aamiin. Went to tamel to get stuff (nebeng oca uye), climbed jembor to get to akis et al. Went to aeon (super crowded tffff), followed by ikea (parked at decathlon). Ate at both places (shared portion w kris lmaoo we get full quick). Aeon sushi and ikea meatball. So fulll. Went out of ikea to be briefed by dr Debby (ecmocard) and put my stuff to mom's car. Went in ikea again. And finally we went back. such a good sleep yall

22 - relaxed and i mean RELAXXXED. woke up and slept again. showered to prepare to go to harkit for intern briefing. i was late (thanks daan mogot road) and had to grabbike from untar. put on some sheet mask (natrep rose) bcs im realizing i need to fix my face and look decent for this new environment lmaoo.

23 - left home at 7 am, went through highway (i aint repeating daan mogot tragedy again). walked a bit backwards bcs the hightway exit was infront of dharmais. super slow progress on entering medical datas. took half a day to get one. and another half for the other. ate marugame udon, somay, chicken katsu and otak otak. we finished after maghrib and im writing this while waiting for mom

24 -  tried salted egg dori rice from salt inc. its quite salty and eneg inducing (a bit more than eatlah), but for the price (19k after cashback) i wont complain. Went back home before maghrib but there was still some medical record stuff i did in my room.

25 - magang as usual. Tried chicken egg salad from salad hut. Bought ice french hazelnut coffee from lawson coz i just cant take it anymore (the slump and sleepyness). I feel like the moment that sugary beverage enters my system i rise like a freshly watered plant. First meeting with dr eva and the others

26 - felt so tired even in the morning. Its 9 am and im already ordering janjiw coffee (with hazelnut and milo, quite sweet. Like a mix of kopiko and milo). Slow progress today i dunno why. Lunch is nayam rica2 and egg for 21k. Went back home by tj and mom picked me at gajah 2

27 - i hate to say this but bcs for 5 days now ive been fighting sleeping instincts, i snap out of sleepiness easier in the morning. Nasi uduk for brekkie. Moved some stuff up bcs the noise, played keyboard. Learned the (difficult) chords to tyler's see you again and im feeling satisfied. Went to racheel's place. Got fed chicken noodle. And then off to silvi's with devi also. Got fed chicken rice and dimsum. Thanks to friends im eating superwell today🥺

28 - relaxed at home. Skipped breakfast bcs i fell asleep and ate heartily in the afternoon. Evening run w racheel at citra 6

[hoodwinkedtoohoodvsevil]

OKAY i have so much to say about dm3 so here’s my #Thoughts (spoilers) IT’S REALLY REALLY LONG

tl;dr i loved it bc of course i did but if you want my spicy feelse it’s below the cut

OKAY i’m basically doin this off the cuff scene by scene from memory (i’ve seen it twice) but also touching on just. aspects of the movie as i think of them.

i’m gonna start by saying what everyone knows but idc i’ll say it until the end of time: I LOVE FELONIUS GRU SO MUCH OHHH MY GOD HIS EXISTENCE MAKES MY LIFE GOOD

ALSO!!!! RLY MAD AT THE MARKETING OF THIS MOVIE BC IT COMPLETELY /LIES/ ABOUT GRU’S INTENTIONS!!! HE HAS NO INTENTIONS OF GOING BACK TO VILLAINY AT ALL THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE HIS ENTIRE PLAN IS TO STEAL THE DIAMOND BACK FROM BALTHAZAR TO GET HIS+LUCY’S JOBS BACK SO BASICALLY GRU IS PERFECT 

oky so i thought the movie was RLY GOOD it basically does everything good that the first two movies do. the girls are in this more than 2 which is a big improvement. 2 may always be my favorite just bc it’s mostly abt grucy but 2 has the biggest flaw of them all (it’s fuckin racist as hell) so at least dm3 isn’t as...flawed.

it’s main problem is that it’s got a looot goin on, which is kinda common for sequels (especially third movies onward) bc they gotta give existing characters that everyone knows/likes plots/development while also establishing/developing new characters. i don’t really mind this so much bc i like all the characters in this movie a lot. i do like some plots/subplots more than others but i personally was never like. overwhelmed. the only subplot i didn’t rly care about was the minions one but i’ll talk abt that later. it’s not terrible tho.

MY main problem (basically the only thing that bothers me when i watch the movie) is how soooo fast paced it is. like, i get that the other movies kind of are too, but i can think of multiple parts of this movie where it just would’ve been better to just. let stuff sit? like okay, i have some examples that i’ll address when i get to them.

okay actually goin scene by scene now

first scene is good it’s basically just the first trailer but longer. i’ve said this before but i had the clownfish part it’s the worst part of the whole movie. but at least it’s only like two seconds. agents grucy is still my reason for existence and i’m kinda salty they never called back to that but i’m still blessed. balthazar is honestly so fuckin funny and Truthfully i liked the part when he blasts (naked) gru away with his keytar way better in the actual movie than in the trailer bc playing jump by van halen during that part was fucking HYSTERICAL.

gru...is so fucking funny and extra. “i don’t want to waste another breath on him. AND ANOTHER THING!!!” honey please chill. also “you’re making me nervous” BABY NO

okaaay buuuuuut the scene after they get fired slays me. “honey, you didn’t have to do that, i know how much you love your job” “well, there are some things i love more” LITERALLY MURDER MY ASS GRUCY IS MY REASON FOR LIVING

also catch my ass overanalyzing what gru says and tracing it back to lucy’s backstory (her parents were killed by supervillains when she was very young for those who don’t spend their free time researching everything about dm canon). she didn’t just love her job bc it was fun, it had significant meaning to her and just. excuse me I’M NOT CRYIN

“we should really tell the girls...can you do it?” girl same

the luau scene isn’t new to me so i don’t have much to say except that I Love My Daughters More Than Life Itself.

OKAY OKAY BUT here’s an example of the too fast paced parts i’m talkin about. when gru tells the girls that he and lucy lost their jobs, i read the jr novel before i saw the movie and i thought that part would be/should’ve been slower. like when he goes “lucy and i were invited to...not work at the avl anymore.” like? it just felt like he’d be a little more hesitant when telling him. just felt like it should’ve had a tiny bit more weight to it.

also “and let’s NOT go to katie’s house anymore.”

listen. i don’t hate the minions catch my ass defending them most of the time but i’m so salty at them in this movie. i get that their purpose is to serve the baddest villain but they’ve been with gru for like 45 YEARS THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE FAMILY!!!!! aso gru has been away from villainy for like more than a year so can they just chill please. these minions ain’t loyal.

I KNEW DR. NEFARIO WAS GONNA BE FROZEN IN CARBONITE BC JR NOVEL BUT I DIDN’T REALIZE HE WAS GONNA BE IN THE EXACT SAME POSE AS HAN SOLO SO I LOST MY SHIT. AND WE NEVER SEE HIM GET UNFROZEN SO IS HE LIKE GONE FOREVER? RIP I GUESS

the take on me scene was soooo goddamn funny

lucy comforting gru saved my life. that scene was actually well paced it wasn’t rushed but it didn’t go on longer than it needed to. a+ scene.

i knew from the trailers that agnes was gonna sell her unicorn but i didn’t know she was gonna look so SAD WHEN SHE DID IT THAT DESTROYED ME

uhhh skippin a few scenes bc whatever. stuff we know from trailers. OH OH but “YOU TOLD ME MY DAD DIED OF DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN I WAS BORN” WHAT THE FUUUUUCK I LAUGHED BUT GOD WHY IS SHE SO MEAN

lucy on the plane tryin to engage with the girls. i’m so sad pls just let her feel like a mom.

gru’s private part

the first scene in dru’s house reminded me that illumination’s lighting is always KILLER that scene was so beautifully lit 

DRUUUU INTERACTING WITH THE GIRLS WAS HONESTLY SOOO CUTE?? esp the part with agnes it just felt like genuine kid dialogue. i love. and “SHE’S 12 SHE LOOKS 12 AND SHE WILL ALWAYS BE 12″ oh honey (but same)

OKAY the most bothered i was by the pacing in this movie was when gru was like “lucy can i get a fuckin uhhhh leave i feel like garb” and lucy was like “honey just deal”. that’s another part i read in the jr novel and thought would have more. emotion to it. like it didn’t need to be heavy or anything but i remember feeling really sad when i read gru say “i feel worse than i did when i came here” but in the movie it just kinda flew by? ESPECIALLY bc lucy was immediately like “well, he’s your brother just try to get along with him”. like, okay, you just had a scene of gru venting to lucy about feeling like a failure so you’d think if she found out meeting dru made gru feel worse she’d be like “oh no i’m sorry this isn’t what you were expecting and you feel even worse now” like she doesn’t need to say any of that but even just. a pause and a facial expression can say a lot. just a look of sympathy and then trying to cheer him up or be more optimistic like “well he is your brother and you were so excited to meet him and you only just met like you might eventually be glad you did this” that kinda thing. it was just sooo rushed it felt like nothing when it should’ve felt like Something bc lucy knows gru’s been feeling bad and just. a little sympathy would’ve been nice and still could’ve led to the same conclusion. but shit we gotta save time for the minions musical number i guess.

speaking of that i’m just gonna talk about that subplot in one bullet point. it was the one i cared about the least and had nothing to do with anything really. i’ll admit the singing part is kinda funny bc idk what it is but they always have good song choices for when the minions sing. like make em laugh in the minions movie and now modern major general like yeah those are minion songs yknow. and okay it is kinda funny when they’re in prison bc they just IMMEDIATELY show them and they’re like runnin the place. i figured there’d be some kinda transition but nope they get there and they rule the prison. also the first class/coach separation in the plane was funny but i have to wonder what dictates whether a minion ends in first class or coach. but yeah like i said i don’t really caaaaare and i’m salty over the minions leavin gru anyway so fuck em.

OH OH OH BUT THE PART WHERE MEL MISSES GRU AND IS REMEMBERING GOOD TIMES WITH HIM LITERALLY MADE ME CRY GRU IS SUCH AN ANGEL!!!!! THAT WAS ONE OF MY FAVE SCENES

okay rest of the movie. god this is so long i’m so sorry but i have SO MUCH TO SAY.

i don’t have much to say abt the scenes with gru and dru except i like them and i like their interactions. i didn’t think i’d like dru as much as i did  tho i do see how people could find him annoying. i guess i’m just like. well i’m lucy and he’s part of my family so yes i love him.

“gettin my sea legs, matey” meeeeeee

SAD LITTLE BOOTS WAS SOOOO FUNNY

BAR NONE THE FUNNIEST AND JUST MOST CHARMING SCENE IN THE WHOLE MOVIE WAS GRU AND DRU PRETENDING TO BE EACH OTHER. everything about that scene gives me life. it was sooo genuine and natural like when they couldn’t keep it up and just burst out laughing. they’re adorable i love my husband and my brother-in-law they’re such children. i just love that it was gru’s idea bc you know when he was thinkin about twin stuff on the plane ride there he was like ‘omg what if we switched places and pretended to be each other to fool ppl omg that’s a twin thing’ but it was so obvious bc kids can get away with that but they’re in their fuckin 50s you fools.

THAT REMINDS ME steve carell was honestly so good in this movie. like he’s always good as gru but he was rly good as dru too like obviously they sounded similar but i was never watching it and thinking “oh this is steve carell talking to himself” like he voiced both characters well and obvs they had different personalities and that rly came through and just. i love you sexy grey hair steve carell.

scene with gru and agnes was so damn pure just. everything i want out of a scene with gru and agnes. thank u illumination for my life.

gonna talk abt the agnes subplot in one bullet point bc there’s not much to it. basically i love my daughter, she’s an angel, and i like that we just. have a goat now. also another animation highlight in the scene where she and edith are in the forest looking for the unicorn. that forest was gorgeous. and again, beautifully lit.

lucy defending margo REPLENISHED MY ELECTROLYTES 

also when she was like “i gotta tell gru!” so precious omg i wish we could’ve seen her tell him about it that would’ve been so cute. 

love the scene of gru and dru sneakin into balthzar’s lair. good stuff. I DIE WHEN DRU WAS FREAKIN OUT IN THE VENT AND GRU WAS LIKE “hey relax :) it’s gonna be fine :) i got your back” I WANTED TO SCREAM WHY IS GRU SO PERFECT

i don’t ship druthazar (sorry dm fandom) but i still leaned over to david when dru was sitting on balthzar’s bed and i whispered “that’s not the last time he was in balthzar’s bed” bc i‘m funny

AND THE BEST PART IS YOU’LL NEVER :) EVER >:( DO ANYTHING BEHIND MY BACK EVER AGAIN >:(( RIGHT HONEYBEAR? :)))

sometimes you want a unicorn. but you just get a goat.

i was ready to declare the part where lucy comes in just loudly singing and then goes “you’ve been a baaad boy gru” and smacks his face my favorite lucy scene in the whole movie but the it was balthazar disguised as lucy and i’ve never felt more betrayed

also how did balthazar perfectly mimic lucy’s voice? when he was disguised as the museum guy it was clearly trey parker doing another south park voice but WHATEVER

while i’m thinkin abt it trey parker was fine as balthazar i guess like he was funny but i used to watch a looot of south park so i would so often just her the south park in his voice and i was like Alright

THE CLIMAX OF THIS MOVIE MURDERED MY ASS!!!!! i looooove this movie’s climax it’s easily the best of the dm franchise. i never wanted to murder balthazar with my bare hands more than when he left the girls for dead and tried to kill an unconscious gru with a giant lazer. i was SHOOKETH. lucy jumpin across the giant bubble gum...balls or whatever to save the girls was the BEST SHIT. dru saving gru was so good i’m so proud of him...love my brother-in-law. and the dance fight with gru and balthazar SAVED!!! CINEMA!!! i was screamin oh my god..i know y’all know i love gru with everything i am but y’all he’s SO GOOD IN THE CLIMAX OF THIS MOVIE

as lucy wilde, i can confirm that after i ran up and hugged gru i was covering his face with red lipstick and also being like “balthazar’s dead right? like not just caught, fucking DEAD? RIGHT??” he either lied to assuage me or I Found A Way

AGNES SAYING “love you mom” TO LUCY AND LUCY BEING LIKE “i’m a mom!!” KILLED WHATEVER WAS LEFT OF MY SOUL!!!!!

tho tho tho i’m still UPSET that the girls call gru by his name and not dad...like you gonna call lucy mom WHEN U GONNA CALL GRU DAD I’M GASPING FOR AIR

lucy was very dtf at the end she was like gru say good night to your brother and let’s go FUCK (and then dru had to go and interrupt it smh)

i was like UMMMMM at first when watching the very last scene but then when i saw how gru and lucy reacted to it i was like okay i accept this. he better have just been staying temporarily at their house and going back to freedonia soon tho bc i don’t think lucy would like the idea of a supervillain living her house.

gru n lucy gettin ready to go in for the kill. love it. love them forever.

trey parker’s singing in hug me (the credits song) sounds too much like andy partridge of xtc and like 0 people reading this (if anyone’s still reading oh my god) are gonna know what i’m talking about but it makes it quite the Experience whenever i listen to it

speaking of this is the best soundtrack out of dm 1-3 i’ve been listening to it the whole time writing this

SO IN SUMMARY hi i’m lucy wilde, and my husband and daughters are absolutely everything to me. as a viewer balthazar is the most entertaining dm villain bar none (overkills excluded obvs), but as lucy wilde i hope he fucking dies for trying to kill my family. dru is a good brother-in-law and is also a gay icon. this movie came out in pride month for a reason. dru (a gay male) and lucy (a pan woman) are true mlm/wlw solidarity.

i’m fuckin.

i love.