#i did also just assume this was for josh ngl

[grievedifferent]

different ways to kiss someone. accepting !! // * @maljefe

[ comfort ] a tender kiss to provide comfort or reassurance

he's been struggling. he's been off the grid for a few days, not answering his phone, not replying to texts or emails. nothing. he's just gone.

had she known chris, she might have been able to ask, and he would say josh just does that sometimes. it seems to be his process when he's working on some secret project.

her instincts tell her better; tell her that this isn't a drop off the map and say sorry kind of exodus. something is wrong.

she confronts him several days later, although it isn't exactly a confrontation. she's more agitated before she sees him, almost deflating after entering the foyer of the washington family main estate.

it's too big here. it's too lonely for three people.

when she rounds the corner, she sees him just as he always is. he shows like himself at first, casually in his kitchen leaning against the island as he ignores the tall glass of ice water that's been poured for him.

even their drinking glasses are crystal, and only two sips have been taken, just enough to swallow his new pills. those are tucked away safely in a locked cabinet that only his parents have access to.

you know you like to overmedicate, his mother had staunchly reminded him.

it's just precautionary, son. with your history, it's better this way, his father explained.

drumming his fingers on the countertop and the light finally hits him from the large window over the sink. he seems more fatigued than usual, more rundown. this isn't his usual stayed up for twenty-four hours studying classic horror movies kind of tired — the kind where he'd usually come out of the basement with his eyes sore from the projector light and a journal full of scrawled notes. this is something different; something heavier.

❝ didn't think you'd actually come here, ❞ he croaks before clearing his throat. he picks up his cell off the counter, showing it to her. his voice is a little stronger now, a little more confident. ❝ got your texts. i was gonna call you back, but, uh, i got ... kinda busy, and i just sort of ... lost track of ... right. look, i'm sorry i totally flaked out. i'm not usually like that. ❞ that's not true. liar. ❝ i, uh, got sick. pretty bad flu going around. heh ... ❞

she doesn't seem to believe him. she's watching him carefully — too carefully for his liking — before silently approaching from the left. he stands straight, one hand dropping to rest on the island top as the other arm fall at his side to hang loose. what ... ??

when she says his name, he goes to reply, but she shushes him. instead, she slowly takes his face in her hands, standing on the tips of her toes, and cups his cheeks. awkward and embarrassed, josh opens his mouth, letting it hang open stupidly as his brows furrow in a look that reads as confusion seeking resolve.

is she mad at me? is she going to slap me now or something? not like he doesn't deserve a hit for totally bailing, the complications of his situation aside, and he half-braces for an impact that never comes.

instead, she kisses him on the corner of the mouth, and it's brief, yet tender, and her hands release him just as gently as they procured him.

he stammers a bit, cheeks flushing out of sheer disbelief. it just seems so random in its tenderness. did that ... actually happen?

❝ maybe i, uh, should disappear more often? ❞

[wellcollapse]

*flails into your inbox*

wtf

what the fuck

what the ACTUAL FUCK!?!!?!

was that episode!?!?!?!

*external screaming but very quietly because everyone else is sleeping*

I was gonna liveblog the episode to you but got too caught up to do so

I'm not into The Bachelor so I was assuming this was some fake copycat show. But no. That was the REAL host of The Bachelor???? Wild! But hey, at least it's a paycheck! (Chimney was killing me with the attempts to film Joey for Maddie and Josh. I love Josh so much XD)

Athena's plot[s?] were both so heartbreaking. I want to hug Harry forever! And that poor woman, too.

Okay now for Buck, Bothered and Bewildered (and bi!)

NGL, I get secondhand embarrassment pretty easily, so there were a few times I fast-forwarded through Buck's attempts at getting Eddie's attention. He's such a dork tho, I love him so much! And I felt so bad for Buck AND Eddie when Buck (accidentally?) hurt Eddie. Glad it's not a bad injury, and that Chimney was there to help.

At least things ended well! That ending, good god I was NOT PREPARED!!!! The whispered scream that I scrumpt! The "I cannot believe THAT just happened!!!!" and other "!!!!" thoughts in my head!!! like! That happened??? THAT HAPPENED!!!!!! Tommy's bright smile (I've gotta say, I was not expecting a Tommy redemption, but I don't mind it in the least), Buck's dazed expression, like that happy and mildly confused "did that really just happen?" expression-

the legitimate TEARS THAT I CRIED!!! AND I AM NOT A CRIER!!!!!!!

Rae, I'm dead. I've died I'm dead that episode KILLED me!!!

-TWS Anon

i really wanted to reply to this with something insightful but my at the moment my brain is just 'evan buckley is bisexual!! evan buckley is bisexual!! evan buckley is bisexual!!' on a loop so i just wanna say that i'm also dead and i've died and i'm dead and THAT EPISODE KILLED ME TOO!!! i have my college classes to go to and responsibilities to take care of but i haven't been able to function like a normal person since april third and i think my brain has been fundamentally altered as a consequence of the bucktommy kiss. evan buckley is canonically bi...what a world. WHAT A WORLD!!

also several of buck's actions this ep had me side-eyeing him HARD bc. you know. Yikes. but i have to admit that i've never loved him more than the scene in the gym where he was trying to get eddie to notice him. what a pathetic wet cat loser of a man. i adore him 😅💕🥰🫶🥹

[sparkliingdust]

Omg, I just watched the What If episode... and i'm not gonna lie, I got super emotional. It was so amazing to see Peggy as Captain Carter kicking Hydra's asses, Steve's smol butt fighting alongside her, Bucky having a personality outside of the Winter Soldier, Howard being so extra. Where did they find Josh Keaton to voice Steve instead of Chris (which I'm kind of super salty about ngl)??? and how does Ross Marquand imitate absolutely everybody??

But also...(spoilers)

The ending felt extremely rushed. I know the writing was going for something different instead of just copying The First Avenger, but the Red Skull bringing the Hydra through the tesseract was anti-climatic. I wish they had more than 30 minutes to build the story because it felt random by the end.

I also loved how they bridged the gap for her to come through The Avengers movie, but all of that build-up to that final line and she doesn't say "I had a date"???? It's great that they didn't sum her arc up as a love story, but it can't be denied that a huge part of the episode is Steggy. And, for them to not acknowledge their date and the pay-off of that moment felt a little cheap.

Did Steve start SHIELD instead? What did Bucky do for all of those years since he wasn't a brainwashed assassin? does she even try to reunite with him or are we supposed to assume she does? Is this episode connected to the rest of the series or just a fragment of the multi-verse? did Howard try to find her like he did with Steve?

I was extremely happy with so many things. I couldn't stop smiling. But I want answers. I. WANT. MORE.

[jugggheadjoness]

from afar pt five // jughead jones au

from afar // the one with the brother

masterlist

summary: (Y/N) needs a wedding date. jughead is the only one available. small problem-they aren’t on good terms.

words: 1,328

(((author’s note: i’m v sorry for the late upload, i was v busy with a job interview and writing this essay up! I hope you enjoy this part, its quite rambly ngl)))

“So why does my sister call you Forsythe if you hate it so much?” Josh raised his eyebrow as he sat opposite Jughead, his eyes never leaving Jughead’s.

“You make exceptions for the people you love.”

“So you love her?”

“You could say that.”

“Archibald, I need you to drive us around Boston tonight.” (Y/N) smirked “Betty, Montana and I are about to hit the town.”

“God, we’re too old for that saying.”

“I’m not exactly in bar hopping clothes.” Archie frowned.

“Good thing we’re in Manhattan and we’re fully grown adults.”

“So how long have you been together?”

“Ten months. She didn’t want to introduce me to you all just yet but she realised if she turned up alone, your family would be trying to pair her off.”

“She’s right. She’s had to go through five weddings within three years. If I were her, I wouldn’t have coped past the second one.”

“I’m sorry if you weren’t expecting me, I told her she should’ve warned you.”

“It’s odd though. Ten months and she’s never mentioned it to me.”

“I mean she didn’t tell Kevin until two weeks ago.”

“How do I look, Mon?” Betty asked, stepping out of the dressing room in the dress chosen for her.

Archie grinned, biting his lip, earning a playful smack from the dark haired girl sitting next to him.

“If only I could show my excitement like Archie, I would.” Montana commented, causing the blonde in front of her to laugh.

“Can’t wait to see you try yours on, (Y/N). Yo’ man betta tie you down before my weirdo cousin, Jackson, tries to make a move.”

“So do you work?” Josh smiled at the dark haired man before him “I’m sorry, just brotherly things that should’ve happened earlier in the relationship.”

“I write a column for the Riverdale Journal. Nothing major, I’m hoping to publish a book soon.”

“Hope it works out for you, man.”

“Thanks.” There was a slight pause “You know, I just want the best for (Y/N), right?”

“I understand. I also want the best for her. She’s one of the few females in the family. You’re lucky that you haven’t had the chance to sit down with Niall yet, he’d question you into the ground.”

“(Y/N)’s favourite cousin, right?”

The sound of a camera shutter pulled the girls back to reality, their heads turning to Archie immediately.

He responded with a shrug “Thought Jug might’ve want to see how good you looked.”

“Mon, I can’t believe you’re getting married next week.”

“Girl, I can’t believe it too. Got me feeling older than Morgan Freeman.”

Jughead smiled to himself as glanced down at the picture Archie had sent him.

archie: ‘cant wait to see ur cute little butt in a cute little dress’

archie: u waited long enough ;)

“So it’s a girls night but I’m driving you around?”

“Pretty much, we’re going to get wasted and not worry about how to get home.” Montana clapped as she shuffled around in the back seat, trying to change into something less business looking.

“You’re a decent guy.” Josh sighed “I wasn’t too sure about you at first. She spent so many nights, ranting on the phone to me about her douche-y hot roommate. God, I think she even cried a few times.”

“I never realised how much of a dick I was being. I’m not really good at handling my emotions and I guess I turned my liking into this hatred.”

“There’s a thin line between love and hate and you crossed it. She was so convinced you were plotting her murder.”

“She hung out with Reggie too much.” He rolled his eyes.

“You’re lucky she never mentioned it to our cousin, Niall. He would’ve come down to RCU and broken your legs, you would still be limping to this day.”

“She never told him?”

“No, in all honesty, I think she was crushing on you at the time but I’m not 100% sure.”

“Your family seems protective of (Y/N).”

“Well, when theres twelve of us and only two are female, you tend to develop no tolerance for bullshit when it comes to them.”

She took another shot, feeling the liquor burn her throat as it went down. (Y/N) couldn’t really remember the last time she had drank, having promised Reggie she’d go through a month of no alcohol.

“You’re one hundred percent tipsy.” a voice commented from behind her, causing her to turn around.

She frowned at the sight of her ex standing at the bar, a smirk plastered on his face.

“Would say it’s been nice seeing you, James, but that’s a lie.”

“Here, how about I buy you a drink and make you change your opinion?”

“Sure thing.”

“I guess I always knew that I didn’t hate her. I met my best friend through her, whether I want to admit that to her or not, it was the truth. Archie was constantly checking up on her and we became friends because of that. He was like you, at first.”

“Slight weary of your relationship with (Y/N)?”

“No, slightly weary of even speaking to me.”

“It makes a lot of sense. Archie’s always looked out for (Y/N) and I doubt that will stop any time soon. I’m just glad both, you and Betty, understand their closeness and don’t try to prevent it.”

Archie’s brows furrowed as he made his way over to the bar, spotting James inching closer towards (Y/N) but before he had reached her, she took the drink from the bar and sent a smile James’s way before turning away and heading over to him.

“Arch!” she giggled “I love free drinks.”

“You know, you’re going to be the death of me right?”

She nodded, wrapping her arm around his waist. “How’s Montana?”

“In an even worse state than you.”

“Guess I better drink up then.”

“It’s getting late and I’m off to bed.” Josh yawned “I’m so sorry about all the questions.”

“I get it. Brother things.”

“Yeah.” He smiled “By the way, there’s no point on waiting up for them. Mon texted me earlier that they went out for drinks. Drunk (Y/N) is a handful, if you need help, don’t hesitate to wake me.”

“I’m so glad you barely drank anything.” Archie chuckled as he held a stumbling, drunk (Y/N) tightly to his side.

“I knew this would happen. (Y/N) hasn’t drank in months and I assumed you would need help when it came to her. What I didn’t expect was for Montana to be worse than her.” Betty spoke, as she led the dark haired girl towards the direction of the car.

The four made their way into the house, trying to make it to their rooms without waking anyone up.

“Shhh, Archie. You might wake Josh up.” Montana giggled

“Tana, we’re in the living room.”

She giggled as she poked his face, earning a soft mumble to escape his lips. He turned around in the bed and saw Betty pulling her away from the bed.

“Let him sleep, (Y/N). Let’s get you changed.”

“Hey, I’m starting to s-sober up.”

“I know, sweetheart, but it doesn’t mean you should wake him up.”

“I just want to tell him his dad is hot.”

Betty let out a laugh, her hand rushing up to her mouth as she noticed him, pushing himself up.

“Betttttt, admit it. You agree. FP Jones is a hot human.”

“I’m sure he’ll be flattered.” Jughead commented, switching the light on.

“Shhh, you’ll wake him.” (Y/N) hiccuped

“God, she’s past gone isn’t she?”

Betty nodded her head. “Sorry for waking you.”

“No, it’s alright. You go off to bed. I’ll take over.”

“Just wash her face and make sure she drinks water before she sleeps.”

“Come on, sweet cheeks, let’s get your makeup off you.”

“Why do you not like me? Did I do something?”

“No, sweet cheeks. You’re mistaken. I do like you. A lot more than you think.”

tags: @meratt2000

[rnaryjune]

alright let’s get a little more in-depth here and sort out who to root for. working backwards this time.

Raven: likes frankie grande. PASS. like the idea that she’s not afraid to make big moves, but lbh that doesn’t mean squat unless and until she actually goes through with it. the all female ghost hunting team thing is cool though it better come up in the show i demand to know about this.

Ramses: superfan, loves dan (which...okay i never actually saw dan’s season i really only know him from the coaches twist and even then i didn’t really pay attention to him? but anyway i know from the fandom that this is a good sign), he wants to do that SUPER SMART DANIELLE THING of having a person on the other side of the house and keeping track of it that way. that being said, his strategy is a little...TOO thought-out. with a game like big brother you have to be ready to make adjustments and think on your feet, and i’m not sure he’ll be able to do that if necessary. HEY HE IS the obligatory gay man...and a gay man of color at that. which....okay let’s be honest, big brother does not have the best track record when it comes to games of gmoc (Marcellas, Lawon, JOZEA, among others). buuuuuuuut....i’m willing to stick my neck out once more. KEEP.

Megan: eugh she likes frank victor and paul which like...okay tbf i kinda understand from a game perspective because they did pull some interesting moves (and ngl paul’s gameplay was always a bit like how i imagine i would play). but i think she likes them as ppl too which...no. also she says she doesn’t wanna be like vanessa???? THE SIRENS GOING OFF AT THAT STATEMENT. she ain’t gonna last. PASS. oh my god and then later in her bio “ At the same time, there is always that whiny, crying girl that just can't handle the pressures of the house. I would make her my friend and my secret ally. This is the only person in the house I will be loyal to. I'll take her to Final 2 and, since she didn't do anything the whole time, I'll win.” like girl....that’s gonna be you lmao. also she wants to buddy up with a gym-partner guy? can we say obvious showmancer? look if she can back it up with some comp wins then maybe she could pull a rachel but i just don’t see that happening. she literally says she’s gonna play scared which like...yea you’re never for sure safe in the bb house but she is literally gonna go down the vanessa path.

Matthew: HE LIKES DONNY. HE IS IN MY GOOD GRACES. he wants to align with the women too??? tentative KEEP because the fact that he says donny is a good person makes me want to trust that he, too, is a good person. but i’ve been burned before, and besides, as great as it would be to see a mainly female alliance with one guy, so far the girls aren’t impressing me much, so i don’t have high hopes for that.

Mark: you know it makes sense he likes brendon. so yea, definite showmance material. possibly with megan too actually. honestly not impressed. PASS.

Kevin: he doesn’t even have a favorite player he just “met derrick once” lol man u are DEFINITELY not gonna win. unless he can adapt quickly which...is unlikely. “I was Mr. Massachusetts and also won a hunk contest” okay buddy. also he’s all like “being myself will probably work everytime” dude if u don’t win that first hoh u are easy target number one. PASS. probably nice but will not win. no chance in hell. unless something MAJOR happens.

Josh: like evel dick so....look, i’ll be honest, i was very young when season 8 was on so like...idr all the stuff that dick pulled, i mostly know from posts in the fandom. but at the time, i was a huge fan of him, and was thrilled he won. and i mean, he did at least have some gameplay, unlike other despicable ppl in later seasons (*cough* andy). so i mean from a gameplay standpoint, i can see why someone would want to emulate dick’s game. however, i think it would require stealthier manipulation than josh thinks. and the fact that he didn’t need to be on anybody’s good side? nice thought and all, but if he didn’t have danielle and her alliances, he would have never made it as far as he did. you HAVE to have someone in your corner, even just one person. josh underestimates the power of alliance and is probably gonna end up being like a paulie. eugh. PASS. sidenote: dude wants to bring his mom in the house not because he would miss her but so she would cook and clean for him???? LOL FUCK THIS GUY i hate him already. his fun facts aren’t even fun facts they’re just personality traits lmao

Jillian: worried about saying the wrong thing? could be a bad sign or just innocent. i am intrigued by her answers though, so a tentative KEEP.

Jessica: janelle/natalie hybrid? could be interesting and if she says she sees herself in janelle that’s VERY promising. less promising is that she wants to align with a guy. could very easily get sidetracked by showmance. hopeful though, so tentative KEEP.

Jason: oh god almost forgot anbout hfajlfhghfskh RODEO CLWON JfHASFJFlshAL. ahem. he likes James which...tbh i liked him too. look if he’s good enough for natalie then he’s decent enough for me. anyway, i fricking love jason’s answer about his strategy: “yes” that’s it that’s all he says I LOVE IT. also he has a bull??? WE BETTER SEE IT IN THE SHOW. i don’t expect him to win but he seems an interesting person so....KEEP. for now.

Elena: likes james and thinks the strategy is situational aKA THE TRUTH. seems like she might actually be able to play the game???? which seems unheard of nowadays. can’t get a real idea of her character but for gameplay i’ll go with a KEEP for now.

Dominique: “nor do i shy away from controversy” is again something that could go either way and instantly makes me cautious. but let’s look at gameplay. she says she’ll take mental notes of everyone and be observant, and she can read ppl really well, so i want to think she’ll do well. but her indecision over a fave past houseguest is something that makes me take pause as well. screw it, KEEP for now. i’m curious to see what she can do.

Cody: seems smart and obviously physically capable....BUT something in his answers rubs me the wrong way. his reasoning for picking evel dick is something i can agree with, but his strategy is, once again, too airtight. where is the wiggle room? look it’s true the basic building blocks of big brother are generally the same every season but you never know what could get changed. also he’s all like “i’ve never taken a selfie” you’ve never taken a picture of yourself? ever? that seems unlikely but it’s whatever aside from assumed pretentiousness. HOWEVER the real big flag is “i have never been offended not once” buddy that is a DAMNED lie and i caNNOT WAIT until he gets pissy about something in the house and the fandom calls him out on it lmao oh anyway PASS.

Christmas: oh  my god she chose HELEN. HELEN OF ALL PEOPLE. THIS IS A GOOD SIGN. idk man i’m very hopeful about this one the fave houseguest is a good sign and i want to like christmas for it....also because her picture is gorgeous but like. she chose HELEN. like im sorry but i feel like most ppl wouldn’t even think of helen. maybe christmas can align with that guy who likes donny??? YES I LIKE THIS. anyway KEEP.

Cameron: well of COURSE his fave is ian like how damn predictable can u be. also he just reminded me of ginamarie and the fact that she won an hoh at some point (how???). that being said, the fact that he’d just tell people that someone is going after them?? bad plan. unless there’s ANY truth to it, but if he pulls it out of his ass he’s going to end up imploding his own game. PASS, not just for meh gameplay but also because he bores me. (seriously i’m so tired of ian clones none of them have been anywhere near as good or interesting why are we still doing this)

Alex: “i can manipulate anyone, including boys” aka she will probably start a showmance. idk with who and tbh idc. her fun facts are actual, legitimate fun facts, and she seems nice, but i don’t get good gameplay vibes. PASS, but i hope she surprises me.

[toonazcoolforyou]

Hell Followed

Okay, so, as i rambled on in the Discord this is gunna be an ad for my character’s family. They’re kind of a cooky bunch of folks ngl and there’s probably rumors about them but the sort of head of the family makes sure it doesn’t affect her kids or her reputation all that much. Still, they’re an odd bunch.

I’d say for now they’re mostly humans and possibly a few psychics or hunters -the family is So(™) not in the know about the supernatural but individual-wise that may vary a bit. What will happen, however, is that misfortune’s (and even more weirdness) gunna come knocking on their doors and things are gunna start to get even crazier. Whether it’s someone getting turned into a werewolf, someone dating a wendigo, someone dying and turning into a spirit, someone getting possessed by a demon, etc. etc. etc. the family’s gunna have to put aside their differences, since there probably are many, and band together if they wanna weather this storm.

And it’s definitely gunna be one hell of a storm.

Overall the structure of the family/how many there are/etc. hasn’t been decided yet so i am definitely ready to hear any and all suggestions! Preeetty much only the mom, the stepfather, my character, and Kovu’s character has been sort of fitted in so there is that for reference lmao

First Hendrickson - ## - Mother - Open - She considers herself the head of the household and makes sure all the family members under her wing are kept well enough in control -she sometimes succeeds. She can be pretty ruthless when she wants something so she is definitely a force to be reckoned with. Whatever secrets she could be hiding she guards them well and one has to wonder whether she’s willing to maim or kill to keep them from the rest of the world, perhaps even from her own family.

First Hendrickson - ## - Stepfather - Open - This is the stepdad. Yup, Mrs. Hendrickson married twice (Hendrickson can be implied to be her maiden name and she never gave it up). Despite the short fuse and his problematic past, he’s proved to be an exemplary father and husband, always trying to mediate family confusions unless he’s involved. A bad boy in his younger years, this is hardly noticed nowadays aside from his rough edges. He’s pretty open, feel free to contact me and/or Kovu for further info! The face is open but in case you need suggestions: Kevin McKidd, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Josh Duhamel, Sam Worthington, Gerard Butler, Patrick Dempsey and Jude Law are a few!

Frank Hendrickson - 38 - Son - Taken by Nazcool - Frank is definitely one of the more normal family members of the Hendrickson family -and he sort of hates his association with them. He’s a man of absolute perfection and has to make sure everything is in proper order, to the detriment of having a lot of people who like him. It’s not that he’s a bad guy but… he’s not all that likable. Sure, some people get used to his more stern nature and semi-controlling ways though not everyone. Relationship wise, well… he tends to be the one in charge, to put it lightly, and so many aren’t surprised that it’s been a year since he’s been divorced from his wife (most assume she divorced him but actually he divorced her). There’s hints of other relationship troubles and perhaps something even darker but nothing has come to light just yet. His mother was overly fond of his ex-wife, which could be one of the many reasons why Frank is now hiding the fact that he’s seeing a lounge singer -he’s too terrified of what his mother will say or do if she does find out. The subject of being terrified of said mother is another matter entirely, and one he does not want to talk about whatsoever.

Alana Hendrickson - 25 - Step Sister - Taken by Kovu - Alana is the stepdad’s daughter and a psychic. Unlike many in the family, she’s more familiar with the supernatural than she probably should be, even going as far as running the local haunted house attraction with real creatures. She’s friendly and outgoing in personality, always looking for the next adventure and there is nothing she won’t try at least once. Also fiercely protective, she’ll stand and fight for all of those she cares about, which of course includes her family. She lives alone nowadays or, well, as alone as you can be with six pets.

 I haven’t thought of the number of siblings/aunts/uncles/cousins/In-laws/etc. so it’s gunna be more me adding people to the list as they come up/are discussed rather than me putting a billion suggestions which are gunna be lame xD;; don’t hesitate to poke me on Discord tho with any ideas you have and what you may wanna add to the Hendrickson family!

Also! Once you have a character thought out and wanna add it to the list just lemme know and I can do just that! (this also applies to characters that aren’t yours that haven’t been discussed yet) I did a little blurb for mine (okay a small chunk i cannot do anything little lmao) but if you don’t wanna have much in there you can just say a sentence or two about who/what they are haha

(also the picture is courtesy of kovu it’s amazing <3 that is all)

[dwarveslikeshinythings]

Guys i saw beauty and the beast last night...

and i just... 

was kind of... baffled (?) by some of the choices? 

caution: spoilers/controversial opinions/randomy thought-vomity thoughts under the cut. I didn’t hate it as much as this makes it sound... I promise! 

*This got WAY too long, so I’m breaking it into sections. I’m so sorry to anyone that actually bothers to read this. It’s honestly just a reactionary stream of consciousness, for the most part. 

THE ACTING 

To set this up/disclaim: I adore Emma Watson as a human being. She is absolutely lovely, she IS and will always be Hermione Granger, and I’ve liked her in most of her other projects. That said, I found her COMPLETELY flat in this movie acting-wise (and don’t worry, I’ll get to her singing). I don’t think that Emma by nature is what I would describe as “feisty;” there’s a classy, sophisticated, “prim and proper-ness” to her that definitely has it’s place... but just not here. 

Belle needs to be fiery, empowered, passionate, and she just has to EXUDE that in everything she says or does. I think they did a lot in the script to empower Belle through the dialogue she was given, but Emma just doesn’t exude those things naturally with her acting, which I think is where the disconnect ultimately came from. 

So unfortunately, I was worried this would be a case of miscasting from the beginning, and I was sadly proven right. She looked absolutely stunning, but I personally never felt like I connected with Emma’s Belle, which KILLED me, because like so many other people that grew up with the movie, Belle was the character that no matter where I was in life, I always gravitated toward. 

Honestly, I just felt like I got more genuine emotion from 2 minutes of Human!Dan Stevens as the prince there at the end than I did from Emma the entire film.

THE SCRIPT 

I wouldn’t have thought this would be possible, given that the animated film script is pitch-perfect and even the Broadway show manages to be good (despite some completely worthless additions), but the script for this film was actually pretty bad. I’d give it 3.5/10. The pacing through the whole thing was... off, somehow. The relationship development between Belle and the Beast felt off-balance to me, and there were several scenes that I genuinely sat there going “well that was rushed.” (*cough* LIBRARY SCENE *cough*) 

Specifically: 

Why on EARTH would they have given the “I’ll show you to your room” scene to anyone BUT the Beast. It’s like, the entire tee-up to the Belle x Beast relationship???!? 

Also, they BOTCHED the whole “join me for dinner” bit, BECAUSE they gave the “i’ll show you to your room” scene to the objects. 

I was not a HUGE fan of the one-line backstory they gave the beast, something about “his father turned him into a monster” or something to that effect. To me, that “woobifies” the character in a way I’m not a fan of...  I always liked the Beast because it seemed to me that he had CHOSEN to be a bad person, he got his comeuppance when he was cursed, and he consciously had to decide to change his heart in order to break the spell. It took something away from the Belle x Beast arc to insert someone else in there to tell her “oh, he’s this way because X,” and for that to serve as a catalyst for her feelings softening.

Also, the whole Paris bit was super extra, and to me, a sign that the writers were like “oh crap, we haven’t done enough to build up Belle and the Beast, so uh, here, let’s have them bond over sadness.” Like... meh? (Sidebar: if you’re GONNA do the Paris thing and you’re GONNA have HUGE SHOT OF NOTRE DAME SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING, I EXPECT A “HUNCHBACK” EASTER EGG. C’MON, DISNEY!) 

Shifting gears, NGL, I missed Gaston’s ill-attempted “wooing” scene at the beginning of the movie. It almost seemed to me like they were intentionally trying to excise some of the blatant misogny from his character... but... like... he’s SUPPOSED to be the biggest fuckboi in town... he’s supposed to be the character that you really hate. He should be narcissistic, mysogynistic and generally disgusting. I remember even being a kid being thoroughly disgusted by Gaston, and feeling like he really got what he deserved when Belle chucked him out into the mud. And I just... didn’t get that from this film. I mean, he became hateable later with what he did to Maurice, but there was a lot missing from the propsal/rejection scene for me. (Also I would have DIED to hear Luke Evans sing “ME” from the Broadway show.)

ANOTHER THING: not enough of the Gaston fangirls! They could have had SUCH FUN with Lefou and the girls all mooning over Gaston... not a huge deal, just a missed character/comedy opportunity, IMO. 

OTHER MISSING CHARACTERS: WHERE TF WAS MONSIEUR D’ARQUE?!? He was positively creeptacular in the original/stage version, plus YOU CAST ADRIAN FUCKING SCHILLER, WHY WOULD YOU NOT USE HIM!?!? My boy got seriously shortchanged. 

Also, how TF did Belle manage to pull off that full costume change while galloping away on a horse??? 

Final random casting thing: the village library guy was pretty young and hot (not at all like the old guy from the movie). If I was Belle, I’d have been all over that! :P

THE MUSIC: 

OKAY SO THE MUSIC: 

First thing’s first: HOLLYWOOD. IF YOU’RE GOING TO CONTINUE RE-MAKING EVERY MUSICAL UNDER THE SUN AND INSIST ON CASTING ACTORS WHO CANNOT SING, WE HAVE GOT TO RE-EMBRACE THE CONCEPT OF DUBBING. BRING BACK THE MARNI NIXONS OF THE WORLD AND LET THEM SING. AUDREY HEPBURN WAS DUBBED. NATALIE WOOD WAS DUBBED. THIS DID NOT DETRACT FROM THE FACT THAT THEY WERE INCREDIBLE ACTRESSES. DUBBING IS AN ACCEPTABLE PRACTICE. LET’S BRING IT BACK. 

Seriously, I am so BEYOND done watching actors that cannot sing BUTCHER great scores. Emma was so autotuned, it was honestly cringeworthy-- wayyyyy too saccharine, way too overproduced. 

That said, Audra MacDonald was a VISION, as always, Josh Gad consistently impresses me as a vocalist/overall performer (and his upper register), Luke Evans was pitch-perfect and Emma Thompson’s rendition of “Beauty and the Beast” was absolutely everything it needed to be. Even Dan Stevens showed up with some vocal chops, but that brings me to another thing... 

COULD WE HAVE NOT JUST HAD HIM SING “IF I CAN’T LOVE HER” INSTEAD OF WHATEVER GODAWFUL POWER-BALLAD SOMEONE DECIDED WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO WRITE. 

Seriously... I had SUCH HIGH HOPES that they would at least carry over the Beast’s songs from the Broadway show, because of all the songs they added into the stage adaptation, I thought those added the most to the story and gave some much needed dimension to the Beast’s character, with some introspective moments that were missing from the original film. 

Instead (I’m assuming for the purpose of making people buy the new soundtrack), they wrote an utterly CRINGEWORTHY song that was musically cheap and lyrically terrible. I am getting so tired of saying this EVERY TIME a new movie musical adaptation comes out, but producers keep doing it and it irks me. So here (for the umpteenth time) is a PRO-TIP: When you have SO MUCH fantastic source material ALREADY out there, JUST USE IT. DON’T WRITE NEW STUFF. JUST USE WHAT’S ALREADY THERE. 

So in the meantime, I’ll just be over here cry/yelling in frustration about never getting to hear Dan Stevens sing “LET THE WORLD BE DONE WITH MEEEEEEEE!” 

They also lost WAY too much of the original scoring in favor of scoring that was just, well... BLAH. Really missed the original scoring during the scene in the West Wing when Belle finds the rose, in particular. [ALSO... they somehow managed to take like... ALL of the dramatic tension/sense of danger out of that scene. I don’t understand how that was possible, but they did it.]

HOWEVER, I was delightfully surprised to hear “Home” backing a few scenes throughout... I do like that song from the Broadway show, and while I had no desire whatsoever to hear Emma sing it, I’m happy that musical moment made it in somehow. 

FINALLY, whatever GOD-AWFUL song they had Celine Dion sing at the end just needs to never be heard by human ears again. But Ariana Grande and John Legend sounded pretty good. 

LAST THOUGHTS: 

Would never have thought I’d be attracted to Dan Stevens all dolled up in ostentatious French facepaint, but whoops, I was wrong. 

Shoutout to Hattie Morahan for being delightfully creepy and gorgeous as the Enchantress (also, SENSE AND SENSIBILITY FEELS with Edward/Elinor in the same frame!) 

To sum it up, though: Stanley Tucci remains one of my favorite things on God’s green earth, and I just want to be Emma Thompson when I grow up.