#i developed basiaclly everything else about a superiority complex except for the one bit i was looking out for.
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ive nerfed myself
#personal#i dont actually believe anything about my own self worth and i turn to others to validate it thats not good! fuckin hell#me realizing i was so caught up in making sure i didnt develop an ego and start believing im better than everyone else that i didnt notice#i developed basiaclly everything else about a superiority complex except for the one bit i was looking out for.#i need to be given proof and achievements that say im really good at things and to NOT LOSE TO OTHERS. or else im worthless. and i get#jealous very easily#theres nothing wrong with a friend being better than me at something!!!! im proud of them!! im happy for them!! i dont need to be MISERABLE#but#i am upset that a friend beat me in a little word game and was like 'do i get to hold this over your head' no i feel like i should die rn#its bad enough that im not perfect dont humiliate me for it#but i mean. its not like she was doing smn actively wrong she didnt know. but also im upset with her for other reasons so she wont know
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