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gothcsz · 13 days

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𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒆 / Interlude.

GIFs by uuuhshiny

PAIRING: Javier Peña x Original Female Character

SUMMARY: Flashback to the first erotic phone call between our favorite couple.

WORD COUNT: ~5k

RATING: 18+ Minors DNI.

TAGS: more phone sex to satiate our horniness, dirty talk is a given, masturbation (f&m), porn with feelings, lots of terms of endearment, javi thinks she's really pretty and perfect, fluff at the end because these two are in love and it sickens me (in the best way possible), you don't really need to read the main fic to enjoy this, if there's typos/grammatical errors just pretend that there's not, other things that i'm probably forgetting.

A/N: okay, listen, i couldn't help myself from writing this because it was living in my head rent free since i mentioned it in a previous chapter. this takes place between chapters 15 and 16 here on tumblr (17 and 18 on ao3 bc they don't match up, sadly) so, um, yeah 🙃 idk when the next real part of this will be out... but just know blood, sweat, and TEARS are being poured into it. lol anywho, my thoroughfare baddies, i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it 🖤 and alliigator tears by beyoncé definitely fits them like a glove. as always feel free to drop any type of feedback/support on this blog or ao3. i'd really appreciate it <3

♰ read on ao3. ♰

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Javier leans back against the sticky leather of his couch, the phone pressed against his ear, his voice low and teasing. “So, is this the part where I’m supposed to ask what you’re wearing?”

Her soft giggle floats through the receiver, and he can almost see her biting her lip, playful yet coy. She shifts on her bed, the soft rustling of her sheets barely audible. “You can if you want,” she flirts, “but m’afraid you might be a little disappointed by my answer.”

He chuckles, “I doubt that. You could be wearing a potato sack, and I’d still think you’re the most beautiful girl to ever walk this godforsaken planet.” He’s anything if sincere and it makes her cheeks flush.

She toys with the cord of the phone, fingers tracing the spiral absentmindedly as she tries (and fails) to suppress the smile spreading across her face. “Y’know, Marilyn Monroe did that once,” she informs, leaning back into her pillows. “Just to prove a point.”

“Yeah?” he questions, taking a sip from his beer, “And what point was she trying to make?”

“That she looked good in anythin’.”

“Seems like you two have that in common, then.”

Her laugh is magnitzing, drawing him in. “That’s like, one of the best compliments you can give to a girl.”

“Being compared to Marilyn Monroe? Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Well I’ll tell you right now— you run laps around her.”

Her blush deepens, staring up at the ceiling in a futile attempt to calm the butterflies fluttering wildly in her stomach.

“Oh, stop it.” He always makes her feel like she’s crushing for the very first time.

The soft hum of the phone line hangs between them, a balm against the ache of being apart. Talking over the phone just isn’t enough anymore. Not after tasting each other, not after knowing what it feels like to reach euphoria together.

It’s become almost unbearable to stay away, more difficult than ever before.

He can almost feel the heat of her skin, the way her chest rises and falls with each breath. He imagines her sprawled out on her bed, hair fanned out like a halo, lips parted just so.

“Just saying how it is.”

Her hand tightens around the receiver, heart pounding in her chest. She isn’t exactly sure how to navigate this type of call. She can sense it escalating it into more… naughty territory just by the way tension is building over the line.

It’s something she’s always been curious about, eager to explore, but she’s never had a boyfriend or lover who made her feel bold enough to try it.

And now she has one of the two who is more than willing to indulge.

“What about you?” she whispers in a sultry tone— an attempt to sound confident and not embarrassed. “What are you wearing?”

“Not much,” he admits, the shift in her voice enticing him, which in turn has blood pooling at her cheeks. “Sweatpants, a college t-shirt,” he pauses for a moment, “Thinking about you.”

She bites her lip, the image of him lounging comfortably in his space looking handsome as hell without trying, so close yet so far, sending a thrill through her. “I’m flattered… what exactly are you thinkin’ about?”

“How one of these days I’m going to be selfish enough to keep you in my bed all night. Treat you the way you deserve.” His cock stirs at his own imagination, memories of their date clouding his mind like a beautiful and welcomed storm. “I’m always thinking about you, sweet girl… every inch of you.”

She blinks rapidly. “Javi,” she breathes, “can’t say things like that. Makes it real hard to wanna stay in my own bed tonight.”

“That’s the point,” he replies lowly, using a seductive tone that sends shivers dancing down her spine. “If I didn’t give a fuck about your dad, I’d sneak over and climb your window to show you just how much I want you.”

“I mean… you could…” Her eyes flit over to the open window of her bedroom, imagining his broad frame climbing through and taking her right here on her bed. Her thighs rub together.

“I don’t have a death wish.”

“Honey, dontcha think we’re past that by now?”

He smirks, taking another sip of his beer. “Not entirely in the clear.”

Right. And at the rate they’re going— he’ll never be.

Another bout of silence before he asks, “So… what are you wearing? Told you what I was sporting, it’s only fair that you return the favor.”

Her voice is soft, almost shy, as she answers, “Just a camisole and some sleep shorts.”

He paints a vivid picture of her in those simple clothes, clinging to her curves. It gets him hot all over. “You wearing any underwear?”

There’s a pause, her hesitation makes his pulse quicken. Then, her angelic whisper replies “... No.”

A grunt escapes his lips. “I just know you’re looking real cute right now laying in bed.”

Her lips curl into a small, mischievous smile, “Who said I was layin’ in bed? Could be on the couch… or in the kitchen…”

Javi chuckles knowingly. “You wouldn’t be speaking so freely if that were the case.”

She hums, the sound vibrating through the line, “Hmmm, I guess you’re right.”

Her fingers play with the delicate bow at the front of her camisole, a teasing thought crossing her mind. “There’s a bow tied to the front of my top,” she murmurs seductively, “If I undo it, my tits will spill out.”

A low growl rumbles in his chest. “What a fucking sight that’d be. They’re gorgeous.”

She chews on her lower lip, lightly tugging at the tied string, the tension in her body building. “Yeah?”

“Hell yeah,” words drip with intent. “Love feelin’ them in my hands. Wanna bite and lick all over them, mark them up. Know I’d be able to make you come just by playing with ‘em.”

Her thighs twitch instinctively, a wave of arousal washing over her. She can almost feel his hot breath against her skin, the way his teeth would graze the hardened nub of her nipple, his tongue swirling around the sensitive area before suckling it into his mouth. The image sends a jolt of pleasure straight to her core, her breath growing ragged.

His smirk is damn near audible as he hears her reaction over the line. “What’s wrong, baby? Wasn’t expecting that?”

She swallows hard, “You and that fucking mouth of yours, Javi.”

Another dark chuckle, words coming out in a low purr. “That’s not even the filthiest thing I could have said.”

Curiosity and arousal bubble within her. “What is, then?”

His voice drops even lower, “I’d latch right onto those pretty tits, querida. Fuck you with my fingers ‘til your pussy is crying for my cock.”

Her hand tightens around the phone, eyes fluttering closed as she lets the scenario he’s planted in her mind take over. The thought of his fingers inside her, stretching her, teasing her, making her lose control, is almost too much to bear.

“Wouldn’t take much— I promise you,” she tells him.

A satisfied laugh rings through the receiver. “Gotta build your tolerance up. It’d be too easy to just give you what you want every time.”

The faint thudding of her neglected clit is slowly but surely driving her crazy. She needs to touch herself, or hell, sneak out her damn self and drive to his place just to have him fuck her. “S’not very nice to torture me, cowboy.”

“I’m not torturing you, my spoiled girl,” he tilts his head, fingers drumming along the tattered fabric of the armrest, “It’s gonna make it that much better when I finally give you what you need. Gotta warm you up first. Tease you.”

She blows out a breath, heart skipping a beat as he calls her his spoiled girl. “You do enough of that by not doin’ a goddamn thing. So fuckin’ annoying.”

“I can say the same to you. Damn near half hard any time you’re around.”

She giggles and he smiles, “Does that mean you tug one out when I leave ya?”

“Sometimes… most of the time…”

“And now?” She asks a little boldly.

“With the direction this call is goin’ in, I was hoping we could indulge in that together.”

Her breathing picks up again and attuned as ever, he notices. “You ever done this before, palomita?”

She hesitates, her thumb tracing the curve of the phone. “No,” she admits, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “Not like this.”

There is a beat of silence, and then his soft, reassuring voice breaks her nervousness. “That’s okay, hermosa. I’ll talk you through it. Just listen to me, and I’ll take care of everything. I’ll take care of you.”

I’ll take care of you. His words are like a warm embrace, wrapping her in a sense of assurance. Her body tingles with curiosity, nerves, and growing desire. “Okay,” she whispers, her voice small but eager.

He hums, finishing off his beer and placing the empty bottle aside. “Now, I want you to do something for me. Pull the string on your top. Let your tits spill out, princesa.”

Her fingers tremble slightly as she tugs at the string, letting it fall open, pulling the fabric beneath her breasts. The cool air kisses her bare skin, making her shiver.

“Okay, they’re out.”

“So compliant. Me encanta.” He praises tenderly. “Fuck me, I wish I could see you right now. Bet you’re lookin’ good enough to eat.”

A soft whimper spills from her lips, the praise stirring something deep inside her. “Javi,” she breathes, body already aching for more and nothing has happened yet.

“Shhh, just keep listening, baby. Now, slide your shorts down. I want you laying there, all soft and naked, just for me.”

She follows his instructions again, mind swimming with ardor as she kicks off her shorts. She lays back against the pillows, her body exposed for whatever he’s about to throw at her. “Okay, they’re off.” She informs, coyly.

“There we go. Don’t be shy.” He hears it plain as day in her voice. He’s so used to her sharp tongue, her playful teasing when she’s strutting around town like she owns the place. But here, on the phone, she’s different— modest… compliant. He fucking loves that he can elicit this facet of her personality.

His large hand palms at his erection over the fabric of his sweatpants. “Doing so good. You ready to hear what I’d do to you if I was there?”

Her breath is ragged as she nods, realizing he can’t see her. “Yes,” she whispers.

“I’d kiss you slow at first,” he begins, “down that pretty neck of yours, taking my time, tasting your skin. Always so sweet. Like strawberries and honey all over.” He grunts, squeezing his dick, practically tasting what he’s just described on the tip of his tongue.

Her eyes flutter closed again, her body responding to his every word. Picturing him hovering above her, his lips grazing her neck… she can’t help but let her hand come down to grope her own breast, kneading the full, warm flesh with her free hand. “Oh…” an airy gasp tumbles from her.

“You touchin’ yourself, palomita.”

“Mhm.”

“And when did I give you permission to do that?”

Her eyes snap open, “I-I—”

“It’s okay, I’ll let it slide this time,” he licks across his teeth and she shudders.

This time. Will there be more times? God, please let there be more times.

“What are you touchin’ on?”

“My tits.”

He groans, squeezing his cock, “Fuckin’ perfect. Could spend hours between them. I’d suck those pretty nipples into my mouth, just the way you like.”

Her body arches as if his mouth were already on her. She moans his name and he revels in it, “It feels so good… just hearing you.”

“I know it does,” he says, a cocky smile in his voice. “ I love hearing all your sweet noises. Making me so proud, cariño. Reward yourself by rubbing your clit.”

His words make her bolder, her inhibitions slipping away as lust takes over. “I wish you were here so bad,” she whines, manicured fingers moving down her toned body until they’re between her legs and she spreads her thighs, exposing herself.

When she reaches her clit, her eyes widen at how wet she is— almost not believing how worked up he’s able to get her. Her tone grows needier as she begins to rub wide, slow circles against her sensitive pearl. “I wanna feel you inside me, Javi. Want you to make love to me.”

His breath shudders, the tenderness in her voice slicing through the heated tension. Make love. The words hit him in a way he’s never felt before. He can’t remember the last time someone asked for that— hell, he doesn’t think he’s ever done it. Not with Lorraine, not with Helena, not with anyone. He’s always been about the rough, fast release, the urgency of a quick fuck.

Slowing down, savoring each moment? It never seemed like his thing.

Too intimate.

But now, with Paloma’s soft moans in his ear as she touches herself under his guidance, it’s different. She’s saying his name like it’s sacred, begging him not just to fuck her, but to make love to her. And for the first time, the idea makes him want to lose control in the gentlest way possible.

What a sight she must be sprawled out with her hand between her thighs. “Fuck, I’d love nothing more. You’d feel so damn good wrapped around my dick. I’d go slow. Let you feel every inch of me stretching out your tight cunt, chiquita.”

She mewls, clenching around nothing and slowly picking up the pace with her fingers, smearing her sticky arousal around her pussy, spreading her folds and massaging her labia. “No one’s ever made me feel the way you do, honey. I’ve never wanted anyone like this.”

Her words hit him like a shot of adrenaline, stroking his ego. It drives him wild. “Don’t tell me that,” he growls, his voice strained. “Not when I can’t do anything about it.”

His head falls back against the couch, his teeth gritting as he forces himself to slow down, schooling his hand movements so he doesn’t come so soon. That’s how much power she has over him— how much she gets under his skin in the best way possible.

And it’s killing him that she’s not here, that he can’t reach out and feel her, make good on all the promises in his head and on his tongue.

“You’re everything, Paloma. I’d make you feel like the only woman in the world because that’s what you are to me.”

Her chest tightens, lust and emotion wracking against her ribcage. “You’re the best I’ve ever had,” she admits shakily, words laden with sincerity. And I’ve only fucked him twice!

He lets out a low groan, finally pulling his cock out from the restricting fabric and he pumps slowly, tightening his fist around the heated skin as precome squirts out from his slit. “Damn, palomita. You don’t know what you’re doin’ to me. You’re so perfect. Everything about you is perfect.”

Her confidence soars at his words, body humming. “I’d do anything for you.”

“You don’t have to do a thing but be yourself,” He says this so sincerely, it’s almost painful. “You’re already everything I need, nena. Just you, laying there, listening to me… that’s all I want. Still touchin’ on that pretty pussy?” Just asking her has his shaft twitching in his calloused palm.

The intimacy of his words makes her feel cherished and adored in a way she had never felt before, yet the crudeness of his question makes her feel sexy and desired.

“Y-Yeah.”

“She wet?”

“You know she is.”

“Suck and spit on your fingers then, fuck—” he cuts himself off with a groan, adjusting the phone to rest between his shoulder and ear to bring his hand down to cradle his balls while he picks up the pace at which he’s fucking his fist, “put two inside. Slowly. I want to hear you spit on them.”

She can only assume that he’s also touching himself, and envy curls in her belly— jealous of his hand for being able to have him in a way that she hasn’t yet.

Her skin prickles as she obeys, her digits messy as they slide up to her mouth. She licks them deliberately, exaggerating the motion so he can hear the wet suction of her lips around her fingers before she spits and some of it dribbles down her hand. The sound is shameless, and it earns her a sharp curse in Spanish from him.

“Dios mío...” His voice is ragged, barely holding on to control. “I want you to spit on my cock like that when I fuck your throat, corazón.”

“Oh my god,” her back bends as she sinks two of her fingers inside her cunt, and while it feels good— it’s nothing compared to how his had felt. So thick and full and calloused. “Javi,” feeling more comfortable, she continues, “I know you’ve got your cock in your hand,” another grunt from him and a ghost of a smirk haunts her plump lips, “Wanna hear you spit in your hand and wrap it around him. Can you do that for me?” She asks, oh so sweetly, almost echoing his words to a T.

He almost comes then and there, that lilt in her tone and the presumable pout on her lips making him feel like he’s dreaming.

He can envision her looking up at him through those thick lashes of hers, mouth parted while his heavy cock hovers over her face. “‘Course baby. Anything for you.”

He brings his palm to his mouth, spitting into it obscenely, and the sound earns a quiet, satisfied sigh from her. The added wetness makes it easier for him to stroke himself, his grip tightening as he imagines her lips around him. “Add another finger,” he demands, “Know you can take it. Just how you take this dick, babygirl.”

Her ring finger joins her pointer and middle, a slight burn comes with the stretch, the pad of her thumb grazing her clit and it makes her hips buck upwards, breasts swaying with the movement and she almost lets the receiver slip from her grasp. “Oh honey, this feels fuckin’ amazin’.”

“The things I’d do to be there with you. Wouldn’t even touch you. Just stand there watching as those pretty fingers get swallowed by that tight pussy.” She gasps, curling her fingers and just barely brushing up against that soft spot that makes stars dance in her eyes. The spot he so easily finds and pleasures as if it’s nothing. Like a fucking expert.

“Turn over. On your stomach,” he instructs, twisting his wrist and shuddering at how good the motion feels on his dick. “Put that fine ass in the air.”

She’s dizzy, his instruction almost muddled from the pleasure she feels by fingering herself. She pulls her digits out, core aching from the sudden emptiness.

She lets the phone slip from her grasp, shuffling onto her stomach, her knees trembling as they dig into the mattress while her ass lifts into the air. The texture of her comforter brushing against her sensitive nipples makes her keen and he hears the faint whine over the crackle of the landline and that makes him dizzy.

She’s never gotten herself off like this before, and her nerves dissolve into excitement as she calls out for him again, phone tucked against her ear, one cheek pressed against the mattress, fingers eagerly awaiting further instruction.

“Put those fingers back inside, baby. I want you to pretend it’s me. Feel how tight you are, how badly your pussy needs me to fill her.”

She writhes under his command, cheeks flushed with arousal, as her hand moves between her legs once more. She slides three fingers inside again, her wet heat wrapping around them, hips instinctively rocking to meet her own touch. “Oh God, Javi,” she moans, quivering as she imagines it’s him, his cock stretching her, buried deep inside her completely.

“That’s it,” he growls, his own hand moving faster, jerking himself with the same intensity he imagines she’s giving herself. “Now bounce on them, pretend it’s my dick.”

She swivels her hips, keeping her wrist locked tight to keep her fingers upright as she begins to ride them in this position. It feels so good, better than anything she could have ever fucking imagined. “Oh jesus fuckin’ christ— Javier I’m not gonna last long, oh fuck—” her words taper off into a loud moan.

He chuckles, dark and husky. “Quiet down before your daddy hears you,” he warns, the thrill of being caught only adding to the fire between them.

She bites her lip hard, body trembling as she tries to keep the pleasure at bay, stifling the sounds that threaten to escape. The phone digs into her ear, his voice the only thing keeping her grounded in the storm of her own lust. “I can’t… it feels too good,” she whispers, breath ragged as her hips buck uncontrollably against her hand.

“I know, princesa,” he purrs, soothing yet commanding. “But you’ve gotta be quiet for me. You don’t want anyone knowing how dirty you’re bein’ right now, do you?”

She shakes her head, even though he can’t see, teeth sinking into her lip to keep her moans at bay. The phone slips slightly from her, resting inches away from her face, his voice still filling her ear as if he were right there with her.

“Wanna ride you so bad,” she’s so drunk off dick she’s getting through a phone call and lewd instructions, “Might not come close to any of your previous whores but I promise I’d make it worth your while.”

The second she says it, a flicker of insecurity tightens her chest. She doesn’t know where the jealousy comes from, but it’s there, bubbling up from the small pit of doubt she carries inside. Being with a man like Javier— someone who’s been engaged, lived a life so far removed from her small-town world, who knows his way around a woman’s body like second nature— it makes her feel out of her depth.

He’s been with women who’s entire job was to know exactly how to please a man. He’s so confident, so sure of himself, and here she is, fumbling through dirty talk over the phone, trying to measure up to whatever came before her.

How could a small-town girl like her ever compare? She bites her lip, feeling the weight of that doubt creep in, even in the middle of something so intimate.

But she says it anyway, wanting him to know. Wanting him to understand that despite her uncertainty, she’d give him everything.

“Not come close?” He scoffs, “fuckin’ crazy, palomita. You’re already lightyears better than any of ‘em.” He leans over, letting a string of spit fall onto the head of his cock before his fist returns to the quicker strokes he craves. Each movement is fueled by the mental image of her submitting to his every command. “I’d bend you over and pound into you so hard, you wouldn’t be able to think straight. I’d watch that sweet ass bounce back against me, see the way it moves with every thrust.”

His reassurance cuts through the lingering haze of her insecurities. The doubt fades away, replaced by a surge of raw desire. She moans, body rocking against the bed, imagining him behind her, his hands gripping her hips as he takes what he wants.

“Oh yes!” she gasps, her free hand finding her clit, fingers circling it in sync with the thrust of her other hand buried inside her. She’s desperate, moving faster, harder, matching the intensity of his voice in her ear. “I’d take you any way you want. Any way, just to feel you inside me again.”

He curses under his breath, large hand moving with a newfound urgency as he tries to prolong his own orgasm, wanting to hold on just long enough to hear her come undone first. “You’d let me fuck you from behind, wouldn’t you? Let me spank that pretty ass ‘til it’s red, leave my handprints all over your soft skin.”

“God, yes,” she cries, her body trembling with every thrust of her fingers. She feels the pressure building, the tight coil in her belly about to snap. “I’d take it all, Javi. I’d let you fuck me so hard. Scream ‘til my throat is raw, ‘til the only thing I know is your name.”

“You’d be so loud,” he grunts. “I’d have to cover your mouth to keep those pretty screams quiet, wouldn’t I? You’d be cryin’ for me, beggin’ me to stop, but you wouldn’t want me to. You’d love every second of it.”

Her body jerks at his words, digits moving faster as her climax approaches. “S’hard to keep quiet when I’m bein’ fucked by a cock so good. Need you to fill me up,” she gasps, her voice breaking as the pleasure overwhelms her. “Oh shit, I’m gonna come.”

He curses, his own body teetering on the edge as he imagines himself pumping her full of his cum, pulling his cock out and watching his spend drip down onto her pretty pussy. Fuck. “Go on, get yourself off,” he urges, his tone both commanding and tender. “Let me hear you fall apart. You’re doin’ so good for me. I wanna hear you come, palomita.”

With a final thrust of her fingers, her body shatters, her orgasm ripping through her as she mewls his name, her entire being convulsing, shuddering from head to toe. “Javier… oh my God,” she moans, barely contained, as she buries her face in the pillow to muffle the sound.

He lets out a low, primal growl as he follows her over the edge, his body tensing with his own release. “Fuck, Paloma,” he pants, milky spurts dripping over his knuckles, voice filled with both relief and satisfaction.

Hearing her name fall from his lips like that damn near takes her out.

“You’re perfect, baby. So fuckin’ perfect.” He babbles, trying to even out his breathing.

She lies there, her body utterly spent, her breath coming in stuttering gasps, the aftershocks of pleasure still coursing through her like soft waves.

“Jeez, that was…” She tries to find the words, but they seem to hang just beyond her reach. Heaven. She feels like she’s floating somewhere between realms, tethered only by the soft, steady tone of his voice.

“Yeah,” he breathes, understanding and satisfied. “You don’t even have to say it, nena. I know.” He pauses for a second, and she can almost hear the smile tugging at his lips. “Fuck, give me a second. I gotta clean up this mess I made.”

She giggles, a playful note in her voice as she bites down on her lower lip. She slowly pulls her fingers from her sensitive pussy, savoring the last of the sensation. She brings them to her lips, licking at them. “Take your time. I just cleaned my mess up.” The purposeful loud, wet pop of her lips around her fingers makes him groan in appreciation.

“Evil woman,” he mutters, leaving the phone by the couch as he rushes to clean up in the bathroom. The sounds of running water and his quick movements fill the background before he returns.

She turns to lie onto her back, stretching her limbs like a lounging cat while fixing her top.

“You there?”

“Mhm,” she hums, content and satisfied.

“You did so good, princesa,” he praises very pridefully. “Especially for your first time doing this. You were amazing.” His words are sincere, the tenderness unmistakable.

She feels a flutter in her chest, her heart skipping at the praise. Hearing how pleased he was makes her glow with pride. “Really?” she asks a bit bashfully.

“Really,” he confirms, the smile in his voice clear. “I knew you’d be amazing, but damn, you blew me away.”

She’s over the moon, her cheeks flushing with excitement. “I can’t wait to do it again,” she admits, her eagerness bubbling to the surface now that the initial nervousness has faded.

“We won’t have to just do this over the phone for much longer. We’ll have all the time in the world to do whatever we want together. No rushing, no holding back, no sneaking around.” There’s a warmth that coats his words, that speaks to more than just the physical side of their relationship. While the thought of tangling up with her in the comfort of his sheets sounds like fucking paradise, it’s not what he’s most eager for.

What he’s looking forward to, more than anything, is being able to walk hand-in-hand with her in the open, to take her out in public, proudly. To share with the world how happy she makes him, how proud he is to have such a remarkable woman by his side. Never one for public displays of affection before— he’s always been too guarded, too private— but with her, everything’s different. She’s shifting his perspective on so much, and though it unsettles him sometimes, he’s found he doesn’t mind the change. Not with her.

“Anything you want. Whether it’s in bed or out. You being content is all I care about.”

Her heart stirs, fluttering with emotion at the way he always puts her needs first, making sure she’s more than content. It’s that selflessness of his, the way he cares for her, that has her falling even harder. He always brushes it off, insisting he’s the opposite, but she sees through that. He’s good to her— so much more than he gives himself credit for.

“You make me feel so special,” she murmurs softly as she stares up at the ceiling, a dreamy smile playing on her lips. “It’s like you always know exactly what I need.”

“That’s because you are special, Paloma,” the sincerity of his words making her chest ache in the best way. “You deserve that and more. I just wanna make sure you’re always happy.”

She swallows hard, feeling the weight of what he’s saying. There’s no doubt in her mind anymore. She’s in love with him— completely. How could she not be? He’s everything she never knew she needed: protective, caring, and so damn thoughtful, even when he’s not trying to be. It’s like second nature to him.

He lets out a soft, almost bashful laugh, a sound so rare it makes her stomach tighten. “You just don’t know how lucky I am to have you.” There’s a vulnerability in his voice that catches even him by surprise. “I adore you so much.”

The openness in his confession after everything that’s just transpired between them, hits her like a wave. She’s used to the way he keeps his emotions guarded, but this side of Javier— the unguarded, raw version— is something new, something precious. Maybe it’s the clarity that comes after the release, or maybe it’s been simmering inside him for a while now, but he feels compelled to express it, to let her know how deeply she’s embedded herself in his life.

And it’s uncharacteristic for him, this kind of vulnerability. He’s always been the strong, silent type, the one who doesn’t talk about his feelings unless absolutely necessary. But her, in her gentle, unassuming way, has a way of bringing it out of him, coaxing him to show sides of himself he’s kept hidden for years. Just like he can draw out her vulnerability in sex, she shines a light on his softer edges, the parts of him that long to be known, to be seen.

“Now get some rest,” he continues, his words a tender caress. “I’ll see you soon.”

She blinks rapidly, her vision blurring as her eyes well up with unshed tears. There’s an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love swelling in her chest, making it hard to breathe for a moment. He’s not the kind of man to throw words around carelessly— when he says something like this, it holds weight, it means something.

A part of her, the cautious part that’s been guarding her heart, once would have hesitated, would have put up a wall to protect herself from getting hurt again. But there are no warning bells going off this time. No second-guessing that they’ve both crossed a threshold where they’re truly seeing each other for who they are— flaws and all. And it’s enough.

“And I adore you, Javi.” They’re not saying the word love just yet, but it’s there, nestled between the lines of their words. For now, this is enough. It works for them

“Goodnight, cowboy,” she adds with a soft smile, the familiar endearment laced with warmth and affection.

“Goodnight, palomita. Sweet dreams.”

They linger for a moment, neither one wanting to hang up just yet, their shallow breathing filling the line.

“Thank you… for everything,” she murmurs without really thinking, not just thanking him for tonight, but for proving to her that she was more than just another woman being used to exorcise his demons.

He lets out a soft snort, “If anyone should be thanking someone, it’s me to you, cariño,” he says, his voice gentle yet firm. “For giving me a second chance. I know I don’t deserve redemption, but I’d move heaven and earth for you. You know that, right?”

Her heart skips a beat, overwhelmed by his convinction. She knows, without a doubt, that he’s telling the truth. He’s already done enough to show his sincerity, and she feels that trust settling in her bones now.

There’s no hesitation. Just a quiet, steadfast belief that this— whatever they’re building— is real, and it’s good.

“I know, Javi. I know.”

And with that, they finally hang up, leaving both of them with a sense of newfound sense of peace. Hearts feels lighter, fuller, and as she lies back against the pillows, she can’t help but smile, knowing that with him, she’s found that something she’s always yearned for.

#javier pena smut #javier peña smut #javier pena fic #javier pena fanfic #javier peña fic #javier peña fanfiction #javier pena x ofc #javier peña x ofc #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction

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abeautylives · 6 months

Text

Times I Remember Well

(and Some That I Don’t)

Part 2

author’s note: The word "skivvies" means underwear. Apparently not everyone knows that lol

pairing: female!OCxjake

time frame: 2014-2016

word count: 7k this part

warnings: language, more teenage angst, illicit substance use, underage drinking, mentions of sex and sexual situations, fingering, angry Sam

I was serious when I said I couldn’t show my face at the Kiszka household for a while.

Sam showed up at my front door the next afternoon, and immediately started making fun of me for being rejected by his brother.

“Oh Joshy, why won’t you kiss me?!” Complete with immature kissy sounds and puppy dog eyes.

I could only wonder what Josh had told him happened. He wouldn’t tell me. Menace.

It was one thing to hang out with Sam so soon after the incident, but there was no way I could be around Josh. Or even Jake.

The more I thought about that night (which was a lot), the more I over-analyzed Jake’s reaction to his twin cozying up to me.

Was I crazy to think that he was mad at me? Or at Josh? The look on his face had been murderous (it got even more murdery every time I thought about it). Had I imagined that?

Because I’m the luckiest girl on earth, I didn’t have to wait that long to find out.

After three weeks of avoiding their house all together, Sam convinced me to come by for a smoke sesh in the garage. Same as always, the usual, totally casual. I knocked twice on the door and let myself in, sat on the old throw rug right next to Sam, joined the rotation with Danny on the couch across from me and Sam to my left. Around and round it went, while I refused to meet the eyes of anyone in the room but Sammy.

Jake sat upon his ugly floral throne and Josh was tucked into the corner of the couch beside him. I risked peeking up at them, back and forth, whenever I knew they weren’t paying attention.

They were so different. More different than I had ever realized, but Josh seemed okay - a little quiet but he smiled easily and laughed freely. I don’t think Jake even glanced in my direction once, but I was too scared to look at him for too long, so who knows.

Eventually, Sam smoked too much. He did this almost every time, you’d think he’d have figured it out by then. He laid himself flat out on the cement floor and dozed off, so I asked Danny to toss me one of the dingy throw pillows from the couch.

“Here, stupid.” I shoved Sam’s shoulder and he stirred enough to lift his head, I stuffed the pillow underneath it. He went out like a light.

Jake chose the moment Sam passed out to stand from the chair. He stayed there for a second, and I could see him from the corner of my eye. Just standing there, like a total weirdo! So yeah, I looked up at him. Don’t you worry, he was already looking down at me and our eyes locked. Of course they did.

His expression was pretty neutral but made me feel squirmy anyway, so I blinked and looked at Josh instead. You guessed it, he was already looking at me too! Except he’s perfectly lovely and sweet, so he grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

“Come grab some snacks with me, Tiny.”

Nope, Josh didn’t say that. I nearly snapped my neck jerking my head back up to Jake. “C’mon, T.”

When we were still in middle school, Sam and I would sometimes watch reruns of The Twilight Zone, have you ever seen that show? Each episode was a story about some seriously weird and disturbing shit, alternate realities.

This was like that. I had entered the Twilight Zone.

Josh was my only option for help, so I obviously looked over at Danny instead. He was melting into the couch again, lightweight.

“Let’s go.” This Jake was freaking me out. I mean, he didn’t talk to me much under normal circumstances, but he definitely never asked me to go anywhere with him. Let alone demanded it.

“Okay!” Once again, I embarrassed myself under this roof. My voice came out strained and squeaky. Let’s blame it on the dry mouth.

He skirted around the chair and out the side door, and my body just got up to follow him. Traitor! I stepped over Sam and before I made it to the door, Josh’s hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

“Hey, you okay?”

Ugh, he’s so perfect.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine but he’s being so weird, right?” Right?!

“He is. He’s been kinda weird for a couple weeks, even with me. But uh… Good luck in there, missed you around here.” He released his hold on my wrist and chuckled. Traitor!

My possible friendship with Josh was tenuous at best, but I was considering a forever type of silent treatment after this betrayal. I sucked a few deep breaths into my lungs before I walked into the house, and when I made it to the kitchen, Jake was leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. He hadn’t even pulled any snacks out. He lifted his eyes to me as I walked in, and did that flippy thing with the hair that always flopped over them.

“What’s up Biebs?” He hated that (he and Sam both did, it was great), and I knew he hated that, but he was getting on my nerves with his attention, with his demands. I could see the hate written all over his face, but I crossed the kitchen and leaned into the counter across from him. Then I matched his wide-legged stance, crossed my arms, and scowled. We stared at each other for a beat, my underarms started to sweat before he responded.

“Where have you been the last few weekends?”

What do you mean he’d noticed I hadn’t been here? Was he for real?

“Uhh, I’ve been around, I guess. What do you care?”

“You avoiding us, Tiny?” He adjusted his stance, straightening up to his full height (a whopping half inch taller than me - what is it with these guys?) but kept his arms across his chest. His hair had fallen back into his eyes and he flipped it away, and I just stared at him in silence. “Something happen the last time you were here?”

What do you know, dickhead?

“Like what, Jacob?” I smoothed out the scowl from between my eyebrows and batted my lashes at him. I’m so innocent! He did not like it. His arms dropped to his sides and he pushed himself away from the counter. In less than a second he was standing right in front of me. In a fraction of that, he had leaned in close, the tip of his nose nearly touching mine. I tried to back away, arching my back over the edge of the counter, but he moved in further.

Now my back was sweating.

“Did you fool around with my brother?”

Jesus. His question breezed over my lips and his words shot straight to my gut. It wasn’t like the soft caress of Josh’s voice asking what I was doing when I’d been begging him to kiss me. This wasn’t like that at all.

“Uh-“ Yeah yeah, I had to clear my throat. I think I stopped breathing. “Who? Sammy? Gross, dude.”

Deflect! Deflect!

“Did you fuck Josh, T?”

WHAT?!

I pushed him away from me. I couldn’t breathe!

“What the hell are you talking about, Jake? Of course I didn’t… do that!” I’d never done that, with anyone, had he lost his mind?

“Then why is he acting so weird? And why haven’t you been here since that night?” He really seemed surprised that I hadn’t fu- had sex with Josh on the couch in the garage. What kind of girl did he take me for?

“Ask him yourself, asshole!”

“I did! Multiple times! He won’t say shit and says you guys are just friends, but that doesn’t explain why you’ve been too chicken-shit to show your face!”

Why was he so close to me again? I put a palm squarely in the middle of his chest, ready to push his ass to the floor if I had to, but he wrapped his fingers around my wrist and squeezed. Kinda hard.

“My own brother won’t tell me the truth and it’s your fault.” He pushed my hand back into my own chest. “What did you do to him?”

I was truly at a loss for words, so I uttered a few that I honestly had never said to anyone before. Not even Sam.

“Fuck you, Jake.”

But he didn’t even move! His face sort of twisted up, like he was confused, but I don’t think I could have been any more clear.

“Grow up, Tiny.”

Ugh, when did he learn how to push all my buttons? “You grow up, and mind your own business you creep. What, are you jealous I kissed Josh and not you?”

You should’ve seen it, seriously. You had to be there. He sprung away from me like I’d electrocuted him.

“You are! Oh this is hilarious, you’re jealous.” I had to say it, the look on his face was a mixture of disgust and embarrassment. I couldn’t believe it. “Do you like me Jake? Huh? You wanna kiss me Jake?”

There’s no excuse for that one. I still don’t know why I said it. But then, ohhhh then, he rushed back into my space, wrapped both hands around the base of my skull, and slammed his lips against mine.

See? Luckiest girl on earth.

A lot of things happened in a span of a very few seconds.

The weight of his body pushed me into the counter pretty hard, but I barely registered the pain. My first reaction was obviously shock, confusion, but it quickly turned into acceptance and my lips went from stiff against his to soft and welcoming.

Yep. I kissed him back.

My hands flew up and wrapped around his wrists, and he actually gripped my hair. I gasped into the kiss and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He groaned, I moaned and-

“Seriously?!”

We bounced apart like the opposite poles of two magnets. Jake didn’t stop moving backwards until he hit the counter across from me.

“This is seriously fucked up, guys.” Sam stood in the doorway of the kitchen, eyes red and unfocused, but they landed on me. “Go home, T. I shouldn’t have even asked you to come here.”

Before I could argue or even get upset with him, he turned out of the room and was gone.

I was confused. Very confused. My heart was still beating erratically in my chest and my breaths didn’t feel right either. Of all the people on the planet, I had to look to Jake effing Kiszka for help.

“Jake…” My voice came out small, weak.

For a minute, he just shook his head. My vision went a little blurry.

I am not going to cry in front of another one of these idiots!

“Jake.” Stronger that time, better. “Why did you do that?”

“Why did you?”

“You kissed me first! I-“

“You liked it.”

No, no I did not. I loved it. There was enough potential that I could’ve been smitten with it.

“You’re disgusting.” As I found my voice, I also found some anger. That anger coerced my feet into action, and I found myself toe to toe with him again. I pushed a finger right into his chest, for good measure. “Don’t ever-“

I learned a few things that night. One thing was that Jake was a really terrible listener.

He didn’t grab me again, he didn’t crowd me or slam his mouth to mine. He just leaned forward and let his lips hover over mine. That shut me up real quick.

“You sure, T?” Ugh, he whispered. And it was sexy, and seductive.

Another thing I learned that night was that Jake was a real prick.

Because he whispered those words across my lips, wrapped his hands around my upper arms and spun us around, backed me into the counter…

And walked away.

With all that being said, that might have been the night I started falling for Jake Kiszka. But I don’t really remember.

Sam didn’t speak a word to me for six days.

He was really mad at me! Or at least I figured he was, since he sent me away and said I never should have been there to begin with. And he ignored all my texts. And calls. Shit, I even emailed him once.

I passed him in the halls at school all week, tried to catch his attention from a distance, watched him purposefully look past me, or through me each time.

I had really fucked up.

On the seventh day, he gave it a rest. A full week since incident #2, he texted me.

sammy: I’m sorry too

That was it. I had apologized a hundred unanswered times, pleaded with him to just talk to me, for a week. After so much silent treatment, I didn’t really know how to address it.

Me: my dad wants me to stay with him for the summer

That was true. My dad always wanted me to stay with him for the summer, but I usually chose to stay home and traded out the other, shorter holiday breaks with him. I hadn’t seriously been considering it, until incident #2.

sammy: In Traverse? Are you gonna go?

Me: yeah.

What did you expect me to say? I needed to get out of the bubble that was our town and away from all the testosterone. Granted, Traverse City is only like three hours away, but that was pretty far for a kid with no license.

Sam didn’t text me back. I was glad I was leaving.

School let out for the summer and my dad picked me up that weekend. Traverse City isn’t all that different from home, aside from triple the population. There’s plenty to do outdoors - beaches and trails - but my dad didn’t exactly provide the same kind of company as Sam.

When you’re running free with your best friend, the break never seems long enough. This was the longest summer I could remember, but by early July Sam and I were back on regular speaking terms. We texted all the time, and eventually accepted each other’s apologies.

But after not hearing from him at all before I left town, the first time he reached out was not all that fun.

sammy: Can I ask you a question

Me: shoot

sammy: Why did it have to be my brothers?

Me: …

Me: what do you mean

sammy: You could make out with ANYONE else

sammy: Why them?

So Josh did tell him something.

Me: Josh told you we kissed?

sammy: That’s not an answer.

The truth? You know the truth. I started crushing on Josh sometime between his bare chest at Fischer Hall and the skintight jeans with the peace sign patch on the ass that he started wearing later that summer.

But I still didn’t know what the hell had happened with Jake.

Me: i already said i was sorry sam. I. AM. SORRY.

Me: i really did like josh… he doesn’t like me back

Me: but i DID NOT KISS JAKE!!! He kissed ME and i have no clue why

Me: I DO NOT LIKE HIM, I HATE HIM

Look, I rarely lied to Sam. I had no reason to. But that text? That was a big fat lie.

How could I tell him that not only did I not hate Jake, I liked kissing Jake. I wanted to kiss Jake again. I wanted to learn how he did it, what his moves were, what made him-

No. Couldn’t tell baby brother all that. So I lied, and I avoided at all costs.

Back to the best of friends by August, Sam was waiting in my driveway the day my dad dropped me off. We spent the last week of the summer attached at the hip again, but I didn’t step foot in his house for a very long time.

The Friday after my eighteenth birthday, Sammy threw me a party. That I didn’t ask for.

I rarely hung out with him at his own house anymore, and if I did it was only when I knew for certain that Jake wasn’t home.

Josh and I had developed a sort of friendly relationship over the last couple years, stemming from a run-in at a movie theater. I was on a date (it went terribly), Josh was on a date (I asked him about it later and yes, that guy liked him back!), we fumbled awkwardly through hellos and introductions. He told me he missed seeing me around.

Those five words were enough to convince me that it would be okay to go to the house if he was there.

But not Jake. Never Jake.

So imagine my utter shock and horror when I knocked twice on the garage door, slipped underneath it, and found the room packed full of people.

“SURPRISE!!!”

Fuck me, right? No one likes surprise parties. I particularly hate them. Especially when I’m standing there like an idiot, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, taking in an unexpected mass of people and my stupid eyes lock on Jake stupid Kiszka.

And he smirked. Asshole.

“I’m not ready to leave you.”

Despite the garage full of our friends, I still ended up on Sam’s lap in the ugly chair, a little buzzed and kind of weepy. I tucked my face into his shoulder.

Don’t judge me. I’d already done a few hours worth of dancing, laughing and drinking. And avoiding the proverbial elephant in the room. It was exhausting.

He shrugged off my concerns. “When I’m famous, you can just drop out and come on tour with us.” He raised his beer up to me, so I tapped mine against it. Cheers to adulthood, I guess.

“You better get famous, you dick. Or even better, fail miserably and come live in Ann Arbor with me.”

In a month, I was graduating. It's not like I was leaving for college right away, but the reality of being eighteen was weighing on me. Sam’s reality was even heavier.

The fucking band was getting noticed. Being seen. What was I gonna do if they took off, if he left me and Michigan behind?

“Cheer up, T. This is supposed to be a party.” He squeezed me with the arm wrapped around my waist.

“Yeah yeah. I’m fine… I’m just gonna miss you.”

He was really great sometimes, my best friend. He reached down and sat his beer on the floor, then wrapped both arms around me. “I’ll miss you too, you know that.”

I let my eyes close for a minute and just enjoyed it, then sighed heavily against his neck. “Okay, sorry for the pity party. Let me up, I gotta pee.”

A few people were lingering in the kitchen when I made it into the house, they all raised their drinks and yelled happy birthday as I passed through. In the upstairs bathroom, I could hear when they filtered back outside, the house falling silent. I gave myself a little pep talk in the mirror before I left.

Get it together, woman. Have a good time, enjoy the fucking summer. Grow. Up.

Good talk, I know.

When I hit the bottom of the stairs, I heard the refrigerator open. As I turned into the kitchen, someone was still standing there, hidden by the door.

But I knew who it was.

The fridge door swung closed and there he was. And we were alone.

Not this shit again.

I wasn’t gonna do it, I wasn’t gonna do anything. I swear. But I kept moving to pass him and leave the room, and he stuck an arm out and stopped me in my tracks.

“Just let me go, Jake.” See? I had zero interest in this! I didn’t even look at him. Ya know, until he physically turned my body to face him. He had the nerve to smile.

“Happy birthday, T.” Thank God he didn’t whisper it, he was so good at whispering.

“Yeah, thanks. See ya.” I tried to leave again, but he put both hands on me and kept me facing him, toe to toe. Another showdown in the Kiszka kitchen.

“Don’t be like that.”

Oh, how I hated him in that moment. Everything came back, the confusion, the anger I felt the last time we’d been here. When he basically accused me of being a slut right before accusing me of wanting him. And being right about it.

I shook his hands off my arms and took a step back. “No. No, I’m not doing this again.” I turned to leave again, and he caught me by the wrist.

“What are you talk-“

“Stop! Don’t pretend you don’t know!”

“Tiny, I really-“

“Don’t call me that, and don’t act like you don’t know exactly why I have avoided you for two fucking years.”

Maybe it was my expression, or maybe it was the tone of my voice, I’ll never know but he dropped my wrist and actually managed to look guilty.

“Exactly. Bye, Jake.”

I made it to the doorway. If I had just been moving faster, I would’ve missed it and probably never experienced what happened next.

“I’m sorry.”

There’s no way I’d heard that right. It spun me around where I stood.

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry, about that night.”

I waited for the ground to open up and swallow us, or a meteor to blast through the ceiling. Surely the world was ending. Nothing happened.

“Really. What exactly are you sorry for, hm? Why exactly do you think I hate you?”

“You hate me?” I’m sure you can imagine, but yes, he had the audacity to look surprised by that information. It pissed me off.

“Get real, Jake.” I moved closer. “Get fucking real. Tell me what you’re apologizing for, go ahead. What part of that night are you sorry for?” By the time I was done, I was all up in his space and he looked uncomfortable.

Good.

“I’m sorry I accused you of sleeping with Josh.”

The big bad anger deflated, but only a little. I really hadn’t expected him to acknowledge that.

“You accused a sixteen year old virgin of fucking your brother on a dirty couch in your garage.” He literally cringed. I get it, it sounded bad. Because it was.

“That was really shitty of me-“

“You think?!”

“Let me finish,” His hands were on me again, wrapped around my upper arms. “Please.”

All I could do was nod. That please is what did it. He really seemed to feel bad, and I was believing it.

“I said that out of anger, T. I knew something happened out there, and Josh was all fucked up about it after. He wouldn’t talk to me, and he tells me everything.” My shoulders shook with the force of that word. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

My mind was reeling, grasping for the meaning he intended. I shook my head.

“We’re twins, we don’t have secrets. I thought you either forced him to do something he didn’t want to, or you… were mean to him. Judged him.”

It dawned on me, clear as day.

“You knew.”

He tipped his chin and nodded, just once.

“I don’t- then what about the rest? I called you jealous, but it had nothing to do with that. But you were!”

He nodded again. My resolve crumbled.

“Why did you kiss me?” I whispered it, but I wasn’t trying to be sexy, or seductive.

“Because I was jealous. And I wanted to.”

Gulp.

“I’m really sorry that I hurt your feelings. I never wanted you to hate me.”

“What did you want?”

As you can imagine, that question sealed my fate.

“Just you.”

My back was against the refrigerator before he even finished breathing the words. This time, there was no moment of shock, I wasn’t confused, and my lips were not stiff.

His hands slid up my arms and into my hair, and he tilted my head. My mouth opened for him, and I gripped the front of his t-shirt for dear life.

Remember when I told you that by sixteen, I had kissed plenty? That was true. By eighteen, I’d kissed plenty more.

But this kiss was going to ruin me, and I knew it.

He let a hand slip from my hair and ran it down the length of my body, past my shoulder, over my ribs and the small of my waist, then he tucked it between me and the fridge and flattened it to my lower back. And pulled my hips into his.

Oh my god. He did want me, I could feel the evidence of that pressed against me.

“Jake.” I broke the kiss but his lips kept moving, he tilted my head further and ran kisses over my cheek, my jaw. “Jake.”

“Mm?” His hips ground into mine, he didn’t take his lips off of me.

“What- fuck, what are we doing?” My hands flattened against his chest and pushed, just a little, and he finally lifted his face.

His breath was coming quickly, I could feel it under my palms. “What do you wanna do, T?”

My brain raced toward an answer, past all the reasons we shouldn’t do what I wanted to do. There’s still a party going on in the garage, Sam is waiting there for me to come back from the bathroom, this is a bad idea, this is Jake, Sam may never forgive me for this.

“Can we- should we… go somewhere else?” Yeah, that’s what my brain landed on.

“You sure?” The memory of that same question, two years ago, rushed in and I knew that if he walked away from me this time, I would never get over it.

“I’m sure.”

He didn’t stop to reconsider or question my decision, just took my hand and led me back to the stairs. We rushed to the second floor, not leaving time to second guess or re-evaluate. He practically dragged me into his room, slammed the door behind us and locked it.

I didn’t bother looking around, it was dark anyway but I didn’t want to think too hard about what was happening. I just let him push me towards a bed and fell into it. He tore his shirt over his head and covered my body and mouth with his.

My legs opened and he settled between them, immediately grinding into me. This was happening, and it was happening fast. Our mouths were securely attached, so I wriggled beneath him, tugging the hem of my shirt up. As soon as he caught on to what I was doing he took over the task, sliding a hand up under my shirt and touching my bare skin for the first time.

“Fucking hell, T.” God, his voice was ragged, he was literally panting as he leaned back to use both hands, spreading his palms over my stomach, my ribcage, skimming over the sides of my breasts and up until my shirt was over my head and thrown to the floor.

For a minute we just stared at each other, our heavy breathing the only sound in the room.

He had changed so little and so much in the last two years. Physically, his hair had grown long, hanging to his shoulders instead of flipping across his forehead. His cockiness had transformed into confidence, and his actions up to this moment had been firm and self-assured. As we took each other in, I wondered what changes he saw in me.

Did he see a woman that night, pinned to his mattress by his eyes? At sixteen, I’d tried so hard to convince all of them that I was grown - could he see the ways that I had?

“You’re so fucking hot.” Okay, yeah it wasn’t poetry or anything, but his words pulsed through my bloodstream and settled between my thighs. Something like a whine slipped from the back of my throat, and suddenly we were moving in fast motion. He covered me again, but his kiss landed on my jaw, then below my ear, then the base of my throat. As it passed my collarbone I tangled my hands into his hair. He’d propped himself up on an elbow and the other hand slid up my ribs again then covered my breast.

I wish I could remember what my bra even looked like that night, but it hadn’t seemed like he cared.

He squeezed me softly, I moaned, he squeezed harder. Then his fingers tugged the top of the cup down, and for the first time, a part of me was truly naked in front of Jake Kiszka.

There was only a fleeting moment where he lifted his head and looked at my chest, bared to him, my nipple already hard and aching for his attention - then he dropped his mouth over it and sucked it in.

My back arched off the bed and he sucked me in deeper, his tongue swirling around my nipple before he softly put his teeth on it.

“Yes.” I hardly recognized my own voice, but he must have recognized the need or the urgency in it, because he applied just a tiny bit of pressure, and bit me. “Yes!”

His head popped up and his eyes met mine. “Fuck, you liked that?”

Was that weird? Was I not supposed to? I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded. It prompted him to pull the other side of my bra down and treat my other nipple to the same affection, so I guessed it was the right answer.

We were writhing together, friction between our hips and my hands holding his head to my chest until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Jake, kiss me, please…”

Somewhere along the line, he’d become a better listener. His lips slotted over mine and he kissed me deeply, I felt it everywhere. Until his hand started fumbling with the button of my jeans. It popped open and he slid the zipper down. Just as his fingers danced over the edge of my underwear, he paused.

Against my mouth he whispered, “Yes?”

I nodded frantically, breaking the kiss.

“Say it, T.”

“Yes.”

Fingers slid over cotton and tucked themselves between my legs, and my entire body shuddered. He dropped his gaze to where he was touching me as he pressed them into me and slid them up my center, catching on my clit. I jolted at the contact.

“Jesus Christ.”

Had I surprised him? Done something wrong? Why was he pulling his hand away- oh.

His hand slipped out of my jeans only long enough to slide under the waist of my panties, then it disappeared inside them.

Jake Kiszka had his fingers on my actual, bare-

You get it.

Again, they pressed into me and then through me, I could feel the way my body offered no resistance, slick and easy.

“You- you’re so…” His voice trailed off, but I needed to know. What was I? What was he thinking?

“What, Jake?” I sounded breathy, my voice coming out shaky and quiet. He looked up into my eyes.

“You’re so wet.” He sounded stunned, awe lacing his tone.

My throat closed, I swallowed hard. Embarrassment made my chest hot and I opened my mouth to say something. I’m sorry? But my mouth snapped shut because he moved his fingers through the wetness again and groaned, deep and low, before tracing up to my clit again and circling it.

He continued to watch my face, I think. I’m not sure, because my eyes slammed shut as my body bowed into the feeling, but it seemed like he was watching all of my reactions closely. I’m sure he saw my face drop when his fingers left my clit, only to see my jaw fall open when one moved lower and pushed inside me slowly.

Inside. Me. My eyes shot open and found him staring at me, nostrils flared.

“Relax, T. You’re so tight.”

Was that bad? I pulled a deep breath into my lungs, in through my nose and out through trembling lips. Tried my hardest to relax every muscle, but I was wound so tight I felt like I would implode.

I must have done something right, because his finger slid deeper and he murmured the worst thing I’d ever heard.

“That’s good, good girl.”

In hindsight, I know he wasn’t even trying to be sexy. But my body tightened around his finger again and he started to withdraw it. I panicked, gripped his wrist and dug my nails in just as he pushed all the way inside.

“God!” I couldn’t help it, the invasion was overwhelming me.

“Shhh, I’ve got you.” He was pumping it inside me now. “Tell me what you want.” Focus made his features look so serious, but his voice was calm and coaxing. I had no fucking clue what to say.

So I said the first thing that popped into my head.

“More.” He smiled, his mouth curling up at the corners. I felt him withdraw his finger all the way, gasped as he swirled two over my clit, then entered me again with both.

“Jesus, you’re so tight, you feel so good.”

So good, so good. That’s good. I let myself relax into his touch and within a few seconds my hips were moving in time with his fingers. My bottom lip was held tight between my teeth as I tried not to let any of the sounds building in my throat escape. He noticed.

His face came close, he pecked a kiss to my cheek then whispered into my ear. “Let me hear you, just be quiet.”

I really had no choice, because as soon as the words left his mouth, he pressed his thumb to my clit and plunged his fingers deep.

“Shit Jake, yes yes yes…”

Still next to my ear, he tucked his face into my neck and kissed me there before making his way back to my lips. His tongue swept out over my bottom lip and I opened to him, let him in. My eyes fluttered closed.

Then I felt it, a tightening, low in my belly. A tingling even lower. I don’t know what I did that signaled to him, but he knew.

“Are you gonna come for me?” He asked between kisses. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.

I didn’t have to. All it took was a few more pumps of his fingers, a couple circles with his thumb, and I had my first orgasm.

Trust me when I tell you, it was a doozy.

My entire body tensed, my back arched and my mouth opened. Thank God I couldn’t hear myself over the buzz in my head because I’m sure the sound I made was mortifying, but it didn’t matter. As quickly as it had gripped me, it started to fade away. Things came back into focus and I felt Jake’s fingers softly moving in shallow strokes before they stopped and he pulled them from me.

“Wow.”

Who said that? Oh, it was Jake. I peeked up at him and his eyes were wide, almost black in the darkness. Then he pulled his hand from my pants and stood up so quickly, I was sure I’d done something wrong. I shot up to sit and had barely planted my feet on the floor when I heard his belt buckle clink. The shuffle of his shoes across the carpet as he toed them off his feet. The soft swish of denim falling down his legs and hitting the floor, more shuffling and he stepped out of his jeans.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

I didn’t even have time to truly panic, because he stepped back up to the bed and leaned down, kissing me briefly on the lips before using his hands to guide me backwards, laying across his bed again. He reached for the waist of my pants and, already undone, started to slide them off of my hips. I let him pull them down my legs until they got stuck at my shoes.

He chuckled. I giggled, nervously. He slipped my shoes off then tugged my jeans from my feet. I shifted and sat back up.

And there I was. Looking at Jake Kiszka in nothing but his skivvies and socks, and myself wearing much of the same. Except my tits were out, the cups of my bra pushing them up from underneath.

Jake must have sensed my nerves, because he asked me if I was still sure. I nodded and he demanded to hear it out loud.

“Yes.”

He turned to his nightstand, rummaged blindly through the drawer, and when he straightened he slipped his thumbs under the elastic waistband of his underwear.

Then they hit the floor.

And there I was. Looking at Jake Kiszka in nothing but his socks.

My cheeks exploded with heat and I was grateful that he couldn’t see me blushing in the dark, but I must have made a face, or a noise, because he was poised to tear open the condom wrapper and he stopped.

“Are you okay?”

Oh shit, what did I do?

“Um-“ Cleared my throat. “I- yeah. Yes. Sorry. I’ve just, never done this before.”

“Ha ha, T. For real, what’s wrong?”

Ha ha? I wasn’t laughing.

“Nothing. It’s fine, I just haven’t ever…” It trailed off, because there was something wrong with the way he was looking at me.

“Fuck. You gotta be kidding me.” Ouch.

His arms dropped to his sides, condom packet still between the first two fingers of his left hand. He flicked it away, it skimmed the surface of the nightstand and fell behind it.

No, no no no.

“What? What are you doing?” There it was, a little bit of that panic, finally allowed to bloom under my skin. He bent and stepped back into his boxer briefs and pulled them up. My own semi-nudity suddenly felt shameful, so I tugged the cups of my bra back up to cover my breasts. “Jake, I still want th-“

“No. I can’t, T. You’re still a virgin?”

Was I crazy, because I hadn’t seen anything wrong with that before this exact moment? He stepped back into his jeans and started pulling them up.

I reached out to stop him, a hand on his wrist. “Yeah, but who cares? It’s not that big of-“

“I care!” He ripped his arms away from me, pulled his pants up and fastened them. He continued as he started plucking my own clothes from the floor and shoving them into my shaking arms. “I can’t do that, I can’t be your first. I can’t fucking believe this.”

The first tear slipped and ran down my cheek, and I swiped it away, frustrated. “You’re overreacting, Jake. Why are you-“

He cut me off again. “How could you not tell me? What if I, if I had- God.”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to!” I jerked my shirt over my head and shoved my arms through the sleeves. “Why would you think I wasn’t?!” Pulled my jeans over my feet and up my legs.

“Because Sam told me!”

My fingers stopped buttoning my pants, my head jerked up. “What?!”

“Sam said he thought you were fucking that idiot you dated last year, when you weren’t coming around for like a month. He-“

“I’m gonna kill him. That’s it, I’m finally gonna actually kill him.”

Jake threw his arms up. “What was I supposed to think, T? With the way you were kissing me, and- and- you weren’t acting like a virgin!”

“Because you still think I’m some kind of slut, Jake? Is that it? Oh my God I’m so stupid.” I fastened my jeans and pulled my shoes on, then shoulder checked him on my way to the door.

It felt good, okay?

He was right behind me, forgetting his shoes and pulling his shirt on as he followed me down the stairs, but I didn’t stop. I bolted through the kitchen and outside, then into the garage.

A lot of people had left and I found Sam immediately, strewn across one end of the couch. He was probably crossfaded and ready to pass out, but he popped up as soon as he saw my face.

“Tiny, where have you been? What’s wrong-“ Jake stormed into the garage behind me, and even through hooded, bleary eyes, Sam put some pieces together. Or tried to.

I was trying desperately not to cry, and I’m sure I looked it. I could feel how kiss-swollen my lips were, and I guessed that Jake’s looked the same. Add in the fucked up bed hair, and then two tears that slipped free and ran down my face.

“What the fuck did you do..”

But Sam wasn’t talking to me. He was looking past me.

“What did you do?!”

The few of our friends that were left lingering in the garage were all staring at us.

“Party’s over! GET OUT!” I flinched. I’d never heard Sam yell, not in anger. Everyone jumped and hustled through the side door until we were alone, and Sam took one deep breath before speaking.

“T, come here, are you okay?”

I didn’t move, just nodded my head and wiped furiously at my cheeks. “Yes, I’m fine, I- I just wanted to tell you I was leaving.” He came to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

“What did you do?” I knew he was speaking to Jake, still standing silently behind me.

“Sam, I don’t know what you’re thinking but-“

“Why is she fucking crying?”

I broke free of his hold and stopped him. “Sam, it’s okay. I’m fine, I swear. I’m going home.” I grabbed my bag from the floor beside the couch and flung it over my shoulder, lifted the garage door and slipped out.

I didn’t stop running until I reached my driveway.

#greta van fleet #gvf #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet fic #gvf fic #greta van fleet smut #gvf smut #jake kiszka #jake gvf #greta van fleet fanfiction #sam kiszka #sam kiszka fic #sam kiszka fanfic #sam gvf

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feelingpoorly · 8 months

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Life lesson: avoid expired egg noodles

So I usually post whiny attention seeking shit like this on my insta bc even tho my kink does not apply to me at all, in some weird way complaining about how ill and knowing people would see it still kinda turns me on a little

But I figured what better place to whine about it here instead since, idk this is kinda what this blog is for

So we went to the shop last night and got a bunch of food from the reduced section. We do this fairly regularly cuz the expired food is so cheap and it’s usually fine if you eat it same day

Well I learnt my lesson lol. Amongst one of the things we got a couple packs of fresh egg noodles in some sauce. I didn’t really like them, but store bought is never gonna be as good as the real thing anyway right?

I was snacking on some cereal at like midnight, having eaten these noodles at like 7. I noticed that I was getting pretty severe stomach pain in the top of my stomach. It was weird and I didn’t really understand why. However I had taken some prescription painkillers earlier that day and although I take a different medication with them to try and stop this happening, they can have a habit of wrecking my stomach and giving me a tummy ache. I thought it was weird, since I definitely HAD remembered to take them with the other med this time, but whatever

Anyway I woke up this morning, we were going out to meet up with some of my partners friends for coffee. I immediately realised I felt bloated as hell, like painfully so. I figured it would pass once I was up and moving around.

It did not.

It pretty quickly progressed into pretty severe stomach cramps, to the point where every time I stood up, it would cramp so hard I couldn’t stop myself from kinda curling over and wincing. At that point I was starting to worry something was actually wrong and I wasn’t just a bit bloated.

I quite quickly started feeling pretty sick, and that’s panic territory for me, being emetophobic. I took a dissolvable anti sickness tablet, but the nausea combined with the horrible cramping made me feel very unwell. I really felt awful and sick and at that point I had to say to my partner, if I say I don’t feel well please can you just take me home. I didn’t know how I was gonna cope sitting in a coffee shop feeling like this. When the cramps hit I was in a lot of pain. Bearing in mind I live with chronic pain, I’m not a baby about pain, but this was the kind of pain that you just wince voluntarily and I couldn’t hide it.

Thankfully the anti sickness meds kicked in, and after sitting down for a while the nausea and the cramps settled down a bit to the point where I was no longer freaking out about being ill in public. I should probably add here that on the way there in the car, my stomach was making some really upset sounding deep rumbling gurgles. Like it didn’t sound good. The kinda gurgles that only come with being sick. I didn’t feel well enough to have a drink or anything to eat which probably looked a little suss. Later on a got just a bottle of lemonade hoping it would settle my stomach but when I sipped it, it just make it worse and my stomach started cramping again.

Skip to being home this evening, I’d thought the worse was over and I’d been feeling kinda ok. I had some light dinner, and what a fucking bad idea that was lol.

Im not having the intermittent intense cramps anymore but like, now my whole stomach feels bloated af again and I have like this sharp cramping pain kinda all over, both upper and lower stomach with just no relief. I’m so bloated my stomach is sticking out but there’s no relief from it at all. Holding my stomach helps but I feel so embarrassed so I’ve tried to hide it and only rub my tummy when my partner went to sleep.

What makes it worse, is that up until this point I had no idea what caused any of this. But when we got home, there was an absolutely rancid smell in the kitchen that smelt like off, rotting food. It was absolutely foul. It almost even smelt like vomit, and just smelling it made my nausea kick off all over again.

It was the leftover noodles. And let me tell you, they smelt pungent as FUCK. I literally ate those last night, and they smell that bad today? No wonder I’ve felt ill. I have that shit in my stomach. Even after my partner bagged up the leftovers, sealed it and put it in the bin, just the PLATE they were on is still emitting this foul smell, it’s just awful

Eating dinner was a bad choice, because now I just feel worse again. I don’t feel that sick anymore, probably because of the meds, but my stomach feels horrible again. I’m in so much pain, I can’t suck my tummy in at all with how sore and bloated and painful it is. I feel like an absolutely pathetic self indulgent lil bitch but I literally just went to make myself a hot water bottle to hold to my tummy as I try and sleep, because it hurts and this is not fun. I just want some relief, and currently nothing else is helping. As I’m lying here holding my tummy with one hand and holding the hot water bottle on it with the other, it’s gurgling and glugging really loudly sickly again and it just feels awful. I can literally feel it in my insides, and with the way it feels I just really hope it doesn’t all come back up again, probably still along with the undigested noodles from last night if the way I’m feeling is anything to go by 🥺

Anyway, I just came here to complain about it in way too much detail lmao. Hopefully someone enjoys my misery. As I said, although it’s embarrassing as hell, somehow the thought of other people knowing or being sympathetic etc is also kinda hot

If anyone wants to use my sorry ass as fic inspo then ofc you have my blessing lmao. In fact, if you do, PLEASE let me know as I’d love to read it haha

Anyway, off to moan quietly to myself and hold the hot water bottle on my aching tummy now x

#sickfic #emeto #emetophilia #emeto kink #sickfic ideas #sickfic prompt #emeto blog #sick #irl sickfic #food poisoning #irl tummy ache #tummy ache #irl emeto #emeto storytime

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xflippinfrogx · 1 year

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Birthday Traditions

A/N~ This is a gift to my favourite idiot, @theatre-enthusiast HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASH<3 Hope you like it!!!! Love ya 💕💕 ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~ FANDOM: Marauders

✨Just wanna say that this is based in an au where Sirius and Regulus escape to the potters together, just to make things easier for myself lol✨

LEE: Regulus

LER: Sirius ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“REGGIEEEEE COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU AREE!!”

Regulus, covered his mouth in attempt to muffle his panting. Why did Sirius have to be such a pain??

Ok, so that was a lie. Regulus was just extremely nervous excited for what was about to happen to him. See back when they were kids they had this tradition, every year on little Reggie’s birthday Sirius would play his favourite game. What game you might ask?

Sirius liked to call it “Tickle Monster” and the rules were that he was allowed to tickle Regulus for as many minutes as whatever age it was he turned. As the two got older the game stopped. Their parents were never fond of the supposed ruckus it caused and after a while Regulus decided to agree with them, only seeking their approval. Though he truly loved their little game, he asked Sirius to stop. He was ten the first year their game was left unplayed and it was the worst birthday he ever had. He cried a lot that night but he never told Sirius. After all it was childish to want something like that.. right? That was sort of the reason he was hiding from it now, not because he didn’t enjoy it but because of his pride.

He was 14 this year so obviously he was much too grown up for his brothers foolishness.. He definitely wasn’t secretly hoping his brother would find him. Nope. No way..

He was hidden in one of the guest bedrooms behind the wardrobe. Luckily James and his parents were out shopping for dinner, he was rather glad of that because it meant they wouldn’t see this embarrassing situation he was excited to spend some time with Sirius and get W R E C K E D. He doubted that his hiding spot was all that great and it wouldn’t be long until he was found but that was all part of the fun. It always played out in a similar way. Regulus would run and hide and Sirius would ALWAYS have “trouble” finding him, building up the anticipation. After a few minutes the door creaked open and in stepped Sirius, who for once in his life was being quiet. He crept in and slowly began to search the room talking lowly to Regulus, though he couldn’t see him yet. “Reggg.. c’mon we both know what’s going to happen here.” A foot sticking slightly out from the corner caught his eye and he inched closer. “You run, I catch you and tickle you silly so why don’t we just skip the hard part eh?” Regulus had to hold his breath trying to stay as silent as he could manage with the threat of tickling mere steps away from him. “Huh.. guess you’re not in here then.” Sirius smirked as he sauntered out of the room shutting the door behind him.

Regulus exhaled deeply as he formed a plan. If Sirius had come from the stairs he was probably going to check his room next. If he was quick enough he could make it downstairs and find a better spot..

He slid out from behind the wardrobe and bolted for the door silently turning the knob. No sooner was the door open Sirius lunged forward, grabbed Regulus and threw him over his shoulder. Regulus pounded his fists on his back but Sirius had always been stronger so there was no getting out of this.. not that he actually wanted too-

Sirius set him down on the bed pinning his arms beneath his knees so he had both of his hands to work with. “Now Regulus Arcturus Black, you have turned what age this year?” Sirius asked in a playfully formal tone. “Fohourteen,” he couldn’t help but giggle at his brothers ridiculousness.

“I see, now you already know the rules but we haven’t played in a while so let’s go over them, shall we?” He questioned, unrolling a pretend scroll.

“Rule one, NO SLAPPING, BITING, KICKING, PUNCHING OR HARMING OF THE TICKLE MONSTER!! Feel like that one needs to be drilled into your head.” He accentuated his words by placing fingers on his brothers temples and massaging gently. “Alrihight alright I gehet it!” Regulus wasn’t even holding back anymore. The whole situation was just so silly. “Rule two, I get to tickle you for fourteen minutes bla bla bla you know the rest.” He threw the non existent scroll away and pretended to think for a moment. “I think we’ll start right here and work our way up, what do you think birthday boy?” He asked squeezing the tops of his thighs. Regulus wasn’t able to speak, even if he could he would have no words so he just nodded weakly. And so, Sirius started the timer with his wand and the game commenced. Regulus had forgotten how ticklish he was and hadn’t expected to lose it this early in the game. Sirius hadn’t even been going thirty seconds and he was in fits laughing. Sirius of course knew that he could do better than that and moved to his waist. Regulus spasmed and bucked his hips cackling as Sirius kneeled his thumbs into the soft fleshy parts of his hips. Suddenly Sirius decided to switch spots to mix things up a little. He skipped sides because he didn’t want giggles he wanted to hear some real belly laughter. So that’s exactly where he went. He poked his brothers stomach sporadically and Regulus s c r e a m e d. “AHHHAAHHAHA SIRIUHUHUS NAHAHAHAHA!!!” “Meherlin Reg the neighbours will think I’m killing you!!” He laughed alongside his now frantic little brother. Regulus thrashed and squealed as Sirius tortured his stomach, fingers slipping back to his hips every so often. He alternated between different spots for the next few minutes wanting to get every where before his time ran out. Soon enough he was down to 60 seconds. “You know what that means don’t you little brother?” Sirius smiled menacingly as he pulled his shirt up slightly. “Sihiriuhus wahahait you dohont have to do thihis!!” Regulus shook his head and tried to shimmy his t-shirt back down. “Oh believe me Reggie, I do have too, it’s tradition after all.” With that he took in an enormous breath and blew the sloppiest raspberry on his brother’s stomach. Regulus had been laughing before but this was his tipping point. His laughter bellowed through the house and didn’t even stop when Sirius pulled away to take in another breath. Sirius, though he could be a menace, stuck to his word. The timer went off and he stopped, helping Regulus up. He laughed at how his hair stuck up from his thrashing but soon helped him fix it. They heard the key turn in the door and the Potters made their way inside, with James yelling for the two to come and look what they had bought. “Happy birthday Regulus.” He smiled punching his brothers arm lightly. He turned for the door but before he could leave Regulus stepped forward and hugged him.

“Thank you sirius.. for all of this.” He smiled up at him. He was so glad things were back to how they used to be. “No problem Reggie, now cmon let’s go help before James loses the plot!”

The two brothers spent the rest of the night with their new family and Regulus couldn’t have asked for a more perfect birthday.

#sfw tickle blog #sfw tickle #marauders tickle #Ler Sirius #Lee regulus #LYTTMATS means #drumroll please #…….#go listen to seven by Taylor swift👹#Happy birthday ash<33

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no0t2 · 5 months

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@checkadii

I literally just woke up so this is the worst time to post this but ngl I have this problem where I wanna talk about it but I blank so fucking hard and fall flat on my face that I end up not talking about it anyway out of sheer embarrassment.

I'm not good at structuring my thoughts properly either because of ADHD, but here goes I guess.

I usually gotta segway into the topic if it's relevant to the conversation usually via,, friend convo, I don't know how people do deepdives of characters and whatnot I can't do that. I'm not sure why that is, this always has been a thing for me where I've got some level of understanding and my own HCs and such but they're not written or anything, so I can't express them.

To me Postal is just a silly series (minus P1 and Redux), not to be taken too seriously. So I don't really think about the "lore" that it has so much. I can ramble about Postal: Brain Damaged tho, that's probably my favourite cos of gameplay... And the designs as well as the soundtrack. It's just such a good game, I never thought shooters would ever be a genre I'd like to play, as I was so against playing them (thanks Half-Life for opening up my eyes). I can say definitely with confidence that retro styled FPS are especially something I find fun? Not on intense difficulty or anything either, I usually can't go above normal.

I've listened to "Straight Outta Suburbia" for like over an hour straight, I'm pretty sure even during while I was drawing one of my BD sketches lol

Back to Postal in general, I frankly haven't done enough "research" on it where I can properly speak about it aside from the games I've played (P1, P2, Paradise Lost and P:BD) And they're all games that are super different from each other (aside from P2 and PL, but even then). I'd also say I'm still pretty new to the series, speaking as I haven't played all of the games yet. Frankly, I was planning to just stick to P2 and that's it, glad I didn't.

Postal 1 I remember making me feel all sorts of weird things when I both played it and after I finished it. The load up intro scared the shit out of me the first time I opened the game, to where I had to pause for a minute. And it kept spooking me each time I did open it. I think that was kinda the point of the game as it's pretty dark compared to it's counterparts. I won't get into the lore of the 1st Dude cos I've seen people pluck at each other's feathers over the interpretation of him. But essentially, guy looses his shit during an episode, starts killing everyone. (Or just, "hostiles", depends how you play the game.)

P2 is so wildly different (aside from the fact that you can shoot people) that when I first opened it I was so confused how I was met with THAT Dude. I was surprised to hear him talk more beyond than just "BLEED" or "Only my weapon understands me". At the time I was also wrangling personal fears and feelings(which I don't know if I wanna get into, let alone if people would even wanna hear it lol) over playing the Postal series, so my initial expectation towards the game was:

"Okay, I know this is going to have some offensive shit in it, there's parts that won't be fun probably." And hoped for the worst, surprisingly a lot of the stuff in it I didn't find that bad, most of it is definitely fucked up, but nothing I couldn't handle, surprisingly. I played neutral-y, so I only attacked whoever attacked me, but I'd bail if I had the chance.

Paradise Lost plays similarly to Postal 2 (as it's literally the same branch of game just in the form of DLC). But I've found myself enjoying it way more than Postal 2, mostly cuz I found some of the jokes in it actually funny.

P3 I haven't played because I got rick rolled by RWS on the website so I'm not gonna play it out of spite </33 (But I've seen gameplay)

Postal: Brain Damaged is like, even more different than the previous entries as it's a retro styled shooter. But it has the charm of a Postal game and MAN is it good, I think the fact that it was released more recently is what made me enjoy its humor more. And it just!! Is so fun in general like wow, I'm still processing playing the game and I've already been thinking of replaying it because of how much I've enjoyed it. Definitely recommend trying it out.

AND WOWWW this has gotten long oops. Sorry.

I wanna note tho that, although there are aspects of Postal I enjoy, there's a lot of them that I don't, namely the offensive bits, some of them are genuinely fucked up where I can't go past them even in a comedic sense. Which I think is OK. I still enjoy other parts of it :^]

#this is such a long ramble I'm soo sorry #There might be typos dnhdhw #I'm not maintagging this do not perceive me #nines rambles #<- LITERALLY

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serendipnpipity · 7 months

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#WADGALA Meetup

Hello, internet! My name is [Ser]. (lol sorry, Dan...)

I started watching Dan (and Phil) in spring 2018, lucky enough to catch the last PINOF and the start of the hiatus (whoops). Back then, I didn’t realize how much these two random British YouTubers would impact my life, but I knew they were a source of comfort and could make me smile on bad days. None of my friends knew about them at all, but I remember one sleepover, making my best friend huddle around my tiny iPhone 5S to watch “My Bahamas Travel Disaster” at 3am because it was the funniest thing in the world. The joy it brought me had to be shared. I still think about it every time I go through the TSA.

And maybe there was something about Dan’s airport mishaps that really spoke to me, or maybe it’s just his knack for engaging storytelling that also made “I Nearly Blinded Myself” cement itself into my brain as *the* standard for narrative construction. The amount of times that goddamn pistachio muffin has crossed my mind while writing college essays, applications, even my own stories, because goodness that’s clever usage of a narrative callback for closure. (Side note: the pipeline from trying a pistachio muffin to loving anything pistachio flavored ever now is very, very real. Anyway.) Through that video and countless others, the hot mess of my existence looked less like the end of the world (ha) and more like a trove of stories worth laughing about and learning from. I could safely store my embarrassing memories in a drawer for later instead of locking them in a box and throwing away the key.

Of course, speaking of locked-up secrets in boxes, I could go on for quite a long time about how much BIG and June 2019 healed the baby queer kid just barely starting to allow others to see and accept her… but a lot of us have been on similar journeys, so I’ll spare you the extra ten pages. I will say that it will forever be funny to me that Dan came out almost exactly a month after I came out to my mom, though. That definitely made me feel less alone.

Fast forward five years later, I’m still here. Lucky enough to coincidentally hop back onto tumblr on the day of the great gaming channel comeback after a year of being away and just in time to watch We’re All Doomed with all of you! All those years ago, I didn’t realize two random British YouTubers could have such an impact my life. But looking at all this…

I’m so glad they did.

Thank you, @danielhowell!!! Joke all you want about consistent uploading schedules, you have literally been a constant in my life since I was thirteen. I've never met you, yet somehow you've made me smile again during some of the roughest times of my life, and isn't that pretty darn amazing? I hope you know how much you've impacted the world, 'cause you've surely impacted mine. Thank you for that.

#WADGALA #phandom meetup #ser shares #more like ser overshares w the amount i wrote lol #didn't feel confident enough to post an actual picture of me *but* wanted to show y’all my outfit #so (in the least catfishy way possible) i decided to draw me instead!#i'm so excitedddd #ser sketches

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scyllas-revenge · 6 months

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20 Questions for Writers

Tagged by @lordoftherazzles and @i-did-not-mean-to (although compared to idnmt's 550+ fanfics this will look pretty sparse XD

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14! One is a collection of a couple of short fics, the others are all stand-alones.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

204,153

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Tolkien, pretty exclusively. I don't know many other fandoms well enough to be comfortable writing in them for now

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Burn Like Cold Iron takes first place for everything as my only long fic. Then How to Cope with a Middle Earth Bed Shortage, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, Customer Service, and A Helping Hand.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! There are a few here and there that slip through the cracks when I just don’t have enough spoons to reply, but I do my best!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I write happy endings as a rule lol, so this is tough. The closest to angst might be Burn Like Cold Iron just because it will have some bittersweetness thrown in alongside the happy ending, but I definitely wouldn't call it an angsty ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Considering most of my fic endings are pretty equally happy, my favorite is The Floor Is Molasses, because I just want Boromir to be happy and hanging out in the Shire.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

A few times on FFN in the past. I’ve been lucky enough to avoid it almost entirely on AO3. Which is good bc it does not take much to make me cry 😂

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have posted one (1) explicit fic and we shall NEVER SPEAK OF IT (I am easily embarrassed and it’s a miracle I posted it at all)

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nooooo, they've always intimidated me. Between all the canon characters and OCs I don't have room for anyone else!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Oof I hope not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I would be honored!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I haven’t done much more than brainstorm with fandom friends about plot points and stuff. But it sounds like fun and I hope I can cowrite something with one of my much more talented mutuals someday!!

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I haven’t been super obsessed with a ship in years, so this is a tough question, especially since I’ve been focused on OC pairings lately. I’ve been pretty into Boromir/Theodred lately (but it’s such a tragic pairing and my poor heart can’t stand it), but hmm...my all-time favorite?? I'm a big fan of Nina and Matthias from Six of Crows, and Katniss and Peeta from the Hunger Games, and OOH Jaime and Brienne from Game of Thrones! There that's the one. All-time favorite. I did it. Phew.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I fully intend to finish my one ongoing WIP, Burn Like Cold Iron, and beyond that I really don’t want to start a fic I don’t think I’ll finish.

But I’ve written bits and pieces of a Middle Earth murder mystery I was really excited about, and I don’t have high hopes for actually fleshing that one out. I’ve never plotted out a murder mystery and would need to do some hardcore planning and plotting and scheming for it first and my brain is just not there right now XD

16. What are your writing strengths?

Aaahhh I am not good at complimenting myself (my therapist made me compliment myself last week and I almost cried lol) but I think I’ve gotten pretty good at writing engaging dialogue. I also am happy with a lot of my OCs, especially in my all-OC fic Something Burrowed, Something Blue, although I want to keep working at developing more complex characters in the future.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My writing speed. I’m so slow. So so slow. Dear lord.

That and detailed plots and worldbuilding. Basically I need to brainstorm more before I start writing, and get a better sense for where things are going and how they'll turn out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I could probably throw some Italian into a fic without much trouble lol. But Tolkien languages like sindarin honestly intimidate the hell out of me- I will jump through SO many hoops to avoid it. I am a coward

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Warrior cats. I was 12 and submitted it to my English teacher for extra credit. I had no shame 😂

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It’s probably unfair to my other fics to say Burn Like Cold Iron since it’s so much longer than everything else I’ve written. So besides that one, probably What Could Possibly Go Wrong? I had fun exploring different characters’ points of view and sprinkling in lots of foreshadowing and dramatic irony for future plot points.

Tagging: @the-girl-with-the-algebra-book, @hobbitwrangler, @jaimehwatson, @frosticenow, @fishing4stars, @sotwk and anyone else who wants to play!

#lotr fanfic

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honeyhatake · 2 years

Text

Indulgence- Sweet as Honey 🍯

This story was written quite a while ago, and it is definitely a self insert lol. I originally wanted to call is Sweet as Honey, then added Indulgence to it. This is kinda where I got my name from. The story is from Kakashi’s perspective, and quite long. There’s room for it to even be longer if I’m being honest. Anyways, let me know what you guys think! Thank you for reading 💕

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Warnings- Implied suggestive thoughts, afab reader, fluff

Word Count- 6k

Summary- Kakashi is a man that doesn’t like sweets. Yet he finds himself eating a lot of them lately. The sweets are not the only things he wants to Indulge in, he just hopes that she’ll let him.

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I have found myself indulging a lot lately. Taking longer walks, more frequent breaks, naps in the middle of the day. Finding the time to treat myself to things I don’t normally have. Sweets being one of them. Even though they weren’t something I enjoyed frequently, I found myself eating them anyway. All because I needed some excuse to make my way to the bakery every day. No matter how badly it hurt my stomach at days end.

It started when I got back from a lengthy mission, wanting to make myself a nice breakfast on my day off. The indulgence was small, just a simple loaf of bread, but it needed to be fresh. I knew the bakery by the flower shop had just opened up with new management- the old owner of the store finally retiring after over 50 years of running the place. Their bread was good, and so were their cakes (not that I ate cake often, but nonetheless.) I just hoped the new owners were as nice as she was, and had treats just as good.

On my walk there it was overcast, so I brought an umbrella. There was a slight chill to the air, cold enough to make my ears red. My nose would have been too if it wasn’t wearing a face covering. I warmed my hands with my breath through my mask as best as I could approaching the shop. The smell of bread and sweets already flooding my sinuses. Breathing it in I smiled and walked into the shop. It was early morning, but the bakery had been open for a few hours now. Hopefully they still have warm bread.

The bakery was small and very cozy. There was one spot for seating, shelves with recipe books, and the decor made it look lived in. It wasn’t too different from how it looked before, but a lot of things were updated and the walls definitely had a fresh coat of paint.

When I walked in no one was at the counter, so I browsed the cook books. I didn’t really need one, but it gave me something to do while I waited. Not long after I hear the voice of a woman behind the counter.

“Oh! Sorry ‘bout that, had to step away to show someone how to prep some pastries. What can I help you with today?”

Turning, my eyes locked with hers, the recipe book that I unsuccessfully tried to put back fell to the ground. This made her giggle, and I felt my cheeks getting warm. Thank god for this mask! Trying my best to brush it off, I laugh lightly and pick up the book, putting it in its proper spot. “Sorry about that, let’s see…” Stepping carefully towards the counter, I pray I don’t trip over my own feet next. “I uh, I’m not really sure what I want yet.” My eyes moved down to the glass display next to the counter and looked over all my options. There was a lot more than I had anticipated. Several breads, rolls and pastries. They all looked well made, like she put her whole heart and soul into them, yet I knew I was only here for a simple loaf of bread. My eyebrows knit together as I tried to think over which one would be best, slowly getting embarrassed by how long I was taking.

“Well… do you know what kind of baked good you’d like?” She asked in a very sweet voice. I looked up at her and her cheeks were as pink as I’m sure mine were. Her eyes almost had a sparkle to them as well. I wanted to keep looking, but I blinked and shifted my view back on the bread. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

“I need a loaf of bread, but I’m not sure which would be good.” When my vision shifted back to her, her eyes fluttered and a sweet smile appeared on her lips.

“My favorite is the Sourdough, but our Brioche is good too! It’s a pretty sweet and light bread. But if you want something without too much flavor, I’d go with the wheat.” As she spoke she took a step over to the display case and gently placed her hands on top of it. The new closeness made my heart beat out of my chest.

“Maybe I’ll go with the Sourdough then, since it’s your favorite.” I smiled at her with my eye in an attempt at flirting. Perhaps it was inappropriate, but I couldn’t help but admire her. The way her hair was done so perfectly, her makeup simple but well done. How soft her skin and entire being looked. Made me want to indulge in more than just bread.

Gracefully, the women behind the counter collected a loaf of bread for me and packaged it up. Setting it on the counter, she put what looked like a berry muffin right next to it. “Alrighty, since this is your first time coming in today I’m gonna give you this muffin for free. It’s a new recipe anyways, so I’m trying to get the word out about it.” Her smile was contagious. There was no doubt her actions were just very good customer service skills, but the idea of her doing something like this for only me made my stomach flip.

“Well that’s very sweet of you, I’ll make sure to let you know what I thought of it!” My eye focused on her as I spoke, proceeding to pull out my wallet. “I think I’ll have to try some other things you have here as well. What time do you guys open?” Her giggle did nothing but fuel the fire inside me as she took the money from me. I just needed more reason to keep the conversation going.

“Oh it’s nothing really! You’ve been very nice, so take it as my way of saying thanks- but we open at 6am. Gotta be open for the early risers.” I took my treats from the counter smiling, already planning on coming back tomorrow.

“Alright, then I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning!” Giving her an awkward peace sign, I casually slipped out of the shop. Popping open my umbrella as it was now raining. My thoughts filled with nothing but her the whole way home.

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The next day I got up just before the shop opened. I hadn’t finished the loaf of bread I had bought, but the muffin was long gone. Mindlessly I ate on it while I read, which was a big mistake. It was rather sweet, plus eating the whole thing made my stomach hurt the rest of the night. Yet I was ready to go in again and buy another sweet thing, just to talk to a girl I had only just met. It was almost infuriating how she ruled over my thoughts. Wanting to know every little thing about her. Today however, I made it my mission to find out her name.

The bell to the bakery rang as I opened the front door. The women from yesterday was stocking the display case this time. Looking up and smiling at me immediately. “Wow! You weren’t kidding when you said bright and early.” She came to the counter whipping her hands on her pink apron. She looked just as beautiful as she did yesterday, maybe even more so- if that was possible. “What can I get for you today?”

Walking right up to the counter myself, I placed my right palm on it and looked at her as I spoke. “Well I was hoping to get another recommendation from you! The bread and muffin were quite delicious. The berrys in the muffin were perfectly sweet, along with the cakey part.” I laughed as I gave her my review and looked over at the display case, then back to her. “So what do you think I should get today?” I cocked my head, smiling at her, hoping my body language wasn’t making her too uncomfortable. With how pink her cheeks were again, I could tell it definitely had some sort of effect on her- unless it was just coincidence.

Clearing her throat she hummed, and moved over to the display case. “Hmm… alright, how about. Yes!” Returning to the counter, she placed a bun in a bag, along with a couple bars that were individually wrapped. “Sweet buns are a guilty pleasure of mine, I eat them most mornings.” The same giggle as yesterday, made me laugh with her. “And these are homemade granola bars. One is almond and lavender, the other is honey and hazelnut!” The ingredients intrigued me, though I knew my stomach was not going to be happy with me. Despite that I bought them anyway, not wanting to say no to her.

“So… could I get your name? I know this place is under new management now, and I haven’t seen you around before.” Finishing my sentence, a couple came in behind me. I almost outwardly groaned, knowing our conversation was going to be cut short.

“Good morning! I’ll be right with you guys!” She greeted her new customers with a smile then turned back to me. “I’m Y/n, I’m actually the new owner of this place! My grandmother was the one who passed it down to me. I just moved back here from the Hidden Mist, that’s where my dads from.”

“Ah, I see! That explains why I haven’t seen you before. It’s lovely to meet you then, Y/n. I’ll be sure to stop by again sometime and tell you how these are.” With thanks I hung my head, and tried my best to leave quickly, not wanting to interfere with her work. There was still so much about her that I wanted to know. Why did she blush every time I spoke to her? Did she think of me as much as I thought of her?

Arriving at my apartment I shook my head at my thoughts. There was no way she thought of me that much. I was just plain, boring Kakashi. That’s when it dawned on me that I never told her my name.

———————————💕———————————

Today I was called away on a mission. It was not like me to be upset with having to work, but with my new found infatuation it was hard for me to want to do anything. Especially anything that didn’t involve me seeing or thinking of Y/n. That’s why I made up the excuse of needing snacks for the road. I doubted baked goods would hold up well, but one little thing wouldn’t hurt. Even though I knew I still had half eaten treats at home.

Arriving at the bakery I walked in through the propped open door. My sweet Y/N was stocking the recipe books today. She hadn’t noticed me yet, and with her not standing behind the counter I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander. My thoughts getting darker than they should. Stop that! Inappropriate! No! No! No! Shaking them off, I took a deep breath and took a step towards her. Trying my best to greet her without startling her.

“… good morning Y/n!” I said softly in her ear. Immediately making her jump, a book she had in hand going flying in the air. Quickly I grab it with ease, handing it to her with a chuckle. “Sorry, I was trying not to scare you!“

Y/n looked at me with her cheeks bright pink, clutching her chest. Awkwardly laughing she set the book on the shelf. “It’s alright, I needed a wake up call anyways. What can I get you today, Kakashi?” The mention of my name made my heart sink. She already knew my name?

“Eh- you knew my name?” I looked at her in slight disbelief, following her with my eyes as she moved to behind the counter.

“I mean, yeah… you are Kakashi the Copy Ninja right? You’re kinda famous.” She giggled, pointing it out as if it was something that should be obvious. I mean I was well known, but I didn’t think it spread that far. I blushed, feeling embarrassed in front of her yet again. “It’s okay!” Y/n laughed this time. “What can I get for you today hun?”

Hun? HUN!? She was throwing me so off guard today, I knew she’d be the death of me. My hands press to the counter trying to find something to ground myself. I knew the pet name meant nothing, I knew she was being nice, but I would have been more prepared if she attempted to throw a kunai at my chest. Taking far too long to answer, I eventually stammered out a response. “Dah- um… Oh, well, I was called on a mission.” As soon as those words left my lips my brain blanked. Y/n looked at me expectantly with kind eyes. She could tell I was flustered and gave me a smile.

“So… you need snacks for the road?” She guessed, pulling out a couple bags, never breaking eye contact with me. I nodded, knowing I was sweating at this point. What happened to my resolve? Yesterday I spoke so smoothly, now look at me! A sweaty nervous wreck who can’t even speak up. I found myself chewing on the inside of my lip as Y/n started filling the bags. “Don’t worry, I got you covered. I’ll even throw in some extra stuff for your team!”

Y/n proceeded to fill up a bag full of bagels, as well as a bag full of muffins. My stomach hurt just looking at all of it. Thankfully, I knew Naruto would be able to help me eat all of this. “Thank you… I'm sure my team will be happy.” My voice came out small as I paid her what I owed, giving her a tip as well to show my gratitude.

“Of course! You have a safe trip then! Oh!” She blinked rapidly remembering something. So cute! “I know you probably need to get going, but how did you like the things you got yesterday? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.” I definitely didn’t mind her asking. In fact I wanted her to ask me a million questions just so I could keep talking to her, even if that meant me being late to the rendezvous.

“They were very good! I see why your guilty pleasure is the sweet bun. I’ll have to get another next time!” I looked over at the glass display case to see if any were baked today, then locked my eye back on hers. “The honey granola bar was my favorite out of those I think. The lavender one I wasn’t too big on if I’m being honest.” She smiled at me, then looked back as another worker came out from the back with the buns I was looking for. My eyes widened and Y/n giggled.

“Here!” Quickly she grabbed one with a parchment paper and handed it to me. “Go ahead and take it, it’s on me. I appreciate your honesty! I’m glad you liked at least most of the things I gave you.” I took the warm bun in my free hand and felt my heart swell. This was the second treat she’s given me for free, and this time it wasn’t for the benefit of the shop. I tried my best to give her a sweet smile and bowed my head.

“Thank you, Y/n! I’ll be sure to repay the favor. I’ll come see you as soon as I’m back!”

“Oh please do! Have a safe trip! Hopefully the mission isn’t too strenuous! See you later Kakashi!” She waved goodbye as I stepped out of her shop. My breathing was heavy, and I could feel myself getting emotional from just her words alone. Clearly it had been a long time since someone had treated me this kindly. Did she care for me that much, or was she just a caring person. Either way I knew how felt about her. I adored her, and I wanted nothing more than to spend every waking second with her. Unfortunately I had work to do, so that thought will have to be saved for later.

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With the sweet bun consumed, I arrived at the Rendezvous spot fashionably late. A slight pain in my stomach that I tried to ignore. Lazily greeting my comrade’s of my team and Guy’s who would all be working together on a mission this week. A simple search and rescue mission.

“If my calculations are right, this mission should take less than a week to complete. We have plenty of leads, and with the help of my Ninken we should be able to pull this off without a hitch.”

“Kaka-Sensei! This mission is boring! We should ask for a different one, let Bushy Brow and Bushier Brow-Sensei take care of it!”

“It would be our honor to take full control of this mission Kakashi-Sensei! Let’s do it!” Lee from Guy's team posed with his palms up in a taijutsu stance, fully ready to take up Naruto’s request.

“That’s it Lee! Way to show your fighting spirit!” Guy encouraged, giving me a thumbs up.

With a groan from the rest of the group, I shoved the bag of bagels and muffins towards Naruto. “Absolutely not! It will go by a lot faster if we work together. Now take these and keep your mouth shut.” It didn’t take long for Naruto to get excited and immediately start pulling out bagels- Lee and Tenten joining him shortly after.

“Kaka-Sensei, I think we should all split up and have our own Ninken with us. That would be our best plan of action.”

“Thank you Sakura, I was going to do exactly that.” Forming the hand signs, I place my palm on the ground creating the summoning circle. “Summoning Jutsu!” With a puff of smoke four dogs appear, Pakkun, Urushi, Shiba and Bisuke.

“What is it now, Kakashi?” Pakkun asked in a gruff voice.

“Well good morning to you too!” I smiled down at the small pug. Wondering if Y/n liked dogs or not. “Today we’re on a search and rescue mission, so we’re gonna be splitting up. I’ll have you go with Sakura and Sai. Urushi you’ll be with Naruto and I. Shiba’s with Guy and Tenten, and finally, Bisuke. You’ll be Neji and Lee.” Crouching down I put an article of clothing in front of their snouts and lets them gather the sent. I cleared my throat trying my best to keep my head clear. My aching stomach is only making things worse. Really should have saved that sweet bun for later. “Alright, now that that’s settled, let’s all fan out from here. We’ll meet at the next spot about mid day. Use the coms if you find anything or need some assistance. Okay, let’s go!”

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By the end of the day we had made some progress, but still no signs of the missing individuals. We camped out for the night in a small wooded area agreeing to pick back up in the morning. We caught some fish and cooked them up, not wanting to head into potential enemy territory. At this point we were pretty close to the village hidden in the grass, hoping we wouldn’t run into any issues.

Around 9pm, most of the group was asleep besides Guy and I. He quietly worked out, while I sat against a tree reading Icha Icha. We kept to ourselves, until ultimately Guy decided to disturb my peace. The one time in the past two days I wasn’t tormented with thoughts of Y/n. “So, who’s the girl?” Guy asked, without stopping his set of push-ups.

I scoffed, playing dumb. “Tch- what girl? Who said there was a girl?”

“Really? Mr. “I don’t like sweets” Kakashi, just shows up with a bag of sweets out of random? Come on! There’s definitely a girl! Is it the cute one from the bakery?” He gets up looking down at me, hands on hips. “I heard she just moved here. You like her don’t you?” Guy pressed me further on the topic as he started to stretch. I rolled my eyes at him and looked back at my book. Though I couldn’t ignore the fact that my heart was beating so loud I’d be surprised if one of the kids didn’t wake up from it.

“I just met her, and they have decent baked goods. There’s nothing wrong with indulging a little here and there.” I tried to keep my voice calm and collected, hoping he wouldn’t call my bluff. There was nothing I hated more than talking about my own personal feelings. Especially when it involved my feelings towards other people.

“Oh come on Kakashi! You went to that bakery every morning for the past three days! You don’t eat sweets, so it has to be for a girl. Maybe you want to indulge in all that that sweet little lady has to offer you!” Guy raised an eyebrow suggestively, plopping down on the ground beside me. The suggestiveness of his comments made my cheeks heat up, I quickly moved my hand to pull my mask further up my face. Clearing my throat before I spoke.

“No… not at all. Drop it Guy, she’s practically a stranger.” At this point I was done listening. I put my book away and started to get myself ready for bed.

“Don’t lie to yourself Kakashi! This is the springtime of our youth! Learn to take advantage of it a little. Don’t let her slip through your fingers before she’s even in them!” I groaned knowing that he was right. This was all so new to me though. Having crushes, having relationships that lasted longer than a night, thinking about a singular person day in and day out. It just wasn’t like me, frankly it scared the hell out of me.

Laying on the cool ground I clutched my chest looking away from Guy. My throat got tight as I felt myself getting emotional yet again. “I- I just don’t know what to do. I can’t s- stop thinking about her…”

Guy chuckles and I hear him lay down. “Tell her what’s in your heart, Kakashi. I’m sure she’s thinking about you just as much!”

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The remainder of the week Guy’s advice never left my thoughts, along with the thought of what I was going to do next. Our mission was a success, with minor injuries. Me being the only one injured the whole time, which was a little demoralizing, but it was my own fault. My arm nearly got blasted off by one of Naruto’s rasengans because I was lost in my own thoughts. That’s why I decided that I needed to tell her. It was time I indulged in more than just the baked goods she sold to me. I just hoped she’d let me.

Arriving in Konoha, I turned in the report for the mission and went straight home to shower. If I was going to see Y/n I needed to at least smell nice. Maybe I’ll use the cologne I bought a while back and never ended up using. Hopefully she likes bergamot and firewood. God, why did I even buy this?

It was a little after mid-day when I finally made my way to the bakery. The walk there was spent rehearsing what I was going to say, and trying to shake the nerves. Just be straight forward. Offer to buy her dinner, make sure it doesn’t sound too forceful either. There’s a good possibility she’ll say no. The idea of being rejected made my chest feel heavy. I knew she was allowed to not like me back, to turn me down, or ask to just be friends. Though every fiber of my being just wanted her to say yes. Give me one of her sweet smiles and let me just whisk her away into eternity.

My feet stopped in their tracks as I almost walked right past the shop. Looking in the window I expect to see Y/n cleaning up, stocking shelves, or anything else. Right in front of me I saw Genma leaning against the counter, toothpick in mouth with a cheeky smile as he looked up at her. Her cheeks were bright pink, and she was looking at him intently. It almost looked like she was trembling. Was I too late? Did he beat me to it? Did something happen while I was gone?

My hand hovered over the handle on the door. I needed to see for myself what was going on. Maybe I could change her mind? Make her want me and not him. My self doubt and insecurity got the best of me yet again. I pulled away and walked off. Maybe this was for the best. She’d probably be very happy with him, and I wouldn’t want her to be unhappy. I’d most likely end up hurting her anyway… or even worse. Getting her killed.

———————————💕———————————

I had been gone for a week and within that time my infatuation was stolen from me. My guilty pleasure, my indulgence, my sweet Y/n. I watched the clouds roll by as I laid on my back in the grass. Arms fanned out, feeling utterly hopeless. This was just no good.

Perhaps my time of self indulgence had run its course. Maybe it was time to focus on missions again whole heartedly. Go back to training and teaching my students. It was silly of me to think that I could get something just because I wanted it. Silly of me to think I could indulge in something as rich and decadent as that. God she’s so pretty! The most riveting and alluring woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of looking at. What was I to her? What was Genma to her? Did he get free sweet buns too?

As my body began to relax, I felt myself starting to drift off as I lied there. Still only seeing her behind my eyelids. The cool breeze calmed my nerves and I took a deep breath. “Now then, sleeping won’t solve anything.” My hands run over my face and my fingers pinch the bridge of my nose firmly. Pushing myself to sit up, I had made up my mind. I will tell her regardless. She deserved to know, and I deserved to at least have a chance with her. Even if she ended up with Genma, at least I’ll know I tried.

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The bells to the bakery door rang as I opened them. It was almost closing time now and Y/n was finishing packing up some bread for an old woman. As soon as she saw me her eyes lit up, and she smiled real big. Holding up a finger so I know to give her a second.

“Alrighty ma’am, is there anything else I can help you with?” She asked sweetly, handing the bread off to her.

“Nope, that’ll be all.”

“Okay, then you have a great day! Thanks for coming in!” Y/n waved goodbye to the old lady, and immediately locked eyes with me as soon as she had left the store. As I approached the counter, I could see her pivot and then stop herself. A blush slowly reappeared on her cheeks again. “Hi!” She finally said, sounding nervous. “Ah- how was your mission?”

Seeing her nervous like this made me swoon. Though it paled in comparison to how she looked while talking with Genma. What did he say that made her so flustered? I racked my brain on what to say next, not wanting to ask her out right off the bat. She was at work after all.

“The mission went well! Found the missing people in little to no time at all, and with little injuries as well. Probably would have be none if I… well. If I hadn’t been thinking of you the whole time.” That did it. With those words her face was bright red. She must not be used to being flirted with, hopefully I didn’t make her uncomfortable. “I want to know how you’ve been. I have a lot of questions in fact. Would you mind chatting with me for a while once you finish up here?” Steadying my breathing I watched as the wheels turned in her cute little head. God the things I could do to her…

“Oh, uh, sure! I’d like that!” Y/n finally smiled, fluttering her eyelashes just right. It took every ounce of me to not grab her by the back of the head and kiss her right now. I just focused on my breathing yet again, making sure my words sound calm and collected.

“Okay, then I’ll be waiting at the Dango shop. Meet me there when you’re done!” Giving her a warm smile, I walked off. Heart thumping, my stomach doing somersaults, and I swear I was about to pass out. Maybe she won’t even show up.

———————————💕———————————

After an hour of waiting, sneaking sips of my tea, and twiddling my thumbs she appeared. Spotting me immediately she smiled and made her way to my table and sat down. She was wearing a new outfit and her hair was down, framing her face perfectly. Her beauty almost made me forget how to breathe. Not to mention the dress she was wearing sooted her so well. Loosed fitted, a light shade of green and a matching ribbon tied around the waist. My eye must have been heart shaped at this point with how precisely I was looking at her, not caring if she noticed either. Which she definitely did, because her cheeks were pink again.

Chuckling lightly, I poured her some tea. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. It really took everything I had to ask you here in the first place.”

Taking the cup from me she sipped it, and waved her hand lightly. “Awe well that’s sweet! It’s no trouble at all really, I actually wanted to talk to you anyways.” Her voice timid as I watched her tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Please stop being so cute so I can think straight!

I cleared my throat, readjusting myself in my seat. “Alright, then let’s get straight to it then.” My hands fiddled with my cup as I thought of where I should start first. Genma. Start with Genma. I knew I had no right to be jealous, or feel as though she owes me anything. I just needed to know. “Earlier, when I got back in town, I stopped by the bakery. I uh- well obviously I didn’t go in, but I saw you talking with Genma. Um… it’s just. You looked very flustered. Your face was red, and.” Get to the point, Kakashi! “I was just wondering if you two were seeing each other. I don’t mean to corner you or anything, I was just curious.” I swallowed hard, hoping she wouldn't take my questioning the wrong way.

Her eyes widened, looking shocked. She didn’t look mad, though she was definitely not prepared for that question. My foot tapped restlessly as I waited for her response. Y/n shrugged and gave me a smirk. “No, we’re not. He did ask me out today though…” So he did beat me to it.

“And… how did that make you feel?” I looked at her, watching as her eyes looked at the tea inside her cup. She smirked then looked back up to me.

“Well, it caught me off guard. I had only talked to him once before. He seemed nice, but today he was…” She trailed off holding back.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just thought maybe you liked him or something.” To that her eyes got big again and she looked like she was about to panic.

“What? No! I mean… there’s nothing wrong with him. I just… I don’t know. There’s uh, somebody else.” Her words were fast and ran together, the last part practically a mumble. Yet I could still understand her.

“I see. So if not Genma, then who? What did Genma do that made you say no?” I knew I was being bold by asking her questions back to back, but my chest was aching. Genma was an attractive man, very popular with the ladies. Why would a beautiful woman such as her say no to a guy like him? Who could be better than him?

Taking another sip of her tea her eyes shifted around the room. “He didn’t want to actually date me. He just wanted to take me home with him. I told him no, especially because he asked me while I was working. He… he just made me uncomfortable. Though, I don’t think I would have said yes even if I wasn’t working.”

“Because of the other guy?” She nodded and messing with her cup the same way I had. I guess Genma wasn’t as great as I thought he was. Guess that makes sense why he isn’t ever with anyone for very long. “May I ask who has your heart then, Y/n?” Trying to word my question just right, so she doesn’t feel too pressured. I watched as she averted eye contact with me and swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath she tried to speak.

“Well… I don’t know if he has my heart just yet. He does, however, take up space in my head 24/7.” She bit the skin on her lip slightly, her hands moving done to her lap as she looked away from me. Alright, no more playing around. It’s now or never. Tell her, but don’t get your hopes up.

“Can I tell you something? It’s something that’s been on my mind for the past week now, and I just can’t hold it in anymore.” As I spoke, I kept my eyes locked with hers. Her cheeks still pink as she nodded. Here goes nothing.

“Lately, I’ve decided to be more self indulgent. Be kinder to myself, treat myself more. Relish in the things I don’t get to enjoy as often. One of those things being baked goods. Ever since that day, the day I walked into your bakery. The moment I saw you. I knew you were what I desired most. I want to know you, I want you to know me. Maybe I’m wrong for saying that, especially if you have eyes for someone else. I just, I just can’t stop thinking about you Y/n. I like you, way too much for my own good, and it’s okay if you don’t like me back.” A weight was lifted off my chest once the words left my mouth. Y/n stared at me, mouth a gap, but she wasn’t red in the face. In fact all color had gone from it entirely. My eyes widened in fear that I had scared her, or she was sick.

“Oh god! A- are you okay? I didn’t mean to make you un- uncomfortable if I did.” My hands instinctively reached out across the table. With her eyes fluttering, the pink returned to her cheeks and she giggled. Carefully moving her hands up and lacing her fingers with mine. I looked at our hands, then back to her, my eye fluttering now in confusion.

“You, Kakashi. You’re the guy I have eyes for. To be honest, I’ve liked you since the moment I saw you walk past my shop on the day it was handed off to me. You’ve been on my mind since then, and it only got worse the moment you stepped foot in the bakery. I would love nothing more than to help you indulge with what your heart desires. Because I desire it too.”

With my face red, and hands sweaty I laughed. In total disbelief she reciprocated those same feelings back to me. I felt complete and utter joy. More content than I ever have, just holding her hands. My thumbs rubbing over them, loving how soft they are compared to mine. This was only a small indulgence from her, but I couldn’t wait to indulge even further. Grateful that I could now indulge in Y/n whenever I wanted.

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