#i definitely don't view myself as a good person by any means of the imagination

[watercraver]

I think I generally tend to prefer HDG stories that veer more into the dubcon nature rather than the noncon.

Something about the floret-to-be being tricked and manipulated into a pet long before they are forced directly into it just speaks to me more.

A good example is Dog of War (as always), I loved the dynamic between Princess and Camila through every stage of their journey.

Another one I think works as a good example is Beast at Bay. It's definitely more non-con than DoW, but still works well with that manipulation and trickery over direct brute force (at certain points).

Mainsprings also kinda has a similar premise. Imogen technically started out as a case of non-con, but the stockholm syndrome worked wonders for the story.

[sch-com]

Specific manifestations of schizoid PD in my life

see similar post for anakastic PD / OCPD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Using the DSM V criteria for schizoid PD:

1/ Neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family / Has no close friends other than immediate relatives

When I was first moving out for university, I didn't really have any close enough friends I would feel truly comfortable moving with. It limited my choices, and influenced the one I ultimately made (a mistake).

Also, when I was moved out and experienced my first full-blown mental health crisis, I didn't have anyone around me to rely on.

Studying in uni is much harder when I am not talking with people in my class. Normally students support each other, share notes etc I imagine. I have to do everything alone.

Talking to people = opportunities. And support. Real, material support of being physically near. Going to places together, someone having a job opprotunity, hell even having anyone around in case of an emergency.

I suspect at least part of my emotional problems can be attributed to my self-imposed isolation. Occassionaly when I do talk to someone, it's like... an altered mental state, in a good way. When I laugh, I feel physically good. And it's easier to laugh with other people around. It's the little things I think, that are crucial and I am largely missing out on.

2/ Almost constantly picks introverted activities

Sharing what you do can help you progress faster. Sharing your art and getting critique, joining language classes. Sure I can do all of this on my own as well, but it may be sub-optimal. I think it's a matter of balance - and if I consistently choose to opt out of group activities, it could be seen as dysfunctional.

Also again, doing stuff with other people = meeting other people = getting the social connection, vital for even physical health, and gaining access to opportunities and support.

Other people can also motivate you, or keep you accountable for doing something. When I do (almost) everything on my own, I have to well, rely on my motivation / determination, which is often hard (more on that in 4/).

3/ Has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences

Frankly I am asexual, so I wouldn't say it's causing me any distress. I suppose that lack of sexual life can be viewed as lack of a major life activity, if you want to interpret it that way.

However, somewhat connected to 4/, it's hard for me to say 100% that sex life is something I truly don't want, or if it's just another thing I am opting out of out of the lack of reward. More on that below.

4/ Seldom derives pleasure from any activities

The emotional implications are written into the criterium itself. Lack of pleasure is I think dysfunctional already.

But, adding on the above - lack of pleasure/satisfaction definitely made me lose a lot of motivation for doing anything. I have disengaged from hobbies because of it. I have disengaged from studies, from social activities, from even simple things watching movies, reading, or cooking a good meal because of this. I have to force myself to do pretty much anything. There is not a single thing that I do simply because I truly enjoy it - I need another reason on top, like an obligation.

What I mean by the above, is that... I think I have opted out of things because they don't bring me much emotional reward, not the other way around (so it's NOT that I don't get a lot of joy because I don't do things). I remember when I was younger and more active in life, doing something like travelling, or acomplishing something, and emotionally not getting anything out of it. So I wished I was just in bed and not doing the thing, because at least it's less effort, for the same emotional reward (= lack thereof). And as I became an adult with more control over my day-to-day, I stopped many major life activities because I can. And it's all the same.

5/ Appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others

For me it's largely related to 4/, because I don't get much internal reward from external stimuli, it also manifests in how this criterium describes it.

I've had people believe in me in the past. Try to encourage me, praise me, tell me they see a potential. But I... couldn't believe them. I don't feel this, it's all the same if I am awarded something or not. External rewards don't cause internal reaction, so like why bother? Why bother going after this hard thing, winning a competition, if after I acomplished it it's all the same void? I put the effort into something, only for this to not matter. So I stopped putting so much effort.

I think it may also discourage others from trying to help me, because historically I haven't shown much reaction, or improvement, or gratefulness for their honest efforts. To give up on me, because I seem like this empty shell of a person. But I don't really know, I think it would have to be someone else to confirm this.

6/ Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

People told me that I appear flat and so it's hard for them to read me. It's hard to know what I think, and some became afraid that I was judging them, when I... I don't? Overall, this one makes it really hard to connect to others and to be understood. So it makes me feel even more like an alien.

I have also hurt people because of this. Because I detach, I isolate, I forget about people. I am the friend you have to message to get a conversation, or schedule a meetup, because I don't initiate. I know it's a hard position to be in, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I only disengaged more to not even have any friends that would care about me enough to be hurt by my isolation.

Because I seem all the same (flat and withdrawn) all the time, it's harder to notice when I am struggling. I can be in the throws of depression and actively suicidal, but outward appear pretty much the same. So people don't believe me, not even professionals, and I have been neglected because of this.

[bloggingboutburgers]

First of, I'm a big fan of your work. I love your comics and art and was happy to hear about the engagement 😁

As for my question, I love writing stories and creating OCs/characters. In your recent comic you called out that the only ace/aro rep always seems to be "the creator said so on Twitter" (a problem with a lot of rep. in media).

So I was curious, if I wanted to create an aroace character (and write a story with them), how could I naturally show them being aroace? Do you perhaps have any idea?

Thank you so much for the kind words!^^

Arguably my complaints are ironic because I myself haven't done proper aroace rep in my own fiction thus far – though I guess I'm compensating for that with my current comics, haha 🙈 But also, I've said it before and I'll say it again cus I'm annoying like that – Bojack Horseman did it, in my opinion, so that gives the rest of the media less excuses I guess.

So, again these are my personal views, and they're possibly demanding, but this would be my checklist for ideal aroace rep:

The aro/ace character needs to... BE a character. Actually have arcs, that matter within the story. Whether they're about being asexual or not doesn't really matter as long as THEY matter as a character.

...Ngl I feel they need to matter BEFORE they're revealed as aro/ace too, and obviously after. If they don't, they'll just feel like a placeholder who's just there to tick a box to me.

The fact that they're aro/ace needs to be addressed and not pushed under the rug or left up to interpretation. Leaving things up to interpretation will have so many people interpret them as allo for sure (just like in real life). And conversely, saying they're aro/ace may spark some curious questions and possibly awkward conversations (just like in real life). (...Again tbh Bojack Horseman was great at doing it naturally. The confusion from the ace character themself, the ace character's friend assuming they're gay because yeah that always happens, the MC having a friendly yet clueless "haha you're lucky that'd save me so many problems if I didn't have sexual attraction"... I could go on.)

By that I also mean... Actually NAMING the orientation at some point. If it's not named people who consume the media and don't know such an orientation exists will be none the wiser. (I'm guilty of that myself tbh. In one of my webcomics I had an alloaro character but never had the orientation mentioned within the story, I left it at showing he has sex and him having a conversation with his family explaining he doesn't have a favorite person because he just can't, but I feel like that's not enough, and I've been feeling a bit bad about it.) A good way of bringing that up fairly naturally would be to have the character figure out their orientation within the story, as a way to have the audience learn alongside them; but it could also be played for drama, which I don't think I've ever seen and would like to dabble with myself at some point – like, imagine you have a friend you hold dear who's key to your personal development and suddenly you find out they see you as sex / romance prospects and not as a friend like YOU do? That'd be crushing but that could definitely make for a good conflict. I should try writing that. I'm rambling anyway. Bleh.

Another thing that, to me, is key to the aro/ace experience is that the character may have some moments of questioning their place in the world. Our world is obsessed with sex and romance and fiction exacerbates that to the point where some characters barely even exist if they don't have romance. This could range from "Do I NEED to even identify myself as something" (again, Bojack Horseman did that great) to "Friendship is the most important relationship to me but not to my friends, what if they all abandon me once they find the one person they consider 'more important'". I dunno. I feel like there could be some interesting storylines there. I definitely would love to dabble into that myself a bit more, though I lack the time and talent – those concepts and the lack of things that are done with it live in my head rent-free.

...Actually I feel it could be good to show aro/ace characters as full of heart (if it fits their personality), having their own feelings and emotions outside of the usual romance spectrum, to show that they're just as human and compelling as the other characters. (...AGAIN Bojack Horseman did that great imo, I feel bad that I'm only ever quoting that show but that's still the best example I can ever think of.) Like – betrayal, loneliness, grief, kinship, literally ANY other form of love than romantic love... We feel all of those too (aside from people who don't experience any form of attraction at all, in fairness), and those deserve to be addressed in stories just as much (if not more) than the pining or simping that's kinda everywhere.

Oh yeah and speaking of being human... Yeah, human. We need more human aro/ace characters. Making it so that only the aliens/gods/demons/robots/whatever are ever allowed to be aro/ace only serves to dehumanize these orientations.

...IIIII think that's it. I might be forgetting some things I'd wanna add on later but I think that covers everything that would make for ideal rep in my own opinion

[flowerwiththemachinegun]

I was trying to come up with realistic dysfunctional cringefail dating the turks scenarios to amuse myself in order to fall asleep (and it escalated to Rude who imo is the ex husband always trying to one you up in front of the kids by doing grand gestures and actually being there for them even tho that pisses you off cause you��re divorced now) AND then I tried to imagine Tseng as a parent or something and I think I short circuited cause the most I can see him doing is paying for the abortion,,,,, yk if he REALLY likes you, my question is WHAT IS YOUR STANCE ON THIS 🎤 (sorry if my English is incomprehensible I am in fact half asleep)

(sorry it took a bit to get to this, had to get to work) I love this and thank you for this interesting ask. So, I personally don't have a single maternal bone in my body and I'm probably going to project the distaste of having my own kids onto Tseng. (Also your English is fine, mine is usually trash no matter how rested I am)

I feel like, for Reno and Rude, they would both be the parents to go out of their way to show you up. I also feel as though they would go out of their way to fuck with any new relationship. Like you think you’re gonna have someone else taking a parental role in their child’s life? No way. Lol, good luck. Definitely the cool parents but these two can probably lack any disciplinary skills. So when they come back acting like spoiled brats from a weekend with their dad, don’t be surprised. Definitely lets their kid get away with a lot, but they’ll step in when it’s notably a negative thing. I think co-parenting would be more stable with Rude vs Reno. I super doubt Reno would be a very toxic baby daddy or anything, but he’s far more stubborn. Like I can’t imagine one could be mad at these guys for doing what they’re supposed to for their child, but I guess I can understand being constantly one upped and finding it annoying? But they’re going to make it clear to you how important it is for them to be in their child’s life and will never give up getting you to see this point. It took the two of you to create the little fella, they firmly believe both parents are a requirement. It doesn’t matter how you guys fell out, they’re gonna stick around. Going back to the thing about them not allowing you to have any successful relationships? Like….i do think that these guys would still fully fuck whoever they have kids with SORRY but not really. A little divorce means nothing and loyalty is something near and dear to their heart so don’t be surprised if they’re too whipped to let go?

Now Tseng? Oh god, I have a hard time imagining him as a father unless it’s post-Advent Children. (I have a couple of views for this) Otherwise….LMAO HE’S DEFINITELY PAYING FOR THAT ABORTION…I think he’d be insistent and very negative about having a child while he’s so heavily involved with Shinra the way he is before Advent Children. I don’t think he’d be able to spare room in his heart for a kid at this time and would see it as more of a burden and a distraction that he won’t really be able to take care of. I don’t think it’s the general dislike for having children. I just believe everything in his being thinks he shouldn’t have kids in the first place, probably wouldn’t give it much thought until he’s faced with a pregnancy situation. Doesn’t have the time to spare to figure out parenting and probably wouldn’t want to have a kid because that’s easy leverage too. I think there’s a LOT of reasons Tseng wouldn’t want a throughout CC and 7’s timeline. If he really cannot get you to agree to terminating the pregnancy I think he’d still have something to do with the kid in a couple of aspects. Mostly sending money for things that’s needed and if you desperately need a break and he manages to find the time away from work, but at this time he isn’t going to prioritize the both of you outside of actions he can preform that are quick and keep him at a distance. I think there genuinely would be emotion there but he’s constantly hiding it and acting like he doesn’t give a fuck to the point you can’t help but believe it. Just does what he’s required for this time. But for Advent Children Tseng? He’d give a fuck, he’s probably going to be similar to Reno and Rude just more closed off and he’s definitely not entirely the cool parent but from time to time he’ll spoil and let his kids indulge in whatever they want.

Dare I add….Rufus to this list? 😂😂😂😂GUESS WHO’S FIGHTING FOR FULL CUSTODY!!!!! RUFUUUUSSSSSSSS!!!! This will be the most toxic fucking guy out of all of them. Rufus is not mentally prepared to raise a child realistically but he doesn’t want his child to be raised in a lesser environment. Mr. Gets Full Custody But Doesn’t Know How To Raise A Kid. Expect him to call you about every little problem. You’re certainly not going to be able to start a new relationship with this one as the father. He’s certainly not having some common trash you picked up walking on the streets of Midgar around his child (at least that’s how he would put it probably). Mind you, he didn’t think full custody over properly. He’s gotta be a busy fucking guy so full custody makes zero sense anyways but he’s stupid and wants to get his way so bad, even when it comes to the kids, even if it means sometimes having negative effects on their child’s mental. Wants to not be like own father and it’s another reason he tries so hard and tries to do a lot of things without your help even though he knows he needs you, once again it’s one of those things that can make the kid suffer.

[cantstoplovingjude]

To Steal You Away: Alfons Sylvatica Ch.2

This is from Ikemen Villains EN, Cybird owns everything.

Kate: "We don't have to hold hands, but... can I just hold onto your sleeve?"

(He's definitely going to tease me now...)

Alfons: "Of course. Whatever you wish."

I looked up at him, surprised by his kind response, but then saw a smile curving on his lips.

Alfons: "Did your heart skip a beat just now?"

Alfons: "You can grab me anywhere you like. Go on."

Kate: "This is fine. Thank you."

Alfons: "Are you sure? Such a reserved little robin. You should be more demanding sometimes, you know."

His reply was lighthearted and airy. However...

I noticed he was walking slower than usual.

(Is he matching his pace to mine?)

If he was indecent and dishonest and the stuff of nightmares, then I should keep my distance.

(So why does he make it so hard for me to do just that?)

I kept those feelings to myself as we began looking for any stolen items that might've been stashed away here.

Alfons: "This place is just packed with things. It looks like Elbie's room!"

(This is what Lord Elbert's room looks like...?)

I had to admit that this sort of light chitchat was the best way to stay calm in dark, scary places like this.

But I felt the fear creeping up on me again and blurted out the first thing that came to mind, as if to ward it off.

Kate: "Liam told me something the other day."

Kate: "He said you two often go out together late at night."

Kate: "What in the world are you two doing together?"

Alfons: "Do you what to know because Liam's involved? Or because of me?"

(There he goes again, teasing me.)

Kate: "I'm the Fairytale Keeper, so I thought I'd ought to know."

Alfons: "What a boring, trite answer. However, I'll indulge you just this once."

Alfons: "Due to his curse, Liam must satisfy his curiosity on a regular basis."

Alfons: "Which just so happens to align with my hedonistic views, as I love a good time."

Alfons: "So before we knew it, we both started looking for new thrills to satisfy our curiosity together."

Kate: "What exactly does that mean...?"

Alfons: "Well, we have a game where we jump from rooftop to rooftop while drunk. If you fall, you're out."

Alfons: "There's also a game called Chicken where we race horses to the edge of a cliff."

Kate: "That's definitely beyond what I'd imagined."

Alfons: "Oh, I'm pleased to hear that!"

Alfons: "There are other delightful things we get up to as well, but I shouldn't share those with others. Would you like to tag along next time?"

Kate: "Sorry, but I think I'll pass."

Alfons: "Ah, what a shame."

Alfons chuckled and picked up a dusty marble that lay at his face.

Kate: "Hm?"

It let off a dull glow as he held it in his hand.

Alfons: "Liam needs to forget about reality sometimes."

Alfons: "You're starting to pick up on that fact, aren't you?"

Kate: "Yes... I had a feeling."

Liam wasn't just satisfying his curiosity because of his curse.

When I was having a hard time or was feeling sad, he always the first person to come to me.

He generously gave me his time to try to cheer me up.

I had a feeling the reason he was so good at doing so was because he empathized with people's pain and sadness.

So, there must have been a lot of suffering and sadness in his past.

Maybe he was keeping himself going through his dark and dreary everyday life by coloring it with curiosity.

That reminded me of what Alfons had said to me before.

It was the first time he'd used his ability to rewrite perception on me.

-Flashback-

Alfons: "Life is a tragedy. There are many painful realities that can't be changed even if we try."

Alfons: "So what's wrong with escaping into dreams?"

-Flashback Ends-

(Back then, I was so confused about what he was doing that I didn't think too deeply about what he meant.)

But those words had lingered uncomfortably inside my heart.

Alfons was a thrill-seeking hedonist who loved having a good time and enjoyed making people see illusions.

However, now he told me that he was aware Liam had something he wanted to forget, and that was why he went out with him at night.

(Maybe it's just convenient for me to think this way because it's what I want to believe.)

(But what if...)

(What if Alfons really is showing people illusions to help them escape from painful realities that plague them?)

Just then, I heard a noise from the back of the hallway and exchanged glances with Alfons.

Kate: "Is it the culprit?"

Alfons: "I suppose we shall find out. Get behind me, Miss Kate."

I turned and peeked over Alfons's shoulder, but saw someone very unexpected.

==========

Elderly Man: "...Who are you young'uns?"

An old man with white hair was settled deep in an armchair.

(Somehow I have a hard time believing that man's a thief and a murderer...)

It certainly looked like he was the owner of this house.

Alfons: "Our cat wandered in here, so we came after it. Terribly sorry to come in without permission."

Elderly Man: "Oh, I see... I thought you were another one of those fools barging in here again."

Alfons: "What do you mean?"

Elderly Man: "Well, some lads have been sneaking in here at night without my permission."

Elderly Man: "Just because I had a spare room, they thought they could take advantage of me and make themselves at home."

He lived here alone and seemed to be turning a blind eye to the criminals using this place without permission.

(But why are they leaving him alive?)

It was definitely risky to keep him around.

All he had to do was tell one person who'd call the police and that'd be the end of it.

They'd supposedly already killed before, so it wasn't because they were hesitant to kill...

Elderly Man: "Oh, I'm sorry. I was so absorbed in my guests I forgot about you."

(Huh? Is there someone else here?)

I looked around, but we were the only ones in the room.

And then, I realized he was speaking to a portrait of a woman on the wall.

Elderly Man: "Will you forgive me? Yes, I know. You've always liked guests."

I was confused, but then heard Alfons whisper into my ear.

Alfons: "Oh, I see. He's senile. That's why they kept him alive."

Alfons: "What should we do about him, Miss Kate?"

Kate: "What do you mean?"

Alfons: "If I use my ability, I might be able to bring him to his senses."

Alfons: "That way we can get his testimony and our mission will be easier."

I wasn't sure how the old man viewed what was happening here.

But I did know that he looked blissfully happy as he gazed at the painting.

Kate: "I..."

==========

We decided to seize the stolen items we recovered as evidence and move forward with the condemnation at a later time.

That way, we wouldn't cause any harm to the old man who lived in the house.

Alfons: "Why didn't you want to bring him out of his dreams back into reality?"

When he'd asked me before, I told him I wanted to leave the old man alone.

Kate: "He needs that dream in order to survive. So I don't think it's a bad thing."

Kate: "Even if the dream was just a convenience."

Kate: "Also..."

Kate: "I thought that's what you would do, if given the choice."

Alfons stared at me for a moment.

Then without warning-he pulled me toward him and hugged me against his chest.

The next thing I knew, I heard a gunshot ring out. A nearby potted plant in the garden exploded from the bullet.

(What's going on?!)

Man with Stubble: "You think you can just barge into our hideout, huh?!"

A man loomed before us, his eyes fixed on the stolen goods we'd confiscated.

(He's one of the culprits!)

Man with Stubble: "I can't let you outta here alive now. I'm gonna kill you!"

Alfons: "That's pretty rich, considering you're the one who trespassed into someone else's home."

Alfons swept behind the man in a flash and twisted his neck, rendering him unconscious in an instant.

Alfons: "Whoops, I forgot that we trespassed too. Oh, well."

Alfons: "Shall we confiscate him, too?"

==========

After we safely delivered the stolen items to Jude's warehouse, we walked through the city at night.

(Oh...)

Only then did I notice my hands were trembling slightly.

The sound of the gunshot brought back memories of the previous night.

(I hate this... I just want to forget about last night and get rid of all this fear inside me.)

(I don't want it to control me forever.)

I clenched my hands into fists to try to stop shaking, and then Alfons tapped me on the shoulder.

Alfons: "Miss Kate. Miss Kate...? Do you have more time to spare?"

Kate: "Huh? Oh, yes. I don't have any other plans for tonight."

Alfons: "That's a relief. How about staying with me a bit longer, then?"

Kate: "For what?"

Alfons: "Since Liam's away, this is the perfect opportunity to do all sorts of shameless and indecent things to you."

Alfons: "Now that our mission is done, we can extend our date. The excitement's only just begun."

End Ch.2

[i-cant-sing]

Hi, I'm a Brazilian fan and I'd like to vent a little about my view of the war

Since you started posting reports about her I started researching and informing myself about what was really happening and DAMN you're right

My parents never stop talking about how Israel is a blameless victim and when they say that I just feel like screaming in frustration.

I tried to explain that the whole conflict between Israel and Palestine started years before this war but they don't listen to me, they say they "understand" that Palestinians are not terrorists but when they bring up the subject they simply generalize as if all Palestinians were murderers, they tried to JUSTIFY that bombing a HOSPITAL full of innocent people was necessary because hamas were hiding weapons there

Whenever I try to talk they tell me to study more because I'm uninformed and they obviously know and understand everything about this "war" (war is something mutual and not a unilateral and disproportionate bloodshed)

This is not a war it is a MASSACRE and it is so frustrating that they don't understand this, it seems that defending the Palestinians is the same as defending Hamas for them

I'm so frustrated and I don't even have any involvement or relationship with this war, I can only imagine that it must be a thousand times worse for you

I'm so frustrated and I don't even have any involvement or relationship with this war, I can only imagine that it must be a thousand times worse for you. You are definitely a strong and courageous person to endure this, I only wish you good things

I mean, I think most people don't realise how illogical it is to say "Oh Israel is just attacking Palestine to get rid of Hamas" but like if my entire family gets killed in the process, wouldn't I be on the move to be starting Hamas 2.0???💀💀💀💀

[hyenahunt]

Rouge & Ruby: Warmth and Compassion - 2

Writer: Umeda Chitose

Season: Winter

Characters: Jun, Hiyori

Proofreading: royalquintet (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: hyenahunt

Hiyori: (Hehe. I feel like somehow he's even getting my heart racing, at this rate... ♪)

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Jun: That's... well... lemme think…

Hiyori: On that note, I've been contemplating it since then as well.

It dawned on me that I don't believe I've truly experienced an ordinary Valentine's Day myself.

As I thought back on the past, I did notice there were certain times of the year in which I'd somehow end up amassing a whole collection of chocolates.

Thinking it over now, perhaps everyone had, in fact, intended for those to be Valentine's gifts?

Jun: Wait, all those gifts, and you think that juuust maybe they were for Valentine's!? Gimme a break!

Don't tell me that you took all those chocolates without ever returning the favour...

...Never mind, I don't think I wanna know the answer to that. I'm gonna choose to believe that you definitely did something in return for 'em, Ohii-san.

(changing the topic) So, uh, what about Nagi-senpai?

Hiyori: Nagisa-kun is very fond of chocolate, but I think he's just as unfamiliar with Valentine's Day as I am.

I've never heard him talk about it before, after all...

Hiyori: But good heavens, whatever would I do if it turned out that unbeknownst to me, he's gotten his fair share of chocolates himself...!

Jun: Like I'd know anything 'bout that. But with Ibara around these days, I wonder if he'd just say they're way too high in calories and confiscate all of 'em?

Hiyori: How cruel! Those were presents for Nagisa-kun!

Jun: Make up your mind, dude, d'you want him to have gotten any chocolates or not?

Hiyori: ...Well! In any case, let's get back to the topic. Jun-kun, just what do you imagine a typical Valentine's Day to be like?

Jun: Typical, huh... Let's see...

As V-Day approaches, you start getting all nervous. You worry 'bout whether you'll get any chocolate.

Then you actually get some and feel all fluttery inside. What should I do for White Day? you'll start wondering, and rack your mind for ideas... Something like that, I guess.

Hiyori: Tell me more ♪

Jun: From a girl's perspective, it's a different situation entirely.

You'll wonder what sorta chocolate to make, just how you'll prepare it at home, how to wrap it up all nice and pretty, all the while thinking of that special someone...

Dwelling on all these things is bound to really get your heart racing, right~?

Hiyori: Mmm! Yes! Quite! Do go on!

Hiyori: (Who would have thought that even Jun-kun would have such achingly fond memories!)

(Hehe. I feel like somehow he's even getting my heart racing, at this rate... ♪)

Jun: — Anyway, that's pretty much how it went in the manga I read.

Hiyori: ...What?

Jun: I've been trying to read more shoujo manga recently, y'see~

I mean, they make live-action versions of sugary romantic stuff like this all the time. Who knows if I won't land a job in that someday?

Hiyori: ......What?

Jun: Oh, here it is—look. This manga's been super popular lately.

There just so happens to be a chapter 'bout V-Day in volume 3.... Really tugs at the heartstrings, too~♪

Hiyori: N-Now hang on just one second. Whyever are you so excitedly showing me your phone?

On the screen, this is... how do you say... one of those newfangled e-book things, was it?

Jun: That's right. With this, I can read manga without filling up my dorm room with a bunch of physical volumes.

Hiyori: So... all those warm and fuzzy Valentine's stories... didn't actually happen?

Jun: No way, dude. Pretty sure I'd be the last person to ever have such sappy memories, right?

Hiyori: Oh, what a shame...

Well, for you to so earnestly get your ideas from a manga isn't unlike you either, I suppose.

My own tender heart which believed for a single moment that you truly had such effervescent memories doesn't know what to do with itself, now! How tragic!

Jun: I'm not responsible for your vivid imagination, you know~?

Hiyori: ...Mmm. Well, I suppose we've confirmed that you've also never experienced a typical Valentine's Day for yourself, Jun-kun.

The key question is: what about Ibara?

Jun: Well... I'm pretty sure he's just the same and has no clue what a typical Valentine's Day is like, right?

He called it one big retail war at one point, and when I objected, he got strangely quiet...

Hiyori: ...Ibara has his own fair share of baggage, after all. When talking about his past, he described his own childhood to be devoid of color.

Jun: ...So basically, none of us have any idea what a typical Valentine's Day is actually like, huh?

Hiyori: It does seem to be the case. This is certainly an issue, considering how we'll be performing at Chocolat Fes!

Hiyori: "It's a bit late, but... Here, for you. Chocolates for Valentine's."

Hiyori: "T-thank you... I'd almost given up hope of ever receiving any. I'm so happy..."

Jun: ...What, suddenly larping with yourself?

Hiyori: I was simply reading aloud the manga page you had open. Hmm, so this is how a typical Valentine's Day plays out...

Jun: Um, yeah, but it's from a manga.

Hiyori: But Jun-kun, despite having no prior notion of what Valentine's is like, it was manga that helped you form an impression of it, no?

To the point that it's even got you mentioning love...

So, what if you were to simply convince Ibara that Valentine's isn't just a retail war...!

Jun: And if I could get him to see it as an event overflowing with love instead, he'll keep all those adults from messing up the day of love with their sneaky schemes ?—

...or will he?

Hiyori: Whether he will or won't is something we won't know unless we try, yes? ♪

And on top of that, I believe it's of utmost importance for us to experience a normal Valentine's Day!

After all, none of us know what it's like!

Jun: Experience, huh... Hmm...

If you're talking about a V-Day experience, then maybe we really should try our hands at making some chocolate?

Wonder what kinda chocolate would suit it the most... Guess I'll start with a quick online search.

Hiyori: Hehe. Now then, let's do a little spot of Valentine's research until it's time for us to go.

As for me, I'll start by reading this manga of yours... ♪

[ ☆ ]

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[nathanielbuildsatesseract]

It's that time again, and I don't know what to say.

I'm here because I'm here. As I wrote last time, it's clear that I'm on Tumblr to stay, even if I abandon other social media sites. I took a sorta hiatus from Xitter this last week, because I had my first meatspace social engagement in months and because I'd just gotten into a fight with one of the only people I actually interact with over there, and I really don't feel like I'm missing anything. I really might quit using it this year, but Tumblr is a different story.

But I don't know what to write about, even so.

When I wrote the last milestone, my dad had just crested the peak of his post-stroke health, and still doing well enough that I thought he might actually beat the cancer. It killed him, not two months later. Did I ever explicitly talk about that on here? I don't recall. I did, back on Xitter. I took a week off the site after that happened, too.

Then Mom got sick, right before the family reunion in May, and ended up in the hospital three separate times. She's still not well, now on second- and third-order consequences of the original thing. So I came back to Kansas City, and I've been here all summer, again.

All told, the last 18 months or so I've simply felt like I have no real control over my life. Using the singular feels wrong; I have two lives, the good one back home and the bad one here, and basically no control over which one I'll be living at any given time. Everything hinges upon the biology of another human being, both cases one which I have only the most limited power to influence to take the actions that maximize future utility for either of us.

It's soul-crushing precisely because it's nothing new. I consider my 20s a lost decade because almost all of it was spent on dealing with my family's irrationalities and incapacities, instead of building the career which they spent so many years encouraging me to pursue. The pandemic didn't help and inviting a literal Randian parasite into the house towards end definitely didn't help. Since this latest round kicked off right before my birthday, my 30s aren't exactly off to a great start, either.

The nine months or so between taking my current job and Dad's stroke were, in retrospect, probably the best of my adult life. I thought the bullshit was behind me, and we'd finally get to have the sort of relationship I always wanted with my parents, and which I figured they wanted with me. We never got to experience that. Everything reverted to the mean and now I just feel hopeless. Will I get to live while either of them still does? With every miserable month that passes it seems less and less likely.

Compare the 27,000 post to this one. So full of optimism by comparison. (Don't believe what anyone says: I'm an insufferable optimist by nature. I expect things to go right the first time. Then they don't. Expecting the worst is a strategy that leaves me less disappointed when the actual results are significantly worse than whatever I imagined the minimum could possibly be.) Not even two years ago, and despite recognizing my own hand it almost feels like a different person must have written it. As I keep having to tell people, when I took this job I had two healthy parents. Now I can barely contribute to my team, because I'm just...exhausted. There's nothing left in the tank.

Maybe it gets better. That's happened before. But it's never stayed better remotely long enough for me to recover. The tank is dry and there's no reason to expect it'll get to refill. Outside view is great and all, but after so much pointless pain I can't make myself believe it, not where it counts.

If that day does ever come, maybe then I'll finally leave Tumblr like I almost managed in late '22 and early '23. Until then, I'll be here, sharing my small scraps of sanity with this insane world. It's not like there's anything else to do while I'm waiting.

[many-gay-magpies]

5, 8, 19 for the dbd ask game! xoxo

aaaa thank you so much for asking!! most of this has been put under a cut because apparently i had a lot to say hdhfjfbfb

5. Which character do you relate to the most?

i think out of the main cast, i relate most to niko, but i also relate somewhat to kashi—and i mean, the night nurse said they were alike, so that makes a kind of sense XD.

niko reminds me specifically of a version of myself i USED to be, or like, one that's lying dormant. she's awkward and reclusive and extremely literal with her language, and once someone takes her out of her box she's super friendly, but she doesn't know how to get HERSELF out of the box, so she needs a friend who openly and unashamedly enjoys her presence and invites her along to things (like edwin!). i'm getting better with socializing, but that definitely reminds me of MYSELF with the whole social vampire thing of, like, i wont interact with you in depth unless you invite me first. she also has a lot of knowledge about random and frequently creepy things (see "long pig"), which i relate to on a spiritual level, AND she has an incredibly bright and exuberant fashion sense, which i feel is the case for me as well. ALSO!! aro niko is basically canon as far as im concerned, and idk if thats because its actually viable; because i, an aro, projected onto her way too hard; or both of those things. honestly, it's kind of a surprise i'm not more obsessed with her, but maybe this is exactly WHY i'm not. her character's already familiar to me because i grew up with her in my head.

as for kashi, it's more like. specifically his view of his life and past experiences? like, the way he goes "really im not sure i HAVE any trauma" and night nurse goes "YOU WERE SWALLOWED BY A GIGANTIC FISH" and he smiles all wistful and goes "ah, one of life's many adventures!". even when i have bad experiences don't necessarily enjoy them in the moment, there's a part of my brain that's like. yes!! negative emotion!! so refreshing and fun!! this is evidence that we are human!! this is a symptom of life!! yes!! how joyous!! like i was a fucking alien in a past life or something and the little alien remains of my soul are so utterly fascinated by every aspect of human existence, whether its grim and painful or fun and full of love. so. me and kashi 🤝🤝🤝

8. A headcanon you have (that you havent seen talked about yet)!

idk if this counts as me not seeing it be talked about yet because the whole thing that SPURNED this headcanon was seeing someone offhandedly mention that crystal would probably be good at drawing due to having rich artist parents, but i imagine crystal being kind of an artist herself (and in fact ive written 2k words of fic about it! its on the backburner at the moment tho). her fashion sense is very reminiscent of the way an art kid would dress (see: ME), and it just feels like it makes SENSE given her parents' profession and how she might have been raised, growing up around art. i also feel like little kid crystal, seeing how much attention her parents gave to the OTHER artists in their installations, might have tried to gain their attention for herself by getting really good at art, before she realized the problem wasn't anything she was or wasn't doing; it was just her (or, more accurately, it was the fact that her parents were neglectful pieces of shit who probably never should have had a child).

19. Favourite actor from the show?

i don't really get into the actors of shows on a personal level, although i do love watching behind the scenes and interviews of them just goofing off and having a good time, so for this question—i don't really know? george rexstrew seems like a very nice and down-to-earth person, and jayden just seems cool and fun(ny), but they're all pretty much just guys (gender neutral) to me.

if we're talking acting... man idk, they're all so good. this being george's first onscreen role out of theater school is fucking amazing, he absolutely killed it, and the sheer DEDICATION is awe-inspiring (i think i read that he actually took ballet classes to help him walk and move like edwin?). all jayden's micro-expressions and actingchoices as charles blow me out of the fucking water, and kassius made crystal feel so real and genuine, and... yeah, i could go on XD.

[my-wishful-purpose]

You may not want communication or to confront the ugly truth, but its corpse is practically rotting in whatever room we're both in at the same time. You want me to be honest? Fine. So be it.

I'm tired—exhausted, even—of you. It's always been you and your willingness to turn a blind eye to our festering problems, to get defensive and pissed when I so much as bring anything up anymore. You're tired of me and everything I don't talk about, and I the same. You're tired of my self destructive behavior and how I'm quick to wish to kill myself when I feel as though things are out of my control. I understand that.

You don't get any choices anymore—not that you wanted them to begin with, and I've given you too many to count at this point. If you want me making decisions on your behalf, then I will. Gladly, if I'm being honest with myself here. Therefore, I believe it's best if we take a little break for awhile. Just as a refresher.

There's no real care in your end of the relationship, isn't it? No matter how much I try, you bare your fangs. Such an aggressive stance to take, really. Not that you can help it, given your nature.

I should've known better. I should've known we'd never truly last—I mean, since when has it ever worked out in any other universes?—I should've known that a marriage built on the remains of beer bottles and glasses of wine would end up going absolutely nowhere. Alcohol messed with my mind back then. I don't even know what I was thinking.

Nonetheless, there's no love lost. Well. Not for me, at least. I imagine by the time you read up to this point, you'll either want to snap my neck yourself or you'll be numb while staring at these words. Oh, yes, I know you well. A mix of anger and despair, most likely. I don't hate you. Never have. Not sure if you'll believe me by now, but I've never been quite able to bring myself to hate you, no matter how frustrated I've gotten with you as of late.

Oh well.

I do care, I do love you still. Nothing's been signed, if you're worried about that. I'll leave you to hash out those details if you so wish—Ah, a contradiction to what I mentioned earlier, isn't it? You should know by now that I'm contradictory—but nothing has been set into motion to officially separate us. Furthermore, I've still kept my ring—altough I admit it's hidden from mine and everyone else's view now, since it remains on my person in my pocket nowadays. On a different note, I'm not sure about this whole 'having kids' thing. We're definitely not suited for it, and given how I feel already,,I probably need something to get rid of just to feel something, anything. A void that can be filled with other things—more ungodly alcohol, I presume, since I've been considering it anyways. Wouldn't do any good with children, would it?

You won't like this next one—Oh, but since when have you liked anything I've done?—but when you're in my office, keep your distance. Assumimg I'm still alive after all of this, any area not immediately around me is fair game. You'll still be able to protect me and act as my right hand, even from there. Although... do you even want to protect me at this point? God, I'd rather just have you strangle me to death with your bare hands and take my seat as the boss. Or you could ravage the place to the damn ground. I'm indifferent on what you personally choose. Don't assume my apathy is a constant, though. I'm at my wit's end here.

Lastly, I'd like to apologize. Just in general for everything.

In any case, I hope this... whatever it is... finds you well.

Farewell, Chuuya.

(@yearningfortheend)

. . .

[cyborgdumptruck]

Ofc Samuraiden but also your favourite ship with Desmond Miles! I don’t remember exactly who it was with.

SamuRaiden

What made you ship it? - They both have very strong chemistry between each other - both Sam and Raiden. I just looked at a few pictures and memes on google, and they made me realize that Sam and Raiden definitely should be together. It also became my comfort pairing, so I could distance myself from my own toxic relationship (fortunately, it is over now). Who would have known that in the end, SamuRaiden and mgr fandom changed my life for good? After so many years of feeling pathetic, feeling that I was not worthy to exist, these two blorbos brought me back to life. I have people to share my thoughts and love about Sam and Raiden, I received so much feedback I never had before. Moreover, I met my bf thanks to this fandom and the pairing, it is more than anything I ever wanted. This means the world to me. Thinking about them being together, loving each other helps me to get distracted from my own self-deprecation.

What are your favorite things about the ship? - Their dynamic, the possibilities of various romance scenarios or even mgr2 plot. Sam and Raiden are so different yet have so much in common, including being rivals who try to fight for different ideals. Sam's charisma is very strong, yet I feel that he has a very deep trauma behind it. It is more of my hcs, and I can relate to him in my own way, considering how I love his theme song that basically opens him up as a character who chose the wrong side. And I see him as a protagonist, more than Raiden, about whom, btw I had a very erroneous view. Fortunately, after playing MGR and MGS2 I know him better. He is a broken man, who may never recover from everything he has been through. If his ambitions require destroying the world - he may go for it, that is why I feel that Sam may be the only one who could stop it. Raiden is an anti-hero, who is not easy to "tame" if I may say so. Yet, I feel that Sam could handle that because he has been through that himself (I presume). This ship may be toxic from different perspectives, but I want it to be healthy and so that characters could heal by complementing each other and teaming up to achieve common goals.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't really know what are the popular opinions about these two. My take is that I probably want to partially avoid Raiden's "unhealthy and toxic" side that would ruin everything because of him acting like an asshole (not the Ripper, rather just the situations when he acts like this) because it feels threatening to me personally. I want him to work through it and be better than this and reach to Sam as much as he reaches to him. So that he would feel more "human" than an augmented cyborg. In my fanfic I question a lot of what is it like to be a human and feel such simple things as love or sympathy (which Raiden never had). I want Raiden to experience it, to endure it as much as Sam. I also want to see his more soft and vulnerable side, when he lets Sam care about him. And the most important, to put the whole relationship in a more realistic perspective, where it is not perfect, where they both have their fears and problems, but they find the strength to carry on together.

Raiden is strong, but inside he is a scared and broken child. He does not know any other ways to protect himself, he is impulsive, filled with anger and hatred towards everyone and everything. He needs psychological help and guidance.

To sum up: SamuRaiden is a ship that changed my life. I love it with my whole heart and I want to think that the love between these two helped them to overcome their demons and have a healthy and more or less happy life. Like what happened to me.

AlexDes (Alex Mercer x Desmond Miles) - Assassin's Creed x Prototype Crossover

What made you ship it? - It was long time ago. I saw some pictures with both of them and it made me melt. I could never imagine that it is possible to make a crossover with hooded guys :D They also made me play Assassin's Creed series and Prototype. Desmond had to become an assassin against his will. He is sick and tired of running away and he just wants to live a normal life. As for Alex..Well..Alex is not a human, he is a virus that took a form of a deceased scientist (as well as his memories). I thought it would be interesting to see how Desmond actually helps him to start everything over and gain more "human" side (again about this, I think I am into this topic too much). Alex is rude, cold and lacks empathy. He wants to know who he really is. His mystery would attract Desmond. They would have to escape their enemies together. That is what it makes this pairing unique to me.

What are your favorite things about this ship? - Alex getting them both into trouble and Desmond getting them out of it. Both of them looking for their purpose, questioning if they should save the world (AC3 ending) or leave it to die (I am not taking Prototype 2 into account because Alex is a complete antagonist in that game). Alex is entertained by Des, he tries to understand him. Also...He has some tendrils that could be used for different purposes... After overcoming some very hard obstacles, their bond just gets stronger and they fall for each other.

Unpopular opinion about this ship

When I was really hard into this ship, there was a part of the fandom who considered it is cool to put Desmond into horrible situations of being assaulted or "consumed" by Alex (I realize this only after all these years and I don't approve that part, fortunately, I haven't met anything connected with it lately). I hate that people try to portray Alex as a predator, and I would prefer not to see it anymore. Also, I don't see him as a bottom (another unpopular opinion).

In conclusion: ProtoCreed has a special place in my heart because it was one of the first fandom ships I got into and produced the content very actively before the end of 2012. I still have some feelings for them, yet I wanna put this ship into more "mature" perspective and make more interesting and realistic scenarios of their relationship development. Many things changed from that old times and I don't really wanna come back there.

[thir13enghosts]

Do you think any of the women are feminist or support feminism? I know for a FACT Royce is drinking "Respect Women Juice" all day everyday

uhhh kind of? i mean i feel like the only one who actively considered/called herself a feminist would've been jean, coming from the vantage point of being from the late 2000s - early 2010s and having more access to feminist material (both from the past and the present) compared to everyone else

as for the others...

(also disclaimer: i'm going with My versions of the ghosts which tend to differ a bit from canon. just roll with it)

billy michaels: billy was like at most 10 years old when he died. he was probably still in his "ewww girls have cooties" phase. he had no concept of feminism.

jimmy gambino: ngl to you, not really lol. i mean he more or less supported women both then and now (at the very least he wasn't Actively misogynistic, which is the bare minimum), but at the same time i feel like he's the type to call a woman he Just met "sweetheart" or "honey" so yeah. he says stupid shit every now and then, but he'll also listen to you when you call it out and make the effort to not do that again (or at the very least not do it in front of you). might roll his eyes or even laugh at you at first, but he'll still make the effort. like the guy's not perfect by any means but. he's trying.

dana newman: that's a complicated one. on one hand, dana strikes me as someone who probably dealt with a Lot of internalized misogyny, and this goes for both my version & the canon version. probably lowkey prided herself on (whilst also hating herself for) her attempts at being a "good woman" which was basically: keep your head down, keep your legs crossed, keep your mouth shut, remember the man is always right, and maybe this time he'll be nicer to you. hasn't really worked for her so far, but third fourth fifth time's a charm! but on the other hand, i also think that dana was at least Aware of the feminist movements taking place during her time (the 1960s) and likely supported feminist goals, even if she never voiced it out loud. like she wanted to believe that things might get better for her and other women but didn't really hold out much hope for it Actually happening.

royce clayton: i feel like he was better than most boys his age when it came to Not Being Shit To Women (which...unfortunately isn't saying much considering this is the 1950s we're talking abt here), but i don't think he thought much abt feminism itself aside from whatever he might've heard on the news or from the papers. he's kinda like jimmy where he'll say something kinda Ehhh every now and then, but he'll also listen to you when you call it out and make the effort to not do that again. his mamá taught him to be respectful after all, and even after all this time, even after all the ways being a ghost has changed his personality, he doesn't wanna let her down.

susan legrow: kind of? like if you told her some feminist talking points without telling her they were feminist talking points, she'd probably agree with them, but she definitely wouldn't have called herself a feminist. remember, susan was around during the reagan administration; she probably only knew feminists as the stereotype of like bitter, man-hating, lonely Bitches with hairy pits (oh the HORROR!!! /s) and harsh voices and no sense of humor who at best were trying to ruin everyone's fun and at worst were actively trying to Exterminate All Men. it was very much like "tbh that does make a lot of sense...but if i started talking Like That, then no guy would wanna go out with me and i want guys to go out with me! that's definitely what i actually want for myself after all and not just me imitating what i've been taught all Normal Girls want!"

isabella smith: feminism wasn't a Thing during her time. however, i imagine she did have somewhat progressive views for her time (which was probably part of why she was so ostracized), and i do feel like if feminism as a term/social movement was Around back then, she definitely would be a feminist

amelia shelburne: i feel like amelia had Heard the word "feminism" and maybe even had an idea of what goals feminism was striving for (at the time), but idk how much she really knew abt it—mostly bc i still go back and forth on how much she knew abt life outside the circus she & her mother travelled with in general. and even then i feel like she was probably a passive supporter at most, like "that sounds great and i wish them luck but i've got Other Things to worry abt"

margaret shelburne: no but in a very resigned kind of way? as far as margaret was concerned, this feminism idea was for the """normal""" women in the big cities, not for a "circus freak" like herself.

george markley: i don't think george would've identified as a feminist, but that's not to say that he would've been a misogynist. i do think that he at the very least thought that women should be respected as the fellow human beings they are. however the feminism movement that was going on during the time that the markleys lived and died was first wave feminism, and first wave feminism was primarily focused on the rights of white women. intersectionality—such as considering the plight of women of color or working class women and how that would further impact their experience with misogyny—wasn't a priority at the time. and since both george and his wife (i've been thinking her name was ruth) were working class black ppl living in rural late 1800s virginia, they weren't ppl that a lot of popular first wave feminists would make space for.

lenore howlett: no bc part of being a feminist requires caring abt other women/other ppl in general and lenore just...doesn't.

horace mahoney: oh fuck no, absolutely not. horace doesn't see women as people—he sees women as machines with parts that he can disassemble and put back together as he pleases. literally.

[opinated-user]

Lily, in her It's More Mature To Accept Things Are Just Evil video: "I hate when people ask for serious and mature writing. Fandom says they want mature storytelling but they actually don't want it because they don't want everyone who's bad in fiction to be murdered. No one on Earth wants villains to be killed but me. No fiction ever kills villains (please ignore the many pieces animation pre-90's, most pre-Revival Disney movies and anime that do kill villains regularly). People who like a character I don't like are fucking idiots, no I will not provide proof. Also people are lying, they're not actually interested in why people turn to darkness. No proof, I'm just rushing the video along onto another topic and talking really quickly and hoping you never ask me for any examples of anything. People only like villains when they're white, no I will not acknowledge the many non-white villains who've had fandoms going as far back as when silent film era Asian actors who were forced by the industry to only play villains had huge fanbases, fuck history, it's definitely just AFAB white women wanting to fuck AMAB white men. I'm going to say this is not a disputable fact despite providing no proof and ignoring actual facts that contradict my 'factual' point.

Anyway murder is the 'logical endpoint' of all villains' stories, no I will not acknowledge how that blanket statement does not work in all settings. Here in reality (I say about Star Wars, as if it's real) Vader would've been executed. Why? Because I want him to be, even though it would make no sense for Luke to let Vader be executed. A good hero would automatically be cool with that even though compassion is Luke's defining character trait and Luke, Han and Leia 100% have the know-how to simply claim Vader died, put him in a new life-sustaining suit and transport him and Luke somewhere else. Fuck you, commenter who imagined compassion for someone and whose name I'm showing onscreen to shame you in front of my entire audience.

Fans are stupid. Fans who want redemptions have 'poisoned minds'. They're the same as people who simp over serial killers. Yeah I just compared liking a black-clad space wizard or crystal alien cartoon to liking someone who murdered actual human beings. No I will not acknowledge that make-believe is not real. No I will not acknowledge that I just turned to the families of murder victims and said that a kid liking the wrong cartoon is just as morally wrong as someone liking the man who murdered their actual family member in the real world, I'm just going to keep talking quickly and pretend I didn't devalue the lives of murder victims by making them as unimportant as a cartoon."

I couldn't make it through Lily's last video. Hooktube not giving her a view doesn't mean it gives me the ability to deal with this many fallacies. Unsubstantiated claims, false equivalencies, saying 'the real world' about Star Wars as if it's real, ignoring historical facts, ignoring the facts of the medium she's reviewing, erasure of the long and complex history of POC in villain roles in Western media and audience response, assuming murder works as a solution to all problems in all circumstances in all universes...

I get that talking quickly is supposed to prevent people from thinking about the things she's saying, but as someone who did debate in high school, I was taught to process things going by at this speed. And there's so many things wrong with so much of this that the speed actually makes it worse, because she piles up more and more untrue statements, opinions stated as fact, and absurd statements than I can even describe in a very short frame of time.

THIS is why your channel is dying, Lily. Your lies are so obvious, opinions so outlandish, arguments so fallacious and statements so egregiously lacking in factual basis that to a normal person, you sound ridiculous, unhinged and unwell.

That's not ableism on my part. I mean this as someone with mental health issues myself - she sounds unwell. She is not okay. She has completely detached from reality at just about every level and appears to be unable to even distinguish it from fiction, resulting in her thinking liking some cartoon cartoon is like being a fan of real-life murderers. She doesn't know real life murder is worse! She does not understand that a real person dying is worse than a fictional one dying. Holy shit, has she been like this the entire time? I watched her videos in middle school and I remember thinking they were funny but looking at this as college-aged me, she sounds like someone less than half her age who thinks they were Amity in a past life. She is on fictionkin levels of 'crimes in a fictional universe are just as bad as crimes in this one'. She called Star Wars the real world!

At this point only a full-on mental health intervention could save her. I don't think anything less could salvage her mind, nevermind her channel. She's just broken mentally in a way that I can't even take the tiniest bit of 'whew! glad I'm not her' satisfaction in because it's so awful.

Even when I was unmedicated and had manic episodes, I would not compare serial killers to cartoons. I don't know what mental illnesses she has but she needs help.

i think it's worth remembering that a lot of what LO does is purely performative. any attempt at wanting progressive politics or wanting queer people to stop hating on themselves is empty noise, they don't mean anything. her actions speak louder than words and through those we know already that LO does not care about LBGT+ people, only cis lesbians and only as long they satisfy her on the way she wants them to be.

that line about liking serial killers and liking villains is nothing but more examples of her overcompensating for liking sadistic cruel murderers and bending backwards to try to still make them the heroes. it's not what she really thinks, but it works to come across the idea of how despicable villain liking looks to her. it's there to make you forget about all the way that LO has liked and written character who have done far worse than many villains.

[measlyfurball13]

@south-sea has enabled me to share my mini playlist for my crazy Metal Sonic longfic! I'm normally don't build playlists, and I can't say I'm particularly good at it, as this one definitely doesn't have a cohesive vibe, but I'm excited to share it anyway. I tend to focus in on the lyrics in particular rather than the sound of the music itself, so be prepared for some weird picks.

Journey begins below the cut!

"Over the game, rather be alone Think I'm gonna just stay home And make art, not friends"

This one is a strange pick, I do admit, but it's also the one most inextricably linked to my fic in my mind.

It's a very cynical song. The singer disparages the rest of the world as "suckers" and "yes men", expressing a profound disinterest with his current place in society. He sees himself as above the masses, but he's also very tired about it. Instead of fighting, he just wants to seek his own little corner of the world, perhaps with some of the few "good friends" he's able to find, and make art.

And this is VERY vibes for how I write Metal. Metal, at first, runs itself ragged trying to be superior to Sonic, trying to prove that it can handle itself on its own away from Eggman, trying to pursue its original purpose, but eventually it realizes that none of that is useful to it. It grows tired of trying to please the people of its past, and instead chooses to move on, to "change up the sound". And of course, the way it chooses to represent this is by repainting itself. Not just any old repaint, but a complete redetailing by a professional artist, chock-full of tiny, beautiful detail head-to-toe. Make art, not friends indeed.

"So you get yours, and stay outta mine Here's to the memories, where do I sign?"

These lyrics in particular are sooooooooooooo. Please imagine Metal saying this to Sonic. I don't think I need to explain this one any further. Next!

"You say the weight of the world Has kept you from letting go And you think compassion's a flaw And you'll never let it show And you're sure you hurt in a way That no one will ever know But someday the weight of the world Will give you the strength to go"

Whereas the previous song was almost, in a sense, "from" Metal's point of view, this song is addressed to it.

This song fits neatly into the midpoint of my fic, where Metal's at its lowest point emotionally, when it's not sure if getting to know other sentient beings would be worth its time, when it's not sure there'd be a purpose in life if it gives up its pursuit of Sonic. This song would basically represent a hypothetical "other person" in the dialogue of Metal's doubts, reassuring it that there are better things possible in the world for it.

A big thing that Metal struggles with in my fic is having a sense of self-worth outside of its intended purpose. A big theme in a lot of its internal conflict has to do with the idea of preserving one's self- does it deserve to get better? Does it want to get better, or would that destroy who it is? What does it have to gain? What does it have to lose?

But ultimately, it's going to be okay. The weight of the world will give it the strength to go. Onto the next!

"I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms And what do you think you'd ever say? I won't listen anyway, you don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be"

It's deeply ironic that this one's on the playlist, since it's a song about positive masculinity and my version of Metal is nonbinary, but it's about THE VIBES OKAY??? And this song's vibes are classic "rebelling against my dad" vibes. Which. Should be self-explanatory. This is Metal Sonic we're talking about. Themes of "you can't throw me away", "you can't define me" and "I want to define myself" come stock standard with this character, and are especially relevant in a redemption AU.

"And I want a moment to be real Wanna touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on and feel I belong"

I mean, are you seeing lyrics? I don't need to explain them. Next song, please.

"It seems that all my bridges have been burned But, you say that's exactly how this 'grace' thing works"

This is a very classic song about moral redemption, so of course it fits the vibes of this fic, even if it's a bit more, shall we say, twangy than the other songs on this list. The lyrics listed above are definitely the standout vibe, but there's also a lot of other emotions I like in this one. The singer is so uncertain in the face of turning over a new moral leaf, and I channel that sort of uncertainty into the quieter moments of my fic. Metal is pretty subtle about its moments of doubt, but the companion that it's currently with has started to pick up on them.

Another standout emotional moment in this song is around the 3-minute mark in the song, where the singer loudly proclaims:

"Stars, hide your fires! These here are my desires"

In this big, emotional, climatic moment of the song. The singer asserts himself as being worthy of redemption, and embraces himself and his emotions. Metal will have a moment like this in later chapters. It will finally assert itself as someone worthy of experiencing life as it sees fit. Self-actualization!!

And finally, for the last song, drum roll please-

You really should have seen this coming. I flip this one on whenever Metal is getting up to Shenanigans(TM), which usually means fight scenes. This includes nearly getting its ass handed to it by Shadow and ending the chapter in a dumpster. Good times!

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If you've somehow made it to the bottom of this, thank you very much! I am SO normal about my funky lil version of Metal Sonic.

[nekomimithoughts]

I feel like you have misunderstood what I was trying to say. I absolutely take the criticism of how my choice of words can be interpreted but you are putting a lot in my mouth that I simply didn't say or intended to transport. Your "quotes" of me are not things I said, it's not my take. And the other things you said aren't my takes either.

The first thing I definitely accept as criticism is that I used the word privilege and I'd be happy to remove that sentence. Because what I meant to say is that a secure base, which usually comes in the form of a trusted partner - but I absolutely agree that there are other safety nets and I'll come to this in a moment - is what makes safe sensation seeking in bdsm possible, and that is what makes it comparable to horror movies and spicy habaneros. That was, to be honest, the entire point of my post. Did I explain that that's what I mean in a very concise way and in a way that is unambiguous? No probably not. I apologise for that. I falsely used the word privilege to mean "to be in a position with certain advantages in regard to a specific thing" and didn't realise in the moment all the other concepts this word is tied to and that itvis usually used to mean being in a better position in a general sense. That is my fault. Did I mean to say that kinky people or bdsmers or people in secure relationships never have any anxieties or insecurities with regards to intimacy? No of course not, because that makes no fuckin sense. I do see how my words could be misinterpreted that way, but honestly, saying that the sense of safety achieved through having a trusted partner gives you opportunities for sensation seeking really doesn't conclude to having no anxieties or issues when you have a trusted partner? It just doesn't.

I was NOT trying to say is that kinky people need to justify themselves, that they need to "check their privilege", that they are responsible for other people's feelings or that they need to accommodate people who have a problem with their lifestyle. No! I didn't even intend for any actionable conclusions to be drawn from this, it's really just a thought experiment of perspective taking, meant for those who said, basically, that they don't understand why it's hard to understand for a lot of people that bdsm is comparable to other forms of sensation seeking. I take the criticism that I should have made that clear, that that's who I'm referring to, and not bdsm-people in general. Noted. I repeat: bdsmers DO NOT need to justify themselves, to pearl-clutchers or anyone else. Because yes, it's literally not about them. Hell. I'd never make that statement.

Thank you for pointing out that it's not necessary for bdsm to happen in an intimate relationship because there can be other safety measures in place. That's a really good point and made me realise that I falsely conflated safe partner and intimate relationship. A partner can be safe for other reasons than intimacy, for example because of pre-installed rules of conduct. Still, person A needs to trust person B will adhere to those rules. For people who experienced that others regularly disregard their boundaries (something that I believe is ingrained in the standard evangelical culture as "normal") they might have a hard time to imagine that this actually works: boundaries being respected. Does that mean bdsmers have to do literally anything about other people having issues like that? Simply, no.

What this topic of "bdsm is oftentimes just another form of sensation seeking" boils down to, in my perspective, is whether a sense of a secure base is given or not given. Because that deeply shapes how people interact with the world, shapes their biases, their mindsets, their likelihood to take opportunities, and so on. That's what fascinates me about this topic.

I'm not your enemy. I loved your post. I'm actually exploring bdsm myself and have a very positive view of it. I also don't hold anyone responsible for my sensitivities, weaknesses, anxieties, etc. I'm on a journey to learn from others and grow. And I don't believe that there would have been nearly as much misunderstanding here if this was a face to face conversation. The thing is, if I only shared thoughts when I can ensure that my wording is perfect and there is no ambiguity or room for misunderstanding, then I'll never have another conversation in my life. I promise you to try better next time though, and I appreciate the input that also helped me gain a better understanding. I just wish you wouldn't have gotten so mad at me. I think it's unfortunate that these kinds of topics can rarely be discussed in online spaces as a conversation with mutual interest and the benefit of the doubt given, but instead it's right off the bat angry. I respect your feelings and apologise that I offended you. On the other hand I also feel I'm accused of way more offenses than I actually committed.

While I was writing this I decided to remove my reblog post, first an foremost because it was written rushed from a quick idea, not revised, my arguments poorly constructed with lots of room for misunderstanding, and doesn't properly reflect my actual views.

I also hope that me removing it will make you feel better since my intention was not to offend you. Genuinely. I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I really liked your original post. I'll keep this up for now so you have the chance to read my response, but I'm not interested in further interactions (i.e. more accusations and misunderstandings).

I wish you a wonderful day (again I'm not being sarcastic, I mean it).

Also, there is so much hand-wringing over the ethics of BDSM and while obviously it is worth taking care about ...sensation seeking is a thing. Many, many people enjoy eating habanero peppers and/or watching movies that make them cry. The conceptual leap from there to the idea that it's possible for sex to hurt good is a very short one, and sometimes it REALLY is as simple as that.

[televisionianestamisimemology]

First Telephone App Date Since Moving Back and Other Stuff

The last paragraph below is a message I wrote back to a woman on a dating app who responded to something I wrote on my profile about Twin Peaks, The Return. Is it too much? It's hard to know what's too much and what's not enough. The trick is not to care. These apps used to work for me when I was on them just to have fun writing weird messages to people. The more aloof I was, the greater the chances were that everything would fall into place and i'd get cool and interesting dates. Either I'm taking dating too seriously and that's a turn off, and or things have changed a lot since I last used OkCupid in 2021. Now it feels like all my matches are looking for an excuse not to meet with me. In the case of this David Lynch-fan I just matched with, I might come across as a try-hard. Too much thought, and too many commas.

I also think that constantly matching with people who later turn me down is because of my age, and or my occupation as a teacher, or because of my interests in making art, which, for many might indicate that I'm less income driven, less materialistic and therefore poor.

It could also be because app dating has become really toxic, and the field of potential mates is so oversaturated that people are on the apps for the dopamine of anticipation. It's like the gambling addicts hooked on slot machines who actually don't like it when they win because it interrupts their engagement with the machine and the dopamine they get from the anticipation of waiting for the wheels to stop. Could it be that finding a person who's genuinely interested in meeting a partner, is a slight bummer, in that he/she will interrupt the engagement with the app? I think this could be true even for people who don't like the app.

In fact it seems possible that the more negative and bad about yourself the app makes you feel, the more you judge others in the way you think you are being judged on the platform. And so that leads to people getting really entrenched in the app for long term, growing less receptive and open enough to actually meeting someone.

That was my take-away from a telephone date I had the other day with a woman who seemed really defensive right off the bat. Her voice was hard like she was talking to someone who hated her and who she didn't like, and this was her disposition before I really said anything about myself. And when she talked about what she did for fun, like surfing, she said, I still like it even though I'm not good at. It's okay to like things you're not good at. It was rough. I'm struggling enough as it is with not seeing myself as irredeemably damaged beyond repair. These bad experiences, even simple phone calls with people who hate me, reinforce these feelings of being damned and put me in a really dark place. The trick is to not let this inform the way I approach dating, writing profiles that omit things that I think might make people think less of me, like my interests in art, and not letting this turn to bitterness, hating on people before they can hate me. That's usually not a problem though. I rarely blame others for not liking me.

"Yeah, that’s the atomic bomb one. I love the gas-station stop motion from that. I agree about trusting his imagination. Although, i didn’t always feel that way. On my first viewing of The Return, I felt that some of the scenes had missed their mark a little, like Lynch was making up things on the spot that didn’t work. Then the second time I watched, all those awkward scenes suddenly felt perfect. I guess I’m speaking specifically about Dougie in the casino. :) I later learned by watching some behind-the-scenes footage that David is in fact making up some of his films in the moment, as he’s filming. He definitely did this for The Return. I think for a lot of people this is a turn off. No one likes weird for the sake of weird and there’s need for solid meaning behind any ambiguity. But like you said, if you trust Lynch’s imagination, it works, and that is because, I feel, he seems to have tapped into a kind of dream logic we all share. His ideas will resonate with you if you let them and don’t overanalyze. The story will register in your mind on some primal level, even if you can’t explain it. Maybe that’s why I find him so inspiring. Any idea you have, no matter how weird, is valid and should be turned into art without fear that it needs to adhere to a ridged discipline or needs to be defended."