#i deem Kenny & Cartman & Stan potheads and the three smoke together

[despair-sauce]

Cartman at Kyle's: Stan & Kenny on Sunday Afternoon (Part 3)

The brisk cold of South Park Colorado temperatures is what woke Kyle up to begin with.

He opens his eyes to first look outside, which is pretty bright out, then his clock which says 11:13am. Then he checked his phone to see three messages from Stan.

SBF: Hey dude, me and Kenny will be over in an a couple hours

SBF: Get ready! It'll be so lit!

SBF: It's me Kenny! Hi mom!

Kyle sighs and puts his phone on his desk stand. He tries getting up but something rather warm and heavy is stopping him.

Cartman is wrapped around him like a koala pretty much, and that doesn't stop Kyle from grinning like an idiot. He runs his hand through Cartman's hair and decides since Stan and Kenny will be over in no less than an two hours, it's finally time to get up and get ready for them, Cartman included.

"Cartman wake up," Kyle says nudging Cartman pretty hard. "mmgmmhm," Is all Cartman responds with.

Kyle wasn't taking none of it though "No, come on we gotta wake up, it's eleven in the morning and Stan just texted me that he and Kenny will be over in a couple hours."

"ngmhmm Kyle, fucking stop, we'll be fine," Cartman says throwing his hands over Kyle's hips trying to bring him back down.

But Kyle was too fast for him, he wriggled out of Cartman's grasp and got out of the bed anyways. "Come on."

Cartman finally opens his eyes and looks at Kyle, smile forming on his face. "Has anyone told you that you're pretty hot for a Jew?" He says in a tired, and raspy voice.

"Don't start," Is all Kyle says, but that question still makes Kyle blush pretty bad. "Get up, go home and get changed...but come right back okay?"

"Okay okay, fine, I'll go," is all Cartman says to Kyle before throwing himself off the bed and trudging down the hall, down the stairs and out the door.

He is standing on Kyle's front porch, stretching his limbs and yawning. His eye squint from the sunlight, but he looks in the distance to where his house stands and finds his mom getting out of the car.

"Well goddamn, finally," Cartman whispers to himself. He didn't take his time walking to his house, rather, walking pretty fast so he can talk to his mom...and so he can get back to Kyles house quicker, but talk with mom before anything else.

He noticed the front door was unlocked, so he just walked in and looked for his mom, where he found was in her bedroom at her vanity mirror taking off the light makeup she where's on the daily. "Mom."

Liane looks in the mirror at her son and smiles with that warm smile she always uses and responds sweetly. "Oh, hello honey, how was being at Kyle's? I thought you were there until tonight?"

"I am." Is all Cartman says. He crosses his arms and leans on the frame of her bedroom door. "Mom, you're old enough to know better not to go back to that sleazy motherfucker! You know better not to be acting like a child!" Cartman yells. "Eric, I will not tolerate you yelling at me like this," Liane says in a stern, but still soft tone.

"And I won't tolerate you coming home drunk or out of your fucking mind every night! I'm sick of it!" Cartman says throwing his hands up. He closes his mom's door subconsciously even though they're the only ones at the house. "Mom, I'm being fucking serious, you gotta fucking stop. I don't want to come home one night and find you fucking dead on the kitchen floor."

Cartmans words begin to break a little after saying his last remark. "You got to lean on me sometimes mom, you're all I got when it comes to family."

Liane looks at her up son, who's trying his best not to cry. She gets up out of her seat and gives her son a big hug. "You're all I have too, honey, oh Eric."

She is rubbing small circle's on Cartman's back, letting Cartman cry on her shoulder.

"Let's watch a few movies tomorrow, after you get home from school, just the two of us?" Liane asks Cartman. Just then he stops crying and nods. "Yeah, that'll be good, we'll both be home for once," Cartman jokes lightly.

"Now about you still being at your friend Kyle's-" Liane starts off but Cartman cuts her off. "Oh shit yeah, I gotta take a shower and get changed."

"You do what you need to do honey," Liane says, and walks back to her mirror to take off any makeup she has left on her face.

Cartman takes long showers. He says he doesn't mean to, but it usually happens anyways. Twenty minutes later he gets out of the shower and walks to his bedroom to find clothes to put on.

He eyes a dark blue shirt and a pair of black pants, and decides it's fine day to look 'swag.'

Putting them on he walks to his mirror to check himself out one last time before he walks back to Kyles.

Right before he opens his bedroom door to leave, in the corner of his eye he sees his signature red jacket thrown in his bed, from where he last left it on Friday night.

'You know what? Yeah', he thinks to himself, before quickly snatching his jacket and running out the door.

While walking over to Kyles again and throws on his jacket and feels the warmth it gave him over the years.

Cartmans house really far away from Kyle's house, so it doesn't take forever to get there, much to Cartman's delight.

He feels like since it's only Kyle there, he lets himself in and announces to Kyle. "Honey, I'm home!" He hears rustling upstairs and a few seconds later he sees Kyle walking down towards him.

"Changing clothes does not take an hour," Kyle says upsetly. "Sorry, I took a shower, and I had to talk to my mom," Cartman says, making Kyle feel a little guilty.

"Oh sorry, I didn't know she was home."

"Yeah, she just came home, so I'm on the same boat as you," Cartman says rubbing his face with his hand. "She's a piece of work."

"All Cartman's are it seems," Kyle teases. "Hey! I am literally so amazing, you're just jealous my swag overpowers your nonexistent swag!" Cartman boasts.

"My nonexistent swag?' Kyle asks laughing. "So I have no swag, is that right?"

Cartman laughs and responds back, with exaggerated crossed arms and a shit eating smirk. "That's 100% correct, you wouldn't know what swag is until it comes up and runs you over with a semi."

"Oh yeah, I'll bet," Kyle says sarcastically while turning to sit down on the couch. Cartman soon follows and sits right next to him.

It was silent for a whole five minutes until Kyle breaks the silence to ask a pretty loaded question. "Your mom okay?"

Cartman sighs and responds with a small smile. "Yeah, she's fine. Well, in my standards she's fine. A psychologist though? I dunno."

"That's good, at least she's okay," Kyle says back with a smile too. Cartman would rather talk about anything else than her right now so he decides to change topic.

"So, Nature Fucker and Food Stamps, they coming yet?" Cartman asks

"It's funny, you rarely call them those types of nicknames in front of their faces unless you're mad at them, also, yeah they should be here soon," Kyle mentions.

It's true, unless they pissed him off, or he's joking with Kyle, it's always Stan and Kenny, not Hippie and Welfare, or Tree Hugger and Poor Boy.

"That's because if I call them their lovely nicknames, they'll probably cry or go die somewhere," Cartman chides, knowing damn well they never cried once over his nicknames.

"Oh whatever, you love them," Kyle teases. "Ever since you turned 12 or 13 your whole attitudes improved, I'm proud."

"I don't love Emo Hippie and President Poverty, they fucking suck, and two, I uh. Proud is a very big stretch-" Cartman blushes.

"No it isn't, im actually very proud of you, we all are. You were a menace as a kid, but you're actually a really good person. I guess you've always been I just had to dig deep to find it," Kyle says, saying immediately what's in his mind.

Cartman at this point had to look away because he couldn't stop blushing, he didn't expect to hear all that. "You think your voice is so amazing, don't you?"

Kyle knows he's trying to deflect, so he tries harder. He turns his whole body towards Cartman and trudges on. "I'm honestly so happy that you've been here since Kindergarten, and never left," Kyle says, now scooting closer to Cartman. "I know you, I've known you for twelve years, and now," Kyle is now cupping Cartman's face with both hands, startling Cartman and making him blush even more than he already was, Kyle proceeds. "I can know you forever, if you'd let me."

Kyle presses his lips onto Cartman's, and Cartman just melts under Kyle.

God, I fucking love him, Cartman thinks to himself.

Just then multiple knocks came from the door, and they wouldn't stop. Knowing it was the boys, it made Cartman accidentally push Kyle off of him, which felt like deva vu to him, and ran to the door.

Kyle frowned at that, but still kept his composure when Cartman opened the door.

"Hiii!!!" Kenny yells out, running past Cartman and jumping up on Kyle. "Hi mom!" "Hi, Kenny," Kyle says, putting a hand on Kenny head.

"Wassup dude," Stan says to Cartman. "Wassup," Cartman pulls something out of his pocket and 'pretends' to give Stan a handshake, when really...

"You fucking suck, you damn hippie," Cartman whispers.

Stan let's go and in his hand is twenty bucks, two tens. "Right back at ya, fatass." After, he smiles and walks towards to Kyle giving him a hug too.

"Hey Ky," Stan says warmingly. Kyle smiles and hugs back, "God it's been weeks, how's the farm?" Stan groans, but still smiles through. "It fucking sucks, but I'll be okay."

"Ohhhh Ohohoh Cartman! Follow me!" Kenny says pulling Cartman's arm. "Aye, what the fuck?" "Weeeeeed!" Kenny whispers. Cartman is at crossroads. Smoke with Kenny and Stan, make Kyle pissed, or Don't smoke with Kenny and Stan, be sober and hate life. "Later!"

"What are you two being so secretive about?" Stan asks the two. "Bro we are talking about the good good!" Kenny whisper yells. Stan looks at Kenny, then Cartman, then Kyle, who by the way, looks irritated already. "Ky listen-"

"I expect it from those two, but you know better," Kyle says waving his finger at Stan. "I can't help that I have an addictive personality!" Stan exclaims. "Yes you can, by not encouraging them and doing it with them!" Kyle yells back.

"Kyle come oooon, weed can't kill you! It just makes us better dude!" Kenny desputes. Kyle looks at Kenny like he's just stupid and responds back. "It doesn't make you better, it makes you all giggly and stupid."

"Ugh Kyle you're killing us here!" Cartman finally talks, letting go of Kenny grasp and walking towards Kyle, bending down to his eye level. "Aren't you tired of being so stuck up? Don't you just want to have fun and live a little, jew?"

"It's not about that, it's the principal of it," Kyle answers. "If you three must, just don't force me to-"

Stan cuts him off. "Of course not dude, we know none of this is in your ballpark, you're good."

"Yeah mom, we won't make ya unless you wanna!" Kenny says wrapping his arm around Kyle's shoulders. Cartman gives him a 'let go of him or I'll kill you' type of look, and sadly let's go.

"You three I swear-" Kyle states. "All of you! All of you are children!"

"That's why you're mom! You take care of us!" Kenny says excitingly.

"Unfortunately," Kyle responds back, walking towards the stairs. "Unless you three want to be complete idiots now, by all means stay down here and be complete idiots, but I'm going to my bedroom to watch movies, if you three feel like joining me."

Cartman annoyingly sighs. "Kyle, you fucking suck, you are literally a buzzkill." Kyle looks at Cartman, anger starting to rise. "Don't fucking start, Cartman-" "Okay okay, don't fight, we're coming," Stan says, trying to be the devil's advocate. He starts walking but Cartman and Kenny don't move. "Come on!" Stan fastly whispers. That makes the two move, and up all them go upstairs and into Kyle's bedroom.

They all sit on the floor with Cartman on the right, then Kenny next to him, then Stan next to Kenny and Kyle next to Stan at the other end.

"What are we gonna watch, mom?" Kenny asks Kyle, with a confused face. "It's called the Butterfly Room, I heard it's insanely scary!" Kyle says excitingly forming a big smile on his face.

Insanely scary?

Oh fuck.

Cartman doesn't know if he can handle insanely scary. Especially not in front of the guys.

"Dude that sounds so awesome!" Stan says excitingly too.

"If it's bad, I'm going kick your ass," Cartman says to Kyle, which annoys Kyle greatly. "You want to do that anyway, jackass" "Yeah but this will top the cake, you fucking jew." Cartman replies.

The movie starts and so far it's fine, it's creepy but Cartman can handle creepy.

Cartman is so happy that it's the afternoon, and not night time. Insanely scary things are insanely scarier at night.

About an hour in and Cartman is trying his best not to take his eyes off the movie, in hopes the guys won't see how internally freaked out he is.

It didn't take long though for Kyle to find out, and the following conversation happened.

"Kenny, we went grocery shopping a few days ago, make all of us something."

Kenny gets up off the floor and exasperates, "Oh yes! Free food, hell yeah!"

"Stan-"

Stan proceeds to get up and cut Kyle off, pulling him a reassuring smile, "Don't worry, I'm going, no need to make an excuse,"

It seems he already knows also.

The only ones in the room are now just Cartman and Kyle, sitting on the floor. Kyle is looking at Cartman, and Cartman is looking anywhere but Kyle.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm perfect," Cartman responds a little too coldly, still not looking at Kyle.

"Yeah, I'm so sure," Kyle deadpans. He gets up off the floor and sits on his bed, feet dangling off the floor a little bit. "You could have just told me you didn't want to watch it-"

"Yeah because telling you something so goddamn retarded is really easy for me," Cartman says glaring daggers at Kyle.

Kyle didn't mean to, but his anger started to flare up again. "I don't know what you're so pissed off at me for! It's not like I forced you to watch it with us!"

"I'm not pissed off at you,"

"Seems like it,"

"It always seems like it, doesn't it?" Cartman asks, lying face up on the floor, looking at Kyle with a face mixed up of fear and anger.

Kyle felt guilty for getting so mad, but he can't really help it. "I thought you could have handled it-" He said, accidentally riling him up.

"It's not about me handling it or not, it's about not wanting to look like a pussy in front of the guys, so I decided to watch it anyway!"

Oh, so that's the reason

Fuck

"I'm sorry," Kyle says, trying to calm down his irritation.

"There's no reason to be sorry, you didn't do anything," Cartman says while sitting back up, trying to shake his nerves.

"The guys will leave in a few hours anyway.." Kyle starts off. "After, you wanna.."

Cartman looks at Kyle who looks embarrassed, and gleefully smirks at him. "Oho? Are you asking to halfway fuck me?"

Kyle blushes at what Cartman says and stumbles on his words. "halfway fu- no, I- yes Cartman, that's exactly what I'm asking you." He deadpans.

Cartman laughs at Kyle blushing. "Good, because if I asked you, it would have been depressing."

"Depressing?"

"Yeah."

"How exactly is you asking me to make out with you depressing?" Kyle asks, confused

"Because!" Cartman yells out, making Kyle jump. "I'm like the super mega awesome cool one, and you're the frail dainty charmer! It's only obvious I wouldn't ask!"

"I am not frail and dainty, jackass!" Kyle yells out, pointing at Cartman. "Wasn't it just two days ago you asked me if we can make out? Wouldn't that make your excuse invalid?"

"No because even if I did ask you, just because it would be depressing, doesn't mean you'd say no, now wouldn't it?" Cartman asked, ending his question with a smirk.

Kyle blushes again and is baffled by what Cartman said. "I don't say yes everytime..."

"No, but now that I know you absolutely adore me, all those no's are completely erased!" Cartman says joyfully.

"Wait wha-" Kyle had no time to react, when Cartman practically jumps off the floor and crushes Kyle in a big strong hug.

"Cartman, get off!" Kyle says, laughing while talking. Cartman starts to laugh too, while Kyle is trying to get out of Cartman's grasp. If Kyle really wanted to, he'd be out of Cartman's arms by now, but it seems Kyle is enjoying this small moment too.

"But I loooooove you! Don't ruin my moment!" Cartman dramatically says. Kyle stops trying to move and just hugs Cartman right back. "You're a moron." Kyle says with a big warm smile on his face.

They wouldn't know this, but behind the bedroom door lies Stan and Kenny who are listening to pretty much everything Kyle and Cartman were saying. Stan is more shocked than anything, and Kenny is in a laughing fit.

"Kenny quietly down, they will hear you!" Stan loudly whispers. Stan whacks Kenny's arm and he tries to quiet down. "Dude I told you they would fuck, it's just a matter of time!"

"Kyle and Cartman, huh." Stan tries to piece together. "They're total opposites."

"Not really when you think about it. They're both smart and hot-headed," Kenny tries to reason. "They fight so much because they're more alike than anyone."

Stan stands there for a second or two just listening to Kyle and Cartman laugh and compliment each other.

Kenny starts to smile and rubs his hands together all evil like. "Lets ruin their fun time!" Kenny says and busts open the door, running into the bedroom, leaving Stan surprised.

"Ken, wait!"