#i decided this drawing deserved its own post instead of just the poll i did previously because....why not!

[hime-uzura]

mizuki akiyama x himekaji fashion (follow up to this mizuki x fashion post)

[flowgninthgil]

So here I am in a corner of the second floor (two floors above the ground floor) of on the buildings of my campus, eating a cheap ham and cheese (pretty sure it's butter since it doesn't taste like any cheese I've ever had) sandwich, listening to Fishmonger album on loop.

Why did I decide to get that cheap sandwitch, a banana, and whatever english people call that third pastry, instead of getting a real meal with my friends? Who knows. I just feel so...

empty

I've noticed how people need to know they're not alone in their problems, and I'm thinking on doing a series of blog posts, starting with this one, just... telling my anxieties and whatever I feel like I'd want people to tell me.

I just wish I could believe myself.

So, yeah, people notice you, and not in a bad way, some people you're not even sure you'll ever be able to call friends will nod to you when they pass you.

Your friends don't mind you not spending time with them, it's alright.

I think

It's ok to have missed an evening/night out, you weren't here to know they'll go out.

No one's gonna talk to you if you close every door

One of my friend isn't here today, I hope they're not out burning themselves out to help everyone again. I miss them.

That last fucking line made me tear up a bit.

fuck feelings. How am I supposed to know I'm aroace when I don't know where I'm supposed to draw the lines of friendship? I can't even stop being anxious about it since putting my head on the shoulder of someone started a relationship.

I want physical contacts. I want to feel loved by my friends.

I wish I knew how to show people that.

And I'm surrounded by communists, trotskists, and anarchists, it shouldn't be hard.

I don't want drugs to make me forget, but everyone make it seems like the easiest answer. Fuck alcohols.

Shut your mouth, listen up when I talk, I'm a spoiled little brat, and I get what I want.

Shut your mouth, listen up when I talk, I'm a spoiled little brat and I get what I deserve....

Punk is hope

But I'm lost

And I can't see the shorelines around me.

I just have to reach out, don't I?

Okay, this is going waaaay too far.

fuck me

heh, I don't want that, I'm aroace.

but this whole shit got me thinking of suicide.

Nothing bad, on the contrary, I don't understand suicide when you got nothing to escape.

If life is just a dull cruise through life where you never stop to watch and take in, then suicide won't end shit, since there is nothing to end.

You'll only hurt the people around you, and if you got nothing for you, why should you take what others have?

Damn, I hope this is not going to turn into a weekly vent of my feelings, I'm not sure how much I can tell while not giving anything telling about myself.

Fuck me, I already gave my phone number to bilibili, why'd you do that shithead.

I'm gonna use Cunt as a insult now, because fuck that poll about if people found it offensive or not if they were british, aussie, kiwi, egomerican, or none of those.

Y'all lot of cunts, y'all are my fav fags, be happy in life. If I can't bring my own happiness, I might as well give other some I found on the way.

Fuck the cynicism,

Let the colours fly,

Don't care you think it's cringe

Because it's not your life.

Ravel in your friends and hobies,

Let your heart speak.

When a drifter say some shit,

just block that internet freak.

I just really don't care,

Put your hooves in the air tonight,

I wanna fall in love with everypony,

We gotta set the street alight.

Everything's so fucked and I'm tired of being scared,

So let's get out and fuck up equestria.

Fuck the mandate and the monarchy,

This our world now.

Do or die, you'll never make me.

Because the world will never take my heart.

Go and try, you'll never break me,

We want it all, we wanna play this part.

We'll carry on.

Big up to that plant in its pot at my right,

[mizuribbons]

they're so cute <3

mizuki akiyama x himekaji fashion (follow up to this mizuki x fashion post)