#i deadass whispered to my therapist the other day that I’m trying so hard to genuinely like life for myself for once And i felt corny af
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#i tried a new dealer this week bc my weedman went to cali & it’s not that I’m not impressed but like#what weed will wipe my hard drive completely or let me blackout for three months and resurrect brand new???#obvs not the shit laced with fentanyl or dmt smh#anyway I’ll be in maine in like two weeks before starting the new job and i might take a smoking break…#but the break will actually be detrimental for those around me so maybe it’s best i stay safe n cozy in my high lol#I’ve been trying so hard to LIVE and let go of my idea that i was born chronically suicidal and wrong and whatever#and it’s p cool bc i’m like oh life can be chill lovely & even…enjoyable???!!!#i deadass whispered to my therapist the other day that I’m trying so hard to genuinely like life for myself for once And i felt corny af#but it was also true lol like I’m tired of hating myself all the time and i just want to be friends w myself already or like at peace#anyway I’m also considering checking myself into a mental hospital for a few weeks while I’m only doing online shit at my new job but…#I don’t see that working out and will likely just smoke more bc this is how i deal with shit now i guess#my birthday trip for myself was literally going to be a trip to the greenest hospital near me lol#but nvm! bc insurance :( and time :(( and capitalism :(((#personal
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