#i couldve put more effort into this but whatever

[turquoise-eyes]

Today I offer Harpilly. Tomorrow? Who knows

[ilovebeatingmywife]

this took sooo many layers

[bittercappuccinu]

tried drawing a wallpaper for myself :)

shadow alone below because i like how he looks more

[melbyware]

happy 17th anniversary, super paper mario! ^_^

[oozeandgoo-art]

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

hai guys :3

[toytulini]

Disclaimer im just processing some thoughts im not cancelling the show

have almost thoughts about how i find the like....narrative on here that if you have chronic "zebra" conditions youd want a doctor like House and wouldnt sue for malpractice bc at least youd have a doctor that cares about whats wrong with you but lets take it one step further. so often he does NOT give a shit about the patient and actively endangers them frequently with his god damn heoric era of medicine approach? non zero amount of times he gets a diagnosis but it comes too late, or he gets a diagnosis after their first wrong 3 guesses of the episode shut down the patients kidneys and they either have to get a transplant or they are just, doomed due to other preexisting conditions etc? idk. i know ppl are almost certainly exaggerating and just letting off steam about the very real failures of our current medical systems and the ableism baked in and All That Shit. i just think its weird how ppl romanticize House who STILL, FREQUENTLY, MULTIPLE EPISODES will actively dismiss shit in the exact way that is a problem in our current system, especially when hes being Forced Against His Will To See Clinic Parients, he loves to be dismissive as fuck of symptoms and if he was a real doctor i think he'd be fucking 50/50 on cases he Notices Something To Dig Into vs cases he dismisses as an Anxious Hysterical Woman Who Wants Attention, the only reason he's Right so frequently in his snap judgements is cos it reinforces the narrative. its like a crime drama that has the mastermind serial killer masterfully using "loopholes" and lawyering up all sneaky and dodging Justice and if only our poor little cop protags were allowed to do A TEENY BIT of Justified Police Brutality, they could Save Lives!

and like sometimes in the show they will have a patient die despite his efforts to narratively punish him. not to mention, i think its been at least mildly brought up and glossed over how much they absolutely do not think about insurance costs for these ppl for the insane amount of tests that find nothing and Wrong Medications To Force A Diagnosis they use? i think it was brought up once in the episode following a day in the life of cuddy where she had to fight a lawsuit bc a guys insurance like didnt cover his thumb being reattached but chase reattached it anyway while in surgery cos it was The Right Thing To Do and the guy didnt have the money to cover it and the insurance wouldnt pay unless he sued the hospital or whatever. thats like the only time its come up. whereas like frequently the doctor I go to for osteopathic manipulation tries to check in with me and make sure im covered by insurance etc and that im not going to go broke or get buried in medical debt seeing her.

idk. just some Thoughts. not a defense of our current system and all the flaws it enables and enforces etc. his approach to medicine is really reminiscent to me of what I know of the Heroic Era Of Medicine which i dont...love? and hes framed on here as being an asshole but would kill for his patients to get them a diagnosis etc. but hes definitely extremely paternalistic to patients ? and despite some good clippable lines about ableism and being against eugenics, it honestly feels like his stance on that is kind of a toss up.

[literaturebf]

the fact that we got more explicit sex scenes with mickey and whatever random girls he was fucking than we did with ian and mickey is just crazy

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: loser!chan, virgin!chan, sub!chan, afab reader, smut, dry humping, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, etc.

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

wc: 1943

a/n: upon absolutely no demand whatsoever, loser!chan makes a comeback

masterlist

loser!chan who feels like he's about to cum his pants at the sight before him, laying on your bed and mouth agape as his eyes are unable to remove themselves from your figure.

it was like you wanted to kill him. it was already bad enough that you jumped him every single time he crossed the door to your apartment throughout the entirety of the bio project you'd been working on for the past month (his first ever b, a feat due to his lack of ability to concentrate whenever you were sitting in front of him). now, even after the project was done, you kept seeking him out, always giving him insane pleasure with the barest of touches. it was like you got off at the thought of chan cumming with your most minimal effort.

chan couldn't complain, really. he was absolutely obsessed with you. thoughts of you plagued his mind day and night. he couldnt concentrate at school, always looking forward to any time you'd send him a text along the lines of 'miss u channie :c come see me?' you had him at the palm of your hand, and he loved it so bad.

today, you had pulled a new one on him. the two of you arrived at your room, deciding to settle on a movie (that's right! he moved past study buddy to, uh, whatever it was that your relationship was by now). you put on the movie, excusing yourself to go to your restroom really quick. he didnt think too much of it, simply settling on your bed and eating some of the popcorn you had prepared. he had less of a hard time relaxing around you now. it'd been two months since that first time you'd made him cum in his pants when be came over to your place for the first time. now he was able to hold conversations with you, but was still extremely shy when it came to any sexual encounter with you.

his thoughts were unable to progress past that the moment he heard you clear your throat, signaling your return to your room.

holy shit.

the sight before him was one he had only ever pictured in his most intense wet dreams about you (which happened more often that he was willing to admit). you were wearing objectively the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. it was a cute pink lacy set. it was almost completely see-through and with cute little flowers embroidered onto it. it was adorable, but you werent. you were the sexiest thing he had ever seen. he couldve sworn his dick stood right up just at the sight, already leaking with arousal.

"do you like it, channie?", you purred as you crawled on the bed, not bothering with the mess you created upon pushing off the snacks out of your way.

your eyes carried a lust chan had never seen. he felt like prey, and that excited him like crazy.

"y-you .. fuck ..."

"yeah, channie? tell me," you now sat atop his form, which had been him sitting cross-legged on your bed. his hands immediately went to your hips, making you push yourself even closer to him, "tell me what you think. is it pretty? do i look pretty for you, channie?"

he nodded enthusiastically, "yes. you look so ... fuck, so beautiful ... you're perfect."

"aw, thank you, baby. you're so sweet," you had begun pulling off his clothes the moment you sat on him, somehow managing to even get his pants off despite the awkward position (with his help, of course). letting you undress him was second nature to him by now. his body just moved in place to allow you access to his almost completely bare body.

he felt goosebumps form at the way you softly ran your hands throughout the entirety of his skin.

"channie ..."

"yeah?", his eyes couldnt help but stay glued to yours, wide and waiting for whatever command you had for him. he'd do anything you wanted. you were so good and pretty, all for him. it was the least he could do.

"want you ... want you so bad, channie ..." your hips were lightly grinding against his, probably out of second nature by now.

"y-you can have me. i'll give you anything," his hands were running up and down your body, loving how you leaned against his touch.

"anything?"

"yes."

"can i have you, channie? can i ... can i sit on you? fuck. ive been thinking about it nonstop ... just want you so bad, please, channie. can i?"

oh, god. he wasnt going to make it. you were begging for him? all while he was willing to give you anything you wanted. there was no reason to beg, but it was making him lose his mind. the thought of you finally wrapping around him made him moan out loud, digging his head into your neck as his hips instinctively humped against yours.

"baby ... can i? please, please, i'll do anything."

you wanted him dead. there was no other explanation. he was already crying out against your chest, nodding like crazy as he kissed at your skin. he eventually pulled away to look into your eyes, with his own glassy at the insane lust clouding over him.

"yes ... please .. anything. i'll give you anything, just-"

you interrupted him with a kiss, shoving your tongue in his mouth immediately as you pushed him down to lay on his back.

"oh, channie. ive wanted you for so long, you have no idea. i ... can i have it raw, baby? please! just ... ill let you pull out, i promise. im on birth control too. ill take plan b. i dont care. anything, just please, channie ..." you licked at his moaning mouth throughout your entire plea, knowing how much it clouded his mind when you played with his tongue.

he cried against you, begging for you to do whatever you wanted to him. nothing was off-limits. he wanted your cunt more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. he'd do anything for it at this point. lust had completely taken over his mind, making him moan like crazy at any one of your touches.

you made quick work of your lingerie, throwing it off with no care for its state. you had more pressing matters. it seemed like your brain had also been taken over by lust, even showing it in your desperation in ripping off his boxers. the way you wanted him had him throwing his head back. his glasses were completely foggy by now, not allowing him to see you very well. he went to take them off, only to be stopped by you.

"no! baby, keep them on, please. you look so sexy with your glasses, channie. keep them on? for me?" it was impossible to say no to you when your fingers were pulling at his nipples and your bare pussy was grinding against his length.

"y-yeah ... anything you want ..."

"anything? can i sit on you now, then, channie?", yes! you couldve sat on him the moment he first laid eyes on you at the beginning of the semester and he would've thanked all the gods for allowing him such pleasure.

"p-please ... need to feel y- shit!", you interrupted him by finally lowering yourself onto him.

"oh, channie ... fuck ... feel so ... so full," you sighed from above him, speeding up almost immediately at the pleasure.

he had no time to process the feeling, immediately losing his mind to the feeling. there were no coherent thoughts left in him. all he could do was cry as you rode him. you went crazy above him, practically humping him while you cried his name. he finally opened his eyes back up, falling further into insanity at the view in front of him.

your head was thrown back, with your eyes closed shut. one of your hands was on his chest for balance, while the other played with one of your breasts. the view literally made him salivate, having never been able to picture such an erotic image of you in his head no matter how hard he tried. this would ruin him. he was so addicted to you already, he knew that this would only make him fall even deeper.

"f-feel good, channie? tell me. wanna make y- fuck ... wanna make you feel so good."

"y-yes. fuck ... you- you're so perfect ... w- want ... shit. please ..." he had no idea what he was begging for, he just knew he wanted more.

"fuck me, baby. need to feel you. yeah? just ... your hips, baby, please."

he was delirious, but he was conscious enough to follow your every direction, digging his feet flat on the bed and beginning to thrust upwards, lacking any rhythm whatsoever. but it was enough to have you leaning over his chest and crying his name. it was also enough for chan to lose all control and begin ramming into you like a madman.

there was no control left in either of you, just humping against each other like animals in heat. he wanted to cum so badly, but not as bad as he wanted you to cum around him. the thought of you creaming against his dick made him throw his head back against the bed, eyes rolling back.

"ch- channie ... so fucking good. such a good b- boy for me. sweetest boy, shit. you're perfect, channie. and all mine. go- gonna use you all the time now. want you to give it to me every day. you will, wont you? give me what i want? let me sit on you every day? please ... need more ..." it was like you knew exactly which words to say to push his buttons. he'd give you anything you wanted. there was no need for you to ask.

he was about to blow his load, suddenly remembering you said you'd pull him out, but having his thought interrupted by you reading his mind once more.

"inside, channie. please ... i know- know it's not safe, but please ... im on birth control, its okay, channie, just- fuck! oh, channie! shit!", you began moaning uncontrollably, suddenly freezing above him as your walls tightened against him. you had finally reached your peak, dragging him right along with you.

he had orgasmed with you before, but never like this. he couldve sworn he blacked out for a few seconds, feeling his head go completely blank as he let the pleasure consume him. his voice went as high as ever, expressing the loudest moans he had ever let out. by the end of it, you were both empty shells of yourselves, landing against each other's bodies as you attempted to catch your breaths.

"baby ... are you okay? did you like it, channie?", the first thing you did was check on him. it truly made his heart soar.

"i love you."

shit. he hadnt meant to say that. he didnt even know he was feeling it? he was half-aware his feelings for you went past just attraction, but what he had just felt only confirmed it for him. he wanted you all to himself, except now he might lose you over his lack of control over his words after you got a hold on him.

"you do? channie ...'" you paused, "i love you too," you sealed your confession with a peck, still sitting on his dick, but ignoring all the juices traveling between the two of you.

he felt insane relief, deciding to further wrap his arms around you and pull you directly into his chest.

"'m gonna keep you now? mkay? you're all mine now, channie."

god, was he more than okay with that.

[jiraiconfessions]

you know, i really do hate everyone in this community, and i really mean that. you can sit there and try to act as unstable as you want but in reality most people here are surrounded by loving families and this is just the modern version of the 2015 edgelord emo phase. none of you do fucking anything jirai-like except sit there bitching about shit you could easily fucking fix if you put any effort into doing so.

"i cant make friends" "im so suicidal" "i just wanna cut" i dont fucking care. can you talk about literally anything else? yeah its an unstable subculture thats very true but are you like actually aware that the reason you arent making any jirai friends is because nobody wants to be around people threatening to cut 24/7? its the same in japan, i feel like some of you have this weird notion that jp jirai are all friends with each other and dancing around in lovely circles while being drunk on the streets but in actuality its just like literally any other friend groups where people fight and cry and then never see each other again. except when you fight with a friend in one of those groups theres a chance theyll fucking overdose and die in the streets without ever having a chance to fix it

youre all so fucking weird. all of you, none of you are free from this except for maybe like 2 people in the community. "i want to join the toyoko kids" "i wish there was an american version of the toyoko kids" then go outside and fucking talk to the homeless people around you, they'll hook you up with drugs and alcohol so you can run around the street like a real toyoko kid. oh, wait, but none of you will because the fact of the matter is you dont actually care about the lifestyle itself you just want to be around cute asian girls— you know its fucking true, reposting random photos of random jp jirai from twt with some shitty caption above it, acting like you fucking care. one of the biggest girls who gets posted in those memes is currently going through domestic violence and is posting about it on her twitter, and for a community that "cares" about each other ive seen literally nobody giving her any support or anything. just more shitty reposts of her photos going like "omgggg this is so me >.<" like id fucking hope it isnt you.

by the way none of you freaks wanting to be a toyoko kid could survive it. you scream and cry when theres a pedophile in your dms but if you were a toyoko kid those same people would be dictating how much money you get to spend that month. "ewww there's a pedophile in my dms" omgggg no way?? in the community commonly associated with child prostitutes theres a pedophile trying to talk to you?? who couldve seen that coming

none of you have the right to sit on a high throne and call yourself "real jirais" when the only lifestyle you fuckers engage in is being minorly mentally ill. none of you get to sit there and call people elitists when you actively look down on sex workers and people who can afford higher brands. btw if youd have done literally any research youd know that the style is indeed called "jirai kei" in japan, and not dark girly, but that point has been hammered to death on this blog so whatever.

anyway to the non fetishisers in the community i love u

TL;DR A vast majority of this community consists of people who do not understand the struggles of Japanese landmines. It gets to a point where the complaining can be insufferable, and often misses the mark entirely. There's a huge fetishism issue, and a lot of landmines on here just want to be around Asian girls. Also, it's not called "dark girly," it's called jirai kei.

(Hopefully that covers it effectively.)

Normally I'd just flat out queue things, but I'm going to post this one immediately. Anon, I don't know who the user you're talking about going through DV is, since I'm not active in those spaces, but If you're able to please do send another ask sharing her username. I would like to post anything I can to help her.

Also, I personally would like to thank you for pointing out how people look down on sex workers. I don't usually insert my own opinion but as a former sex worker myself I often feel left behind in this community. Thank you.

[xxjeffthekillerxx]

so ive always indulged in minecraft content as escapism my whole life, and revisiting all that is really nice sometimes, but with the way the internet has changed just by the effects of covid alone, its becoming more and more difficult.

when i was in middle school and watching aphmau to cope with illness and such it was the same thing for me as being in the dream smp fandom in 2020. the difference is only that im allowed to revisit aphmau.

it wasnt that long ago that my ex friend would actively shame me in front of his other friends for being into the dream smp while going through one of the most traumatic things i couldve gone through while trying to transition into highschool

i can never fully trust someone who has "dsmp fans" on their dni because its a complete gamble on whether or not they just havent updated their dni page since 2021, or if theyre the type to have participated in the "rendering process" croaket hate campaign.

lets be real here, dream smp fans dont exist anymore. the series has ended and if you tried to get into it THIS LATE, youd have hundreds of hours of content to catch up on. no one is going to be putting that much effort into a series that is on 90% of all dni pages ever. the dream smp was something you had to be there for.

at this point, if someone has "dsmp fans" or god forbid the wretched "mcyt fans" on their dni list, it means they either havent updated their dni page since 2021, or it means they only put it on there so people wouldnt think they might be a dsmp fan baselessly.

im seriously frustrated with how if i want to talk about my experience during the pandemic, i have to completely omit a part of it that was so important for me as a child stuck inside feeling like there was nothing left to life anymore.

im not saying that its uncriticizable, im saying that mindlessly condemning a fandom that doesnt even exist anymore when its completely unrelated to you and what you post is ridiculous.

theres a LOT to criticize, theres a reason the fandom doesnt really exist anymore, but everything i see online condemning it is in the form of mocking neurodivergent teenagers who were struggling with their mental health during a NATIONAL PANDEMIC just because "lol cringe = funny." the teens watching werent to blame for all that was wrong with it. its not even that these posts are making just of the dsmp alone, thats whatever, its that in all of these posts, they just HAVE to take a jab at alternative styles and queerness. theres not a single one of these videos that doesnt just mock nonbinary trans people.

maybe im just rambling. its exhausting to see the person you had to be while the world was falling apart torn to shred online.

[psychelis-new]

thank you very very very much for my reply snd so sorry for my very long ramble. I guess I dont know what else to do atp, I couldve done much more had I not felt the need to fit in like everyone else is currently doing even memes are less entertaining as well as a lot fo it relying so much on the internet i just want to escape all of this nonsense i really do. like just yeet me into space then if anything. i dont care anymore for my life really. ik im probs just making excuses or sounding dramatic but it seems many others at leasdt have talents or something that they care deeply about. i just seemed to have missed the chances and since we didnt have any of this stuff when i was a kid

I dont particularly care for wealth yet at the same time that too is everywhere so its like fomo and inability to simply be satisfied in anything i like or do bc someone else has more or better things they are doing and its so easy to fall into the trap of comparisons, like so and so is posting their whole life online or so and so is exceedingly popular online and irl. i dont know lets just simply say that i keep feeling lkke a nobody and all anyone else on here seems ro say manifest xyz things and how age is just a number without knowing peoples past experiences or lack thereof skills and so on. i just dont even know what i want anymore either. its like im just a soulless blob in a pile of other blobs and everyone else is blobbing about stuff i dont particularly care about online.

i regret being born in my generation, i really do, theres almost too much going on at once but itd all digitalised rather than in person. even celebs dont seem to realise their devices can have an off button maybe if they werent online so much others would be inspired to do that as well but even if you go out anywhere people on their phones or go to concert let say people on their phones again how else to gsin connection with others when its all done via a horrid little screen which i regret buying but once again it is much required in todays society. theres certain things i wouldve loved to have done in previous generations or maybe had i been a different person of a different nationality but i still wouldve had to adjust to needing to be online for the most part. even just typing shit into google feels so soulless like i havw a brain but i dont need to think or feel and i dont need opinions cause someone online will end up hating me for it so thats out the window

As I was suggesting you, you need a break and find yourself again. You're too focused on what others do, who they are, and compare yourself to something that doesn't even exist (online world is pretty much like movies these days) and try to act the same as them to fit in (no but fr, who cares what celebs do online or how long they are online? it's their life, let them do what the heck they want -plus, they're often a brand with legs, they're making money that way...). But anyway you cannot fit in something if you don't know who you are and what you're searching for and if you don't know where you want to fit in (and where you actually can fit in without losing yourself -which you probably already did, in order to not feel left out).

You are worthy, your life is very worthy, but your worth is not outside, your worth is inside of you. Same as your talents and whatever good you possess (and don't tell me you don't cause everyone does). You cannot find it online or in strangers online, and for sure you won't seeing if you keep comparing with others and what they seem to have... so stop trying to do so. If others have fun online and have found their own place there, let them. Who cares what they find of so cool there. But if you don't, then it's time for you to find what you find funny by taking a break. Put in effort (the one you were calling for so much in the other ask) and find in yourself and what you want and like. The only way to find your soul inside of your blob is to look in that blob that is you and finding your voice. You cannot let others tell you who you are: only you know.

But it's useless if I keep repeating myself and you can't see you are worthy and not caged (you know it but still, you cannot leave the comfort zone you have created: you feel like you won't ever fit in and you keep finding comfirmations of it out of any interactions you have online. If you don't work on how you see things and yourself, nothing will change for real). You can think with your mind, you can believe other things than what you're told by society or people that only want to sell a product/gain from what they do (I already answered an ask or two on this... were they yours?). You can do what you would have loved to do in any other time: it's not about this generation, it's about you and what you want... don't find excuses to keep yourself out of what you desire to do or how you desire to live. Don't blame it all on this society, where you live and the times we're living in. You still have a choice, you can act differently and who the heck should care about it? If it makes you happy, do it. But if it's really so, if you know you'd feel better out of it, it's not the internet the problem, it's you caging yourself in a cycle that doesn't even exist (but was well created to sell products again)...

For real, take a moment for yourself. Maybe journal about how you feel, what you want and what you're searching for and then go find it. It may take a while and some effort, but you will make it. Maybe your people aren't online but at the supermarket you usually visit, or at the library or they share any other interest with you offlline. Idk. If you need connections, first of all connect with yourself. Then, you'll be able to connect also with others the way you need.

Again all the best! I know you're now writing me cause I am making you feel less alone, but I am not the answer you're seeking. It's only within you.

[worldsbiggestnerd101]

watched episode 7 & 8

carmilla or whatever her name is idr her song with vaggie is literally do it for her from steven universe LMAOO

I LOVE SNAKE MAN HES SO REAL LMAO

alastor and nifty my beloved duo they are so cursed

bro snake guy is iconic

EWWW WHAT HAPPENED TO ALASTORS VOICCCEE

what happened to alastor :(

NOOOO SNAKE GUY :(((

dazzle :(

i hope snake guy goes to heaven in his second death

once again i wish there was like two more episodes to explore the like. pre battle stuff. it felt like they just randomly turned to war while also deeply regretting it but there wasnt much effort put elsewhere. like the court n stuff! that couldve been fleshed out so much more and you can see the potentcial they just weren't given enough run time to work with :( especially with charlies song after the battle like! i wish we couldve seen more tension before the war

alastor is so fucked up im here for it

OH MY GOD SNAKE GUY WENT TO HEAVEN IN HIS SECOND DEATH

hello???? what didi just watch where is tje rest i want more :(

that was very fun i enjoyed thanks for listening to my rambles as i watched it LKASDJFH

yippee you finished the show!!

you're so fucking right it's just more upbeat do it for her

sir pentious strikes again being one of the funniest characters

reallll niffy's a gremlin and alastor just rolls with it

sir pentious is THE icon

yeahhhhh his voice goes normal for a moment it's weirddd

he vanished (temporarily)

yeah he gets poofed out of existence for a moment there

rip dazzle 😔

good prediction

yes yes yes!! this show needs longer seasons. 8 episodes is a crime and i wish we had more not just bc it's good but bc it needs it for pacing

alastor's a vibe honestly

YESSSSSS PENTIOUS ASCENDED

real but unfortunately there is none 😔

[jesskasb]

EXTREMELY LONG POST AHEAD YOUVE BEEN WARNED. DO YOU LOVE THE COLOR OF MY WORDS?

i've been so scared of posting my opinions about recent media because i want to maintain some kind of unproblematic agreeable image out here. i don't want to say i enjoyed something for fear that enjoying it means i am morally required to reblog or discuss every critique others have to make sure people know i am aware that it is not perfect. i suppose this comes from this increased ideology that people who like things need to do so critically at all times, and they need to demonstrate that or they're a bad person; which is stupid, obviously, but i have somehow internalized that because i wanted to make the small of audience of this blog to know im not stupid or "problematic" or whatever. which is another stupid thing to want because this blog is supposed to be for ME and not other people, and ive always tried to uphold that mentality by posting whatever i wanted and always saying my thoughts in the tags. but obviously, my feelings have had something else to say about it and ive been holding back opinions and expressing my enthusiasm for things because of how that enthusiasm may be perceived and misinterpreted, even though im aware that everything ever will be misinterpreted by somebody eventually and that is out of your control and its ok. this dissonance between what my logic tells me and how i actually feel has been bothering me a lot. even now im like oh i should put this under a read more so it doesnt bother people! while logically i know i want to post this as is because its some meaningful introspection for ME and thats what matters, truly. it's why i have this app in the first place. so i can express myself through text in eays i can't in real life for one reason or another.

either way it seems i've fallen into the social media trap of making everything content and palatable to as many people as possible, making things relatable and clever so others will enjoy it and i will be known as someone to be liked. all for the fleeting dopamine of a like and a reblog or a follow.

and then, because these feelings frustrate me and i have been in denial about them, i have also fallen into the trap of the "let people enjoy things" mentality. that scares me because it just goes to show how easy it is for someone to slowly get on the side of perpetuating a lack of media literacy or even shit like proshipping and stuff, when actually my feelings are not related to that at all but rather a dissonance between wanting to be palatable for everyone and wanting to talk about my interests when the reality is that there is not really anyone stopping me from saying whatever i want except for myself. im the only one who cares about this and the only one that is bothered. i've always looked down on a "what will they say" mentality and i hate that i've become so used to the way ive been thinking that i started ignoring the fact that i shared the mentality.

ok im just repeating myself now. point is. i want to work on getting back the mentality of posting for myself and being honest with my opinions not because i want to start discussions or get clout for being opinionated but rather because i truly enjoy analyzing things and expressing my thoughts. so. in an effort to do just so ive decided to unpack some of the media that have really reinforced the need to conform.

• let's start with the biggest elephant in the room: oppenheimer. i know! i know. no fucking wonder. "but hear me out!!!!" (headass need to justify everything i say and do so i wont be perceived incorrectly). i went to watch it with my stepdad at 11pm after the rest of our family went out to have boba tea without us bc we were resting, even though we LOVE boba and they couldve simply asked if we wanted to go. so the whole outing to the movies was spontaneous revenge and i loved that. it was a great bonding experience. in the parking lot we found two 20 dollar bills on the floor and the way we both dived to pick them up was hilarious. he was faster than me. we got some shitty churros and no popcorn and into the movie we went. now, the movie itself, i honestly did not like it and didnt have a good time, i was trying soo hard not to fall asleep. i was sleep deprived, tired, and honestly science and politics arent my thing at all. and that is obviously beside the fact that the whole plot was hard to follow because they tried so hard to make the audience sympathize with oppenheimer and frame it as if he really knew no better than to participate in the war and making the choice to kill thousands of japanese civilizatians. i was trying not to chew my arm off at the theater. ugh.

i will say i found the use of audiovisual distortion to represent dissociation and high stress brilliant. obviously its not the first media to do this but i think it made amazing use of the audio of a theater and the nature of film. i saw that post about how "if i cant see a movie in the comfort of my house and i have to go see it at the theater to get the full experience then its not very good" and i honestly think thats bogus. in fact im glad and i agree that something that can only be experienced in a theater full of people with good audio and a giant screen has value. chris nolan may be pretentious about it and fuck him but its like. the nature of a thater itself is not stupid and streaming it is different. theaters are about getting together with fellow humans and seeing something live and valuing the fleetingness of not being able to replicate that same exact experience again. whether its a musical or a play or a film youll never see the exact same thing with the exact same audience. and theres beauty in that.

• barbie was fun. it was different and refreshing from the usual stuff in mainstream theaters and i can really respect it for that. i cant believe mattel allowed that depiction of their own company to be in there but yeah theyre winning in the end. really good marketing. when the girl called out barbie for doing irreparable damage to the feminist movement i thought that was very based... im really biased because when i was younger, as a little hispanic poc girl who was chubby and kind of weird, i was just so bitter about everything that barbie was. because she wasnt me. she wasnt like me. she was like everything everyone said was pretty and that idea of pretty wasnt me. and i hated it. i wouldnt play with my blonde white barbies and i was obsessed with the one tan barbie with curly haired i had. she was a ballerina in a blue leotard and a tutu. i took off the tutu because i thought it was too feminine and i wasnt too feminine and i wanted her to be like me. but i still knew i could never be a ballerina because i was chubby and not athletic. it was the closest a barbie doll would ever get to being me though, and i was satisfied. i ended up relating more to my entire collection of g3 ponies than barbies.

going back to the movie; i think the message is important even if it wasnt handled perfectly. its a step in the right direction. we've been talking about this for YEARS and it has finally made its way to be told directly in an extremely mainstream movie. thats good! im glad! and i had fun laughing my ass off at the funny parts with my friends. i was ready to watch it alone after a hangout with my friends but some of them decided to join me and i love it. im very happy ive found people who want to go out with me and include me and like being around me and respect me. its been a while. i coughed a lot during the movie and my friend said "...do you need a cough drop, alex" at the end of the movie and i was so embarrassed and it was funny. my car keys fell in between the seats and it was scary but the employees were really nice about it. when magic ring ken appeared i yelled COCKRING KEN! and it sent my friends and a stranger next to me into hysterics. i had a great time and i wont forget it.

• good omens. neil gaiman has been a figure of great dissonance for me. i genuinely like his books and posts but im also aware that saying you like his work comes with all this other stuff that people assume is true, especially on tumblr, because he can also be really annoying. i dont support EVERYTHING he does of course but i love good omens and at the same time i was scared of what people would assume about me for sharing posts of season 2 and being excited about it. loved the first season of good omens and i was criminally deranged about it back in 2019. i liked the new season a lot! (SPOIILERS AHEAD SKIP TO AFTER THE Picture IF YOU WANT TO AVOID THEM) i missed the characters a lot and michael sheen and david tennant are just such stellar actors and you can really tell how much they like aziraphale and crowley. and gosh i just love when everyone involved in a production is as passionate about it as fans are. i will say michael and beelzebubs thing felt really fanservicey and i wasnt the target audience for their relationship. heres some more thoughts i want to share

besides that i mean fuck i would watch aziraphale and crowley talk about the weather for an hour. their banter is amazing. i also love the final episode drama. i just love mythology and exploring how all the fantastic bullshit fits into the real world. its why i like percy jackson so much, and i think gaiman really succeeds at urban fantasies (or magical realism?? not sure) extremely well. im not familiar with the work of terry pratchett but someone whose opinion i value likes his books so i wanna check em out one day. i had a good time with good omens and im excited for season 3. got a lot of theories but im lucky i have a friend to talk that to about so i wont keep you here much longer.

• the witcher. im SO passionate about the witcher show you guys have no idea i got my entire family to watch it and im able to connect all the dots and shit i love the world building i love the characters i LOVE LOVE JASKIER. but i hate the writing. i hate that i havent read the books and im progressing incredibly slowly through wild hunt so i feel like a poser and not a true fan. i hate that its so mainstream and i hate the way that i hate that. my feelings about this are not as dissonant and strong as the past three media i listed but i feel like it was the first straw. i just have this need to justify liking it and saying oh its not a good show but i like it haha sorry. IM NOT SORRY! I ENJOY IT A LOT, FLAWS AND ALL! AND I THINK ITS GOOD BECAUSE I AM STILL WATCHING! but i will stop watching after this season i refuse . liam hemsworth makes me puke while henry cavill is not only attractive but he genuinely cares about geralt and the witcher series and i dont want to watch something where the lead is just a replacement for someone who wanted better conditions and treatment and didnt receive it. fuck

• young royals. i just shat on it heavily back when it started trending on tumblr bc i thought it was some stupid teen drug show that had some shallow romance but honestly i think it was the internalized homophobia talking idk i gave it a shot and im LIVING for the drama and the cringe that comes with being a teenager and i love the setting and i love that everyone is so flawed and human and real.

• alice oseman's work. i actually dont know much about her as a person and author but i also shat on heartstopper when it became mainstream because the tv show annoyed me. i tried it, but the first episode left me feeling uncomfortable and icked so i quit and have been hating on it since without even giving the graphic novels a glance. i read the synopsis of her novel solitaire and a review compared it to catcher in the rye and i thought that was so fucking stupid. catcher in the rye, really? the creator of HEARTSTOPPER, making something that can even be of the same tone as catcher in the rye? bah, impossible. when i picked up i was born for this, i thought itd be a shitty and fluffy fan/celebrity book but i was just so desperate for trans rep. and then i pulled an all nighter to read it and i realized it was GOOD and had a lot of layers that impressed me. i had underestimated alice oseman's writing skills by SO much and i dont like thar i was so cynical. i started reading solitaire and man. it is dark. and evidently inspired by catcher in the rye. i am not done with it yet but from what i read so far.... holden, you have some competition.

solitaire is told from the pov of the sister of one of the heartstopper voice. through this book i learned that actually the heartstopper boy has a LOT of serious issues. i wonder if the graphic novels handle it better than the tv show. i hope they do! if they dont, then , well, i can say with confidence that i enjoy her books even if heartstopper isnt my thing.

ok i think thats all. if you read all that, post picture of an animal. i dont know. like and subscribe! i am growing as a person and i think thats beautiful. whatever. rolls my eyes and walks away

[syrupspinner]

i just beat Hell Pie

eeyuck

right away, my favorite parts of this game is the movement options. a lot of times its clear that platforming is just treated as a door with an ability-shaped keyhole. in Hell Pie, all your moves are optional while still being valuable. there were a lot of times i biff a platforming section that i totally couldve made with the moves available to me, but then i saved it with a slick use of my kit. when youve got a platformer with this n64 style (as opposed to something with more focus on parkour, for example) thats the best you can ask for, in my opinion

on the other hand, i think the visual design is the worst part of the game. i can recognise that it is competently put together and designed cohesively, with all of the areas being inspired and unique. that said, there is a through-line of gross-out that i never really got past. like, on the beach level, in addition to just... being a straighforward beach level, youve got a little offshore area with innsmouth people, theres a theme of heavy pollution in a lot of places, there a suchi restaurant inside a whale with all the gore and pus they can justify, and also (i am not kidding) literal nazi shit. as in, you do into the sewer, and pieces of feces with the moustache will seige hail before shooting at you. you do you, but its just not really my thing. the pearly gates were the best part, because it had the cohesion and direction without being worn down by the grossout

also, minor nitpick. why do you aim the canon with the right stick? i think it really should be the left stick, but maybe thats just me. i mean like, i get that you use the right stick to look around and stuff, but if youre moving a canon, thats like a centre-stage movement, yknow?

the controls in general are just a little unintuitive, but not enough to ruin the game. like, switching horns with LB and then using your horn ability with RB. i dunno why, but that just took a while for my brain to adapt to. on the other hand, there are a lot of little touches that make up for it. i like how when you attack, you dont have to time your presses with the combo. if you hit x three times, you attack three times, even if you mash it in like a frame

and i know youre not into games like this for the story, but the ending was pretty lame too. the boss was an interesting idea, but the execution was just kinda... platforming. i feel like jak and daxter had a good idea of the best way to make platformer bosses, and a conveyor belt to the weak points isnt it. and then the gatling gun section was more annoying than anything. the ending is bad on purpose as a joke, which is the same as being bad normally but the creators can feel superior for not putting in any extra effort.

so at the end of the day this was... fine? if youre the kinda person whos interested in literally just gameplay and nothing else, this still comes with caveats like the collectable requirements for the horns being too high, the game having no real reward for collecting all the ingredients, and just... how much the 'comedy' weighs the experience down. its not totally worth skipping, mind you, cuz the gameplay really is just that well made and solid as a collectathon. id 100% it if there was like, a way to zero in on missing collectables instead of just stumbling around aimlessly or just replicating a guide for the last 30% of neko or whatever. thats a compliment, i dont usually 100% a game i dont like! its just.... ugh. this is how girls feel when theres a guy whos cute, he has a sturdy job and treats you nice, but there are just enough things about his personality to make your friends cringe when you mention him.

so like... well, there isnt a demo. i guess watch the nitro rad video about it? thatll give you a better idea of if you can tolerate the game's... personality

spinny tip of the day: you dont need the light horns for the moldy yogurt or whatever in hell's freezer, you can just use the echolocation effect from your default horns

[whosmaggy]

consumption is an art!

sure spending time, hours, days, blue moons, to make media (oft referred to as "art") is hard. but there is something more difficult, more taxing, that is glossed over. consuming that work. maybe it doesnt take as long, partially because i watch everything in x2 speed (x3 where applicable), but it has also taken forever to build up algorithms, limestone slab by limestone slab, to get the beautiful (artistic) gallery of content i consume. was it susan wojcickis and marks code? no! it was my commitment to the craft. the craft being figuring out how to destroy the pleasure sensors in your brain the fastest. anyways here are some of my favourite pieces of content because more than consuming it, i love archiving:

this is one of my favourite videos and its from one of my favourite channels. the animation work, narration, concise detail, and the simple enjoyment of watching it put it in my top 3 of this year.

i try not to consume true crime, desensitization and all that (dont let the first 2 videos here fool you). however this is well written, produced, and sources are provided. its also not made to trivialize. i think about ada and matthew everytime i see a firetruck.

on a much lighter note (but not really because scammers are very evil) this video make me laugh out loud! i used to love scammer videos, this one is great!

i have always found "body language experts" slimy creeps that want to profit off of talking out of their asses about whatever glorified gossip topics they cover. kind of like the daily mail. this video has great research and funny as well. (amber heard i will always hate what they did to you).

I HATE JOE. is it self indulgent to watch this and then spend 30 minutes going through the comments to feel vindicated knowing other people also hate him? yes. the video is good tho!

I LOVE THIS VIDEO! something about it will appeal to everyone. pretty much everything about it appeals to me. the first time i watch it was long before i even started playing roblox.

must include this because i am a tumblr fanatic. love all of her videos tho! this one is nice and sweet (couldve been short n' sweet if sabrina had been consulted).

and to prove that i can read: Salt Houses by Hala Alyan! very well written. i havent finished it yet, but shes a talented storyteller, and i hope she knows she captured the generations in Palestine in a way so beautiful, they can never be taken away.

survivalist stuff is my cup of (mint) tea. this video is in algonquin provincial park, and i am nothing if not patriotic (ummm), which makes it perfect. #ontario or wtv.

media consumption can kill the mind. i have tired to only consume things i know have had effort and care put into them. i (clearly) have no moral superiority (i can often be found on reels, its a sickness) when it comes to being off that damn phone, but using media to learn and grow, and also support people that arent puppeteered/sponsored by large companies has become important to me. im aware that time is money in a metaphorical way, but you also turn your time into real AMERICAN (usa, usa, usa) money by viewing this and that. i prefer that money goes to people that care for their craft and arent outwardly (i have no clue what these people do when they arent making stuff) shitty.

its late. Good night!

love,

Maggy 🦷