#i couldnt look myself in the mirror before but its even worse now ouagh ouagh

[yutadori]

weight mention // + body image //

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both my parents have commented on my weight in the past two days and it usually wouldnt get to me because that's something that's just so #normal in my life but it has been really affecting me like crazy because i Have gained a lot more weight in the past year or so even in the past few months and it IS making me feel so insanely crazy awful like they really dont understand and i dont think they ever will. it's frustrating to have to hear how much it disgusts them time and time again like i GET IT !! i know !!!!! i hate it too god it's literally the body i live in do you not think i Know do you not think im aware of how it looks or how it makes me feel ?? ill never understand why people feel the need to tell people who arent skinny to lose weight / that they arent thin like omg... its literally their own body that they live in wtf . it sucks because i figured that maybe my mom would have a bit of understanding but it's possibly worse with her... she lost a lot of weight in the recent years and she's been way more cruel to me about my weight than before and i think it's because she sees it as "i was able to lose the weight why cant you it must be because you're lazy and enjoy being Disgusting 😁" and it sucks so bad esp with my recent weight gain which is a result of #coping with loneliness and all my other gross feelings lol . i have a dinner with my cousins in an hour and they're all way thinner than me and i cant help but feel like absolute ass about it ouaghhhhhh