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olusegundare · 6 years ago

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Brother Samson and Sister Debbie’s Story Continues

ENQUIRY (june 18, 2014)

(Editor’s note, this is assumably the beginning of a disturbing msg received)

I have resume office work again afta 2 weeks leave...it seems as if d management @ d headquarter has been calling on our office for assistance on d new contracts d company I work secured lately. The staff @ d headquarter are fully occupied on d earlies contracts execution with these additional contracts, d managmt requires additional hands, heads, 2 be able 2 meet d targetted dates of filing d contracts reports. All d branch managers within d island has been invited 4 an adhoc meeting on how 2 go abt d work & d resolution of d managmt according 2 my boss is dat capable & excellent hands 4m all branches should be used 4 d work. All d branch managers have submitted d names of those in their branch who could be moved in to assist the headquarter staff in executing these projects and my boss said my name is among the names of staff he submitted@ d echelon office who could be moved in for these works.

So, I have been expecting a memo from the headquarters of the move, and how to go about it generally. Ofcourse "mai" lord has been intimated of this new development and of d fact that I may leave for the headquarters any moment from now to return weekend and or perhaps two weeks time.

This initial plan of going to headquarters to work with others changed bc d world is now a global village with the development of internet facilities as such the board of directors had an adhoc meeting in which they reviewed the earlier plan of moving people from other branches of the company into d headquarters by writing internal memo to those branch offices that all shortlisted names should stay in their branches and that they will send the materials to work with at their ends unto those branches. They added that, were the managmt to move all shortlisted names, the management will be looking for befitting accommodation for them 2 work in, and that they are not sure of good accommodation that they can secure within that short-time limit which will give all the staff time, comfort (relatively), to maximally work to produce the optimal result within dat short time frame. As such, d management has decided dat all should be in their ends, use the instruments provided in their branches to get the desired results within the shortest time frame possible, the management also wishes to tell all the concerned to ensure that they beat the submission time and date.

The materials to work with will be forwarded into the branches' email boxes from whence we are expected to copy those forwarded messages into individual staff's system and if need be print them out for diligent studies, effective work and prompt completion with onward filing of the report back to the headquarters.

When my boss finished briefing us; four other persons and myself, of this latest development and the need to get prepare for rond the clock work as from the following day, because according to him by then the materials to work with ought to have fully been in the branch office's email box because the management is uploading those files now and after the files full attachment they will be sent.

After his briefing, I, Debbie, was chatting with mr. God-is-good (aka GG for short) on our way back to our respective offices.

"I have been thinking that I will have rest a while before I start some other series of work in this office", Debbie said.

"Me too. I have just finished one last week. It took me time before I could complete the work. No thanks that you were not around, bc I know that u would have assisted me assuming u were around", mr GG SAID.

"Eh-hen? But what about my deputy? Was he not intimated?" Debbie asked.

"He was intimated. He was quite aware of d work, but he could do but little. He has no knowledge about the application required to use", Mr G.G said.

"He grasps things easily. Why dont u teach him how 2 go abt it?" Debbie asked.

"There was little or no time for that and besides he also has some assignments he was battling with which he was not expected to drag into this week", Mr G.G said.

"Okay. Thank God for the success. Pray that God helps us in this new assignment in Jesus name. Amen", Debbie said.

"Amen o...and how is evangelist doing?" Mr G.G asked.

"Splendidly doing", Debbie said.

"It is quite a while that I see him last, I know since u are around now, I will see him before your resumption", mr G.G said.

"Sure", Debbie said, walking 2 her departments office while mr G.G opens d door to his office.

"My regards 2 him 'sha'", mr G.G said.

"Okay sire." Debbie replied as she increased the pace of her walk.

"Olorundara" is d name of mr God-is-good wich is the english translation of d Yoruba name, "Olorundara". But for conveniency's sake, we call him mr G.G for short in d office. He is dark complexioned man, about 169 meters in height, oval face with pointed nose, jovial and accommodating. We attended the same university together, but we did not study the same course in the University.

He was a politician in d school, he was a senator representing his level at the Faculty, but now he is not interested in d politics of the Island, he said, he joined campus politics as a fun, but such couldnt be said abt d outside politics, "it is at the moment dangerously dangerous" he said. He is brilliant, but he is always in a haste to get things done, which sometimes results in mistakes & d need 2 start all over again. The managmt of d company employed us at d same time & day & ever since then have we been close friends in d establishment. He is married with two kids. He wants "mai" lord & I to "pack off the ground the smelling thing", for we are not growing younger. He told me that on our wedding day, as God spares our lifes dat his wife will do our wedding cake, even if we want it 2 be one million steps dat he will foot the bills. His wife knows how to bake cake, it is 4m her dat I learnt how 2 bake cake too. She is a good lady or is it woman now, 4m a responsible family. Before she married mr G.G she asked me about her spouse to be. This is bc she was my junior in the Ladies Our Hope High School (LOHHS) within the Island. She is a graduate of College of Education. Everyone was taken aback that she did not go 2 University, bc she was brilliant and had one of the best O/Level result in the LOHHS in her set. So ordinarily no one had dreamt nor thought about it that she wouldnt go to University. She told me dat it has ever been in her mind to teach, a teacher of children is what she had ever dreamt of. So she said afta graduation 4m LOHHS, she just looked for an institution that will give her better insight into children education, instruction & teaching, and d reply she got was dat Colleges of Education has different courses that have to do with teaching children, so she did not think otherwise b4 seeking admission into one. After being admitted into the school, her performance was excellent in her department and faculty. She was one of the leading students

And during her graduation she received awards as an outstanding female student among other awards. After her graduation she was employed by an Internationally Sponsored Kindergatten and Nursery School in the Island. The school is a new school under the auspices of the Global Children Education Monetary Scheme (GCEMS) in collaboration with the government of the Island to see to the welfare, education, growth and development of children. Their salaries come from the GCEMS & the govt of the Island. GCEMS contribute 85% while the govt of d Island contributed d remaining 15%. The Salary is essentially based on what is obtainable, what is applied at other developed and advanced countries of the globe. Not many people know this. They are special teachers amongst other teachers in the Island. The GCEMS considered them special because they know that such stage of development in children is very vital and dat if a child misses it at this stage, the child may eventually missed out in life. So, best hands are required, employed for these children to handle them. In this school, there are several age growth aids for training the children. According to them, seeing is believing. Children love things they can see. Children appreciates better what they can see and handle. They easily grasp their whatever they are being taught when they see and handle them. So as not to make their education as if what they are being taught are mirage, the GCEMS do send in teaching aids, from their headquarters. They required best of hands to handle such instructional aids as well as coined out several mnemonic for the children during this tender age of their. Even since She has been employed has it been discovered that she is doing well, extra-ordinarily well in her chosen discipline and particularly in the school. She has won several awards session after session for the school and the Island as an outstanding children teacher and instructor. She won within her Local Government,

She won award within the Island. And several times have people from headquarters of GCEMS visited her school, even un-announced and dey discovered dat she was an instructor per-excellence to the children, so recently she won an international award too. This award has never been won by anyone within our Island, the country and indeed continent. I am proud of her. I am proud to be associated with her. This is because she discovers what she wants in life early, what she loves becoming and she pursued it with all her vigour. She did not imitate anyone. She did not deviate. She did not yield to pressures to go and study what her mind did not love studying. Despite the fact that she had an outstanding Ordinary Level Result, yet she opted for College of Education and now she hopes to have additional degree because the institution from which she graduated is now affiliated with a University. Her course has just been introduced into the University system, and it is about two Universities that is approved to lecture and award a degree in that field to students within the Island. Her institution was given a privilege to admit students in that field, either those who have graduated or those who are at the verge of graduation to continue with their studies to get a degree. So, she has applied for the studies, and she will hopefully be admitted. When she contacted me to know about her hubby to be, mr G.G, I downloaded all of mr G.G's characters for him through my buccal cavity. She was very glad for hearing all I said about him because she said she has just come across him then. She came across him where she works, bc he, mr G.G used to take his brother's children to the Nursery School where she teaches and instructs children. Coincidentally, One of the children mr G.G brings to the school is in her class...thru this they become friends, exchanged their fone numbers, as well as become friends on facebook and other social media. "One day", she said, "Mr G.G asked him out on

"one day", she said, "mr G.G asked me out on facebook, I was thinking he was just joking and wouldnt consider him serious, but few days after, he re-iterated his words, ofcourse this time with stronger words of love...I again thought well another second degree joke, so I wouldnt treat his utterances with utmost import...the tertiary degree of love advances made me say, "ohun ti enia ba ntenu mọ, bi ko ba dun enia o si ndun mo enia ni", so, I had to have a pause to look for someone who perhaps know him, and when I discovered that you know him, I couldnt but come to you to ask for some salient things about him even before any other things, and so I have to book appointment with you to see you and u of what u know abt him and having heard all, I say thank u aunti", she concluded. "If you are interested in going out with him and ofcourse marrying him, you should not keep him in suspense, you shd not delay the take-off of the relationship...but if you are not interested, you should not hessitate to shove him off as soon as soon can be", I, Debbie told her that day. She replied that she would act out to the letters my instructions. When I was offering her dis advice, I was yet mostly singularly single. Obviously trusting the Lord then for my partner to surface at any time. I have though known "mai" lord then bc we attend the same church. "Mai" lord again has a special praying group which I am a member. It is one of the members of the praying team, (I think the person is one of "mai" lord, Brother Samson's converts), who coined out the name "mai" lord at our prayer gatherings. And with the continual mentioning of "mai" lord, "mai" lord by that person, it became a generally acceptable word amongst all members to call him within and without the praying circuits. Out of the few spinsters who do attend "mai" lord's praying session, I have never dreamt he will ever come to me. I have not for once thought about it. All I just do is come, pray, tell him about my problems

If any, and he will profer solutions to it as best as he can. He has been wondrous to all members of his praying team. And generally we all held him in high esteem. Every1 of us has been close to him. Ladies, brothers, marrieds, engageds, singles, children etc. So, I did not think about him at all. Me? I am small compared to others whom he has been and he is still ministering to. But alas! He came to me. I was "shy"...I was lost of words...I did not know what to say immediately he came... So, I admonished her based on natural instincts that if she was interested in mr G.G, she shouldnt waste the man's time as well as hers. Afta accepting the man's proposal, i think they must have talked about me and so, I saw her in my office one day she closed from work...some minutes afta, I saw mr G.G entered my department, ever since then has she been visiting her partner, waiting for him in my office. When we close they will leave 2geda bc mr G.G has a vehicle. The vehicle is given him by his brother. Mr G.G got an apartment, 2-bedroom flat 6 months into their relationship. 22 months after, they got married. So, mr G.G and I have been close friends, he was very elated to know "mai" lord and has ever wanted us to make everything snappy...but "mai" lord feels otherwise. Although his advices are good, which is usually based on d fact that both of us are ripe for such, but then, "mai" lord says, "none of them will live with us, none of dem will offer us supports post-marriage wise, and since we understand ourselves and where we are heading for, it is no crime doing things our ways". That is what we have been doing, building a virile relationship and love, building our careers: for "mai" lord business, and for me, my academics...and ofcourse with spiritual not suffering or backwards...so far it has been respledent. So mr G.G entered his office while I entered mine

On entering my office howeva, I saw my love's several missed calls and a text on my fone, d text is 4m d former students' sister leader in the on-campus fellowship I attend...

PROGRESS. (June 4, 2014)

Sister Debbie In her tertiary office, kitchen, trying 2 cook d food dey will eat, she has put d water on fire, it was just yesterday day she came & prepare stew & potpourri vegetable with sliced animal's liver, sliced animal's lung, crayfish etc when she finished d preparation of dis vegetable, she thought broda Samson would eat it, but he did not taste out of it complaining about indigestion of d foods ate earlier on...And since dey left 4 d church earlier in d day 2geda, dey were unable 2 eat anything b4 going 2 d programme...

Sista Debbie wanted 2 boil rice, fried some plaintain which will be eaten with d potpourri vegetable. Broda Samson likes eating rice with fried plaintain called "dodo" in d local dialect and since he has not made mention of a particular food, "I will boil rice & fry plantain", sista Debbie soliloquized in her tertiary office.

MY LOVE, Debbie is energetic "sha", hardworking, disciplined, respectful, loving, caring, it is now I really, really know dat God has actually compensated me with dis woman, some complained of how troublesome their spouses were during courtship, but, nay, nay, dis lady, for she hasnt given me turbulent times like others claimed 2 experience during their times of courtship. Or maybe she is still pretending, bc I do hear people say some wil hide their behaviours during courtships only 2 become cancerous with metastatical foci all over d place post-wedding wise, people say, dey usually do dat bc dey have known dat d ring, wedding ring, has entered their fingers & nothing can remove it again..

People say some deliberately do court wedding, to seal up everything, and dis acquisition in court wil give dem license to misbehave aftawards...

Some unbelievers howeva said these can only happen 2 Christians and believers, bc according 2 dem, if any lady mis-behaves afta marriage, irrespective of d kind of marriage...dey wil ask d court 2 dislove such union, for according 2 dem, what is d length of years one will sujjorn..

..on earth dat one will not enjoy his/her life, dat one's liver will not rest on gall-bladder, so, they finally enthused. They do add that they cannot withstand psychological stress dat a nagging partner will give, as such dey wil prefer separatuon to developing serious problems which wil be d end product of psychological stresses they wil pass tru 4m nagging, unrepentant & shallow thinking stressors. It is now a recurrent decima as one hears abt divorce here, divorce there these days...infact, some partners whom, I, Samson, think assuming they are distributing for free marrital separation they cannot be partakers of it have since gone their separate ways, due to what dey most times called, "irreconcilable differences"... Such utterances usually beat me hollow, bc I dont know what dey call irreconcilable differences, I dont know how such happen, bc during their courtship era, dey were always 2geda, they were as "1s and 2s", they were as "As and Bs", they were like twins, they were like south and North poles in Magnestism, they were like unlike terms in Chemistry, which usually attract themselves...but post-marriage wise, they become like terms always repelling themselves, and d repulsion sometimes goes to d extreme such that some wouldnt even want 2 see their erstwhile's partner's feaces on d dunghill...It is that terrible! This worrisome development in some families, has over d time been making me belied that majority of people during courtship hide their characters from their partners...and I have been asking myself, "is Debbie also not hiding her characters from me?" I cannot answer that for her bc I do now know her heart, people say, "heart of man is wicked", as d bible said in d book of Jeremiah, but a regenerated mind, a renewed heart, ought not to be wicked and evil. I know so far so good, she has a regenerated heart, as such, a pure mind & heart...I pray Oh Lord, dont let her be feigning her actions toward me, and if she Is not a hypocrite as I assume she is not

..at the moment, Oh, Lord, do not allow the demons to enter her, do not allow d wicked ones to misdirect and mis-instruct her, deliver her 4m demons of pride, let your angel of love continually guide and guard her and "US", LET OUR LOVE continue 2 grow, all these I asked for in Jesus name oh Lord. Amen". The paid TV is on, music oozing out of the speakers, sista Debbie is in her 3rd office, kitchen, & broda Samson in d parlour each subsumed in thought. Bro Samson is neither listening to the music despite the fact that he loves music and d particular muscician's album playing nor watching the paid TV sports being aired, he is subsumed in his thought about his jewel, his love, a beauty exemplified and demonstarted, he is deeply lost in thought of what lies ahead of their future 2geda as one indivisible entity... Sista Debbie in her office abinitio xpected broda Samson, "mai lord" as she usually calls him, but when she did not see him in d 1st 5 minutes that she got into her office, she left the expectation of him and was busy humming softly to herself one of d new songs she learnt. Her thought was that her love is enjoying a program being aired in one of d channels...So they were at different ends, managing the affairs on going in their minds. The new apartment gotten by broda Samson is a room & parlour self contain, just as d saying goes dat "as d hand of rat is, so it uses it to clean its face". He has gotten this apartment not too long ago 2 give adequate room 4 his love's visiatation anytime "T", and to put some things in place in the apartment. Broda Samson could now afford a much more costlier house or apartment than the one he got, but from buz experience, he has known that gotten something costlier would affect some other innovations he wanted to add into his business as such he decided to make it a low profiled one, and since he has a lovely, Godfearing, understanding, love, partner and spouse in Debbie, there is no iotum of problems, they are happily in love

..with their love waxing hotter, to use the physicists language and their love growing to go by the way of the agriculturists, yea, farmers...they can afford whatever they want to eat without fear of running into debts...and all glory 2 God, Sista Debbie's academic is also on the progress side, un-affected, she is also enjoying the full support of her boss and other members of staff in her office...What else do they want God to do for them? They also have overflowing peace and joy of the Lord... So, broda Samson as a business man gets the accommodation now bc he can afford it from his business gains. Who can ever tell him that he will be able to secure such apartment 4m his business outputs in the past 4 years? Even if anyone did tell him, he may not believe it will come this soon, because of his financial status then, but everything has changed for brother Samson. One thing has helped brother Samson and that is he has learnt over the times not to rest or put his needs on people again because, people have always failed him, sometimes some failures may not be deliberate and at some other times some failures are deliberate, bc some people do not want others to exceed where they are, they want people who wil always kowtow to them, they do not want people to be free, financially free and otherwise... Since the time that he discovered this, about people, friends and uncles, even though he got to know this very late, but he "sha" know it, bc some are yet 2 come 2 such realization, as such they still depend on their friends, uncles etc's promises which have never worked out and which may never work out because it has not been working out for them for so many years, yet they have failed to retrace their steps, they have failed to re-chat a new course for themselves, they keep on holding to high-fallutin promises and re-promises. Although b4 he realized this, his social status had been negatively affected, with some mocking him, his peers, contemporaries, colleagues

..moking, but since he got to know people's stance, he has keyed into the Yoruba's saying that, "atelewo eni nikan ati Olorun eni ni ki i tani jẹ". As such he does not rely on people again. If anyone assists, Oh! Praise God, and if no one assists, Alleluiah to God all the same. This has been helping him and he is gradually breaking forth business wise within the Island because his business capital is increasing, he has paid up some loans he got from his group and he has paid half of the loan her love, Debbie, got for him... And their thinking now is on how to secure another loan which she, Debbie can now use as she wants. Debbie however wants another loan which she will get 2 be re-invested into her love's business because "irorun igi ni irorun eiye" so she said. But broda Samson has a contrary view based on d fact dat some of her juniors in d office are complaining that she is yet to get a car, so he wants her to buy a car with her new loan...Apart from this, bro Samson also said d car wil also assist in d business, as it wil help in transporting some goods to the shop and also dat d vehicle will make it easier for him to come to her end on the campus anytime. He adds that whenever she is around in the Island, she can go to the office easily, quietly and early with the car and or it wil be easy for him 2 come and pick him during break for lunch and closing hours. Sista Debbie was yet uncomfortable with his suggestion and she said, "what of the business? How do we increase the capital again? I know we have been enjoying the little sacrifice rendered and I feel the more input, the more the enjoyment, the more the peace. I want to enjoy more. I want the business' growth geometrically. I want acceleration for the business so as to open other doors for us financially". "I have balanced my loan in our group. I have also supplied my application form for another loan, this ought to materialize in 2 or 3 months time latest. When that is out, it will all go into the buz

It will go into the buz", bro Samson said. "Alright darling. I didnt know u have paid up your loan. But do u think that will be enof?" Debbie replied "But, I think I told u about the repayment? Maybe u forgot because of the exams. I paid it up two months ago. I ought to have gotten another loan, but maybe bc of economic meltdown and other unforseen situations beclouding our members lately which make the income of the group to reduce, this has brought about the rationalization of loans to members of the group, otherwise, I should have gotten another loan by now...Hopefully, it should be my turn in the next 2 or 3 months time... And if all things work according to plan, by God's grace I should be close to balancing up that of yours by then to also give room for you to get another loan" He said. "I think I remembered u saying something like that, but I did not actually commit it to my memory. That is by the way. My concern is, will the loan u wil get be enof 4 d expansion and growth of the buz? I know when your buz grows other opportunities will arise which will move you further ahead than this financially. I guess u think I am after any other things apart from your buz growth now. I am less bothered about what my junior ones in the office are saying. They have their goals. I have my goals. They have their pursuits. I also have mine. They know what they wanted. I have also discovered what I wanted and the means to achieve it. So? Why do I need to be perturbed by their rantings, choruses and utterances? What does it matter to me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing", Debbie shifts herself on the seat, and she continued to talk, "You have spurred me on academically. Assuming it is someone else, maybe I wouldnt be considering furthering now. But you ensure I pursue it. I am growing academically, why wouldnt I also want this business to grow beyond people's thoughts and imaginations? Why wouldnt I support your vision for the business to silence enemies? Why should I think

..think of mine alone? Why should I be inward looking based on some insinuations from some quarters, based on some rantings of people whom we will not live together as husband and wife. Who has contributed nothing to my welfare and growth. I do hear them. But their statements have no substance. "Mai" lord, I want this buz ascension, allow my new loan to be sunk into it again", Debbie enthused. Broda Samson having been moved by his love's utterances stood up 4m where he sat down at, walked to the back of the seat of Debbie sat on, bent himself as he rests his body on d back of d chair with d hands and said, "I understand u, but please let us do it like dat, let us use d loan to buy a car, it will be useful on both ends, useful for u, as well as being useful for me on the local runnigs at the Island and atimes coming to your end in school..." Debbie interjecting, "okay. If you insist, no problems. I have always been observing and doing what u said. You are the one who said the more the stock, the more the sales and the more the gains. You have also added that it is out of the gains that a buz person ought to be spending. I am not a buz person for now, so I want what wil bring us more profit, change our financial status as in we will be spending out of our gains, with the capital intact and growing. After which I think we can purchase car and cars easily. Do I need to add that our wedding ceremony's expenses too will be from the gains but not the invested capital. I do not want people to say it is bc of our wedding that the buz collapsed..." "I understand", bro Samson interjected. "I also see other opportunities opening up when this business becomes established. You may include other businesses as it has always be in your mind to go into agriculture, the establishment will make this easier...The bible also says, we wil lend to nations, but we wil not borrow", she concluded. "Thank you love. Let us follow my advice. Let us buy a car with your loan. It will help us.

...And as per the opening of other doors, the chains of opportunities that will follow, "eh", God will do it, and He wil do it even beyond our imaginations and reasonings, including our wedding. Everything will go smoothly and easily and we wil be spending out of our gains in Jesus name. Amen", He said. "Amin. O dara. Mo ti gbọ o. Ki ẹ ma ba sọ wipe emi na ngo se sọ erongba okan mi ni mo se sọ eleyi o. Ati wipe ki e ma ba ro wipe mi o fẹ fi owo mi ba nyin dá ni mo se sọ eleyi o. Bi ade ori eni ba se dara si, bẹ na ni awon enia yo se ma wo si, be ni awon enia yo se mo pataki re si. Be ni awon enia yo se ma bu ola fun si. Mo nfe ki won o bu ola fun nyin gan ni o. Iyawo lemi. Oluranlowo lemi. Emi ki i se omo aiye o. Eyin na le kọ wa ni igbagbo. Ohun ti ẹ ko mi na ni mo ntele o. I have concurred", Debbie finally said. "God richly bless you. God has been proving Himself in d buz and I am sure He wont withdraw His services bc we have also not renege our activities before Him. May we not fall ill. May all the doors of unwanted incidents that usually distort and avert, people's plans and thoughts never come along our ways in Jesus name. Amen" Bro Samson prayed. "Amin ati amin. Alright sire", she said. "But? Talo ba ẹ di irun ori rẹ yi?" Bro Samson asked. Debbie touched her head with her hand and said, "se ko dara ni?" "It is wonderful. O dara gan ni. Mo like rẹ. O wa mu ko look baby-ish", Bro Samson said as he touches Debbies head, using his finger to trace the furrows, and added, "sugbon, irun re fine gan ni o, ko tile ni idoti kankan". "Ẹ se. Hair-stylist mi na lo bami di i, mi o tile wa mọ wipe yo fine to bayi", Debbie said. "O fine gan ni. O wu mi pupọ. Bi mo se nfe ki irun ololufe mi ma ri leleyi", Bro Samson said. "Uhmn. A de o. E seun. But have you just noticed it "ni"?" Debbie asked. "I have been seeing it from distance but I have just appreciated the work done by the stylist ni. My standing behind you gives me ample opportunity of closer look", bro Samson said.

"Alright sire". Debbie replied, holding the hands of brother Samson as the fingers trace the furrows... Brother Samson remembered this discussion with her, the plans for the future. The plans on what to use the loans for even before it materialised. "It is always good to know what one wants to use loan for before securing it lest when one gets it one becomes a victim of personal mis-appropriation of funds which will ultimately result in debts later. As he continued, he suddenly remembered that his love has not surface from his office since she entered there, what is she doing he asked himself...arising from his seat...whistling...he wants to go and see his love in her tertiary office...

*LET US SEE HOW SHE WILL HANDLE IT (June 12, 2014)

B4 he, bro Samson, gets 2 kitchen, he stopped whistling & he saw his love, Debbie slowly jiggling but her moves does not correspond with d sound oozing out of d speakers, "she must not be dancing 2 d rhythm 4m d speakers" he thought, "what cld she be dancing 2?" He asked himsef..he later discovered dat her body movements is in sync wit her hum.

"Ko da bi enipe ebi tilẹ npa ẹ mọ?" Bro Samson said.

"Why did u say dat?" Debbie asked.

"Bc of d mood in which I find u "na ni"" he replied.

"Which mood?" Debbie asked

"Jiggling & humming",bro Samson said as he moves 2 her side.

"Oh! I am tryin 2 master some songs I recently learnt..."

"Is dat so?" Bro Samson interjected

"Yeah" Debbie said

"Do u want 2 exclude me 4m d setting?" Bro Samson asked.

"For ladies only", Debbie replied.

"So does it mean dat d song is not good 4 men?"Bro Samson asked.

"It isnt as if it is not good 4 men, but it is just dat The song is new & we want 2 keep it 2 our chests until d album is released", Debbie replied.

"But I also wish 2 know it maybe I wil become a part of d choiristers", Bro Samson said.

"Well, the song has nothing 2 do with choir, but a band, a group on d campus", Debbie replied.

"That is good. Let me hear it", bro Samson said.

Debbie clears her throat, "Hun-hun-hun" and she starts to sing, "Ololufe mi, Iwo nikan lokan mi yan, Ololufe mi, iwo nikan lokan mi mu, Ololufe mi/3x, Iwo nikan ni temi"

"Is dis d song u want 2 hide 4m me?" Bro Samson asked?

"I am not Done with it yet, the one i sing is its chorus, it has 3 stanzas which goes as this:

1. Bi eja ko se le wa la i somi, Beni ngo le wa la i si ẹ, Ife Re/3x, Lo gbe mi ro.

Chorus.

2. Eiye ki fo ko fori sogi, Ife mi si e ko le ku lai, Ife mi/3x si ẹ wa titi.

Chorus.

3. Eru ki ba kiniun lodan, Be leru o bami lati fe e, Ife mi/3x lailai ni si e."

chorus".

"Uhm! Its wordings are lovely. Who taught u dis song?" Bro Samson asked.

"Ẹ sa fiyen sile", Debbie replied.

"I want to be 1 of the group's instrumentalists ni, u know we r in d world of music", Evang Samson replied.

"So, can u love an artist?" Debbie asked smiling.

"Sebi u have also wanted me 2 be an actor. You also can bc an artist. "2 ge 4" niyen", Bro Samson said.

"O ti da be", she replied.

"Who taught u?", Bro Samson asked again.

"No one. I have been developing the song 4 quite a while, I just feel like re-hearsing it 2da, so as 2 have a full grasp of it b4 I sing it 2 u, hoping dat u wil approve it, and den we can go 2 d studio later", Debbie said, as she started slicing the plantain.

"It is a lovely song, with instruments, who knows it may win award in d Island", He said.

"Uhm! Thank u. I am not expecting something akin 2 dat, particularly as a 1st album", Debbie said

"Dont say, dat. Have u heard of a man called Tutuola, he was a writer, his novel won an award, he neva thought something like dat would happen", Bro Samson said.

"Uhmn!" Debbie replied.

"When God anoints a song, it may be a chart-burster irrespective of whether or not it is the 1st album", Bro Samson said.

"Well. Until then. But for now, my concentration is on "mai" lord, crown, gem, heart-beat..", Debbie said.

"I thought u wld prepare something faster than dis since u said u were damn hungry", Bro Samson said.

"I guessed as much, but having ate some slices of bread, I am not as hungry as I was when I entered d house, dat is why I decide 2 prepare rice & fried plantain...it is equally a fast food, at least when one has two fire outlets", Debbie replied.

"It is true "sha"", Bro Samson said.

"So what is being aired? I thought u were enjoying what is being shown on d paid tv?" Debbie asked.

"There is nothing spectacular at d moment, it is just dat I was expecting u 2 come and join me, but when I did not see u I decide to come and see how far with u here", Bro Samson asked.

"Ẹ se. I guessed as much too", Debbie replied.

"I hope there is no problem with dat sista?" Bro Samson asked.

"Oh! I have said we wil discuss her plight when we are eating", Sista Debbie said.

"The elders say it is not good to talk while eating", Bro Samson said.

"O dara o. I hope her plight wouldnt be more than what she told me 'sha'", Sist Debbie replied as she turns the plantain she was frying and continued, "she said she got engaged to a brother in the church not quite long ago, and dat everything was smoothly going with dem until she decided 2 brief her friends about her new found love...and her friends on discovering that she did not play hide and seek game with d brother dat she had not fared well, so dey adviced her to play games with the brother a while 2 ascertain his love 4 her...she also yielded 2 their advices, started playing "boju-boju" with the brother... I think afta a while dat she started her games with d brother, d brother became pissed off, creating communication gaps. When d sista noticed dat things were not as before between her & her love, she decided 2 come around 2 sort things out

But wen she got to the man, d man was too cold for her, she thought d man ought to hav warmly received her more dan he did but nay he did not & has not so given her befittin welcome since den...", she turns d plantain being fried again, as broda Samson opens d rice 2 see d level of d water on it & she continued...So, dis lass sensed "fire on her roof-top" & had became restless until she saw me in d church@ d program, wen she saw me she said she heaved a sigh of relief dat I am around bc accordin 2 her she has been thinkin on who 2 run to, 4 counsellin on d crucial matter b4 her heart", Debbie concluded. "Uhm! Wat was your advice 2 her?" Broda Samson asked. "Wel. I admonished her of d need 2 find her lost keys, wat she was doin before dat makes d brother love her & want 2 marry her. I told her dat wen she found dose lost keys she must begin 2 use dem so as 2 draw d man's heart back 2 her 4m wherever d heart has been taking to. I told her dat she shouldnt hav followed her friends' advices bc people are different", Sista Debbie said. "Wat was her response afterwards?", Bro Samson asked. "She ought 2 leave d island next week, but afta listening 2 wat I said, she said she will stay around a-while to settle dis matter with d brother b4 leaving", Debbie replied, as she removes d first batch of d fried plantain 4m d hot vegetable oil into a clean plate & puts another set into d hot vegetable oil. "dat is d mistake many people make, ladies &brothers. Many usually want 2 thread the paths taken by their friends, but dey usually forget dat people are different, destinies differ. A friend may do somethin which will work for him or her, but dat does not mean it will work for d other person. And because such has worked 4 such people many a one will want to follow suit, dey will want 2 do likewise. Some also take d teachings dey listened to sacrosanct, dey consider it as if it is d best & dat oda views or opinions apart 4m dat must be falacies..which ought not 2 be so. Wat one shd do is take d necessary points out of such teachings & instructions & leave d rest, but nay, nay we would do dat. I have also been a victim of such teachings & hav been following wholly some instructions of a particular man of God dat I like on marriage, it was one of my uncles dat God used 4 me 2 break dat jinx 4m my heart, wen, I have a re-thought, a re-orientation, dat was wen, I could come 2 u & I was hopin it will be as usual, but it turns out not to be as usual with u as you accepted me...& here we are now blessing God. I sincerely do hope d sista wil listen to your counsels & get everythin straight with her lover", Bro Samson enthused...d rice is now done, she removed d pot 4m fire & put d stew dia to warm as Sista Debbie continues with d frying. "I made it clear unto her dat, dia is no all-round instructions on how to become engaged, who to become engaged to, wen to become engaged...wen dey are believers & dey have prayed on d issue & dey loved themselves..I told her of d need to express her love to d broda in question & shouldnt give in to d detractors counsels again..I adviced her of d need not to avoid communication gap now dat dey r in love and dat dis is d time 4 her 2 start plannin with d man, 2 start understandin themselves, knowin each others likes and dislikes..." Debbie said. "I pray she yields to dat", Bro Samson said, as he takes out of d fried plantain & started eating it. "But, "mai" lord, she said u know d broda, & would want u 2 be a mediator btw him & her", Sista Debbie said. "No one has in the recent times discuss his/ her relationship affairs with me...needless to say dat I do not even think I know dis lady in question", Bro Samson enthused. "Neither do I. I think she is d silent type in d church until she travelled. But she knows us very well", Debbie said. "Eh-hen?" Bro Samson said. "Yes. She said d broda in question was d one u assisted 2 get a place near d campus wia he opens a barbing salon shop", Debbie said. "Oh, Oh, Oh. I know d broda. Straightforward, diligent, principled broda. But he hasnt told me about his marrital life, although I asked him sometimes about his marrital life & he said everythin is fine. So i did not bother myself 2 go deeper dan dat dat day." bro Samson said. "Since u have known d broda, dat is d broda in question. How can u mediate btw dem?" Sista Debbie asked. "Alright. Do not let us be too forward on dis issue. Let us see how she wil handle it b4 we intervene. But I am sure if she changes her disposition, acts right, starts expressing her love as u hav counselled, d broda wil change & dey wil get on wel again", Bro Samson said. "So we shd stay action abi?" Debbie asked. "Let us stay physical actions, but join them in prayers..& u shd monitor her of d devpts..if things get resolved, without our physical interference, what else do we want?" Bro Samson said. "Nothing", Debbie said as bro Samson takes anoda plantain into his mouth & Debbie said, "ẹ ma jẹ dodo yi tan kato jeun"

Sista Debbie says, "Let me try my fingers a while, as I await "mai" lord" (March 25, 2015)

My Sun of Love arose out of her closets,

He emanated out of the east of Love,

It was not brightly shinning when it arose,

Nay fewer disdained my love and lord,

Simply because of its low intensities,

In love I found my sun of love,

As it moves along its concentricity, its arrays of light began to increase in intensity,

All spectacles on my Sun of Love now,

The heat from my Sun of love was nay harmful,

The beneficials from my Sun of love could nay be estimated,

Living things convert the heat from my Sun of Love to other lovely things beneficial to self and non living things,

Non living things under the intensity of increased heat 4m my Sun of love become adorable and cherished,

Interstingly, my Sun of Love, spotted me out,

My Sun of Love shone radiantly on me,

The dispersions from my Sun of Love revealed All the necessary rays,

One of the dispersions from My Sun of Love's penetrated my being,

The X-rayic events that followed bring me comfort,

I shone like glitering substance amongts other substances,

Then, I started to attract things to myself,

People started noticing me, as I matter among the many matters,

The disdainers, haters of my Sun of Love now want to block my Sun of Love from shining on me,

They couldnt do it...

My Sun of Love is yet growing...

I am now different amongst many because of my Sun of Love...

"Find your lost key", Sister Debbie said.

Our church in d island organised a special program 4 d singles...afta d program a sista approached me for counselling, I had 2 excuse "mai" lord so as 2 attend 2 her...we walked 2 a corner within d church premises, dia we discussed. "Sorry 2 disturb u aunty" she said. "It is my pleasure", I said. "My name is Feyisere", she said. "Uhm! It's nice knowing u. My name is Debbie", I said. "Oh, I know u. I am a memba of dis church, but when I finished my skul & job is not forthcoming, 1 of my niece asked my parent if I can come with her so as 2 be assisting her in her buz & taking kia of d children. And I left with her last year" Feyi said. "Oh, sorry, I dont think I have ever come across u", I said. ""Eegun mọni, enia ni ko mọ eegun", sometimes if not all d times, you our leaders do not know us, your followers & membas, particularly when such a person is not an officer in d church", Feyi said. "Thats true. It is easy 4 people 2 know officers but d silent ones, it is not easy 4 us 2 know such pp", I said.

"I have a little problem ma, which I need ur counsel on bc u r educated, older than me, a Believer & by God's grace engaged to a responsible brother in the church", she said.

"May God solve all our problems in Jesus name. May He also guide us into His light and truth in Jesus name" I said.

"Amen" Feyi said.

"Okay. I am listening", Debbie said.

"Be4 I left d Island abt 8 moons ago, I have a male friend in dis church, broda Johnny, we were close friends. Infact people think we were engaged then, but there was nothing like dat btw us then. He is a principled person & I know he is a christian. I entered institution of Higher learning b4 him & graduated b4 him...However, dis does not stop our friendship & interactions with each oda within d campus, d church & at d neighbourhood"...I, miss Debbie, was attentively listening 2 her as she continued.

"So, dis relationship continued even afta our graduation...Afta our graduation, we were searching 4 jobs but when it is not readily coming, he afta listening 2 a lecture 4m your spouse, evangelist Samson, he also decided 2 start something, & he opened a barbing salon near one of d institutions gate in d Island..."

"Okay, I think I know d broda now because "mai" lord told me of a broda who came to him on where 2 establish a barbing salon sometimes ago...pls go on my sista" Debbie said.

"Thank u ma. That is d broda, bc he also briefed me abt d counsels of evangelist Samson, your fiance, & all d assistances he rendered 2 him, financially & otherwise, how he linked him up with some people in d area which facilitated d establishment of d barbing salon near d institution's gate", Feyi said.

"Oh! That's nice of him" Debbie said.

"Few days afta d estab of d salon, I left 4 other island with my neice...Weeks afta, he proposed 2 me...A month afta his proposals I consented, and we were having it nice on air talking daily...When I told my friends about this development, they made me to understand dat men are unreliable and dat I shd not have give in to him easily like dat, dat I shd have kept him in suspense 4 a while, b4 answering him, dey said he will abuse me & consider me cheap...I was sorely sorry 4 myself on hearing dis, and I decided to start playin games with him, I started hanky-panky with him...Whenever he calls, I would not answer him, he will call severally before I answered, dat is if I will answer at all...sometimes when I did not answer his call he will text me, but I will not reply his texts too...Whenever I asnwered his call, I will give excuses and reasons for not answering his initial calls...this has been going on for sometimes now... But I have discovered that he has changed, he neither text nor call me as before again, and to cap it up, when I arrived two days ago, I arrived purposely because of him but, I discovered that he has been cold towards me, even he was not as this cold when we were ordinary friends... I felt unloved, I felt unwanted, I felt neglected... As I saw u dis morning in d church I thank my stars dat u are around & dat u could make dis program, and I decided on d spot of seeing u dat I wil discuss dis issue with u, so dat u help me out", she enthused.

"Uhm!!! Is dat all sista?" Debbie asked.

"That is about all ma. Pls what do I do?" Feyi asked.

"I thank God for dis avenue. Let me ask u dis? Do u love dis broda, Johnny?" Debbie said.

"Yes, I do". Feyi answered.

"Do u think u can live d rest of your life with him?" Debbie asked.

"Yes I can ma". Feyi answered.

"Having resolved these, what I want to tell u is dat your mistake is that you are imitating your friends on dis crucial issue of your life... You have failed to know that individual persons have their own angels, what their angels can condone, your angels may may not condone, what is working for them, may not work for you bc u are created differently...

"...even those people you call your friends may be christians, but they are different from you and you are different from them and the way God deals with you differs..." "As a christain who have prayed on the person you wanted to be engaged to and having loved the person, you need not play hanky-panky with the person any longer...or didnt you pray before consenting?" Debbie asked. "I prayed ma", Feyi replied. "Having prayed, and having gotten God's peace in your heart towards the person and having loved the person unreservedly, you should not have bothered your head about your friends' counsels again because they have misled you as it were now. You should have just continued with the relationship, because in love there is no fear", Debbie said. "Okay ma. What do I do now? How do I win him back?" Feyi asked. "You should search out the keys to your ertswhile friendship and the key you used in unlocking the door of his heart's love. When you find these keys, and you start using these keys, the near dead love he has developed for you in the past weeks will be resurrected and things will return to normalcy, even if the love is not hotter than before", Debbie said. "Pls, expantiate further", Feyi said. "What I am sayin is, what u were doing before that makes your friendship grow, what you were doing before that make you fall heads over hills in love for each other should be re-ignited again, when you start doing those things again, within space of time, weeks, days, his love for you will come alive again and you will be happy again", Debbie said. Kneeling down to thank her, "thank you ma, I will start doing that...I ought to leave on monday but I stay back a while to play with him..", Feyi said. "That will be good. When you start doing those things ensure that you keep it up. Be opened unto each other, as distance has separated you for a while now, tell him your moves, let him know your steps ahead of time, do not assume anything, do not say u will tell him afta u have done such thing, that means u do not value his advice, dat means u do not consider him important in your life and life's decisions and steps and when such happens another gap will be created, he will have some reservations, he will not be able to open his minds unto u again, he will not be willing to divulge impt decisions he also want to make to you...and you also know dat discovering that someone u love did not tell u or carried u along in his or her decision, u know how u feel? One feels dejected, rejected, un-important. So to make him an important person, u also need to carry him along in all u are doing or u wanted to do. You have 2 start dis even before you are married..." As Debbie said dis, she knelt down nodding her head... "So do this and other things that will make him happy and you wil discover that brothers are not the same...brothers are different. Because "mai" lord, I did not play hanky-panky with him since we start dating and so far so good, everyone has loved our relationship, everyone has been blessing God for us...We never allowed any communication gap let alone allow d enemies entrance...even though i may grieved him sometimes, but I ensure that such is resolved b4 I leave for bed dat day...and d same with him...so I have enjoyed to the maximum dis relationship with "mai" lord...I also pray you enjoy broda Johnny in Jesus name," Debbie said "Amen", Feyi said. "Shall we pray?" Debbie said...As they prayed together...

TRANSLATION OF SOME DIFFICULT WORDS

afta (translation after

"Eh-hen? (translation Uhmn mn)

'sha (translation anyway

PROGRESS. (June 4, 2014)

"atelewo eni nikan ati Olorun eni ni ki i tani jẹ" (translation it is only one’s palms and one’s God that would not tell one lies (it is a proverb encouraging people to be hard work and stop depending or relying on anyone for assistance, because people would disappoint you)) .

"irorun igi ni irorun eiye" (translation it is when the tree is at ease that is when the birds that perch on the tree would be at ease (It is Yoruba Proverb meaning when something or someone that is directly related to someone is at peace that is when the person would be at ease as well as know developments"

"eh (translation Uhmn)

"Amin. (translation Amen)

O dara (translation Okay oh) .

Mo ti gbọ o (translation I have heard what you said) .

Ki ẹ ma ba sọ wipe emi na ngo se sọ erongba okan mi ni mo se sọ eleyi o (translation So that you wont say why don’t I say what was in my mind that was why I said this) .

Ati wipe ki e ma ba ro wipe mi o fẹ fi owo mi ba nyin dá ni mo se sọ eleyi o (translation So that you wont think I don’t want to help you with my money that is why I said this) .

Bi ade ori eni ba se dara si, bẹ na ni awon enia yo se ma wo si, be ni awon enia yo se mo pataki re si (translation As beautiful as the crown on one’s head is, that how people will view it, that is how people will know its value and worth (People would view the crown on one’s head differently when it is very beautiful and they would attach more importance to it than other crowns ) .

Be ni awon enia yo se ma bu ola fun si (translation People would value and honor greatly the beautiful crown) .

Mo nfe ki won o bu ola fun nyin gan ni o (translation I want people to value you greatly) .

Iyawo lemi. (translation I am a wife)

Oluranlowo lemi (translation I am a helper) .

Emi ki i se omo aiye o (translation I am not one of worldly daughters/children) .

Eyin na le kọ wa ni igbagbo (translation You are one of those who brought me up in faith) .

Ohun ti ẹ ko mi na ni mo ntele o (translation I am following/doing what I have been taught by you)

"Amin ati amin (translation Amen and amen) . Talo ba ẹ di irun ori rẹ yi? (translation Who plait the hair on your head for you?)

"se ko dara ni? (translation) " "O dara gan ni (translation it is very beautiful) . Mo like rẹ. O wa mu ko look baby-ish", (translation I like it. It makes you look like a baby

sugbon, irun re fine gan ni o, ko tile ni idoti kankan" (translation but your hair is very beautiful/fine, it has no dandruffs) . "Ẹ se. Hair-stylist mi na lo bami di i, mi o tile wa mọ wipe yo fine to bayi", (translation Thank you. It is my hair-stylist that plaited the hair, in fact, I did not know it would be this beautiful) "O fine gan ni. O wu mi pupọ. Bi mo se nfe ki irun ololufe mi ma ri leleyi", (translation It is very beautiful. I like it exceedingly. This is how I want the hair of my love to always look like) "Uhmn. A de o. E seun. (translation There you go again. Thank you.)

"ni"?" (translation is ) Debbie asked. ni (translation is

*LET US SEE HOW SHE WILL HANDLE IT (June 12, 2014)

"Ko da bi enipe ebi tilẹ npa ẹ mọ?" (translation It does not look as if you are hungry

"na ni"" (translation is it)

"Ololufe mi, Iwo nikan lokan mi yan, (translation my lover, its only you that my heart chose) Ololufe mi, iwo nikan lokan mi mu, (translation my lover it is only you that I have picked) Ololufe mi/3x, (translation my lover/3x) Iwo nikan ni temi" (translation you are mine alone)

1. Bi eja ko se le wa la i somi, (translation As a fish cannot survive outside water) Beni ngo le wa la i si ẹ, (translation so can I not survive without you) Ife Re/3x, (translation you love/3x) Lo gbe mi ro. (translation sustains me)

Chorus.

2. Eiye ki fo ko fori sogi, (translation No Bird during the course of flying has ever hit its head on trees) Ife mi si e ko le ku lai, (translation My love for you can never die) Ife mi/3x si ẹ wa titi. (translation My love/3x for you is for ever)

Chorus.

3. Eru ki ba kiniun lodan, (translation Lion is not afraid in the wilderness) Be leru o bami lati fe e, (translation I am also not afraid of marrying you) Ife mi/3x lailai ni si e." (translation my love/3x is ever for you)

chorus".

"Ẹ sa fiyen sile", (translation Just leave that)

"2 ge 4" niyen (translation that is 2 divided 4)",

"O ti da be", (translation That is good

"sha (translation anyway)

"Ẹ se (translation Thanks)

"O dara o (translation That is good) .

sha (translation anyway) '",

"boju-boju" (translation hide and seek

. "Eh-hen? (translation Uhmn mn)

ẹ ma jẹ dodo yi tan kato jeun" (translation you will finish this fried plaintain before we start eating)

Sista Debbie says, "Let me try my fingers a while, as I await "mai" lord" (March 25, 2015)

""Eegun mọni, enia ni ko mọ eegun" (translation masquerades know people, but people do not know masquerades (it is a proverb that people who are popular and important in the society are always known by the common people, but those who are popular hardly know common people)

0 notes

ohivegotplentyofblackfriend-blog · 8 years ago

Text

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. 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If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. This copypasta will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at high school, and I’ve been involved in numerous /r/atheism frontpage posts, and I have over 300 confirmed facebook debate wins. I am trained in theology and I’m the top debater on this entire website. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. 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You’re fucking dead, skytard.What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now, lad.What the flip did thee just flipping gabble about me, thine miniscule bitch? I’ll have thee know I bested the most prestigious jousting class in the whole of Camelot, and I hath been involved in numerous secret marches on behalf of his Majesty, King Arthur, and I hath over 300 confirmed victories on horseback. I am trained in castle of Guerrilla warfare and I am indeed the highest ranking joustee in the entire land of Great Britannia. Thee are nothing to me but another false crossbearer. I will joust thine shambles with precision the likes of which hath never been observed in the King’s lands, mark my flipping words! Thou think thou can escape retribution by shouting that hogwash at me from afar? I implore thee to think again, peasant. As we converse I am contacting my secretive network of knights across the realm and thine footsteps are being traced right now, so thou best prepare thineself for the storm, pig-maggot! The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing thou call your armour. Thou art a flipping dead man. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill thou in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare lance. Not only am I extensively trained in mounted combat, but I hath access to the entire arsenal of the Kings Royal Army, and I shall use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable derriere off the face of the realm, thou miniscule feaces. If only thou could have foreseen what unholy retribution your little “clever” challenge was about to bring down upon thee, maybe thou would have held thee flipping tongue. But thou couldn’t, thou didn’t, and now thee art paying the price, you godd¬amn fool. I shall s¬hit fury all over thou britches and thee will drown in it. Thou art flipping dead, child.What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little conformist bitch? I'll have you know I graduated by the skin of my teeth in all my courses in community college and I've been making fucking pottery for my whole life and I listen to underground only music. I am trained in whining and I'm the top douchebag in Starbucks. You are nothing to be but a fucking conformist. I will wipe you the fuck out with shit so underground it's in China, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying this shit to me over a fucking conformist site like Facebook? Think again, copy. As we speak I'm contacting my manager at Barnes and Noble and he's got connections with every Apple store manager this side of the Mississippi, and your IP address is being traced so you better prepare for man slaps you little maggot. The man slaps that will knock you on your ass. You're fucking dead, conformist. I can get in my Prius and be anywhere in a matter of hours, anytime and I can berate you in 700 ways, and that's just in English. Not only am I able to speak languages no one else speaks, but I have access to your Twitter account and I will use it to its full extent to wipe out all your followers you little mainstream junkie. If only you could know what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon yo, maybe would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the full price you goddamn mainstream loving bastard. I will shit classic literature all over you, and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, conformist.Wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked 300 candy bars from tha corner store. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil dickhead w/ a hot mum & fake bling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper rumble. tha rumble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. my homeboys be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o’ newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a’ kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yer a stewpid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur in proper mess ya knobheadare you kidding me you little piece of shit i’ll have you know i graduated top of my politics class and i’ve been involved in privilege checking with over 150 confirmed political demonstrations i’m trained in conflict resolution and i was the most oppressed person in my entire upper middle class high school you are nothing to me but another cultural appropriator i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen on this side of the 49th parallel mark my words you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet think again fucker, as we speak i’m checking with my anarcho-communist analyst brigade for your location so you better be prepared to deal with some molotov cocktails and angry feminists flying through your window yOU’RE FUCKING DEAD CHERRY i can be anywhere at any time and i can kill you in over seven hundred ways and that’s just with me boring you to death while i talk about privilege not only am i extensively trained in hotline management but i have access to an entire arsenal of sociological articles to prove my point and i will use them to wipe your fucking face off the earth you little shit if only you had known what oppressed retribution your cultural appropriation would unleash then maybe you would have held your fucking tongue but you couldn’t you’re fucking dead kiddoWhat's this you've said to me, my good friend? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in conflict resolution, and Ive been involved in numerous friendly discussions, and I have over 300 confirmed friends. I am trained in polite discussions and I'm the top mediator in the entire neighborhood. You are worth more to me than just another target. I hope we will come to have a friendship never before seen on this Earth. Don't you think you might be hurting someone's feelings saying that over the internet? Think about it, my friend. As we speak I am contacting my good friends across the USA and your P.O. box is being traced right now so you better prepare for the greeting cards, friend. The greeting cards that help you with your hate. You should look forward to it, friend. I can be anywhere, anytime for you, and I can calm you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my chess set. Not only am I extensively trained in conflict resolution, but I have access to the entire group of my friends and I will use them to their full extent to start our new friendship. If only you could have known what kindness and love your little comment was about to bring you, maybe you would have reached out sooner. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now we get to start a new friendship, you unique person. I will give you gifts and you might have a hard time keeping up. You're finally living, friend.I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I sexually identify as graph paper. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sorting over the grid drawing beautiful graphs on math homework. People say to me that a person being graph paper is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon tattoo rows, columns and 3 hole punches on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Grid" and respect my right to draw graphs and solve equations. If you can't accept me you're a papyrophobe and need to check your graphing privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I sexually Identify as a ghost pirate. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sailing the undead seas searching for the afterlife of dave jones' locker . People say to me that a person being a ectoplasmic-sea captain is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm sp00ky. I'm having an ethereal cutlass created, a 17th century french sloop and a ghostly crew of shanty singers bought. From now on I want you guys to call me "deadbeard" and respect my right to kill rival poltergeist and photonically phase my being into the next realm . If you can't accept me you're a phantom-buccaneerphobe and need to check your undead-aquatic privilege. Thank you for being so understanding matey.I sexually identify as a Navy Seal. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of being the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. People say to me that having over 300 confirmed kills is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a secret network of spies trace your IP right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. From now on, you're fucking dead, kiddo. If you can't accept me you need to check your gorilla privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I sexually identify as a single, Pringle, ready to mingle. Ever since I was a potato I dreamed of being thin sliced, covered in disgusting oil then heated in a medium oven until reaching climax at the micro second of golden-browness. People bully me, and say things like "what the fuck, you aren't a Pringle", but I know deep down they are just jealous of my inner beauty. I have already started hiding in cylinders all day, and now im improving my crunchiness by regularly burning my sides on the stove. I want you guys to respect my natural ability to instantly satisfy low salt carb cravings, and if you don't you are oppressing me, and you should check your diabetes type. Thank you for being so understanding.I sexually Identify as an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the Atlantic ocean ready to release my destructive cargo on filthy commies'. People say to me that a person being a weapon of mass destruction is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having ex-Nazi scientists install tungsten plating, 3 stage rockets and a Nuclear warhead on my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as "ICBM" and "WMD" as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to wipe entire cities and cultures from the face of the Earth. If you can't accept me you're Hippy-Trash and need to check your rocket privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I sexually Identify as a walrus. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sliding on cold ice with my manly genitalia. People say to me that a person being a walrus is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I already choped my arms and feet off and practice robbing around in my bathtub using my fingers as tusks. From now on I want you guys to call me "Arcticus" and respect my right to lay around on an iceberg and dive for free fishfood. If you can't accept me you're a zoophobe and need to check your Green Peace privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I sexually Identify as an Neckbeard. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the Earth tipping m'fedora to beautiful m'ladies . People say to me that a person being a Neckbeard is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install anime in my veins , 30 mm fedoras and Meme o' missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "White Knight" and respect my right to meme from above and tip m'fedora when necessary . If you can't accept me you're an SJW and need to check your privilege. Arigato for being so understanding. tiphi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻╰(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)¯\(°_o)/¯Astounding! You have managed to expend effort creating a non-random string of characters which usually convey meaning, yet your overall comment was ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS! It is as though all of the industries of mankind were operated in reverse, with great will and endeavor being used to convert items of usefulness into worthless bare materials! you are the antithesis of all that is grand and great about mankinds capacity for thought and self-determination. You sir, are the mirror image of a meaningful entity, lower than base matter, lower than oblivion, because unlike the brutish deterministic plasma of the unreasoning cosmos, you CHOSE to be without value or worth. Or in the parlance of thine own ilk: LOL N0 UR GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!11ONE!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!11!AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND MY TIME SUCKING DICKS IN THE BATHROOM AT OLIVE GARDEN. YOU DIRTY LOWDOWN SLIMY FILTHY DISGUSTING GLUTTONOUS HOGLIKE MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING SON OF AN INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE SHEMALE RAPIST PROSTITUTE. GET YOUR MOM'S DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA SHIT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS. STOP FOR A MOMENT AND REALLY GRASP THAT STATEMENT. I AM LITERALLY GOING TO SHIT UP YOUR ASS. I WILL TAKE MY PANTS OFF, RIP YOUR PANTS OFF, OUR SPHINCTERS WILL TOUCH, AND I WILL SHIT. YOU WILL TRY TO COUNTERSHIT. BUT MY SPHINCTER WILL OVERCOME. AND I WILL PUSH A LOG OF SHIT FROM MY ASS UP INTO YOUR BODY. THIS IS WHAT SHALL OCCUR WHEN I FIND YOUR KEYBOARD FUCKING FACE. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I WILL PISS INTO A POT. I WILL ADD CORNSTARCH TO THE PISS AND BOIL IT UNTIL IT GETS REALLY THICK, LIKE SAUCE. I WILL POUR THE THICKENED PISS INTO A PLASTIC CONTAINER AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE UNTIL IT HARDENS INTO A FIRM JELLO. THEN I WILL THEN CUT IT INTO RECTANGLES. BATTER IT IN A MIX OF MILK, FLOUR, AND EGGS. AND DEEP FRY IT AT 375 UNTIL GOLDEN BROWN, FLIPPING ONCE SINCE THEY FLOAT. AND I WILL SERVE YOU MY DEEP FRIED PISS. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING SUCH A FAGGOT. COCKMUFFINI'm more educated than you, in every way shape and form. Also more intelligent than you (exponentially so). I am better than you, in every facet of life, and I don't even know you, however, I just know, that I am. Also, we aren't bro's. If anything, you are someone I assign less value and worth than my own feces. Your life has no value, and you will make no contribution to this world, in your entire life, because of your low intelligence, and lack of skills. How does that feel, you fucking bottom denominator. go back to you vegan subreddit to fill your useless void of a life, pretending it means anything. Am I a narcissist? I don't know, I am a fucking God. I will, do, and have succeeded in every facet of life. I have done more, in this year alone, than you will have achieved before you leave this world... let that sink in. You have no fucking clue who you are talking to. I am so vastly superior, and intelligent, that I can infer all of this, with 100% accuracy. You are like a fucking ant, and I am a GOD. You do not even fly on my radar, let alone get acknowledgement, from the likes of me. I know you can sense my superiority, my power, my intelligence,and you are trying to pretend you don't feel it, its real. To conclude, go back to fucking yourself, you meaningless water-trash bottom feeding peasant.You've won nothing shithead. Wallow in the shit you've created. Because soon, all you've worked for will vanish and you'll be left with nothing. When you least expect it, the shit you talk, you'll choke on it.bitch u mad mf ugly b looking like the little ginger kid from little einstein kill urself btch ill shoot u mf ass meet me irl fuck outta here wicho dorito ass shaped head btch albino gorilla lookin ass mf ill flame u dumb spotty white pizza shaped head lookin elongated ass nose marshmallow man crusty ass mf self right here btchWow. Okay. OKAY. OKAY. Yabba Dabba FUCK you and YABBA DABBA FUCK your shitty FUCKING memes. You are literally worth nothing to me. If I saw your FUCKING UGLY ASS FACE on the street, I'd take a big loaded shotgun to your mouth, faggot. I have always wanted to murder you, your family, your friends, and your pet goldfish since the day I was born. Brain Blast? How about I fucking blast your faggot ass brain with a shotgun. I want to fucking candy crush your face through a mother fucking wall. You are the reason why babies cry. Fuck your memes. Fuck you. Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. Try fucking saying that to be in REAL life where you aren't surrounded by a precious username and see what happens, weakling. I have guns. Many guns. Guns that I could take to your head and blow it out right now. You hear me? Good.Downvoted. You're exactly what's wrong with circlejerk. Instead of posting satire, mocking reddit and being clever and original, you continue to post lame phrases and beat to glue anything that was even remotely funny, all under the guise that you want to show what's wrong with reddit. You don't care about reddit. You belong to the system that this subreddit was made to mock. You seek karma. You seek to be a power-user, a well-known name in a sea of perpetual anonymity. The higher your karma-count, the more you get off on it. You are smug and self-satisfying. You are the problem. There should be a "delete" button below your posts. Start clicking them after you post and you'll find that reddit starts to improve.My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.You fucking do that every damn time I try to talk to you about anything even if it's not important you just say K and to be honest it makes me feel rejected and unheard like nothing would be better then that bullshit who the fuck just says k after you tell them something important I just don't understand how you think that's ok and I swear to god you're probably just gonna say k to this but when you do you'll know that you're slowly killing me inside

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