#i could've asked my partner to pay but i didn't wanna stress him out

[cordeliawhohung]

Hi Kore! Ive followed you for awhile, and I remember when you posted about your full time job being cut into a part time job, hence creating a patreon (idk if I’m spelling that right). Im just wondering if you ever got put back on a full time schedule😭 sorry if that’s a weird thing to ask, im just wondering because that’s literally such an awful thing to happen, and I want the best for you and your big brain. I’d totally sub to ur patreon, but I am unfortunately an extremely broke waitress (heh chip we almost twins😜).

ugh yes and no? they were wanting to cut my hours as intensive for someone else they were trying to hire (would give my lost hours over to her instead) which honestly... i was fine with because i was getting overworked anyway. but now my hours just fluctuate like crazy. technically i'm still working full time but it's just a really complicated situation like i don't know when i'm working half the time because i get called in or requested at the outreach clinic etc etc.

anyway, that was just a long winded way to say that i'm all good and everything haha. i basically use my patreon as a glorified tip jar (because kofi was wanting to dox my legal name via paypal receipts <3) so don't even worry about it! everyone is struggling in this economy lmfao.

[mzjmesa]

Out Loud | Chloe Decker

She was a good detective. Is. The pride of the office, the officer praised here and there. Your partner. Your bestfriend. Detective Chloe Decker. It wasn't because of her smart, genius mind that attracted you to her, no. Well, sometimes, anyway. But it could've been alot of reasons, loving Chloe Decker. And you would've loved any other reasons— to make this easier, to make the feelings disappear sooner. Because whatever the attraction was, it was unprofessional— Chloe never did unprofessional. And you fear if you couldn't hold it any longer, she'd run away from you.

You can't bear that.

But you loved Chloe either way. You loved her eyes, her kindness, that bright and knowing smile that goes with her eyes, you loved the way her lips part when she's about to say something defensive— you loved her. You loved her the most when she knocks at your door and asks how you're doing. You loved the late night talks and laughs about freshmen days which was rare, because she never spent so much time in highschool, she got unending stories about it anyway. You loved the way she listens. You loved her. You loved Chloe Decker. And as she passes by your desk, to the man she likes, you reminded yourself that it was wrong. Wrong because you were supposed to be happy for her.

A knock on your desk drifted your thoughts away, Dan. “How are we doing?” he asked, if he'd caught you staring enviously at Chloe and Lucifer, he hadn't mind.

“How are we doing?” You repeated stupidly, still hungover from yesterday. Which by the way was Chloe's fault, you just wouldn't admit it to yourself.

Dan shrugs, “Yeah? I sent you files to look at, remember?”

Oh.

You shake your head as though it would help you focus on the present and tried to remember where you had placed the papers. You checked your drawers, trying hard to block out Chloe and Lucifer's voices. You busied your hand flipping through dozens of papers, vividly remembering the file's name.

Jonathan Flinn's. Ahh. Case closed for 2 months, there wasn't much evidence of the murder, but the majority linked to him, and eventually the court pronounced him guilty. There had been questions left unsolved, and if Espinoza wasn't up to anything, it would've been left at that.

You sighed, “Have you talked to Chloe about this?”

“Yeah,” He looked past your shoulder to where Chloe was, then back to you. “she thinks it's a bad idea.”

Of course she did. You did, too. That was a thing between you two, something about your guts always telling you the same what's what. That's why you were partnered with her, and you would've loved to continue being one (although truth be told, you still were in papers anyway) but she'd found a consultant, a batshit crazy one at that. Lucifer Morningstar. Always telling himself he's the devil, going on and about his everyday life like anyone gives a damn, and always making everything about himself. If he wasn't charming, and a ‘friend’ of Chloe's, you would've hated him. Most times you did. But times when Chloe was down, he was always the first to cheer her up. You used to be the one doing that, until he came.

“You should listen to her, Dan.”

“Oh c'mon! I would've agreed with Chloe and wouldn't have come to you if it weren't so important. His mother is my god—”

“—mother. Yes, yes, I know that, Dan. I know you think this is a good idea to pay her back, too. But it's not, trust me. Trust Chloe.” You exhaled, feeling the weight of her stare on your back. “It could go worst anyway, what when we can't find any evidence or if we do, worst case scenario is it'll only lead to him. Again. We'll just worsen his situation.”

Dan sighed, massaging his jaw with exasperation because he knew you were right. And also because as much as he pretends not to care too much, he does. You loved that about him.

As you heard footsteps behind, you handed back the files to Dan who hid it behind his back, masking his irritation with a smile to Chloe.

You ignored her, lingering your eyes on the missing button of Dan's shirt.

“Ella found some prints, we haven't identified it yet but it's likely our lead.” Chloe started just behind you, and you knew Lucifer was beside her as much as you hated it. “In the meantime, Dan? I'd like to discuss to you about the Flinn case, Lucifer and I went back to the crime scene yesterday. We found nothing.”

Dan frowned. “I thought you said it was a bad idea.”

“I know, I know. I... ugh... well I went over it again, anyway.”

A small smile creeped on his face, and you were almost sure his eyes were watering when Lucifer jumped on the conversation about his father, bla bla bla. You couldn't care less. Chloe did, and that should be enough for Lucifer. She'd always been enough for you. You bit your lips, wishing you could busy your hands with something. Anything. But your desk was on your back, and oh, Chloe, too.

It felt immature and all, but you were hurting just knowing they were together, seeing them would break you.

“I'll check in on with Ella.” Chloe announced, “(Y/N)?”

“Are you having a stroke Miss (L/N)? Staying still like a trained robot, you're scarying me— and believe when I say I rarely get scared.” Lucifer added.

Oh you believe alright. And robots are trained?! Trying to hide your feelings with a forced smile, you turned around, making sure you weren't going to make an eye contact with a certain detective, and immediately grabbed a random paper and pen you can hold— scribbling anything. Anything at all.

“I'm alright.” You answered after a beat or two, still unbothered to look. Who would want to, honestly.

Chloe cleared her throat, whispered something to Lucifer, and then bid goodbye. It was then when you looked at them walking away. Lucifer's hand on her back, Chloe looking small beside him— your chest aching the same, if not, more.

You're definitely not gonna look again.

-

You had a week off work, and you'd almost fell to your knees thanking God when the lieutenant told you. You needed it more than you needed Chloe, which proves just how important it was— Chloe had been. Still is, by the way.

It was 8 am, by now Chloe would be at her desk, examining or making reports, or on a crime scene with Ella and, Lucifer. You snapped out of your mind, reminding yourself you'd needed the vacation because work and particularly Chloe had been stressing you out and very much so hurting you.

You'd hit the beach, go to the mountains for the view,— you didn't wanna hike though, you needed rest not making sweats— visit your sister and niece, and then finally bake while blasting Taylor Swift because admit it or not, you're much broken than your grandmother's vase.

When the water was hot enough, you took a bath and dressed. A peach-colored tank top that comes along with a brown mini skirt and a coat was your outfit for the day. Only, the coat reminded you too much of Chloe's. She liked coats. And that coat, back then warning you that she'd steal it eventually. So you changed with other coats, just didn't fit well with the shirt and skirt, so you gave in and left your hair untouched and untied. Grabbing your pouch and your gun— a licensed one, just in case. And opened your door. You would've preferred the bright sky and fresh air of the morning in LA. But Chloe Decker was standing there, fist on air as if she'd been ready to knock.

You froze.

Were you having a stroke? Most likely.

“(Y/N).”

“Chloe.”

Wasn't she supposed to be at work? You didn't mind either way, but it surprised you still, she hadn't been visiting much since... Lucifer. Everything's just been different since he arrived, not in a good way for you.

You stepped aside, not saying anything since you figured out a human wouldn't understand any word that comes out of your mouth. She went in, instead of sitting on your couch like the old days, she lingered on the living room, standing and looking at you.

Most times you hadn't mind.

She started, “How are you?”

“I'm good.”

“No, (Y/N). How are you?”

You didn't know what to say. Or why she'd ask a question as that. “I'm not—”

“Do you like me?”

What.

Your face must've given the shock, because she answered your unasked question. “Dan said some things. I'm-I'm not— you're not transferring, are you?”

Oh you're definitely gonna choke the life out of Dan. But knowing him, he wouldn't have spit it out too easily. He was probably drunk and didn't mean it. Still, you wished you said it to Chloe yourself. About the liking and transferring.

You remained silent, reading the expression on Chloe's face. Was she sad? Upset? After years of knowing her, you would've known right away. But now you couldn't. And you fear you might've forgotten the every detail of her face, too.

“(Y/N)...” Her voice gave out, carrying every sadness within. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“About what?” You answered stupidly in a whisper, fearing that if you came into your senses everything would feel too real.

“About everything! About— about your feelings for me. About Seatte. About why you've been so far from me!”

“You have been far from me, Chloe.”

She frowns, and you knew millions and billions and gazillions of questions where popping in her mind.

Tears in your eyes were forming, and you hated it, all of this. She wasn't supposed to know at all. She wasn't supposed to know you had immature feelings for her. Wasn't supposed to know you were transferring atleast 'till next month. But Chloe wasn't dumb, and you should've known that.

Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat, her breathing heavy. “We could've talked about it.”

“We haven't talked much at all these days because of—” you cut yourself off, rolling your eyes at how sick it feels. You hated yourself for it, but you continued anyway. “Because of Lucifer.”

She exhaled. “Lucifer and I are complicated.”

“I know that, Chloe.” You said firmly, meeting her gaze pitying you. Of course she pities you. “I also know you like him so much. I know you've been crying when he fake married that Candy. I know you've been sick worrying when he can't answer your texts or calls. I know you've gone lengths trying to understand him. I know. I know so much so that I didn't wanna be so selfish and tell you things you didn't wanna hear because it'll make your complicated relationship with Lucifer even more complicated. I fucking know. And I loved you too much.”

Chloe's tears were beginning to fall, one by one, slowly. And it hurts you to see her like this. Especially because you know you caused it.

“It was never my intention to push you away. You're my friend— can't we just stay like this?” She asked in a soft, breaking voice. And if it wasn't Chloe you would've said yes because people are easy to move on from. But it was indeed Chloe and she was... not like anyone you know. She was a missing piece of your puzzle. Only, you have never been a piece of hers.

“I love you, Chloe.”

It was weird, saying it out loud, to her. You never thought you could, knowing you were a coward than every cowards combined.

You did though, and that must've pulled something. Because Chloe approached you, side hugged, and then left.

So much for a vacation.

You spent the night crying.

Chloe Decker spent hers with the man she loved. And you were never that man.

[namjooningelsewhere]

Hello hello, Leah dearest 🥰 Overdue is due ✨ tomorrow ✨And I'm back with my commentary!

Okay, so yn reached out first asking about the paperwork and when joon said no rush, her reply makes it seem like she had plans to be home for the signing and because he says no, she's not coming home now? Is that right? Did she have plans to come home? Did she not tell her mother she'd be back home after chile or somewhere?

Again, yn just knowing that joon is stressed over something and reassuring him —which i completely understand if she did not, but it just hit me in the guts!

Why did they break up with her?!?!JERKS!

Hobi, our hidden intellectual —who just reads tweets and guesses who interacted with yn 🤭

I can just imagine the tiny jimin fury when he sends something in the groupchat 😂 he's so sassy in this chapter!

I love how everyone just knows joon is lying and simply delaying the lease process! Also, love how the majority is on Haeun not joining the lease, about time it dawned on these idiots!

Hobi saying Haeun has two faces and a single braincell —which I personally think isn't hers, she just borrows it from emiko on special occasions 😂🤭

About Jin, I think it's kinda on brand for Jin to question things like this because right from the beginning when everyone is kinda monkeying around, Jin is constantly thinking of the women, like being their voice in when it's only the boys(?) Do I make sense? He talks about Haeun knowing they are going to confess, about yn fighting to pay for the home, about asking Haeun to pay yn, he's just constantly peacemaking in the group, so I totally understand him wanting to give this another chance.. do I support it? No. But I will say, while the twist isn't expected it makes sense if Haeun is their third girlfriend and they've already broken hearts before her.

I'm just bitter that they didn't give this consideration to yn, who truly deserved someone fighting for their relationship but they extend it to itchy sweaters 🙄🥴

Again, jin makes so much sense when you see it from their point of view, they fucked up and hurt so many people unintentionally, that they wanna try and do better for the ones they have right now.. understandable but not recommended when it's someone like Haeun.

Wow, they boys really don't think she's with them for clout and other benefits huh? She's in this as us.. no, baby. She's in this to join the superstar's league! Again, where was this compassion and understanding when yn needed it?

I wonder how they'll react to knowing she played them for clout 🙄 I wonder if they'll take revenge of any sort..

Again, understand where they are coming from and truly appreciate the thought, but the person doesn't deserve this chace! I like how tae's just like i don't like Haeun, if you stay with her, I'll monopolize on yn, as if he hasn't messed up with them too 😅

vhope at it again with their conspiracies against Haeun 😂 again love tae's confidence in Haeun fucking up again, boy is not in the least concerned about the odd chance that she might not 😂😅

What exactly does tae have in his mind? He's an icon when it comes to dealing with Haeun, so I'm excited to see what he comes up with!

Oh.. the flashback! Watching a relationship crumble is so sad, it always gets me heavy and teary.. and from what we can see, yn really tried her best, apologizing even when it's not her at fault, prioritising them over her needs, cooking and packing them food, staying away to make sure they get rest 🥺🥺 why did they break up with her so easily when she always walked their pace and literally was the best partner they could've asked for?!

I can't wait to find out what's up with yoongi and dan.. that's like the biggest mystery of this series for me! I hope yn is okay, also getting plastered alone isn't a great idea, bubs 😊 I can't wait to see what's up with Haeun in tomorrow's update!

I hope you are doing well, take care and lots of love, aksh 💕

Hey Aksh❤️

Hope you're doing well. I've been good.

So for starters, Y/Nie isn't coming back yet, she still has three months to go, she initiated the conversation since Namjoon was so persistent before about you know starting the process. So she just reminded him.

She always been like that, she was super understanding. And yeah Hobi!!!! Vhope are the chaotic ones and they're also going to be the ones who will cause the final explosion where in Y/N loses it when she is going to see them after she returns, there will be damage control by someone from the five but it will be a mess.

They still don't know about Ha-euns intentions since nothing much has happened on that front yet. They have been planning but Tae spun his magic and threw her out.

Jimin is such a mood, I swear i just want to pull out the yoongi in him sometimes. You know when at times Jimin is savage AF!!!

Tae is dreaming right now, he acknowledges that he needs to work his ass off to get her back but he is a bit overconfident that she will, if she does or not that's yet to be seen.

Jin is someone who thinks things through here, but his loyalties will always be with the boys. He is always be by their side even if he knows theyre wrong. But he is trying his best to salvage what is left. They have been unlucky in love, they've only been with people who have tried to take advantage, so Y/N was someone geniune but sadly they couldn't see. They ended up running away when there were problems. Which they shouldn't have, and have worked on it.

Y/N always walked the pace with the boys but somehow they didn't even bother understanding her.

And Danny and Yoongi, the reason why they are always at each other's throats is, at this point now, it is because she knows they hurt her a lot which she doesn't deserve. Danny speaks to the rest of the boys as well but yoongi's attitude bothers her. So after last update when Ha-eun starts her bitch trap Danny is the one who will catch Yoongi multiple times with Ha-eun when they hung out and tries to warn Y/N, but as usual out girl is too blinded by her own trust so she ends up ignoring the red flags. But again the hate that you saw in the first few chapters is because she knew something was up with Yoongi and also Yoongi is the one who introduces Ha-eun and the boys..