#i could talk for hours about tommy. and walt. and jodie

[sanctos]

thinking abt tommy and how he pretty much predicts his own death , just gets how it happens wrong

thinking abt how the main explanation tommy gives ppl for never saying i love you to vic or solidifying their relationship is bc he knows he could die at any point and it would crush vic, thinks that saying 'my best friend died' would hurt him just a little bit less than saying 'my boyfriend died' and he doesn't want to do that to him , how he's scared that vic would never love again if that happened. how he thinks that keeping him at arms length will keep him from mourning more but really, how arms length is it to care for someone during their grief? to make sure that they bathe , brush their teeth , eat a meal? to bring them lunch every day, to stand between them and a monster in hopes of shielding them from harm?

thinking abt how tommy loved vic so much he just wanted to protect him from even the smallest ounce of more pain. how he was finally getting on track, close to feeling safe enough to love vic, to get him out of there, run away with him, get sober, be safe-----and in his final moments he knew amos would lie, make vic think tommy left him behind, that all his efforts to keep vic from mourning someone else were taken away from him in an instant. thinking abt tommy!