#i could make them bettrr if i tried. i feel tired these days. i was hopeful at the beginning of the week. now i feel drainwd
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when knj said "all i need is me, ik ik ik ik, but why do i feel lonely, im so lonely when im with me, im so lonely when im with me"....I felt that
#π#im feeling heavy-hearted tonight. j'ai le cΕur gros if u will. things are going well n yet.#well. things arent going well#i could make them bettrr if i tried. i feel tired these days. i was hopeful at the beginning of the week. now i feel drainwd#sth inside of me is deciding to rebel n to fight against my conscience. im not weak. but i am fragile. n so#even the tiniest things can crack my mood..... i did not have a mood today to begin with. i just feel tired#im sad n empty. im not feeling productive at all. sometimes i wish i could stop existing so that i wldnt have to deal with such things#i say these things so often ! they seem so true ! they are so true ! i refuse to say things that imply that i hate myself bc#at the end of the day...i'm the only one i have. i will always be with me. so i better care for myself#i feel dumb but in fact im probably not. it feels like im standing w my head against a wall. like i cannot turn around.#i want to care enough to love myself properly n to give myself enough room to grow. but it feels like im being blinded on both sides#it feels like my lungs are filled w oceans n like my heart weights fifty tons. it feels like my legs r made of thread.#it feels like my head is both a hot air balloon n a useless piece of junk. my arms r detached from my body. idk what they are#they work on their own. my fingers want to touch things. separate entities from one another. undo every layer there is.#my ears. r irritated. i cant see anything. i only see what i am meant to see. I only see whats in front of me. i cant percieve anything.#i am me. i am. a being. i exist ! i need to reset. im sounding like a fool right now. i dnt have anything to worry about.#we are one and the same. im my one n only. i cannot keep on separating me from myself like that. it feels like there are many of us here#i wish i could sleep. i sound so cold. i feel hollow. i want to give love. i want to share. i want to feel warm.#i wish i were emotionally available. i wish i didnt have to recreate everything i feel to word my thoughts#i am tired. these feelings r normal. but why is the fact that i feel nothing so overwhelming ??#theres too much space. too little time. too many ideas. so little space. im sleepy.#i wish i could climb every step on my way to the sky and evaporate...become a cloud. a star. a ufo. i wish.#tonight again ill go to bed n dream abt what i cant have. tomorrow i will wake up and wish i could die.#its always the same thing. ill be happy. ill feel empty. ill feel guilty. ill feel empty.#maybe one day ill be able to see myself in the mirror and not think about the ways id recut this unfit body#maybe one day ill be able to think abt being in love without hating myself for who i am and what i represent. for not knowing my name#im tired of exisiting. its such a hassle... i cld never say all these things to anyone but myself#who wld listen. who wld care. who wldn understand. its so common tht its unique. things dnt make sense. i forgot birds had tails#i should shut up and go to sleep#but i have homework. stress burns my brain. stress consumes my thoughts. stress possesses my body. but its still my body.
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