#i could hold your love in my mouth and make pearls of it. ( utayagu | kyousei )
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Yagura is thinking harder than he usually is and it shows on his face. Magenta gaze is fliting back and forth between the gold of Utakata's eyes and his mouth and it takes more false confidence than he's willing to admit to for him to finally make a decision. Fingers are curled into that too-open kimono to urge the man down while Yagura stands on his toes to reach him for a kiss. // 😎 my turn
the night is sweet and dark on his tongue, making it the perfect chaser to the hard liquor utakata downs like water. my heart is a desert, the embarrassing poet-voice in him stumbles standing still, slowly plucking words that would come to him lightning-quick when sober, but even deserts bloom in spring rains. yeah, that sounds good. wait. what's the rain? the drunk poet-voice insists. utakata runs a hand down his face and hooks a finger in the throat of his robe, messily unknotting the many royal sashes holding it snugly in place. is the life-giving rain the drink, or is it--
"Utakata, say something! I’m bored.” yagura grumbles against utakata’s shoulder, the small cup in his hand nearly tipping over and spilling onto the roof tiles. he digs his heel into utakata's side, forcing utakata to sit up on his elbows and shoot him a flat gold stare. he didn't ask yagura to sit on the roof and drink with him. then again, when does utakata ask yagura for anything? one minute utakata is alone, and the next yagura is just ... there, on the fringes of everything, the one constant in utakata's life that doesn't make him want to fling himself and everyone he knows off the nearest bridge.
if you are the sea, he is the shore. if you are the moon, he is the... uh, the other one, the poet-voice pipes up. utakata raises the bottle to his lips and takes another handle pull. maybe now the poet-voice will shut the fuck up. he's got other things to worry about.
like the way yagura is looking at his hands and mouth too long, his delicate lips pink and slightly parted, eyes just the faintest bit glassy. he’s careful not to touch utakata’s skin — he is the only one utakata trusts to keep his hands to himself — but if it’s cloth, it’s fair game. he tugs on utakata’s robe sleeve for the third time in as many minutes. “What?”
but yagura just looks at him a little too long, then shakes his head and mumbles something about it being too cold outside.
“Then go inside.”
“No,” yagura says stubbornly. then, more softly: “I want to be where you are.”
utakata knows this, because utakata also knows yagura wants to kiss him. ( utakata may be young, but he’s no stranger to bars and the sordid alleys behind them. he’s seen a version of this look before. hungry, wanting, eager — hopeful. it’s strange to see it so baldly on someone as prudish as yagura. )
the problem is, utakata also knows he is the last person yagura should kiss. the kiss they’d shared a month ago was a joke masquerading as a lesson. to kiss again would be nothing special to him, but would likely be special to yagura.
and he can’t have yagura thinking there is anything special about him, or their friendship.
“You can't hold your liquor," utakata plucks the cup from yagura’s hand, finishes the liquor, and plops it back into yagura’s lap before he stands and pulls yagura to his feet. “Come on, to bed.”
but he’s a little drunk, and yagura’s so light, that yagura sails into his arms and knocks them both against the window of his room. utakata’s hand braces the small of yagura’s back on instinct, tightening around his waist as his other arm grips the windowsill to keep them both steady. he looks down at yagura.
it’s a mistake, and a big one.
moonlight does not become yagura. it doesn’t do his tan undertone, pink undertones, and eager yet crooked smile due justice. he’s made for daytime, daylight, a blazing sun that burns away the evening mists. moonlight strips yagura of everything that he is and leaves only a pale imitation in its wake.
looking down at yagura staring up at him with his fists clenched in utakata’s robes and his eyes so wide and bright, the moonlight peels back the grumpy frowns, insecurity, and prudery, leaving only two uncomfortable truths behind.
one: yagura wants him — inexplicably, circumstantially so, and he is just drunk enough to chase him.
two: utakata wants to be wanted, and he wants it now.
“Utakata…” yagura starts, then looks at him like he — like he feels — utakata can't even think it, it's so laughable. he doesn’t WANT to think it. he just wants to know he’s wanted. thank the gods alcohol makes yagura impulsive. whatever terrible, sentimental thing he was going to say is swallowed by a sudden boldness. yagura tugs utakata down and clumsily slots their mouths together, and utakata lets him, because as the chakra connection opens between them and the low buzz of desire trickles into utakata’s veins and creeps up his spine like a head-high, utakata can pretend that he is kissing someone else, can pretend like he is loved by anyone other than the best friend he both loves and hates, reviles and needs, who is both the lifeline keeping him afloat and the anchor dragging him kicking and screaming into the deep.
#POV: ur a depressed teen and ur BFF wants to kiss you but you don’t want to kiss him but you Do but it’s because you have major issues#anyway nia idk what this is but I typed it on mobile and my hand fuckin hurtie#answered.#answered: utakata.#verse tbt.#when I’m off mobile lol#i could hold your love in my mouth and make pearls of it. ( utayagu | kyousei )#kyousei
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♡ + kawogi, kimigaa, utagura, this was the hardest decision in my entire life
SEND ME ♡ + A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…
kawogi.
Who is the most affectionate?
kawaki, for sure. ryogi is affectionate in his own way, but it's lots of teasing touches, linked pinkies while walking, and resting his head on your shoulder in private. kawaki, on the other hand, will straight up pick ryogi up and haul him to the couch so he can have some human contact.
Who initiates the handholding?
hmmmmm. the first time they hold hands i think ryogi brushes fingers with kawaki a bunch until he finally just takes kawaki's hand, because kawaki is too uncertain to cross that barrier without explicit permission. but after that, kawaki will seek out ryogi's hand when wanted.
Who worries more for the other?
ryogi. he isn't a goddamn alien-karma-infused super soldier or whatever. he's just a guy being a dude, damn it. he worries a lot when kawaki's off doing who knows what.
Who is more likely to ask for help?
[laughs in bitch] ryogi asking for help he actually needs instead of something superficial? please. kawaki asks, but he can be grumpy (read: embarassed) about it until ryogi says it's fine.
Who is the one always losing the keys?
kawaki. ryogi's neat in the "i keep everything on my person so i can escape at any time" way. kawaki puts things down in one place and then walks away. it's a little maddening for ryogi.
Who leaves little love notes for the other?
ryogi! he enjoys leaving physical reminders of his feelings to be remembered when they're apart, which is a lot.
Who can’t sleep unless the other is there?
kawaki. ryogi's used to sleeping on his own, and is very comfortable doing so. kawaki gets attached to sleeping in the same bed with ryog, so when he's gone he struggles.
Who is more likely to propose to the other?
probably kawaki? ryogi isn't a traditional relationship guy, and i think kawaki might have some anxiety about that -- or he just likes the idea of tying the knot and making their relationship feel concrete. kawaki also feels like he "owes" something to people he dates, and for ryogi that means some form of stability.
Who introduced the other to their family first?
i think you mean the uzumakis introduced themselves to ryogi lol.
Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair?
ryogi plays with kawaki's. it's so weird and fun to touch.
Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated?
ryogi. food is his ultimate love language.
Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other?
if you look at ryogi wrong kawaki will bury you alive.
Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other?
ryogi. he's into surprises and there's always something special going on when he visits.
Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things?
kawaki. he takes them seriously. ryogi humors him initially (then went off and did dangerous stuff anyways), but eventually he stops and abides by the sacred pinkie promise treaty.
Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?
ryogi. kawaki conks out on the couch and ryogi covers him up and sits beside him on the couch for awhile while he reads.
kimigaa.
Who is the most affectionate?
oh boy. kimimaro? but only in freak ways, like staring at gaara for 30 minutes while only blinking with his second pair of clear vertical eyelids, or washing gaara's hair for him despite his insistence on doing it himself. things like that. kimimaro's affection looks a lot like service and care-taking. they're working on it.
Who initiates the handholding?
gaara. kimimaro would never touch gaara unless given explicit permission, and even then it's something he does the way a miko would cleanse a shrine.
Who worries more for the other?
in battle? neither of them worries about the other. they're bad as hell and they know it. otherwise, gaara worries about kimimaro's health. it can abruptly decline and there's nothing they can do but wait it out. at least kimimaro is good about stating when he isn't feeling well, although it's often in the form of "i am experiencing cardiac palpitations" before collapsing.
Who is more likely to ask for help?
kimimaro. he knows his limitations and isn't ashamed.
Who is the one always losing the keys?
neither of them.
Who leaves little love notes for the other?
neither. kimimaro doesn't write super well, understandably, so writing isn't his thing. gaara is more likely to find strange gifts on his desk, like a piece of antler, or a glowing frog in a jar.
Who can’t sleep unless the other is there?
gaara. he can't sleep most of the time, but kimimaro has learned to, uh, put his ass to sleep.
Who is more likely to propose to the other?
neither. marriage who? the council probably wouldn't be down with gaara marrying the guy who helped kill rasa and worked with orochimaru. kimimaro doesn't care about marriage anyways; he belongs to gaara in his heart(s), and that's what counts.
Who introduced the other to their family first?
kimimaro was caught in the kazekage's home and arrested by temari on sight until gaara explained. does that count?
Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair?
hm. both. gaara touches kimimaro's hair when he's sleepy, and kimimaro likes to smell gaara's hair when gaara's asleep.
Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated?
neither. you think they eat like normal people?
Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other?
kimimaro has literally stabbed people for raising their voice to the kazekage. so. there's that.
Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other?
hm. hmm. hmmm. i don't think kimimaro would prepare a suprise, he's more of a "i brought you something insane and set it at your feet like a giant kitty cat." so it's either gaara, or, more realistically, gaara's assistant, who schedules all of gaara's everything.
Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things?
neither. they don't say things they don't mean. their word is their bond.
Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?
kimimaro picks gaara up and tucks him into bed, then sits in front of the door for six hours.
utagura.
Who is the most affectionate?
physically it's utakata, although it's more teasing than straight up affectionate. yagura is the one who drops L-bombs and what not because utakata's too much of a pussy to use his words for the first year or two they're together.
Who initiates the handholding?
utakata. he watches yagura rile himself up about something totally unimportant, then tangles their fingers together and watches the knot in yagura's neck unfurl.
Who worries more for the other?
yagura. utakata is a walking, talking Very Special Episode on substance abuse, and every time he walks out the door yagura's 85% sure he's going to wind up dead in a ditch.
Who is more likely to ask for help?
neither. they don't Do That unless it's dire, at which point yagura will ask before utakata. utakata gets help for things that don't matter, like getting housewives to cover his dinner tab.
Who is the one always losing the keys?
utakata. he's a poet, scholar, and blunt smoker, man. his brain is not in the building most days.
Who lives little love notes for the other?
utakata. he leaves little poems tucked in places for yagura to find when he's going to be gone for long trips, or, honestly, just because. saying how he feels aloud has been beaten out of utakata, so it's easier to write a poem at 3 am and tuck it in yagura's underwear drawer than to shake him awake and tell him he's the only reason utakata's still alive, sooooooooo.
Who can’t sleep unless the other is there?
both. utakata has bad insomnia and hallucinations sometimes, and yagura has genjutsu trauma. sleeping together is an anchor tethering them to the one reality that is finally good to them.
Who is more likely to propose to the other?
utakata, surprisingly, because he knows how much it would mean to yagura.
Who introduced the other to their family first?
[strained laughter for 45 minutes] they work very hard to forget each other's families, thank you.
Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair?
yagura. when utakata is feeling overstimulated and can't handle touch but yagura needs some creature comfort, hair is a good alternative.
Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated?
yagura. utakata would filter feed on pond water if he could just perfect the jutsu. he's one of those freaks who think eating is a waste of time/inconvenience.
Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other?
both. they will both stand up for each other, because they won't stand up for themselves when it matters.
Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other?
hmmmm. on a daily basis, yagura. small surprises and whatnot. on a macroscale, utakata. he knows these things matter to yagura, and he applies every ounce of his brilliance to crafting signature, special moments just for yagura, including private fireworks displays, a picnic under the ocean, and creating and naming jutsus for and after his beloved awabi.
Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things?
as children, it was yagura. they might have some holdover as adults.
Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?
utakata. yagura works himself into a frenzy then poops out on the couch, and it's up to utakata to cover him up or carry him to bed; usually the latter.
#this nearly killed me but i made it damn it#cw substance abuse#cw abuse mention#long post#answered: ooc.#answered.#i could hold your love in my mouth and make pearls of it. ( utayagu | kyousei )#kyousei#tbt.#so many ships so many tags i need to write...
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MINI TAG DROP: UTAKATA.
VERSE ONE.
verse: there is a spring under the ground — the resurrection not of the dead but of the living. ( default ) / / follows utakata’s life in his default verse.
arc one: i want to be something entirely without words. i want to be without tongue or temper. ( childhood ) / / follows utakata’s life in kirigakure. age: 0-10+
arc two: and i thought: so this is the world. i'm not in it. it is beautiful. ( shippuden ) / / follows utakata’s life leading up to and during shippuden. age: 20-26+
arc three: we are not unspectacular things. we’ve survived this much. what would happen if we survived more? loved harder? ( post-war ) / / age: 26+
SPECIFIC SHIPS:
i could hold your love in my mouth and make pearls of it. ( utayagu | kyousei ) / / with @kyousei
look; look how long this love can hold its breath. ( utazabu | godmist ) / / with @godmist
#tag drop.#tag drop: utakata.#arc one: i want to be something entirely without words. i want to be without tongue or temper. ( childhood )#arc two: and i thought: so this is the world. i'm not in it. it is beautiful. ( shippuden )#arc three: we are not unspectacular things. we’ve survived this much. what would happen if we survived more? loved harder? ( post-war )#i could hold your love in my mouth and make pearls of it. ( utayagu | kyousei )#look; look how long this love can hold its breath. ( utazabu | godmist )#queue.#verse: there is a spring under the ground — the resurrection not of the dead but of the living. ( default )
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