#i could also have titled this JOEL ACQUIRES MORE CHILDREN BY ACCIDENT

[cansofpeaches]

Suburbia

In his family, Joel finds a normal life (albeit one full of shenanigans). Modern AU. Also on AO3. And here’s a teensy fanmix of songs that inspired me while I was writing.

This is the final installment in the Home Is Not Places universe! You don't really need to read the other stories before this one, but it might make more sense if you do.

So glad to have finally finished this! Thanks to @raffinit and @anne1marie for bothering me relentlessly about it the encouragement to wrap it up! ;)

All things considered, Joel thought the move had gone pretty well.

That is, until he heard the crashing sound coming from the kitchen.

“Sorry!” Ellie called, her voice echoing from the back of the house to the front door, where Joel stood, nerves on end and shoulders up around his ears from shock. “Sorry, that was me!”

Joel made his way to the kitchen, where Ellie stood red-faced over what had once been a box containing a full set of plates. Joel sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Tess,” he groaned.

“I’ll grab a broom,” Tess said, slipping past him with an apologetic look to go back out to the truck.

“Sorry,” Ellie squeaked again.

Joel leaned heavily on the door frame. “Could be worse. Coulda been our wedding china.”

Even after he spoke them, the words clung sticky to the inside of his mouth.

Wedding china.

Joel Miller with wedding china. If anyone had told him five years ago that one day he’d own anything so fancy, let alone anything so associated with the institution of marriage, he would have laughed in their face.

But that was before Ellie.

Ellie, who, when Joel thought back on it, seemed to have come barrelling into his life out of nowhere, shaking him from ten years of grief, reminding him of all the parts of fatherhood that he had come to love so much.

But of course, Ellie hadn’t come from nowhere. It had been Tess’s idea to foster in the first place, and it was thanks to Tess that they both now had an energetic almost-seventeen-year-old on their hands.

One who was starting college a year early, because she was so damn smart she’d managed to skip a grade long before she’d even had any kind of supportive family environment.

The very thought of shipping his baby girl off to school made Joel nauseous.

“It’s not like she’s going far,” Tess had reminded him last week, as she tucked folded sheets into boxes, readying them for the move. “MIT is maybe a forty-minute drive away from the new house.”

“I’m allowed to worry about my kid, ain’t I?” Joel grumbled, taping another box of winter clothing shut. In a lower voice, he muttered, “Besides, not like it worked out well the last time I sent a kid to school in Boston.”

There was a long silence, filled only with the sounds of Joel ripping tape. After a few moments, he felt Tess’s fingers hesitant on his shoulder, and the gingerness of her touch filled him with shame.

“That wasn’t fair,” he said, sighing and turning to her. Her eyes were wide and brimming. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “No, I am. I shouldn’t have --”

Joel lifted her hand from his arm and kissed her knuckles. “Doesn’t matter, alright?”

She’d nodded, but as she went back to packing, she gnawed on her lip in a way that made Joel’s stomach clench.

Ellie had so far survived orientation, which made Joel feel a bit better, but still, his incessant worrying had not abated. Lost in thought, Joel jumped when Ellie waved a hand in front of his face.

“Earth to Joel,” Ellie said.

He blinked, then rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Sorry, baby girl, did you say something?“

Ellie rolled her eyes at him, but she was giving him a familiar, indulgent smile. One that Sarah used to wear when she thought he was being silly. “I said, do you want me to run to IKEA with you tomorrow to get another set?”

Joel wrinkled his nose. “Ellie, it is one thing to get you dorm shit from there, I’m not gonna --”

“Now you got him all worked up.” Tess came in behind him, shoving him in the small of his back with the end of the broom and making him swear. His wife shook her head as she handed Ellie the broom and dustpan. “Clean.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ellie said, carefully sweeping the dish shards into the pan.

“Gonna be a lot quieter around here in August,” Joel groused.

Ellie stuck her tongue out at him. “You’re gonna miss me, you know it.”

Joel just sighed heavily, and Tess gave his shoulder a squeeze as she passed.

Joel stretched as he walked in the back door, his joints popping and creaking in protest. Taking the empty pizza boxes out to the curb had more or less done him in for the evening. He shut the door quietly and locked it, smiling with satisfaction as he heard it click. It felt good to be a homeowner again.

In the living room, he heard Tess and Ellie talking in low voices.

“...gonna tell him?” Ellie was saying as he walked into the room.

“Tell me what?” Joel asked as he entered.

Tess, who was standing in front of Ellie with her hands on her hips, paled. Ellie looked like she was biting back a laugh.

“Who says we were talkin’ about you, old man?” Tess said.

Before Joel could reply, Ellie asked, a little too loudly, “What’s Tommy getting here?”

Joel shot Tess a dark look -- This ain’t over. “Friday,” he said. “Close to dinnertime. I figure you and Tess can pick ’em up from the airport while I get somethin’ on the table.”

“Can I drive?” Ellie asked, beaming at Tess.

Tess groaned. “So I can be sick to my stomach when my in-laws get here?”

Ellie’s eyes gleamed mischievously. “You already --”

“Fine!” Tess fairly yelled. “Clearly you need the practice.”

Ellie cackled. “Good night!” she sang as she scampered up the stairs.

“The hell was that all about?” Joel asked, looking from Tess to the ceiling; above them, Ellie was already banging around the new bathroom, making him wince.

“Nothing,” Tess said. “Let’s go to bed, big guy. I’m exhausted.”

Joel opened his mouth to argue, but the ache in his back told him not to.

Tomorrow, he thought as he slowly climbed up the stairs behind her.

But there just wasn’t time the following day. Joel, Tess, and Ellie spent it unpacking and getting everything in order, and in the middle of the afternoon, Tess remembered that they had no plates and ran out to buy another set. Joel was aching to his very bones by nightfall, and he went to bed as early as he could manage.

The day after that, Friday, was more of the same: Tess and Ellie went out to finally get groceries while Joel put the finishing touches on the house. As soon as they got back and the grocery bags were on the counter, they were gone again -- to get Tommy, Maria, and their daughter, Sofia, from the airport.

Joel sighed as he pulled the ingredients for that night’s salad out of the bags. Later, he thought. He’d find time later. That night, dammit.

An hour later, Joel had steaks sizzling in the pan and greens waiting to be tossed when he heard the front door slam open. He winced as Ellie called out, “They’re heeere!” in a sing-song voice.

"Comin’!” Joel wiped his hands on a towel and then headed into the living room. As soon as he was through the doorframe, a whiz of dark blonde hurtled itself into him.

“Uncle Joel!” his niece chirped happily, wrapping her arms around his middle.

“Hey there, sweet pea -- oof.” Joel had pulled her into a bear hug and then hitched her up on his hip. “You’re gettin’ big,” he said, giving Sofia a noisy kiss on the cheek.

The eight-year-old scrunched up her nose. “Gross!”

Joel laughed and set her back down on the floor. He turned to his sister-in-law next, greeting her with a much more polite peck. “I can’t believe they let you on the plane with that thing,” he said, gesturing toward her middle.

Maria put one protective hand over her rounded abdomen. “The doctor said it was fine.”

“Nah, I think he means I should have put you with the checked luggage,” Tommy said as he pulled away from his own hug from Joel.

Maria gave him a slap on the arm when her daughter wasn’t looking.

“It smells great in here,” Ellie said as she hearded Sofia toward the kitchen.

“Dinner will be ready soon,” Joel said. “Y’all had an okay flight?”

“A little bumpy, but nothing too bad,” Maria said, stooping to pick up her bag. Joel shooed her away.

“C’mon now, you’re pregnant,” Joel said, taking her suitcase from her and heading toward the stairs. “And with twins, no less. I’ve got it.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tess giving him a strange, unreadable look, but she said nothing. Joel wished he could have cornered her then and there, but as it was, he had to show his family to the guest bedroom.

By the time everyone had gotten settled, Joel had dinner plated and waiting on the crowded dining table in the kitchen.

“This is a real nice place you got, big brother,” Tommy said as he sank into his seat.

“Better be,” Joel said as he pulled beers out of the fridge and popped off the tops. “Paid a good enough price for it. You want one?” he asked Tess.

“No thanks.” She pushed a lock of sweaty hair off her forehead.

Joel raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

“I don’t want one,” she said more loudly, her voice pinched.

Joel blinked, then shrugged and came over to the table, passing a bottle over to Tommy.

“Can I have one?” Ellie asked. She was swinging her feet under the table in spite of all the extra people they had sitting around it.

“No,” Joel grumbled. “You’ll get enough of this stuff in college.”

“You ready for school?” Tommy asked her as he helped himself to salad.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Ellie said.

“Nervous?” Maria asked.

“Only a little,” said Ellie, flushing slightly.

“I bet Joel’s already threatenin’ to beat the boys off you,” Tommy said, grinning.

Maria snorted. “As if she’s interested. How’s Riley, honey?”

Ellie now blushed right up to the roots of her hair. “Oh. Uh, we’re kind of on a break right now...”

As she and Maria chatted and Sofia looked at them with some interest, Tommy turned back to Joel and Tess. “It’s a nice place,” he said again.

Joel grunted, lifting his beer to his lips.

“Plenty of room, too,” Tommy added. “Now that you’ve finally made Tess an honest woman, you can start thinkin’ about havin’ kids.” He winked at Tess, who blanched. Joel only shook his head at his younger brother.

At the end of the meal, Joel stood to clear the plates.

“You okay?” he asked Tess. She had cut up all her meat, but it looked like she had only picked at her meal.

“I’m fine,” she said. “Just hot, I guess. Makes me lose my appetite.”

“Could’ve had a beer,” he said.

“Stop pestering her,” Maria said, waving a hand at him.

“Yes, ma’am,” Joel said, carrying the stack of plates to the sink. “C’mon, kiddo,” he said to Ellie. “You’re up.”

By the time he and Ellie were done cleaning up after dinner, Tommy was sitting on the couch with Sofia in his lap, both of them fast asleep, while Tess and Maria were speaking in whispers, their heads close together.

Joel put his hands on his hips. “Did I miss anythin’?” he asked.

Tess looked almost sheepish. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet all throughout dinner. Maria, however, looked him dead in the eye, direct as always.

“Tess was just telling me about how she and Ellie need to get some last-minute clothes for school,” Maria said, giving him an easy smile.

“Ain’t you got enough clothes?” Joel asked Ellie.

She shifted from foot to foot. “I mean -- you never know, right?”

“And Tess is pretty tired from making all those trips downtown,” Maria added.

“It’s been a busy summer,” Tess murmured, sitting back against the couch.

“I always loved back-to-school shopping,” Maria said, her blue eyes bright. “I’m doing it for Sofia, of course, but picking out college stuff is a little more exciting than getting a new box of crayons.”

“I was going to grab some stuff next week, but maybe I can do it this week, and you can come with us,” Ellie said brightly.

“Would that I could,” Maria said. “But I have to help watch Sofia.” She bumped Tess’s knee with her own.

Tess cleared her throat audibly. “I could always watch her. Y’know, let you go into the city with Ellie -- let Joel and Tommy catch up a little. The Sox are playing at home tomorrow and they could probably still get tickets.” She was sweating again, the moisture highlighting the sharp angles of her face.

“Are you sure?” Maria reached over and smoothed Sofia’s hair down. “She might not look like it now, but she can be a real handful.”

“Of course I’m sure,” Tess said, giving Maria a wan smile. “You can all get out of the house tomorrow.”

Later that night, as they prepared for bed, Joel put a hand on the small of Tess’s back.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Tess said. “Shaking off a summer cold or something, I think.”

“You don’t have to babysit Sofia if you don’t feel well.”

Tess shook her head. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Joel sighed. “If you say so.”

“I do.” Her tone was a familiar one: This conversation is over.

Tomorrow, Joel thought as he climbed into bed. I’ll ask her what’s goin’ on tomorrow.

“She usually eats lunch right at noon,” Maria was telling Tess, who looked like a deer in the headlights. “She won’t eat anything orange, and that includes things like American cheese --”

“Lay off of her,” Tommy said. He took his wife’s elbow, but he spoke gently. “Sof’s eight, she can tell Tess what she does and doesn’t like.”

Maria took a deep breath and exhaled through her mouth. “Okay. I know. It’ll be fine.”

“It will,” Tommy assured her.

Tess didn’t look too sure. Joel, who’d been standing behind her at the odds-and-ends table they kept between the front door and the stairs and stuffing his wallet in his back pocket, leaned over his wife’s shoulder and lowered his voice. “Alright?” he asked.

Tess jumped, then turned her head toward him. She gave him a thin smile. “You should be asking Maria that.”

Joel put his arms around her waist and pulled her tight to his chest, planting kisses along her neck. “You’ll do fine,” he murmured. After all, he’d never seen Tess find a challenge she wasn’t up to facing.

“At least someone thinks so,” Tess said, a little breathless. Joel knew it was the closest she’d come to admitting her nervousness.

Ellie came crashing down the stairs at that moment. “Gross,” she said cheerfully, poking Joel in the ribs. “Okay, Maria, ready to go?”

By this time, Maria had collected herself, the worry lines in her face smoothing out and her eyes brightening. “All set.”

“Where’s Sofia?” Joel asked.

Ellie shrugged. “Not sure. But the bathroom door was shut, maybe she’s in there?”

Tess twitched under Joel’s hands, and he laced his fingers with hers.

“Wish me luck,” she muttered as Maria waved at them and followed Ellie out the door.

“Good luck,” Joel said, giving her one last kiss on the cheek. Then he stepped away from her and called: “Tommy, are we goin’ or what?”

“I’m comin’,” Tommy said. As he emerged from the kitchen, he shoved a handful of dry cereal into his mouth. “Let’s go,” he said, chewing loudly. He filed past Tess and Joel followed him, giving her one last look as he shut the door.

It was a long, hot, high-summer game, slow-moving and not terribly interesting until the last two innings. By the time the Red Sox lost, Joel and Tommy had been sitting in the sun for almost four hours, and Joel was feeling sleepy from both the heat and the beers he’d drunk.

“Are Maria and Ellie back at home yet?” Joel asked Tommy as he got into the passenger seat of his truck. As usual, Tommy was the designated driver.

“She texted that they’d be out a while more,” Tommy replied, slamming the driver-side door shut. He shook his head. “Damn woman’s gonna come back with three bags of clothes for herself, I just know it,” he muttered, mostly to himself, as he started the car and backed out of the parking space.

The two brothers didn’t say much on the drive home, both lulled into silence by the humidity and the warm air pouring in through their rolled-down windows. Joel was even thinking that he might take a nap when they got home to sleep off the beers.

But when he opened his front door, the house was eerily quiet.

“Tess?” he called. No one responded. He and Tommy stepped inside and Joel shut the door.

As he walked into the house, he began to notice that things were amiss. The throw pillows from the couch were strewn all over the stairs. In the kitchen, Joel found a flood of water and an empty, overturned plastic bucket, which they usually used for mopping. Joel squinted at the kitchen door, not sure if he was seeing things or if --

“Why is the door wet too?” Tommy said, confirming Joel’s thoughts.

Joel just grunted and made his way back to the living room and up the stairs. A number of bottles was spilling out of the bathroom. When he stuck his head in, he found the shower curtain pulled down and, in the tub, his niece was curled up and fast asleep.

Tommy stuck his head into the bathroom, too, looking around Joel to find his daughter. There was a half second of silence, and then Tommy said, loudly, “What in the hell?”

Sofia twitched in her sleep, then yawned. When she saw the two men standing above her, her eyes went wide.

“Are you alright?” Joel asked her.

“Yes,” she said in a small voice.

“Where’s your Auntie Tess?”

Sofia turned an alarming shade of red. “She -- she -- uhh --”

“Sofia Madison Miller,” Tommy said slowly, in a tone of voice Joel had never heard his baby brother use before, “what is goin’ on here?”

Sofia immediately burst into tears.

Joel was torn between drunkenness, confusion, irritation, and pure hysterics. He fought down the urge to laugh at the sight of Sofia sitting in the tub and wailing, or at Tommy’s dumbstruck face. Tommy rubbed at his eyes with both palms.

“Joel, I’m sorry about this mess, I’ll --”

But at that moment, Joel heard his bedroom door open down the hall. Tess was peeking around the door, her eyes bloodshot. “Joel?”

“I’m just gonna let you handle this,” Joel said, pointing at his niece before marching down the hall, going into his bedroom, and shutting the door.

Tess’s hair was falling in locks from the bandana she usually used to tie it up on her days off from work, her shirt and pants stained with substances Joel couldn’t begin to guess. She looked haggard, the planes of her face sharper, dark circles under her eyes.

“What the hell happened?” he asked her.

Tess threw up her hands. “It was a fuckin’ disaster! Joel, from the time you all left the house, she was -- she was -- sticking a bucket on top of the kitchen door frame so it’d fall on me when I went looking for her, she was sledding down the stairs on pillows, she was getting into all the crap under the bathroom sink --”

“Whoa, whoa,” Joel said, putting his arms on her shoulders. “Slow down. Breathe. You’re alright.”

Tess just shook her head and ran her hands through her hair. “I just just so relieved when she finally fell asleep and -- Joel, I can’t even handle an eight-year-old, how the fuck am I supposed to deal with a baby?”

“It’s okay,” Joel said, pulling her in close and smoothing his hand over her hair, shushing her. “Everything’s --” His still-sluggish and half-drunk brain had just arrived at a realization, and now it seemed frozen. Joel jerked Tess away from him so he could look in her face. “Did you say ‘baby’?”

At this, for the second time in twelve years, Joel watched Tess start sobbing.

“I -- was gonna tell you and then -- never the right time and -- didn’t know how you would react -- Ellie leaving and -- Sarah --”

Joel opened and closed his mouth several times. “Tess -- are you -- did you think --”

“I’m so sorry --”

He shook her by the shoulders a little. “Are you pregnant?” he fairly shouted.

“Yes!” she yelled through her tears. “You fuckin’ idiot, of course I’m --“

She kept yelling, but a whole lot of things were sliding into place in Joel’s brain: Tess’s covert conversations, her odd mood swings, her refusal of the beer the night before...

“You’re pregnant,” he said to her in a normal voice. She was still yelling.

“-- didn’t even think I could anymore --”

“Tess,” he said, shaking her again a little bit, “you’re pregnant.”

She finally fell silent. Took a deep breath and let it out. “Yes, Joel, I’m pregnant.”

In a rush, Joel scooped her up, one arm around her shoulders and the other under her knees, and spun her around, whooping.

“Put me down, you drunk lunatic,” she said, but there was no heat behind it. He kissed her so hard their teeth clacked. “Joel --”

And for a little while, they didn’t speak.

Afterward, as Tess settled her sticky cheek over his still-thundering heart, Joel started laughing.

“The fuck is so funny?” she snapped.

“You,” he said, guffawing. He kissed the crown of her head. “Did you think I’d be mad?”

“I didn’t know what to think,” she said. “All the shit with Ellie has been hard enough on you, besides the crap she pulled when we first brought her in. I wasn’t sure if you’d -- want to, y’know? Not again. Not ... from scratch, anyway.” She lapsed into silence, her shoulders tense.

Joel sighed, shaking his head a little. “Oh, sweetheart,” he murmured. “How could I ever be mad at you for this?”

She looked up at him then, her face calmer, relieved. He smoothed his knuckles over her cheek.

“Might be a better fit as somebody’s papaw these days,” he said.

Tess snorted. “Speak for yourself, old man.” But she frowned a little. “Are you sure you’re not upset?”

“I’m not,” Joel said. He put a hand over her middle, still flat, but enough to send a spark of excitement up his spine. “Jesus, how could I be? And you’re gonna be the most amazin’ mother.”

Tess arched an eyebrow. “I highly doubt that, after today. You Millers have demon spawn.”

“It’ll be half Callahan.”

Tess softened almost imperceptibly. “It will,” she allowed.

“I love you,” Joel said. “Of course I’m gonna love our baby.”

“I love you, too.” Tess settled back into his arms. “Tommy’s gonna wonder what’s been going on in here. He’ll give you hell later.”

Joel grinned. “No, he won’t.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I still have that voicemail saved from when he and Maria were dating and he butt-dialed me while they were fuckin’.”