#i completely stole this gif from icarus

[fawnrowe]

being abby’s anal princess …

[agroteraa]

The Wrath of the Stag

Chapter one

Oliver Quick x f!Reader

My fic masterlist

Part 3.1.

Part 1: Actaeon

Part 2: Artemis

Part 3.2: The Wrath of the Stag (ch.2)

Warnings: smut, voyeurism, masturbation, mentions of sex, almost?onesided!Felix.

Word Count: 4,3K

The summer went on. June and July were already more than happy months, but August gifted you with completely new feelings in your life.

Two weeks had passed since the events of the karaoke night. During this time, you and Oliver became even closer, but it was only known to the two of you. In public, you tried to behave the same way, but as soon as no one was around, Oliver stole a kiss from you every now and then, and this was just the beginning of the list. Winking at him while playing tennis, almost riding him in the library chair, flirting by the pool while no one was watching and caressing each other underwater, passionately making out on Saltburn garden benches late at nights, luring him into your bathroom while no one was nearby, holding hands in the dark in the "back row" in the cinema room while watching some TV or film all together. And endless glances at each other that lasted almost forever.

And not to mention all the hot, sleepless, though as silent as possible, summer nights that he gave you when he sneaked into your room. Of course, your rapprochement was seen a little more in public than before, but no one seemed to notice anything. Or say anything. Except Felix, who sometimes seemed to frown if you and Oliver talked about something for too long, forgetting about him.

This summer was like a thrilling fairy tale that was supposed to end beautifully with Oliver Quick's birthday.

While Elspeth and James were planning the party, the costumes, the guest list, you were thinking about what you could gift your dear one. During a trip with Venetia to the city for shopping and searching of an outfit for the upcoming event, you went to a local bookstore. Walking past the shelves and looking through the many options, you stopped at something that such a sophisticated and well-read person like Oliver would appreciate. A large thick dark green book about ancient Greek mythology in a gift edition, with gold lettering, on the cover there was Icarus falling away from the sun. His wings and sun were embossed in gold and were slightly voluminous. Excellent, you thought to yourself, running your fingers over the cover. That was it.

Returning to Saltburn after a trip on a hot day, you and Venetia decided to swim a little, and then take a rest and sunbathe near the windows of the house. Having spread out colorful blankets, both of you lay down on them in swimsuits, drank soda and lazily chatted about something of your own.

Oliver was smoking at the time, lying in his bathtub and enjoying the thought of how he would bask in attention on his birthday. How he would bathe in Y/N’s attention. After leaving the tub, he was waiting for water to drain and slowly walked over to the window. Oh. You were there, lying in a swimsuit. You were relatively far away, but he could perfectly imagine the droplets of water and sweat evaporating from your hot body. You turned over on the blanket, gracefully bending and swinging your legs, talking to Venetia.

Ooh. He had missed you so much already. He remembered how this body, which was now turning on the blanket, writhing under him last night. It was so beautiful. He began to feel aroused again. Oliver's hand reached down for the rapidly hardening cock. He was lazily puffing on a cigarette and looking at you from the window, stroking his manhood. It felt so good. He felt like a king in his domain right now.

"Hey, Ollie, I..." Felix entered the room without knocking, thinking that Oliver was in his room and not in the bathroom, "What the fuck?"

Quick took his hand away in fright and jumped a little away from the window, putting out his cigarette.

Felix went to the window and followed his gaze, "No, what the fuck? Are you wanking to my sister? Or… Y/N?!"

Oliver started to stutter, "Um...I..."

"No, I want to know that. It's creepy, man!" Felix insisted.

Not knowing which answer was the most or least acceptable to Felix, Oliver decided to say "both".

"Huh?" Felix was still confused, standing frozen for a moment. But then shook it off, laughing, "I get it, buddy, it seems someone has a complete lack of girls. Don't worry, we'll go back to Oxford, I'll help you get laid."

He jokingly hit Oliver in the shoulder, he shriveled a little, and nodded, pursing his lips, responding with a weak "yeah, great".

"I just came by to tell you that my mom has found you a birthday outfit and wants you to come up to her now. You should like it," Felix said, turning around and leaving the room, his face becoming gloomy and broody again.

* * *

Two days later, you were reading a copy of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" by the pool, the weather was wonderful and you were enjoying the August sun. Felix came to the next lounger, wearing only swimming shorts.

"Hey, Y/N, can I join your sunbathing?"

You said yes, surprised that the owner of the house suddenly asked you for such permission. He sat down and looked at you, smiling. He was squinting slightly from the sun, the freckles on his face were beautifully scattered over his summer-tanned skin.

"Oh, you've almost finished the book... And I'm stuck in the middle, I still can't get through it, the chapters got tedious."

You laughed, "Well, yes, you've never been a big fan of books."

"It's true," Felix grinned and continued, hesitating, "Y/N, can we talk about something?"

"...yes?" you answered, surprised, putting the book on your lap and sitting up on your lounger.

"What are you... thinking about Oliver?" that question turned your stomach over. What did he mean, did he know something?

"Um, well, he's a good guy. And interesting one. Better than I thought of him when I saw him at Oxford. More precisely, I wasn’t thinking about him at all then, it's more correct to say so," you muttered nervously.

"So are you thinking now?.. Anyways, I don't know, Y/N, sometimes he seems a little strange to me."

"What exactly is it?"

"It doesn't matter," Felix frowned, "The important thing is that I don't really want you to get close. I can see that something is going to happen, between you too. I don't know. Intuition or something. You better not get too close to him."

Oh. It began to dawn on you, and a hot feeling of indignation rose to your throat.

"Listen. I remember Venetia saying that Felix doesn't like to share his toys, but Oliver is a living person with freedom of choice. However, if you don't like it so much that he started communicating more with me than with you, then okay, let's figure something out, but still..."

"No," Felix interrupted you, "It's not about him, it's about you. I don't want to share you. And no, not "share," for God's sake, what a stupid word. And I'm not even talking about the "toy", Venetia is not a five-year-old child..."

You were sitting on a lounger, completely frozen. No.

"...and still she talks about me like I don't want to share a toy train or something," he continued, "So, Y/N, I've been thinking a lot about you, seeing how happily and enthusiastically you are spending time with Oliver. And I thought... that I've also spent so much time hanging out him this summer and basically over the past year, and not only with him, while I could have spent more time with you. Sorry about that."

No, no, no, no. No.

Felix looked expressively at you, raising his eyebrows above his brown doe eyes, and then looked down, smiling warmly and a little shyly.

Your eyes started to fill up a little bit with tears. Felix Catton, what were you doing? Where were you three years ago, two years ago, and even almost a year ago?

That summer when your parents brought you to Saltburn flashed through your mind, you saw Felix for the first time since your almost childhood games. He grew up a lot, became very tall, his voice became deep and velvety, and the slightly angular teenage beauty finally turned into the impeccable beauty of a young man. You fell in love with him those days. But along with these changes, his personality also began to transform. He was still kind and sweet, but a slight harmless arrogance and childish mischief not so rarely began to manifest themselves as selfishness, whims and some kind of narcissism. He had reached an age when the girls' former teenage crushes had turned into insanity and a struggle for his attention. Felix began to bask in the countless girlish admiration.

It upset you, although you were still his friend, his girlfriend's status didn't seem to shine on you, no matter how much you or even your parents, especially your father, wanted it. But you never told Felix and he never knew. You gave hints, but he was so unobservant and self-absorbed that he didn't notice any of this. It also negated your feelings.

The last hope was the moment when you entered Oxford together. You thought this was the right time to get serious, think about your priorities and start learning to live on your own, but it seems that for Felix this was just an excuse to finally break away, disappearing at all the parties in the area, charming the entire campus, taking advantage of all the opportunities and all the girls that life provided him.

This all finally put an end to your last feelings for him, and you moved on, arranging your academic and personal life without his participation and hopes about it. You finally felt absolutely fine and calm, especially having Oliver in your life now.

And now he was telling you all this?

"It was a wonderful summer, I was so happy to spend it with you as much as I could. And I'm already looking forward to returning to Oxford in the autumn, where we could hang out more often."

He smiled shyly, looking into your eyes.

"What about... all the girls?" that's all you were able to say at this moment.

"To hell with the girls. I've been hanging out enough, what haven't I seen there? They're different every day, but they're all the same in the end. And you're the same every day, yet so… different."

At these words, goosebumps ran through your body, and you almost started crying.

"I'm... sorry, it's all kind of sudden. I do not know what to say..." you would have refused another person right away, but you were not able to refuse him here and now, whether it was because you did not have the recourses for this conversation, whether the remnants of old feelings for him woke up in you, or you did not want to offend him, you didn't know yourself. Also, it was not a direct proposal for date or something, after all.

Felix looked at you anxiously, fidgeting on his lounger.

"O-of course, I'm sorry. No pressure, I'm sorry, Y/N. You don't have to answer me right now, I just wanted to tell you how I'm feeling now, that's all."

You nodded and, throwing a towel over yourself and holding back tears, went into the house. Catton Jr. sadly watched you go with a puppy dog look.

* * *

Fortunately, this situation did not manifest itself in any way later. Felix had been acting almost as if nothing happened for several days, and just in case, you decided not to display any special joy when you were communicating with Oliver. What was gotten into him? Probably, after all, he was jealous of his friend for you, because he invited you both this summer, and instead of communicating primarily with the young owner of the house, you and Oliver began to hang out much more with each other. His old and faithful friend and his new friend, whom Felix was very interested in and wanted to help in some way. Yes, perhaps this was really not quite fair, you decided, and began to search for a balance in communicating with both of them.

However, the balance was maintained during the day, but at night the scales often tilted to one particular side. But that wasn't the kind of thing Felix or anyone in this house should know how and with whom did you spend your restless nights.

* * *

"Happy Birthday, Ollie!" you kissed the guy softly, gazing lovingly into his eyes. He looked back at you with adoration. "Ollie." He loved that name when you said it. You were sitting on his bed in his room, it was a beautiful sunny day, the light played on your faces and was especially brightly reflected in the azure eyes of a man who became a year older that day.

"Thank you, my dear Y/N," said the birthday boy, "What is it?"

"If you open it, you'll find out," biting your lip in anticipation, you teased him.

"Oh," he breathed, tearing up the gift wrap, "I do love the culture and history of Ancient Greece, especially its myths. That's fantastic, thanks, Y/N. Although you should know that this is not your most important gift to me."

"Then what is it?"

"You."

Oliver moved closer, covered your hand with his and kissed you gently. Then he took you in his arms, getting out of bed, and began to spin you in the air while you were laughing loudly. Dust motes in the air were spinning and dancing with you too, which were revealed now by your movements and by a bright light shining through the windows of the old manor. You both wanted this moment to last forever.

"And now excuse me, Y/N, I need to get ready – Felix has prepared some kind of surprise for me, we will be back in the evening. See you at the party! I'm looking forward to seeing you in your party dress," Quick winked at you.

* * *

"Felix, look, Felix, please, let me just explain…"

"I think the best thing is that you go home after your party… It is just weird… You’re fucking liar, Ollie! Why would you lie?"

He would tell him why. To attract Felix's fading attention. He wouldn't have seen the need to lie to you about it separately, but since it happened that way…

"Oh, Ollie, poor thing..." that was the first time you called him that when you heard his terrible story. The only time before Saltburn. Your watery eyes, raised eyebrows, worried look. You hugged him comfortingly. For the first and only time before Saltburn. At that moment, he realized that he was ready to come up with a hundred more lies so that you would look at him like that again, so that you would hug him like that again. It was worth it.

"I just wanted to be your friend."

"Look, let’s just get through tonight."

"Can you not tell your family, please? And... Y/N" Oliver looked at Felix pleadingly.

"Of course not. I don’t want her to be disappointed. Fucking hell! It is dark enough as it is!" he replied, retreating deeper into the house.

* * *

You didn't know when they returned, that Oliver went straight to his room, where, crying and screaming into the sheets all his pain, confusion and frustration, he spent the rest of the evening.

Well, now it was time to try on your roles.

You chose a Hermia costume from a Midsummer Night's Dream – a light mint-colored dress just below the knee, baring your shoulders, a crimson fabric passed through your body, which went behind your back and joined in the back area. You had sandals with small heels on your feet. Twirling around in front of the mirror, you left the room satisfied. You headed on to the party early hoping to talk to Oliver, but you met Felix in the hallway with a bottle of tequila in his hand. It seems he was already somewhat drunk.

"Y/N!" he said, "Ah, you look amazing."

Who would say – the guy himself was an angel in the flesh. Literally this time. Golden wings peeked out from behind his back and gave him a festive look, although the rest of his clothes was more than casual - a white tank top and blue jeans, he looked stunning nonetheless.

"Where are you going? The party is that way," Catton Jr. laughed.

"I wanted to find Oliver, I need to talk to him, I haven't seen him since this morning..."

"Listen, don't," Felix's face darkened, "Just don't, let's go have some fun."

"What do you mean..." you started, while Felix, gently putting his hand on your back, led you to the nearest patio bench. He lit a cigarette and began his speech, "Y/N, do you think some people can... keep an eye on others? And to behave strangely in general, not like... all other normal people... not like us."

You didn't understand what he was leading to. Felix slowly exhaled cigarette smoke and continued.

"Do you remember... that TV show, Big Brother? Farleigh got me hooked on it after all. And so, I thought after that, maybe we are also being watched ... sometimes more than we can imagine?"

"Felix, I really don't understand what you're talking about, just tell me directly."

"Don't communicate with Oliver. He's on his own weird mind and generally..."

"What? Felix, it's not funny, please don't talk about Oliver like that just because we started communicating with each other more than with you. And even more so if..."

Felix covered your hand with his and looked at you with a speaking gaze that clearly insisted on his position. You pulled your hand back.

"I like Oliver. He's a good guy."

"Oh my God, Y/N! He wanked at you with Venetia!" the combination of alcohol and cigarettes made the guy more emotional than usual.

"WHAT?"

"Yes, I saw it myself, as he stood in the bathroom, with a cigarette in one hand and his junk in the other. He was looking at you and Venetia when you were sunbathing under the windows, and he told me himself that he was staring and doing… it... at both of you. I just wanted to go in and tell him that mom was calling him to try on a suit..."

The story seemed both true and not to you, you froze, unable to realize it and even more so to believe it.

"I told him that he had a lack of girls in his life, and that we would fix it when we returned to Oxford. He kind of agreed."

Your lips were shaking, you were barely able to control your trembling and coming up tears. An image of Eddie popped into your head. A guy from last summer, another Felix's friend from Oxford, whom Felix invited to spend the summer in Saltburn. Everything was fine, and you were all chatting nicely, when suddenly they quarreled with Felix because Eddie slept with his sister. You didn't even know it was developing this way until it happened, and it was too late for everyone. And you even thought at one point that Eddie might like you. God, are you such a blind fool? All these events seemed painfully familiar to you right now, but you didn't want them to happen again for real. Not with him. Not with your Ollie.

"Tequila? " Felix suggested, and you silently grabbed the bottle, taking many big sips, "Hey, take it easy..."

Felix patted you on the shoulder, and then tucked a stray lock behind your ear, "Don't get upset about this weirdo, Y/N. He'll come and go, but you and I are here forever. Forget it."

He put his hand on yours again, looking at you with his gleaming brown eyes. But you were not up to it, you pulled your hand out for the second time and ran away with quick, sharp steps, taking the bottle of tequila with you.

At that moment, Farleigh sauntered up to Felix from the other side of the courtyard. He sat down next to him and lit a cigarette. "And I've told you that this Oliver is a little. Damn. Freak," he said, gesturing with the cig in his hand, "Have never been wrong about my antipathies."

Felix, not even particularly surprised that Farleigh had heard everything, only replied, "Yes, maybe you were right...", but he did not say about the main Oliver’s lie. Felix had promised. And he kept his promises. At least some of them.

* * *

You went to the party in the main hall, where people were already hanging out and music was playing. The bottle in your hands was almost empty and helped you not to cry this evening. Although perhaps your sadness was growing into more of an anger, because for the second hour straight you had been scrolling in your mind through the images of previous and this summer in your head. Eddie, Venetia… Oliver… Venetia… You also remembered how nice and quite lively he was with her, especially at first. You thought it was just a courtesy to the daughter of the owners of the house, but now you were very unsure about it. Moreover, you remembered how, somewhere in June, Farleigh hinted that he saw them together at night under the castle window, but there was no confirmation of this, and the situation was forgotten. Or maybe he was right all along? Oh, stupid you.

You walked through the crowd, smiled briefly and nodded to Lady Elspeth, who was dressed as Titania. A beautiful look, but you were not in the mood to approach and compliment her right now, even Sir James's knight costume, which completely did not match the fantasy outfit of his fairy queen, stopped making you smile. Taking a cocktail from the waiters, you stood against the wall, looking at the people sulkily. Venetia was dancing somewhere in the crowd. You wanted to approach her terribly, but you didn't know at all how or what to start a conversation with her. Everything seemed stupid and pointless.

Happiness

And loneliness

A familiar song started playing, the lines of which were now especially bitterly perceived by your clouded mind. Happiness... was it really there? There were so many questions running through your head. How dared he peep on you, on you and Venetia, and maybe not only, and what was he doing at the same time… You were furious and frustrated at the same time.

Happiness seems to be loneliness

And loneliness killed my world

How could you guess, when you're only thinking of yourself

And how you look to other girls?

The bass dropped, and the hall exploded with a powerful electronic bridge. At that moment, Oliver entered the room from the other end. He was wearing a dazzling white suit with beautiful oak leaf embroidery, the jacket barely concealed his bare torso, as he was shirtless. He had antlers on his head.

He walked deeper into the room with a slow, confident gait, as if he was looking for someone. Purple, pink and blue lights from the spotlight danced on his face, and he himself was periodically disappeared in the rays of the strobe light as he pierced through the crowd.

Happiness seems to be loneliness

And loneliness killed my world

How could you guess, when you're only thinking of yourself

And how you look to other girls?

Yes, he was looking for you. Your legs almost carried you to him on their own. But you didn't want to come over. You just decided to stand against the wall, watching what happens next. And you shouldn't decide to do that, because he found some girl in the crowd, bent down and whispered something in her ear. They began to dance slightly to the rhythm of the song. Something moved inside you. But you were already drunk enough to, instead of frustration, angrily come up to the waiter near the "lovebirds" and defiantly start drinking two shots in a row right there.

Oliver, seeing you, exclaimed "Y/N!", immediately recoiling from this girl.

"Oh, you noticed me! Must have been looking for me for a long time?" you remarked venomously.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking for you right now."

Your heart sank into your heels.

"Then who is it?"

"It doesn't matter. We'll talk later, please," Oliver said gloomily, looking you up and down, but saying nothing more.

He went on into the crowd, and you remained standing, deafened by the sounds of screaming music about happiness and loneliness. Soon enough, you saw that Oliver had found Venetia, and she hugged him while he started talking in her ear. She shrugged cheerfully, throwing her arms over his shoulders, and began swinging her hips next to him. Your heart was almost broken. You drank another shot, grabbed from the waiter's tray, and headed in the other direction, noticing that Felix had entered the hall.

"Y/N, how are you? I hope you're having fun. Oh..." the guy exclaimed joyfully, realizing that you were taking his hand and leading him through the crowd to the exit. The crowd did not end both inside and outside the manor – everything was filled with people shouting, dancing, drinking and kissing to loud music. You were drunk too and didn't even fully understand what you wanted to do, but you knew for sure that you needed to go to a place where there would be silence and no one around.

And so you had reached the maze.

[clubdionysus]

MOTHER HOLLY HOLLY HOLLLYYY. I like to think I am an OG as I’ve been reading your works since you had to convince us that Throttle was NOT going to be like Icarus.

Still too traumatized to finish Throttle😭😭 But I know it’s going to be good when I do catch up.

But i HAVE to say, I think you’ve completely out done yourself with this one. Bad Decisions is absolutely insane and I absolutely love it. If this became an actual book in stores, I’d buy the paperback and I only audible novels nowadays😭😭. Even though I still can’t understand the British slang you know in there as an American, I love it solely bc it almost feels like a trademark in all of your stories to incorporate these british words I’ve never heard of even though English is my only language.

We started with You Up being my comfort story to being obsessed Disco Ball and her little buzz lightyear. I LOVE how in almost all your stories (give or take for the couple darker themes) Jungkooks personality is the same to the core, but they’re all still unique to the story line and the female lead is so real. It’s real, the people you create and I love that I can visualize it, feel right there in your stories. Feel involved and understand them.

I just have to express how MUCH i love your writing and BD just so happens to be the best of all time. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it being finished. Although I only just started #57, I wish you could write them FOREVER!!! I don’t know how it will feeel to reread the story bc the FEELINGS you stole from me!!! RUDE!! TOUGH LOVE I GUESS IS YOUR THING.

BUT YOU ALSO ARE SO NASTY!$!!! THESE TWO ARE NASTY!!! I LOVE NASTY!!! I’m starting to think you’re a TI*** gal with the reoccurring themes maam!!

LASTLY im obsessed with the style you write in. Your ability to go from such beautiful descriptive writing to it being so casual, almost as if we are reading their exact thoughts in that exact moment. I love how you can fluidity transition from internal POV to such conviction. It’s fun and amazing at the same time. I definitely think it keeps my short attention span engaged with the conversational/real world writing. Almost as if you are writing transcriptions.

Anyways HOLLY YOU ARE MY FAVORITE AND IVE BEEN READING YOUR STORIES SINCE LIKE 2020 and I’ve LOVED being along in this journey with you and I’m already dreading the ending of BD and don’t want it. But don’t hold off I don’t like that either. EITHER WAY whatever it is will be good, NEVER BEEN disappointed… excepty maybe for the way Byeol isn’t American bc if that nasty red goblin tried it, we would of been in a fight the second she looked at me funny. LOVE FROM TEXAS MISS HOLLY CANT WAIT TO CONTINUE READING YOUR WORK EVEN IF YKU END UP A PUBLISHED AUTHOR

^^ me @ u rn :( waaa so cute!!!!!!

thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!! where to even begin with this ask??!!!!!! firstly, just pls accept the biggest thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me!! <3 I know it must have taken a lil while to write all that out!!

im answering under a read more just for the sake of peoples dashboards hehe

LMAO im making edits to the answer bc i reread and have just noticed a few more things - first MOTHER? am I mother???!!! hahaha that's killed me off. in my mother era

I AM SORRY FOR THE ICARUS TRAUMA

.... or am i hehehhee

it's funny because i very nearly killed jimin in throttle to make up for not killing him in icarus LOL but I made a promise I had to keep!! the throttle ending is v tame!!! people were actually disappointed with it LOL but it's a fable!!! a cautionary tale!!!! is the opposite of icarus!!!! it does exactly what it needs to :D

Thank you SO much for your kind words!! bad decisions has been such labour of love, and the response has been so heart warming. you really do get back what you put in, yanno!!

the funny thing is, bd is three-four standard novel long already. if it was a 'real' book, it'd be an entire series hahaha, no publisher would ever pick it up, so it will forever be our special lil fan fic <3

i always try and make sure my jungkooks are close to him in some way shape or form. even slut war jk is gonna be very jk (just more so the eccentric, slightly unhinged side). i think the wonderful thing about having a muse like jungkook is that he just offers up so much of his heart to us fans, and it makes it so easy to write something that feels so 'true' to him. our baby star candy <33

i do think, out of all of my jk's, bd jk is probably the one that draws on his real personality the most, but that's partially because it was written in tandem with all those weverse lives of him being the absolute best boy :(

lmaooooooo, bd jk gets his nastiness from my virgo boy. sigh, i just love virgos <33and re: titties it'ss bc i have arguably the biggest ones known to man </3 life is so hard </3333

ahhh see it's funny, my friends irl who don't know much about my writing always say that whenever they read my writing, its sounds like how I talk, so I definitely think my narrative voice matches my actual voice. it's taken me a while to develop my writing style and its something I'm proud of bc I feel like I've managed to establish a voice that you just *know* is mine.

thank you so so much for this ask. i saw it when it came in, but was in the middle of something at work, and so I have just been thinking about it for the past couple of days with a lil smile on my face. I'm so so grateful to have such kind hearted readers <33

sending love from daegu!!! <33

[dreamwritesimagines]

Enamored Extra Scene 3

This whole night didn’t even feel real.

The opera house was lit up in its all glory, yet it didn’t make Anthony feel anything other than the sinking regret at the pit of his stomach. The fresh air did nothing to help the haze of alcohol muddying up his mind after Benedict pushed him to a bench so that he could sit down. He rested his elbows on his knees, bouncing his leg while Benedict heaved a sigh, then offered him a cigarette.

Anthony eyed the cigarette wearily, wiped the blood off his mouth–a gift from Elias, not that he hadn’t deserved it-, then put the cigarette between his lips, and let Benedict light it.

“Are you alright?”

Anthony scoffed a bitter chuckle as he took a drag, then exhaled the smoke while Simon approached them, no doubt having assured the rest of the family back in the opera house that nothing was wrong.

If only.

“Well hello Icarus,” Simon said with a small smile, “How did it feel to fly so close to the sun? Did you enjoy it?”

Benedict grinned. “Burned thoroughly, if I do say so myself.”

“God, I hate both of you,” Anthony grumbled and Simon sat beside him, clasping his shoulder.

“It gets better.”

“It won’t,” Anthony muttered, wiping at the blood again. “Elias will never forgive me, and I’ve lost the woman I…” he stopped himself, taking the cigarette to his lips again and Benedict tilted his head.

“The woman you what?”

“Leave me be, Benedict.”

“No no,” Benedict said, “You are drunk in public—”

“I’m not drunk.”

“Yes you are. I’ve seen you lose control twice in these last two days, you were nearly begging her to listen to you even after Elias attacked you and I’ve never seen you beg anyone before let alone a lady—”

“What’s the purpose of this summary, exactly?”

“The purpose is that you hear this out loud because it sounds almost like…” Benedict hummed. “What does it sound like, Simon?”

“The consequences of him talking big and tempting fate.”

“No, the other thing.”

“Oh it sounds like love,” Simon pointed out. “You’re in love.”

“Isn’t it time you two went back inside?”

“Isn’t it time you actually were honest with yourself?” Simon asked and Anthony let the ash from the cigarette fall to the ground, keeping his eyes on it in complete silence.

Simon cleared his throat. “Anthony...”

“I was right.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I was right,” Anthony said, his voice barely sounding like it belonged to him. “I was right to stay away from this, before everything. I haven’t been myself since she walked into my life.”

“It’s love.”

“It’s torture, Simon.” Anthony muttered. “That’s what it is. It’s torture.”

Benedict stole a look at him. “How did you mess up this bad, exactly?”

Anthony shook his head. “Allard was there.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“He was in the Avon Box. Elias said it would be family only, a way to announce the engagement before it hit the papers tomorrow.”

Simon blinked a couple of times. “So?”

“He was in the box on a night that was supposed to be family only and if he was there, I thought it meant… that it meant she accepted his courtship, and when Benedict and Eloise showed up and Benedict you were telling her how Allard implied he would propose—”

“Did I say anything that implied she would say yes?” Benedict cut him off. “He was just talking nonsense, she didn’t even hear it and what? You decided to take it as your sign to go after your mistress?”

“She’s not my mistress.”

“Former mistress, as if it makes any difference.”

Anthony exhaled the smoke before stubbing the cigarette and standing up, “I must go to the Avon House—”

“Oh no, you’re not doing that tonight Romeo,” Simon pushed him back to the bench and Benedict nodded fervently.

“I don’t want to become the Viscount or the head of the family, so stay where you are and sober up.”

Anthony ran a hand over his face. “I need to go, I need to explain myself—”

“Anthony, give her some solitude,” Simon said. “You owe her and Elias that. Everyone who’s involved in this needs some peace of mind tonight, we will come up with something tomorrow.”

Anthony pressed his lips together, then shook his head again.

“No amount of solitude will grant me her forgiveness,” he managed to say, “Tonight, or tomorrow, or ever.”

                                                       *

The rest of the night was a blur. Anthony was barely aware of anything, it was as if his body moved and his mouth talked without him paying any attention to it. His mother had questions, he could see that, but as soon as they reached home he shut himself in his study, desperate to be alone.

It proved to be the wrong choice, but he wasn’t sure if there was any right choice after tonight. The sight of her crying by the Avon box shot through his mind, making him close his bloodshot eyes, digging the heels of his palms into them before he reached for the glass of bourbon, then downed it in one go to fill another one.

Even that didn’t help.

He was so lost in his thoughts that it was only when the butler announced Elias’s arrival he was pulled out of the haze he was in, his head shooting up. He jumped on his feet when the door of the study opened and Elias stepped in.

It was almost ironic, how opposite they were for siblings. Both their anger was visible, but in completely different ways, Elias would always go cold and distant whereas she—

Spitfire, that one.

Anthony tried to focus through the haze of pain at his chest and took a deep breath. “Is she alright?”

“Are you trying to get punched again?” Elias asked back and walked to the cabinet to fill himself a glass of drink just like he had multiple times when he was there but—

It was different this time, even an outsider could see that.

“My betrothed convinced me that challenging you to a duel would get in the way of my wedding,” he said after a beat, then sat down. “Therefore, you and I will just talk. No promises on punching though, that’s still on the table.”

Anthony shrugged his shoulders, unable to humor him.

“Had it coming the first time anyway.”

Elias raised his brows and swirled the drink in his glass, watching ice pieces hit each other.

“So,” he said. “How long?”

“Elias—”

“How long has this been going on?” Elias cut him off and Anthony licked his lips.

“Just over a month,” he murmured. “Since the dinner party here.”

Elias’s grip tightened around the glass and he clicked his tongue.

“You’ve been pursuing my sister for over a month behind my back,” he repeated. “Alright.”

A painful smile pulled at Anthony’s lips. “I didn’t plan this.”

“No?”

“Do you think I’m unaware of the fact that I don’t deserve her?”

Elias scoffed and gritted his teeth. “I’m going to need you to think really hard before you answer the next question,” he said. “Did anything happen?”

Anthony’s brows pulled into a frown. “Are you seriously asking—”

“Yes I’m seriously asking that.”

Anthony shook his head. “There has been… unchaperoned moments but what you’re insinuating didn’t happen. I would never dishonor her, you know that.”

“I don’t know shit, as tonight proved,” Elias pointed out. “God, I really want to punch you again.”

“Go ahead,” Anthony scoffed. “If it’s going to make you feel better. In all honesty, I think it’d make me feel better.”

“Great reason not to do it then,” Elias said. “And tonight?”

“I ruined everything.”

“Oh I know that, I’m just asking what exactly happened.”

“We…we had an argument yesterday, she walked away very angry, she said she never wanted to see me again” Anthony muttered. “I didn’t get to talk to her today and then I saw Pierre in the Avon box, and you said it yourself, it was supposed to be family only, and apparently he was talking of marriage, Benedict and Eloise were talking about it and I… assumed she accepted his courtship officially and that it was a way to announce it alongside you, and I made the worst decision possible.”

Elias frowned. “What?” he asked. “Another argument?”

“She saw me with Siena.”

Elias stared at him, his mouth slightly agape and a humorless laugh escaped from his lips. “Jesus Christ.”

“I let jealousy lead my actions, I thought—I don’t know, the thought of her marrying anyone else was so unbearable that I looked for solace in…” A bitter taste appeared in his throat. “It’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation.”

“Mm hm, a terrible one at that. You went to your mistress because you were jealous.”

“I ended everything with Siena two months ago,” he said. “It didn’t feel right. Even when I was with her, I couldn’t think of anything but—”

“I’m going to stop you right there before my sister’s name leaves your mouth.” Elias snapped and Anthony downed his drink, then filled it again.

“It’s the truth.”

Elias pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head.

“I told you not to do this,” he said. “I told you not to drag her into these goddamn games of yours, way before she got here.”

Anthony’s jaw clenched. “I don’t know why everyone thinks the same but it’s not a game for me.”

“Oh spare me—”

The words left his lips way too easily, almost as if he couldn’t contain them any longer, as if they had been waiting for the momentary weakness to slip away.

“Eli, I love her.”

That seemed to make Elias stop mid-rant and he gawked at him as Anthony swallowed thickly.

“I tried not to,” he rasped out. “I tried everything, I swear to you. I’ve done nothing but try to stop this since…since I realized it but nothing seems to work, not when it comes to her. I love her.”

Elias let out a breath in disbelief before tilting his glass in his direction.

“Fuck your love, Anthony.”

Anthony took a deep breath. “I understand that you’re—”

“No no, it’s obvious that you don’t understand anything so let me enlighten you. Do you know what’s happening right now?” Elias’s tone was laced with fury. “Back at my house? My little sister is sobbing in her bed, saying she wants to go home because she’s too heartbroken to stay here.”

Elias should’ve just punched him.

It would’ve been way less painful.

A fire spread through his throat but he kept quiet, looking down at the glass.

“That’s your love?” Elias asked him. “Because I’m in love with Cecily and the thought of going to another woman would never cross my mind, no matter how jealous I was. You’ve spent so long running away from love that you forgot what it was, because this? This is not love.”

Anthony tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “I need to see her.”

“Right, that’s not happening.”

“You can’t stop me, I’m going to talk to her—”

“Over my dead body. Or yours.”

“I don’t care how many times you punch me, I’m going to fix this,” he insisted and Elias let out a humorless chuckle.

“Oh you’re going to fix this?” he repeated. “That girl worships love above anything else, you let her believe she had it before pulling the rug out from under her, and you think you can fix this?”

Anthony ran his fingers through his hair, heaving a shaky sigh.

“You’ve never been naïve in matters of heart,” Elias pointed out. “Don’t start now.”

A silence fell upon the room and Anthony rubbed at his forehead as if it could help with the blinding headache.

“You know…” Elias trailed off after a couple of seconds. “She took after my mother. Father says so. Not just looks, but her personality as well.”

Anthony pulled his brows together, barely aware that he was twisting the ring around his finger the way she always would when she was with him.

“My mother never forgave my father,” Elias said. “Ever. Forgiving betrayal of her trust is not in her blood, and I’m telling you this so that you can actually understand. There’s no fixing this. She will not forgive you, and you need to acknowledge this and move on—”

“I can’t,” Anthony cut him off and shook his head, then shot him a painful smile. “There’s no moving on, Eli. It’s either her or no one for me.”

A dark chuckle vibrated in Elias’s chest as he downed his drink, then stood up.

“You will have to enjoy your life in solitude then,” he said and walked to the door, then turned around.

“By the way, right before I came here she asked me if heartbreak could kill someone because apparently it feels like she is dying. That’s the price she pays for your love.” He eyed him up and down. “I hope you sleep well tonight.”

With that, he walked out of the study slammed the door behind him, leaving Anthony completely frozen.

[stae-yong]

list of all my fave nct fics/scenarios

hello! so recently i enjoy reading on tumblr than on aff since there isn’t much nct fanfics on there. i made this list as a recommendation and so that i could remember and keep track of all the fics i read so i could re-read them in the future. most of the fics i read are reader x member (romance) and are either oneshots or completed series, though some fics are unfinished. 

my main biases in nct include jaehyun, taeyong, and mark. i apologize if that is all this list contains of since i don’t really read much of the other members. but anyways, give these fics a read!! update: PART 2 IS UP!!! CLICK HERE

legend: ✿ - fluff || † - angst || ✓ completed || ☼ fave || ✦ contain smut or mature content

ps: some of the fics i read are marked as angst, but have a happy ending!!

JAEHYUN

“If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with.” best friend!au by jungstruly ✿✓

tree house by heartkyu ✿✓

make out with me by loviejaehyun ✿✓

friday boy by heartachetosing ✦✿✓

and in the end by bba-sae ✦✓☼☼☼☼☼

[00:11] on your birthday by nctzensshi ✿✓

created by the stars by onlyinmywildestfantasies  ✦✿✓

gold leaf by stormae ✿✓☼☼☼☼

valentine’s couple by prettywordsyouleft ✿✓☼

broken machines by icedcappujaeno ✿✓

nurse!jaehyun by jungstruly ✿✓

you may regret this by lovingyong  †✿✓✦☼

don’t look back by lovingyong (sequel to you may regret this) †✿✦☼

love, eternal by jungcity †✿✓✦☼☼☼☼☼

bane of the devil by jungcity †✿✦☼☼☼

where the heaven are we? by fullsuh †✦✓☼☼

barista!jaehyun by ppangjae (this has 3 parts!! i linked the third so you could click on the first two when you’re redirected) ✿✓☼

strawberries by just-come-baek ✿✓☼

mafia!jaehyun by alientaeyong ✿✓✦

glasses by multikpopwriter ✿✓

coming home by scarletwinterxx ✿✓

let me know by ppangjae ✿†✓☼

bad boy & bad boy sequel by jae-canikeepyou ✿✦✓

14 roses by jae-canikeepyou ✿✓

marked by jae-canikeepyou ✿†✓

never not by dearncityy ✿†✓

ethereal by celestialmark ✿†✓☼☼☼☼☼ (if this is not a masterpiece then idk what is)

hiding in a tree by hyuckles-chuckles ✿✓

june 24 by ppangjae ✿✓

blue lace by moondustis  ✿✦✓

new things: simple  by moondustis ✿✦✓

pretty eyes, prettier smile by gentledreaming ✿✦✓

perhaps, love by ncthothours ✿

poppy seeds by hyuckios ✿✓☼

of all the colors by loveau ✿✓

love maze by dimplyjae ✿☼

balance of us by solecize  ✿✓ (socialmedia au!)

good thing by chaezy ✿✓

our playlist by rendezvousrenjun ✿†✓

n side by moondustis ✿✦✓

when icarus falls by baobaojng ✿†✓☼☼☼☼☼

push and pull by baobaojng ✿†✓

idol!jaehyun by mono127 **this is not a fic but its cute 

take you home by timetoresurface ✿✓

star crossed by nakajeno ✿✓☼ (socialmedia au!)

get to you by suhdone ✿✓ (socialmedia au!)

spending the night by i-am-regular-scenarios ✿✦✓

valentines day by greennct ✿✓☼

boy things by dimplyjae (this has 2 parts) ✿✦✓☼☼☼☼☼

“Fuck it, a new year is about to start, and I can’t go another year hiding this from you - I love you.” bestfriend!au by ncttoast (you should check her masterlist for more scenarios) ✿✓ 

beautiful stranger by strangely-amusing ✿✓☼☼☼☼☼

je te laisserai des mots by jungcity †✓☼

executive order by ofwolvesandbutterflies ✿✦✓☼☼ (has 4 parts but i linked you to the first)

lowkey by vibranthuesofkpop (has 3 parts but i linked you to the first. part 3 is here)

marry me by jaehyun-eclipsed ✿✓☼

all in by ofwolvesandbutterflies ✦✓

bestfriend!jaehyun by ofdreamsnwishes ✿✓

blooming by hyucks-archive ✿✓

secrets of the hill by baobaojng ✿†☼

goodluck by jaehyun avenue ✦✓

be mine by cozyjae ✿✓

of sunrise and roses by fullsunalicia ✿✓☼☼☼☼☼

infront of you by sluttyten ✿✦✓

memoirs of broken people by bba-sae ✿†☼

domaine de la romanée by heartau ✿✦†✓☼

paradiso by caiuscassiuss ✿✦†✓☼

unfortunate events by turtletaemin ✿✦✓☼

the louvre by moondustis ✿✦†✓

ordinary people by ppangjae ✿†✓

14 ways to know your in love by maknaesdancersrappers ✿✓☼

love you goodbye by serendipityseulgi ✿✦†✓

please, please, please by dreaminghaos ✿✦†✓

summer haze by dreaminghaos ✿✦†✓

first date by tuanstrash ✿✓

punch drunk by stormae ✿✓

odd hour by jae-canikeepyou ✿✓

valentine boy by starlightkun ✿✓

hallway to heaven by sopewriters ✿✓

serendipity by kuroaka ✿✓

moonlight child by valentinesicheng ✿✓

valentine boy by whereisten ✦✓☼☼☼

luxury by nctstudio ✿✓

lowkey by vibranthuesofkpop (has 3 parts and contain smut in the third part) ✿✓☼☼☼

TAEYONG

hanakotoba by lovingyong ✿✓☼☼☼

saudade by jungcity †✦✓

absolutely by sweaterpawstaeyong †✿✓☼

flowers in your hair by 127vevo ✿✓

feel special | heartstrings by tomoonine ✿✓

fool by yongtxt ✿✦✓☼

dancing in the kitchen by yunoij ✿✓

ataraxia by min-youngis ✿✓

chemistry by cocobeannct ✿✓

a cut above the rest by greennct ✿✓

may i? by ofwolvesandbutterflies ✿✓

psycho by junguws †✦✓

seat stealer by taeyohonic ✿✓

best mistake by taevcngs ✿✓

syndicate of fallen angels by stormae †✿✓☼

long flight by lavenderxuxi ✿✓

promise by sweaterpawstaeyong ✿✓☼

guardian angels by fullsunalicia ✿✓☼☼☼☼☼

standstill by stormae ✿✓☼

frostbite by strangely-amusing ✿✓

MARK

don’t need a lucky charm by markszone ✿✓

slip-ups by yoondoze ✿✓

best night of our lives by defkooka ✿✓☼

first date by mnhynq ✿✓

blackmail by kpop-stole-my-sanity ✿✓

college boyfriend! by kirei-markeu ✿✓

little surfer girl by jaeminlore ✿✓

seasons by jaeminlore ✿†✓

disconnected by gohyuck ✿✓

solitude by celestialmark ✿✓ (link is to preview, but you could find the next chapters there as well)

a poem titled you  by celestialmark ✿✓

sunflower by celestialmark ✿✓

the world is ending and i’m with you by jaeminlore ✦✓