#i compile my old sketches into dumps now. i will likely not share them . hOWEVER

[silvesi]

leave him aloNEGH HE JUST wanted a DRINK

I like to think if dralsin and Feds are ever chilling and he makes the mistake of leaning over him for anything Feds just ((ACTIVATES))

[youllneverknowmysecretidentity]

There’s a god in the mountains

I used to look at the world as something that revolves around me, people walked around me and disappeared from the worlds equation when I put them out of view, I forgot that 7 billion hearts are out there thinking the same as me. However, we are so small and insignificant. The woods hold ancient stories, sounds, and reasoning. I always loved the idea of woods but was never a keen outdoorsman. I stayed in my room pretending I was meant to be something bigger. The day I entered the woods was the day I realized I was minuscule and powerless. The day was hot, muggy, and sunny. Foliage was active and colored. I remember being lost from exposed nerves and emotions, I must have been like a signal beacon to every supernatural power in the region. I hated the radio, playing the same noise with no experimentation or variety, just the same sex drugs and heartbreak message over again. I felt sick as it reminded me of utter loneliness and how lost I was in mother nature’s cavernous being. I remember the feeling of reality being altered as I opened the car door and stared into the trail head. The woods itself seemed to expand when I tried to look further down the trail, ignoring the feeling I packed up and walked. No matter how relaxing the forest may seem to be or how ‘helpful’ it would be for me to get some fresh air as my mother and father put it. I couldn’t seem to make my mind silent, too many memories of my past Friday played in my head on what seemed to be the highest volume setting. Visions of my friends seemingly becoming more and more concerned, visions of a past lover and toxic words spewed to the masses, the feeling of utter loss. I was now alone, before, I was happy with my friends and family and then a past soul decided his own little world was more important and cost me a few friends and a few nights I could have been sleeping. The past week has been compiled of me barely talking at my practices and throwing myself into work. I honestly could not remember the last time I ate a proper meal or even bothered to function on anything other than caffeine and the occasional bummed smoke off of one of the few friends I had left. I still remember the concern laced on Lauren’s and Grady’s face as I shakily inhaled from the cigarette. Before I knew it, I was crying in the middle of the damn woods. I didn’t realize my wailing could be heard a mile away. This is where the world truly became bigger. First it was the noise, it usually is loud and constant in the forest but the forest silenced and became dead; strangely enough the silence was calming and shut down my mind for a beat. As I walked deeper i noticed the second sign, the air had a mix of metallic and floral smell, as if someone put honey suckle and jasmine on a pile of pennies. The third and final sign was the breathing, it sounded like a powerful gust of wind, but as it continued in beats and was felt on my back, I knew it was breath from a powerful set of lungs. I stopped mid walk, too paralyzed to turn around. Growing up I believed in ghosts, monsters, and anything that could be terrifying. I never thought I would ever encounter one however. The breathing soon became quieter and less heavy but still ever present and hot on my neck. At the moment I did not realize tears were still falling down my face and dripping on the ground. The breathing figure seemed to notice as I felt the breath fan down as if the head had turned to watch the ground. This movement gave me the courage to do a 180 and see my worst fear. What I saw changed my life forever. Behind me was a mixture of creatures, as tall as a grizzly bear but with the head of a lion, wings on an eagle, and black fur adorning its powerfully built body. I was shocked but the size and energy it gave off. It noticed me turn around and looked into my eyes, my soul changed in its holder, blue eyes with hints of forest green that held eternity behind them. My soul felt lifted with this creature, like we had both floated in an endless timeless eternity, but not lost; instead held and whole like I had found a missing piece in my puzzle. It tilted its head and watched me with almost innocent curiosity. The power it exuded was like none other, that moment I knew I was only a small variable in a big universe. I felt worthless compared to this creature. So I did what any sensible human does when threatened with harsh truth, I ran. I felt the earth tremble and heard a deafening roar, running was my only purpose as I outran probably every Olympic record in existence just to get to my car and home. Seeing the trailhead made me release a whimper of excitement. Unlocking my car and hopping in I sped down the old road to home before even checking for oncoming traffic. The drive home consisted of my wiping my never ending tears and nearly puking three times. But, the farther I got away from the creature, the more detached I felt from myself, as if I lost part of me. I blame the fear and adrenaline but boy was I in for a surprise later on. That night I was plagued with dreams of a dark and deep voice saying my name, a strong hand reaching and a flash of eagle feathers on a necklace. When I woke, I had felt more refreshed than having slept for 100 nights. The drive to school was filled with unclean paranoia and everytime I passed even the smallest patch of wood, I felt as if I was watched. Finally parking and getting out of my car, I was calmly slapped by reality. “Hannah!” I turned to see my beautiful friend Lauren and her boyfriend Grady walking along side the girl. I smiled my best smile and greeted her. “How was your weekend? Grady told me you went on a hike to clear your head, I hope you feel better last week was shit.” “I guess, the walk was okay I guess, I stopped having issues sleeping so maybe that’s a plus” Grady smiled and quipped back, “good cause you owe me a fuck ton of cigarettes.” Our group laughed and it was almost enough to drown the sound of tires squealing into the parking lot of a not so friendly car, Lauren looked back and scoffed “god I hope he never drove like that with you in the car” I shrugged and looked at the car, “we should get inside.” She nodded and we began our trek to class. I was lucky to have shared several periods with Grady that day and a lunch period with the both of them as well. During my TA I caught myself doodling the creature, too much emphasis on the eyes, too much power in those paws. I felt a dirty presence behind me and breath on my shoulder. “So, you done being a bitch about what I said?” I turned around to see C. C was an ex lover, my first true boyfriend, my first sexual encounter, and the reason I vowed to never wear rose colored glasses again. “I’m not being a bitch C, I’m just simply being human. You should try it sometime.” He scoffed and sat beside me, “look Hannah, I was simply giving you advice, you need it, look at you. Also, eventually you’re going to have to stop being so rude and actually act like we’re friends instead of bossing me around and giving me a cold shoulder.” I laughed a poisonous laugh and turned to him. “Funny, last time I checked, we’re not friends, you’re not my captain, and you act like a half wit child so I have every right to be the way I am!” I turned and packed my belongings quickly but before I could make it past the table he grabbed my arm and I looked down to him. Most people would describe him as a typical athletic teen boy, tall, scrawny, blond hair, blue eyes, and a fake arrogance clouding his teenage lust and insecurities. To make things worse he was ridiculously academically smart, which got to his head enormously. “Hannah, remember that night we broke up? I told you I still cared for you and valued your friendship, please don’t act like this. It’s making me look bad.” All the rage of the heavens filled me, I ripped my arm from his grip and got uncomfortably close, “good, it’s about damn time the world knew what a fuckin jack ass you are.” Speed walking out I managed to bump into Ava on the way through, unfortunately causing some things to spill from my bag including the sketches of the creature. She quickly picked up my things muttering quick apologies and looked at my drawings. “WOAH dude! These are so cool! That looks like that one creature I saw in a book!” I looked at her and opened my eyes wide,” from where?” “A book on like mystical beings and stuff, it’s pretty cool, I got it at home. That monster was honestly the coolest one.” “What kind of monster is it??” She thought for a minute and ran a hand through her bright pink hair, “it’s a he, and I think he was like a protector of something.” She offered me a smile and handed me my book, “well I was just curious, I saw him online and thought he was pretty so I sketched him.” “Oh cool dude, also are you okay you seem kinda frazzled, is it C again?” “I guess, I stood up to him which felt good, I’m trying to not let him own me” “good, you’re better than him anyway.” I smiled a forced smile thinking of yesterday and how small I felt to the creature and his presence. I nodded and said a quick goodbye before rushing to my fourth hoping for my day to end fast. The drive home was filled with silence as I watched the road in front of me, protecter of what? Was Ava saying that THAT creature was supposed to be a protection god, I remember reading an article about protection gods. According to mythology they were supposed to be specific to certain types of things but often would have cases of them getting attached to certain objects or groups that had celestial value or power. If the legends are true, why would he be here? Arriving to my room I dumped my bag out and found my sketch, I eyed it before grabbing my phone and calling Ava. “Hey dude what’s up?” “Where was that creature we were talking about from?” “Oh that guy lemme check, it says it’s from Europe it’s a English god to be exact, which is weird because England was a Christian area but whatever. Why?” “Oh just curious, I kinda wanted to do more drawings and research it more” “oh cool! It’s name is chosantóiran I think it means protector, it’s Irish descent but the legend was strongest in England.” “Huh, thank you so much Ava.” “No problem dude, let me know if I can help with anything else” I said a goodbye and hung up, I stared at my wall “chosantóiran.” I now have my name, now to find the beast. A WEEK LATER The school week had passed and fall break was among the masses, horns honked, kids cheered, and my classmates discussed the final plans to their senior trips. I looked down at my shoes and thought, about my senior trip plans. Hunting a legend, he was out there and I didn’t care if I was going alone. I knew I was gonna find something. Behind me Lauren talked and Grady replied, “Hannah, earth to Hannah.” I snapped out of my daze and looked back smiling apologetically. She smiled and patted my shoulder,” get some beauty rest and relaxation for the break, and call us to hang out, you need to heal.” She patted my shoulder again and walked off waving. I looked back at the ground and gasped, sat in a puddle of crystal clear rain water was a singular golden eagle feather. Picking it up I examined it, it was way too big to be a normal eagle feather. My target was watching me. The following days consisted of endless computer research and writing, but, just enough downstairs time to not make my parents suspicious. “You know Hannah, I think you’re doing quite well considering what’s been going on.” My dad said over Monday breakfast, I habitually got up early to prepare for a day of studies but was met with my father putting food in my face and giving me a hefty amount of black coffee. The gesture was kind, so I took it. “Yeah I guess, just keeping occupied with much better things.” I replied before taking a bite of egg smothered toast. “Work is always good.” He then stood up and placed his plate in the sink before patting my shoulder and leaving for work. I stared at the door before I ate the rest of my food and moved to my room. My desk was covered in papers and sticky notes, I looked at them closely. I can’t truly find answers until I go to the beast itself. Piling my papers together and putting them in a neat pile I got out some gear before hopping in the shower and washing up. Hopping out and changing I heard my mom walk up the short staircase to my room “whatcha doing?” I turned to her and smiled, “I’m thinking of going on another hike today at round lunchtime, is that okay with you?” She nodded and then crossed into the laundry room to fluff the latest load. I sat back at my desk and wrote plans and side plans. The clock beeped and it was time. I packed a small bag and bid my mom goodbye and promised to be careful. I smiled while getting in my car, strict parents never failed in their habits. Driving to the spot was easy enough, finding the creature would be the hard part. I must have walked the woods for three miles never once feeling or hearing a sign. Then an idea bloomed. “chosantóiran” I chanted. The air changed, I chanted two more times and then another for good measure. Still no more signs but at least the air seemed different. I walked further and then I heard it a crunch. It sounded far but then another followed just behind me. I turned and saw nothing, turning back I was met with eyes. The green blue eyes of him. I felt my soul lift again but before I could run or be caught in a dangerous trance I shook my head and stared back attempting to give off the power he had. He tilted his head curiously and almost playfully. I felt humiliated, before I could give into instinct and run, he shifted. He stepped closer to me, he snuffed and then put his powerful nose into my air and sniffed. Leaning back the creature sneezed and blinked. “Glad I smell like shit.” He blinked again before I saw his skin shift again, I gasped. The skin then stared to shift and shrink. The creatures body balled up and changed. Wings disappeared and paws turned into hands. Slowly standing up, I saw my death. His eyes were the same, but his body was not, he was averagely tall, not too tall but taller than me, he was muscularly built, he had a strong thick beard that seemed well trimmed, his hair was brown and shaggy yet slicked back, his lips were plush and pink like the visual representation of temptation, he stood with an air that said sureness but still was gentle and non intrusive, finally his smell was the same as before but stronger and with a hint of musk. He was a masterpiece, I felt weak in my knees, then he spoke. “Why are you coming back to me?” A deep British accent that seemed aged like whiskey in an oak barrel. I felt my throat close but my mouth water. He raised his eyebrows, “oh, sorry, I just..... was i don’t know.” He tilted his head, his eyes held understanding yet patience and warmth. My knees got weaker. “You’re an interesting human, your soul is so powerful.” I nodded “sure, coming from a literal god” he chuckled and looked at his feet, “to humans im a god, to the other gods im simply a beast. My name is actually Mullen. The other name was just part of the tale.” I nodded and smiled, “my name is Hannah, my name is just, my name.” He chuckled, “ that’s what I like about humans, they get to start without a story.” I nodded and sat on a log. Minutes of talking turned into hours and eventually I had to go home, his eyes held sadness but understanding. I was sad to leave him but I didn’t want to face the wrath of missing dinner so I headed home. My evening later was filled with random moments of smiling and thinking back to the conversations we held so strongly. The vivid memory of us climbing and tree together and his body being close to mine for only a few seconds. I’m in trouble now.