#i cant write for shit these days so this means a lot š„¹ THANK U ššš
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I was going to say "no no, there's no need to lock you up" but ykw?
You're under arrest for writing so well, making me a sae simp, and sometimes being the reason I'm smiling down at my phone in public š«
šš»šš»šš» uh oh here come the popo š®āāļø ššØ
#UR TOO KIND ANON#you have (1) new message!#from: unknown sender#i cant write for shit these days so this means a lot š„¹ THANK U ššš
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HI !!! i just wanted to tell you that your new ghost fic is SO INSANELY GOOD. like. wow. the amount of dedication and effort you put into the fic clearly shows through how beautifully constructed it is. it was such an emotional ride and i cried SO HARD when simon was being mean to reader like YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT ! but im happy simon apologises especially considering how hard it is to show vulnerability. reader was written in such a relatable manner i could literally see myself in the fic as i read through it YOU DID AMAZING. AND THE SMUT!! SCREAMS ITS SO GOOD i was giggling and kicking my feet AAND WHEN SIMON GOT MEAN!! the way he was snarling LIKE PHEW! sorry i was just so excited for the fic AND THE END RESULT JUST EXCEEDED EVERYONE'S EXPECTATIONS FOR SURE. i am gonna be thinking about it the whole day :( will probably reread too because its like 1 am here BUT ANYWAYS . you did absolutely amazing and i hope you are proud of yourself !! give yourself a treat you deserve it >:3
AHHH THANK U SO MUCH FOR SUCH KIND WORDS IT RLLY MEANS A LOT !!!!
i'm glad that i was able to make the readers cry bc i did cry myself while writing it š„¹ simon was so mean that i thot ppl were gonna be like HES IRREDEEMABLE but it seems a lot of ppl were mad at both him AND reader LMAO š i'm glad ppl found the reader relatable regardless of how....messy they were in the head for a good while.
i was havin to do LAPS while writing the smut bro š when he started bein all commanding and shit i was like DAMN he's so dreamy i was truly in love with PLM!simon for the whole fic what a man!!!!!!
BUT THANK U FOR READING IT AND TSKING THE TIME TO SEND ME AN ASK ABT IT HEHE <33333
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Hahahaā¦ heyyyā¦
Long time no talk maiverie šā¼ļø I totally like didnāt disappear off of the Earth of Tumblrā¦ or did I.?? š³š³ I REALLY REALLY MOST DESPERATELY hope that youāre doing well bffl!! I WILL ALWAYS RESPOND TO YOU FROM NOW ON UNTIL I FEEL LIKE ITS TIME FOR ME TO JUMP INTO MY DARK HABIT OF GHOSTING TUMBLR šš«¶ BIG NEWS. Iām nglā¦ but Iām kind of leaning towards Heeseung bias.. BUT. Jake will always be ma numba 1 hyperpuppy boy āļøI KNOW.. WHO THE HELL AM I?1!?1 I DONT EVEN KNOW ME ANYMORE T-T ! MY WHOLE BLOG IS DEDICATED TO THAT MANSā¼ļø
ANYWAYS DID YOU HEAR BOUT THAT P1HARMONY CONCERT?1!1? AND REX ORANGE COUNTY AND LAUV TOO?1!1? THERE ARE SO FUCKING MANYPEOPLE TOURING AUSTRALIA ITS SOOOOOO UNBELIEVABLE !!! I LITERALLY BARELY LISTEN TO THEM BUT I WANNA GO SOOOOO BAD š«š« but like what the hell I dont get paid enough to even afford those tickets š
I have no excuse to run away from you anymore. I hope you didnāt feel lonely :( ENOUGH OF DAT GLOOMY SHIT!! IM SO GLAD YOU HAVE SO MANY MOOTS NOW!! YOUVE GROWN SO MUCH ON THIS PLATFORM AND IM GENUINELY SO PROUD OF YOU T-T I will now be off to go read your works until like 3am and shed tears (+repost, like, let the whole world know and shed some more tears) I LOVE YOU LOADS MAIVERIE!! š¤ ALSOOO HAPPY LATE VALENTINES DAY??? IK IM LIKE 5 MONTHS LATE BUT ITS WHATEVERā¦ MUCH LOVE š„°
- from dat bitch that always dips
SHUT THE FUCK UP SELENA YOURE HEEEREEEE???? šššššš im actually gna kms i missed u a lil too much iām gna cry šššššš
KSJEKSJWLWIJDAKADKA i didnāt actually expect a reply CMONNNN itās been months ā¹ļøš (i ghosted tumblr too for a few months but itās okay we both have our faults and weāre still perfect amazing sexy ppl š«) ALSO SHUT UPPPP THAT IS THE BIGGEST NEWS EVER IAKEKWLFJLSS IM CRYYINGGGF idk if u rmb but i used to be jay biased š you š¤ me š¤ succumbing to heeseung BUT PSLSSS HELPP IM SO EXCITED FOR U (i can finally call u my fave heetual š½) SO WHAT CHANGED UR MIND ?? WAS BITE ME THE FINAL STRAW ?? š¤
OH MY GOD I DIDDD šššš iām literally confused bc at first it was that NOBODY was coming to aus and suddenly everybody and their dog wants to come š also niki is coming?? taylor swift?? CHARLIE PUTH??? like hold upppp šš
š„¹š„¹ NO BC SHUT UP WHY DID UR LASK GEN MAKE ME WANNA KMS IN A HAPPY SAD WAY IM ššš NOOOOO BC U ARE MY DAY 1 ššš«µ I LOVE U SM WTH this acc has definitely grown a lot since the beginning but it makes me so proud and happy that you were a part of that š nothing makes me happier than interacting w u so tysm for popping in ā¹ļøš also it literally is so late GO TO SLEEP youāre like an hr ahead of me which means itās 3:30???!!!!!$&ā&:&;ā btw as i was typing this i saw ur rb on bite by bite STOPP WHY ARE U READING IT GO AWAY šš naur cos itās so different from my usual writing style BUT PLS IM GLAD IT WAS OKAY ššššš
anyway i miss u i love u HAPPY BELATED VALENTINEāS DAY thank you for stopping by MWAH MWAH MWAH appreciate u loads š½š½ hope u are keeping warm for winter && work + uni are going well šµāš« vvvv exciting news that u r now heeseung biased I CANT BE MORE PROUD š¤š love u long long long time my fave KEEP SAFE PLEASE EAT WELL STAY HEALTHY BE HAPPY && AND I WILL BE HAPPY ššššššš
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niku am crYEN RN READING UR RevIEW plSLSJSKZNAA ššš
u calling my writing beautiful š„¹š„¹š„¹ have u seen urs!!! š« captivating pFT idk what to do w myself niku !!!! iām blushin !!! š„¹
the beach scene was such a joy for me to write too!! i was smiling the entire time!! i rlly wanted to capture gojo feeling the force of everything for the first time!! (or at least realizing it!! like āwhy am i noticing it now?ā āwas that always there before?ā) and normally i think these things come out much earlier on in relationships (like the crush stage or smth!) but bc theyāve known eachother for so long, their timelineās all wonky and it hits him full force !!!
and the photo!!! dw ššš i was cryin too ššš after writing it i had to hug myself šš i think more than the relationship between reader n gojo i tried to inject a lot of portions pertaining to that too!! the nostalgia and the history of everyone š¤§ bc i think, u know. even if itās done and theyāre moving on, i donāt think itāll ever be forgotten ? or likeāit isnāt that easy to separate themselves from it. u put it perfectly!! the memories of them remain ā¹ļø
and that line omgāthere is only inevitability š thatās so them niku!!!!
tbh if the col universe expands more i actually see yuuji n reader having a rlly nice relationship š„ŗ kind of like another megumi except yuuji is yuuji so heās more reciprocating š„ŗ and overall lively š„ŗ and more of a threat to ur time w gojo bc heāll always be wanting to hang out! or smth! and OFC gojo gets jealous š
yesā¦ consummate,,, gojo is annoyingā¦ like thatā¦
and yes the fight niku omg š the whole extended cut is rlly more a gift to u than anything!! the whole tone of it wouldnāt have worked with āso this is what it meansā¦ā (which is why i only included a portion of it) but then i thought: niku would wonder abt what was rlly said tho!!! so i just decided to complete the whole thing and release it as smth separate!!! š¤§š«£š„¹ but iām so glad that u still enjoy his characterisation to this day!!! i was so worried that i removed the very thing that made col gojo, col gojo bc i developed his character a lot from the previous installments to this one now (and i was scared itād be a big jump š) but for u to say that it still feels natural, having peeled his layers bit by bit like this iām š„¹š„¹
omg the fact that youāve thought abt col more than once w that song šš thatās going to the col playlist for sure!! iām listening to it rn!!! tears in my eyes!!
AND YES š i rlly wanted gojo to say it completely unplanned n almost like he doesnāt even realize it šš itās a very time-stops moment for him
NIKU U KNOW I CANT WRITE SM*T FOR SHIT ššš i really tried to push it with this ššš this is the best i can do i think . I mentioned it to an anon a while ago but i tried to hint at them having already done it or at least gotten very intimate alr before!! so it def isnāt the first time in this fic ! i think maybe i hinted it too lightly so it wasnāt rlly noticeable š„¹š«£
thank u so much for taking the time to read and review niku baby š„¹š i rlly appreciate it aindks the fic is so long ,,,
i realized during outlining this that col reader is rlly too good for gojo šš and iāve had such a deep appreciation for her since šš it IS funny but i love it bc i think either works for him ššš he either gets an angel or someone who matches up to him completely!!!! no in between and i love that!!!
to render u speechless is high praise š„¹
And WRITING THAT LINE . I felt it in my BONES. Literally ššš it was so satisfying when i got it down šš i think thatās what i mean when i mean i alluded to gojo rlly wanting reader intimately ,,,, carnally ,,,,, intensely ā¦. šš itās impossible that they didnāt fuck almost immediately after their first kiss šš
i am hugging u!!! holding u!!! forever loving u!!! for being a part of col as much as i am!!! and for literally cheering me on all the time and being d 1 person i can always talk col with š„¹š„¹ thank u for loving them as much as i do niku baby!!!
āĖā¹ćso this is what it means to be in love | gojo satoru
wc: 8.9k summary: gojo finds out what it really means to be in love.Ā contains: f!reader in mind, friends to lovers (prev. slowburn), suggestive scenes, might be mildly explicit? (i only mention ābuttā once thoughā¦), ābeing in loveā as a journey, almost like a falls in love first (you) vs. falls in love harder (gojo), they fight, they swear, character death/s mentioned, shibuya onwards spoilers, lots and lots and lots of love a/n: this is better read after the other parts in the collection but can work as a stand alone too!, thereās a jump between this and tell me about love (show me how) so gojo would have developed a lot in the relationship since then!Ā part iii of conversations on love: i | ii | iii
comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ā”
Gojo catches onto love slowly.
He takes the hand you leave open just for him, and closes the space between your palms, reducing infinity.Ā
Maybe heās felt it all this time without knowing; after all, love looks a lot less profound as friends in your early 20ās.Ā
But being in itābeing in love? Thatās uncharted territory.Ā
Gojoās been to a lot of places, has travelled back and forth from point-to-point endlessly. Heās survived battles, a war, near-death, and cursed spirits reincarnate; even then, heās got eyesātwo bright blue and an extra four hidden, ones that see beyond human comprehension. Unearthing this simple truth shouldnāt shake him, shouldnāt even faze him. If anything, he should have seen it comingā
Except he doesnāt.Ā
It sneaks up on him, bit by bit, until he finds that being in love means getting to experience you all over again, just differently.
.
.
.
It starts with the little things.Ā
Gojo has known you for so long (a decade and a few years more), but has only recently begun to notice everything: how your baby hairs stick out in the humidity of summer, the way you purse your lips in thought before finally deciding on a drink to order. You play with your fingernails subconsciously, out of habit, the soft taps on your nail beds an accompaniment of anxiety-ridden conversations youāve had since you were 23.Ā
He knows you always blink twice before focusing on him, and itās a mystery whether this is a recent development or something heās just never noticed, but if youāre trying to enchant him by the flutter of your eyelashes, he wants to let you know that itās workingāexcept, he knows that you arenāt, because youāre just like that: a daydream without even trying.Ā
These arenāt new things; heās sure heās probably encountered them all before, but lately theyāve evolved into cute things, and thereās no hiding the slight curve of his lips every time he spots them.Ā
.
The sun is beaming brighter this summer, the ocean a faraway blur from the beach towel set-up you made under the shade. Going to the beach is never your go-to when you think of an extremely hot afternoon, but Yuujiās been eyeing a weekend getaway since sorcerer workās lessened significantly.Ā
āItās a good effort,ā Gojo convinces you, āto get everyone together again.ā
And it isāyou see it now: Yuuji and Megumi preparing to fling Yuuta into the water while Nobara and Maki race along the shoreline. Toge stays close to Panda but he watches fondly, eyes crinkling every now and then, happy.Ā
When you blink, the image of them softensāa captured memory in the heat haze.Ā
The only older ones here are you and Gojo; Shokoās always disliked the stickiness of sunblock on her skin, and Ijichiās new position has made him constantly busy. Somewhere in the distance, you can maybe envision Nanami. He wouldnāt come if you or Gojo asked, but if it were Yuujiā
You rub at your eye, resting your chin on your hand as you will your tear ducts to please, donāt cry.Ā
Yuuji's been smiling a lot more lately, an observation you note from the way his ears are perked up every time you look his way. Itāll never be the same as it used to be but itās relieving to know that he can exist living as himself now. Just Yuuji.Ā
You hug your knees tighter to your chest, wrapping your arms around it. Your place under the coconut tree provides ample enough shade but your back still burns from Gojo haphazardly slathering sunscreen on it after hearing an ice cream stand from miles away.Ā
The mind is a weird place to be at times like thisāsplit into bittersweet reminiscing and telling yourself to just take this moment and breathe, to live in it. You think about Megumi, and how you hurt for him, always will, for all that heās lost despite every attempt to avoid it.
You should have been there for Tsumiki, you could have been there for both of them.Ā
Your guilt never leaves you even on days that shine as vividly as this, but perhaps thatās the silver liningāthat theyāre still with you, always. You can carry pieces of them to these places, and scatter them to the wind, to the sand, to the sea, and maybe to the ice cream stand Gojoās waiting in line of, surrounded entirely by kids. They all rise to half his size, but if you squint, you think the bounce in his step makes him blend right in.Ā
A chuckle escapes you.Ā
You could sort through your memories and land on one where he looks just like thisāfreakishly large limbs towering over a tiny, excited Tsumiki. Back then, an ice cream stop after school consisted of your pseudo-family of four, with Megumi on your hand and Tsumiki on his leg, both gripping tightly to combat a chilly 10Ā°C.
Things are different now, evidently. Megumiās outgrown it, and Tsumiki is no longer here. But Gojo has stayed the same, and itās comforting to know that he will continue to be this Satoru, your Satoru, even when some things are gone.Ā
You donāt realize youāre spacing out until he waves the ice cream cone while walking towards you.Ā Ā
Gojo is a sight in trunks the color of his eyes, with seahorses and starfishes in an alternating pattern of peachy-pink against cerulean blue.Ā
You could have sworn you asked for your own cone, but he plops down beside you holding only one. For the both of you. The side-eye you give him is almost criminal, if not deadly, but your lips twitch from the smile youāre hiding (terribly).Ā
He raises an eyebrow and you break character, shaking your head while laughing.Ā
āDid you eat the other one on the way here?ā you tease, craning your neck to lick at the bottom scoop (vanilla-strawberry-vanilla, gojoās signature order).Ā
Your tongue lands dangerously close to his fingers, and he feels it, but his eyes only land on youāyour lips, how they part for your tongue to glide smoothly on hisāboth of yourādessert. You look every bit of an angel in the soft, pale hues of your bikini, but Gojoās thoughts are anything but saintly.Ā
He blushes furiously, the tips of his ears and nose bright red as he turns away from you quickly.Ā
āIām fulfilling your dream of sharing an ice cream cone with me.ā he tilts his chin up, proud, smirking slightly. He jokes about it knowing full well that this is his dream come true, just by the look of you.Ā
You stay quiet, rolling your eyes but never meanly, no. You only ever do it fondlyāhe knows, being on the receiving end of it one too many times.Ā
The beach towel scrunches when you scoot closer, looping your arm around his as you both rest your elbows on your knees. Gojo holds the cone between you two, tipping it towards you when itās your turn to nip and lick.Ā
He shouldnāt stare, shouldnāt hyperfixate, but itās so cute how you get the tiniest bit of ice cream on the tip of your noseāas if it belongs there, soft and sweet just like the rest of you.Ā
You look up to find Gojo gazing at you, eyes glimmering like the reflection of sunlight on the ocean, and a tiny smile that only widens when he realizes youāve caught him red-handed. Your eyes narrow suspiciously, scrunching your nose in an effort to stop yourself from grinning.Ā
When Gojo looks at you this way, as if you are his favorite place rediscovered, your heart thumps furiously against your ribcage.Ā
āWhatā¦ā you drawl, your smile impossible to hide in the lilt of your voice.Ā
Gojo thinks he can count every eyelash, every speck of sand dotting your face, and stil not be bored of you. He canāt stop beaming.Ā
Is this what it means to be in love with you?Ā
āNothing.ā he replies, almost giggling, a little bashful but with every inch of sincerity. You know that smile, the only one that holds every ounce of Satoru. Gojo smiles big and wide to everyone else, but this small one you know, is reserved just for you.Ā
He leans in, lips coming closer to brush against the tip of your nose. Your eyes fall shut, instinctively, and the pink dot is wiped clean, a hint of strawberry dancing on his palette. Heās done this more times than he can count, has already been this near to know that close will never be close enough, but you still jolt a bitāPDA has never been your thing.Ā
When he pulls away, you continue to stare at each other, locked in a gaze until the ice cream begins to drip down his fingers and onto the beach towel. It misses his trunks by a hair and you both laugh at how he belatedly tries to escape it even though itās already there.Ā
Itās indescribable, this moment, seeing you in slow motion, laughing as bright as the sunāthe sweetest sound heās ever heard. It takes every bit of him to look away so he can wipe his hands clean from the dripping dessert.
You hand him a packet of wet wipes and beckon him to sit in front of you after. Squeezed onto the palm of your hand is a copious amount of sunscreen you plan to slather all over him. A touch-up, if you will.Ā
Gojo has sensitive skin, pale as bond paper and burns just as quickly. The high points of his face are already reddening, warm to the touch when you dab at them with sunscreen.Ā
Youāre so near, so close, sitting cross-legged in front of him with your knees touching his. The tip of your tongue sticks out just slightly as you focus on his skin.Ā
Even though he knows, he still wonders what your lips would taste like, SPF chapstick and crumbly bits from the wafer cone. He wonders what your eyelashes would feel like, fluttering over his own.Ā
The light casts a halo around you and he thinks itās fitting for all that you do. You pamper him like this, slather love all over his chest and back, massage it in so it dissolves into himāand he feels it so deep that he tastes it.
How can your love be so sweet? He thinks, sighing as your fingers work sunscreen up his neck from his collarbone. You always apply his skincare upwards, something about keeping his baby face even when heās old.Ā
āYou should join them,ā you mumble, rubbing more product onto the nape of his neck. Youāre leaning over his shoulder, neck brushed against his cheek.Ā
Gojo hums, watching everyone from a distance. Itās been a while since heās had a day like this.Ā
āBut maybe after 30 minutes, so the sunblock doesnāt wash off. Youāre already burning.ā you note, coming back to sit.Ā
Of course, heās already burning. How can he not when the sun is right in front of him?Ā
.
You join everyone for a game of beach volleyball in the sunset of the afternoon. Youāre transported back to high school, the last time you did thisāyou and Satoru against Shoko and Suguru, with Haibara keeping score.Ā
From the way Gojoās eyes are glossed over, you can tell heās thinking about it too, the memory having seared itself into your brains forever, it seems.Ā
Being paired together should feel familiarāthe same, but it doesnātāisnāt, because Gojo canāt concentrate, sneaking glances to notice all the little things about you that he never used to. Your skin shines from the combination of sweat and sunscreen, and when you crash into him itās both sticky and slippery. He should really ask for a time-out before you blind him completely.Ā
You look unfairly good in your bikini, too good he can barely hear you calling for him; between the ocean and his blood rushing, any other sound is drowned out into nothing.Ā
Maki and Yuuji absolutely demolish the both of you, reaching 15 first in the final set. Gojo blames the loss on you of course, even though heās missed every pass youāve sent his way and netted 60% of his spikes.Ā
And maybe it technically is your faultāyou and your (very distracting) little things. But itās entirely on him that heās fallen for it, fallen for you as much as this.Ā
.
.
.
Gojo thinks of love differently when he sees a picture of himself and all it does is remind him of you.
Thereās a photo tucked safely in his wallet (saved and set as his homescreen too). Shoko snorts when she walks in on him printing it, all six-foot-three of him hunched over the small inkjet printer in the faculty room.Ā
āItās all digital now, Satoru,ā she scoffs, taking a puff on her cigarette.Ā
Gojo doesnāt say anything even though he knows itās true, too focused on watching the printer push out the two-by-three inch image heās about to cut into.Ā
Print photos arenāt as important anymore when cloud storage spaces are just asāif not moreāaccessible, but Gojo is admittedly sentimental despite every front he puts up to hide it.Ā
Heās kept every single gift youāve given him and camouflaged it as decoration in his office, and the family drawing 10-year-old Tsumiki made is still folded between the pages of a self-help book Yaga had given him when he first decided to teach.Ā
When every moment is experienced so vividly, seen through a muddle of infinite energies, there are those he wishes could stay stillāones that take up space to remind him: āthis is real, it happened, and here is proof that it didā.Ā
He already has one of all of you, fresh-faced and barely pushing the peaks of youth at 16. A tangle of arms wrapped around each otherāone of his gripping tightly on Suguru, and the other hanging loosely over you. Utahime is crouched in front, holding the hand youāve placed on her shoulder while pulling Shoko into a semi-squish-semi-hug (because out of the four of you, Shoko is her favoriteācompletely valid; if given the choice, sheād be your favorite too). Nanami and Haibara stay close to Suguru, squatting low to balance the photo, and Haibara is smiling, the ever cheery grin Suguru loves to dote on, while Nanami is Nanamiāsharp features and a serious gaze that you all know heāll grow into someday, handsome with age.Ā
For the longest time, Gojo has kept that photo hidden, locked away in the drawer of his bedside table as if keeping it there means the memory will stay guarded foreverāuntouched, unspoiled, unruined.Ā
It would have stayed there if you didnāt stumble upon it while looking for his painkillers during another one of his skull-crushing migraines.Ā
You approach him with the image hesitantly, eyes damp and glossy. Years have faded the colors ever so slightly, but the corners remain crisp from being stowed away neatly. You say sorry, that you shouldnāt have looked through his things, but you remember the moment it was taken so fondly: a visit to the Kyoto campus on a one-day break to train with other students.Ā
Gojo has many theories about time and the multitude of spaces it takesālike how a person can exist at different points in time, disparate at each instance, and still take up the same big chunk of space. The opposite can be true too, that someone can live finitely (just once) and occupy spaces in every place you look: the face of a passerby down the road, a sign at the corner of the street, or even a photograph that immortalizes people you once knew.Ā
He only shares when you ask, aware that he tends to be a bit of a nerd about it whenever itās brought up, but you don't mind. You like listening to it all, no matter how insightful or confusing they are for you to make senseāa version of him not many get to witness. His explanations are comprehensible for the most part, exceptā
When Gojo tells you that heās kept the image in his drawer, hidden, because exposing it to the space-time that exists now will erase every reminder that it ever happened, you hug him tightly.Ā
Your sniffles are heard from the way his head is tucked into the crook of your neck, your fingers gripping strands of his hair in empathy.Ā
He considers your near-tears as a sign that the memory is long gone, decayed into the brittling tragedy of reality. But you smile, the corners of your lips bittersweet as you express disbelief that heās kept it all this time.Ā
You tell him delicately that some precious things are meant to be celebrated, put out to be rememberedāto be experienced.Ā
And it becomes clearer to him then, by the look in your eyes and remembrance soft-spoken, that what good is a photo unseen?Ā
What good is a love unwitnessed?
When you gift him a frame a year after finding the photo, he hangs it by the wall next to his office door. The image is painful to look at, always has been (even when it was hidden in his drawer)āduring Suguruās defection, and death anniversaries especially.Ā
The recent one for Nanami was heavy; the first time heās ever been able to process grief fully.Ā
Gojo can argue that it grows more difficult every time he catches a glimpse of it from his desk, but you have a way of honoring pain that doesnāt make it sting as badāthat turns it into a reminder of a love that was once there, of feelings that hurt as evidence that someone cared.Ā
Now, he wants another photo printed, one of just the two of you. Not because it hurts, but because he wants this precious thing to be remembered and seenāfor this love to be witnessed too.Ā
Itās self-timered, snapped under the shade of a cherry blossom tree in full bloom. The picture is far from perfect: your eyes bright and mouth open mid-fear of his phone falling off the bridge railing.Ā
You may look a teensy bit funny, but Gojo will always find it cute. Anyone can see it, at how he looks at you in that momentālike you are every bit worthy of the distance travelled and seasons waited. He gazes at you fondly, eyes holding clear skies and pink lips curling into a small smile.Ā
Itās cheesy, but if you ask him what he thinks about this yearās flowers, heāll tell you none of them (not even any of them combined) could compare to you. The cherry blossoms could be gone and heād still see them everywhere (in the softness of your lips, the fullness of your cheeks, the radiance you emit when you are truly, solely content and happy).Ā
He remembers that afternoon well: the spring breeze that jolts his phone sideways, his hand resting on your lower back, unseen in the image. Thereās no real reason for visiting the blossoms on this day of all days, but Gojo doesnāt believe in coincidences, and heās counted down exactly to a year since you both had your first kiss.
Itās so silly, because heās never thought of things like this before. He knows you probably donāt think much of it either considering that neither of you have made anything official yet since.Ā
And he feels a little stupid for that, honestly.Ā
Youāve been sleeping at each otherās places more often than not, and even though you go on these little trips that are so obviously dates, you both still just tell everyone youāre āhanging outā.
Heās not fooling anyone here, not when he looks at you then with the feeling of his chest expanding, stretching to accommodate the overflows of his affection since learning the ways to love youātenderness caught in little pixels of eternity.Ā Ā
When Gojo goes through all 179 photos from that afternoon, he filters out the ones to delete and picks this one out especiallyāfavorites and resizes it to fit his home screen and his wallet too.Ā
Thereās something about the look on his face that reminds him of every time heās caught the same one on you.Ā
He slides the photo into the little sleeve behind his credit card, catching himself smilingāthis must be because of you, he thinks, and the bits and pieces of yourself that have somehow become part of him slowly, sneaking into him unknowingly.
If this is what it means to be in love, with you, then heās fucked.Ā
Donāt you know that heās insatiable? These traces of you will only make him want the whole of you.Ā
.
You find the photo while he rushes to the restaurant restroom. On āhang outās like this, you insist on splitting the bill, but Gojo has always been stubborn and youāve learned that you can never argue.Ā
He hands you his wallet to pay with his card, and when you slide it out, the photo falls. Itās face down on the floor when you pick it up, fully expecting it to be a photocard of some idol you know Gojo follows.Ā
But it isnāt, and your smile widens.Ā
When Gojo comes back, youāre looking up at him affectionately, biting your lips as if to stop yourself from speakingāthe same way he always does.Ā
Itās funny because, slotted between your two fingers is the photo heās kind of flustered you found, but he has no time to be embarrassed when he sees a little bit of himself in the way youāre staring at him right now.
.
.
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āSo, Yuuji asked if we were together.āĀ
You quirk an eyebrow, looking up at Gojo from the pile of laundry youāve begun folding on your bed. He emerges from the bathroom, ruffling his hair with a towel.Ā
Over the past year, Gojo has spent his weekends off with you, sleeping over and traipsing around your room in his pajama set as if heās lived here just as long as you.Ā
You snort as you fold, amused that this is even a question to begin with. Yuujiās always been known for being exceptionally dense, but you didnāt think it was this bad. Gojo was especially touchy with you during that beach trip, and youāre sure Megumi and Nobara have caught up to let him know by now, somehow.Ā
āWhat made him ask?āĀ
āI think he wants to take you away.ā Gojo teases, wiggling his eyebrows as he throws the towel on the chair across your vanity.Ā
You roll your eyes, still sweetly, indulging him, āSure.āĀ
Itās now a running joke that Gojoās threatened about Yuuji stealing you; youāve always had a soft spot for bright eyes and even brighter souls and Yuuji is as close to that as anyone can get. Itās not like that though; Yuuji is just like your Megumiāthe two boys you want to protect and care for in hopes of treating them better than their lives have ever.Ā
Gojo feels the same, you know, otherwise he wouldnāt have guided them as much as he has (despite his questionable ways). Still, your hands have always been gentler, kinderāand though shorter, have always outstretched much farther than his.Ā
You have a way of inching your way into peopleās lives that just fits. Heās experienced it first-hand, canāt even dare to imagine what his life would be like if you didnāt.Ā
He walks across the room to you, bed dipping as he steadies a knee before draping his entire body over your shoulders.Ā
Now that you think about it, it makes sense that Yuujiās confused, because Gojo has always been extremely touchy to everyone, just never when the feelings mattered, with you. Kiss him once, though, and it snowballs into an avalanche of firsts. And what heās about to do right now, he thinks, might just trigger another one to form all together.Ā
āAs if Iād let him.ā he mumbles right by your ear, chin tucked by the crook of your neck. It tickles when he speaks, his nose poking at your cheeks.Ā
āWho put you in charge?ā you scoff jokingly, unfazed.Ā
He moves away from you in disbelief, mouth open as he stares at you mindlessly folding.
To be fair, he canāt fault you. You arenāt technically official even though you have kind-of-been for a little over a year. Thereās no particular reason, just that you havenāt talked about itāpart because you wanted him to approach it whenever he was ready, and also, because it just never seemed like a priority.
You laugh as he stares at you, stunned into silence, the pout on his face borrowed from all the versions of yours.Ā
Thereās no point of contention because youāve only ever loved Gojo since you were 17.Ā
āKidding,ā you kiss his cheek as an apology.Ā
āDonāt even joke about that.ā he huffs, youāre starting to take after him a little too much.
āYouāre mine.ā he murmurs after, arms wrapped around your waist and legs stretched out wide to encase you.Ā
He says it as if it is the simplest truth.Ā
Your heartbeat quickens, too loud and pounding; this is the first time youāve ever heard this from him. A part of you thinks this is just another one of those flirty side-comments he makes on a whim.
āYou tell him that?ā you hope he canāt hear your voice shake as he nuzzles your neck, your fingers trembling on the pair of socks you have yet to roll.Ā
He hums, hugging you tighter. He waits for you to finish folding before letting you lean against him, offering his fingers for you to fiddle with. Theyāre cold, long and slender, veiny just by a bit, and he always gives them to you like theyāre yours, you like to think.Ā
Thereās an inhale, a breath of hesitation, before he exhales.Ā Ā
āSomething like it.āĀ
You donāt say anything, only nod, and itās nerve-wracking. Heās so nervous even though he knows he doesnāt have to be because itās just you. And thereās no need to doubt what youāre feeling. Butā
āYou are though,ā he pauses, āright?āĀ
He has to be sure. This is a testament to you more than himself that heās learned to ask instead of bulldozing you like he does with everyone else. Who else will he pick that up from but you?Ā
Thereās hesitation you hear that you think shouldnāt be there anymore; the fact that youāve given so much of yourself to this man and he still thinks youāre unsureā
āāCause Iām yours.ā he speaks, clearly, definitively, before you can even answer. And you knowāyouāve known ever since that party years ago. A simple admittance: āIām takenā.Ā
You turn around to face him, eyes shimmering.Ā
Can he see? Youāre meant for him only.Ā
All youāve ever wanted was to love him; everything else heās done up until this point is already more than you could ever imagine. The labels can only do so much to capture the gravity of what you are to one another: years of history unpacked into a mishmash of feelings overlappingāitās a lot.
You sit cross legged in front of him, your knees touching his. Heās biting his lips again, an anxious habit you want to kiss away.Ā
Gojo has proven far too much of himself already that heās serious with youāyour kind-of-confession, that confrontation, and the days after, all the ways youāve both learned to love each other.Ā
You cup his cheeks.Ā
A single word cannot possibly define what he is to you.
āI mean, o-only if you want me to be.ā he adds on, blue eyes darting back and forth.
Gojo runs his mouth almost all the time and youāve never heard him stutter once in his life. Except now.Ā
Heās endearing like thisāa version of him you are slowly discovering.Ā
āWouldnāt be here if I didnāt.ā you finally say, and itās a relief.Ā
He feels good, releasing a breath he didnāt know he was holding. His arms pull you closer, hugging you tighter as you both smile.Ā
He kisses you once, twice, maybe a million times all over, travelling across your eyelids, the center of your forehead, down to the corners of your mouth before landing a real one right on your lips.Ā
Gojo always looks pretty but he looks prettiest like this, worry-free, with love in his eyes and nothing but pure happiness in the way he holds you.Ā
He wonāt tell you that Yuuji asked about your anniversary, not if you were together.Ā
At least now he has an answer.
Gojo stares at you like he wants to say something, a thank you maybe, but he bites his lips instead. No words will ever amount to this feeling, he thinks, of his chest expanding and heart hammering. So he kisses you with all of it, trailing soft smacks of his lips down your neck, tickling. The tips of his hair are still wet from his shower, leaving droplets on your skin as he nips.Ā
You laughāsprinkled in love.Ā
āS-stop!ā you push him away, āSatoru,ā giggling, ātickles!āĀ
āWe have to consummate it now.ā he whispers, grabbing you by the waist to place you on his lap, squeezing your sides while nibbling at your neck playfully.Ā
You roll your eyes at his antics, āItās notāā you laugh out loud when he pinches your hips, āāmarriage, Satoru.āĀ
Oh, if only you knew, he thinks.Ā
The image youāve planted in his head is dangerous when heās this drunk on love right now.Ā
More decades, more years spent with you? In another life, or maybe even in this one, if time permits, he wouldnāt mind making that come true.Ā
.
Itās crazy how much things can changeāfor all his life, heās ruled out the possibility of love ever taking root in his ribcage.Ā
Youāve managed to make it feel so easy, so good, even when he was shit-terrified not knowing how to love you like he should.Ā
Now, he thinks, how could he ever miss out on love this way? A love this good, with you?Ā
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.
.
For all of Gojoās life, heās never had to be anyone elseāalways the strongest, the only one. Heās never had to change anything about himself, because when youāre the best, whatās there to improve?Ā
In a way, this is why it works with you. Youāve taken him as he is, all the good and ugly and never asked for anything more than what he can give.Ā
But being this in love with youāitās foreign. There are pieces within him shifting, all on their own without him knowing.Ā
How he wants to be better, for you. To be good enough to deserve all of it, and give back more of it too.Ā
Gojo doesnāt realize how much love has changed him until he feels it uprooting every insecurity he never even knew existed, pulling it all up to the surface.Ā
When things are going great, itās hard to imagine them ever going the other way.Ā
.
.
.
āYou donāt mean that.ā you mumble, voice trembling.
Gojo stares at you, at your lips quivering and the fists clenched to your sides. There are tears collecting in pools by your eyes, and if thereās anything else he hates in this world, itās seeing you cry.Ā
So why?
Why couldnāt he just shut up?Ā
āPlease tell me you donāt mean that,ā you take a step closer, gripping the edge of his jacket āSatoru.ā your voice cracks, begging.Ā
Itās an out-of-body experience when Gojo registers that heās fucked up, and he sees himself now, birdās-eye-view, and thinks this is the worst thing he could do to you after all youāve been through.Ā
āI need some time to think,ā he says, finally, the only words coming out of his mouthābut he canāt hear himself speaking.Ā
He should have said sorry, taken it all back, he thinks, not make it worse by leaving.Ā
He heads for the door, heart crunching under each footstep away from you.Ā
Is this what being in loveās supposed to do? Break his heart while yours is bleeding?
.
Youāre too good for Gojo, in every sense of the wordāand he knows it.
You are far too kind, far too generous, far too patient with him. You give him more love than he deserves, definitely, and admittedly enough, with how he is, you have been settling for the bare minimum but thatās on him, not on you.Ā
He had no right speaking to you the way he did, hurting you with accusations born from insecurities heās never before had to deal with.Ā
He knows it.Ā
Who accuses you of āmeddlingā as if everything out of you doesnāt come from the goodness of your heart? Of provoking you with āchasing the bare minimumā as if he isnāt aware that thatās all heās given you to work with?Ā
Utahime was right in telling you to be careful with him, and he doesnāt blame her for it. He would have done the same.Ā
He should have told you there was something brewing inside of him alreadyāshould have talked to you instead of bursting from all the things people have been saying lately.
Gojo hasnāt spoken to you in three days and the feeling this compares to is worse than anything else heās ever had to face.Ā
.
He knocks on your door at night, a little past dinner and too early for bedtime. They echo loudly within the walls of your apartment, and you drag yourself up despite your obvious look of heartbreak.Ā
Gojo hears your footsteps and everything moves entirely too slowly; the lock, taking far too long to turn, the gap between the door and the door frame widening incrementally. Even your face comes into view as if in stop motion, frame-by-frame, gradually.
His hands are in his pockets, lips bitten to bleed. Heās pretty sure he isnāt breathing when he takes you ināpuffy eyes and a sweater that belongs to him.Ā
(Is it sick of him to say that he still finds you beautiful this way? Even when you look every bit the part of heartache?)Ā
Gojo didnāt have a plan coming here, didnāt have a list of things to say, just the feeling that he needed to talk to you, see you, even just be around you today.Ā
When your eyes meet, itās quiet. You stare into him for oneātwoāthreeā (can you tell that theyāre watery? Can you see theyāre puffed up too?) and then open the door wider to let him in. You head straight to the kitchen, never once looking back while dragging your feet.Ā
He stands outside a few seconds more, waiting for you to take it back, but you donāt, so he walks in and closes the door.
Heās been in your apartment plenty of times before, has practically lived in it by how often he stays over. But this is the first time heās felt wholly out of place, not knowing where to put himself, just standing in the space between your kitchen counter and the living room awkwardly.
You push a glass of water towards him and he canāt stop staring at itāat you, at your fingers that he wants nothing more now but to hold.Ā
Even with all his faults, all his wrongs, you open your arms for him to walk into, allow him in as if he didnāt just hurt you.Ā
And he wants to cry, at the fact that this place still feels like home, at how itāll always feel that way wherever you go.Ā
How are you still treating him so kindly? Still taking care of him? A glass of water is one too many for someone like him.Ā
You turn away from him to pour yourself your own then he speaksā
āYou should be angry with me.ā Gojo says softly, but you hear it.Ā
You pause, tilting the pitcher back upright.Ā
āWhy arenāt you angry at me?ā he says, a little louder this time, more desperate, more pleading.
Why are you never angry at me? he wants to ask.Ā
You turn around to face him, putting the pitcher down.
Under your kitchen lights, his eyes shine like sunlight on the ocean, waves lapping on the shore. You think it might be a trick of the light, but his lips tremble when he closes them, as if he canāt speak any more.Ā
Itās just as youāve said, thereās no point being angry with Gojo when your heart can never take it.Ā
You always give Gojo the benefit of the doubt, and though heās hurt youāthough this might be the most painful thing heās told you yet, you know that heās been under immense pressure lately. Stressed beyond belief from negotiating with the government on policies for jujutsu society.Ā
Itās not an excuse, you know, but Gojo always has his reasons. Heāll tell you eventually, you believe that much.Ā
You give him a sad smile, struggling to stop your tears from spilling. His fists are clenched too tightly, nails digging in hard enough to bleed. He hasnāt moved since coming in, so you push yourself off the kitchen sink towards him.Ā
You take his hands first, unfurl each finger pressed upon his palm and rub gently. He cries quietly for a love so pure that only you would attempt to ease his hurt despite the pain heās dealt you.Ā
You tiptoe second, pulling the sleeves of your (his) sweater before reaching up to wipe his eyesābeautiful and blue just like youāve always known, droplets of the ocean at your fingertips.Ā
āBe mad,ā he whispers, āplease.ā squeezing his eyes tightly.Ā
It hurts more when you arenāt, he thinks.Ā
His hand comes up to grip your wrist, bringing it down to cup his cheek. You stroke your thumb across his skin, soothing, loving, and thatās all it takes for him to pull you in. He hugs you tight, arms wrapped around you, clutching.Ā
He wouldnāt deserve you. In any life.
Gojoās never cried this much before, head pressed to your neck as you rub circles along his back, shushing him softly. You start sniffling too, small at first until it turns into soft hiccups when you finally cry.Ā
Your grip on him tightens.Ā
āāM sorry.ā he mumbles, lips moving against your neck.Ā
āāSāā you hiccup, āāokay.āĀ
āStop saying that when itās not,ā he presses against you, nuzzling your neck, āI hurt you.ā
āThen donātāā another hiccup, āācall yourselfāā hic, āābare minimum.ā you cry harder.Ā
Gojo knows your heart and the tears that leak out of your eyes; he knows they hold pain for more than just you but every single person in your life. You, crying now, is evidence of that truthāshedding tears for him not just because of him when he thinks heās the bare minimum.Ā
This must be what it means to be truly, deeply loved, he thinks, to have someone know what you mean without even having to speak itāto know your heart, and all the good and bad parts of it.Ā
āI donāt think Iām good enough to you,ā he admits, pulling himself away from you.
When he sees your face, wet, with your nose and eyes puffed up from crying, he decides that he hates it more than anything else. Makes it sick to his stomach, even.Ā
He cradles your cheeks, thumbs wiping away your tears. A whole hand of his could cover your face entirely, but he always, without fail, holds you delicately.Ā
āThatās notāā hic, āātrue.ā you gather your breathing, holding him by the wrists as he presses his forehead against yours. āOnly I get to decide that. Not anyone, not you.āĀ
You kiss his lips, a small peck before nudging his nose with yours. You soothe each other this wayāin the quiet, swaying to your own tune.Ā
āYouāre good to me plenty, Satoru.ā you whisper, once both of you have settled.Ā
He opens his eyes to look at you, smiling sadly as he cradles your face, āI didnāt mean it.āĀ
Whatever he told you that day, taking it all out on you.
āI know.ā you mumble, nodding.Ā
You always do.Ā
.
.
.
Gojo has always loved you, in some type of wayāas friends, colleagues, a-little-bit-more-but-less-than what you are today.Ā
But how he feels right now? Itās kinda ridiculous, borderline out-of-hand, and itās driving him insane.Ā
Itās such a simple, ordinary thing for you to do: you rush up to him, phone in hand and scroll to something you saw on the internet. Youāre so excited, a bounce in your step as if heās the first and only person you want to show this to. Your eyes shine bright with a megawatt smile to match, and youāre talking so, so fast, completely lit up like fireworks in the making.Ā
He knows you think that heās listening but, he couldnāt care less about it honestly. Sorry. Not when the words go in one ear and out the other because all that registers is how adorable you are, giddy and everything.Ā
He makes a jokeācompletely unrelated, but you find it so funny. Then youāre laughing, full on smacking his arm, doubled over, arms hugging your stomach, guffawing. Your feet are kicking the air as you sink deeper into your couch. Gojoās standing in front of you, post-enactment of some impression he made, and heās frozen in place but warm all over.Ā
Seeing you laugh like this, smile like this, being so pretty when youāre happy, the pounding in his chest goes crazy.Ā
This isnāt the first time heās made you laugh; he does it all the time. You almost always roll your eyes and chuckle, sometimes giggle with your eyes squinting and laugh lines creasing. But it might be the first time itās like this: with you so bright, more than the sun and every other star in the sky.Ā
And he thinks, this is all he could ever wantāto make you happy for the rest of his life.Ā
Thereās too much of this feeling inside of him, clawing at his throat, itching to get out. Heās filled with it, has been filled with it for so long that itās starting to overflow and if he doesnāt say this now he might justā
āIām so in love with you.āĀ
Gojo breathes it out, as if finally being able to release it after all this time. You donāt think he processes it because he just stands there, in the middle of your living room, staring at you.Ā
He looks so sweet, so sincere, and you see his heart, so big, so honest and pure. You get my flashbacks of every Satoru you have ever known, at 15, 17, 23, to now. Your laughter dies with maybe a little part of you too (in a good way).Ā
Itās not like either of you donāt know; itās plain as day, how you feel about each otherāand you would have been fine going on without ever having to hear him speak of love this way.
But hearing it now, itās far better than anything you could have imagined.Ā
You stare at him. He stares at you.Ā
Heās shocked too.Ā
You donāt want to embarrass him, especially if he didnāt mean to say it, so you chuckle, moving on to break the tension.Ā
āI can unhear it if you want,ā you offer shyly, genuinely.Ā
Gojo looks at you, confused, before a pout makes its way onto his face. You sit up on your couch, playing with your fingers as you look up at him.
He knows he practically blurted it out, maybe in the heat of the moment, or something, but it doesnāt make it any less true. And heās realizing that the only thing he really wants from thisā
āThoughā¦ā you continue, biting your lips, āI think Iām pretty in love with you too.āĀ
The little laugh you make has him, completely.Ā
The grin that breaks on his face is infectious. Gojo, who is normally so pale, is now pink all overāred by his ears and down his neck. Thereās a sparkle in his eyes that can be found in yours too.Ā
This moment right here feels like first lovesāteens first saying āI love youā.Ā
āYou think?ā he asks incredulously, joking, āSo youāre not sure?ā he walks closer to you.Ā
You laugh, candy for his cravings, and take his hand to kiss each knuckle before guiding it to your cheek. He runs a thumb across your skin, affection on his fingertips. His index finger hooks itself under your chin, tilting it to rest on his stomach as you look up at him.Ā
A kiss to your forehead, tenderly, gently.Ā
The best part about being in love?Ā
He gets to be in it with you.Ā
.
.
.
Gojo canāt sleep.Ā
Itās not anything newā4 hours on average, maybe 6 on a good night. He doesnāt remember a time when sleep ever came easily.
Sleeping with you, beside you, has helped, but itās never solved the problem. Youāve gotten him to a full 8 hours before, but never consecutively, and heās starting to think that if you canāt do it, nothing ever will.Ā
Your sleeping positions change every night, but they always come out as some variation of hugging. Gojo firmly believes that he might as well sleep alone if you arenāt touching.Ā
Tonight, youāre spooning, arm slung over his waist and palm right on his chest, fingers interlaced with his. Your legs stay tangled together with soft puffs of air blowing at the back of his neck.Ā
He opens his eyes and checks the clock by his bedside. 3:24 a.m.Ā
He sighs deeply, carefully maneuvering his body to slip away from you. You used to wake up the first few times this happened, worried about an emergency or some kind of accident. Being a sorcerer trains you for things like that.Ā
Youāve always known Gojo had bad sleep, just not the severity of it.Ā
You donāt wake up to it as much as you used to, having grown accustomed to it after more nights together, but on the off-chance that you do, Gojo always kisses your forehead gently as if to tell you that itās okay, you can go back to sleep.
You donāt wake up now, thankfully, so he grabs his phone and heads for the kitchen. Thereās a sinking feeling in his chest tonight, far heavier than others heās woken up from. He pours himself a glass of water before hopping on the kitchen counter, ready to sort through the bowl of candy sitting on the island.Ā
The date today is October 31. Halloween. Itās been a few years since Shibuya but he still feels like heās suffocating.Ā
In the train station. In the box.
In front of Suguruāor Kenjaku, both, whatever.Ā
Heās gone to therapy, just like you wanted, for the both of you, and grieving has been an interesting concept to wrap his head around since.
But no matter how much he trains his mind to deal with it, his body will always remember the feeling.Ā
He snaps out of it when he hears your footsteps padding on the floorboards. Your figure emerges from the hallway, bed hair and eyes still sleepy, squinting.Ā
āSatoru?ā you rub at your eyes, his sleep shirt entirely too long as the sleeves extend past your fingertips. The extra fabric swings in the air. āYou okay?ā you whisper, approaching him.Ā
Waking you up is the last thing he could ever want right now, but itās hard when youāre also the only one he can talk about this with. When you know what itās like to grieve everyone too.Ā Ā
He has every intention of brushing it off, of telling you to go to sleep, but one look at youāone look at him and itās like you just know. He doesnāt even need to explain.Ā
It isnāt hard to piece together, knowing what today is and seeing him choked up the way he is. You tell Gojo itās your intuition, but he has a tell, and maybe youāre the only one who knows it.Ā
His eyesātheyāve always given him away. Thereās the Satoru you know, then a Satoru thatās far removed, gone away. You can spot it though, the moment it loses its sparkle, the moment it turns from blue to gray.Ā
He feels a little selfish sharing this with you; heās not the only one whoās lost people. You have too.Ā
You stand in front of him and offer a sad smile, outstretching your arms as an invite, as if to tell him: you can stay here for as long as youād like.Ā
He moves into your space slowly, hopping off the kitchen island to slump against you.Ā
He doesnāt hug you yet, not immediately, hands still shaky at the memory. You rub his back, hooking your chin on his shoulder as he bends down to rest his head by your cheek.Ā
You take his hand delicately, bringing them to your lips so you can kiss every fingertip gently. When you finish, he wraps his arms around you, squeezing tightly.Ā
āDo you want to talk about it?ā you whisper, like a hushed secret.Ā
And he wants to, but also, there isnāt anything else to say that you donāt know already. You were there the first few times he had therapy, and when he felt comfortable enough to go alone, he told you all about it anyway right after.Ā
If thereās a secret to fighting him and coming out in victory, theyād only have to get to youāheād be gone, entirely. You know too much of him, own too many parts of him already.Ā
He chuckles dryly, you feel it vibrating by your neck. A step back and heās leaning against the counter, bringing you closer by the hip, thumb stroking. He tucks away strands of your hair behind your ear, flattening down the birdās nest that it is from your sleep.Ā
āNothing you havenāt heard before, pretty.ā
Gojoās been more tender lately, especially in the night when his piercing eyes turn soft, gazing.Ā
You pout, the same one since you were 16. You donāt know if youāll ever get used to it, the way he calls you such sweet, honeyed things; youāve only recently begun to call him ābabyā and that alone has been enough to make your head spin.Ā
Still, he wouldnāt be your Satoru if he didnāt surprise you. With how he is now, itās hard to imagine a time when this was all so difficult for him, when even the slightest bit of your hands touching was challenging.Ā
Itās hard to imagine that both of you are here now, living in the same space, by the kitchen at night, with the contents of your hearts memorizedāthe sorrow, the pain, the joy, all the love, every single one.Ā
He kisses your nose, and thatās comfort alone.Ā
This is his reality now, with you, and itās safe.
Itās good.Ā
āDo you want to make waffles?ā he hears you mumble, running your hands over his chest, soothing.Ā Ā
The clock reads 3:56 a.m. Early breakfast doesnāt sound so bad, could also be a midnight snack.
(But he knows what youāre doing).Ā
You donāt tell him to try to go back to sleep, never forcing anything you know he canāt do. Instead, you offer yourself to stay up with him, keep him company. Whatever he needs.Ā
(And he loves that about you).Ā
.
.
.
Gojo will forever argue that you might have fallen first, but heās definitely fallen harder.Ā
He could map out every single location heās laid his love onāyour eyes, the flutter of your eyelashes, the curve of your nose, and your lips, the same ones heās kissed and nipped, bitten until he gets his fill.Ā
Your neck and chestāa canvas for his desires. He glides a finger across your collarbone before lightly tapping on it thrice.Ā
Thereās the little dip at the base of your spine and your thighsā
Oh, he could get lost in them.Ā
He knows.Ā
He has. Many times.
Thereās an animal inside of him that only answers to you.Ā
When you kiss his neck and grip his back, soft moans by his earāshort and sweet. Heās a gone man, wholly devoted to you, and you only.Ā
You breathe his name out, āSatoru,ā raspily, and he sinks into youāeverything, all that he has spilling in the depths of you.Ā
How can he possibly contain all this love?
Itās scary how so much of him already belongs to you, all these yearsāhow youāve been carrying pieces of him, all versions of him throughout every birthday, every moment youāve touched his life and have it irrevocably changed.Ā
.
āAre you happy?ā he mumbles in your ear, voice deep and lazy.Ā
Itās the morning, sunlight barely peeking through your curtains. Gojo hugs you from behind, arms caging you as he traces little hearts on your sides.Ā
āRight now?ā you whisper back, chuckling, āThatās not fair.āĀ
He nips at your ear, a small bite, before you turn to face him.
He supposes youāre right, it isnāt fair to ask that now; both your bodies are sore, well-exhausted, and littered with love.Ā
Gojo is pretty in the mornings just like he is all the time, his hair lends well to sunlight as much as it does to the moonlight. And his eyesāthey shine a different shade during the day compared to the night.Ā
You though, youāre an entirely different creature of your own: a goddess in bedsheets and pillows, wrapped in immaculate white.Ā Ā
You giggle when you face him, nose-to-nose, and he pulls you in tighter, grips you by the butt to slot you in right where you belong.Ā
Are you happy with me?Ā
He wonders, and you can read itāhis eyes his greatest tell. You kiss him tenderly, lips moving gently against his. Then you smile, sincerely, before whisperingā
āWouldnāt be here if I wasnāt.ā
thank you notes: to @stellamancer for being there since the very start!! col wouldnāt even exist without you!! youāre every much part of the creation of this as i am :'), to @crysugu for being so ever supportive, cheering me on all the time!! and for loving col reader as much as i do!!, to @vagabond-umlaut for being so lovely!! lifting me up when i was really nervous about this!! and to you reading this and everyone else who has loved this collection so far!!Ā of course!! a credit to all the writers whose works have inspired the way i view and write gojo: to @seravphs for teen dad!gojo and cruel summer influences, i draw so much of the way i understand these characters and their dynamics from you and your beautiful way of writing them and i hope my interpretation gives justice to that!!, to @augustinewrites for keeping up with the fushigojos, this series and the way you write them, with so much love, has always pushed for me to view gojo that way!! youāve inspired so much of my understanding that gojo does believe in love and that when he falls in it, he falls in it hard!!
#u will ever be in the special mentions of the book that is col !!!!#written in front or at the back typed in small font: for niku#niku tag#shotorus.feedback#matcha latte#thank u so much niku baby i appreciate u so much !!!
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