#i cant wait to cry on my mental health walks listening to it

[mimibtsghost7]

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost. 

funny enough: 

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life. 

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol). 

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well ..  guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me? 

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right: 

 Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me: 

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first. 

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony. 

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them?  You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that? 

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner. 

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever. 

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it:  a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~ 

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left.  As for me @hobisbeautifulass​ you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~ 

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^ 

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

[romanceimp]

Bitter Taste: Iwaizumi x f/reader Pt. 1

pt. 2 here

THIS IS SO LATE and I’m a fuck up hahahaha (kinda ironic this was 2 weeks late for Mental Health Awareness month) 

I am crediting my girl @kuso-deku for giving me Iwaizumi brain rot to begin with. I am also crediting @gixxie and @idonotagreebitch for helping me talk through my ideas... and crediting @doinmybesthere for the wonderful idea of a mental health awareness collaboration the link is here. PLS READ THE REST OF THE WORKS. Everyone deserves the love.

TW: manipulative male/female relationships, gaslighting?, subtle shit head crap that most men do (don’t worry Iwa is a peach as always tho, it’s Ushijima that’s the problem)

_ 

Iwaizumi stands and stretches in the cinema. The movie had been good, but long, he figured it was a little after midnight. “What’d ya think?” Kuroo asks as they exit the theatre. “I hated the ending…” Oikawa gripes, “I hate endings where everyone just dies.” “You are such a princess Tooru, I swear, it’s a metaphorical ending… did you not catch all the symbolism in the opening credits?” Iwaizumi sighs and turns his phone back on, trying his best to ignore their bickering. Slowly, notification after notification pops up… all from you. He blinks, surprised. You had declined his offer to join him for the film, stating you had previous plans attending a close friend’s birthday.

Iwa opens the messages from you. He sees first the selfies. You look beautiful, extravagant even. Your dress is beautiful, it compliments your figure perfectly with the corseted bodice. It’s white and so is your lace mask. Broad, feathered angel wings rest on your back. Angelic would have been a word he’d used to describe you before, but now, it was confirmed. He wants to keep staring at the photos but Kuroo and Oikawa are starting to become too curious about the contents of his phone. He scrolls and relaxes his face to look more casual. But it’s hard when your intoxicated messages are so darn cute.    

hope the movie is good!

okay so I guess there’s an open bar? Is it my birthday too?

if you wanna come by after the movie I’msure you coul

this partyyyy suckssssssss assssssssss

wish id gon wiht u xx

You are clearly drunk and he laughs to himself before Kuroo peers over his right shoulder. “Well she’s thinking about you at least,” he smirks. Oikawa peers over Iwaizumi’s left shoulder, “ooo play the voice message.” Oikawa taps the message before Iwaizumi can give him an answer.

“Hiiiii Iwaaaaaa, hope you like the moovie and you’re having a good time, cuz I’m having a preetyy good time, they gots free margaritaaass. Okay byeeeee”

The guys laugh and Oikawa presses the next one.

“Hey Iwaaa, I made up a song about you, ready?

Iwaizumi

Doesn’t know what he does- to me…

Sshfhsijknfhahaha I cant remember the rest som’n bout… som’n I dunno. Byeee”

“Okay, Ushi says that I need to say sorry for sending so many…” you pause and then whisper, “drunk messages, but I’as only tellin’ ya I ssink ‘r awesome ‘n you should totally come to this party and hang out with me… you’re awesome, okay byeee”

Oikawa and Kuroo pause and look at Iwaizumi. “Ushi?” Oikawa asks, “like Ushiwaka?” Oikawa’s eyes are narrowed and he gags dramatically in disgust. Iwaizumi nods and walks to exit the theatre. “Wait… that’s her friend who’s having the birthday party?” Iwa grimaces as Kuroo chuckles. “No wonder you’ve had a stick up your ass all night.” Iwa glares at him, “they’re just friends… apparently… I don’t know, she said they’ve known each other for a really long time…” Kuroo claps Iwaizumi on the back. “I think you should definitely go to the party.” Iwaizumi starts to object but the ring of his phone draws attention, and he answers it. “Heyyy you're outta th’moviee, heheeheheha,” you slur. Iwaizumi laughs softly and smiles, “yeah, I’m out of the movie now, are you… good?” There is so much background noise, it almost drowns out your sweet sleepy voice. “I’m soooo good… … I just-” he can hear your voice drop to a drunken whisper. “I’z just hoping to see you today,” you mumble finally.  

Iwaizumi can feel his heartbeat quicken, his head reeling. “Oh really?” He plays cool but then instantly regrets it when you give him a serious answer. “Yeah, I was really hoping you’d come to the party, even for just a little,” you murmur. Iwaizumi can’t help but chuckle. You were pretty cute like this, not normally so transparent. You were actually quite hard to read, so sweet but guarded and teasing too. You were a friend of Oikawa’s first and he had met you through him. He’d liked the way you sat cross legged on the couch smiling, chin in your hands while you asked questions and listened to his answers. Your eyes sparkle when you hear something you like, and your face lights up when you talk about things you find interesting.

“Ya don’t have to, I can just see ya another time,” you add. He’s been silent too long which causes him to speak without thinking. “No, I’d love to see you, I’ll head to you now.” Kuroo and Oikawa are silently cheering him on and Iwa turns away in embarrassment. “Really? Okay! I’ll drop my pin… as the kids are sayin’ these days hahaha.” “See you soon, drink some water okay?” “Mhm, I will, see ya soon!”

You were at a club owned by Ushijima’s family. A place called ‘Eagle’s Nest’. He’d only known you for a few weeks but he couldn’t help his infatuation. It was immediate, the night he had gone to Oikawas for game night. You spoke to him so easily not knowing him at all and laughed at his little side jabs to his long time friend. The way you looked at him… Iwa knew then that he wanted to see you smile, hear your laugh, and that he would be happy to assume the responsibility of making that happen.

He was surprised when you had declined his offer for the movie, feeling that you both had some definite chemistry, but Iwaizumi was even more surprised when you had said that you had prior plans with his old time rival Ushijima Wakatoshi. Iwaizumi hadn’t seen him since high school but they knew a few people in common, Oikawa being one of those people. Oikawa could sure hold a grudge but Iwaizumi took all of his comments with a grain of salt. Ushijima often came off entitled and cold, which would leave Iwaizumi with a bad taste in his mouth. Maybe Oikawa had the right idea holding a grudge… But grudge or not he wanted to see you, hear your voice and admire you all dolled up.

When Iwaizumi arrives at the club he is met with a large security guard. “Invitation?” he grumbles. Iwa remains calm but a small trickle of fear runs down his back. Iwaizumi gives the guard a casual smile before he starts to answer but he is interrupted. “Iwaaaaa,” you cry from the top of the stairs. The mask you’d had on is now resting on top of your head, the delicate features of your face now exposed. The floofy skirt of your dress bounces with your excitement as you run down the stairs. You crash into him, throwing your arms around his neck. You bury your face in his collar and still momentarily. Drunk and bubbly, you melt when Iwa wraps his arms around your waist in return, avoiding your costume’s wings. “Mmmm,” you hum, breath hot against his skin, “you smell good.” You pull back and stare into his wide eyes. “You look incredible,” he offers, a slight pink tint to his cheeks. You grin in return and simply take hold of his hand. “He’s with me,” you beam at the guard. Iwaizumi is doubtful this trick will work here. But he is surprised when the guard steps aside saying, “as you wish Miss L/N.” You giggle and pull Iwa towards the doors. “I’ll bring you some cake later, okay Jurou?” Jurou laughs, “just have fun darlin’.” “You’re the best,” you call behind you as you push open the doors. Iwaizumi can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy knowing that you are on a first name basis with one of the body guards at the Wakatoshi’s club. How close were you with Ushijima?    

Blue and purple lights illuminate the vast space while black tiles make up the main floor. The dance floor is sunken, in the middle of the club with a small set of stairs leading down to it. It’s made entirely of glass, beneath is a saltwater garden of different plants and coral.  

“You’ll need one of these,” you explain, swiping a simple black mask from the welcome table. You hand it over to him and pull yours down over your eyes. Iwaizumi adjusts it to where he can see. “You look so handsome,” you admire. He grins, “what about you? You’ve got wings!” You laugh and adjust your mask back on top of your forehead. “I’m a swan, and Ushi said I couldn’t be a swan without wings!” You spin for him, trying your best to flap the feathered wings. Small pieces of confetti glitter rain from the skirt of your dress. Iwaizumi takes in your face illuminated by the lights of the club. Blue and pink dancing over your cheeks as you smile up at him. “What?” you giggle nervously. Just a few weeks but he is mesmerised by your everything. He shakes his head and tries to move on. He wanted to tell you how he felt but this wasn’t the right time. It should be when you’re sober, when you can take in his words properly.

You coax him down towards the bar.  “You’re sure it’s okay to sneak in uninvited guests?” Iwa questions. “Well, I asked Ushi ‘nd he said it was okay, so yeah!” You grin but notice Iwaizumi’s reserve. “It’s really okay, I promise, let’s just get a drink,” you suggest and take his hand. “Only if you drink more water,” he smirks. You roll your eyes at Iwa, “I drank some water before you got here actually.” You look back at him as you both head down to the bar. “I’ll prolly regret that yurr seeing me like this tamorow, ya know,” you call over the blaring music. “It’s cute, you’re cute,” he assures as he leans against the bar, “I didn’t know you thought about me this much until I saw all the snapchats and voice messages and texts.” You cover your face in humiliation, “I knowww, I’m sorry but you were on my mind a lot, alot alot, and  couldn’t stop think about ya, and the booze told me to keep on messaging…” You trail off,  finding the last shred of your filter to keep you from talking.  The bartender hands you your water and you take a long drink.

“Iwaizumi,” a voice projects over the baseline. Ushijima stands tall advancing towards where you both stand. His expression is neutral though, his eyes keep darting to you and then back to Iwaizumi. Ushijima is dressed as a knight, his silver mask hangs languidly around his neck. “Ushiwaka,” Iwa acknowledges, “this is a hell of a birthday party.” You giggle and point at Ushiwaka, “he’s 28 today; getting sooo old.” In that moment, Iwaizumi watches him do something he had never seen him do before. Smile… and then laugh. Ushijima wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you closer.  “You’re just a baby,  you’re only-” You wave your hand in front of Ushiwaka’s face, shushing him. “No, no, Iwa doesn’t knowww, don’t tell him,” you plead. “She’s only 23,” Ushiwaka says. You hold your face in your hands once more and groan. Ushijima pulls your hands from your face, “just barely twenty three too.” You glare at him and look back at Iwaizumi embarrassed.  “Did she not tell you her age?” Ushijima asks Iwaizumi. Iwa shrugs, “She didn’t, but I never asked,” Iwa shrugs casually, addressing you now, “didn’t seem important since you carry yourself so well.”

You turn to Iwa, mouth open like you’re about to respond but Ushijima swipes the glass from your hands before you can finish. “Drinking water?” You look up at him. “But it’s my birthday… and this is a party…  you need something stronger…” Ushijima beacons the bartender with a single flick of his hand. The barman pours three double shots of a clear liquid from a foreign looking bottle. Ushijima takes a glass and hands it to you, before handing another to Iwaizumi. Ushijima gives him a wink as he loops his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He raises his glass, the violet lights illuminating the liquid. Iwaizumi follows his lead. “To my Juliet, the belle of the ball,” Ushijima bellows. You smile slightly and shake your head. “No no, to you Ushi, it’s your birthday, not mine, we are celebrating you!” Your eyes find Iwa’s, but you leave your glass raised. Ushijima grabs hold of your hand that’s still wrapped around the glass. “Cheers,” He tips the glass towards your lips and you swallow the clear liquor as he feeds it to you. You down it all in one go and Ushiwaka smiles wide once again. “She’s good, huh?” With that, Ushiwaka clinks his glass to Iwaizumi’s, “to you brother,” he assures. Iwa is surprised with the sudden sentiment. “And to you,” he replies before downing the shot. The liquor is surprisingly smooth, expensive, and strong. Iwa can feel his head starting to get light from the small portion that was in the glass and Iwa wasn’t a light weight. “Strong huh?” Ushijima smirks. Iwaizumi nods then turns to the bartender to signal for a water.

Ushijima turns to where you stand swaying slightly with the music. “Look at her, she gets drunk so easily,” Ushijima smiles. “How are you feeling, princess?” he shouts over at you. Iwa turns away and downs his water in disgust. ‘Princess?’ Ushijima shouldn’t be calling you that if you’re both just friends. You blink and give him a smile and a thumbs up. There was a natural innocence about you, a childlike wonder and curiosity, the embodiment of sanguine. Ushijima’s air was sometimes sinister, like he was taking advantage of your natural trusting nature. Iwa watches as Ushijima’s large hands rest on either of your shoulders and he pushes you back and forth like a pendulum between his palms. You giggle and try to push him away, “Ushi stooopp.” He laughs with you and continues pushing you around, “you’re so cute and small though, see?” He places a hand on top of your head and you still. “I said to stop,” you mumble. “And I did,” he retorts before letting you go.

Iwa watches the sudden weight of gravity find you as you stumble in your heels. He catches your arm just in time. Your arms find their way around his neck once more, your face in the crook of his neck. You pull away and Iwa examines your foggy eyes. “You okay?” You nod, pushing off of Iwa’s chest. You fix your hair, “it’s fine, he just messin’” you turn to Ushijima, “and someone doesn’t know when to quit.” You’re pulled away into Ushiwaka’s arms. He sways you back and forth, your back held against his chest while he says soft apologies. He whispers something to you and you nod. Iwaizumi wanted to pull you away from him. Not because he was jealous, but because the way that Ushiwaka was behaving with you was odd.

“Y/n is a little bit tired, why don’t you join us in VIP?” Iwa smiles and gives his thanks, trying his best to hide his scowl. Iwa follows after you and Ushiwaka, upstairs and under velvet ropes hoping that he will find a good moment to pull you away. But instead you are pulled onto the couch beside Ushiwaka. He lights a cigar and offers one to Iwa, but Iwaizumi declines with a simple, “no thanks, don’t smoke.” It’s strange the way that Ushiwaka keeps whispering in your ear, giving you sips of his drinks, and blowing smoke in your face. “Ushi, stop please, the smell is making me sick,” you whine. But he just pulls you closer to him, chuckling all the while and does it again. You’re laughing and poking his face, but it’s not out of joy... Watching Ushijima interact with you the whole night has been like watching a cat toy with a mouse.

Iwa grimaces when Ushiwaka tickles you. “Stop-stop-don’t-stop,” you giggle and howl. “She said to stop!” Iwa raises his voice. Ushijima’s eyes shoot towards Iwaizumi while you squirm off the couch. Your eyes are heavy as you walk towards a dark hallway and disappear into the shadows. Iwa’s eyes flick to the entrance to the hall. Ushiwaka sits in a contented silence, sipping a drink, “she’s so dramatic,” he sighs. He continues smoking, arm rested over the back of the purple velvet sofa. Ushijima takes a sip of his drink, swirling the ice in his glass. Iwa doesn’t move to break the silence no matter how expectant Ushijima’s expression was. He stamps out his cigar in the tray before addressing him.

“She’s awfully talkative, and incredibly fond of you…” Ushijima starts, an odd smirk painting his expression. Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow in intrigue and Ushijima’s face hardens. “She won’t shut up about you since she met you… it’s annoying...” Iwaizumi, remains quiet, the silence settling over the men like a thick fog. The only sounds are muffled club music and the ice tinkling against Ushijima’s glass. “I’m going to be honest as a friend… bad idea.” Iwaizumi can feel the rage bubbling inside his gut, “I don’t think that what’s going on between us is any of your-” He’s cut off by Ushijima.

“I’m really looking out for you Iwaizumi, girls can break hearts and Y/n is kind of known for that… she’s just a sweet soul, makes friends easily, but love? That’s harder for her… doesn’t have the best taste in men I’m afraid, I want to protect her and you from a situation where I can already see the conclusion… I get that you like her, everyone does.”  Iwazumi leans forward, “does that include you?” Ushijima is stone faced, then gives a cold laugh. “You’re funnier than I remember, Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi rises and heads towards the hall you disappeared down. If he sat in front of him any longer he was going to say something he regretted… and you still haven’t come back. He slips into the dark hallway as you’re exiting the bathroom. Your mask has been removed and even in the dim lighting you look pale. “Hey, what’s happened?” You look up at him embarrassed, your dress almost as wilted as you are. “Got sick…” you mutter. You’re shaking slightly, arms wrapped around yourself. “Oh Y/n, are you alright?” he sighs. His arm starts to reach for you but he thinks better of it, pulling it back to rest by his side. His eyes widen as he feels the warmth of your hand in his. He didn’t figure that you would want to be touched right now. But your fingers interlace with his,  your skin soft. “Are you good to drive?” you whisper. His hand instinctively tightens around yours protectively. “I only had whatever Ushijima gave us, it was strong but I’ve had water- yeah I’m good.” “Would you mind taking me home?” you ask, as you start to walk back towards the VIP room. “Sure, course,” Iwaizumi replies gently. He feels how your thumb brushes over the back of his hand in silent gratitude. The gesture has his heart beating hard against his ribs. Iwa walks forward, his eyes on you and nothing else. Your brow is furrowed and your expression painted serious which was unusual from how he knew you to act.

“Iwa’s taking me home now,” you announce and walk towards the stairs. Ushiwaka’s face hardens, “I can take her home, you shouldn’t trouble yourself,” he addresses Iwaizumi. You smile and turn around facing Ushiwaka. “But Ushi, ‘s ur birthday, you can’t leave this party jus’ ‘a take me home,” You turn to Iwa now. “Let’s go,” you say and Iwa nods, still holding your hand.  “Where’s my hug, princess?” Ushijima calls after you. You stop in your tracks and close your eyes, taking in a deep breath. You drop Iwa’s hand slowly, hesitantly. You walk back slowly and stand before his open arms. He lifts you and you groan. You’re still hugging him tightly but not quite with the same intimacy as before.

As Ushijima places you down you turn to look back at Iwa when Ushijima catches your face with his large hand. He coaxes your face back towards him then leans down. Ushiwaka locks eyes with Iwaizumi as he whispers something in your ear. Then he presses his lips to your cheek, still not moving his eyes away from Iwaizumi’s. Iwa tries his best to remain neutral but he can feel his lip creeping upwards in contempt. Ushiwaka is too prideful for his own good it seems.

You take Iwa’s hand again, leading him towards the exit. An exasperated look rests on your face. “What did he say to you?” Iwa asks. You sigh and shake your head. “‘S nothin’,  ya shouldn’t worry your pretty lil head ‘bout it.” Iwa can’t help but allow a smile. He raises an eyebrow at you, “think my head is pretty?” he asks. He’s met with your hazy gaze, “I do,” you say simply. Iwa wasn’t prepared for such a straightforward answer to his question.

Once out of the club, the valet pull Iwaizumi’s car around. He’s careful not to let you walk too far on your own. Sick, in those ridiculous shoes and still quite drunk, he opens the car door for you before hopping into the driver's seat. “Will you put your address in?” Iwa hands you his phone and you type it in as asked. “Thanks for doing this,” you sigh. “Yeah of course,” he says as he puts the car into gear. A few streets of city light pass by in silence. Your hands are resting in your lap but your body is still trembling. “I can- umm- pull over if you need me to…” You wave the thought away with your hand, “it was the smell of the cigar more than anything…” Iwa’s gut begins to boil again. Your voice is soft, almost defeated. He speaks before thinking better of it. “Does he always treat you like that?” You look at Iwa and make eye contact briefly before his attention is back on the road. “He was being a little extra weird today, maybe because y’all used to play volleyball together or… I dunno really, he just gets like that sometimes…” You trail off, allowing your thoughts to fade into the rearview. The silence is deafening and you feel the need to break it. “He’s really nice too though, don’t get me wrong, he cooks for me and calls to check in, he even gets me little gifts, so I know he cares.” Iwa shakes his head, “if he cared he would have stopped when you asked him to.” You take a breath, “I know but he was just having a night I guess…” Iwa pulls into your driveway as the GPS notifies him that he has ‘arrived at the destination’. He puts the car in park, “you don’t have to make excuses for him… it’s okay to be angry, if that’s how you feel.” You start to open the door, your fingers on the handle. “I’m not angry though, I’m just kinda hurt.” You open the door and start to get out, “okay, maybe a little angry too.” You laugh to yourself but not out of joy. It’s an ironic laugh and Iwa can hear the pain ringing inside of it. “Let me walk you inside.”  

[castiels-majestic-wings]

Sixth Sense - Chapter 3

Paring: Loki x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2,255

Warnings: Accidental violence/injury. Mental health (Loki).

Posted: 03/01/2021

Odin wasn’t particularly fond of you staying in Asgard. But you had insisted to keep a close eye on Loki. You had told him it was to make sure the darkness didn’t get stronger. But there was something else, after reading him so deeply, so intimately. Something changed. You no longer feared him, but you felt as if you wanted to save him. You needed to save him. From his thoughts, from the entity that harmed him before his forced attack on Earth. You knew he was tortured before his attack, you saw the footage, keeping tabs on what was happening during the battle. But now, you just felt worse. He thought he was the very monster his father despised. He had been lied to his whole life, even by his mother- whom he trusted the most.

Getting lost in your thoughts you didn’t hear Thor entering the room. He was worried for you, he had seen you read auras before but you had never acted like this afterwards. He hoped he hadn’t caused you harm letting you come here. He stared at your figure for a moment. You were facing away from him but your facial features seemed stressed and concerned. Your eyes were narrowed, facing the ground. Your right hand rested on your face while your left draped over your knees. You were unmoving. Completely still until you felt something and your head jerked up and your eyes met Thors. Your eyes narrowed, you had never sensed someone’s presence before. Was your being here helping you tap into your powers. The endless possibilities of being in a magic realm, would that make you more powerful, dangerous?

“Thor- I didn’t hear you come in.”

“You seemed deep in thought” You couldn’t tell him about Loki if he knew his feelings- from what you understood- it would break him.

“Yes, I think my pow- my abilities, I think they’re evolving” It wasn’t exactly a lie. But not the whole truth of what was on your mind.

“Evolving? How so?”

“Before I could only read auras. But now, I can sense them. Not straight away obviously. But what if- what if being here, is making me more powerful? Compared to earth, this realm is one of magic.” You stated, wanting his opinion on the matter.

“It’s possible. So you could sense my presence without knowing I was there?”

“Yes, and-”

“And?”

“And- and I feel a connection- to Loki I mean. I had never read that deep into someone. I felt like his therapist, but it’s more than that. A man like that, he wouldn’t willingly let me read his emotions. But I still felt them. I cant tell emotions from peoples auras, Thor. But with Loki. I did. Is it my being here? “

“We need to tell my father about this” Thor turned to leave but you grabbed his arm holding him back from walking further.

“Don’t. Don’t tell him yet. He doesn’t trust me, not yet. Wait until I gain his trust, then you can tell him” Thor turned to face you again, as your arms fell to your side.

“What if being here causes you harm, Y/N?”

“And what if it doesn’t? If Odin finds out- He will banish me from Asgard for eternity. Thor, trust me on this. There are things you don’t know, about Loki, about your father. Thor, please. Give me a month.”

“One month. No more, no less.”

“Yes! Thank you, Thor” You pulled him into a hug in which he accepted. After pulling away you knew you had to ask Loki about it. You began walking and Thor automatically followed- being you protector here. You memorised the way to the prisons, once Thor had realised your destination he held a hand out in front of you stopping you.

“Are you sure this is wise?” He looked down at your smaller form, concern filling his eyes.

“His speciality is magic, who else could I ask about this?” He frowned, knowing he was the only one that you could ask for answers. A sigh escaped his lips, lowering his hand, letting you continue. Once in the prison you had asked the guards to leave, they denied until Thor had ordered them to. Loki looked up confused with your visit. Sitting up from his laying position on the bed he was given.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” His voice was dull. He knew there was no point in being strong around you, you could read him as easily as the books he reads.

“I have a question, related to magic.” His eyebrows perked in curiosity.

“Magic? Well, you’ve come to the right place.”

“My abilities are evolving. I assume it’s my being here. I can now, not only read auras but sense them. And I think they’re still growing.”

“Well, this is the realm of magic, my dear. There are endless possibilities for the reasoning of your growth. But I would say your assumption is correct.”

“Would I be in any danger being here? Will my body be able to handle the change in my abilities.”

“That all depends on you. If you’re strong enough to sustain it, you will be fine. But if not, there is a certain danger to it.”

“Thor let me into the cell. I need to test something”

“Are you sure? He just said it’s dangerous”

“Only if I can’t handle it. I’ll stop before any permanent damage is done. Don’t worry so much. I’m stronger than I look.” Thor was hesitant but complied. Loki didn’t make a move to hurt you even with Thor on the outside. You sat in from of Loki with a chair, much like last time.

“Look, I’ve never done this before so if it hurts I’m sorry.”

“What are you going to do to me?”

“Just relax” You placed your fingers on his temples gently, closing your eyes. You tried to concentrate on him, his pain. You wanted to understand him more. Then you saw the tesseract and a purple titan with a deceiving smile. A tear rolled down your cheek as you searched for the cause of his pain. You saw auras within his memories. Those of his adopted family in happy memories turned sour. He believed his life was a lie. He didn’t want to love anymore, in fear he would get hurt again. He-.

You were brought back to reality, your hands were no longer on Loki’s temple but within his hands. You had caused him pain. Making him relive those memories. Thor had entered the room at this point. You still didn’t notice the tear on your cheek until Loki wiped it away.

“How- how did I see that?”

“That I’m not entirely sure of. It seems you hold abilities even more than you already possess”

“But I read auras, not emotions and memories.”

“I’m afraid you might be wrong there.”

“You are not doing that again” Thor demanded, voice deep.

“Why not? This would be the best way to heal your brother”

“Y/N you screamed as you cried. I do not think its best for you to continue. I shall call Stark and-”

“No! I- I need to continue”

“Y/N it will harm you”

“No, you don’t understand. I need to continue Thor. Not only am I helping Loki, but I’m expanding my knowledge of my powers. Who knows what other abilities I possess.” Excitement and urgency filled your tone, making Thor rethink his decisions. Was it wise to keep you here, letting you continue? Without his father’s knowledge? What was he thinking? He trusted you. He had to let you do this. You know the dangers, yet still want to continue, who was he to deny that.

“I shall not stop you if this is the path you choose. You cannot stop. You must continue forward until the very end” He lectured you as if you were entering battle.

“I know. But I trust my gut, Thor. This is something I have to do. There are no choices in this, no decisions that will change my mind. Its something I know that must be done” Thor nodded saying nothing more. You turned your attention back to Loki. He stayed silent, knowing exactly what you saw.

“Thor, leave us. Can you mute the cell? The barrier would have that ability I assume?” Thor huffed but nodded, answering your question as he left. He gave a thumbs up showing that he could no longer hear you, but you had to check. You knew what he was like. You turned and yelled.

“Thor is a giant asshole with an ego bigger than Tony!” Thor didn’t budge, but Loki stifled a laugh. You turned towards him and let out a giggle yourself.

“I had to check. He’s not very fond of us being alone together. Even if he can see us, he thinks you’ll manipulate me if he cant hear us.”

“And what makes you think I won’t.” He tried to shield himself again, going back to his trickster persona.

“I’ve seen your pain, your memories, Loki. You don’t have to hide anymore. Not with me. You hold no hatred for attacking my planet. I know you had no choice. That thing. The purple titan. He forced you to do it. I know you're not the monster they think you are.” You held his hand in a comforting way. Letting him know that he could trust you. His eyes searched yours for deceit. Anything that would show him that you would betray him like the rest of them. But he found nothing. He began to break.

“I didn’t want to do it. I thought I killed Thor. And I hated it. But I had to prove to him- to Thanos-”

“His name is Thanos?” His eyes shut briefly as he sighed.

“Yes. I had to prove my loyalty. He tortured me after he saved me. He needed me. The god presumed dead by his brother. No one would see me coming.” You nodded your head, listening to every word diligently. He poured his heart out, for the first time in his life. He was vulnerable. He told a Midgardian everything that was eating at his conscious. And during that whole ordeal, you didn’t say a word. You let him vent. It seemed as though you were a therapist of some kind to him. Once he stopped, he noticed your tears. You felt empathy, for him. No one had cared enough to ever listen to his words. But now, here you were, sat in front of him, crying. He didn’t know what to feel.

Thor was stood outside Loki’s cell the whole time. Not being able to hear a word. He saw that Loki was the only one speaking. He feared that Loki was trying to manipulate you, he went to interrupt before he saw your hand signalling him to calm down. You sensed his tension. You had to let him know you were okay. Loki wouldn’t open up if Thor interrupted. But when Loki stopped speaking and Thor saw your lips move, with tears in your eyes. He couldn’t take it anymore. He burst into the cell. You stood in defence at the sudden sound.

“What did you say to her Loki?!” Thor had misread the situation. You had to calm him down. You walked towards him, putting your hands up to try and calm him.

“Thor, I’m fine. He didn’t do anything” Thor barged passed you and went to punch Loki but you jumped in front of him taking the hit. You grunted as the force threw you to the wall. Thor pulled back, seeing your figure leaning against the wall. He resented himself for striking you, even if it was by accident. You looked up, holding your waist. The force you hit the wall at caused some more physical damage than the broken and bloody nose. Your other hand made it up to your nose to examine the damage. With the force of a god, you were lucky you were still conscious. Loki had come to your aid, helping you up while Thor was frozen, unable to believe his actions.

“Are you alright?” Loki’s voice showed concern. You kept hold of Loki’s shoulders to keep your balance. The thumping in your head didn’t stop you from yelling.

“You idiot! Thor, when will you learn that your actions have consequences! Stop and listen before attacking someone. It will get you out of so many unnecessary situations!” You removed your hand from your waist, placing it on your head. The shouting had made it worse.

“Damn it, Thor. I told you to trust me.”

“You were crying what was I suppose-”

“I was crying because he told me everything! I got so sad thinking ‘How could he live like that? How did he last so long?’ I cried because I have empathy, Thor.”

“I’m so sorry Y/N I-”

“Save it. I’m not mad. Just hurt.” You groaned in pain as you shifted your weight.

“Let me take you to a healer” Thor’s hands reached out to help you.

“Fine.” You removed your arm from Loki’s shoulders as Thor placed a hand under your knees, and the other on the small of your back before he lifted you. You looked at Loki and saw how hurt he was of your pain. He wanted to take you himself and check on you whenever he could. But as a prisoner, he wasn’t granted that freedom.

Taglist: @lovermrjokerr @lord-byron @lucywrites02 @violetica

[arthurflecksgirl]

Reader finds out she`s pregnant with Arthur`s child

@jaraysha1121 requested this one! Thank you so much for the lovely request!!! I really, really, really hope you will like the result :)

Arthur humming quietly into your ear was the perfect way to wake up in the morning. Smelling his hair, that felt tickelish into your face while he kissed you awake was. You just wished that all of this, his bed hair in the morning, him humming oldies in the kitchen while making coffee, his skin on yours at night, would never come to end end.

You have been together for one year now but it felt like you had known him before the beginning of time. Having him in your arms felt like holding the entire universe in your hands. Like anything was possible and there was nothing that you weren`t able to face together. Arthur was your muse, your inspiration. Your proof that no matter how cruel life has been to you, there is still hope to stay gentle at heart and to end up being loved. It was just the same the other way around. You ended up being Arthurs salvation. His soul mate. Everything he ever hoped for and daydreamed about. You and him. It was just fate.

"Hey Y/N. I made you some tea. I hope you feel better this morning? I noticed you couldnt find sleep tonight?" He handed you the cup "Careful, its still very hot." You took a careful sip and put it back on the table. " Arthur crawled back on the couch with you, so you took him under the green blanket. He softly kissed your cheek.

"Um...yeah well I feel better now" you lied.  You didnt wanted him to be worried about you, since Arthur worried about you a lot. Whenever he thought there was the slightest chance for you to get sick or cold or anthing that made you feel uncomforable. He would ask you every five minutes if you already felt better, which was beyond adorable, but still, you didnt wanted him to get worried, because after a while he tended to get nervous and anxious , and that wasnt good for his mental health and insomnia at all. So yo decited to try to hide it from him. But he just knew you so well.

"Are you sure, baby? You seem like there is something wrong? You didnt even ate your fave cookies yesterday. The plate is still full so... I got evidence!" He joked and pulled your nose. "No, I`m fine, Artie, really. I mean.I just woke up beside you. How on earth wouldnt I feel great?" You took another sip of tea.

"Yeah..." Arthur lit himself a cig and stared at the ceiling while his arm was wrapped around you "You know, I just wish we could do this more often. The sleepover.  But its very diffucult to hide you from my mother. I dont know how she would react if she knew that a girl was sleeping in the living room."

You nodded. It was obvious that Arthur loved his mum but he was also afraid to get into a confrontation with her. He would only confront her with anything if there was absolutely no other way to handle it. So you sneaked into his apartment when Penny was already asleep.

"Sooo what if she just wakes up and walks through the living room? She will notice me for sure."

Arthur shook his head while he took a deep drag of his cig "She will not wake up".

"What do you mean?"

"She took some sleeping pills yesterday. Well... I made her do it but...anyway..." he stroke your hair "Dont worry abut that okay? She will still be asleep for the next few hours for sure. And even if she will wake up, she would be so confused, you could just hide under the blanket and she wouldnt notice anything."

"I see... you thought of anything didnt you? I wonder what she would sayif she knew there was a girl on the couch."

Arthur leaned in to kiss your ear "Just think of what she would do if she knew what I did with this girl last night...?!"

You smirked "Yeah that was definitely helping with feeling better."

"So what do you think she would do?"

"She would tell you you`re a naughty boy"

Arthur put the cig in his pink ashtray and  kissed you passionately.

"Yeah...being naughty is fun isnt it?"

You nodded under the sweet pressure of his lips.

You tried to be as quiet as possible, even though he claimed that Penny wouldnt wake up.  She was still in the back of your mind. There was something about the thought of being caught that you really liked.

Arthur checked the clock "Oh. I gotta go to work now. I`m pretty late. " He got up from the couch and grabbed his clown gear. You stood up to change your clothes as you realized how your head was spinning. Arthur didnt noticed. He was distracted by checking his bag.  " We`ll see each other on Monday, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I will visit  when you get home from work. "

Arthur grabbed the keys "Great. I cant wait to see you again, sweetheart. Any plans for today?"

You opened teh door "Yeah I will visit my best friend over the weekend. We`ll be watching movies and stuff."

You both headed down the hallway and got into the elevator "Sounds like fun" Arthur smiled at you with so much love in his eyes. His tiney wrinkles made you want to cover his beautiful face with kisses.

"What?" he asked as he noticed you staring.

"Nothing....its just...I love you so god damn much!"

Arthurs cheeks turned red "Dito!" he said, gently touching your cheek before you said goodbye. You watched him running towards the subway station. He was really late.

Being in the elevator a minute ago made your dizzyness even worse. You closed your eyes for a moment, wondering if you might catched the flu. You felt sick to the stomach for about three days now and it didnt seemed to get any better.  Hopefully it wouldnt ruin the whole weekend. You knew that your best friend bought sweets and cake but you didnt felt like eating anything at all.

Thirty minutes later you arrived. Your best friend welcomed you with the warmest hug. She was the only one who accepted your love to Arthur. Most of your other friends thought he was weird for his laughter and for still living with his mother at the age of 35. You started to realize that some of those people didnt even deserved your friendship, especially they didnt deserved to get to know the wonderful man that Arthur was.

"Hey Y/N ! I`m glad you`re here. I`ve planned something for tonight. You will be excited to hear about it. How is Arthur doing?"

You got out of your jacket and sat down on the couch "He`s doing fine. Thank you for asking. He`s on some new meds and they are much better than the last ones he had."

"I`m happy to hear this. But you kno what his best medicine is? YOU. Imean it. He looks so much healthier since the two of you meet each other on a regular basis."

Hearing those words coming out of her mouth meants the world to you "Thank you so much. I appriciate that. The others dont understand...."

"Pffff" she headed to the kitchen and came back with a huge self made pizza "Dont listen to them. They are idiots. Every single one of them. Arthur is a nice guy and he is good for you. I can see the way you look at each other. There is so much love between you."

"Yeah. I really do love him. More than anything. I think he`s my soulmate."You smiled "I understand him.  And he gets me. We get each other. We dont even have to say anything. Its just....we know. We`re the same. "

"Heyyyyy check this out" she put the huge pizza on the table in front of you "Its self made. i`m kinda proud. We will kill this delicios thing this evening. What do you think?"

Just looking at the food made you feel sick again "Um.....yeah thats....great. It looks delicious"

Your friend put her hand on your forehead "Y/N. You look kinda pale."

"Yeah...I dont feel so well....its been this way for half a week now. I can barely eat something and I feel dizzy at times and just....weird. Like...I dont know my body and mind feel funny and....I dont know....I havent slept for days..." you started crying.

"Ohhh noooo why are you crying? Is there anything going on with Arthur you wouldnt tell me?"

You wiped a tear away "No. No really. He is fine. I`m just very sensitive these days. I`m not sure why.... maybe it was all to much with the others not respecting Arthur as my boyfriend. ...I dont know....Just stressed out emotionally I think.. But I will be fine."

Your friend told you  that you didnt have to eat anything if you dont feel like it, but two hours later you decited to give it a try and grabbed a piece of her selfmade pizza. After one slice you felt so bad you coudlnt hide it from your bestie anymore "Oh my god. I think I gotta go to the bathroom" you hurried up and closed the door behind you.

"Y/N? Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah....kinda....just...I`m just sick to the stomach. I think I catched the flu or something. maybe its better for me to go home. I dont want you to get infected."

Ten minutes later you got back into the living room again. She waited for you with a big grin on her face. Why would she make fun of you feeling sick?

"Feeling better?" the grin still lingering on your lips. It kinda hurt you to see her reaction.

"No. I think I`m gonna go home. I think I have to rest until I see Arthur again on Monday.  I dont want to cancel our date. He is looking forward to it. I`m sorry thatI ruined our weekend before it even started...."

She giggled.

"Why are you laughing? Cant you see I`m feeling like shit?"

She pointed at the empty place beside her "Si down Y/N. And calm down for a second. I dont think that you`re ill at all. You feel sick to the stomach, dizzy and emotionally sensitive.....Think about what it might be."

"I dont know what you are talking about!" you yelled

"Oh I see, currently very emotional with your  reactions."

"Yeah go ahead making fun of me" you replied with a dissappointed look on your face.

"Y/N. You and Arthur I mean....you want to stay together right?"

"Of course we do!"

"You love each other to death?"

"Yeah!"

She clapped her hands "So I think Monday will be even more special when he hears the news!"

"Which news?" you still didnt understood what she was all about.

"Y/N. My dear, you might be pregnant with Arthur`s child!"

The very second you heard her saying this your heart just stopped. You tried to think about the symptoms  but all you could think about was Arthur and how he would react if this was really true. You rubbed your dimples, tried to remember how one of your friends felt like when she got pregnant.  It really could be it.

"Oh my god..." you whispered.

"YES great news. I mean....if you really are this would be great news for you, right? Hopefully...I mean...did you talked about that? You and Arthur?"

Concentrating was hard "We did....I mean....a while ago he told me how much he loves kids and that he always wanted to have a family and .....I mean look at him when he is with kids. he would be a great dad. I know he would. "

"And how do YOU feel about it?" she asked.

"I...I`m not sure....I mean...I want to spent the rest of my life with him and...the thought of being a parent is stil kinda scare, isnt it? But...yeah I think I really want to have a kid with Arthur. He is the only man who ever made me feel this way. Its just overwhelming right now. The thought that it might happen NOW. But yeah...I would be happy about it for sure. " you started to cry. Your best friend hugged you tight "Shhhhhtt . Eighter way it will be good. What do you think about going to the pharmacy and get a test right now? So you dont have to ask yourself that question all day?"

You nodded. Knowing would help. You just had to know if your friend was right.

An hour later you couldnt stop your hands from shaking as you got back to your friends apartment. The pregnancy test in your hand felt surreal. You never did such a test before, so you sat down with her to read everything through.

"Are you ready?" she asked you.

You werent sure. How could anyone ever be ready for something like that? Deep down you knew that there was nothing to be afraid of. The more you thought about it, the more you wanted the test to turn out positive. You just felt deep in your heart that Arthur would be happy,too. There was only a slight chance that he would be too overwhelmed and scared. But then again, who wouldnt be?

"No. I`m not ready" you smiled while you said it out loud.

"But you are smiling! Thats a good thing. Take your time. We can do this tonight if you want."

You got up and headed to the bathroom "No. No. I really want to know now.  So I will have more time to think about how I will tell Arthur on Monday."

"Ha! You`re already talking like you are pregnant. I like that" her face lighted up.

And you realized that this was true. Somehow you suddenly felt like you already knew. Like everything was coming together. You imagined Arthur holding your baby for the first time. Imagined his big puppy eyes while trying to make his kid laugh. You already felt the love he was radiating as a dad. Your eyes started watering when you closed the door behind you. You followed the discriptions of the test and waited.

It wasnt long but it felt like a lifetime.

So many scenarios went through your head. Any possible reaction from Arthur. You checked the watch. It was time to take a look at the result. Your heart was beating fast. You didnt even knew how much you wanted a kid with him until now. You hoped for the test to be positive. So much it would even hurt you if it was not the case. This morning you didnt even thought of being a parent and suddenly it was all you could think about. Arthur as a dad. Arthur as the father of your child. What a wonderful life it would be! Not easy, but wonderful and worth living for.

Your shaky hand grabbed the test with eyes closed. One deep breath in. And another.

Okay.

Now.

Now you will know.

Postive. The test was positive. Arthur and you would be parents soon!

You wished for him to be here with you right now. A brief moment you felt regret for not making the test when he was there with you but anyway, you would make sure to surprise him in the sweetest way!

"Ohhh my god, you were right!" you screamed as you got out of teh bathroom "You were right!!!!"

Your friend ran towards you and held you tight "I knew. I just knew. I am so happy for you. Are you happy? You are feeling good, right? Oh my god!"

"Yeah, I...I am happy. So much happier than I thought I would be. I cant wait to tell Arthur the day after tomorrow. God, I dont even know if I can wait until then. But I have to because....I want the surprise to be perfect. And I gotta figure out how I will tell him the news!"

"You`re going to be a great mum Y/N. I just know. And Arthur is going to be the funniest daddy ever!"

You sat down on teh couch, dizzy but happy at heart "Wow,thats just...a lot to think about!"

Your friend told you to rest and made you a cup of tea to calm your stomach.  You realized that life would never be the same again after the kid would be born. But you wanted it. You wanted it all. With him. And him only.

It was so hard to no tell Arthur when he called you the next day. But you wanted to see his face when you told him. You wanted to feel his arms around you and this wasnt possible through the phone, so you waited for Monday evening.

You made sure that you arrived earlier than he would and put the pregnancy test into an envelope, so he would find it as soon as he checked the box for letters. He always did because his mum was waiting on a letter from Thomas Wayne for months now. Standing in the hallway was torture. You checked your watch at least twenty times until he finally arrived. Arthur was still wearing his clown make up. He carried his green wig and clown shoes in his big bag, looking tired. "Ohhhh honey. I`m so glad to be home. It was a long day at HaHas.  There was a kids birthday. I danced for at least three hours. But it was worth it. You should have seen the little boys face! God. I love making kids happy.....Y/N? Are you okay?"

"Arthur!" you jumped into his arms and felt him with all your senses.  "Yes I`m fine. Just so.....good to see you again and I missed you so much!"

A real smile was visible underneath his big, red fake smile "I`m happy to have you in my arms again,too. I missed you the moment you walked out of the elevator two days ago!"

Arhur grabbed his keys to open the letter box. That was the moment. In less than a minute he would know.

"A letter!" he mumbled "Maybe my mum finally gets what she was waiting for ."  He checked the envelope. "Wait....It says For Arthur....there is no stamp and....this is...your handwriting...?" he looked at you. The confused frown on his face made you want to kiss him so bad.

"Open it, darlin. please!"

Arthurs fingers felt that there was something in it.

"Darling, its not even my birthday." he joked "Did you got me a present?" he reached for what was in there and pulled it out.

Arthurs face froze for a moment. No reaction. Just him staring at the test and the little note that said "Soon we`re going to be a family! "

For a second your heart seemed to stop. Why didnt he say anything? Why wasnt he even moving? Was it bad news for him?

The envelope fell down to his feet as he covered his face with his hands. He was crying.

"A-Arthur? Darling?" you took a step closer to him. And another. Until you were able to put your arm around him. His tiney body was shaking.

"Arthur....please say something.

Seeing him cry now was torture. You were looking forward to this moment until you saw the test result and now he was crying in silence. He didnt even looked at you. His beautiful hands just covered his face while he was sobbing like a little boy.

"Oh Arthur, I thought....I really thought this would make you happy,too?!"

Arthur uncovered his face. His puffy eyes glanced at you with love "Are you kidding me Y/N? Of course I am happy. I was never happier in my whole life! Oh my god. I am....I never felt this way before. We are going to be a family! This is all I ever wanted in life. Thank you for making my dream come true!" Arthur fell into your arms. His head resting on your shouders  as tears of happiness ran down his face.

Now you started crying too.

"Oh god, I`m so glad. So reliefed. You`re going to be the best daddy ever. I love you so much, Artie! So incredibly much."

Arthur kissed you softly on the lips. Traces of his clown make up covered the corner of your mouth.

"You know what? Tomorrow I`m taking a day off and we`ll have a beautiful picnic in the park. Just the two of us. Out on a date to celebrate this! And when we`re back home, I´m going to tell my mum!"

You smiled "Your mum didnt even knew you had a girlfriend. She will be shocked."

"So what? Its our life! And our desicion. We will be looking for a new home anyway."

"Yeah" you wiped a curl out of his face.

"C`mon, honey, lets get in and relax for the night."

Arthur took you by the hand and soon you found yourself all cuddled up on the couch. Arthur on your side. Skin on skin. His breath behind your ear. His hand caressing your belly.

"So you think its going to be a boy or a girl?" he asked you while his fingers gently moved in circles. He lit some candles to make it even cozier for you.

"I dont know" you whispered "I would love a son who looks just like his father."

Arthurs hand on your tummy felt so calming. Like a charm that made your child feel loved.

"And I would love a daughter who is just as precious as her mother."

You smiled.

"I promise I will try my best to be a good dad. I will make our kid laugh as often as possible and teach him or her how to do magic tricks and I´ll dance to make the child feel better. I will try anything. to be.....good enough! I`m gonna take good care of our baby."

"I know you are going to be amazing. Who wouldnt love to have a funny clown as a father?"

Arthur leaned in to kiss you "I promise you, I will find a job as a stand up comedian so we can afford much more than now. I`m gonna make it work. "

"I know we will Arthur. The two....no. The three of us together."

Arthur pulled you even closer to his chest. The warmth of his body lulled you in as you drifted away into sleep. The last thing you`ve heard before your eyes closed was Arthur whispering "Sleep tight, little angel" while he placed his lips on your belly to kiss your child good night.

[moon-nymphet]

♡ Haikyuu!! comforting you when you are down headcanons ♡

hii so I’ve been feeling a bit down lately (I’m better now ♡) I wanted to write something fluffly even though it isn’t a request, I hope you enjoy this 

☆ Daichi

checking on your mental health every now and then, he’s so caring and worries a lot about something happening to you 

if you got a problem the first thing Dadchi will do is giving you your time if you are not feeling like talking about it in that moment

always analyzing the problem from an objective point of view and trying to be the most sincere he can without hurting your feelings 

in an extreme case in which the problem has no solution, Daichi will be the best at making you feel better

this man knows the exact words to calm you down and is super supportive with you 

he’ll just hold you between his arms and let you cry it out if you need it while he strokes your hair and whispers sweet things to you

it makes him extremely sad to see you cry (to the point in which he’ll almost cry too) but he knows that sometimes it’s the only thing that can make us feel better

no doubt Daichi will stay the night with you if he sees you are not in the right condition for letting you alone, and he’ll do it with pleasure

worries a lot and tries to make you eat and keep your hygiene as a regular day 

“I know this is a hard time y/n, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you, whatever you need, nothing is too much when it comes to you love” he said holding your hands and looking at you

yes, hearing Daichi say those words made you cry again, but this time it wasn’t sadness, it was just that his words touched your heart like nothing had before 

☆ Kenma 

it’s pretty obvious but the little cat is not the best at words and expressing feelings, of course he doesn’t do it on purpose

but he still has his little heart with his feelings inside you know 

when you feel bad you can see Kenma doing a great effort to show you how much he cares 

the moment you less expect it, you’ll notice his arms wrapping around you in a soft and sweet hug 

the dark cloud you had in your head seems to clear a bit for a while 

his eyes closed and his forehead against yours (this is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen)

Kenma will completely forget about his videogames during the time you are feeling that way, he’ll only pay attention to you 

he’s so nervous and worried about you and you will see him checking on you more often that you think 

even if it’s just a little “hey y/n, you okay?” as he shows up in the door frame for a sec 

little babey is so pure and doesn’t want to overwhelm you by constantly asking so he just observes without approaching a lot of times, but you are aware of this so you feel thankful anyway

“y/n... I just wanted to tell you a thing” you hear Kenma’s shy voice

“what is it?”

“i-i love... I love you, so please let me take care of you...” 

your heart melting at his words, there’s no need to ask twice, you’d let him do anything he wanted with you 

☆ Oikawa

i’m sorry to say this but he’s not the best at guessing people’s feelings because he’s a cocky ass ??? 

you’ll have to tell him when you are not feeling well unless it’s obvious enough for Toruu to notice himself 

but he really tries to figure out what is happening to you and to look for a solution together

not the best at comforting words and advice, but Oikawa will give his best to cheer you up 

either by being the goofy ass he is, or by surprising you with something you wanted for a long time 

despite of all that of course he has a soft and sweet side which will make him stay by your side 24/7

this is so sweet from him, Toruu tries to talk to your friends and ask them to plan something along with him to make you feel better and surprise you 

despite of his self-centered personality he cares more about you than he does about himself and it breaks his heart to see you suffering and feel powerless about it

can blame himself sometimes if you don’t improve in a short period of time, but he won’t mention it because he doesn’t want to make you feel even worse 

long and warm hugs before he leaves your house (if he ever leaves because that’s going to be difficult...), and lot of texts when he’s not around to make sure you are okay 

“hey babe, this is all going to be over soon, okay? I’m always gonna be by your side despite of my shitty skills in comforting...” he says lifting your chin up for you to look at him before plating a sweet kiss on your lips 

☆ Sugawara

definitely the best at comforting he’s mother of seven teenager boys what else could you expect

he seems to have a radar for detecting when you are feeling down (or maybe he just knows you so well...)

you literally cannot hide it from him and you already know that, so it useless to tell him that nothing is wrong when there actually is something wrong

Suga handles it in such a mature way, you won’t see him getting nervous if he notices you are not doing well 

“let’s leave y/n, you need to rest now” he’ll say if you are somewhere, just taking your hand and walking towards your house

already at home, Koushi will prepare tea for you and cuddle with you on the couch quietly until you are more calmed 

“wanna talk about it honey?” his thumb caressing your cheek as his eyes are fixed in your face

in case you feel like talking, Suga’ll listen to you quietly, waiting for you to end to give you his opinion and advice 

but if you don’t he’ll be completly okay with it and will limit himself to comfort you

he’ll most likely take you to bed and snuggle up to you, tickling and caressing every inch of your body with his soft hands and pecking your face occasionally 

“I love you endlessly y/n, you cant count on me anytime you need me, and it’s going to be this way forever baby”

[joannie95]

Before You Go

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader platonic Steve Rogers x Reader platonic 

Summary:  Sometimes all you need is for someone to ask “are you okay?”

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: Talk of depression and mental health, talk of death, angst 

A/N:I actually wrote something its some sort of miracle. seriously though im sorry for not updating legacy, work has gotten very stressful lately and that has been my main focus. Ill try to write more but I cant make any promises and I hope this story makes up for it.

A/N; This story was inspired by before you go by Lewis Capaldi. This story means a lot to me because at one point in my life I have had thoughts similar to the ones i wrote about. Thank you to @mo320 for proofreading 

Bucky's pov

"I hate her"

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. Why did she have to leave, why couldn't she just tell me what was wrong instead she decided to leave me."

"Bucky are you listening to yourself right now? You're making this about you, you're not mad that she left you're mad that you didn't see what was going on with her."

Maybe Steve had a point. She always seemed so happy and I was so preoccupied with what was happening in my life that I didn't see that she was hurting.

Y/N's pov

You looked at your reflection in the mirror and tried to compose and make yourself presentable for the day. You can feel that you're dying inside, you feel like you'd be a burden on your friends if they knew how you felt so all the hurt and all the pain is being pushed down for you to deal with on your own. You are brought back to reality when you hear a knock at the door, you wipe away the tears you didn't notice had fallen.

You walk to your front door but before opening it you put on your most believable smile. As soon as the door is open your best friend Bucky walks in with a bag of takeout in his hand. 

He places the bag on your coffee table and slumps down on your couch. "She was supposed to be the one, we could have been so happy together but instead I find her kissing some random guy."

You walk over to the couch and sit next to him, he lays his head on your lap and you run your fingers through his hair and chuckle. "Quit being dramatic, you went on 3 dates and she told you it wasn't serious. And that "random" guy was her ex, they broke up a month ago and we all knew they were bound to get back together once they got their heads out of their ass."

He sits back up and places his head on your shoulder as you lightly stroke his arm. "Yeah i know, it's nice to dream though."

You sit up and look at him. "Come on no moping, let's eat, get drunk and watch movies all night. What do you say?"

He laughs at your eagerness. "Alright fine." He picks up the remote and finds a movie. "you're always so happy and make everything better, how do you do it?"

A lot of practice you think to yourself. You smile and hope he believes this false front you're putting up.

You spent your day off at home, you tried so hard not to let your thoughts get to you. But once again you failed, you're a failure you couldn't even manage to get out of bed. What's the point of trying anymore if you'll never be good enough. The ringing next to you brings you back to reality, you see Bucky's name on the screen and answer hoping the cheery tone in your voice is enough to make him think you're fine. "Hey Buck, what's up? 

"Nothing much really, long day at work and I just want to forget it. I was wondering if you wanted to go out to a bar tonight." 

You hesitated, not really feeling up for human interaction at the moment. "I don't know, I'm kinda tired. I've been cleaning all day."

"Please y/n, it's been a long day and I just want to hangout with my best friend and have a fun night."

You don't want to but if you say no then maybe he'll find other friends that do want to go out and have fun. Then you'll be alone but maybe you deserve to be alone, maybe...

"Y/N. So what do you say?'

You let out a breath. "Yeah why not."

"Awesome you're the best. I'll pick you up in an hour."

You force yourself out of bed and make yourself presentable enough so you don't embarrass Bucky. 

You and Bucky have been at the bar for nearly an hour. The night started out well, you let him lead the conversation and kept a smile on your face but you're noticing his attention is elsewhere. "Bucky, did you hear me?"

"What?" He turns back to you quickly. "Yeah you were saying?"

"I asked if you're alright, you seem distracted."

He looked towards the other side of the bar before bringing his attention back to you. "I'll be right back."

Before you had time to object he was gone. You saw him walking towards a tall blond with bright green eyes. Of course, she was gorgeous and you were well, just you. He was probably embarrassed to be seen with you. You pulled your shoulders in wishing you were invisible.

About 15 minutes later Bucky came walking back with a big smile on his face. "Hey doll I hope it's alright but i'm gonna head out." He looked back at the girl a few feet behind him. "Will you be alright getting home?"

You tried not to look disappointed, you understood he'd rather spend time with anyone but you. Like second nature you put a smile on your face to hide the truth. "Of course, have fun. I'll talk to you later." 

"Thanks your the best." He kissed your forehead before quickly leaving with his new date. 

You turned back around in your seat and willed yourself not to cry. You paid your tab and wiped the tear that was about to fall before rushing out of the bar. You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't hear someone calling you till you felt a hand on your shoulder and you jumped in fear. You turned around and saw your friend Steve.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I was calling you but you didn't hear me, are you okay? I saw Bucky leaving with someone before I had the chance to say hi."

"Yeah I'm fine, I was tired anyways just ready to head home."

"Okay." He noticed the look on your face. You were smiling but your eyes seemed so sad, it seemed familiar to him. "well let me at least walk you home, it's late and I'd feel better making sure you got home safe."

"You don't have to do that, I'm fine. You should go enjoy your Friday night." He's probably pitying you, you're nothing but a burden to him. 

"Please. I just want to make sure you're okay."

You nod and quietly continue walking home.

After some time Steve speaks up. "Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you're doing."

You try and act calm. "I'm fine Steve, just a lot of work is all. Nothing you should worry about."

"That's the thing though I am worried. The way you've been acting is the same way my dad used to act. He tried to put up this tough front and act like he was fine but he wasn't. There were days when he just couldn't get out of bed, at the time I didn't understand what was wrong. He needed help but he didn't want to admit it."

You came to a stop in front of your apartment building. You wiped away the tears that were starting to form as Steve continued to speak. 

"You have the same look on your face as he did when you think you people aren't looking. I regret not asking him this, it's too late for him but not for you." Tears were forming in his eyes as he was reliving the memories of losing his dad. "I need you to tell me, are you okay and what can I do to help you?"

You started to shake your head, you didn't want to put your problems onto him. Steve had enough going on in his life, how dare you burden other people with your problems.

Almost as if he knew what you were thinking he pulled you into a tight hug. "I promise you are not a burden to me or any of your friends, we love you and we just want to help."

The dam broke and once you started crying you couldn't stop. "It hurts everyday Steve and it won't stop. I try my hardest to be strong but I can't do it anymore. I can't act like I'm okay when I'm dying inside. I hate myself and I hate that I'm causing you problems. I just, I feel worthless and I can't."

"You need help, it's the only way things will get better. You can't let this eat away at you till you can't take it anymore, we can't lose you. It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless."

Steve stays over that night, you talk and understand the best thing for you to do is move back home with your dad in Seattle and get the proper help you need. You call your dad and apologize for waking him up before explaining the situation, he's more than happy to welcome you back home. You and Steve spend the rest of the night making a plan. You'll take what's most necessary to Seattle and leave the rest in storage until you're ready, if you're ever ready to return to New York. 

You don't see or hear from Bucky again till a few days later. By then you're all packed up and ready to leave waiting for your cab to arrive. He pulls up to your building and sees you hugging Steve and suitcases by your side.

"Thank you for everything Steve, I didn't realize how much help I really needed if it weren't for you."

"Of course, I just want you to be okay. Don't be afraid to call me if you ever need to talk and I promise to visit." He turns around when he hears a car door close and sees Bucky walking towards the both of you. "I think i should get going now, call me when you land." With that said he walks towards his car and greets Bucky before driving off.

Bucky walks towards you confused about the situation. "Hey, what's going on? Are you going on a trip you didn't tell me about?"

"I'm going home to Seattle Bucky." Your grip tightens on your suitcase handle.

"To visit? How long are you going for?"

You let out a breath. "No, I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."

"Wait, what do you mean." He started to raise his voice at you. "Were  you just going to leave without telling me? How can you do this to me? We're supposed to be best friends."

"Yes we are supposed to be best friends so tell me why you never notice something was wrong. Bucky, if we were really best friends you would have noticed how depressed I am. I felt, I feel like I'm dying inside some days but you're so preoccupied with your love life you couldn't be bothered to notice. Look Bucky, I care about you and I want you to be happy but right now I need to focus on me and I can't do that here."

He started to cry once he knew the truth. "I'm sorry, i'm sorry I didn't notice but please don't leave me."

Your cab pulled up and it was time to leave, the driver took your bags and you asked him to give you a minute. You pulled Bucky to the side. "I'm sorry but I have to go now. I hope I can be well enough one-day to come back but for now I can't be here." You pull him into one last hug and kiss his forehead before letting go. 

Before you get into your cab with tears in his eyes he speaks up. "Before you go. Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?"

"Honestly, all you had to do was ask are you okay?" And with that you left, hopefully one day soon you'd be able to return as a better person in a better place. 

@agentmarvel13 @1v-kayla @5sos-wdw @a-dancing-hufflepuff @agent-barnes40 @agreatcheesecakestudentstuff @annoylinglyaries @antclottz @avngrsinitiative @bradfordsgreekgod @babypink224221 @captainam-erika-trash @carisi-sonny @caseymcflurry @chook007 @cosmiccomicloverqueen @daniellajocelyn @doctoranon @ecamille-xo @editsbyjenny @ellieababy @eternaleviee @futuremissstark @geeksareunique @gummiwormsandonedirection @henrietteoaks @hermionie-is-my-queen @imahoeforbucky @ineedmorefanfics @isabella-bby @jaemingold @jamessbarnnes @junitorials13 @katykyll @keenmarvellover @klanceiscannon14 @lady-sigyn @littlephoenix-fire @lovemarvelousfics @l0kisbitch @luckyfiction17 @ludwigvonbaethoven @maddie-laufeyson @magnificentsoulecollector @mikariell95 @mistressoftorture  @moli1497 @nanajaeminniee @orderoftheflamingflamingos @oxodianaoxo @paintballkid711 @pastelpurplexoox @peteyparkersbabyy @princessizzy36 @shallowshawn @sillydecoy @spodermanpete @starstruckgardenstudentzonk @stuckyandsciencebros @superhero2552 @thatharrypotterfan13 @thatweirdchick147 @the-ducks-umbrella @tienna-laufeyson16 @trustme3-13 @wishiwasanavenger @xalinx @yougottalovefandoms @zaza-jones @izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash @angstysebfan @rarelikesel

[sparkie96]

How do you feel about an AU Chreon, Leon's 9 months pregnant and has been kidnapped, And Chris comes to save him but he going into labor... and their B.O.W's (I got the idea from some movie I've seen about a deaf girl and her mom going into labor in the bathroom... I can't remember the name of it, but it's good) Sorry this is so long, I hope you enjoy it :)

(Yeah, I’m not really good at that kind of stuff and that movie made me a bit uncomfortable so...

I have a preview of an upcoming fic if that makes up for it?)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And yet, here he was, in a hospital room with a peeved and annoyed Omega. The peace was over and the old Leon was back, glaring at Chris as he held their son, feeding the baby. He couldn’t read Leon as easily as he could before, the Omega’s body language a bit more difficult to decipher than before. Leon’s eyes were obviously angry, but at the same time, it looked like the scowl he always wore. 

The doctors and nurses fluttered in and out of the room, checking on Leon and the baby, offering to fetch Leon food and running tests just to make sure both the mother and child were in perfect health. They acknowledged Chris as well, of course, asking if he needed anything and how he felt about being a new father. 

“You two must be so happy!” One of the nurses gushed, “Congratulations!” 

Leon merely hummed in reply, not looking Chris in the eye at the moment and instead focused on the little television at the foot of the bed, watching whatever it was that they had put on for them. Either way, he couldn’t look Chris directly in the face without wanting to punch him in it. The nurses and doctors finally gave them privacy, congratulating them once more before closing the door behind them, going out to tend to the other patients.

It was quiet, neither speaking to the other. Chris cleared his throat, trying to get Leon’s attention, but the Omega deliberately ignored him. Ollie cooed as he fed from his mother, Leon gently pulling him off to burp him. Chris watched intently, making sure Leon didn’t try anything that would end up hurting the little baby. Or maybe he was watching out of his own paranoia, to make sure Leon didn’t try to pull something that would end up hurting Chris. 

“So…” Chris began, “Ollie is absolutely perfect.” 

Leon raised his brows for a moment, but said nothing in reply, rocking the baby in his arms slowly. His attention was focused solely on the little one, pretending Chris wasn’t right there in his space. He was afraid he might do something he might regret if he looked up at the elder.

Chris sighed, “You’re mad at me.” 

“You think?” Leon asked with a dark chuckle, “Boy, I can’t imagine why!” 

“Hey! You can’t be mad at me! I wasn’t the one who assisted an international terrorist!” Chris hissed. 

“She was a key fucking witness, you Fuckwit!” Leon argued, “You let the actual terrorist walk free and then had me fucking facilitated! And then, you fucking took me to your home and fucking took advantage of me!"  

“One: Ada has been involved with numerous terrorist organizations and worked with the likes of Wesker and Neo-Umbrella. You could have apprehended her at any time, but each time you let her walk after you two exchanged goo-goo eyes and played Patty-Cake! Two: Simmons is clean, we found nothing. Three: You had yourself facilitated! That was on you!” Chris hollered, the commotion disturbing Ollie’s nap and making the baby cry loudly, "And I took you home because no one else would-!"

Before they could go any further, another nurse came back with Leon’s lunch, both Chris and Leon freezing and looking at the nurse. The man apologized for interrupting them, asking if everything was alright in here. Cold blue orbs met equally cold brown briefly, exchanging angry looks as Chris gave a nod, and a faux smile, telling the nurse that everything was just peachy. They were just having a conversation...a very loud conversation and had accidentally woken the baby from his nap. 

The nurse beamed, setting the tray of food down on the little side table next to Leon’s hospital bed. Leon gave his own faux smile, noticing the nurse examining him. The man canted his head, asking Chris if Leon was one of those facility Omegas. He recalled Chris mentioning it prior to the baby’s birth, saying that Leon was one and had been prepared for these kinds of things. 

“Oh...yeah. He is.” Chris confirmed, “Why? Is there something wrong?” 

The nurse looked to Leon again, the Omega clearly confused and annoyed, “I don’t know...but aren’t those types of Omegas supposed to be...happy and sunshine and rainbows twenty-four-seven? Leon seems a bit more...doom and gloom. During the birth, he seemed a tad...feral.” The nurse explained. 

Chris scoffed, “What? No! He was in pain! Of course he seemed feral! Birth isn’t exactly a ticklish process! He’ll be fine once I get him back home! Right, Leon?” 

Leon looked between the nurse and Chris, giving an even bigger smile and a nod, looking more unhinged than friendly, “Absolutely! I am absolutely ecstatic about the birth of our precious baby boy! I cannot wait to go back to my Omega duties and care for my mate and child!” 

The nurse raised a brow, a bit disturbed at the unnatural smile Leon wore and the overly happy and kind of robotic tone that Leon spoke with. He merely shook his head, mentally saying that maybe he was just a bit too tired due to the long shift. He apologized for his prodding and congratulated them on the birth of their child before excusing himself from their hospital room. 

Chris gave Leon a look, “Yeah...I think that was definitely convincing. Not at all suspicious…” he said sarcastically. 

“Oh, fuck off.” Leon said with a sigh, digging into his lunch. 

________________________________________________________________

Leon and Ollie were kept overnight, Chris not leaving their side for even a second. Leon asked exactly what had happened between now and China, saying that his memory had been really fuzzy after China. He could only minimally remember the facility, up until a certain point. And then it was nothing but painful white noise, drawing a blank.

Chris held Ollie as he contemplated telling Leon the truth. He then told him what had happened without going too in depth with the details, saying that Ada Wong and Neo-Umbrella had been disposed of, Ada having been killed by suits in a helicopter and the facilities in the gulf had been taken care of. Piers had been lost in the process...thanks to Ada's pet project, but they had been in the process of looking for him, saying that it was possible that he could still be alive. Or at least locate a body so his family could have a body to bury in New England. 

Then, there had been news that Leon had gone "feral" and due to his behavior, the courts and DSO had facilitated him. Helena had been incarcerated for assisting Leon and Ada in the attacks and agents within the DSO had been arrested as well for helping and colluding with Neo-Umbrella operatives, including Ingrid Hunnigan for assisting Helena and Leon after Tall Oaks. 

Leon listened intently, feeling sick to his stomach at the news. Christ...he failed Helena, Hunnigan, Adam, the people of Tall Oaks...and even Ada. Christ, how had Simmons gotten away with all of this? Why would Ada do this? Wasn't she above all that? 

"As for the facility bit...they had me fill out paperwork and then made me wait two to three months until you were "Fixed" and showed up at my doorstep all Stepford Housewife out." Chris explained, "What do you remember happening?" 

Leon tried to remember but grunted, holding his head in pain. He tried...he really did, but he only had small flashes of memory, the sound of a machine, a loud whining sound...bright fluorescent lights...almost like...Christ! Why the Hell did his head hurt so much? Why couldn't he remember?

"I don't know...I can't remember…" Leon admitted, "Head hurts like a bitch to try…" 

Chris hummed, "That might be due to the electro shock therapy they put you through while you were there." He explained, "You showed up with these marks on both of your temples, and Dr. Policki said that it was all part of your treatment." 

"Yeah, cause that's legal…" Leon replied sarcastically, "So...when can I go home?" 

"You and Ollie will be dismissed tomorrow morning if all the tests look good and you feel good enough to do so." Chris explained. 

"And what about you?" Leon asked, wondering if the Alpha had previously understood what Leon had been implying. 

Chris caught on, "You don't have an apartment to go back to...or a job. They ransacked the apartment and your office...you live with me now for a reason." He reminded him, "Legally, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, I own you." 

"I'm not property." Leon growled, "I should be able to come and go as I please." 

"Not anymore." Chris pointed out, "Not after all the shit you've been involved with. You were considered a threat to the public...hell, you're technically still a threat now that the hypnosis wore off. The government stripped you of everything and declared you feral." 

Leon scoffed and shook his head at Chris, asking the man if he was serious. Chris only gave him a look, saying that he was dead serious and Leon wasn't going anywhere unless he had an escort or Chris was with him. He was lucky to be allowed to go outside at all. Leon argued that he wasn't a threat...because he didn't have anything to do with the Tall Oaks incident. Yes, he shot the president, but the man had already turned by the time he did so, and he even hesitated when he did so. That it was Simmons who was behind everything. 

Chris shook his head, waving Leon off, "Leon, enough." He said sternly, "The BSAA and the DSO have their evidence that you and Agent Harper colluded with Ada Wong and caused all of this. From Edonia, to Tall Oaks." 

Leon narrowed his eyes, "What...the Hell is Edonia?" He asked, sounding genuinely confused. 

Chris sighed and shook his head again, "I don't want to talk about it. Not now." 

"Why? How can I be responsible for any of that if-?" 

"Enough!" Chris repeated, "I don't...just, for once in your life, shut up. Please." 

"No! You're accusing me of something I didn't do! I was arrested for shit I had no involvement in and now you, a man I thought I could trust, won't even let me explain myself!" Leon protested. 

"What is there left to explain?" Chris asked, "We have all the evidence. The DSO does too and you've already been convicted, done your time and now you're serving your sentence. Just stop before you make things worse for yourself." 

Leon let out an over exasperated growl of frustration, choosing to shut up and sit back in the bed. He crossed his arms and merely glared up at Chris. The Alpha gave a sigh and relaxed in his seat, looking from Ollie to the Omega, watching Leon. 

This wasn't going to be smooth sailing from here on out.

[depressed-x-bitch]

!!!trigger warning!!! this is a rant that mentions suixide, if you’re triggered by that please do not read!!! i love you and you matter!

i feel really weird. tomorrow it’ll be 2 years since i tried to kill myself and im not quite sure what to make of it or what to think of it. its weird to think its already been so long, and that i had so much hope for 2020. i had so much fucking hope that was just destroyed in front of me with each passing day that its almost surprising im still here. i dont know what happened. i never felt like i knew myself before, but at least i had an idea. now i look in the mirror and don’t even know the person im staring back at. i feel like im in such a weird phase of my life and i just want it to end. I want to move out of my parents house, i cant stand living with them. it feels like they’re holding me back from becoming the person i want to be. and honestly,, im mad. im mad at my parents. im mad at my parents for not doing their job. they had one fucking job when they brought me into this world, and it was to give me their time and effort to raise me to be a healthy woman, and im just not sure if they did that. i wont sit here and try to paint my parents as complete failures, because i know they love me, i know they care, i know they try, but its just not enough. they weren’t absent parents, they were there, i always had food, a warm home, and clothes on my back, thats not the department they lack in. they lack having and emotional connection with their child. my dad is pretty much oblivious to whats going on with me, he knows i have depression and everything, and always asks how i am or if im fine, but i can never actually tell him how i feel because he’s already ruined that opportunity when i was a kid by getting mad at me and yelling at me every time i didn’t answer him because i was too scared to answer. he got mad over small things because he has anger issues and it always really scared me, he even got mad at me once because he asked how i was and i told him i was fine but he didn’t believe me, and i was still very young at the time. he once got so mad he was screaming at me for like 5 minutes while i hid behind the couch by my door crying, waiting for him to finish yelling at me so i could go to my room and hide away from him while i sobbed. i remember after that, i sat behind my door sobbing, and that was the first time i ever thought about hurting myself. i was 8.. then my mom is, to put it simply, a bitch. she treats me like her little baby, but treats my cousin (who she WILLINGLY took in) like her personal fucking punching bag. then my other cousin she took in (he is very young) gets to call HER mom, but she is virtually NEVER here to take care of him. she doesn’t play with him, she barely does anything with him. but thats not a surprise to me because she didn’t play with me much when i was younger either, yet she was still my favorite because my dad scared me. (my dad is my favorite now because i can actually stand being around him sometimes, unlike my mom) she always has something snarky to say, shes judgy, and god forbid you need or want something in a timely manner. she always tries to hug me randomly and talk to me when im literally just walking around the house or trying to do something. its really annoying to be randomly forced into a hug when im not in the mood and im trying to do something. she forced me to go to psychiatrist appointments where she and the doctor had to try and pull any information out of me, i was made to take anti-depressants because they knew something was wrong, but not what.  i eventually switched doctors and made her stop coming in the room because i couldn’t talk with her around. but there was a time before the appointments where i was constantly trying to stay home because i was depressed and i always had to talk to her about staying home, and she would ask me what was wrong, and i tried to explain it but shes just not a good listener. it felt like all she was trying to do was solve the problem, she kept telling me things i needed to do that would “help me feel better” (exercise, taking vitamins, getting birth control etc, ik these help but you have to realize i was at a point in my depression where it was hard to just get out of bed, its a problem beyond that) and kept dismissing my feelings. it never felt like she listened because she really cared, it felt like she was just trying to get a quick solution, like she was just solving a problem. and then around march 2020 she stopped making my appointments randomly (without telling me!!!!) so eventually around july the question came up about what happened to my appointments and she said “well you seemed fine” so then around september or october i asked her to make me an appointment, she didn’t get to it until like november. got put back on my anti-depressant, so i asked her to go get the prescription for me. she couldn’t get it. and why couldn’t she do that, and why did it take so long for her to make an appointment ?  oh,, she was TOO BUSY. the pharmacy is on your way to work, you don’t work weekends, and the phone call to make an appointment doesn’t even last 5 minutes. but no, you were too busy to care about your daughters declining mental health. if she really hated how i hurt myself so much, you would fucking think she would take me seriously when i ASKED her for appointments. i asked you for help, my fucking MOM, the one person who is supposed to be there to help me no matter what, to help me, and she just couldn’t do it. she wonders why i treat her the way i do, and i have a fucking LIST of reasons. because she disappointed me, because i had hope she’d be there and she just wasn’t. shes too caught up in her own feelings and emotions that she don’t consider how others feel. i understand shes the adult, but she acts like the child. it always about what she wants, not what other people need. everyone thinks they’re good parents from the outside, but once you take a closer look and start to dive in, you’ll see that the best thing you can label them as is “mediocre parents” in conclusion, i can’t wait for the fucking day i move out of this hell-hole i call home.

[shuatoyou]

sadpossiblyd*pressed!jihoon + “i need you” + “just hang in there, okay?”

best friend ! jihoon x reader

angst

tw: panic attack, mental health issues

if you ever feel like you aren’t wanted or if things too much sometimes pls don’t hesitate to reach out to someone around you. oomfs you can also dm me whenever <3

thank you for sending a request kristen i hope this one is okay i wasn’t sure where to start and it was like 5 am. ily

“jihoon? are you home?” you step into the house with curiousity as to why the door was left open.

you were there to visit your best friend!jihoon considering you both had no time to see eachother previously and that made you sad. you had missed him a lot.

“jihoon?” you could feel your heart racing slightly in worry.

wandering through the house which looked completely okay no signals of someone breaking in which you crossed one worry off your mental list however you felt yourself walking towards a cry followed by sniffles and things falling onto the floor.

it was coming from the bathroom and you sped up your pace to get to the part of the house you had heard sounds from much quicker, reaching the door, you attempt to open it but no luck there. leaning into the door you call out hoping for some sign of your friend.

“jihoon?” you repeat like the previous times and this time you’re greeted with a louder cry which shocks you and breaks your heart at the same time.

“jihoon i know you’re in there please open up are you okay?” you’re knocking on the door hoping for something now.

“i don’t want you to see me like this y/n please go.” jihoon pleads voice breaking at eachother word.

“i’m not leaving i’ll wait until you want to come outside to me jihoon or let me in at least.”

“i’ll be sitting here jihoon okay?” you call out to the figure sat behind the door before stepping back and sitting cross legged on the floor across the bathroom door which was locked to your knowledge of attempting to pull it open before.

you helplessly listened to your best friends painful sobs causing you to shed a few tears yourself.

meanwhile jihoon was struggling to get himself together with a strong grip on the sink hoping for some stability as he tried to get through the uninvited panic attack.

“just hang in there, okay?” you mumble to towards the door shaking your head with tears falling.

he heard the pain and worry in your voice causing him to breakdown even more feeling bad for you more than he was for himself.

maybe it was a few minutes, maybe longer, before the door clicked letting you know it was finally unlocked.

you stand up in a blink could and cautiously push the door open to jihoon sat on the toilet seat with his whole body bent over his knees and his eyes not once looking up to meet yours.

“jihoon...” you softly speak out kneeling down in front of him bringing your hands up to his face to gently lift it up.

you search his sparkling eyes only to discover nothing but sadness and distress. eyes red and tears dried. you couldn’t help but feel a few emotions at his state but you knew breaking down directly in front of him wouldn’t help his situation.

you pull him into a tight hug feeling his arms weakly wrap themselves around your figure.

“i’m sorry y/n” jihoon sobs into your shoulder now.

“no don’t be sorry. i’m sorry i wasn’t here sooner.” you emphasise on the ‘im’ looking up trying to force tears back in.

“you couldn’t have known...”

it takes jihoon a while to pull away from your hug but you let him decide when anyways. you look at the tears staining his cheeks and immediately made the decision to get up and get a small towel out from the cupboard under the sink allowing some water to spill out from the tap onto the cloth.

you return to your best friend to wipe off the dry patches of tears with the lightest touch in fear of hurting him somehow.

“why are you here?” jihoon finally spoke up startling you in the slightest.

“i wanted to see you. i missed you” you give him a small smile putting down the towel as he finally looked up and at you. his eyes filled with unspoken apologies.

“i wish you didn’t have to see me like this i’m sorry y/n”

“stop apologising. you’ve seen me at my worst a lot too” you joke.

“we can talk whenever you are ready.” the words give jihoon the reassurance he perhaps needed.

“the world has it out for me.” jihoon begins and you stop, putting down the towel to listen.

“i cant do anything enough i don’t see the point in any of the things i do anymore y/n. i feel so unwanted. without a purpose you know. does that even make sense?” jihoon looks down after blurting out so many words at once. making you frown and lift his head up once again with your hands.

“but you’re doing great... you are making so many of us proud. i am so happy to call someone as amazing as you my best friend” you begin comfortingly. “and i know i need you, so do many others. please don’t think that way.” you pull him into another hug again this time lasting for a lot less longer.

“that means the world coming from you” jihoon gives you a weak smile before continuing. “i’ve cried so much today oh my god.”

you return the smile, lifting yourself up from the cold tiles of the bathroom and gently pull jihoon up.

“i’ll give you a minute to yourself, when you’re done come to the living room we can watch movies and eat take out okay?”

jihoon nods and so you do as you said, walking out leaving the boy alone momentarily, he needed to show you how much he appreciated you more often.

[yeoldontknow]

15 questions tag game

tagged by @chillingtae to do this fun game. thank you so much bright angel!! <3 i dont think ive ever seen questions like these around here so this is fun <3 

placing this under a cut because it is long !

1. It’s your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

uhm...im an old bean, and ive found that over time ive stopped asking for things necessarily and request more experiences. time spent with people matters more to me than items - i can pretty much buy things on my own if i want them. if im asking for anything id ask for money to put towards bills or savings or trips. this year i asked my parents for some money to convert to yen before i went to japan, which they gave me. of my friends, i asked if we could go for dinner and drinks which was a lovely evening <3 

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

song = Kvrt in Space by Fraunhofer Diffraction

album = 1 Billion Views by EXO-SC

3. What is your go to snack when you’re hungry or bored?

depends on my energy level. usually chips and veggies with hummus because i dont have to make anything. my ultimate snack is popcorn so i have to be careful about how often i have it because i could eat an entire trucks worth and not feel the least bit guilty.

4. What is your morning routine?

check emails. text parents. catch up on group chats. roll out of bed and wash up. feed the cat. start the day!

5. What mythical/cryptic creature would you be?

god probably some bog witch or oracle on a mountain

6. How do you interact with someone that you don’t like?

i dont. if they are interacting with me i will be polite but the conversation will be curt and brief. 

7. How do you define a toxic person?

=> habits of  dishonesty, manipulation, gaslighting, deflection of blame for wrong doings  => reacting to criticism or conflict rather than responding => engaging or meddling or perpetuating drama simply for the attention, thrill/endorphins of it => someone who drains your energy in their company rather than heals it => inability to admit they were wrong or let situations go

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fan meet type of event? If not, would you want to?

ive been to a significant amount of concerts in my life. i love love love concert going and, before quarantine, i would list this activity as one of my favorite hobbies. while not a fan meet event, ive wound up meeting and becoming acquainted with a number of musicians - either by running into them on the street, working with them in some capacity, waiting in the queue before doors, waiting after a show, etc. i once was able to attend an after party of a show with @queenoftheimpala because i knew what a tubulum was after a band member jokingly posted about it on twitter and we started talking. one of my all time favourite bands provides ticket packages which are both a ticket to the show and an earlier event in which there are panels with therapists discussing the importance of mental health etc etc. 

regarding kpop, i have not attended a fanmeet and tbh i dont think i would. the set up feels unnatural, and it is not that i want to spend hours talking with an artist but it feels very rushed and not entirely personal enough for me to express what id truly want to say. this is just my opinion. i know many fans have attended these events and have had a wonderful time. i just dont think this would suit my energy as im quite introverted and feeling rushed would make me anxious.

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

oh for sure i do. when you research charts, planets, alignments, etc etc it can be quite revealing when it comes to personality traits, needs, expectations. while i dont believe it accounts for every single thing about a person (upbringing and societal/cultural influence matter too) it can account for the fundamentals. astrology, tarot, and light work have seen me through some extremely difficult situations in my life and reading tarot/charts has helped me understand why i feel what i feel on certain days.

10. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), what would you want?

i rely so heavily on all my senses that i just...dont even know how to pick this. i think id go with touch. taste is a sense omg you mean i cant taste food anymore? oh god. ok uh yeah im still gonna go with touch. touch helps you feel the connection with other people - hugs, hand holding. sounds have waves which you can feel on the body. the earth has texture. touch is how the body relates spatially to other and to itself so yeah i would go with touch.

11. Who is your favourite celebrity or idol?

non kpop = prince, david bowie, chris corner, maynard james keenan....mostly its women. rihanna or sabrina claudio or rosalia. women in the root of their power and sensuality. they are unforgiving in their bodied expressions and i respect them so much. they are unforgiving in their femininity. 

kpop = chanyeol lmao like....unfailingly so

12. If you could talk to your favourite celebrity(s) for a limited time, what would you tell them?

for the non kpop celebrities = im usually just really supportive of women in the entertainment/arts industries so id love to just hear their stories. in this instance i dont think me saying anything is beneficial, more that its important we listen to their journies and their path to success. they have a lot to teach us. chris corner ive met several times and have had many amazing conversations with so in this instance, id just ask if hes doing well, how california is, how his dogs are, give him the update on my tattoo plans etc. for maynard...idk just cry because hes the celebrity ive loved since i was like 4 years old.

kpop = if i had the chance to talk to chanyeol i think like...id just like to talk about his music, thank him for having women as his video editors/videographers, ask his genre tastes, talk about the sheer amount of retro/nostalgia modes on the recent sc album. maybe talk about astronomy. thank him for his power and remind him to eat and that he doesnt need to master everything. achieving perfection is a pursuit of pain, all he has to achieve is happiness within himself. again, remind him to eat.

13. I’m taking you out on a date and it’s your choice. Where are we going?

oooo lets go to an arcade and for dinner. theres some really great barcades in lower manhattan and on LES we can get some amazing dumplings for really cheap and just have a night of talking, playing games, drinking. then maybe walk along the river before we catch the trains home

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

my sweet tooth has a limit so while i do like sweet im more into savory

15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favourite artists? If so, what?

i have a lot of band tees, signed posters, albums of theirs theyve signed for me. i have some drum sticks given to me by a few bands, signed set lists. one band gave me a turntable slip cover. i have a few first press or numbered records that ive framed. i have some lightsticks from when i attended some kpop shows. ive got lots of stuff!

tagging: @yehet-me-up @queenoftheimpala @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @yoonia @jamaisjoons @ditzymax @jiminiethot @blackberrykai @hkynm @ninibears-erigom @readyplayerhobi @imdifferentshadesofpurple @red-exo and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if youre comfortable <3 

[andyparxia]

Military

A boy was crying and yelling. “I don't want to go to military when I grow up,” The mother annoyed assured him that since he is only 12, there is still 6 years to go. That is a long time, perhaps in 6 years the rules has changed. Maybe its not a requirement anymore, and more of a choice. The stupid fucking boy stopped crying and thought "perhaps you're right mother, perhaps indeed."

6 years later

The boy now 18 years old was quite miserable going to carpenter school. "I don't want to go to school today," he said to his mother. "Just finish this year and you can do something else," the mother said. Little did he know that there was a surprise for him in the mail box. A letter just for the boy. "Who would send me letters?," the boy thought. He slit open the letter and got quite nervous. "Yikes, its from the government."

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO A BUILDING WHERE WE CAN TEST IF YOU ARE ELIGIBLE TO BE SUBBMITED TO THE MILITARY. IF YOU DO NOT SHOW UP, YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL LOL" - The Military

PTSD from 6 years ago came rushing down. "Mother was wrong all along" he said. How can a mother be wrong? How can the government do this to a little boy like me? Barely out of the womb and now straight into fucking war.

Day of the testing months later

Lucky for the boy he had legit reason to take a day of school. "I'm so happy I won't get a mark on my day of from school". Only times you have a legit reason and wont get punished at school for it is for testing like these, or funerals. And it did feel like a funeral, the boys freedom had officially died. "My freedom" he cried inside while on the train.

The boy had to follow people that was going to the same place, because he had no fucking clue where to go. He wasn't used to being on the road alone. Eventually they did find the place and the waiting started. Hours later sitting at a very uncomfortable chair someone called his name "ANDRÉ". It was for the doctor. The boy sat down and the doctor asked all kinds of questions. "Any mental problems?" "Any health problems?" "Problems in the family?" Nope nope nope the boy said to it all. "what a dull boy," the doctor probably was thinking. Time for sound test. The Doctor put the boy in a soundproof box and played certain tones. The boy had to click a button for every time he heard a tone. Little did the doc know that this dull little boy was being a little cheeky. He didn't press every time he heard the tone. "that'll show him," the boy badly smiled. "looks good," the doc said happily. "Fuck". The boy was disappointed. Back to the chair with him.

What felt like hours later they gathered all the boys for math tests. "Another chance to fake my results" the cheeky little boy thought. He suddenly noticed that by every random answer on the page, there was a very subtle dot drawn by a pencil. The military had just reused old papers from older contestants. The boy stupidly picked every answer that had the dot and it probably made him look like some math genius. So by picking all the wrong answers he picked the right.. Back to the chair. Hours later he was called in one last time by a dude that asked him all kind of questions. "Do you want to go to the military?". "Fuck no" the boy thought, "No," the boy said. After bunch of questions the boy was free to leave and head home. "I probably wont get called in for military in 1 year time" he thought to himself. Surely my answers was dumb enough for me to not get called in?

One year later.

Another letter in the mail.

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO THE MILLITARY, THE SEA MILITARY SPECIALLY BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU HATE THE SEA AND GET SEASICK VERY FUCKING EASILY. IF YOU DONT GO WE SEND YOU TO JAIL LOL" - The Military.

The boy was not amused. Finally done with school and now to military. 

The day of

The boy couldn't sleep, he only had hours before he had to leave. He got a brilliant idea to watch a 3 hour long new Lynch movie that just came out. So instead of sleeping, he watched a 3 hour long acid trip of a film. Brilliant idea.

The mother was teary eyed knowing she wouldn't see the son for a couple of years. Meanwhile the sleep depraved boy was sure he was coming back soon. "No fucking way I'm staying" he thought. "Told you so" he said to his mother while giving her a hug and off to military with him. 8 hours train ride went quick, he was listening to some bad Dane Cook show while thinking of that fucking film. "What the fuck did I watch".

He arrived at the station. Yet again no idea where to go. The boy found some poor souls that was going to the same camp, together they found the bus and away they went. The camp wasn't far away, 15 minute bus ride. The boy was surprised how local the camp was compared to the city. Like a big playground in the middle of civilisation. But instead of children running around playing, these grown ass men are running around playing war. The gates opened at the first thing he saw was people walking in groups, mighty impressive coordinated groups. Rifles on their shoulders, swinging them around like a show.

The boys got showed around and eventually ended up in a big gym. Bags in the floor while police and dogs sniffed out for drugs. Even though the boy was clean he was still nervous that the dog found something. Couple stoners was sweating beside him, and the dog barked. The boy was jealous of the stoners, "lucky them" he thought. They can leave and he was stuck here. After the drug sniffing, all the boys was pushed to the cinema of the camp. There they had to wait for all the other people getting sniffed out. A film were showing the the people waiting, it was "The Hills Have Eyes 2" from 2007. The boy found it a bit weird to sit in a cinema in a military camp watching a film with gore and people getting raped, but it was what it was.The film turned off suddenly. All the boys were done getting sniffed. Everyone was now in the cinema. 

"PEOPLE THAT ARE STAYING SIT IN ROW 1-3". "PEOPLE THAT HAVE A LEGIT REASON TO LEAVE, GO SIT IN ROW 4 AND UP" a dude yelled. "Oh fuck what do I do? I don't want to stay, but I have no legit reason to stay other than a note from the doctor that say that I have "snapping hips"". “Fuck it”, the boy went to row 4 and sat down. Luckily a bunch of other people followed suit. They were around 10 all together. "THE PUSSIES, FOLLOW ME", the man yelled (not really but he was 100% thinking it). All the pussy boys follow the man trough the playground. He stopped at a house. "Here you sleep for tonight, tomorrow after breakfast you are going to see a doctor to see if you have a LEGIT reason to leave. Good night." The boys went inside. There were pool tables, tv with news playing. All kinds of fun shit to do. The boy sat in the corner while all the other pussy boys were bitching about how they wanted to leave. This felt good to the boy, knowing there were other boys like him there. 

It was getting late and all the boys went up to the bedroom to sleep. The boy was shocked to see that all the beds did not have the beddings already put on. The boy had never done it himself. He struggled getting it on, so he eventually he had to ask for help. Ashamed the boy went to bed, very quickly falling asleep. A sleep that was quite comfortable and he slept very well. (No kappa).

The next day

A dude with a fucking bell in the hall woke up all the boys. "Time for shower and breakfast". The boy had never showered with other people in his life, he always avoided it like the plague, so he avoided it this time as well. The boy grew more pathetic by the minute. They all went outside to the dining hall, it was dark as fuck. Dark and cold. There was a long line outside of the dining hall. It took about 20 minutes to finally get in, eat stale bread with cheese while listening to a hall for of noise. "I got to get the fuck out," the boy thought. After the food all the pussies got pushed to a building where all the doctors were located. There was a tv in the waiting room playing "Band of Brothers". Nothing more ironic watching people getting blown up in the war on tv in the waiting room of a military camp. Outside the window the boy was watching people doing push ups. "Thank God I'm not one of them, I literally cant even do one push up". DING, the boy got an idea. He has a note from the doctor about snapping hips (Which means that many of his joins snaps every time he moves them in a certain way), which makes push ups and sit ups quite painful. Not to mention that he doesn't shower with other people, because he often got to clean his hairy asshole in a hard way. "Cant bend over like that in the shower in front of people, neither can one go around with poopy asshole", the boy thought. The boy now had an legit excuse. Hairy asshole and snapping hips.

Literally hours later the boy got called in. He now has a plan. "So why do you not want to stay?", the doctor asked. "Well I don't want to shower with other people and I have snapping hips.". "Why don't you want to shower with other people?" the doc asked. "Well I'm very hairy... a certain place." he said. "Most boys are hairy, its very normal" doc laughed. "uhm, I got a hairy asshole", the boy shamefully said. "Oh, and snapping hips, I can write a recommendation to release you." The doctor said. The boy could breath out in relief.. The doctor printed out something, made the boy sign it. "Take this to the gate, show it and wait for your bags to be delivered". The boy shook his hand and walked to the gate. There he met other pussies also waiting, "lucky them" he thought, "Maybe they have hairy assholes as well". 

He waited for his bag and he could finally leave. The boy looked back at the adult playground, smiling at all the grown ass dudes running around like it was important. "So long" the boys menacingly thought. The boy took the bus back to town. He has never felt that free, free to  do whatever (not even 12 years later that feeling has been that strong). No more Military, no more school. He walked around the town in a bliss. Visited a local DVD shop and bought a bunch of DVD's. A imported DVD of Eraserhead was one of them (which he sold 12 years later kind of regretting not keeping it for the memory). He then sat at the station waiting for the train to come, looking at his shiny new DVD's. The train ride back was quite painful, the boy had forgot to take a piss this whole trip, and a cute looking lady was sitting beside him blocking the way. Better not disturb the lady and just be in pain instead. Eight hours later he texted his sister to ask come get him, not even telling his parents of his arrival. A funny prank he thought. The sister drove him home and he ringed the bell. "I'm home", he said. The parents was probably very disappointed learning that they couldn't get that 1 year break away from him, but the boy couldn't care less. The boy can now go back to watch movies and game. And he gamed happily ever after.

[boywivlove]

| Lutz | 01 

Chapters | 02

Pairing: Past Hoseok x Reader | Eventual Jimin x Reader

Genre: Figure skating AU | Slight angst | Fluff

Words: 1K +

Summary : After your last performance at the Junior world championships leaves you with a broken leg, your longtime boyfriend and team mate Jung Hoseok decides to partner with someone else and sign with a new agency  for the next competition, leaving you behind with the remains of a severed relationship. 2 years go by and your leg has long since healed, but a nasty blow to your confidence has put you off the idea of return to the competition circuit after being left behind. But when a chance meeting with an old friend catches you by surprise, you find yourself with a new partner. And after working hard you end right back where everything went wrong. But this time your going to show just far you’ve come.

Warnings : Mentions of broken bones and injury | some strong language |

Authors Note: Heyyyy SO Im still here haha, Ive been so busy with work and getting ready for christmas Ive not had time to write, but hopefully people are still here and want to read my skater AU hahah >W<

Its funny how things can change so quickly. You feel like everything just fits together, like a jigsaw portraying the image of your perfect life. You never really think about the perfection shattering like a mirror and you, being left to pick up the pieces of your once perfect reflection. Some things are just not meant to last forever I guess.

It was currently autumn time in your small little town, the leaves had long since shifted from lush greens into the beautiful hues of orange and red, like fire lining the cobbled streets. The chill in the air calling for thick winter wear and stalls of delicious hot foods perfect for this kind of weather. Yet as you walk the busy street, your once beloved time of year now only brought you broken memories and an ache in your bones you couldn’t seem to shift. 

You readjusted your messenger bag as you opened the door to the small coffee shop, the bell chiming as you felt the warmth kiss your frostbitten cheeks. It had been two years to the day when your dreams were ripped away from you. It was in this very cafe that you remember every detail of that night, every word he spoke to try and make you see his point of view, as if to soften the blow of his abandonment. Who was he trying to kid? His name was Jung Hoseok, Jhope in the figure skating circles. Yes, THAT Jung Hoseok. Lovable bad boy Pro skater Jung. god. damn. Hoseok. It was such a bad break up, if you could call it a break up. More like complete abandonment in your opinion. Who the hell abandons their girlfriend and skating partner for competition? Him thats who. 

It all happened at the junior world championships. You and Hoseok had been partners for 10 years, ever since you could balance on your skates. and for 5 years you had been a couple going strong. All the training you put in had led up to that moment, the moment to prove yourselves and be scouted out by the mass of agencies that had attended in hopes of snatching some new blood. It was finally your turn and you both breezed through the routine, the toe loops? no sweat. the Salchows were child’s play for you both. But then came the triple lutz. You had practices this particular move almost a hundred times and every time you were near perfect. But that one particular moment. The one time you needed to be flawless, lady luck decided fortune was not in the cards for you. You lost footing mid air and Boom. One broken femur and a trip to the hospital later you felt your ego bruised and your chances of being talent scouted shot.

It was two months later into your recovery Hoseok had asked you to meet at the cafe you sat in now, four booths over in fact. You had arrived a little late due to your injury inconvenience. He had ordered your favourite hot drink, peppermint hot chocolate and asked how you were. You didn’t think nothing of it but he had been distant since the accident. It wasn’t anything you felt you had to worry about, you were confined to the house the majority of your time after being released from the hospital so it was natural to you you hadn’t seen him in weeks. It was only when he cleared his throat and bit his lip you knew something was on his mind, it was a habit he had since he was a kid. Time seemed to slow down in that moment as your world caved in from under you.

“hey listen,, this is a little hard for me to say…”

“oh? is everything alright? I know we haven't been able to practice in a while but once im all healed-”

“no no its,,, look Y/N ill be straight with you.”

“ o- ok?”

“Y/N,, I want to go somewhere with my figure skating. and with you off the ice for the foreseeable,,,, I dont think I can go anywhere.”

“ oh… uh- so,, are you saying you want to go solo?”

“Not quite,,, aghhh listen, after your accident I realised were on different levels in our skating, this just proves it. This competition should have been easy for us and you go and break your leg for fucks sake,”

“oh like it was my intention to make an idiot of myself out there? How can you blame me for that?! Hoseok if you just wait we can work, I can work on my routines. i ca-”

“Y/N I cant say thins any other way but, I got a call from the S.F.S.A and they want me in their program. They’ve partnered me with a great skater and she-”

“Wait… you've already signed with them,,, and got a new partner. Hoseok I cant… I cant believe you. We always said we skate together or not at all. and you know how much I wanted us to get into S.F.S.A TOGETHER? Its like you dont care about anything we worked towards… and just because I broke my leg? … I just. I cant believe you.”

“come on Y/N dont be like this. This is a big opportunity for me. The Seoul Figure Skating Association in a BIG deal. I thought you’d understand. Your my girlfriend why are you being like this”

“Im HURT Hobi!? The slightest inconvenience and you throw me away? ,,,”

The silence was deafening as the two of you sat in that booth, The lighting overhead made Hobis blonde tips look almost white, and your eyes shimmer with unshed tears. It was as if the Hobi you knew, the man you’d loved since childhood had disappeared the moment he sat down. After all the hard work and effort you had put in, both in your teamwork and relationship, was it all for nothing. 

“I dont think this is gonna work between us anymore… Things, things change. People change and, I want this Y/N. I cant wait for you anymore.”

Those few sentences broke your heart. With nothing else to say to him you stood up, your crutches steadying you as you said nothing, what could you say to someone who just threw away everything you had together for a chance at bettering his career,,, a career you both put so much effort into. A career he was perusing with someone new. Hoseok stood with you when you struggled to adjust your bag around your head, he looked as though he wanted to help you, but the angry tears threatening to spill out of your reddening eyes was enough to tell him not to. As you made your way to the entrance you looked back at him, his face was masked in an almost pained expression, his cheeks were starting to pinken and his jaw was shaking slightly as thought he was about to cry. You left the shop before you could hear him saying its for the best. if that was what he thought then he can leave you. You were just thrown to the kerb and in that moment. your perfect world had shattered. your reflection left broken into pieces on the floor.

So, two years later and here you sit, in the same cafe, looking over to the booth your whole life came crashing down. Your leg had healed well, and you took back to the ice almost instantly to train yourself up again, but after the pain of losing your partner on and off the ice, you just couldn’t find the confidence you once had. It was as if your competitive lust for figure sating had left you with Hobi. It was after your loss of confidence your mental health took an even bigger hit, you felt yourself declining from the world and the people around you as you just got by day to day. You felt you could heal from what happened physically, but not mentally. But all grey clouds have a silver lining, days went by, the sun came up, and you eventually felt like yourself again. It took a lot, but it was the lack of self confidence in yourself that led you to your current occupation, your local ice rink had an opening for the overseeing the beginners lessons for ages 5-10, as much as you wished you could get back to being the skater you once were, the kids have grown on you. Your days that were filled with dull moping around the now very single woman’s apartment was now filled with tiny rosy cheeked little faces eager to learn. and everyday you felt yourself becoming more and more like yourself. And its this part of your life when you meet someone who turns it all around for you.

[might-guys-acorn]

Can I get a head cannon of a Shippuden era Naruto helping their friend through their depression?

Of course my love💕 Its late but I dont have work tomorrow, so Im gonna happily write some pieces. I cant wait to reopen my inbox for you guys :) -🦎

===============================

If anyone understands, its him. He doesnt show it, but depression can get to him a lot

He shows up at your door with movies and snacks when he hasnt seen you in a while. He knows how hard it can be to leave your house when an episode hits, so he'll bring the fun to you

Tells a million corny jokes to make you laugh. He misses your smile, and its hard to resists the sunshine he brings whenever he walks into a room

Opens the curtains whenever he gets there. Sunlight is important for mental health

Sits on the floor and listens to your rants about existence. Will hug you tight if you start to cry, and tells you all the good things about this shitty world to remind you of the upsides when youre only seeing the downs

Takes you to ramen. It always brings his spirits up, so hopefully itll do the same for you. Doesnt matter if you havent showered in days, or your sweatpants are covered in bleach stains. Ichiraku has no dress code.

Or just brings it to your place. They do takeout too, ya know?

If he does bring it to you, though, he'll get comically dressed up, and knock on your door with a little melody. Has a stupid big smile on his face when you open the door

"Special delivery for Y/N! Some happiness in a bowl! Compliments of your best friend!"

Gets very excited when you smile back at him, he loves to make you feel even a little better.

[geminimoonbeamx]

Oh, Baby: Chapter Two

A/N: So I was so excited about the reaction and feedback I got on the first chapter, I hope you guys enjoy this one too!

Word Count: 3.5k+

Warnings: None really- brief mentions of smut and of course cursing like a mf

Summary: After a drunken night, Y/N finds herself having to face the biggest decision of her life; is she ready for motherhood? And a better question, is Bucky Barnes, her long time friend and womanizer extraordinaire, ready for fatherhood? They’ll just have to go along for the ride and find out together. A Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader Story  

Chapter 2/6: And a Cherry On Top

Once you decide that you want this baby- that you’re keeping, things become alot clearer in your mind.

All those lists you made? The bullet pointed steps, numbered processes that you need to accomplish zero in, your brain finally able to sort them, at least a little bit. More then you’d been able to last night, or even this morning.

You’re keeping this baby, it’s cemented in your stubborn brain now and even though that brings a whole new round of terror, it becomes a front and center though. A focal point, so to say.

And when you’re focused- you’ve been told you can be a little ruthless.

“Look, Dr. Cho, I like you so far, I really do,  but I’m going to be blunt here: I’ve read some horror stories about plus size pregnancies, and how miserable it is to have a doctor who is fatphobic- so I just want to check base and make sure that you’re...okay with having me as a patient, and will treat me with the same respect that I plan to treat you with” 

She doesn't look shocked and you don't know whether that's just her training or if her face always has that sage quality to it, but you can't really read it.

“I really admire you bringing up your concerns, and I can assure you that they’re very presidented, but that’s not something you’re going to have to worry about with me if you choose to continue on with me as your practitioner for this pregnancy.

I’ve been an OB for the last fifteen years and have worked with lots of very different women: big and small and everything in between and that doesn't matter to me. What matters is that we find a plan that works for you and your little one and keeps you both healthy as we get you to term. Does that sound okay to you?”

You chuckle, delightedly shocked at her words. At how straight forward and sincere she had been. At the support you could feel from her and how relieving that felt to know that your doctor was going to be on your side, for you, with you.

Being overweight, you’d had prejudice thrown at you left and right thought your life, sadly also by medical professionals, and to know she wasn't going to do that to you?

“Yeah” You nod, with a grateful smile “That sounds more than okay”

The appointment goes smoothly for the next hour and a half or so after that. You’re happy you’d Googled like crazy and had come prepared with a small list of key medical facts: any allergies, past surgeries talks of mental health and medications. She gives you a pelvic exam/Pap  and its uncomfortable as they always are, even with her gentle, nimble fingers. Legs in stirrups, biting at the inside of your cheek.

The magic happens when she lays you down and slathers your tummy with a jelly like substance and your heart goes fluttery against your chest as she uses a little wand, probes and moves it gently against the jelly. Looking, searching…

Thump,

Thump,

Thump,

Found.

On the screen of the ultrasound machine that she’d pulled up. Dr. Cho had warned you that it was very early, and that there was a good chance that she wouldn't be able to find much of anything at this point and yet there it was.

A tiny little blur in the blob like painting of your insides that we’re up for display on the US machine. A heart beat, the sound it made would be imprinted in your mind forever.

“There’s your baby, it’s about the size of a cherry right now and I has no really defined shape, but as you can hear, it has a very strong heart beat”

Like in movies, you thought you’d cry, and yeah, maybe your close, but really it lights a fire in you. Sets your heart ablaze and makes you feel lightheaded.

There’s your baby, and it’s real. So real. With a little heart inside you, beating along with your own…

You leave the office with two copies of the ultrasound pictures, one for you to keep, and one to give to Bucky.

Now you only had to tell him.

Later that night, as you and Wanda lounge on your living room couch, you text him, clutching a furry pillow in your lap.

You need to get this done and over with, you have to tell him.

Hey, long time no talk. You think we could get together for lunch sometime this week?

----------

Bucky finds himself sitting at a corner table, it’s half past three and you’re still not there yet. You we’re supposed to be meeting him for a late lunch...ten minutes ago? Fuck, why were you always late?

It drove him crazy, was on that long list of things about you that made his eyes cross with annoyance. On that list was also the fact that he could never guess what you we’re going to do- which yeah, that one still stood, too.

When you’d texted him, asking him to meet you for lunch last Friday, Bucky had gaped at his phone for a few minutes. Hadn't you spent the last couple months avoiding him like the plague? He couldn't help himself, though, and had only given you a tiny bit of shit before agreeing to meet you that next Wednesday at you guys’ favorite spot.

And so here he sat, at HandCraft, waiting for you. Trying not too feel excited, hopeful. That usual feeling that settled in his gut whenever you we’re around(even with just the promise of your presence) had been thrown into effect.

He orders himself a Corona, extra lime, but considers something stronger to quell the weird nerves, and orders you a Long Island Peach Tea. 

He knew your obsession with everything peach, so when he saw it he couldn't help but order it for you.

He’s a couple drinks into his beer when you walk in. Bucky could zero in on you in a crowd of hundreds, a skill he’d developed pretty quick after meeting you. His weird 20/20 Y/N radar doesn't fail him and his eyes snap to you as you walk in, and he waves you over. You boop through the crowd, and Bucky knows he has a stupid little smile on his face as he watches.

You’re cute, always. It’s infuriating, and intoxicating and damn, will he ever get over this shit? It’s been eight years for fucks sake.  

It’d been rainy and humid in the city this May, and the beige long sleeved, off the shoulder top and high waisted ripped jeans you wear are breezy enough. You always dressed nice, most always put together and he’d always taken the time to appreciate your style, the way you hed yourself and adorned your curvy body.

The big bun that sits atop your head is messy and has started to frizz from the time you’d spent in the sprinkling rain, your loose baby hairs wispy and starting to curl as you sit down in the chair on the opposite him.

“Hi” You greet, shifting in the chair. You’re awkward around him now, and it sucks. It really does.

He thinks about that night in early March, and he cant bring himself to regret it, and he tries to ignore the twinge from how apparently you seem to.

“Hey there- I ordered some drinks so I didn’t die or dehydration while I was waiting for you”

You can’t help but giggle- you and Bucky’s dry humors had always lined up. It was a part of the reason why the two of you had always got on so well, the two of you were always throwing off hand, rude to anyone else, jokes at each other.

“It’s three, you’re going to need to check that alcoholism or yours someday” you rebuff and he shrugs, taking another swig if his beer with a cheeky smile-

“It’s five o’clock somewhere...and it’s actually 3:30, which makes you- he checks his watch playfully, asshole, fifteen minutes late”

“I had a meeting with my boss. Give me a fucking break” You snipe back, and yeah maybe you sound a little sharp.

Shit. No, that’s not how you wanted the atmosphere of this conversation to go. But this week had been...a lot.

You’d told your little sister MJ about the big B news and she had advised you to talk to your boss about bumping up your healthcare, about maternity leave and all that other jazz as early as possible- and that had lead to you having to sit for over an hour with the one-eyed owner of the radio station.

Nick Fury was cool enough, really he is, but still. Explaining an unexpected pregnancy to him was...really awkward. Especially when he had asked about the father and you had to pretty much shrug and say “Bitch, I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out later today”

But you definitely didn’t call your boss a bitch.

“A meeting? Is everything okay?” Bucky actually sounds concerned and you purse your lips and spin the straw in the dark drink you hadn’t touched yet because you were preeeeetty sure it had liquor in it and that was a no go for you now.

“Um, yeah...it is now. I just had some serious stuff to talk to him about”

“Serious? That doesn’t sound great” Bucky didn’t mean to pry, but he knows how much you loved your job. How hard you’d worked for it.

He’s always rooted for you, knowing that like many things, the radio waves were dominated by male hosts. He listened to your podcasts, and your new show, religiously.

Every Wednesday night at 7- he diligently listens to your melodic voice, actually for the last couple months it’s the only way he could feel close to you.

Sucker. He knows.

“Um, yeah. Kinda serious? More just things I needed to get sorted out with Fury. A little planning for my future, ya know?” Our future, the life inside me, you don’t say. Yet.

“Okay, well as long as everything’s still going smoothly there, that’s good, right?”

“Yeah, right. Everything’s going smoothly…” fuck.

“Just say it and get it over with. Like pulling off a band-aid” Wanda had pep talked you about this- but god, how could anybody know it was going to be this hard.

Your heartbeat had gone hummingbird and your stomach was in knots as the minutes ticked on. You order an ice water and watermelon salad and Bucky frowns.

Because that’s not your usual...you always get the Nacho Tots. He offers them as an appetizer for the two of you to share and you shake your head with a forced smile, complaining of a stomach ache.

You don’t touch the peach tea, he points that it too and you shake your head telling him you weren’t in the mood to drink which, what? You were always down to day drink. Always.  

Half way through his chimichurri steak, Bucky can’t take the weird tension anymore. You’re trying...to hard. And yet he can clearly see that you’re more uncomfortable, more uneasy then he’s ever seen you.

He can only bite his tongue for so long. Months of tension were bound to come to a head eventually.

He couldn’t bare talking about the weather and other trivial bullshit subjects anymore.

“Y/N...if you didn’t want to hang out, why did you make plans with me?” Bucky questions, bluntly. Takes you off guard a bit.

“What?” Is your bright reply and he just frowns and leans back in his chair. His body language is all wrong- and it makes you even more anxious then you already were.

“I just- fuck. Fuck, it’s been so weird between us since March and I thought having lunch today was supposed to be us remedying said weirdness but it just feels worse” Bucky’s tone is slightly frustrated and dejected

You can feel your face drop. None of this was going how you’d planned- and you’d imagined this going 1,000 different ways in the last few days.

“I just want everything to go back to the way it was” Bucky speaks, interrupting your silence and it feels like there’s fucking needles in your stomach.

“It can’t go back” You utter, fidget in place, staring at the busy street outside the window for a moment. Not able to meet his eyes yet.

“Really? Cause I kinda think that’s bullshit. So we slept together? It was consensual and we’re adults, I don’t get why it has to be a friendship ending thing-“ Bucky’s feelings are hurt, and it’s apparent in his tone. Confused, slightly pleading.

Band-aid, Wanda’s words ring in your head as you muster up your courage and look back at Bucky.

Jesus, you could drown in his foggy eyes. Could be melted down to nothing by the molten silver of his gaze.

“I have something to tell you, it’s why I asked you to lunch today. I wanted to talk to you face to face because...this is pretty fucking huge and I- I” you stutter and stumble over your words and Bucky knows it’s something major because words are usually your weapon. You vernacular your sword and armor.

He doesn’t know why he knows, or why it clicked together in his head- call it some kind of weird intuition. Maybe from the fact that he grew up with all sisters and that he remembers his older sister Charlie and her face when she’d told his parents, at the age of sixteen, that she was-

And Oh, ohhhh, you hadn’t drank. Or touched your food-

“You’re pregnant” it doesn’t feel real to him as he says it, as his lips gram the words he can’t really feel himself speak them.

You gasp softly- your big eyes locked with his for a moment where everything goes still around the two of you, and then you nod.

It’s like he had peered straight into your soul anyway. Like he already knew.

“Yeah, I am. Nine weeks- well almost ten now, I guess”

“Oh...oh fuck” Bucky breathes out, a long exhale because he’d been holding his breath and oh shit- he hasn’t had a panic attack in years but this sure feels like what the start one.

“Bucky?”

“It’s mine?” He knows it’s an asshole question, but he grits it out anyway because he has to be sure of what he already knows.

“Yeah, it is. I haven’t been with anyone since we were together” It’s the truth, and he knows because you have a big fat unfiltered mouth that you hadn’t been with anyone for months before him.

“Five months?” You remember him breathing into your neck “Fuck, doll, how? No way”

“Mmhmm” you’d hummed as he’d kissed down your chest “I’m not a whore like you- I can go a few months without sex with out my genitals shriveling up and my brain short circuiting”

He’d laughed around a mouthful of breast.

And now you were pregnant. With his baby.

He gapes like a fucking fish as he tries to digest it all.

“I’m going to keep it, Bucky. And that doesn’t mean I expect you, or am going to force you to be in they’re life but I just...I don’t know I thought i should tell you? And not because I felt obligated to or anything...I mean kind of, but because you’re a good person and I wanted you to know” You’re rambling, yeah, but you’re saying your peace.

“You’re ten weeks?” Bucky questions, breaking you out of your ramblings and you nod, a little confused.

“Yeah, it’s the size of a Cherry right now...trippy, right?”

Bucky barks out a laugh, still in that headspace where he though he might wake up at any given moment.

“A cherry. Oh my god. Holy fuck- you’re pregnant” Bucky exasperates and then puts his hands on his face, trying to calm down. Trying to get a grip on himself.

He knows you. Knows that you’re not lying about it being his, why would you? And there’s a baby inside you, right this moment. One that he’d put there- that the two of you had created together.

“Yup. Super fucking pregnant- a doctor confirmed it and everything” You try to lighten the mood a little, just like you always do.

“Really?”

“Yeah...here, look” you dog through your handbag for a moment and then pull out a laminated picture and reach across the table to hand it to him.

When Bucky takes his first look at it, his heart squeezes and his breath gets stuck in his throat again.

It’s the ultrasound picture. Black and white, unidentifiable shapes- but his eyes zero in on the little blob in the darkness. The baby.

His baby.

His heart clenches again.

“There it is” you point out what he’s looking out with a manicured finger “that’s the baby. I know it all looks like an obscure Picasso painting or something but that’s it” you kind of hate calling your baby an it, but you don’t know what else to call...them, yet.

“A cherry” Bucky whispers, asks.

“Yeah, like-“ you make that annoying, internet famous, 6 shape, with your hand and put it up to your eye to look through it “this big”

Bucky chuckles. You’re so dumb. And so special, for being able to make such a tense situation feel...lighter.

“I’m going to want to be in this baby’s life, you know that, right?” Yeah, he doesn’t know how he feels about all of this yet. He still thinks this might be some kind of fever dream- that maybe he died from that flu he had last week, but he’d been raised right by his mom and pop.

Was he a bit slutty? Yeah, he guesses he’d own that(argue that he only acted on how he was pursued)

Could he be a little bit of an arrogant prick? You, and plenty of other people had told him that plenty in his life and yeah, he’d own that one too.

But he’d never, could never, leave you alone to raise this child. Not with how he felt about you- and shit, even if he wasn’t harboring these feelings could he ever just leave a woman who he’d gotten pregnant completely alone.

“Don’t make promises in the heat of the moment, I’m not expecting-“

“Me to want to be a father to my child” he doesn’t snap, per say, but he knows you can hear how offended he is. It makes you bite the inside of your lip.

“I don’t know. I just don’t...want you to feel like you have to say things you don’t mean because I’m sitting in front of you right now. Like? You might feel different later, you know?”

Bucky instantly feels bad for snapping at you. You’d been sitting on this, thinking you might have to do this alone…

Bucky looks back at the ultrasound picture and his stomach rolls at the idea of you doing this alone. Of him missing this first milestone of your pregnancy. Of his child’s life.

His child.

He’d woken up this morning, single, uncomplicated and now...he knew there was a baby that was half him inside of you.

He should have had that stronger drink.

“I’m going to be there for this baby, and for you. I don’t know what that looks like yet and I can’t promise I’ll be great at it, but I’m going to be here” his voice gets soft and passionate and fuck, the way he’s looking at you, vowing this to you…

It’s almost more than you can handle.

“Okay...I’m game” you say, and he snorts and nods.

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen, if he’ll be a good dad or not. There’s so many unknowns swirling around his head, clogging his brain-

But he knows he’s not going anywhere.

“We’re going to have a baby” He says it, and this time it feels a little more real as it comes out of his mouth. “Holy fuck I’m going to be a dad”

“Um, congratulations” The waiter chooses that time to come back to the table, and the kid who can’t be more then eighteen looks a little awkward at intruding “Do you want a celebratory piece of cake?”

“You know what? Yeah we do- and please, make sure there’s a cherry on top”

He grins too big when he asks for a cherry and you know he’s needs it as a visual comparison to the size of the baby inside you. Bucky is so obnoxious.

He’s also beautiful- in the restaurants low light. All teeth and bright blue eyes- his brows still pulled together and his expression a little overwhelmed, but not mad. Not disgusted or cold like you’d feared.

You can almost here both Wanda and MJ’s “told you so’s” now.

You can’t help but share in his contagious smile- the nerves that had players you aren’t completely gone, not by a long shot.

But...you and Bucky Barnes were going to have a baby.

You could only hope that the two of you didn’t fuck it up too bad. 

@peacefulwriter88 @jaamesbbarnes @jalapenobarnes @gifsbysimplysonia @brieannakeogh @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @tatathekissypotato @siren-kitten-his @skishenanigans @geekyweed @spidey-babe-parker @lastfallenstar @rachelle-on-the-run @prettybubblesintheair @dani-si @hufflepuff-always-forever @morganhoran1671 @imdiegohargreeves @nikolett3 @miss-mcbotty @nerdgirljen @readingsubtitles @sgtbookybarnes @prussiangilbert @tiredofsatansbullshit @bitchwhytho @mishameadows @heartbeats-wildly @10kindsofderp @xodearling @notyourtypcalrose @rachelle-on-the-run

The taglist for this story is still OPEN. If you would like to be tagged, please be aware that I will be expecting feedback, and will not take the time to tag you again if you don’t give any- I will update with the next chapter once this chapter reaches 100 notes.

Okayyy, so here’s part two. It might be a little cheesy, but I really want this story to be more fluff then angst, okay?! Which let me say is not easy for me because lately I’ve been one angsty bitch.

So I decided that I wanted to play with more MCU characters then I normally do, do something different- and that’s how I came up with the idea that the readers little sister is MJ(Michelle Jones) from Spider-Man. I love Zendaya- and since I’m usually writing a mixed race reader- she fits as a sibling.

Just for heads up, a little spoiler for the next chapters, I will also be having the Van Dynes be in her family tree. Hope is her cousin.

I’m really just trying to have fun writing for Marvel again. Hope you guys are having fun reading this.

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe idk if youll see this but i only have a year left until college and i live in an abusive household. no one understands me and my mom and dad especially don't. my older sister doesnt seem to hold the patience to listen to whenever i do try and call her once annually. i dont know how much longer i can hold on. it literally hurts my mind so much thinking about all of it, especially after abusive episodes from them. im scared to live alone but i just cant wait to

gosh im so sorry to hear that love :( while i’m proud of you for making it this far and for being able to talk about it with me, it’s really awful that you’ve had to deal with it for so long, and that it’s happening to you in the first place. especially during your adolescence, which is a time when we’re all super impressionable. a time when we all feel like nothing is ever going to change. and i can definitely relate to nobody even taking the time to understand you, and to feeling like you’re being overlooked or forgotten. when we experience something like this our brains often to try to make sense of the actions of those around us by turning towards self blame, and internalizing all the negativity + manipulating it into self hatred. but i think its important to remember that you are not responsible for what others do, in this context. how they choose to treat you is not a reflection of you or of what you deserve, alright? your sister’s selfishness is a trait of her own. your parent’s anger is a result of their lack of control and self regulation. none of this is on you. it may be hard to truly believe that in this moment, but nonetheless i think it’s a sentiment you should try to keep close to your heart. it’s not your fault that you have been failed by the people who were supposed to protect you, and it doesn’t mean that any future bonds you form will turn out the same way. it’s normal to want to give up at times, but you must know that there’s a difference between temporarily feeling that way and actually acting on it in a very permanent way. i said this another anon the other day, but i mean it just as much: you have so much waiting for you. and you didn’t survive all of that for nothing. once you’re in college and you have autonomy over your own life, once you get to choose how much time you spend with your parents and how much you let them in - all of the pain and toxic beliefs you’ve built your world view around will begin to slowly dissipate. and that may be a life long process, but it’s supposed to be. you have all of the time in the world to build your own existence and to heal from what’s happened to you. there are so many different tools to utilize, paths to walk down and people to meet who will show you what it’s like to be truly loved. including yourself, the person you will grow into. if you just give yourself the chance. i know it’s not that much comfort in this moment because you still have to deal with your parents and their bullshit, but it’s good to consciously remind yourself of all the good that is out there. when you’re an anxious and hurt person, it’s common to suffer from a sense of impending doom or failure, but the reality of it will be so much more of a calm, gradual process than you realize.

that being said, i’m quite worried that you’re still in this situation and that your parents are just okay with periodically putting you through ‘episodes’. it’s NOT okay. and you have every right to process hurt, anger, bitterness, sadness, numbness because of it. while it may be painful, there is no shame in crying or in feeling whatever you need to feel. it’s a normal human response to such emotional turmoil, so try to go easy on yourself honey. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given. however, it’s important to understand that the presence of these negative emotions is never an excuse to harm yourself or worse. i understand that it’s extremely overwhelming, and that it may sometimes feel beyond your control. but even just attempting to put some positive coping mechanisms in place may make all the difference, even if they don’t work every single time. this can be anything from creating a safe space for yourself (in your room, or could be somewhere outside like the park or a library) to researching breathing techniques and self affirmations, to journaling or venting to your friends, to meditation to finding a comfort hobby/show to simply lying in bed and sobbing the feelings out and then going to sleep, maybe practicing some self care. every small effort counts, even if it feels like the dumbest thing in the world. if you keep it up on a semi consistent basis, you will notice a shift eventually. it’s possible to hurt and grow at the same time. i also think it could be a good idea to consider reaching out to someone about this - perhaps a school counselor, or a mental health hotline, or a support group in your area. maybe make an appointment with your doctor to see if they can recommend any resources, if possible? whatever works for you. i just really think it’s important that you understand on a very fundamental level that you have every right to talk about what’s going on, and that there are so many ppl out there who understand. who have even been through the same thing, and survived after it and thrived. i know this is one of those suggestions that feels very scary and like you just can’t do it, but if there’s any service available to you i’d really recommend utilizing it, or at least not ignoring the option all together. having someone you can be honest with and who can enable you to develop some self esteem, plus some added perspective so you don’t feel as ‘trapped’, will really make it all feel a little less heavy. consistent therapy/counseling will show you how to unlearn all of the mental habits you’ve developed over the years due to the treatment you’ve endured, and you deserve that relief. i get that it all feels like a lot of effort, and i’m not saying that doing this stuff is a quick fix. i’m saying that you have a life and an existence that is worth investing in, that is worth caring about. you are worth the world, FUCK your parents for making you question that due to their own mental and emotional issues. regardless of your past, you’re here and you deserve better. you will find better. you’re so much closer to getting ‘out’ than you realize. while it’s normal to be scared of living alone, humans adapt quite quickly. and you wont be alone in the way that you imagine, you’ll simply have agency over your own choices. like i said before, there are so many ppl who are going to show you what it’s like to truly treasured, who you haven’t even met yet. it’s just a matter of treating yourself softly, the way you’d treat a friend going through a hard time, until you get to that point. and also a matter of knowing your parents are full of shit. but anyway, this got far too long. i just have a lot to say, i hate how adults choose to have babies and then do this to them.....if you want to talk about it properly, or if you need a friend or anything. please feel free to send me a message. i’ll be here, and i believe in you !! one day at a time 💌

[i-swear-im-not-crazy-well-maybe]

Feeling so horrible

I went to my GP yesterday to get mental health care plans for some free psychology sessions and he printed off a letter that my arsehole psychiatrist sent to him, he’s the one that I hate and has been very rude to me, I’ve only seen him like 3 times and he’s been so rude, walks out on me and doesn’t listen to me.

Well I thought he couldn’t get worse but now he’s crossed the line. I read the letter he sent to my GP and I couldn’t stop crying, I’m crying now thinking about it, I can’t even pick up the paper to read it again as it triggers me so much. But basically it says that my whole life is a lie and that I make things up to get attention when I have nothing going on in my life, I fake illness to get attention and excitement in my life, he wrote that my previous psychiatrist and himself say that I have a “facticious disorder” and that I’m not psychotic and I don’t need antipsychotics but wants to keep me on the one I’m on as it makes me calmer.

I can’t believe it, I’m not faking any illness, I do hear voices, I do have paranoia and delusions, I’ve been diagnosed by inpatient doctors as have paranoid schizophrenia and now they’re saying I’m faking it all for attention? What the actual fuck.

Now I’m never going to get the help I need because they believe I don’t need help because nothings wrong with me as I’m making the whole thing up. I am deeply hurt. I don’t think I’m going to open up to another health professional ever.

They say I go to danegerous levels to get help and attention. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! I am so angry, so much for opening up and getting help “oh no you’re faking it all”

I’m supposed to be going to the mental health clinic next week, fuck it, I’m not going, I’m discharging myself from mental health services, i want nothing to do with psychiatrists. I’m also going to stop my antipsychotic, let’s go with their therory of how they’re not working, at least when I stop them I’ll lose weight which is a bonus, I just cant sleep without them.

I’m just gonna wait for my NDIS help, screw the mental health system, they’ve let me down multiple times, but this has just gotten out of control now, I can’t believe how fucked it is. My GP who was on my side and helping me with my mental health is now on my psychiatrists side after he read the letter, he’s been treating me so different and doesn’t want to help me.

I’m just hoping they haven’t got to my psychologist yet, he’s the only mental health professional I can talk to at the moment, soon enough he’lol find out and won’t want to help me either, I can see it happening :(

I am so just angry and upset I’m labelled as this. I am not attention seeking, I am actually struggling, and now I’m never going to get the help I need.