#i cant think of a more apt word rn
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It seems like you're a rhaelya shipper but also kinda weird you don't like Lyanna.
Hi, anon! Thanks for the ask.
I don't consider myself a rhaelya shipper. I just suspect that Rhaegar and Lyanna will be "in love" in the books as well. It's just that it won't be like in the show where Rhaegar annulled his marriage and that the rebellion was a "lie." The romanticization was off the charts!!!!
I don't like Lyanna precisely because her affair with Rhaegar will be consensual. If she were really the helpless maiden who was repeatedly raped by Rhaegar like Robert said then she would have my full sympathies. But Ned said she had the "wolf blood" and it led to her demise so we could assume she had some culpability in her death. That's not something a brother would say about his beloved sister being a rape victim. She's 15 and a grown woman in Westerosi standards. Cersei was only 15 when Tywin wanted to match her with Rhaegar. Lyanna might have ran away with Rhaegar bc she'd have been dead if Aerys' men found her but falling in love with him and even marrying him would have been of her own volition. Fairly certain Rhaegar would love her too since it's been confirmed that Lyanna was the woman's name he uttered while he was dying. Saying your rape victim's name in your last moment is just ridiculous. Alternatively, I have a hard time picturing Lyanna clutching the dead roses she loved that her supposed rapist had given her. Or you could argue she's so angry that she's clutching the flowers from the man who caused her all this misery? She should have dumped them in the chamberpot. Stockholm Syndrome? Arya and Sansa hated their captors more the longer they were with them. Lyanna was a selfish... bitch but their going in hiding would have been "forgiven" eventually by the parties involved, I believe. Rickard had southron ambitions and his only daughter just married the crown prince. He might need to soften the ruffled Baratheon feathers but he'd acquiesce. Let's remember that the rebellion happened only after Aerys called for Robert's and Ned's heads - months after the kidnapping.
In essence, R and L were both idiots. Rhaegar specially, thinking the prophecy would somehow protect him from dying.
#don't come for me about the language#i cant think of a more apt word rn#sherlokiness ask#do not call me a misogynist#lyanna is the same woman who stole another woman's husband#and even stole her dead son's name
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hi my precious zadie!! i wanted to begin this with saying i love you!! and good luck to ur upcoming exams!!
i reread the chapter profiles bc i was bored and it just clicked in my head they all live in the same apt building .. (im a little slow forgive me LOL) and in one of the earlier chapters how he asked her to meet in his car now is just even more mind blowing bc it’s not “hey i can’t stop thinking abt u im here to pick u up” it’s “i wanna fuck but we have to resort to my car rn” making it sm more steamier AHHH
and the latest chapter w hoonie getting jealous over fuma had me SCREAMINGGGG it was so fun and lighthearted (i wish all men acted like that instead of literally getting mad and never speaking to u ever again) but it could also be because of their dynamic (which i love so much) you truly created one of the best pieces of e2l and this is saying a lot considering i’ve read a LOT of pieces of e2l
hope you prioritize how you feel considering your latest posts bc i understand as readers in a wip we may feel to give suggestions but at the end of the day we’re readers and you’re the WRITER this is ur smau (great smau btw!!) and you should only write what YOU want to write
you’ve already given us so much from staying up late to finish the chapters, and the additional headcannons and this is without getting to the real story (where we discover why they fell out in the first place) and i think ppl need to realize that you have a plan to your story and to request or make suggestions can alter that :(
god i’ve never written such a long message before that tumblr has that weird blue line IS THAT THE CUT OFF FOR THE READ MORE?? LMAOO maybe im rambling too much but i wanted you to truly know that ur smaus give me life after stressful days at work or school and that i will always always always always love u and ur kindness.
- 🍇
hello angel love!☁︎♥ first of all pls don't ever apologize for rambling bc I will literally give you the biggest forehead kiss ever!!! thank you so, so much for your sweet words and reassurance, I really take asks like this to heart and hope you know what they mean to me. the more I read your ask the more emotional im actually getting bc this is so sweet and heartfelt and I just :( love and appreciate you so much. readers and babes like you make this experience so much more special and it's literally everything to me.☁︎♥
honestly don't even worry about the whole one apt building part bc im pretty sure a few of you guys realize this BUT yes, the whole idea of them literally meeting in the parking lot bc they cant stop thinking about each other is what makes me go jbfsobaofo and im so glad you liked it too!
take care baby, I love you sm!☁︎♥
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My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:
* wait how old is Sam
* He do be liking Astrid doe
* Damn so Sam is a Leader
* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮
* Ok I googled it Sam is 14
* I like Quinn
* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far
* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD
* Poor Mary :(
* Howard’s a bitch
* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker
* I love Edilio
* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid
* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit
* LANAAAAA :(((
* Poor thing is in so much pain
* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good
* She’s deadass slowly dying
* Thank god her arm is better
* I want to make this into a TV series
* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear
* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn
* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???
* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN
* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(
* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...
* HELP SAM HES CHOKING
* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted
* Quinn low key an ass tho
* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit
* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀
* Omg little Pete has it too
* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2
* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true
* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒
* Caine is up to some shit 🤨
* Lmao hold up
* Diana probably whipped tho
* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩
* I bet Drake is hot
* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON
* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀
* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?
* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀
* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified
* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”
* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML
* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD
* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids
* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh
* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side
* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄
* Jack is such a smartsass
* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒
* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL
* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still
* Bruh I hate Caine
* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh
* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong
* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta
* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH
* Poor Bette :(
* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again
* I love Edilio so much
* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him
* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????
* Drake is such a bastard oh my god
* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻
* No seriously. I fucking hate him.
* Nooooo Bette died :((
* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
* Did they kiss or not wtf
* What the hell is up with this cat
* Ah so they did kiss!!
* Why didn’t I get details 🤨
* No a baby died 😞
* Quinn s u c k s
* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared
* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(
* Lol Diana sucks
* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake
* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted
* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???
* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?
* Okay NOW they’re awkward
* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY
* I HATE QUINN
* These kids are crazy violent
* Fuck Diana
* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬
* Caine is in love with Diana 👀
* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛
* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL
* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior
* ROASTED ^
* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself
* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE
* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole
* Poor Astrid :(
* Poor Little Pete :(
* Bro I need this to be a movie
* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan
* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school
* Fuck Drake
* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.
* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?
* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up
* THE COYOTES AGAIN??
* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”
* Wowwwwwwwwwww^
* Lmaooo “L.P.”
* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”
* Okay he a lil’ horny
* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺
* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes
* Bruh these coyotes 😒
* Diana is annoying
* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf
* Poor Andrew :(
* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA
* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus
* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️
* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s
* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?
* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀
* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids
* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself
* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨
* Diana. I hate you
* Bro I feel bad for Andrew
* How is Lana back at the cabin?
* That IS Lana right??
* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢
* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT
* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT
* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”
* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮
* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross
* Like get a spoon or something
* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨
* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”
* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny
* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑
* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid
* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.
* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate
* Fuck you, Quinn
* Fuck drake
* I would gladly kill Drake
* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH
* SIMP
* omg I love it 😩
* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow
* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.
* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn
* Yes please kill drake.
* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain
* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone
* DAMMIT DRAKE
* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone
* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now
* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that
* What tf is up with this DVD
* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦
* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg
* Where is Patrick?????
* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands
* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.
* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf
* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake
* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD
* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER
* AND SHE SAID IT BACK
* IM. S O F T
* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)
* But like whatever 😭❤️
* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared
* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀
* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’
* THOSE DAMN COYOTES
* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience
* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him
* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”
* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn
* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn
* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am
* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?
* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????
* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT
* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒
* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit
* Ok finally he tried to shoot him
* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”
* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴
* THOSE DAMN COYOTES
* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real
* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that
* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c
* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally
* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit
* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢
* I TOLD YALL ^^^
* Yay Patrick is alive :)
* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”
* ^im. Depressed
* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is
* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”
* ^good.
* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴
* We love to see it ^
* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute
* THOSE DAMN COYOTES
* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡
#gonebook#funny#gonebymichealgrant#goneseries#readingfunny#readingmemes#gonefunny#samtemple#astrid#caine#littlepete#thefayze#gonememes#drake#book#bookfunny#bookmemes#bookmeme#mine#funnymemes#reading#read#gone#gone2008
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hi babe so have you ever considered neil and matt sharing an apartment? maybe they're on the same team or close enough to share one, and it's absolutely amazing because these boys love and support each other so much. but then.. they're also both absolute children when left alone together and the foxes get updates of whatever the most recent thing is with one completely ridiculous picture that never gets explained (like the Sofa Incident). basically love and fun and the brothers they never got!!
(em you already Know how much i love this prompt but like ,, in case you needed a reminder i LOVE this prompt im still crying thANK U anyway this took probably too long but i highkey poured my heart into this dumb little fic i hope u love it ur such an angel ily !!!)
read it on ao3! | prompts are closed :(
◊
Months from now, Neil will be grateful for this lifeline.It’s the offering of comfort and stability he needs long before he knows he’sallowed to want it, and Matt is holding it out to him without a second ofhesitation. Months from now, Neil will appreciate it for what it is. But fornow it feels bigger than he deserves.
“I don’t need a babysitter,” he says, placing a neatly foldedshirt on top of the growing pile beside his suitcase and turning to look atMatt. “I can look after myself.”
Matt, to his credit, doesn’t roll his eyes but Neil watchesthe corners twitch and he knows it’s a near thing.
“I know you can. I’m not asking to be your babysitter. I’masking to be your roommate.”
“Why?”
Neil can’t help it. The question is itching under his skin,making him shifty and uncomfortable. He doesn’t understand Matt’s motives: hespent three years living in close quarters with Neil and half of the last twopractically glued to Neil’s couch at any given opportunity. Why he is willinglysigning up for another year of it, Neil cannot fathom.
“We’re playing for the same team. It just makes sense,” Mattsays and he makes it sound like it really does. Neil frowns and purses his lipsand can’t think of any good reason to dispute it.
“You don’t share an apartment with any of your otherteammates.”
Matt does roll his eyes this time, but it’s a gesturefilled with fondness and, for reasons Neil can’t explain, the rest of hiscomplaints stick in his throat.
“None of my other teammates are my best friend.”
◊
It’s surprisingly easy, Neil thinks, to fall into theroutine of living with Matt. The apartment is already full of Matt’sbelongings, from his two year head start, but bits and pieces of Neil slip intothe cracks—his running shoes by the door, two mugs by the coffee pot eachmorning, Andrew’s hoodie on the back of the couch. It becomes theirs intrinsicallyuntil the discomfiture ebbs away and the word home seeps through.
When Neil wakes up in his new apartment for the first time,the morning feels stretched and torpid. The absence of weight in the bed besidehim is a hollow ache in his chest, and he gets up just to avoid the immensityof it. The world is drowsy outside his window, dark and slow as it blinksitself back to life, but their apartment is already alight with the smell ofcoffee and the muffled sound of socked footsteps.
Neil finds Matt in the kitchen, one hand pouring milk into amug of coffee, the other stirring porridge on the stove. Matt looks up at hisarrival and grins, all teeth and dimples. He sets down the milk carton andhooks his fingers around the handle of the other mug, holding it out to Neil.
“Morning, princess,” he says. Neil wraps his stiff fingersaround the mug, letting the warmth seep through to his bones and wake himproperly.
“Your porridge is done,” he observes, because he can see itthickening around Matt’s spoon as he steps past. Matt yelps and flicks off thegas, transferring the pot to a cool hob and reaching for a bowl in the samemovement.
“There’s enough for two,” he says as he scrapes the gloopymixture into his bowl. Neil stands on his toes to open one of the cupboards andgrab a granola bar from the second shelf.
“I’m good, thanks.”
Neil holds the half-opened granola bar up in defence whenMatt shoots him the look he reserves for disapproval at Neil’s tendency to skipmeals. He doesn’t comment but the tilt of his mouth is displeased. Neil shrugsit off and sips his coffee.
“Excited to meet the team later?” Matt asks as he runs hotwater into the empty pot to soak. Neil waits until the gurgle of the tap shutsoff to reply.
“Not really. I don’t care what they’re like. It’s how theyplay that matters.”
Matt turns to lean against the kitchen bench, bowl in hand,and rolls his eyes fondly—something of a recurring action around Neil.
“Now you sound like Kevin.”
“Kevin sounds like me,” Neil corrects, just to be contrary.
Matt grins around a mouthful of porridge. “You’re both asbad as each other. Come on, you can have first shower. I want to show you thebest route to the supermarket before we’re due at the stadium.”
◊
The team, as it turns out, arefar more excited to meet Neil than he is to meet them. There are three new teammembers, including him; one other first year pro and a transfer from Denver,but Neil inadvertently steals most of the attention. It’s some mixture of hismemorable face gracing television far more than any college student has a rightto, and Matt singing his praises over the past two years, that gives him adegree of interest the Cannons gravitate towards. All Neil really wants to dois talk to the Denver recruit about a certain goalkeeper on his old team, butMatt squeezes his shoulder lightly and it is as much a warning as it is acomfort. Play nice.
Neil smiles and lets KatiLaskey—starting striker—hook her elbow around his neck and rub her other handlightly through his hair. If he closed his eyes, her weight against his bodywould almost feel like Dan. The thought is both reassuring and saddening, likea weight constricting his chest not quite enough to leave him breathless, butspiking discomfort through his ribcage all the same. He finds he cannot makeeye contact with any of his new teammates.
“They’re not Foxes,” he says,when Matt prompts him for an opinion as they ease into traffic on their wayhome. Matt hums assent because it’s true, they are not and never will be theshape of puzzle pieces cut from the same jigsaw. They are Cannons, equal partschaos and content, and they have dug a Neil-sized hole in their line-up, but itis a manufactured kind of welcoming, a family born of necessity rather thandesire.
“They’re good people,” Matt saysand Neil cannot find fault to disagree.
“They’re good as teammates,” hesays instead. Matt flicks him a look under the guise of checking his blind spotbefore signalling the turn-off. They turn down the side street connected totheir apartment complex and Neil traces the vaguely familiar shapes outside thewindow with his finger.
It is still warm yet, the airhumid and muggy with the weight of summer. He can see heat hanging heavy overthe pavement and pooling in pockets between the clouds. He hates days likethese, but this one feels less like a burden and more like a blanket, swathinghim in the absence of body heat. Not ideal, but somehow enough all the same.
“They’re good as teammates, but Ialready have all the family I need.”
When Matt looks at him this time,it is with blatant intent and his smile is blinding.
◊
mattyb: someone come collect neil he’s making me sad
gaynolds: what did he tell you this time??
mattyb: a story about his mom
gaynolds: fuck those are the worst
wildz: u all g josten?
jos10: I’m fine.
gaynolds: :/
mattyb: he let me pat his head
wildz: 4 his comfort or urs ???
mattyb: honestly mine but i like to think it’shelping him too
jos10: It’s nice. Thank you.
nickyminaj: omg neil :( u cant be sad when im too faraway to hug u
jos10: I’m not sad.
jos10: Matt is.
mattyb: I AM
nickyminaj: mattie no :(
nickyminaj: coming to hug u both rn
wildz: me 2
gaynolds: me three
wildz: group hug @ the b/j apt.
nickyminaj: the WHAT
wildz: boyd/josten but im just rlzing how bad thtsounds
mattyb: H
mattyb: NNNN OFJAJKM.VWQ3JFJEZ/.DS’’;XMLD
nickyminaj: uh
wildz: r u dyin ???
mattyb: might have to take a raincheck on the grouphug
mattyb: OH HOLY FUCK
wildz: ?????
gaynolds: omg
mattyb: NEIL JUST
mattyb: CHRIST
nickyminaj: what did he do now lmfao
gaynolds: b/j apartment is my favourite soap
nickyminaj: ^^^
wildz: r they actually ded ????
gaynolds: matt??
nickyminaj: 50 bucks says neil started a fire tryingto make dinner
gaynolds: you’re on
gaynolds: josten knows how to cook
nickyminaj: lmaooo
nickyminaj: u didn’t see him try to use the sandwichpress at the columbia house
nickyminaj: andrew banished him from the kitchen
gaynolds: fuck
wildz: can confirm, neil knos how 2 cook but nt how 2use tech
kevinday: What’s happening?
mattyb: [image attached]
kevinday: What the fuck.
gaynolds: what the fuck
nickyminaj: WHAT THE FUCK
wildz: wht hppnd???
nickyminaj: UR COUCH IM CRYING
kevinday: How did that happen?
gaynolds: is neil BLEEDING
nickyminaj: holy fuck yeah his face
wildz: shit
kevinday: Is that a bird?
gaynolds: IS THAT A BIRD
nickyminaj: oh my god
wildz: matt wtf is goin on?
jos10: We’re fine. Matt had to sit down because hewas laughing too much.
wildz: neil ????
nickyminaj: EXPLAIN
jos10: I have to go. It’s fine.
gaynolds: josten you’re bleeding out of your face andthere is a pigeon on your head
kevinday: Neil
nickyminaj: oh my god
nickyminaj: we’re pretending this is normal oh my god
aaminyard: what is going on?
aaminyard: oh that couch is in shreds lol
nickyminaj: AARON PLS
wildz: called matt but it went str8 2 vmail
gaynolds: the bird probably fucking murdered them
aaminyard: finally
nickyminaj: aaron pls
wildz: aaron pls
gaynolds: aaron pls
aminyard: aaron no
◊
(The bird is collected by an ABC volunteer.
They buy a new couch.)
◊
Integrating himself into an already functioning team is botheasier and harder than knitting together the torn edges of the Foxes. TheCannons are professionals—polite because they are paid to be and serious whereexy is concerned—but they are friends off the court as well. Three months intotheir season, Neil has grown used to one or another of their teammates crashingon the couch in his and Matt’s apartment, or showing up unannounced withtakeout on their days off. Kati takes him out for coffee twice a week at asugar-free café two blocks from his apartment (which Neil delights in tellingAndrew about) and fills him in on the details of her personal life. (Her longdistance girlfriend just moved over from Missouri. They’re adopting cats.) Inreturn, Neil shows her the latest picture Andrew has texted him (the curl ofsmoke against a city skyline, or the glint of a blade under sunlight, or theopen freeway above the Maserati dashboard). Neil is never very sure, but hethinks this makes them friends.
Somewhere along the way, the team become less likecolleagues and more like something personal, something that spreads like warmbutter inside Neil’s chest. He knows parts of their lives that go deeper thannecessity for survival, while they learn where he likes to go to eat and what hiscollege major was. He lets them scavenge through his life for the titbits thatshould not matter yet somehow do, but saves the intimate details to sharebetween Matt and Kati. It’s not that he and Andrew are a secret, but Neil isprivate by nature and the Cannons, for all their friendship, are still notfamily.
They seem content to take what they’re given and pry nofurther, so Neil isn’t concerned when their captain, Breanna Ramírez, asks himto spare a minute after practice. He detours past Matt on his way off the courtto let him know he’ll make his own way home. Matt swings an arm around Neil’sshoulders and leans down to knock their heads together.
“Nice work today, honey,” he says and lets go, waving asNeil heads to the locker room.
Breanna takes him to a patisserie ten minutes from thestadium where, she tells him, they sell petits fours that her husbandthinks are to-die-for. Neil texts a picture of the display cabinet followed bya question mark to Andrew while he waits for Breanna to order. They get theircoffees to-go and Breanna’s husband’s petits fours in a small paper bag,and walk the short distance to a nearby park.
They talk about the season, about the flaws in the startingline-up, and about the kids Breanna and her husband are currently fostering.Neil wants to tell her he and Matt almost adopted an injured bird that they letfly into their apartment, but decides she might not take it in her stride aseasily as the Foxes.
Instead he says, “Maybe I’ll stop by the patisserie again onthe way home. Matt loves pain au chocolat.”
Breanna looks at him, looks away, sighs, looks at him again.
“Josten.” She fiddles with the lid of her coffee cup. “Neil.I didn’t want to say anything, but I feel, I don’t know, morally obligated.”
Neil’s pulse jumps in his wrist and he blinks at Breanna,confused and apprehensive.
“Morally obligated to what?”
“Look, you and Boyd are both lovely and I know it isn’treally my business, but the team has been talking and— Well, I’m not trying topreach to you, but sometimes his fiancée comes to visit and I just want to beclear that none of us are comfortable covering for you. If it comes to that.”
She’s doing everything to avoid his gaze now and Neil hasnever seen her so unsure of herself. He frowns, turning her words over in hishead but no matter which way he pushes and pulls he can’t make sense of them.
“What does Dan have to do with this?”
“You know, because of your… thing with Boyd.”
“My—” Neil stares at her as the pieces click into place,forming a complete picture, albeit one that makes Neil’s head ache. “You thinkI’m having an affair with Matt?”
“You’re not?” Breanna finally makes eye contact, head tiltedand eyebrows knit. Neil almost laughs but something about the set of her jawstops him.
“What makes you think we’re having an affair?”
“You’re very affectionate,” she says, shrugging. “We’venoticed things.”
“He’s my best friend.” Neil’s tongue feels numb in his mouth.His words come slowly, as though his brain is still catching up to theconversation. “We’re just like that.”
“You’re close.”
“Yeah. He’s my best friend,” Neil says again, like she mighthave missed it the first time. Breanna bites her lip and glances down at whereher fingers have twisted in the paper bag.
“There’s really nothing going on there, is there?” she asksin a small voice, and Neil’s patience slips a little.
“He wouldn’t do that to Dan. I wouldn’t do that toDan.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Didn’t mean to what? Imply that we’re both cheatingassholes? Yes, you did, otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything.”
He knows his temper is sparking, knows he should put a lidon it, but his mouth is running faster than he can catch it. He doesn’tunderstand how she can’t see that they’re the two least likely people to beunfaithful to their partners, or why she thinks it’s any of her concern anyway.
“But you can see how it seemed like that, right? I mean, hecalls you pet names all the time. You buy him pastries for no reason. Lastweek, he kissed you at practice.”
“On the forehead,” Neil feels the need to remind her. “Becausewe’re friends. Do you need a rundown of every interaction we’ve ever had toprove that? How about a timeline of the development of our friendship?”
“This really isn’t any of my business,” Breanna says andNeil’s mouth twists in scorn.
“You’re right, it isn’t. I should go. I still want to get tothe patisserie before it closes.” He stands up, forcibly releasing the tensionin his fists, and tells himself to walk away. “See you at practice tomorrow.”
“Neil, I’m sorry,” she starts to say but he waves her off.He only makes it three steps before he decides he’s not finished. He pivots onthe spot, clenches his fists, and inhales sharply.
“For the record, I have a boyfriend and we’re very happy,”he says and watches Breanna’s face go slack, her mouth opening on words thatdon’t come out. It takes her three tries to find them.
“You never said.”
“It was never any of your business.”
She bows her head little, then looks up to meet his eyes,her cheek dimpled where it’s caught between her teeth. Neil shrugs.
“Just so you know. He’s the only one I’m interested in.”
Breanna nods and looks like she wants to say something else,but she doesn’t protest when Neil turns again to walk away. He has a funnyfeeling the patisserie doesn’t open late and he really doesn’t want to missthem.
◊
“The team think we’re having an affair,” he tells Mattlater, perched on the kitchen workbench to the left of the stove. Matt iscooking pasta sauce in a large pot, which means he’s making enough to freezethe leftovers because he knows Neil will happily go hungry if it means hedoesn’t have to cook on days when he can’t find the energy.
“Our team?” Matt asks incredulously. Neil nods,absentmindedly popping the seal on a half-empty jar of olives.
“Ramírez told me it’s been team gossip for weeks.”
Matt laughs, reaching around Neil to lift another pot downfrom the shelf above his head. He puts it on one of the empty hobs and returnsto stirring his sauce, so Neil leans over to flick the switch on the kettle. Hesettles back into his earlier position and searches Matt’s face, but all hefinds are traces of amusement. It calms him a little, his temper over Breanna’saccusations dissipating.
“Fifty bucks says Pav started it,” Matt says, grinning.Aleksei Pavlov is one of their starting backliners and notorious for hisoutlandish but widely believed rumours. He and Matt have a friendly rivalrythat involves playful nicknames and good-natured trash talking at every turn.
“I don’t bet,” Neil reminds Matt unnecessarily. The kettlepings as the water reaches boiling point and he lifts it over to pour into theempty pot on the stovetop. “Allison would have a field day with this though.”
“Oh God, let’s not tell her. If she finds out, Dan findsout, and I’ll be trying to live it down until I’m old and grey,” Matt laughs.Neil hands him a pair of scissors to cut open the bag of pasta in his hand, andreplaces the now empty kettle on its outlet.
“She wouldn’t be mad?”
“Hardly. She’d think it was hilarious.” Matt pours pastainto the pot and flicks the gas on, before giving Neil a curious look. “WouldAndrew be mad?”
Neil hums, returning to pressing the lid of the olive jarand letting it pop back into place. He doesn’t know what Andrew wouldthink—they’ve never had cause to discuss it before—but he can count on one handthe amount of times Andrew has shown interest in things that don’t directlyconcern him.
“I don’t think he’d care.”
“What, he hears his boyfriend is off gallivanting with hishot roommate halfway across the country and he doesn’t even want to check up?”
“He knows we’re not. Andrew doesn’t care for rumours,” Neilsays, shrugging. Thinking of Andrew’s signature apathy dispels the remainder ofhis anger and he finds that he doesn’t care for the rumour either. Andrew’svoice in his head asks why he cares what other people think and Neil can’t finda reason.
“That’s true enough,” Matt agrees. He twists off the heatunder the sauce and gestures at Neil. “Pass me those olives, would you, mylove?”
Neil snorts, releases the seal on the jar, and hands itover. “This is why people think we’re having an affair.”
“Maybe we are.”
Matt’s tongue dips out to lick the corner of his smile andNeil rolls his eyes.
“If I was going to cheat, I think I could at least do betterthan you.”
Neil earns himself an olive pitted straight at his foreheadfor that one. He catches its rebound in his hand and pops it into his mouth,rubbing the stain off his skin and kicking half-heartedly in Matt’s direction.Matt takes an exaggerated step out of the way and returns to slicing olives andsprinkling them into the sauce.
“Do you really want to be insulting me when the fate of yourdinner rests in my hands?” Matt asks. Neil leans over to steal another olive.
“I’ll tell Kevin you’re intentionally depriving me of abalanced diet.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I have him on speed dial,” Neil says, slipping his phoneout of his pocket and holding it up for emphasis. He pushes off the counterwith his hands, landing softly on the linoleum floor and using the momentum toslide on socked feet to the other side of the kitchen. He bends to take twobowls from the cupboard and leans over to the cutlery drawer as he hears Mattchecking on the pasta behind him.
“Hey, sweetheart?”
Neil turns to find Matt beckoning to him, a strand ofspaghetti dangling from his fingers. He steps over and holds out his hand whenprompted by Matt’s grabby motions. Matt loops the spaghetti around his ringfinger, twisting and squeezing the ends until they mush together, effectivelytying the pasta to Neil’s finger.
“Give the team something to talk about, hey,” he says,exaggerating the wink that accompanies it. Neil turns his hand around and holdsup his middle finger in response. Matt laughs and the sound is white horsesbreaking over Neil’s head. He lets himself be pulled under.
◊
mattyb: [image attached]
mattyb: he said yes!
wildz: what
gaynolds: what
renesbian: what
nickyminaj: what
aminyard: what.
nickyminaj: omg
◊
Andrew calls him two hours later while Matt is making hotchocolate and Neil is flicking through sports channels with the TV on mute.
“I let you do one thing on your own and you get engaged toBoyd,” he says by way of hello. Neil smiles, tipping his head against the backof the couch and tapping the remote against his thigh.
“Jealous, are we?”
Andrew huffs, just barely but Neil catches it. He bites downon a laugh and lets his eyes slip closed.
“I thought you at least had better taste than that.”
“I chose you, didn’t I?” Neil says. Warm honey oozes downhis spine and he melts into the cracks between the couch cushions, the wholeworld slipping away and zeroing in on the static crackling down the phone line.Andrew’s voice is sturdy and smooth, garbled by the distance but stillunmistakeably his. Neil relaxes into it.
“Is that an affirmation of your good taste or further proofof your idiocy?”
Neil hums around a grin but doesn’t reply. He knows Andrewknows what he means, even though neither of them will acknowledge it. Theylapse into steady silence, soft breaths and fleeting movements between them.Neil can hear the buzz of traffic from Andrew’s end and assumes he’s on thebalcony of his high-rise apartment, overlooking the bustling street. Neilremembers the city lights and cool breeze from his last visit, the smell ofsmoke and petrol mixing in the air, the way the railing felt digging into hisback when Andrew kissed him up against it. He lets out a half-sigh, abortedbefore Andrew can make anything of it, and swallows the whiskey-flavouredmemory.
“My team knows about you,” he says, just to have somethingto say. It’s a lot like that with Andrew now—they no longer deal in weightedtruths and bleeding secrets. Neil finds that he doesn’t mind half as much as hethought he would, back when he used to worry they would run out of things tosay one day. Sometimes they have conversations without substance; after all,Andrew has always been good at making something out of nothing.
“I would hope so. They’ve played me twice,” Andrew says onan exhale. With his eyes pressed shut and his lips parted on a breath, Neil canalmost taste the smoke leaking from Andrew’s mouth.
“Funny,” he deadpans. Neither of them laugh. “I mean aboutus.”
He half expects Andrew to be difficult for the sake of it,but Andrew has long since stopped denying they are two parts of the same whole.He fiddles with his cigarette instead; Neil can hear his fingers tap away theash.
“Is that a problem?” he asks and Neil hears the part hedoesn’t say, the I don’t mind if you don’t, the this was never secretto anyone who was looking.
“No.”
“Okay.”
Neil breathes. Andrew smokes. The silence fills spacesbetween them.
Neil cracks an eye open when Matt taps him on the shoulder,holding out a steaming mug. From the smell, it’s a fruity blend from the packof herbal teas Kati had given him as thanks for helping out with hergirlfriend’s move. The mug is hot beneath his fingers so he balances it on hisknee while he resituates his grip to the handle, and raises it to his lips.
Andrew? Matt mouths as he settles onto the other sideof the couch, his own mug of hot chocolate warming his palms. Neil nods,nestling the phone between his ear and his shoulder so he can tap the ringfinger of his opposite hand, an explanation of Andrew’s call. Matt grins aroundthe lip of his mug before taking a sip.
“Tell him if he likes it then he should have put a ring onit.”
Neil frowns, glances down at his hand, and then back up atMatt. He mouths what in return but Matt just flaps his hand at thephone.
“Matt says,” Neil looks at him again and Matt gives him athumbs up, “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it?”
There’s a shuffling sound as Andrew shifts around, thesqueak of a screen door sliding open and closed, before the city noises cut offand the silence takes on a new shape.
“Tell Boyd if he likes his tongue he should keep it in hismouth.”
Neil relays the threat and Matt laughs aloud, his hotchocolate sloshing dangerously close to the rim of his mug. Neil watches him inshock—it’s the first time he can remember seeing Matt find genuine humour inanything one of Andrew’s lot have said.
“Did you just make a joke?” he asks Andrew. He’s not surewhich he’s more caught off guard by: that Andrew made a joke or that Matt foundit funny.
“It wasn’t a joke. It was a warning.”
A cupboard door clips shut from Andrew’s end and Neil hearsthe chink of crockery. He makes eye contact with Matt, who raises his eyebrowsand sips his hot chocolate, before shrugging off his surprise.
“I have to make dinner,” Andrew says. It isn’t a dismissalbut Neil can tell by his voice Andrew doesn’t feel like talking.
“Okay,” he agrees, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Andrew grunts, which is an affirmation in its own way, andhangs up without saying goodbye. Neil drops his phone between his thighs forsafekeeping and takes another drink of his tea. Matt nudges Neil’s shin withhis toe, nodding at the TV.
“You watching that?”
There’s a replay of an Exy match from the previous week, butNeil’s already seen it and it isn’t Andrew or Kevin’s team. He hands Matt theremote in lieu of a response and lets his eyes drift shut on the snippets ofsoaps flashing by as Matt switches channels.
◊
gaynolds: it’s been 8 days since our last b/jnonsense
nickyminaj: is that a record?
gaynolds: i think so
wildz: wild
wildz: get it haha
jos10: What’s b/j nonsense?
gaynolds: it’s you honey
aaminyard: aka every time you message this chateveryone has a stroke
nickyminaj: lmfao tru
jos10: Why?
wildz: u n matt r disasters
wildz: always gttin up 2 crzy shit
nickyminaj: u send the most concerning messages andnever elaborate
jos10: No, we don’t?
gaynolds: NO WE DON’T HE SAYS
nickyminaj: remember when matt and neil’s couch gotripped to shreds by a bird
nickyminaj: and they never explained how
gaynolds: remember when matt and neil got married
renesbian: remember when Neil texted the group chat‘cowabunga’ followed by three hashtags
renesbian: then ten seconds later said he rememberedMatt was visiting Dan and not to worry
wildz: rmbr wen m drank 3L of mntn dew at once
wildz: & n sent a pic of him passed out w ac.board cutout of dolly parton
wildz: y do they hav a c.board cutout of dolly parton
jos10: We can’t recycle her without concerning theneighbours.
renesbian: I think the question is why do you haveher in the first place
jos10: Oh.
jos10: We got her from Dollar Tree.
gaynolds: dollar tree sells cardboard cutouts ofdolly parton ???
jos10: I don’t think she was for sale.
nickyminaj: u STOLE dolly parton from dollar tree
aaminyard: you sound surprised
nickyminaj: i mean yeah
nickyminaj: aren’t u ??
aaminyard: no
gaynolds: no
wildz: no
renesbian: no
nickyminaj: good point
jos10: [image attached]
jos10: She lives in the shower.
gaynolds: that is quite literally the most terrifyingcombination of information/image i’ve ever seen
wildz: 1 time i stayed @ b/j apt & she slept inth bed w me n matt
aaminyard: what the fuck
gaynolds: why did we ever let those two live together
nickyminaj: yeah this has gone too far
wildz: m can move in w me if andrew will take n ??
aminyard: deal.
jos10: Who gets Dolly?
aminyard: never mind I don’t want him.
◊
When Neil wakes up in his and Matt’s apartment on what Mattdubs their ‘roommate-iversary’, the morning feels like a wave, hugging the bayit crashes into and guiding Neil’s breaths through the ebb and flow. A yearstretches across the floorboards, worn smooth under their tread, and laps atthe walls, where they’ve taken to sticking photographs and reminders andsmiley-face messages from one to the other. The world is quiet around him, butfor the buzz of the radio and the familiar pattern of footfalls againstlinoleum floor.
Neil finds Matt in the kitchen, two mugs on the worktop anda pancake flipping through the air towards the pan in his outstretched hand.
“Morning, princess,” Matt says, holding up one of the mugswithout turning. Neil loops his fingers through the handle and around theceramic curve, bringing it to his lips to blow the billow of steam away fromthe rim.
“Morning, sunshine,” he says, leaning against the corner ofthe fridge. The way Matt freezes is almost comedic, like each muscle isolatingand tensing one by one. When he looks up, his gigawatt smile is alreadyplastered over his face, bright enough to dissolve the dreary heaviness of themorning, and Neil’s returning grin bites into his cheeks before he can hold itback. Matt returns to his breakfast with crinkles by his eyes. Neil blowslightly on his coffee and takes a sip.
◊
mattyb has changed their name to sunshine.
jos10 has changed their name to princess.
◊
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100 Questions
it’s long so it’s under the cut, but man was this fun. thanks for the tag @the-most-beautiful-broom ♥ i’ll tag my loves (if you want to haha this is a lot) @raven-reyes-of-sunshine @perhalta @dracovengeance @hedaalicia and @amihanmayari
1. What is your nickname? Bails
2. How old are you? 24
3. What is your birth month? February
4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius!
5. What is your favorite color? green (Aw hey linds, same !!)
6. What’s your lucky number? I was number 8 for marching band every single year (F8 for flute 8) except my junior year, and my junior year we had a shit show, so im calling that.
7. Do you have any pets? 5 dogs back home in seattle but none where i live now or in NY when i get back
8. Where are you from? everywhere and nowhere. my dads military. but im american!
9. How tall are you? 5’ 5″
10. What shoe size are you? 7
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? A whole lot, but they’re not always all with me.
12. Are you random? not really. im pretty set in my routines and very comfortably a home body
13. Last person you texted? my best friend @broadwaybound2016
14. Are you psychic in any way? not even a little tbh
15. Last TV show watched? The Bold Type (WATCH IT ITS AMAZING)
16. Favorite movie? I’m not really sure but i just watched Love, Simon and im literally just crying because of it right now so im gonna go with that until further notice
17. Favorite show from your childhood? probably Lizze McGuire
18. Do you want children? Nope
19. Do you want a church wedding? I dont really want to get married
20. What is your religion? agnostic? maybe? im not religious, and not very spiritual. I love spirituality, things like crystals and stuff, but i try not to appropriate those things from groups/cultures who actually use them. I’d love to learn more about them and be someone who actually knew how to practice but, again, i dont want to step on toes culturally and take things that aren’t mine to take
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? a lot! a ton of surgeries on my ears
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? nope, im literally a goody two shoes
23. How is life? lovely
24. Baths or showers? showers!
25. What color socks are you wearing? i dont really wear socks? i like those little half socks. I’m not wearing any rn
26. Have you ever been famous? nope.
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? probably. i’d love to have a voice, and if it was for doing something i love, i cant think of anything better than getting to share my passion with the world like that. But it would definitely be a lot of pressure
28. What type of music do you like? i’m into literally anything. I love Hayley Kiyoko, the 1975, big fan of just basic pop like ariana grande and charlie puth, Harry Styles’s album is a masterpiece, Shawn Mendes, 5th Harmony. i love anything.
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes!!
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? just two!
31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my stomach
32. How big is your house? my house at home is a 5 bedroom 3 bath, my apt in amsterdam rn is just a room in a hotel type place with my own bathroom, and my apt in nyc is a studio
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? i literally hardly ever eat breakfast, but i love a bagel
34. Have you ever left the country? I’m in europe RIGHT NOW! lol
35. Have you ever tried archery? once, i was terrible
36. Do you like anyone? Not right now, but i might want too
37. Favorite swear word? i love the word fuck. it’s got so much you can do with it. i swear like a sailor.
38. When do you fall asleep? ummmmmm? whenever i guess lol
39. Do you have any scars? A few small ones. a decent one on my knee from falling off my bike when i was 8
40. Sexual orientation? Bisexual
41. Are you a good liar? excellent
42. What languages would you like to learn? ALLLL the languages. I’d love to learn native hawai’ian. i spent my high school years there and the culture is so incredible, and i was so welcomed into it by my friends who were from there, i’d love a chance to really connect too it and try to learn that.
43. Top 10 songs? Oh boy... im just gonna bullet these because i cant decide the order but this is the general
the way i am - charlie puth
young god - halsey
rather be - clean bandit
feelings - hayley kiyoko
woman - harry styles
make me feel - janelle monáe
six inch heels - beyonce
get right witcha - migos
my my my - troye sivan
nice for what - drake
44. Do you like your country? i’m torn at the moment. I hate tr*mp and everything him and his stand for, but i think america can be a wonderful place.
45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes!! <3
46. What is your personality type? MBTI: INTP
47. Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw
48. Can you curl your tongue? yes!
49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Hermione and Hermione is me. (also i really relate a lot to Lexa from the 100, which... is interesting. the way she suppresses feelings, her generally logical approach to things, the way she is totally useless around pretty girls.)
50. Left or right handed? right!
51. Are you scared of spiders? If they’re like, big spiders yes. or if they come out of nowhere. im way more scared of cockroaches tho.
52. Favorite food? For some reason this question has been really hard for me lately? idk. i love a good indian style curry, and tacos?
53. Favorite foreign food? Indian!
54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m CLEAN, but im messy. i feel like cleanliness and orderliness have been misconstrued to mean the same thing, but clean is to dirty as orderly is to messy. I’m clean and messy, i am not very orderly, and i am NOT dirty.
55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Experience a walk down the street in a city at night where im not afraid
56. What color underwear? black
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? not too long, but it sometimes takes me a long ass time to pick an outfit
58. Do you have much of an ego? It’s as big as it should be.
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? i suck on them until i can bite them
60. Do you talk to yourself? Constantly.
61. Do you sing to yourself? Hell yeah
62. Are you a good singer? i’m decent but i need another voice to match with. on my own i can’t carry a tune.
63. Biggest Fears? failure. and heights.
64. Are you a gossip? I can be, but never about like.. bad things. I like to talk about how this friend or that friend did x y z cool thing but im not like “omg did you hear so and so hooked up with so and so”
65. Are you a grammar nazi? Not really because i can’t spell for shit
66. Do you have long or short hair? Short-ish? i cut my hair in march of LAST YEAR and then trimmed it again this year and i want it to fucking grow
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i would definitely forget some
68. Favorite school subject? History
69. Extrovert or Introvert? Pretty introverted.
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nah, im not allowed too for medical reasons
71. What makes you nervous? when I see kids wandering and their parents not noticing (okay im keeping that because me too, but also travelling? like the in-transit part of travel, catching busses/trains/planes makes me panic)
72. Are you scared of the dark? not at all
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? i try not too unless its major. usually its unintentional or the mistake is irrelevant to the flow of the conversation/situation
74. Are you ticklish? Yes, but i hate being tickled unless its like, my sister or my dad
75. Have you ever started a rumor? No
76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes i have lol (linds, ily, we DEFINITELY have been over this already)
77. Have you ever drank underage? a little, but not until i was like 19, and then i was in europe for 6 months, so i didnt REALLY drink underage until i was like... less than 6 months to 21
78. Have you ever done drugs? Pot pretty regularly here in Amsterdam, and i’ve done shrooms
79. What do you fantasize about? getting a beautiful loft in a big city (preferrably london or NYC), with a kick ass job, a dog, and maybe a girlfriend with huge curly hair.
80. How many piercings do you have? Four
81. Can you roll your R’s? Yep!
82. How fast can you type? I just took a little online quiz that said i can type 72 words per minute with 93% accuracy?
83. How fast can you run? lol I don’t run (same linds... same)
84. What color is your hair? brown!
85. What color are your eyes? Green!
86. What are you allergic to? I’m a bit lactose intolerant and pineapple makes my tongue itch?
87. Do you keep a journal? no, but i wish i did sometimes
88. Are you depressed about anything? I’m not depressed “about anything”, im just generally someone who experiences a pretty mild case of depression.
89. Do you like your age? Yeah, i dig it.
90. What makes you angry? bigotry, ignorance, and spilling things. I spill drinks constantly, i spilled a WHOLE BOWL OF CEREAL ON MY FLOOR THE OTHER NIGHT.
91. Do you like your own name? I didn’t used too but i really do now
92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? not that i know of
93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I don’t want kids.
94. What talents do you have? i have a pretty great memory, but for random things i dont need
95. Sun or moon? Moon <3
96. How did you get your name? My dad, he just liked it. My middle name was also my dad, he heard the name Jess on the movie A Man From Snowy River and he thought it was a nice like, nickname/pet name, so he gave me the middle name Ges (pronounced like Jess) with the intent of calling me that (it didnt stick), but he didn’t want anyone to think my middle name was Jessica, so he spelled it Ges.
97. Are you religious? I am not, but i have a lot of respect for the concept of religion, as long as its used for the real purpose, which is to make people feel peace and help people find love and comfort.
98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I have not, but i shold
99. Color of your bedspread? White
100. Color of your room? White, with one black wall
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december 0520
so this was an idea on my mind for quite some time already. since this year was super unexpected and like seriously not the best, i wanted to do something to at least remember the last few parts of it by. the idea was something like - every day/ night of december, i type out one or more things i am thankful for in my life. and i kinda missed the first 5 days of it cos im so heckin tired every night although i literally sleep 12hours every single day. ok anyways j took a short break to wear my retainers isit j me or is evryone scared of their teeth shifting back to their original position after braces - i am already so unsatisfied with the ugliness of my teeth even after braces but cant do anyth abt that rn can i.
anyways. yea that was my idea super wholesome and stuff but since my stupid distracted ass cant stick to a single idea im j gon make it like a brain dump of the last *30* now 25 days of december cos i dont think i wanna forget this year. also mahims i know i talked to u regarding writing a diary and i think is as close as it gets lmao thanks for the idea n encouragemnt tho.
this year was so. interesting. honestly its the most apt usage of that word i’ve ever had in my entire life of 17 years. start of this yr, i can remember being literally
so
bored
legit
bored
like i had seriously NOTHING to do and i was like the definition of stoner
i j read like fanfictions and watched utube 24/7 and then i was so fkin excited for sch to start like omg i am going to meet so many new ppl and make so many friends i know me and meenu had this whole idea of like becoming loners and j fully mugging our way out of jc and i was actually serious about that idea cos like yaknow what else is important apart mugging amirite and it seemed so ideal like the campus is hecking huge anyways whos gon find out if i j fucked off and like started mugging at some randomass corner and honestly those who didnt know i existed didnt need to know i did. or smt lidat that was my thought process but as wbk i cant survive without ppl THAT IS ONE THING I REALISED ABOUT MYSELF THIS YEAR NOTE yes i literally need some person like
existing
alongside me. leme try to explain it doesnt really make sense. like i keep asking ppl wyd or i check if theyre online and stuff cos i need to know if there is anyone who is currently present in my life and im not suddenly like alone and shit idk ew i sound cringe but that kinda sums it up. like i know i think of going off the grid to mug and start tryna fking pass school but i dont think i ever can. i will keep trying cos maybe i will be successful one day. dont know if thats for the better or for the worse but i do know one day i will have to learn to be by myself and not be needing to know of people’s existence to be grounded. yea but start of the year went by like this. and then it was sKOOL orientation days were soo cool i knew nobody i mean i had vishnu and harshnee in my og and literaly every other person from rg was walking around but all of us were so. new. like u get wadaimean yea it was cool but Hecking Sad i mean really sad i know i say i hate all the cringey running around and like introductory shit that goes on in orientation camps and all but there is always this new fascination like you can never know if u will find your next bestie in that grp or anywhere. ya but i was super sad that orientation got cancelled and it was even worse cos my o was pretty dead in the sense that i could sense that the jockish ppl wanted to go out and stuff but no one really initiated anything so we just. didnt. and we dont even talk to each other anymore lmfao but is alrt they were nice ppl n im thankful to meet them.
then it was clas time omg my class was sooo quiet at the start of the year. ok one thing i still rmbr i was so shocked about was the number of indians in my class. i mean i still am but . literaly when has one ever had a indian person as the person on the register before you AND after you?!??!?!?!?!? yes and i was like o wow this is
interesting
and it was honestly my class ppl are angels and i cant be more thankful for all of them and god i mean this legit like i love yall guys
i mainly hung out with like shwetha and vishnu at the start of the yr cos we knew each other so that was cool for a bit then i hung out with gopesh alot cos he was p cool and nice and he had weird but nice humour now that im writing this i kinda miss talking to him but it eez wat it eez. people are like passing clouds in your life. and you honestly never see them pass by you but they do and you cant do much to stop them or anything they just do. you can only reminisce after they left or j faded away. then i went home with the sengang karthik varshini gopesh and htey were all such cool people sri is so fking cute aaa i wana squish and protec but anws karthik is an interestin fella too he has such cool views on shit and like such a level headed mindset i aSPIREE
this has extended way past my bedtime i just realised i shall continue tmr. adios!
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