#i cant talk to anyone because they're never in their fucking office where they can be found

[actual-corpse]

Giving your character extra arms is bad if you suck at poses.

I don't suck at poses.... I'm just trying to keep the shapes of Luna Moth Girl clean.

[thewistlingbadger]

Hoping on this to absolutely agree with you. Im NEVER going to shut up about the writing in this season because its genuinely so odd. Especially in comparison to season 1. Act 1 or 2 dont even COMPARE to last season's acts 1 and 2 bc we're lacking cohesiveness. Let's talk about what season 1 finale set up:

Silco is gone, there is no leader of the undercity anymore

Vi lost her sister

Jinx is going full rogue, full crazy now

War is about to fall between zaun and piltover

Now let's see what season 2 did with these:

We were briefly shown the divide in the undercity and the lack of unity. However, it's not touched upon not nearly enough and once it does what the writers desired (make jinx a figure, unite sevika isha and jinx), it's completely abandoned. The season has yet to commit to what they want to do with silco. Sometimes he's brought up and it's some really beautiful continuity (the burial and the office). But other scenes make it seem like they don't actually want to commit to exploring the true depth that Silco's absence has bc sometimes it just doesn't come up at all. The revival of Vander also seems like a complete slap to the face when it comes to this point bc we got him back so quickly and he's accomplished so much. He got the family back together and he unlocked a different version of Jinx. Last season discussed in LENGTH how silco was Jinx's dad and oh look here's vander, coming back to claim is title. ADDITIONALLY, the emphasis of silco and vander in ep5? WHY? Why are we getting this specific flashback and what does it do for the story they're trying to tell in this season? IT. DIDNT (and im saying this as a person who absolutely enjoyed it).

Oh man, FUCK. THIS POINT. Fumbled, severally. The fall out with Jinx should have lead to a lot of self reflection with vi and thus, loads of character development. But did that happen? No. Instead, we got Vi switching up on Jinx so many times. Vi goes from "we'll always be sisters" to "if you have an opening, take it" in ZERO TIME. WHY. WHY cant they spend the time to add some complexity to a character who sees a world with no greyness? If anyone needed the development, it was fucking her.

Pff. Jinx only damages piltover minimally. Only three councilors die. She spends most of the season in hiding and becomes a symbol because...huh. I actually have ZERO CLUE WHY bc she doesn't do ANYTHING to earn the people's love. She's not out there fighting with them, leading them, calling for vengeance or ANYTHING. She became a symbol bc why the hell not. I thought we were gonna see her become more like her League self, but the opposite happened. She got less violent, less unhinged. And yeah it's been nice to watch her heal and it's kinda in character but it isn't what was set up last season.

This is the greatest let down. You spent ALL. ALL of last season establishing this conflict. Just to abandon it in season 2. Jinx's first attack? Avenging silco. The chem barons? Bought by Ambessa. Jinx's second attack? A complete accident. The current piltover and zaun unrest? Due to noxian control. Why would you establish this kick ass conflict between these two cities ONLY for noxus to steal the show :((( why would you do this to us?????

I love arcane but act 3 cant save this we're in too deep. Season two is nowhere near the story quality of season one, and i have no idea why it's like this. Everything in s1 was woven together, where everything in s2 is falling apart. They've added so many things without explaining any of them and it's made people sour. No one understands the black rose bc it wasn't explained. No one understands the new hexcore shit bc IT WASN'T EXPLAINED. I cant recall being this confused in s1, can you? They need to stick to the core of this show: relationships and change. Im not sure why it's happened like this but it has. Whenever I watch s2, all i think about is this one qoute from s1

"In trying to do great, we failed to do good."

I think that in trying to make s2 a showstopper, they lost sight on what truly mattered.

season 2 has a structure problem and that makes act 1 flow naturally enough and it sets up the next acts perfectly well, but they wanted to do so much more than what they were

1. setting up

2. capable of doing in 9 episodes

had they just cut a few plot lines everything would've moved far easier. For example

1. cut the Smeech thing entirely. Sevika and Jinx don't need this to find themselves together and start a found family. That scene In Silcos office was so moving and everything I always loved about Arcane, stuff like this is what's needed. In fact move the prison break to act 1 and have them handle that together, Jinx can still make Sevika her arm, and everything could've still moved the same. It would've fit so much better and there also would've been so much more time to develop anything else with the magic system and act 2 wouldn't feel like it was overflowing with anything and everything. Isha is a character that as of in the show can be cut so easily and that's so sad because she'd be so interesting. Everything about her would've worked and SHOULD HAVE worked but she also just felt like Plot and a thing to make Jinx sad over again. Either don't do that or make Isha not a character like this???? I liked her scenes with Jinx so much and the scene with Jinx freaking out after finding out that Isha was taken to prison was genuinely so good, I'm still holding on to the hope that they didn't actually kill her

2. either cut that shit with the tree because let's be so honest that basically only happened so that Heimerdinger, Ekko and Jayce could meet, since we do NOT even really talk about the tree in act 2? that was so weird. Like either actually make it a thing or find different ways to let characters meet naturally. I dont know, the show was so good with that in season 1. And if they truly wanted the tree scene at least make it make sense and don't randomly drop it Idk.

3. I LOVE Mel she is like my favorite character but the plot with the black rose takes so much necessary time away from what we actually need to focus on. I heard they want to make different shows so they are setting this up but it just doesn't work. Mel could've so easily been integrated into the main plot line and it would've also made so much more sense at that. Though I'll just wait on act 3 before I judge too hard. (if they actually DARE to make her pregnant Istg)

4. Making Jinx that hero character for only like, what, a few seconds was so strange. I hope act 3 gets that better but that, first of all, happened mostly out of no where and a few touches to her shoulder after the prison scene was also not??? helping??? either set that up from the very start or don't do it at all. She isn't a hero, she is a tragedy and someone who needs help and room to breathe. The scenes where they tried to make that funny, in my opinion didn't land at all. She doesn't need a hero complex she needs calmness and stable relationships. Let Isha live I swear to GOD.

in fact that leads me into the next point

5. Have Vi realize she doesn't want to be an enforcerer sooner? I actually do like how rushed that part felt don't get me wrong, but if they wanted a reunion between Jinx and Vi don't randomly put it into act 2 with barely any build up. Let Jinx and Vi realize it during the fight, they kinda did do that but??? just didn't move that anywhere. it's so strange. If they had cut the Smeech stuff they could've easily used the third episode to make Jinx and Vi slowly reconcile. Which also means I think Vi would've been such a better "symbol" than Jinx. Vi and Jinx, for me, show what Zaun is made of, and Jinx is quite literally the valid pain, distrust and anger of Zaun, and she as well as Zaun desperately need healing. Like that would've been SO COOL. that's just my opinion though, so there is that.

6. If they had made Vi the symbol the conflict between Caitlyn and Vi would've felt a lot more natural as well. Like??? Also Caitlyn should've had so much more time if they wanted that switch up in the end to work. Cut the black rose stuff and that would've worked perfectly fine.

7. Now do NOT get me wrong, Ambessa's character is so interesting and I feel like exploring her is so cool but she and her plot just doesn't fit into the Piltover/Zaun thing. It makes it too big for what the show is. In fact I (and now this is just my opinion, anyone can have their own just saying lmao) would've either cut out Ambessa's character/plotline or subtly continued Ambessas drama with Mel, which would give Mel, who didn't get taken by the black rose in my version, a lot more to do and way more interesting stuff too. Again this is very much my opinion and doesn't mean anyone needs to share it, but I feel like they could've easily made Heimerdinger be the one who gets Caitlyn to where she was/is with Ambessa. It would've expanded Heimerdingers character and it would've stayed in the setting they already perfectly build up, Piltover and Zaun. Also, Heimerdinger wouldn't just feel like a random joke character anymore.

8. The Pit fight stuff could have been SO interesting and I feel had we not stayed with Viktor Christ so much which was also so weird at times, we could've gotten so much necessary insight on Vi. If we follow my idea it could've been Vi forced to be a symbol because of the person she is. The embodiment of Zauns loyalty, strength and resilience. And then the fights that will come out of that forcing Vi to face so much stuff she shouldn't etc etc (I haven't fleshed that one out yet don't come for me) and that could've ended in her pit fighting era, which should've taken at LEAST an episode and not a random montage that just gets forgotten??? for no reason at all. Really hope act 3 talks about that cause??? I feel with Vi as the leader the healing of Zaun would make so much sense, because Jinx realistically can't do that. The idea of Jinx being in that position IS interesting I just feel it wasn't established/developed enough.

9. I really really liked how from the very beginning Viktor's safe haven did not in fact feel safe. There was always a very uneasy feeling and that's what I love about the show. I was always waiting for the shoe to drop and it happened, that was amazing. Though I would've either established a lot of this way earlier on in the show or made it not so, and now walk with me here Ik its magic, unrealistic. That does sound strange but having Viktor suddenly float in space with white silver flowing hair and his dead assistent next to him was... very very out of no where. It was like a lazy show trying to get away with "yeah well it's magic so of course this works" and I hate that because even magic needs explanation and build up. So yeah. Either cut that shit out or have it established sooner. And while seeing the one person who helped Jayce as a kid did kind of help, it still wasn't enough for THIS, though again MY OPINION. Also we spent way too much time there, it was getting ridiculous. So much time could've easily been lent to stuff that actually needed it. I actually laughed out loud when Viktor started the healing process with Vander because come ON now, and I do not think they wanted me to laugh.

10. The stuff with Vander, Silco and Felicia (while cute) was unnecessary and weird. What I liked the most about Vander taking in Vi and Powder was the feeling that he didn't do it because he necessarily knew them very well but because he knew their mom was dead (that did show he and their mother did kind of know each other but so do like all the people in the lanes that is kind of established) and wanted to PROTECT. This new context sadly makes it feel like "well of course he stopped everything and took them with them and cared for them he knew them since birth, duh" when I always wanted to feel "well Vander is in his heart a good man who saw what terrible stuff this war and fighting did and then took in orphaned children because of course he would do that" if that makes sense? I feel this new thing took away so much from Vander, but again that's maybe just me.

11. So many jokes and scenes didn't land with me. The scene with Jinx trying to show Sevika her middle finger was SO GOOD and so Arcane that seeing the scene were they try to make it funny with Jinx's trousers and that enforcerer felt so out of place? Like what. That scene could have EASILY been cut and nothing would have changed at all. And that's what is the worst because there isn't one scene in season 1 that I feel could've been cut and there are so many of them in season 2.

12. Introducing Maddie in act 1 made me believe she'd be a bigger, even more of a threat to Zaun, character than she was and that's so sad. What I loved about season 1 is that every single character mattered. Even those we saw maybe once. This time around I hardly cared at all for any new character because they didn't feel like a Person anymore, they just felt like Plot. In season 1 episode 1 there is this scene, the first scene Vander gets to speak in. The only reason Huck meets the woman and the man to trait was basically so we get to know how the undercity works and establish Vander as basically its leader and protecter; The one people are loyal to etc. But it doesn't feel that way. It's something that naturally happens and every character in that scene, even the man and the woman we never see again, mattered and felt real.

yeah so those were really just my thoughts. I could very much go on but I also don't want to.

[trashbag-baby666]

okay okay okay this popped into my mind in english class this morning and now it's all i can think abt. hcs of hunter with a quiet and reserved s/o who's in a band ( either metal like him or indie rock ) and is really active and energetic when they're performing! IF YOU CANT / DONT WANT TO WRITE IT THEN DW, I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THE BRAINROT

The moment I saw this I had an idea in my head that was TOO good for HC’s so I really hope you enjoy this! But I also decided to go with one of my own OC, Peach Meridian to write this for because it fit her personality! You can find her at the bottom of my OC Masterlist!

Hunter stood next to Peach as she gathered her things she’d need for her last few classes.

Clay walked over to the two, “Hey Hunter what's up?”

“Hey Clay,” Hunter turned around and they high fived.

“Hey Peach,” Clay waved at the short girl with blue hair.

Peach looked up and waved at the other boy then went back to fiddling with her books.

“Are you busy tonight?” Hunter asked Clay.

“Nah. I was going to ask if you and Hunter wanted to chill tonight?” Clay smiled.

“Actually we're all going to see Peach’s band tonight down at the Verse.” Hunter looked over at his girlfriend. She closed her locker and slung her backpack on.

“You don’t have to come,” Peach whispered looking down at her white converse that she had scribbled and drawn all over. A small H in a red heart on the toe cap of the right converse.

“You should come! Pixie Hearts are so good!” Hunter began to brag then unzipped his leather jacket showing off their newest shirt design. In ransom note lettering it read ‘Pixie Hearts’ with hearts for the dots in the I’s.

“No, I’ll totally come!” Clay smiled, pulling out his phone. He pulled up their instagram and followed them, “Woah Peach I didn’t know you sang.”

“Yeah,” she smirked, tucking some blue hair behind her ear.

“I’ll meet you two there then, Hunter can you text me the time and stuff?” He looked up at the two.

“Okay,” Hunter smiled and watched as Clay pranced off. Hunter put an arm around Peach, “Let's get you to class.”

Peach smiled and looked up at her boyfriend. She never really talked to anyone that wasn't her parents, Hunter, Emily, or Kevin. She had immense anxiety around people but being on a stage with her band just made it all disappear. It made her feel in control.

She’d actually met all of her bandmates in a support group at their therapists office.

“Fuck,” Peach muttered as she was trying to get ready in the green room.

“What's up?” Hunter looked up from the couch he was sitting on.

“I just messed up this wing,” Peach shook her head and turned around looking at Hunter.

“Let me see that,” Hunter grabbed the eyeliner marker out of her hand and wiped away the eye liner on her right eye. Hunter gently applied the eyeliner wing symmetrical to the other one.

“There you go hun,” Hunter kissed her cheek and handed her back the eyeliner.

“Ew,” Stella walked in and grabbed her drum sticks off the coffee table, “You guys disgust me.”

Peach shook her head and giggled at her friend's comment.

“You guys are on soon,” Pixie Hearts manager came into the green room, “Where is Millie and Ariel?”

“Right here!” Ariel and Millie said in sync as they came into the green room.

“Okay great,” Marco smiled, clasping his hands together. He was a short italian man with thick wide framed glasses and knew everything there was to know about guitars.

“Let's go out there and show them that we’re better than boys, No offense Hunter.” Millie smiled and grabbed her bass from its case tuning it as they shared their last thoughts before going on.

“We're going to slay the house down!” Stella giggled spinning one of her drum sticks.

“We’re going to make this our best performance to date!” Ariel tuned her guitar, “Any words Peach?”

“We’re going to do great,” she said just above a whisper with a smile.

“On three,” Millie put her hand in the center of their little circle, “One…two…three! Pixie Hearts!”

“Oh what was that?” Marco spoke into the walkie talkie, “Someone backstage that's here with Kevin and Emily. His name is Clay?”

“Oh yeah that's our friend.” Hunter wrapped his arms around Peaches waist and kissed her on the cheek, “Break a leg Peach, but not actually don’t do what I did.”

“Okay, love you.” Peach giggled.

“Love you too,” Hunter waved as he walked out of the greenroom then to the side stage with Marco.

Peach looked in the mirror making sure her space buns looked right and her makeup.

“You look great Peach,” Millie hugged her best friend.

“I know I’m just nervous, we've never played a venue this big.” Peach sighed and tugged on the shirt she had tucked into the black high waisted jean shorts.

“Okay Marco is calling for us over the in ears lets go,” Ariel sighed.

“Okay let's crush it!” Peach smiled and put in her in ears walking to the stage.

“It kinda shocks me that Peach sings in a band. I've maybe heard her speak 20 words in the whole time we’ve gone to school together.” Clay leaned over talking to Hunter. Hunter, Emily, Kevin, and Clay all stood in front of the barricade to watch them.

“Oh just you wait,” Emily smiled looking over at Clay.

“Yeah she’s…a lot different on stage.” Kevin nodded.

People started to go fucking nuts as the lights lowered and there was pink stage lights flashing.

Stella, Millie, and Ariel walked out onto the stage, the crowd screaming and yelling. They waved and smiled, Stella sat behind her kit and started playing the intro to their opening song.

Then Peach came running out onstage and waved taking the microphone from the stand.

“My dear I feel you're quite confused

You lie in my ear and claim you've never felt this before

Feeding me phrases from your Arsenal

Singing fake promises while your fingers' on the door

Well my dear I'm taking back all I said

Tripping over my thoughts again.”

Peach sang, dancing all over the stage with a wide smile across her face.

Hunter loved watching her perform; she loved being onstage and her confidence would spike. Hunter looked over and Clay had his eyes wide with a smile.

Half way through the song Peach got on her knees right in front of them and sang the interlude part.

“From Olympus

I wear my crown

From the Krakken

You will drown

There seems to be confusion between

Who here is the royalty

Aphrodite is crying

And Phanes is dying

Hades will know your name.”

Peach winked at Hunter and got up singing the rest of the song.

At the end she grabbed onto the mic stand and looked around catching her breath.

“Wow hello everyone,” Peach smiled looking around at the sold out venue, “Thank you all for coming. Now let's get crazy!” Peach shouted into the microphone starting the next song.

After the show the rest of the band helped pack up all their equipment into Millie's van deciding they’d take care of it tomorrow.

Peach ran over to Hunter as he waited for her at his car.

“You guys were so good!” Hunter scooped up Peach, spinning her around in a circle. He set her down and they shared a kiss.

“That was your best performance yet,” Emily hugged her.

“Thank you,” She smiled, still speaking a little louder than a whisper.

“You Are so loud on stage…it's crazy but I love it.” Clay spoke to the short girl.

“Being on stage is just different,” Peach snuggled into Hunter's side as he had an arm around her.

“You guys are better than Skullflower. Maybe we’ll get to open for you sometime.” Hunter giggled.

Peach nodded and gently squeezed him in a tight embrace.

[hella1975]

I just applied for a breakfast waitress position in a hotel do you have any tips if they accept me oh great hella

omg im so excited for this ask yes i DO have tips anonstie i have so much to tell you hi im hella ive been doing different waitressing jobs since i was sixteen here's what i know:

your first 3 weeks/month are the golden time. im being so serious when i say ask ANY question you have. you will have stupid questions. you will panic about which way a tap gets turned or where a plate goes. you will feel like a tit. ask anyway. in this time NOTHING you do can get too harshly judged bc you're the 'new person' and it stays that way for a good 3 weeks SO ASK AWAY. a month is pushing it but honestly rather ask in the first month than fudge it yourself and make a mess

dont try and carry three plates straight away. just.... dont

you will drop things. you WILL break things. i promise you they're not going to fire you

you will have some of the most outragously awkward encounters with customers. this is probably their fault (they told a bad joke, they dont look at you when they talk, they're generally an asshole) BUT sometimes it'll be your fault. the other day my mate was serving this old bloke and he said he was just waiting for his wife because she was 'out partying', to which my mate laughed thinking he was telling a joke. it was only when she walked away that she realised he said 'parking' and she laughed really hard at it for seemingly no reason and she literally had to go to the office and put her head in her hands. she's been waitressing there for two years

speaking of other staff. god. omg. okay. yes, all chefs are that much of an asshole it's not just yours. no, age-gaps are not frowned upon in the catering industry. yes, everyone is shagging each other all of the time. good luck

dont slag any of the other staff off until the first month is over. even if that staff member is the designated victim of everyone's abuse, just dont join in yet. the last thing you want is to join in on harmless bitching bc you think it'll appeal you to the staff just to find out you've gotten involved in some deep-seated years-long politics. also it's just respectful. you're new at the end of the day and you dont really earn a right to an opinion on anyone until youve been there a while lol

bring food to work with you. worst case scenario it sits in your bag untouched bc you dont get hungry. best case scenario you're on your feet for a 10 hour shift with no progress on your staff meal and suddenly that tesco egg and cress sandwich you packed looks a lot like god

also drink water!!!!!! literally no one acknowledges how fucking hard waitressing is but you are ON YOUR FEET FOR HOURS moving the entire length of the restaurant usually carrying shit AND dealing with the social drain of constant interaction. you need to take care of yourself

dont write down verbatim what the customer ordered unless you can write very very quickly. you'll get used to your own shorthand bc FUCK KNOWS customers cant seem to recognise what it looks like when someone is clearly still writing and they tend to just KEEP FUCKING TALKING

that's another thing. never underestimate how stupid and/or rude people can be. you're going to experience levels of ridiculous unbenownest to you until now. you are going to hear shit come out of people's mouths that you thought humanity had evolved past centuries ago. get that poker face down

it's okay if it gets to you. there's going to be shit days where every customer you speak to tears a strip off you and it's fucking DRAINING. im lucky bc i genuinely dont view customers as other human beings so literally nothing they say to me even resonates, but other people get upset and need to cry. that's okay. everyone has terrible days. it's a natural reaction to people being rude to you so just remember it's a VERY impersonal industry. you'll make mistakes that you're convinced will make people (either customers or other staff) hate you but honestly? it'll be forgotten about the next day

know from the start what shifts you're willing to do AND MAKE YOUR MANAGER AWARE OF IT. are you part-time? if so, specify how many days MAXIMUM you're willing to work a week. can you work sundays? say so if you can't. if you say all of this stuff repeatedly from the beginning then when the day inevitably comes that you've been put on rota five days in a row or they've stuck you on a sunday regardless of buses, you can shrug your shoulders without any guilt and turn it down

clean up after yourself. dont see yourself as above any jobs. polish the cutlery when it needs doing (this is your friend). clean up the coffee counter. your employer - especially when your new - wants to see INITIATIVE, not just an ability to follows instructions. when there's nothing to do and you've done what you were told, FIND SOMETHING TO DO. if you cant think of anything (though dw the longer you're there the more familiar you'll become with the little jobs), then ask another waitress or your manager if you can help with anything. it makes you look eager and on the ball

there's a hierarchy in the catering industry and it can get nasty. for example, barback and kitchen porter are seen as really unprestigious roles and as a result a lot of the staff are really horrible to them. dont fucking do that. waitresses have a really awful reputation for this kind of bitchiness and it's not nice. your job isnt superior. dont just dump your plates with the kp when there's food still on them. talk to the barback instead of just handing them your empty glasses without even acknowleding them. youd think this was all a given but it really really isnt

try get in with the chefs. typically their egos are really fragile but that can work in your favour. even if you just get on well with ONE chef, the kitchen staff are usually quite loyal to each other so that'll get you in with the rest of them. it just makes your day easier bc you can relax with them more, so checking your orders and getting yourself food isnt a faff

learn the menu as quick as possible. a good place will give you some sort of food-orientated role at first for exactly this reason (e.g one of my first ever shifts i did 10 hours JUST on the food passe. i wanted to die but in a single shift i knew that menu like the back of my hand and it makes life soooo much easier). still, you'll trip up a lot at first when customers ask the dreaded 'do the fishcakes come with _____' and you dont know the answer. smiling sweetly and going 'oh im not sure actually, i'll just go ask someone for you :)' is your best friend. to this day i still say this (though that's for drinks bc im HOPELESS at remembering what we have on tap)

have fun! it sounds dumb but if you like where you're working then waitressing can honestly be such a laugh. it's a job that has a real solidarity aspect to it and it bonds people. dont deep anything and just enjoy yourself <3

[reynie-muldoons]

'The Dance of the Celestial Orb' liveblog!

for real this time lmfao

book and show spoilers below

I'm ✨nervous✨ please let our children be okay

0:10 this Sticky arc hurts me so kuch

1:35 this music is BUMPIN

2:22 I just wanna know how she got under there without the dude seeing her

2:47 "all systems go" for the Improvement.... yikes 😬😬😬

2:55 she didn't wait even 5 seconds after they left, the door was still closing when she popped up 😂 can you imagine if one of them doubled back right at that moment

3:18 they look like the dudes from that veggietales movie, I think it was Esther- the island of perpetual tickling?? Anyone??? 😂😂😂

4:00 Kate vented.......

4:51 "not a rat" yeah no shit

5:07 if not for the suspense, I would be jamming out lmaooo

6:10 Mr. Benedict is looking at the shoreline, is he about to watch Kate dive in???? Because I mean that's where she's gotta be going

6:20 "memory challenges"? Is Rhonda talking about Milligan's amnesia, or has short term memory been affected as well??

6:29 .....thank you for answering so efficiently 😂

6:42 "I buy it. I completely.... buy it." RHONDA THAT'S NOT HELPFUL AHSKSHDJKD

6:56 can you imagine seeing your friend go down in a sub then hours later seeing the sub float up in fucking PIECES

7:06 KATE! KATE! KATE! KATE!

7:06 please let it be reunion time

7:25 oh hello that's a drop

7:38 *to the tune of Bezos I* come on Katie u can do it pave the way put ur back into it

7:51 she craves that mineral

8:06 Sticky, my child

8:20 oh my gosh they went out and LOOKED FOR HER I care them 😭😭😭

8:23 SHE KNEW HIS DREAM SHE KNEW HIS DREAM TELEPATH TELEPATH TELEPATH

8:34 STICKY STOPPPP

8:40 "jumping to conclusions is a failure of character" wow that really is something Curtain would say

8:52 angry Reynie. He is in rare form

8:54 "and you helped put her there!" OOOOOOOH I SCREAMED

9:03 "I shouldn't have yelled" okay but you kinda should have Sticky needs a wake up call

9:06 "dont apologize. I like this side of you." IS THIS THE START OF REYNIE AND CONSTANCE HAVING THE BEST SIBLING RELATIONSHIP

9:22 "if you really cared about me, you'd want me to be happy instead of standing there telling me who I am" oh Sticky my dude I am NOT digging the manipulation

9:36 Reynie pulling out the BFF card!!! Also Reynie digging in his feet because he knows he's right!!!! That's great setup for his arc as a strategist later

9:48 "I'm telling you, Kate's fine." Narrator: Kate was not, in fact, fine.

10:03 "they'll notice." Sticky has made one (1) good point.

10:11 oh dear god are they fingerprinting this bitch

10:19 all this equipment, has no one walked up to the cliff and looked down???

10:23 HAHAHAHA WAIT THEY ACTUALLY HAVEN'T

10:27 "we've been out here all night" that means Kate has been clinging to a cliff by her fingers and toes ALL NIGHT????

11:04 babe I know it's been a long night but maybe wait a second for them to actually leave before you climb back up

11:15 BUCKET NO

11:22 she has to go get it. There's no way someone wouldn't find that shit, it's in plain view

11:37 "WAS"???? WHY ARE WE SAYING WAS????? NO PAST TENSE HERE MILLIGAN'S FINE

11:43 "I only wish we could've known him better" NOOOPE NONONO WE'RE NOT DOING THIS

11:47 Rhonda back at it as the voice of reason!!!!!

11:59 "I have never met a more competent swimmer" throwback to "the baaAAAYYYY"

12:10 MR. BENEDICT'S FACE HAHAHAHA HOLD ON LET ME TAKE A PICTURE IM DYING

12:11 NUMBER TWO, NOT HELPING

12:14 RHONDA'S FACE HAHENDJDKDN

12:33 "we will go rescue him" because of COURSE he would

12:36 Rhonda is his best wingwoman omfg she's so consistent

12:54 MISS PERUMAL??????

12:56 MISS PERUMAL!!!!!!

13:00 SHE KNOWS HE'S RIGHT GAKSHDBDHEKSNND

13:09 "how hard can it be? It's an island!" PFFFFT

13:16 oh SQ baby boy please get out of there

13:25 "I certainly have my own suspicions" he said, looking at SQ why are you looking at SQ like that

13:31 SQ GET OUT OF THERE PLEASE IS2G

13:36 here we fuckin go

13:43 the captions have the f in forest capitalized like it's this special place

13:43 new hc that the Forest is a magical place like pixie hollow

13:57 TWO THINGS: 1. YES stand up for yourself baby!!!! 2. Shepard Quaid? Interesting! I don't think we ever got SQ's full name in the books, I hope TLS made that decision!

14:08 your "father hat"??? Oh my gosh shut the fuck up right there don't even continue

14:16 oh yeah real fuckin cute put on your "steward of this institution hat" and call that a good reason to be a shit person

14:43 "No." GOOD FOR HIMMMM GOOD JOB SQ

15:03 Kate's struggling right by the shore where a certain someone would be returning after a very hard swim, it would be a great time for a meeting wouldn't you think

15:09 KATE THE GREAT

15:11 "THE TRAPESE GODDESS" I WILL REFER TO HER AS NOTHING ELSE

15:26 sorry but that green screen of her falling was kinda funny

15:28 soooooo is someone, a very certain someone, gonna catch her...??????

15:36 YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

15:43 IS THIS IT????@?@?!?

15:46 awww poor baby girl you can tell how tired she is

15:46 just putting this out there- they look so good in frame together

15:46 the actor who plays Milligan is fucking huge in stature so I wasn't sure how that would go but it looks so good

16:00 THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER WITH HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I CANT DO THISSSSS

16:20 "keep going." 😭😭😭😭😭

16:23 "you dont understand." Ohhhh I think he does

16:25 "I think I do." What did I tell you, he's got your back babygirl

16:45 I'm so glad she's talking this out, and with Milligan of all people

17:01 it makes so much sense for Kate to feel alone in that situation, and when Kate feels anything less than positive she goes and does something, whatever that something is.

17:05 "So.. I...." "fell off a cliff and nearly died." Thanks for putting things into perspective Milligan

17:05 Milligan is such a good dad stop

17:19 "most of the way" is an understatement LMFAO

17:29 I'm so glad we know the intimate details of Milligan's illustrious swimming abilities 😂 out of all the new things wfrom the show that one wasnt on my radar

17:52 leave it to Milligan to come up with an escape plan off of an island with no water vessel with four kids in tow

18:08 THEYRE SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭

18:08 lowkey I'm super surprised they didnt take this opportunity to have Milligan's arduous swim force his memories out and have the father daughter bonding time they deserve. I hope they give that moment ample time to flesh out.

18:13 BUCKET!!!

18:13 wait that shot is so artsy hold up lmfao

18:13 this looks like someone's photography final hahahaha

18:26 THE TENDER MUSIC STOPPPP 😭😭😭

18:41 Sticky is still on that jumping to conclusions bs he got from Curtain

18:44 WETHERALL'S WIDGET 😭

19:31 "Kate... she's in danger..." NO SHIT SHERLOCK

19:36 "and it's all because of me." Not just because of you but love to see you taking responsibility

19:52 once again I am asking WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IN THE OPEN

20:26 "Kate. She has changed." "Not really. She's always been who she is." "Her clothes. She changed clothes." PFFFT HAHHAHA they really took a moment of self-reflection and made it so much better

20:55 AYYYYY KATE'S DEPENDENCY ARC CONTINUESSSSS

21:35 yikes yikes yikes

22:16 I love that Mr. Benedict got closure in telling Miss Perumal that her words stuck with him

22:40 the way she just knows Reynie took the position of leader 😭😭

22:54 SHE WROTE HIM A LETTERRR

23:02 "Would it be possible to get this to him?" Ma'am what part of undercover spy don't you get

23:54 it's still really weird that we are now in a position where Reynie is the one who is not trusted and Sticky is the one in Curtain's favor

24:13 and here we see Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues shining through

24:21 "the little things matter. Every minor detail, it all matters!" CALLBACK TO MR. BENEDICT TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THEY ALL MATTER

24:55 "I can tell with complete accuracy when a person is lying." first of all, no. second of all, I cannot wait for him to talk to Constance.

26:33 why is Mr. Benedict graphically explaining the children's potential trauma so funny to me

26:40 "you're catastrophizing." "Yes. I am. Quite severely. Thank you." WHY IS THIS FUNNY

26:58 MADGE!!!!

27:16 she's so prettyyyyy

27:33 GOOD JOB MADGE!!!!!

27:36 wait did she just take the LETTER??? she's delivering the LETTER?????

28:05 WHAT DOES "OKAY FINE" MEAN??? REYNIE??????

28:22 it's sad because it's true 🥺

28:24 "I miss my teacher from the orphanage" the best lies are the ones rooted in truth 🥺🥺🥺

28:48 roll credits

29:16 Reynie honey Orion's Belt isn't on the ceiling

29:29 the way he was so confident that he had it right 😑 Curtain Stop Being a Pretentious Fuck challenge

29:52 our babygirl is so smartttt

29:55 did Milligan plant his prints 😳 oh no OH NO

29:57 MARTINA???? WHATSUEJHDKD

29:57 is this the replacement for when they pin cheating on her????

30:03 THE KEY CARD!!!!

30:11 MADGEEEE

30:21 "one attacked me as a small child" honey you are a small child

30:24 "it did not win," she said, smiling menacingly

30:40 "so we dance again" WHY DID THE MUSIC REV UP WHEN SHE SAID THAT HAHAHAHA

31:01 ✨woodworking is a passion✨

31:58 "was it functional?" "Well I guess that depends on how you define functionality" RHONDA'S FACE IN THE BACKGROUND HAHAHAHA

32:10 OH HEY MARTINA

32:17 wait 🥺

32:22 that has to be SQ :)

32:28 hi sweet boy

32:34 please tell me they did that shot of the sandwich because Madge is about to take it

32:39 LMFAOOOOO

32:44 hi good girl!!! Enjoy your snackies

32:50 oh god oh no the LETTER

33:25 oh wow we're doing this NOW??

33:52 and here we see another example of Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues bubbling to the surface

34:10 hey what if you uhhh weren't such an asshole

34:33 that man's voice is buttery

34:52 REYNIE'S TRYING TO TELL SQ????

35:02 and they're talking about this right in front of the office door, WHY??

35:24 AND THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE DOOR, WHY????

35:55 he's letting him go 🥺🥺🥺🥺

36:14 why does that look like a body bag

36:17 oh my gosh it definitely is a body bag, hey Martina

36:25 yep, that's about what I expected

36:36 "whoever did this to me, they're gonna pay" oh girl do I have some bad news for you

37:12 ahhhh, so Martina is the burnt out gifted kid who keeps going out of spite and sheer force of will

37:12 everything makes much more sense now

37:30 ohhhhh my gosh feelings time

37:44 "I think it's awesome." "Yeah. I know you do." THE SHIPPERS ARE THRIVING

37:54 THEY REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS AS PAINFUL AS POSSIBLE HUH

38:10 "it's the least I can do" that's an understatement 😬

38:14 AAWWWWW SHKSHSLSBDK

38:20 "I don't know what I'd do without you, Wetherall" STOPPPPP

38:30 HEY BUD UH MAYBE CLOSE YOUR DOOR???

38:38 he's been writing letters to her every night and now he finally gets one back 😭😭

39:34 so Miss Perumal wrote this letter with the intention of it being sent to him, right- why did she write it like that?? 😂

39:34 they've gone to such lengths to communicate in code but the letter kind of undermines that- it was written in such a way that an onlooker would know Reynie was a spy but wouldn't know what he was doing or why. No wonder SQ was pissed

39:41 KATE!!

40:10 BREAKING NEWS: local bastard man treats everyone like shit

40:15 ohhhhh SQ bud please be careful

40:30 "always have time for my son," he said in a clipped voice that implied that he does not have time for his son

40:35 ohhh he's getting RIGHT INTO IT HUH

40:41 you mean to tell me he's never asked about Mr. Curtain's work?? Ever???? Somehow that doesn't seem right to me

40:57 hey uh what if you didn't talk down to SQ at every opportunity

41:02 "would you care to reconsider that answer, son?" "No." DIG THOSE HEELS IN SQ!!!!

41:22 I'm really not digging that Curtain is using the guise of openly expressing his feelings to communicate his anger and his unasked question. Not cool bitch head

41:33 the fact that he didn't answer SQ's spoken question kind of also answers his unspoken question

41:45 "I knew there was something off about that girl. But espionage?" "How do you so convincingly fake a tetherball obsession?" I love that this entire conversation could be about Martina or Kate interchangeably

42:34 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

42:36 IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO FIND WITH BINOCULARS HOW HAD THEY NOT BEEN SPOTTED UP UNTIL THIS POINT?!!?#? HOW????

43:05 Kate advocating for Martina with the Society 🥺🥺 the interaction I didn't know I needed

43:58 "I definitely don't like to leave anything unfinished." "That's true, I've seen you eat." PFFFFT

44:05 YESS YOU GO STICKY USE YOUR ACCESS FOR PRIME INTEL

44:19 "well, you can't succeed without me, so..." baby girl you have no idea how right you are

44:28 please let that be Milligan PLEASE LET THAT BE MILLIGAN

44:32 YEAAAAAHHHHH

44:35 I simply adore him

44:45 "would you mind helping me down, please? I'm stuck." Your honor I would die for this man

44:54 oh shit, Martina's tryna sleuth it out herself.. this can't end well

45:04 is she about to find Kate's marbles or something?? Callback to the book?

45:26 the absolute MURDER in her eyes

45:31 FUCKIN YIKES

45:41 "the clothes of someone who had given up" ASEJDGEIDNDLFK

45:47 well that's not good

46:00 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

46:04 PLEASE let them be on their way already, please

46:14 THEY MADE A BLIMP????

46:17 Goodyear is QUAKING

46:35 why the fuck is Number Two in red, that's upsetting on principle

THEYRE JUST ENDING IT THERE???? goddamnit!!!!

How surreal is it that next week is the finale?? Idk if I'm ready for that????

[we-are-inevitable]

guys oh my GOD i just found my newsies rants from the first BIG night of my hyperfixation and. hng. there's so much good content in here

*messages copy and pasted under the cut!

NOTE: all of these messages are from April 19, 2020- the first day of my newsies hyperfixation!

listen racetrack and crutchie are some of my babes and i fucking love them

BEN TYLER COOK IS THE ONLY VALID RACETRACK AND I DESPERATELY NEED THEM TO REDO THE CAST ALBUM TO GIVE HIM THE SPOTLIGHT HE DESERVES

I CANT LISTEN TO KING OF NEW YORK ANYMORE BECAUSE. IT ISNT RACE. dont get me wrong racetrack from the soundtrack is like. really good but he ain't livesies racetrack good

also everyone ships race and spot which is valid but idk I just feel like race and albert have more in common?? like. spot is a great character and all of the Brooklyn Newsies deserve so much more screentime and so much more content but i just feel like the only reason people like race × spot is because of the Inner-Bourough Relations and the territorial stuff (bc the brooklyn bois are pretty spooky) but race × albert is so much cuter ?? like they're both Manhattan newsies and they share a lot more screentime and they have a lot more in common and like !! their interactions throughout King of New York makes me cry so hard i love them so much

something is telling me that if i dont learn All Of The Newsies by tomorrow i'm gonna scream

so i think later today i'm gonna rewatch livesies, then watch 92sies, then make myself a google slides presentation with a pic of each newsie and their name so i can figure this shit out

JACK AND CRUTCHIE ARE BROTHERS BUT WE STILL STAN THAT JACK/RACETRACK DYNAMIC

if anyone tries to tell me that racetrack ain't Jack's #2 Dude i WILL bite i dont care

like??? we literally see race kinda take charge after the bulls bust up their strike and jack fucks off to be Emo On The Rooftop (which is still valid and i love him for it) but race steps in and lifts everyone's spirits again and god i love him for it

it's real "Loving Racetrack Higgins Hours"

OH OH OKAY SO THE EMO ROOFTOP SCENE

LIKE. FUCK. people kinda got on Jack's case for leaving after the big fight breaks out and the bulls take Crutchie, but what else can he do? jack is 17. he's scared. he's dealing with his own trauma after what happened to him at The Refuge (which is never explicitly stated, but his reaction leads me to believe there was definitely some kind of ab•se (and its canon that the officers at the refuge don't feed the kids as they should)). he's seen as the tough guy, as the leader, as the father figure for all of the newsies, but he's a kid. he put his life on the line for them, but that's too much responsibility for a teenager.

jack got thrown in the refuge- a jail for kids- because he stole food and clothing for the other boys. he did everything he did for everyone else, without ever taking his own feelings into consideration; it was never a case of "what's in it for me?", it was always "will this help the guys i love?" and that is Jack's biggest quality i think.

anyway- so, he disappears after the fight because he's guilty. he watch his best friend- no, his brother- get taken by the bulls and watched the others he loves get hurt, and he couldn't stop it. again, this is a 17 year old we're talking about. his whole Santa Fe scene is the most pivotal part of the show in my opinion? like- we see Jack having a breakdown, essentially. "just be real is all i'm askin', not some paintin' in my head" is such a painful line because he's holding onto the hope that somewhere he's never seen is good enough to risk leaving his life behind for, and we see the struggles between wanting to stay and help his friends and wanting to get out and live and be able to have a life where he doesn't have to live with such a huge responsibility on his shoulders.

ALSO THE WHOLE THING WITH THE GUYS THINKING JACK IS A SELLOUT BECAUSE HE GOT MONEY FOR TRYING TO CONVINCE THE NEWSIES NOT TO CONTINUE THE STRIKE HURTS MY HEART

like Pulitzer basically said "if you don't tell them to stop this, i'll personally make sure all of them end up in the refuge" and even used Davey as a plot device, since Davey is one of the few that has folks and a little brother, and Pulitzer essentially said "you wouldn't want your pal Davey getting separated from his family, would you?"

Jack believed in the Strike, and he believed in the Newsies, but he couldn't handle the risk of more of his family getting beaten and thrown into The Refuge, and it kills me to see that he couldn't tell the others why he suddenly had a "change of heart", and that they all think that jw just gave up on them until they realize later on that Pulitzer manipulated him right where it hurt most

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT NEWSIES AND NO ONE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH SO UH,, IM SORRY YOU GUYS GET THE SHORT END OF THE STICK

listen i could write an entire essay over Santa Fe and i love that song and it's just such an iconic "I Want" song and !!! fuck !!!!!! it's so sad but it bops!!!!!

"folks are fightin, bleedin, fallin, thanks to good old Captain Jack! Captain Jack just wants to close his eyes and GO"

and then theres a really long pause and his voice cracks and the next line just ?? hurts me ??

"let me go, far away, somewhere they won't never find me, and tomorrow won't remind me of today"

HE'S SO SAD AND STRESSED AND HURT AND GUILTY AND JUST WANTS TO LEAVE THE SITUATION TO PREVENT ANYMORE BAD THINFS FROM HAPPENING ADN I JUST WISH I COULD HUG HIM

i just realized ive been ranting for 30 minutes i love u all goodnight

[kornito]

SOURCE: https://korngiant.tripod.com/kornisgoodforu/id10.html

Dead

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

All I want in life is to be happy", it's that simple. People say that it's become their own anthem. It's like whenever I start to feel good, something comes and takes it away and I feel like I'm nothing again, like I'm dead.

Falling Away From Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The song is about domestic abuse and that there ways to get help whether it's telling someone or calling a help line, there are ways to get out of those situations. Noone has to be treated like that.

Trash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Trash" is about how I threw my world and everything out. I threw her away. I threw my old self away. It basically comes back down to the sex thing. The battles I did on the road, this whole album is what I went through because I was on the road and I went crazy.

Beg for Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Beg For Me" is more of an angry thing because the whole thing for "Beg For Me" is the crowd. The only time I was good on tour was when I walked up onstage and that's what the song is about. Feeling wanted is something one thing I've always needed. I was shuffled around so much when I was a kid...Being up onstage was the only point was the only time when my anxiety would go away for an hour.

Make Me Bad

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

I need to feel the sickness in you" ... It's spawned from f**kin', basically, from having sex. That's where that line comes from, but it means a whole bunch of things to me. "Make Me Bad" was about the battles I had being on the road, being married and being with other women. I'm not married anymore... beause of my lifestlyle, and I just couldnt do that to my wife anymore. So that ended. But does it make me bad that I have a dick and I have f**ken other feelings to be with other people? Why should I be with just one? It seems like human beings are genetically engineered to procreate. Thats what we do, f**k everything, and that's what our natural insides want to do. It is hard to find someone like that. But she was a good woman and I didnt want to keep on... I did the right thing, I was a man about it. It was better for me to tell her and let her go on with her life and find someone who could help her and be like that. So that song was spawned by that, does it make me bad to want to be with other women? In a sence it was my only drug, why... because I dont drink anymore, I cant drink. I've been sober for a year. I dont have any other vices. So at least doing that could be something.

Hey Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Hey Daddy" where I was schizophrenic and there were these voices telling me to do sh*t... To kill myself, basically. Daddy is one of my nicknames, so its like I'm talking to myself the whole time. It's hard to explain.

Dirty

Song Meaning: Jonathan

"I feel like a fucking whore to record companies." "You know how it is...the way we are used and marketed." "How they make all the money off us and we don't make shit!" "The only way we make money is to go out on tour and sell merchandise" "Basiclly we write all the music and turn in and they make all the money." "So I feel like that and also I feel like a slut cuz I'd go out at night and fucking girls and so I said fuck it, I'm going to do it. The only way to escape is to have sex." "Its all kind of different issues."

Its On!

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's On is my sh*t peer pressure song. Me being so stressed out going out and partying. Everybody's just going 'Come on dude, it's on.' That's partying, it's alcohol, cocaine, women. All that wrapped into one. I wrote a song about it. And the chorus I talked about Why am I really doing this? It's all my fault that I'm doing this because all the alcohol, the booze an the chicks do is just make it worse. They just rearrange all the problems in a different order that I can deal with at that moment.

Freak on a Leash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

One of the best titles I've heard ever for a song. That's my song against the music industry. Like me feeling like I'm f**kin' a pimp, a prostitute. Like I'm paraded around. I'm this freak paraded around but I got corporate America f**kin' making all the money while it's taking a part of me. It's like they stole something from me, they stole my innocence and I'm not calm anymore. I worry constantly.

Got the Life

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a song baggin' on myself. How everything's always handed to me. How I look up to God and don't want this anymore. Like I want something more out of life than all this. And I've got everything I really need but I sometimes don't like. I don't know how to explain it. I have to let it sit through the songs more to actually get into what I write. I truly know, really, the meanings of the songs almost. That's what I'm getting out of it right now.

Dead Bodies Everywhere

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the song about my parents trying to keep me out of the music business. My father was in it and he knew how it was and I totally understand now that I have a son. I want Nathan to be a musician but I him don't want him to go through the hell I went through. That's the same thing my Dad was doing. A lot of people can relate to it, because it's like the Dad's wanting their sons to be football players and their sons want to be doctors or something. That peer pressure its like trying to make them something they're really not. And the Dead Bodies thing is like so I did it and all I got out of it was dead bodies everywhere and got all traumatized. Thanks a lot Dad, Mom.

Children of the Korn

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's the song that Ice Cube is on Cube came up with the title. I fed off of what he wrote, he was talking about growing up and puberty. Dictating what he can do, like how you gonna tell me how to live and who to f**k? And all this stuff. And I took that and in my stuff I was talking about being a kid always known as the f**kin' town faggot. It's funny how things change. That some of these people picked on me and all of a sudden look who's laughing now. Also in another of the verse I talked about all these parents f**kin hating me for what I do, saying I'm corrupting their children, but in turn these parents need to step outside of themselves and really listen to what I'm talking about. Then I think they can understand that they were kids before. They're just really quick to judge me. All the Children of The Korn are all our Korn fans. All those kids going through that sh*t and feeling what I feel.

B.B.K.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Big black cock! That's what I call a jack and coke. Those little glasses they serve in Europe and everything. That's what I named it, big black cock. And that's another song about me dealing with the pressures of this album and how I, you know, I'm trying to kill myself, but you know? Do I really want to kill myself? Things I'm just questioning myself. Most of this is self-structured.

Pretty

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's a story about this little girl that came into the coroner's office when I was working there and she was f**ked by her dad. She was an 11 month old little baby girl. Her legs were broken back behind her and he just f**ked her like a toy doll and chucked her in the bathroom. It was the most heinous thing I've ever seen in my life and I still have nightmares about it.

All in the Family

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Fred was there after Korn TV and we said, 'Let's do a song together, Hey, man, let's go back and forth and rip on each other like an old school battle.' I don't know who's idea it was, I can't remember if it was mine or Fieldy's or Fred's but we came up with the idea and we started writing and we worked on it together. I came up with some bags on myself for Fred to say. It was all in good natured fun.

Reclaim My Place

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

This one is about the whole band and about all my life being called a homosexual. And then I became this big rock star in a band and I'm still called a fag even by my own band. So it's like I was f**kin' pissed off at them. It's like erase them all because I'm gonna reclaim my place and say hey, they owe a lot to me for what I did, and I owe a lot to them back. But, it still kinda sucks. I've never ever gotten away from that fag f**kin' title. Just because I'm a sensitive kinda guy. Kinda feminine it really sucks.

Justin

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Justin, that was the kid dying terminally with intestinal cancer. His last dying wish was to meet us and it really freaked me out. That threw a whole bunch of new kind of pressures on my head. That's really intense. Someone's gonna die and his last thing he wants to do is come hang out with us. So I truly just freaked out. It's like why would you want to meet me? What makes me so special? And in turn I talk about how I admire his strength and his life. I couldn't stare at him because he was so content he was gonna die. No one could look him in the eyes. And I totally admire his strength. I wish I had it.

Seed

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Seed. That's all about the same thing again. I laying in bed in my hotel room, thinking about do I really need all this stuff? All this pressure on me? Because I'm a stressed out freak. It's about Nathan, it's about every time that I look into his eyes, I see myself how I used to be, innocent and stress free. I'm kind of jealous of it. It really sucks, I used to be that way. It's like I have to work so hard at this thing in my life. I have to become a stressed out freak. I put food on the table for my child. Every time I look in his eyes, I just see myself staring right back at my @ss laughing. I was like care free, innocent as a child. It's really weird and I'm really jealous of it.

Cameltosis

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a love song. It's about women in general, women who hurt me. It's Tre's lyrics. He's going on about chicks and my chorus is like I'm so scared to love anyone and really let them in after I got hurt really really bad by a girl. I've let Renee in a little bit, to be honest, but I'll never be that in love ever again. That's what I'm saying, if you've loved twice, you're gonna get f**ked, 'cause you usually do.

My Gift to You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Renee always wanted me to write her a love song and that's why I called it My Gift To You. It's my gift to her, you know how I get sick. I always had a fantasy of f**king her and choking her to death. I fantasize about what it would look like me in her body and watching me do it. So it's like a really sick f**ked up song. I did it totally like, I love her so much, I want to take her out of this world. It's really strange. She used to leave notes on my pillow like 25 ways she'd like to kill me. She's got this weird death fetish. We're kinda f**kin' freaky. She got it. She's all 'Thank you that's kinda f**ked up. I was expecting a f**kin' I love you, baby kinda song.' I'm all, 'No, you know me.' I mean I can't do that.

Chi

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Chi is about a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. People turn to that when they have problems so that they won't have to feel their pain. The song was named after Chi Cheng from the Deftones. We named it after him because he used to call it reggae, and he loves reggae music.

Lost

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's the sterotypical thing about your best friend meeting a chick, and then you're nothing

Swallow

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's about being paranoid. Drug-induced paranoia.

Good God

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a guy I knew in school who I thought was a my friend, but who f**ked me. He came into my life with nothing, hung out at my house, lived off me, and made me do sh*t I didn't really wanna do." "I was into new romantic music and he was a mod, and he'd tell me if I didn't dress like a mod he wouldn't be my friend anymore."

"Whenever I had plans to go on a date with a chick he'd sabotage it, because he didn't have a date or nothing. He was a gutless f**king nothing. I haven't talked to him for years.

Mr. Rogers

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Back in the day when I was a speed freak, um... even further back when I was a little kid watchin' Mr. Rogers, that sh*t was scary. He was a freaky old man... Land of Makebelieve and Mr. f**kinMcFeely and sh*t... made me sick. So back when I was doing speed, like for 5 or 6 days I'd be trippin out and my brain would start to get freaky and get schizophrenic and stuff, and I'd tape it and watch it everyday over and over... I don't know, I was sick in the head. As a kid he told me to be polite and all it did was get me picked on. I f**king hate that man. Thanks for making me polite and trusting everyone, and easy to take advantage of. So I spent 3 months on that one song, just tweakin' on it, and it was totally just my Mr. Rogers obsession, about how evil I thought he was. Pretty much drug induced.

K @ # Ø % (Kunt)

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think it's sexist but it isn't. It's more subconcious b*tching at all the women who've been with me in my life. It's not about women in feneral, just those women who hurt me." "Initially, we wrote it to send to American radio for a joke, because they always chop up all the other songs. So we were going to send a 'real' single seven days later."

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It stands for all day I dream about sex. It's about how much of a pervert my ass is, and how I daydream about what a stud I am. But when it comes down to it, I'm a f**king pussy and I'm in there jacking off.

a** Itch

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the last song I wrote, and I was so burned at writing out lyrics because everytime I write I get depressed because I start thinking about things, you know? So the whole song is about that. In the chorus it says, 'Before day, my sun will be dying'. It's because I put myself on the line all the time and for what? Because people aren't going to be listening to it anyway.

Kill You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a relative I first met when I was 12. I f**king hate that b*tch. She's the most evil, f**ked up person I've met in my whole life. She hated my guts. She did everything she could to make my life hell. Like, when I was sick she'd feed me tea with Tabasco, which is really hot pepper oil. She'd make me drink it and say, 'You have to burn that cold out, boy'. f**ked up sh*t like that. So every night when I'd go to sleep, I'd dream of killing that b*tch. In some sick way I had a sexual fantasy about her, and I don't know what that stems from or why, but I always dreamt about f**king her and killing her

Ball Tongue

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The meaning of ball tongue is simple. Some thought it had to do with oral sex, but in fact its about a guy we had to work with on a t-shirt (Jeff Creath). He either had a pierced tongue or a wart or something on his tongue and he was a dick to us.

Different live: Jonathan goes into a Rap (by Coolio) Called "Loddi Doddi" in the middle of the song.

Clown

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Korn was playing a show in San Diego for a clothing card. This skinhead guy came up and started flippin' me off. When we started, I bent down and the guy took a swing at me. Our tour manager, Jeff, got into it and knocked the guy out. I wrote this song about him: 'Scared to be honest with yourself/you're a cowardly man.

Faget

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Everyone thinks I'm bashing gay people in this song, and I'm not. It's really about me going through high school being called 'pussy,' 'queer' and all that stuff, about getting picked on by all these jocks.

Shoots and Ladders

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It was written because all these little kids sing these nursery rhymes and they don't know what they originally meant. Everyone is so happy when singing but 'London Bridge' is about the Black Plague. All of them have these evil stories behind them." "The lyrics are all from nursery rhymes, and a lot of nursery rhymes go back to the Middle Ages. They're actually pretty twisted if you know the stories behind them, like about Black Death and stuff.

Helmet in the Bush

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a speed problem that I had. You know, you do a lot of speed and -- if you're a male -- your penis retracts severly. The guy heard at the beginning of the song is La Caco, a friend of the band. His real name is Michael and likes taco bell. He's a really Nice Guy and he has been friends with the band for years

Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think daddy' was writen because my dad f**ked me up the ass,thats not what the song's about. It wasn't about my dad or my mum. When I was a kid I was being abused by someone else and I went to my parents and told them about it. and they thought I was lying and joking around, they never did sh*t about it. They didn't belive it was happening to their son. I don't like to talk about that song, this is the most I've ever talked about it...

[equizona]

FNAF 1, getting them to like you and a few relationship headcanons?

Ook so this is a gift for my friend! We're both very big friends of FNAF, also this might be a bit long- also Purple guy is William Afton and I refer to him as both.

Freddy Fazbear

This guy ain't a fluffy teddy bear

Like at all

Well, atleast in the beginning

He is very violent and scary-

But as I said before, no idea how your going to make him not kill you

You better befriend the other animatronics first

Try with Foxy, surprisingly he is the friendliest-

But yeah, after you befriend Foxy, Bonnie and Chica, mabye even golden freddy, then they're probably going to try convincing Freddy not to kill you

It might not work, or it might

Most likely will

Get in with puppy eyes towards him

But yeah, after they convinced him to let you live, he's not going to be your friend

He's going to ignore you like no tomorrow

And scare teh shit out of you

Trying to get you to leave, he doesn't like you

Freddy was the last one to die of the animatronics, and he feels very guilty about it

If you find him in an episode where he is very panicky and guilty, hug him and tell him it's not his fault, he couldn't have prevented it

No matter what you do, do not say that it was William's fault, Freddy will go cray-cray and kill you

But yeah, after that he might warm up to you a bit

And then he will try going into conversations you hold with other animatronics

And after some time he will make conversations with only the two of you

Will be terrified of losing you or having Purple guy kill you and making you an animatronic

Boy will be so panicky and scared of confessing to you

What if you reject him and he never sees you again

Will take like a week of non stop support from the others to get him to man up and confess

Although, Chica will most likely just tell you how he feels, or mabye Foxy will

You can chose to Confess to him instead

Once that's out of the way and your together

Oh boy oh boy

Remember what I said about him not being a fluffy teddy bear?

Remember that I said not in the beginning-

He is now

So many hugs

He is the king of hugs

He likes singing and writing songs, get him stuff he can write with please

And give him ideas- .

Give this boy love- I stan freddy (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Like seriously, he's touched starved, shejdbsusnqua

Bonnie the Bunny

So, surprisingly

Bonnie is the second least friendly and second most violent

But unlike Freddy he's actually kinda friendly

You won't succeed in befriending him first

But you can with Chica

And if shes your freind Bonnie will be willing to give you a chance

If one of them is giving you a chance then he guessed he can to

Only to make his friends happy

And then you do become his friend

And then he and Chica are teaming up to make all the others like you and not kill you

Foxy was easy, he's a friendly fox lol

Goldie was a bit more difficult, but he got the memo of not killing you

And then you never see him again actaully-

Anyways

Bonnie is very violent and not very easy to become friends with

But he will do almost anything for his friends

It might take you a few weeks to make him your friend tho

He has slight trust issues-

Anyways, let him teach you guitar please

Also if you sing that's a plus-

After some time and he realizes he likes you?

Oh boy its oBviOUs-

Like he is so flustered and shy and isnt his normal self

He will never confess, so luckily he's obvious so you can confess to him instead

Bonnie also loves hugs

And will hug you if your in a relationship all the time

It's his right now, right?

No not relaly Bonnie but sure-

Anyways, flat out will do anything for you

Feels bad he wanted to kill you though-

Make sure he isn't feeling insecure about that

Also pat his head, will pretend he thinks it's stupid but he loves it-

Foxy the Pirate Fox-

You know, he is surprisingly the friendliest-

Befriend Chica and Bonnie before you meet him and he will show up to meet you because, 'the others are befriending them so why cant I?'

Again, he is a good fox uwu

Anyways, if you dont

When he is banging on the door, try making conversation

The second or third time you do that he will stop, sit down and talk to you

Also if Bonnie comes he will just growl at him

He may be the Friendliest, but he is almost on par with Freddy when it comes to strength, which puts him on the second place if strength

Not to mention his speed and hook

He buff boy

And he will protect you if he sees you as a friend

Not looking at him in the camera makes him like you more

Whether it's on purpose or not, it makes him feel like you want him over with you to talk and that yourepsect the fact he doesn't like being seen through the camera

Plz dont call him a wolf it makes him very angry-

Anyways, if you befriend him, none of the animatronics will be able to do shit

And so Chica befriends you instead!

And then Bonnie does it

And then emediantly the three will bothered Freddy until he let's you live

Freddy may be strong but he can't beat all three so he is kinda fucked on the matter

Goldie will just understand and stay away

Again you never seem to see him again-

Oh well

Anyways, the second Foxy realizes he likes you

He's at your security office door confessing his love-

Of course you except

And now your a thing

Ngl Bonnie will be weirded out in the begining-

So will Goldie but we dont know where he is so that wont matter now will it-

Anyways, very touchy

Will try to impress you whenever

Ejeeje will make Chica teach him how to make cake and pizza, he knows you need to eat and he makes it for you-

Will probably be terrible in the start but dont tell him you'll make him sad

But again, cuddling and hugging is a must-

But he won't touch you in the start

He's worried, he's strong and broken

And he has a hook-

He could end up hurting you

But after you hug him and tell him you trust him

He will be all over you every. Single. Second-

Lmao he's a good boy, keep him uwu

Golden 'Goldie' Freddy

Who?

Oh right

The golden teddy

Yeah, uhm

You cant befriend anyone-

If you even want to meet this boy stay away from everyone

And dont get scared when he appears

Question 'freDDy? I thOUgHt yOu weRe oN StaGe?' And he will lose it

Will start screaming stuff like "I'm not that ugly piece of shit-' "I'm golden why would you think I'm FredDy?"

Start laughing and tell him it was a joke

And he will be a flustered mess

Tease him about it

He will leave, but come back once he is less flustered

Do this a few times and he will stop trying to scare you

He is surprisingly friendly

And since you make him to flustered to scare or kill you, he will just have to be your friend until you stop so he can kill you

It ends up with you being a good friend

And making him feel better and less alone

So he ends up telling the others to fuck off

And spending all the six hours in your office with you

Ends up liking you very early on

And it takes him years to tell you he likes you

Surprisingly, its Freddy telling him to confess

Because 'your annoying just tell her already' but we all knownits because he cares about Goldie

And so he confesses

And you except because you wouldn't be here if you didn't :D

My hand hurts from writing and I still have Chica and the rest of Goldie to write-

Anyway, once you're together

You will learn he isnt actually that touchy

He will cuddle and give hugs once in a while tho-

Also stay away from freddy, the others are fine but he gets super jealous over freddy-

Ok onto ChIca-

Chica the Chicken

Shes very friendly uwu

Befriend her

Emediantly

Foxy will befriend you to, and so will Bonnie

And them they make Freddy 'befriend' you

Goldie gets the memo, and again nobody ever sees him again-

Seriously, what happened to Goldie-?

Anyway

Chica is so friendly

Your both going to be the best friends

She will make Cake and Pizza amtaht you can eat

And you can make it together

She will introduce you to cupcake

And then your all friends!

Shes very friendly

Also lots of gossiping about the animatronics and the outside world

And hugs, shes very affectionate

And friendly

Did I mention it takes her ages to realize she likes you?

No?

Because she does-

And it's a bit sad because who dosent want to date the chicken

Shes amazing

Also, shes the only girl so if your a girl she wont have to be the only girl anymore which is such a pLuS for her

She loves you with all her heart

Will not hesitate to start a fight with all teh other animatronics if it's for you

She may lose but she tried

Foxy would never fight her though, so its fine-

Bonnie also loves his friends so he wont

Which puts foxy and Bonnie away from the fight

Which makes it Freddy vs Chica

But we found Goldie

He wants to beat Freddys ass-

So nownits freddy vs Chica and Goldie

But Goldie tells Chica to fuck off

So now Foxy, bonnie, chica and you are chilling in the security office

It's a bit cramped not gonna lie

But you hear the two fighting

So you watch them trough the security cameras

It's very funny and your all laughing-

You all feel a bit bad but it's funny and you cant help it-

Chica is cuddling you all the time-

__________________

Why did I write this? What did Chica's turn into? Why am I doing this? Send me help-

Anyways, gift for my freind cuz why not and you all can have it to-

[spector]

i never understood why din took his helmet off twice! i actually really liked when he took it off in the imperial base-- i thought it did show some character development in how far he would go, what he would sacrifice to save grogu-- but taking it off again to say goodbye was just outright silly. and all the imperials in the place getting blown to bits minutes later kind of negated the emotional weight of him taking it off but maybe that's just me

i still didnt like the morak bit but youre right, there was a specific reason why din took it off, to do something to help his baby but at the same time, if u start to look at the specifics of the scene, then its just fucking silly

first of all, the imperial computer only needed to see A FACE. not a face of a stormtrooper, just a FACE. which is strange in itself, but ok, whatever, i’ll let it pass bc maybe it was taking pictures of everyone who accessed the database for later use. but like, if you are concerned about who uses the database then why not implement some sort of facial recognition gihfihgifhg what the hell

and then the reason why mayfeld cant do it is bc he's concerned that some imperial officer is gonna recognize him. ok then what all din needed to do is sit down next to that officer and try to talk to him and distract him long enough for mayfeld to do his stuff by the computer. i know its not the most EXCITING scene but the way they forced din to take off his helmet is just soooo forced and contrived?? mayfeld literally went ‘ooohh ooof there's some guy who MIGHT recognize me I'm scared you have to go access the face computer bc i cant owww’ 

another issue i have with morak is that. they picked.

they picked MAYFELD to be the one to challenge the entire Mandalorian culture. like who the fuck is mayfeld. he's nobody he wasn't even in the previous episodes and suddenly he's the mouthpiece of an Opinion?? and I'm not going to say that he's wrong bc in the essence he was criticizing that stiff rules are bad rules and that's a point i can agree with and i think even din agrees with. the point mayfeld was making was that sooner or later, there comes a moment when you have to bend the rules a little bit and if your rules don't allow for that then they're not good. and that's a fair observation (better than “YOURE IN A CULT”). however, the fact that its MAYFELD OF ALL PEOPLE delivering that point is just. downright silly, like who is that baldo. who is that. he doesn't mean anything to din, din has NOOOOOOOOOOOOO REASOOOOOOOON to even listen to anything he has to say. 

the really tragic thing is that because of the way they wrote mando s2, there is NO character that could have convincingly deliver that message to din. during s2, din made barely any emotional connections which is sooo funny bc this season is OVERLOADED with characters but din never has a meaningful conversation with any of them. the most meaningful connection he had in season 2 was that moment with the frog lady as she pleaded for the future of her kind and he related to it bc mandos are almost extinct too. and cobb i guess tho it was more. din monologuing at him and teaching him to be normal so it was a little bit one-sided

but from ep 3 forward... there's just nothing. they never let din have a moment with anyone, there are no connections. compare it to s1 where we saw din’s relationships with c*ra, greef and kuill evolve overtime. now they just throw people at him and expect us to care bc most of those characters come from other pieces of sw media and i know its very hypocritical of me to say this bc i love boba-- actually i have to stop i might be here for the rest of the night DFGHIDFHG I HOPE I COMMENTED ON UR ASK AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT 

[dragonblobz]

This shit. And the bigger the company, the worse it gets. I work for a larger company which specializes in healthcare. And thanks to the pandemic, our hospital has been nearly over capacity swamped with patients. Our hospital is acuity based, which is common in the acute psychiatric setting. For anyone that doesn't know what acuity based means.......

Lets say you have 15 patients on a unit. This is an acute care unit. That means we are where you go directly after a crisis. So we have all kinds of patients from those who are just really really sad and need meds and help NOW to those who want to genuinely KILL someone.

So we use current behavioral indicators to determine how many staff members we need to help these patients. Let's say person A, B, and C have made a safety plan and have promised that they wont harm themselves. So one staff member should be able to help these 3 patients.

Well let's say patient D has been making suicidal statements and has refused to promise that they wont hurt themselves. Naturally they need their own staff member. Their situation is critical and idgaf what anyone says, a person in that condition requires every bit as much attention as an ICU patient because they ARE an ICU patient.

Now with the spread of coronavirus our hospital is at capacity. As in we can't accept hardly anyone that needs help. As soon as a bed opens, it's being filled. And we have a quarantine unit now (I'll spare you the rant of how shittily my company has handled COVID19 quarantine).

We take people that are sad. We take people that are angry. We are one of the few behavioral facilities that will accept covid19 positive patients. Which is ABSURD BECAUSE I CAN THINK OF NO MORE CONDUCIVE ENVIRONMENT TO FOSTER DEPRESSION THAN BEING ISOLATED IN YOUR HOME.

Anyhow, if we get a patient that tests positive, they into our quarantine unit. With 2 staff members.

So let's say pre pandemic, to run a safe hospital we have 5 staff members on this 15 patient hall. Well now acuity has increased to the point of needing 12 staff members for this hall because we have a few positive tested patients that need to be quarantined. That means that night shift has to stay over and evening shift has to come in early. Overtime basically.

Now at first, we were all 100% and working our hardest. We wanted our patients to be healthy and safe and were willing to go the distance and work harder.

Now what would you do if you were running this company which suddenly has a tripled staff need during this pandemic? Maybe hire more people? Maybe offer bonuses to the staff members who've gone from 40 hour work weeks to 80 hour work weeks? Maybe tell them they're doing a good job?

What does MY company do? Mandatory overtime. As in "lol now you work 16 hour shifts 5 days a week and if you refuse there's the door" I actually fucking HEARD an office worker state that "Minimum wage MHT are a dime a dozen"

Y'all we're talking about actual direct patient care staff members who make minimum wage and do this sometimes very stressful or even violent job because they genuinely want to HELP people for a living. The person wiping someone's snot away not 15 minutes after that very patient cussed them out ain't doin that shit for 9 bucks an hour just "for money." Lots of our staff members have BEEN in that dark place and WANT to help.

Now I get mandatory OT to a point. The patients must be kept SAFE. But this ain't 2019. This is 2021. I personally have been working 80 hour work weeks for TWO YEARS

This AINT an emergency anymore. It's been YEARS OF THIS. YEARS. Over these 2 years, almost half of our staff has trickled away. They just cant DO it anymore. I've seen multiple divorces. Staff members relapsing or going into crisis because they are so exhausted and never see their families. To come to a job that tells them they need to increase productivity because they're lagging. Because they're TIRED.

They'll hire someone fresh off the street and throw them into the critical care unit with almost no training. And most people that have little experience in psych can get very overwhelmed by it. Our turnover rate has become asinine. We'll hire a staff member who quits after 2 weeks because nobody told them that they would be working 16 hour days 5 to 6 days a week. And this ain't custodial work, folks. I've worked 16 hours of getting called a "cunt" and having patients try to hurt me because I can't let them harm themselves.

I get emergencies. I get mustering together and working hard because pandemic. But after 2 years you'd think they'd have been like "hmmmm maybe we should hire a significant amount of people and give them quality training to increase staffing during this pandemic" but nope. Instead they're working the staff they have to the bone and writing people up because the only way to get a day off is to call in because they've worked themselves sick.

Hell I tested positive for strep throat a few months back. Tried to call in. They had me drive in for a rapid covid19 test and when I tested negative for that, they had me clock in knowing full well that I had active strep. Said they wouldnt accept a call in for it. That's normal in a lot of companies btw. If you look in our policy it does say a doctor's note doesn't have to be acceptable for a call in.

Anyhow I got another job so just gonna work my notice then I'm out of this job I've given 7 years of my life to. I'm tired of hoping for change and not seeing any. Let the manager that sits in the office all day calling and harrassing people to work instead of looking thru that stack of new applicant folders I know is sitting on the corner of her desk...... let HER go take care of those patients. Because that's the only way its gonna change. When those people that are driving us like slaves have to work the floor. Maybe then they'll decide it's time to start treating their minimum wage workers a little better.

[johnnyscancerstick]

Chap. 9

Warnings: feels, death, cursing.

Characters: Dallas Winston, Johnny Cade, Ponyboy Curtis, and a few random doctors and policemen.

Notes: @watermelon-chapstick , this is what I was talking about. I should let y'all know it takes a lot to make me cry. Teared up while writing this, and I think that means it's good enough to post. Lol, I'm well aware this was meant to be a shitpost, but I don't care. I wanted to write something feelsy and you damn know well I did and tried my best. I might make more of these in the future if people like this. Or, if people want more. I decided to post it on my own, not just a repost. I still put a lot of time into it, and I wanted it on my blog on it's own! This extra note is the only thing that's different — I didn't change anything else.

Word count: 1903

As quickly as it had started, it was over. Had this really happened? Or is it some fucking fever dream because of all the painkillers those hospital people had given me? No, it couldn't be. Dreams can't simulate this kind of stuff, we just beat the Socs!

‘I can't beleive they were gonna do this without me,’ that's not the only reason I wanted to do this, that's not the only reason I threatened to stab a bitch. Multiple. It was the only one I wanted to beleive but I know it's not.

I look down at Ponyboy, who was bleeding like hell and the rest of him looked even worse. He couldn't have been used to fighting solo, clearly. I shook my head, not going to ignore the situation any longer. I could miss my chance if I did that. I bent down and grabbed his collar, turning and yanking him up a bit after I started on a dead run. “Come on!” I couldn't hear myself. “We're goin' to see Johnny.”

Pony wasn't in any shape to be running but I could just remember Johnny's voice. He wanted to see everyone, but I knew there wasn't time. Ponyboy, if he could choose anyone to see it'd be him, wouldn't it? They were such good friends, and he's the one that will cooperate the most. Goddamnit, move faster! “Hurry! He was gettin' worse when I left.” don't think about that. “He wants to see you.”

I'd taken Buck's T-bird here and I didn't plan to go any slower than 110 to get back to the hospital. I got into the driver's seat and rhe second Pony was halfway in he car, I got into gear and slammed on the gas. I almost hydroplaned it across a curve and then I heard the sirins. Great, out of all the times. Think of something, Winston, think of something.

I don't even turn to the boy in the passenger's seat, but I find myself slowing down the car. “Look sick.” I say stiffly, furrowing my brows and narrowing my eyes. This could work, I don't have time for a police chase right now. “I'll say I'm taking you to the hospital, which'll be truth enough.”

The policeman said something like ‘Where's the fire.’ I wasn't paying attention. I glanced at him, I cant express how mad I was that he was slowing us down. Johnny only has so long!

“The kid.” I stayed cool, or at least I think I did, pointing at Pony. “He fell over on his motorcycle and I'm takin' him to he hospital.” Pony groaned a little, and I can't tell why.

The guy by the window looked nervous and glory, this was taking too long. “Is he real bad? Do you need an escort?” Oh, hell yeah, this could work. “How would I know if he's bar or not? I ain't no doc.” I fight a smile at how good this worked out. “Yeah, we could use an escort.”

The fuzz are really stupid, these days! “Sucker!” I hiss, he went back to his car. Now we didn't have to worry about traffic, or other cops. I don't know what I was mumbling about that entire ride there, I know I was talking about Johnny.

Once we were at the hospital I slammed the door shut and ‘helped’ Pony out of the car, but the second that police officer left, we were gone down that hallway. I heard yelling but I didn't even acknowlage them, I couldn't think of anything but Johnny, to the point where I let Pony's wrist go and I know he fell far behind. I didn't have time for an elevator, I raced up the stairs and almost clipped a wall a few times.

It felt like an eternity but I finally got to Johnny's room and I was going to break down the door if it wouldn't open. “I'm sorry, boys, but he's dying.” just those words sent horrible aches in my heart and I felt my chest tighten.

No, no, no. This isn't happening, he's not dying, he's not! Johnny can't die, he can't, this can't be happening. I take out Two's switch, whipping my head toward the doctor and jabbing it in his face. I didn't flick it open until I opened my mouth and started talking. “We gotta see him.” I said, my tone scared me even more than I already was, I hadn't heard myself like ths in a long time. I cleared my throat, furrowing my brows. I tried to be intimidating, I'd never had trouble with this before but now I was all trembly and it was visible, I could barely keep my hand still. “We're gonna see him and if you give me any static, you'll end up on your own operatin' table.” I sneer, I tried my best to keep my voice down.

This dude didn't even bat an eye, the little... Oh how I wanted to tell him off, I wanted to tell him just how much I needed to get into that room.

But he took me by surprise. “You can see him, but it's because you're his friends, not because of that knife.” I wasn't going to press, he was letting me in and for once I didn't want to fight. I put the switch back in my pocket and pushed the door open, I ran only for a few seconds before I swore something stopped me. I stumbled forward and made sure I didn't fall, and I could see Pony walk into the room out of the corner of my eye.

Johnny was white and looked still, I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not and I felt tears well up in my eyes. I gritted my teeth and shut them tight, it's not the end! Johnny isn't dead, he's not! He's just.. He's just asleep, he'll wake up any minute now. I took a few steps forward and wiped the sweat off my lips, “Johnnycake..?” my voice was low and hoarse, and I couldn't see even though it opened my eyes. I could barely hear anything else, everything else was shut off and didn't exist at that moment. Nothing was real, this wasn't what was going on. This really can't be happening.

Johnny didn't respond and I had to say something else. I had to prompt him again, this isn't how this ends. “Johnny...” I felt the hope drain from my whole body, but that little bit came up again when he moved. “hey..” his voice, god, that tore through my soul harder than anything else had.

I walked toward him after glancing at the Christopher around my neck, “We won.” I was out of breath and it was hard to get it back, I couldn't comprehend this and I just wanted to get him to say something. “We beat the Socs. We stomped them—chased them outa our territory.” I said, I was desperate at this point. Johnny's eyes were barely open and I couldn't tell if he could see the tears welling. I bit my lip as he just gave an unsatisfied hum, “Useless...” he croaked, “Fighting's no good...” he was so white, and I felt panic rising within me again.

No, he's dying and this isn't going to be the last thing I say to him! I gotta tell him something, something that'll make him smile, I've been keeping so much in about him all this time, how hard would it be to tell him now? When I literally have no other chance..!

I licked my lips and tried to find my voice through all the emotion, “They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all.” I tried to keep my voice calm, I didn't let it break, I didn't want to cry in front of him. That would make this even worse, that would make him feel awful, that would just be the worst thing I could do right now. “Yeah..” he hadn't responded yet but for the sake of my sanity I had to act as if he did, “They're calling you a hero now and heroizin' all the greasers.”

I couldn't say it, I just couldn't, it was too hard, I tried so hard but I couldn't.. Hopefully he'll get he message. “We're all proud of you, buddy...” I managed a smile, I felt hot tears run down my face. I tries to wipe them off, but they'd just look like dweat and I wasn't going to take my eyes off Johnnycakes.

He looked so happy, his eyes lit up. I let out a half sob and kept my composure, I took a deep breath and was about to day something else, but he spoke. “Ponyboy.”

I backed up. I wasn't going to take it away, I'd forgotten Pony was there. I'd forgotten anyone was there. Johnny wanted to talk to Pony, he'd already talked to me, danmit I'm so selfish.

I don't know what he said but as I stepped closer, he just...

I broke into a grin and felt more tears fall down my cheeks. I was trembling, I could barely keep myself up, I felt like the world spun around me and for some reason, I wanted to laugh.

I reached a shaky hand over and brushed his bangs off his forehead, “Never could keep that hair back.” I could hear I was under pronouncing any soft sounds and I saw everything blur around me. “That's what you get for tryin' to help people, you little punk...” reality was setting in and I found it hard to breathe. Johnny wasn't... He.... He was.. He's not.. No. He's fine, Johnny is fine, nothing happened, nothing's wrong. I took a quivering breath, the smile faltering. I tried and I tried to keep it up, I know this wasn't what was going on, I know he's... But no, no I won't believe this. This is NOT what's happening, it's not it's.. It's not... It can't be... Johnny can't be dead, oh he really can't be... “There what you get..” I couldn't get the words out, I whipped toward the wall and punched it as hard as I could.

“Damnit Johnny..” I didn't have the energy, I couldn't have screamed if I wanted to. I ground my fist and hit the wall again, grinding my teeth and trying to do anything but think of him.

Don't think of how he used to be

Don't think of what happened

Don't think of what happened to him behind closed doors

Don't think of what he did for those kids

Don't think of him not wanting to die

Don't think of him only being sixteen

Don't think of him never leaving Tulsa

Don't think of him...

“Oh, damnit, Johnny...”

Don't think of those mocha eyes and how they lit up whenever I smiled at him.

“Don't die..”

Don't think of how brave, persistent, and strong he was-

Don't think of how brave, persistent, and strong he is

“Please,”

Don't think of how he would have turned out.

Don't think of how good of a person he would have ended up being.

Don't think of all the things I could have told him

Don't think of all the things thst would have made him happy, thst would have made him smile.

“Don't die...”