#i cant say that on twitter but i will gladly say it here. i hope one of your cars traps you in it and the gas it leaks out kills you 💥💥💥

[risingsunresistance]

so twitter is like. DEAD dead now

[tpwkwriter]

Tour bus blues.

• even the biggest of stars get nervous before shows :/

————

It wasn’t often H felt nervous or anxious before a show, but when he did it was awful to see, his eyes which so normally so full of life and love were filled with a layer of gloss and worry.

Where his hands would normally wrapped around your waist or shoulders they would nervously be fiddling with the rings that sat perfectly on his fingers.

It was ‘one night only’ in New York, you and Harry’s team were backstage of the UBS arena frantically getting ready for the show, apart from Harry was no where to be seen.

It wasn’t until after 3 missed calls y/n was starting to worry, ‘cmon answer H please” she’d sigh while biting her nails in pure stress

“Any luck?” Jeff would ask

“No, none at all, I’m gonna go look for him” she’d stress.

While leaving the arena, not only the cool breeze of air hit her, but the sound of screams and chants of fans queuing up did, Thank the lord they were round the front and couldn’t see her, otherwise she would’ve been trapped in an obstacle course of fans.

Her eyes land on the tour bus, which is where they all spent the most time, she was hoping H was in there.

She creaked the door open and stepped inside revealing the dimly lit row of bunks inside.

“H? Babe you in here” she crooned

No reply.

The slid open the door to look in the lounge section of the bus. There it revealed her H sitting on the velvet sofa, hair messy, and head in his hands looking towards the floor.

“Baby” she murmured, with her gaze softening at the sight.

He looked up, eyes glossy and filled with tears, cheeks flushed and hands shaky.

Without a thought y/n rushed over to his side and knelt down beside him putting both hands on his thigh.

“M’baby, what’s got you like this?” She said, moving her hands to cup his face

He closed his eyes, and sunk into the comfort of her touch before answering.

“Cant do it..I cant”

“What if they hate it..the album” he adds

“H, what have I told you? Hmm the world absolutely loves it so far, people cant wait for your tours and shows and future releases”

“I’ve already heard about 10,000 people chanting ‘as it was’, people are gonna love it, in the short 10 hours of the album being out, they already seem to know all the words, hmm?” She continues pressing a kiss to his lips.

“You’ve worked so hard this baby, you deserve it so much” she stood up and offered him her hand to which he gladly accepted. Once the couple were stood up y/n took it upon herself to fix the mans tousled hair.

“Your gonna smash it out there, my pretty boy” she gushes running her hand through his hair.

“Hate bein this vulnerable sometimes” he says a small smile creeping up on his face.

“D’ya not love the extra lovin from your girlfriend huh?” She smiles leaning up on her tippy toes and kissing him once more.

“I love you y/n” he mutters

“Mm love you”

The what was a sweet moment was kindly interrupted by a frantic Jeff who slung open the door to the bus.

“Harry!! Y/n there you are” he pants

“Been looking for you everywhere!, now come on we have 10 minutes till showtime!” He exclaims running straight back out.

A giggle was left between the couples after that.

They locked hands and left to walk back into the arena, you both make into your shared dressing room, while allowing H to finalise getting ready y/n found herself on Twitter and was reading through all the tweets about tonight including the number one trend which was “NYC one night only Harry styles” a smile lands on the girls face at the sight of it.

Her thoughts were knocked when she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist, she leant back into his hold.

“Everyone’s really excited for tonight H, they say they can’t wait to hear the album for the first time live” she informs

He presses a kiss to her cheek. “Cant wait to see them all, excited for them to hear it” he smiles

“That’s more like it, it’s gonna be amazing”

The last 5 minutes were spent telling y/n how grateful he was just to have her by his side no matter what.

With a Goodluck kiss, he was off to start the show.

———

[wizkiddx]

Please I request you and Tom Holland being the sort of ‘it/star couple’ and being really popular in the media and fans

Req if you want?🤪 + I’d love any feedback/tips <3

Sorry I changed this a bit just cos tom rn seems the opposite of being that public and I have 0 imagination, hope this is still okay!

Summary: Tomhollandxactress!reader - as the two of you go on your first public and official event, Tom cant help but show everyone how enamoured he is by you

The fallout of from yesterdays ceremony was definitely not what either of you had expected. Having stirred from sleep before your boyfriend, naturally you’d killed the morning flicking through your phone. As much as you normally tried to avoid the tabloids and twitter, especially after you released your relationship to the world, having had a bunch of your friends actually sent you links to them - it would be rude not to have a quick scan. Especially because, for once, they seemed to be positive.

You see, it had always been the little things with Tom. Even when you had just been getting to know him, it was the small and unconscious actions that even he didn’t know he did. You always said Toms love language was physical - as much as he wanted to say that it was ‘words if affirmation’ or something else corny he’d read on buzzfeed (you’d got him addicted and now lived to regret it). That didn’t mean that he had to be clinging on to you, or excessive PDA or anything of the sort. It was more subtle which somehow made them more special to you. Now though, the whole world seemed to have picked up on it too.

This was the first event the two of you had actually attended together. As in together together. As in not hiding. You had been nominated for best actress; whilst Tom’s newest movie was up for a few accolades too - so fair to say it was a big night for Hollywoods newest couple. Naturally since your instagram post 3 weeks ago, the world was obsessed with you both. All the way in the car, you leg had actually been trembling with nerves - bouncing up and down in your silhettohe heels. In attempt to calm you, Tom bumped his knee against yours before reaching over to actually squeeze your thigh. 

“It’ll be fine you know?” You sighed shakily, turning your head to face Tom’s soft features. Both of you were dressed to the nines, you were in a glittery red chain-look scrappy dress; Tom in an all black suit, except the little pocket square of satin deep red - embellished with a single chain that came from your dress. Hopefully not too cliche but now the both of you were done with hiding - Tom seemed to want to just a little something. You hummed in response, searching the flicks of warm brown in his eyes with yours. 

“It’s just new and we haven’t encountered all the questions yet so I don’t know how to answer them and -”

“We’ll do them together and-and you can say no Y/n/n… you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.” Taking a long exhale, you hesitantly nodded, allowing a small smile to grow on your face. It was terrifying but you had this doting and angelic boy by your side. You’d get through any tough questions.

However it wasn’t actually the answers you spoke that evening that stuck in the public mind. 

When you’d first pulled up to the carpet, Tom instantly hopped out and rounded the car door to get to your side just as you swung your legs out toe doorway. After waving quickly at the screaming crowd, he looked down and offered up his hand to you - which you gladly accepted. The LA weather was beautiful, and the evening was just rolling into golden hour- the suns brilliant yellow-orange light bathing your body as you climbed out the car. 

The screaming used to be terrifying and although today was a little more nerve wracking than normal, you still could be nothing but appreciative for all these people showing up. In your head it was so bizarre that anyone would spend so much time and effort to meet you - really you were just normal person, and pretty boring one at that. Yet here you were in the most bizarre situation, there was nothing else to do but smile and wave. 

Just like that you went into the ‘celebrity mode’. The pair of you worked your way down the sides, smiling warmly for selfies and signing various posters and memorabilia. Really there was nothing to worry about, everyone there was nothing but lovely -  many fan girls squealing about how amazing you looked. Tom kept himself close by, occasionally hovering his hand against the small of your back just to reassure you he was there. 

Eventually you worked up to the press line, all of them calling your names with mics outstretched. The two of you approached the first in a long line, Tom taking the moment to just hook his pinky with yours (thinking no one else would notice) because this was clearly the more threatening part of the evening and he just knew you were feeling the anxieties all over again. 

“Tom and Y/n!!! Wow how are you guys doing?” Hence began the start of overenthusiastic small talk from the blonde interviewer. 

“I mean first I gotta ask you Tom…” She drew out the words, increasing the suspense somewhat, making Tom wiggle his brows “How insane does your girl look tonight?” 

“Oh well” Tom chuckled whilst you tried to shake off the embarrassment. He looked you up and down with the biggest smirk on his face. “It’s fair to say my woman looks absolutely breathtaking. She came out the room and I did a little excited dance before we left.” The interviewer laughed and you bumped into his side, rolling your eyes in a joking fashion- though to be fair it was completely true. The interviewer then asked you a couple questions that were a bit more serious, relating to the darker material of work you were nominated for. During it a random gust of wind flew down the carpet, shocking everyone a little - none more so that the minimal pins in the top of your hair, which did little to restrict its movement and instead was flying allover the place. Squealing a little, your trial of though momentarily broken, both yours and Tom’s hands went to pull the long locks back down into place. You thought nothing of it, Tom had developed this weird thing about wanting to do you hair weeks ago - but you weren’t to complain. Constantly during movie nights, he’s be running his fingers through your strands of hair; or even after a shower he’d learn to plait it whilst you did your skincare routine. Whispering a little thanks to him, Tom then reached down to squeeze your hand as the attention was turned back to yet another interview. 

The first article you clicked on was one that your best mate had texted you the link of. On opening it up, the title already made you scoff a little ‘Tom Holland single handedly restoring all hopes that men aren’t always trash’. What followed was 4 points. 

You ever struggled to get out a car in heels? Get yourself a Spiderman to help you up

Hand holding too much PDA? How about a pinky grip?

Oh and he’s trained himself to become a hairdresser when the wind picks up….

Accompanying each subheading was photos of each moment that as it had happened yesterday evening. Unable to help yourself, you kept looking between your phone screen and Tom - who was still fast asleep, his arm wrapped protectively round your middle.  The hair that had been so securely gelled back yesterday evening, now was falling over the front of his forehead and the sight was enough to give you that feeling in the centre of your chest. The dropping feeling as if you were jumping off the edge of a cliff - the adrenalin rush and heart in mouth moment. It had been 18 months you and Tom had been like this and he still gave you the most intense flutters - even if he was snoring. 

Managing to tear your eyes away from him, you scrolled to the last point of the article.

      4.  And yes we know this is cliche… but we swear we have never seen ‘heart eyes’ in reality more that this.

And there was a photo of you, probably chatting pure shit to the interviewer, paying absolutely no attention to a particular pair of brown eyes on you. It was the way the outer corner of his eyes dropped a little to normal position; the way the corner of his lips were turned up just enough to show the slight dimples on his cheeks. Tom’s face had literally been the definition of uwu and you could not suppress the teenage girl like giggle that burst out your chest. That was enough to rouse Tom with a heavy groan, as he pulled himself flush against your side releasing a deep breath.

“Mhmmm… you laughin at me?” He slurred, eyes still shut against your stomach as you stared to card your fingers through his curls. 

“Actually… I might just be” Smirking down at him, Tom yanked his his neck up, squinting at you with a scowl and barely open eyes. “You look so soft” laughing at his expression, you brought your hand out of his curls to smooth over his frown lines.

“ Don’t try and distract me… what you laughing at?” Still pouting, of course, the boy had never been a morning person

“Just… I think you’ve accidentally made us the new Hollywood ‘it’ couple.”

[minkufu]

That’s basically me too! I can watch the stupidest shit unfold and be invested in the show as long as I love the characters, like no offense but khr has some bad plot points but I love the characters and their chemistry with each other so much that I stay for it lol. (That isn’t to say that I think khr is well written tho it’s a hot mess ajdkks)

Oh yeah LOL Khr is my fav series because the characters are so fun, and seeing people, especially on twitter be like "Why isn't khr more popular? Why don't more people like it???" Always kills me cause like...it's not that good. That's why lmao. Also it didn't get an English dub, which people like to say is a good thing, but you cant complain about the series being underappreciated while praising it for not being accessible. I GOT ADHD YALL I CANT SIT HERE AND READ SUBS ALL DAY!! I don't have much hope of the series ever getting a reboot because it's pacing is so fucked up, so I'd gladly settle with just getting a dub to make it more accessible.

BUT YEAH, you're right it is a mess. the plot is shaky in a lot of places, it's humor is incredibly dated, the writing for the girl characters is exceptionally bad, and even if the daily life arc has great character moments, for the average person looking to get into the series, that shit is a slog to get through. I have to WARN people I suggest the series to that its probably gonna be boring and cringey for the first 20 or so episodes. It is a very hard sell.

You know what made me interested in khr? Fanart of Bel. I saw him and immediately jumped right into the series, barely knowing anything about him. 90 chapters into the manga. 35 episodes into the anime. My short attention span persevered through the bullshit just for him. The Varia on their own carry that entire series for me.

Oh, the fanart in question btw, when I can't remember the name of the artist, I literally just have to type this...

And there he is lol. The artist I believe went by Misteor. They had tons of fanart of Bel in that super pretty style and I was obsessed with it.

[solastia]

Beneath The Surface | 5

Chapters: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader

Word Count: 5,746

Genre & Warnings: Angst, very sad Hobi Hobi ( I feel like that should be an actual warning lol), some fluff, Jisoo is an annoying bitch and calls everyone Oppa and Unnie, obviously cussing because it’s me. This is mostly an MC character growth chapter, where Sunflower’s past gets resolved so she can move on and be more open to possibilities in her future. 

Notes: I really hate making my Hobi sad, so I hope you guys realize how much work went into this chapter. I literally made myself cry. 

“Hold up, she said what?”

Hoseok gawked in disbelief at Bang PD. He really hoped this was a fucking nightmare because he was ready to wake up. 

“Hoseok, she already told me everything, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t act dumb. I just wish you would have come to me with this sooner so we would have a more concrete game plan. For now, we just have to post a couple of pictures and maybe have Jisoo show up at a concert or something. We’ve already made the official announcement on Twitter.” Bang PD sighed and rubbed his temples like he was forming a migraine. Hoseok felt like he might be developing one as well. 

Bang PD looked at Hoseok with such a disappointed gaze as he waved a paper in the air that he felt like a worm, even if he was innocent of this. 

Bang PD cleared his throat and read the paper. 

“As the leader of Hypnotic, I feel like it is my duty to come clean with any personal matters that may affect my group. So I am happy to announce that I am officially dating Jung Hoseok of BTS and that I will be making it public knowledge.”

“But none of it is true!” Hoseok yelled, slapping his open palm against the desk. He was just so frustrated. Why wouldn’t anyone listen? “I’ve never even said anything to her beyond hello and goodbye. I’ve never been alone with her, I’ve never touched her, and I am certainly not dating her.” 

“Hoseok, can you really blame me for believing this? You’re literally still on lockdown because you got caught sneaking out to see a girl. I hate having to treat you guys like kids, but it is for the good of the entire group. Now we have to deal with this. Hopefully, the fans won’t freak out too much and just accept it. Give it at least a few months, and we’ll announce a split if you’re still set on it.” 

“Of course I’m still set on it. I don’t know or like her. Please, don’t make me do this! Just say it was a mixup or a misunderstanding! I never ask you for anything! The girl that I’m on lockdown for, she cant see this! I’m with her, not Lee Jisoo.” Hoseok pleaded, unable to control the tears anymore. 

Bang PD quietly sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Hoseok. It’s already been announced. As far as the world is concerned, you’re dating Lee Jisoo.”

Hoseok crumbled into the desk chair, shoving his face into his hands as he sobbed. He was so close to being done with everything. So sick of feeling like he wasn’t good enough, sick of not being able to live like a fucking human. And now...now they were taking away his hope. His Sunflower. 

“Don’t be afraid to stand a little closer, you two. This is a couple photo after all.” The photographer chuckled as he pushed Hoseok and Jisoo closer together. 

Hoseok was so uncomfortable, and he’d never been so close to punching a woman in his life. He’d been practically choking on his rage since the moment she’d step foot in the office. Her smug strut and overconfident smirk had him seeing red. He didn’t understand. Why him? She could have pulled this stunt with any of them. Why the hell did she pick him? He’d never done anything to encourage her or piss her off that he knew of. He didn’t know when they’d get a chance to talk alone, but when they did, she’d learn he wasn’t all sunshine and smiles. 

“Achoo!”Jisoo sneezed delicately. Followed by a sniffle, then two more mouse-like sneezes. Hoseok glared down at her only to see her gaze narrowed in on the sunflower pinned to his shirt. 

“I’m terribly sorry, Hoseok Oppa, but that flower has to go. I’m allergic.” Jisoo batted her eyelashes up at him, and his scowl deepened. No way in hell. 

He ignored her and focused on the photographer. He saw her fake smile start to slip a little from the corner of his eye and gained a little bit of satisfaction from that. He tried to zone out enough to where he couldn't hear the annoying sniffling. She could deal with being uncomfortable for a few damn minutes considering she’s fucking with his life. 

“Jisoo, why does it look like you’re crying?” The photographer asked, walking up to them with a slight frown. “I can’t shoot with you looking like that.” 

“It’s just that I’m allergic and can’t be around flowers. Hoseok Oppa has a sunflower on his shirt.” She responded quietly, almost sounding apologetic. 

“Ah, I see. Hoseok, as charming as you look with your flower, we'll have to get rid of it to get through this,” the photographer sighed. 

Hoseok was about to fight to keep it when he saw Manager Sejin shake his head from behind the photographer. Hoseok dropped his head in defeat. Sejin was under orders to add another day to his lockdown everytime he acted out during this whole debacle. With a trembling hand and a weary heart, Hoseok unpinned his sunflower and gave it to Sejin to hold onto for the duration of the shoot. He couldn’t help feeling like it was almost symbolic. 

Seeing Jisoo’s satisfied expression as he got back into position pissed him off, so he let his mask drop. He let every hateful thought, his disgust with this situation and her, and general unhappiness shine through in all its glory. Her eyes widened, and he swore he heard a little gulp. Good.

“Let’s get this over with, yeah? And quit fucking calling me Oppa.” He slipped back into his Jhope persona, smile as wide as the sun, and prayed his Sunflower would see through it. 

“Stop looking so good.” You groaned at the television in frustration. 

After the news with Jisoo, the media had been going crazy, and now every channel you tried to watch had something BTS related. They’d even mentioned it on a cooking show! The news was always paired with yet another stunning picture of Hoseok, and it was driving you mad. You couldn’t get away from him. Even Momo missed him. Anytime something played that had Hoseok’s voice, Momo’s ears would perk up, and he’d give the saddest little whine. You were both pathetically whipped for the man.

Just as you’re about to throw something at your TV in frustration, your friend Nari lets herself into your apartment. She shakes bottles of raspberry soju knowing you’ll let her stay thanks to her offering. You sigh and scoot over, patting the spot next to you on the couch.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you and those lovely bottles, but whatcha doing here?” You ask as you crack open one of the bottles and take a sip. She follows suit and sinks into her seat. 

“You’ve been either moping here at home or working your ass off in the studio, so no one’s seen you in forever. We’re all worried. What’s going on? Can you finally tell me?” Nari asked softly, looking at you with her big brown eyes filled with worry. 

You sigh and decide it’s finally time to clue someone in on all the madness. You’d never told your friends you’d seen Hoseok again after that time at the bar when you’d first met. You’d wanted to respect his privacy, and while you trusted your friends, you’d just wanted him to be safe. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago. And even though you were hurting right now, you still couldn’t find it in you to be regretful about bringing him home that night.

You cuddle up next to Nari and pour it all out. You told her of your date, the time apart, the week you’d worked together. You’d told her that you were head over heels in love with Jung Hoseok. And that it didn’t matter because somehow he was now dating one of the girls you choreographed for. You observed in amusement as her eyes widened with each twist or reddened when she was angry, or you’d perhaps shared a little too much. 

“Y/N. This whole time. I knew you were upset about something, but I assumed it was because of your ex. Holy shit though, JHope and you! I didn’t know you were going through so much. I feel like a horrible friend.” Nari’s face fell, and she threw her legs over your lap and cuddled up to you. You chuckle and pat her head fondly. 

“I’ll be fine.” You reassure her, but she looks at you like she knows that’s a lie.

“I know you say that, but your eyes tell me a different story. The way you talk about him...you never sounded like that with your ex. Like, never. I was never even sure you liked him, let alone loved him. When you talk about Hoseok though? I’m almost envious because he sounds like your soulmate. You really loved him, didn’t you?” 

You should tell her no, keep repeating the lie over and over until it sticks. Instead, you just tell her the truth. “Yes, I did. I still do. I can’t make it stop, and I don’t know if it ever will.” You pat her shins draped across you with a heavy sigh and give her a bittersweet smile. 

“What we need to do is get this Jisoo chick out of the picture,” she declared, causing you to raise an eyebrow in amusement. 

“You sound like you’re in the mafia now.” You laugh. “Besides, she’s an idol. Even if I do work with her, there’s nothing I can do.” 

“I will gladly join the fight.” Nari declares, fist to the sky.

“There’s nothing to fight against. Get your shoes off the couch and stop quoting Hamilton.” You giggle as you push her legs off you and get up. You weren’t as drunk as you wanted to be and the two of you had run out of soju. You were sure you had some wine somewhere around here. 

You were distracted from hunting through your cabinets when you heard a gasp. You quickly turn around to see if Nari was okay. She was staring at her phone in shock. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” You ask, trying to peek. Nari quickly slammed the phone against her chest, blocking it from your view. She looked up at you with alarmed eyes. Clearing her throat, she murmured, “Nothing.” 

“Nari...” You spoke in a flat warning tone. Somehow you knew what you were about to see. “Just show me.” 

With a great show of reluctance, Nari handed you the phone. Right there on the official BTS twitter was a picture. A couple picture. Of Jung Hoseok and Lee Jisoo. 

Your hand was shaking so much that you couldn’t keep the phone still, but you could still make out every detail. Jisoo looked so proud and beautiful as she stood next to him, her tight pale green dress complementing Hoseok’s grey and green suit. He was smiling widely, and you didn’t know if it was just a vain hope that you thought his eyes looks unhappy. Your eyes scanned the picture, feeling like something was missing. You stared, wondering what you were looking for when it suddenly hit you. 

The sunflower. There was no sunflower. 

You scanned the entire picture, thinking maybe they’d told him he couldn’t wear it with that outfit. Perhaps he’d had to hide it somewhere. So you looked at every corner and crevice the picture showed, zooming in on everything. Not only was there no sunflower, there wasn’t even a single flower of any kind in the picture. 

It was over. Hoseok didn’t want you anymore. 

You inhaled shakily and handed Nari back her phone, not meeting her eyes. You push yourself up off the couch and make your way to the kitchen to renew your search for the wine. You needed it now more than ever. 

“Y/N...Do you want to talk about it?” Nari asks tentatively as she walked behind you. 

“No. What’s there to talk about? He’s moved on to someone in his own world, someone his company obviously approves of. He looks happy. That’s all that matters, right?” You answer, voice shakey as you try to keep your emotions in check.

“Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not,” Nari whispers as she hugs you from behind and the contact makes you break down. You crumble to the floor and Nari follows you down, gathering you up and rocking you gently as you sob. 

Tomorrow, you promise yourself. Tomorrow you’ll go back to being fine. You’ll go to work and pretend that seeing Jisoo doesn’t kill you inside. You’ll go back to trying to live your life without Jung Hoseok in it. 

But tonight you needed to be miserable. Tonight you needed to cry and mourn what was probably the love of your life. So you let Nari play with your hair as you wept all over her until you finally fell into an exhausted sleep and hoped he’d be in your dreams.

You stare at yourself in the dance studio mirror as you wipe the sweat from your face. You’d had the girls working for three hours now, and you were tempted to add another hour in hopes it would wipe the smirk off Jisoo’s face. 

This whole time you’d been wondering how Hoseok and Jisoo had happened. You didn’t even remember them ever talking, but they apparently had because she was looking at you with such venom that there was no way this was about dance practice. 

She knew. 

Jisoo was looking at you with pride and disdain. The look of a woman who’d won. The look of a woman who probably pitied you. If she knew, that meant Hoseok had told her, because you were sure the two of you had been careful enough. Why would he tell her? Did they sit around and laugh behind your back? Were you really so desperate for love that you’d become an easy target? 

“Y/N Unnie, you look distressed. Is everything alright?” Jisoo asked sweetly, her eyes wide and a worried look on her face. The overall effect was ruined by her smirk. 

“Oh, I’m just super Jisoo. Just worried about the choreography. If you were a better dancer, it wouldn’t be an issue, but I’m wondering if I should dumb it down a little. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, sweetie.” You mock in a dulcet tone.

The rage that filled Jisoo’s face made you childishly happy. You turn away and prepare to leave when Jisoo grabs your wrist and digs her overly long nails in. 

“I’m so sorry, Unnie. Maybe now that I have Hoseok Oppa, I’ll get better. It’s amazing what those hips of his can do. But you already know that, don’t you?” She coos, and you have to clench your fist behind you to keep from smacking her. You tear your wrist away, momentarily allowing your irritation to be seen. 

“You are far from the innocent you portray yourself to be," you answer in a monotone. You clench your teeth and hope you can keep your emotions in check. Your job was more important than Jisoo’s enjoyment of your pain. 

“Oh, Unnie. Are you upset that I took your man? Don’t be. I’m doing you a favor after all. Eventually, he would have gotten bored with a nobody like you. He needs someone who understands life as an idol, someone who looks beautiful next to him. Sadly, that’s not you. Don’t worry, I’ll treat him well.” Jisoo smiles evilly. 

“You know, the truth about what a bitch you are is going to come to light, and we’ll see how much of an “Idol” you are then. If I find out this is all fake and you’re hurting my Hobi, I will fucking end you.” You growl, your patience finally nearing its limit. 

Jisoo’s throws her head back and laughs. “You think you can threaten me? You? You’re nothing. Hoseok already told me all about your little camping trip fuck. Said it was the easiest lay of his life.” Jisoo narrowed her eyes at you, searching for signs of weakness. You gave her nothing and quickly turned to storm out of the room. 

“Get back here. I’m not done talking to you, wench!” Jisoo shrieked.

“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.” You taunt as you slam the door behind you. 

You quickly make your way to your car and throw your duffle bag into the seat next to you. You lean back and finally let your tears fall, angrily hitting the steering wheel. You couldn’t remember ever crying this much over anything. You didn’t even cry when your fiance had cheated on you. You didn’t want to cry anymore. 

You wanted to get drunk. 

You start your car and call Nari, ordering her to get the girls together. It was time for a night out. 

It felt bizarre sitting in this club again. The last time you were here was when you were drinking away the fact that it was supposed to be your wedding day and you’d met Hoseok. A night that seemed so long ago when it really wasn’t. Now you were back, mourning your shitty love life yet again. In the same seat at the same table with the same girls. Nari had already told you she’d tried to invite the boys again, but their lockdown was no joke. She hadn’t been able to get a hold of anyone but had left messages letting them know they were here.

You zone out as the girls chat around, your gaze narrowed on the booth that Hoseok had dragged you to that first night. You want to laugh and cry at the same time as you think about all of the stupid “get to know you” questions Hoseok had asked you. Beyond the usual “What’s your favorite color,” he’d also asked ridiculous things like “What cartoon character turns you on the most?” and “What kind of dance style should our firstborn specialize in?” You smirk to yourself when you remember his judgemental look when you’d told him clog dancing was probably going to be pretty popular by then. God, you missed him.

You are brought back to the present when your friend Tiffany pokes your side. “You might want to look over at the bar.” She says, and your eyes follow her pointing finger. 

At first, you don’t see anything out of the ordinary. The usual assortment of greasy men and sad women. A little flicker of hope wants you to believe it’s Hoseok she’s pointing out, but you hadn’t told her anything about him yet so it couldn’t be that. Your eyes flutter across the bodies assembled in front of the bar, and you finally spot who your friend is pointing out. Even from behind you can tell who it is. With a heavy sigh, you observe the man with irritation as he turns around and meets your eyes. 

Your ex-fiance Seon smiles like he’s genuinely happy to see you. When you notice he’s walking towards your table, you nod towards another open booth, not wanting to subject your friends to whatever drama he was about to start. 

“I’ll be right back.” You murmur to your friends, smiling reassuringly at Nari who was looking at you with concern. 

You slide into the booth and stare at Seon. He’d obviously come here straight from work, as he was still in his suit pants and white shirt. You thought he’d maybe lost a little bit of weight and wondered if he was forgetting to eat again. He did that sometimes when they were working on something big at his company. You shook your head and reminded yourself it wasn’t your problem anymore, although five years of worrying about the man in front of you was a hard habit to break. 

You were a little surprised with yourself. You’d imagined various situations where you’d run into him again and you’d always pictured you’d be an emotional wreck. Instead, all you felt was mild irritation and trepidation over whatever he wanted to talk to you about. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask, trying to force yourself to keep a civil tone.

“Work. We’re celebrating closing a huge deal. You remember that one with the CEO from Japan that we’ve been talking about for almost a year? It went through. Probably going to get a promotion after this.”

“Congratulations, Seon. I’m happy for you. I know you’ve been working hard for that one.” You were amazed by much you really meant it. 

“You look good, Angel.” He says softly, smiling as he fidgets with his drink. 

You snort at the use of the nickname. “Did you pull that overused line straight from the post-breakup manual?” 

“Does that exist? I could use that. How to survive breakups for absolute morons.” He joked, and you genuinely laughed. His smile softened as he watched you. You return his stare and just sit in silence for a minute. Seon keeps searching your face like he’s looking for something or memorizing your features.

“Why did you come over here?” You blurt, growing uncomfortable. 

“I wanted to apologize.”

You cock an eyebrow and prepare to say something snarky, but his expression makes you pause. He looked like he was sincere. Of course, you’d thought he was nothing but honest and sincere throughout your entire relationship and look where that got you. Still, you nod for him to continue. 

“I’ve wanted to call you since then to talk to you, but I either chicken out or decide it’s better to just let it be and let you move on with your life. However, I just can’t pass up the chance to tell you how sorry I am. I know that nothing I can say will erase what I did, or how unbelievably stupid I was to do it, but the least I could do is tell you that I regret it so much and that it was never your fault.” 

You bite your lip and soak in his apology. You’d always wondered if you’d done more, if you’d been more, would he have cheated. You’d felt like used trash for months, so this was nice to hear. 

“Thank you.” You whisper, looking down at the remnants of your drink. 

“I just...kinda want to tell you why? I mean, I didn’t go out and choose to do that with a reason clear in my mind, but I’ve been moping around the apartment alone for six months now. Plenty of time for introspection.” 

You look up surprised that he’s willing to give you more. He’d never been the most emotionally open person. You nod and observe as he takes a deep breath before locking eyes with you. 

“I think...it was mostly because I was scared? You know how my parents are. Poster children for a marriage gone wrong. The rumors are that once upon a time they were madly in love. Now they have screaming matches three times a day and make jokes about waiting for each other to die. I just...didnt want that to happen for us. I didn’t want you to wake up one morning and realize you were just waiting to die to get away from me. I didn’t want to see the love in your eyes dim year after year as you realize I’m not worth it. I wanted you to be free to find someone who deserves you more than me, someone who’s not so fucked up. So I kinda subconsciously did that in the hopes of being caught so you’d end it without regrets. I realize that I went about it in a shitty way, but that just proves my point of how I don’t deserve someone as great as you. I should have manned up and told you my fears. Then you could have just hated me for being a coward instead of a cheating coward.” 

To say you’re surprised by everything he’s telling you would be an understatement. This was probably the most you’d ever heard him speak about his feelings. You sigh deeply and grab his hand. 

“I don’t hate you. I was angry, though. So god damn angry. At myself, at you, at the world. I was disappointed. Afraid. I worried that with any future relationship I had I would be waking up every morning and wondering if that was the day they’d grow bored with me too. But I never hated you. It’s hard to really hate someone that you’d spent five years loving.” You tell him as you pat his hand. 

“Never bored. Five years and I was never once bored. Sex with you was always amazing so you can take that off your list right now.” Seon jokes and you giggle and slap his arm away. 

“I just want you to know that I’m not telling you all this because I want you to take me back. In fact, I would be incredibly upset if you did take me back after going through all that to let you find someone better than me. I just...wanted to give us both some closure and I wanted to make sure that you knew that it was absolutely not you. You took such good care of me that six months later I’m still trying to learn how to cook and do laundry. You supported me in everything, and I always appreciated how much you were there for me. I will always, always love you. You were the first person to love me and even if the both of us end up married to someone else in the future, I will always regret never marrying you. I just never thought I deserved your love. The blame is all on me and my issues. Speaking of which, I actually started counseling last month, with the therapist that you told me to look into about my parents. I decided that I probably needed it so that I don’t try to sabotage my relationships again in the future.” 

“That’s great! I’m glad you’re doing that.” You smile at Seon warmly. You were starting to feel a little lighter inside. At least one of your issues was getting resolved. 

Seon chuckles before clearing his throat. “Also, I know it’s a lot to ask, and I totally don’t expect you to take me up on it right away, but I was hoping we could still see each other? I don’t mean see each other, but like, hang out? It’s just...for five years you were not just my girlfriend, but you were also my best friend and my one constant in life. I wake up, and I forget that you’re gone. I start your coffee and toast, put on pants and grab a leash to take Momo out for a walk, and it’s not until I wonder why I can’t find him that I remember you’re not there. I just really miss talking to you. I miss you. And I miss our son. How is Momo?”

“Your son Momo is fine.” You grin. You’d forgotten how he always called Momo his son. “He missed you for awhile. Refused to sleep in his crate unless I put a shirt of yours in there. Look, I can’t promise to be able to easily become your friend again, but I’ll try. And in the meantime, you can have visitations with Momo if you wanted. I’ll admit that beneath the anger, I did miss you too. We did have five years of good memories before that day.” 

“Thank you. You didn’t even have to talk to me, so thank you for listening, and I hope you’ll want to see me again sometime. Thank you, Angel. Goodbye.” Seon’s eyes were suspiciously watery as he grabbed your hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. You smile and pat his cheek. 

“Thank you. I was worried I’d be bitter forever. Call me in a couple weeks, and we’ll set a day for you to take Momo to the park or something.” You say as you stand up. You spot bright red out of the corner of your eye as you step away from the booth. Out of curiosity, you glance towards the bright color only to be met with Hoseok’s shocked eyes. He frantically looks between you and Seon, confusion and hurt in his eyes, before hardening his gaze and stomping away. 

“No, HOSEOK. Come back! Shit...” You yell after him, trying to make your way through the sweaty crowd. You spot Nari at the bar and corner her. 

“What are they doing here? I just saw Hoseok?” You shriek, grabbing her by the arm as you keep walking towards the door he exited out of. 

“I guess Sejin saw my texts on their phones since he’s the one holding onto them and decided to give them a free night for good behavior. Most of them are at the booth already. I guess they can’t stay that long tonight though since they have some meeting tomorrow. Come sit, I’m sure he just went to get a drink.” Nari tries to reassure you, no doubt seeing your panicked eyes. 

“No. He saw me talking to Seon. He probably thinks I moved on because of the stupid dating announcement. God, the way he looked at me, Nari. There’s no way that dating thing is real. He looked genuinely hurt. I have to find him. I’ll talk to you later.” 

You storm out of the club, frantically searching for Hoseok. You walk up and down the streets and dark, scary alleys. Your feet were still in your stilettos, and they were in so much pain. There were even bloody blisters on the back of your heels that would make dancing considerably painful for a while. Finally, after an hour and a half of searching, you decide to give up, mostly because you could barely walk anymore. Either he’d found a taxi, or he just didn’t want to be found. 

You head back to the club and search for your friend's table. You wanted to at least try to get one of the boys to relay the message to Hoseok that what he thought he saw wasn’t right. As you finally get close enough to the booth, you see it’s once again a girls-only table. You ask Nari, and she tells you that they’ve all gone home already. Your last option is her, so you tell her to text them all that you needed to talk to Hoseok. You text him yourself as well, although you know the chances of Manager Sejin relaying your messages are slim. 

It’s time to give up and go home, you decide. You say goodbye to your friends, receive a hug and an order from Nari to call her later, and order a taxi. You have him stop at a convince store and buy four bottles of Soju. You were going to need them. You stumble into your apartment in an unhappy daze, stopping to peel your high heels off your blood crusted feet, before plopping onto the couch. You scratch Momo behind his ear and crack open your first bottle, forgoing glasses altogether. Soon enough, your mind starts to blank of everything but Hoseok, and you fall asleep thinking of his dismayed expression.

You couldn’t remember ever feeling this hungover in your life. 

Since the moment you’d woken up and rolled off of the couch to crawl to the bathroom, you’d been throwing up. You’d only made it through two of the Soju bottles before you’d passed out and you usually made your way through six at a time with no problem. You wracked your brain trying to think of what else it could be. Maybe something you ate? It couldn’t be anything else because you just had your...

You weakly grab your phone and find your tracking app. Your last period was two months ago. Right before you’d met Hoseok. 

“Shit...shit...fuck...” You call Nari in a panic, saying two words you’d never said before. It was a code you’d all established back in college when scares were the norm. It meant I need you and bring the stick.

“Code Stork.”