#i cant really say shit. i run clash. but not on fucking ZONES. and especially not when the stages favor long range weapons.

[bleuberrygliscor]

the fact that Splat3's matchmaking system isnt based on glicko2 anymore is wiiiild. You mean to tell me yall for real matched b's and a's with S+'s???? explains some things frfr.

[army-loveblog]

Guess who has headcanons?

ME

Army headcanons incoming and I have a lot.

i’m serious there’s so much fucking content in this and i keep adding more

if you WANT to read all my shit then by all means, i’m just warning you

Continue at your own risk.

-Army use to play violin when he was younger and still knows how to play it

-He as paranoia

-Due to his paranoia, he knows a shit ton of stuff about survival and what to do if you get a serious injury

-He’s a weapon hoarder, so he has a whole damn armory under his house. he also has like 3 copies of every weapon

-The reason he has so many weapons is because he likes to tinker and modify weapons as a hobby. he would never bring them into turf, he just thinks it’s fun

-He has his original N-Zap on display in his armory

-first aid kits. everywhere

-big house, rich bitch

-not as rich as emperor, but at least upper middle class

-He has 2 cabinets for medicine. One is the main and the other is the backup, which is literally a copy of Cabinet 1. he takes Cabinet 2 with him on long trips.

-he cares a lot about proper grammar and being formal

-He hates swearing, and will only cuss if he’s in a state of extreme emotion

-He’ll only eat what he cooks because PARANOIA

-Armory also includes shooting range and training zone for testing his modified weapons

-Bring a broken weapon to him and he’ll fix it, no questions asked, and it’ll be done well

-Ironically, he’ll get injured in the dumbest ways. don’t ask how, he just will

-He cares about his health and everyone else’s health a lot

-Heavily dislikes Emperor but wants to try and.. not do that

-Actually has a good sleep schedule.

-Healthy

-WEAK though. he uses the n-zap, which is basically a toy model, so it’s very light. he focuses more on speed and agility rather than strength and endurance.

-both offensive and defensive in battles, using his ink armor to push his team forward, and the suction bombs to place them down strategically, hopefully keeping the opponent away from the goal

-has a journal, but doesn’t write in it much. usually only when he cant sleep.

-when he falls asleep, his sleeping posture will be good, but when he wakes up his body is twisted around and he wakes up with back pains, so he needs to stretch a lot (turf wars usually help with that) he can’t really help how he moves in his sleep

-trains with his team on a daily basis except on weekends unless they want to

-strict, but not enough to be dislikable

-can cook things besides curry >:/

-favorite dish is curry, but doesn’t make it all the time

-cooks for himself every night and lives alone

-would die for his teammates, probably the s4 too

-his armory is REALLY secretive, so you’d only know where it is if you follow him

-owns a real gun

-knows close combat with arms and legs, but usually only uses his legs because he has 0 arm strength he still tries though

-threaten him and he’ll threaten back

-good liar but doesn’t lie because it’s morally wrong

-age 19-20, hims adult

-he’s ace but not aro (not sure what this part is yet)

-his chapter was when he was younger and more cocky and insufferable, like every teen

-has different manuals about different topics, but his largest one is battles, and it has different sections for ranked and turf

-writing helps calm him down

-sometimes he still plays violin, but not a whole lot

-parents forced him to play violin

-parents wanted him to play piano too, but that’s when he put his foot down

-favorite genres are classical, rock, and electronica

-favorite bands are ω-3, diss-pair, and bottom feeders

-dumbass but not entirely

-if being protective of someone, he’ll kind of just glare at the person testing them and hope they stop bothering, don’t question what’s happening, or go away

-lives farther from the square and plaza unlike most of the other coroika characters

-afraid of superjumping, so he just doesn’t. he’s afraid of landing in the wrong place at the wrong time. this goes for battles and jumping around town

-owns a car and knows how to drive

-everyone asks him for a ride and he hates it

-drives everyone anyway

-does salmon run quite often

-has a lot of jackets because he hates being cold

-can and will make you wear a jacket during the winter if you’re not

-army says fuck hypothermia

-i’d say he has health insurance but i don’t think that’s even a thing in splatoon

-hates ordering stuff from resturaunts because he can’t see what they’re doing and how they’re making it, especially doesn’t trust fast food because of a bad track record and again, can’t see it most of the time

-lowkey has a fear of heights

-arachnophobe. huge arachnophobe.

-if he sees a spider he will not go anywhere near it and someone else’ll have to take care of it

-”all spiders are the same, idc if they’re venomous or not”

-use to main chargers back when he was starting out before he decided to try out the n-zap

-n-zap has been his best friend ever since

-can use other weapons, just doesn’t

-has a burning hatred for the blobobbler

-has a burning hatred for the clash blaster

-has a burning hatred for the kensa weapons

-has a burning hatred for the octobrush

-has a burning hatred for piranha pit

-make him mad during a battle and ur fucking asking for it

-can and will destroy you

-doesn’t spawn camp because that’s mean

-favorite map is sturgeon shipyard probably

-is similar to Marina in the way of him liking heavy machinery. he just finds it really fascinating

-history nerd

-knows the history of humans, or at least how inklings thought they existed

-whenever he plays on shellendorf he gets distracted by all of the neat displays and history stuff and probably ends up getting splatted

-reads a lot

-has shelves of books in his bedroom

-could make a library in his house if he wanted to but doesn’t

-has a phone and only uses it for texting

-if something goes wrong, it throws him off course, but he usually manages to collect himself

-usually has a plan, but it’s always the first thing thrown out the window

-he can recreate the cellist/fiddle parts of ω-3 and bottom feeders using his violin. it took some work to get down but he eventually got it. he likes playing the bottom feeders parts the most

-is now rank X in all modes

-idk how he uses a fuckin shooter weapon in clam blitz but he makes it work

-favorite mode is Tower Control

-if him and his team are playing rainmaker, he’s usually the one carrying it. it’s either him or forge that’ll carry the rainmaker

-he doesn’t play rainmaker as often as other modes, though. and he also always struggles to carry the rainmaker because it’s a heavy bitch

-horrible at squid beatz

-can slow dance

-doesn’t like off the hook or the squid sisters all that much

-birthday is October 29th, halloween child

-ironically doesn’t like halloween that much

i think that’s all i have

probably not, but i think that’s it

if you read all of this, congratulations, you endured deep shit

never ask me for anything ever again

i will keep adding to this list

<3