#i cant guaratee that ill even get close to finishing this

[galactic-aesir]

I said I wasn’t going to do this and look at me now... So here’s Chapter 1 of ??? of Pre-Existing Nonsense! A Rise/2003 crossover that I told myself a few days ago I didn’t have the time to write. Oops!

Read it here on AO3.

Chapter 1 - Those Come With A Warning Label For A Reason

Tide pods.

That's all Leo could think about. Tide pods.

Were there more important things he should be thinking about? Probably. But could he help himself? Not really! It's hardly his fault that the swirly portal looked kind of like that time he threw up after Donnie dared him to do the Tide Pod Challenge.

(Donnie had, in fact, not told his brother anything of the sort. In fact, if one had access to the Lair's substantial security camera footage, one would find that Donnie had told his brother something along the lines of "you cannot possibly be that dumb– what are you doing– NARDO PUT THAT DOWN–!")

So, yeah: Tide Pods.

The portal was big and glowing and 85% not intentional. Its swirling mass floated a dozen feet in the air in a wide circle like the world's most inconvenient door. It twirled with a current, animating undulating waves of blue and orange energy that flowed together but refused to mix. Like thick oil in brackish water.

Now, Leo, he'd seen and made his fair share of portals in his hayday so portals themselves weren't concerning. Kind of par for the course at this point. The orange was relatively new. They'd been so afraid of Mikey's new powers after the prison dimension portal bit that they'd collectively refused to let their littlest brother try to make another portal for months after the whole Kraang thing. Barry had finally convinced them to stop babying him about it just a few weeks back. So, overall: orange portal? Not a big deal.

The color combo was new, but even then it was kind of expected. They had, just moments ago, been training on new ways to combo their mystic powers after all.

No, no, the concerning part that had Leo and all his brothers slack jawed was the pile of freshly 'ported turtles (?) that had fallen out of it.

The intruders were currently too busy trying to untangle themselves in the middle of the living room floor to notice their surroundings or their accidental B&E.

"So… that hurt," one of them groaned.

"Why am I always at the bottom?" Another one whined from the bottom of the pile.

"Hey! Watch those sais!" A third replied with a wince.

"Will you please just move already?!" The fourth yelled.

With a few quick movements the (yep, those sure were) turtles had straightened themselves out and Leo and his brothers were left looking at… themselves?

Four white-eyed turtles, each with a bandanna tied around their eyes: purple, orange, blue, red, with ninja-type weapons tied around their belts and shells. Hoh boy. Leo felt a headache coming.

"Oh fer cryin' out loud!!" The Other Raph (apparently??) cried out before falling to his knees in a dramatic show that would've put Donnie's theater kid sensibilities to shame. "Fer once! Just once! That's all I'm askin'! One ninja-flipping week without alien teleporters, time windows or interdimensional doohickeys!!"

The Raph (?) had punctuated every exclamation with a punch to the, now cracked, floor. Distantly, Leo thought it was a shame, after all they didn't make tiled subway floors like they used to and it would take him days to find the right material to fix it and oh right other turtles he should probably pay attention.

The Other Donnie was offering his brother a few consoling pats with a smile that curled slightly too much around the corners to be entirely sympathetic.

"There, there," he said. "We can always go back through the-"

With that, the glowing Tide Pod portal made a noise like a wobbling sheet of tin and blinked out of existence with a gurgle.

"Uhh," the purple bandanna'd turtle said. "Guess I spoke too soon?"

"Just had ta open your mouth, huh, brainiac?"

"Oh, so this is my fault now?"

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

The two brothers erupted in an impromptu wrestling match on the floor with Other Mikey joining apparently just for fun. Leo's own counterpart heaved a sigh and caught his eye.

"Um. I suppose that means we'll be staying here for a while then?"

Leo looked to his own brothers who were still scraping their jaws off the metaphorical floor. He grinned at them with a forced smile.

"Dibs on not telling Dad!"