#i cant go jnto foster bc jm nearly 20... im an adult
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i love when i make one small mistake and then feel like an absolute failure bc of it
#personal#like... it wasnt even a bad mistakr but i feel like a fcukint burden and annoyijg piece of shit i hate myself#i hate rmebering the things i just wanna cry#why did he do those things to me.... i was only a kid#i cant tell whats real anymorw.... maybe i imgained everything.... mayeb this all isntr real#what if i made it all up#whay if i just imaginef it.?? i always did have a wild imagination#theres so many things yhats happened.... and idk if theyre real...#like did he actuallt groom me??? or am i overreacting#did my othr abuset hold a knife to my throat when i was like 12??? did another abuset push me onto concrete and nearly break my nose at 10??#maybe i faked it all.. .#im an awful person.... i hate nyself#i just wanna cut...#i cant even twll anyone this shit.... im embarrassed and ashamed of myself....#i cant tell anyone bc i still live with some of my abusers....#if i tell the doctor.... theyll prob do somwthihg.... take me away... ill be homeles...#i cant go jnto foster bc jm nearly 20... im an adult#plus i dont want to either toomany bad stories abiut foster care#and plis if i tellm..m the doctoes my say ssomething to my abusets... and then itll getworsr...#i feel so trapped here#i cant tell anyonebc.... what if they say im lying.... or that it wasnt that bad.... that im overreacting....#i mean fuck i havent even told anyobe abut my bulimia... i told my mom but she forgot....#im too embarrassed about all the tthinga....ik pathetic
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