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#i cant fucking deal with the stress of everything else. even my best friend criticises how trans i am.
stainablesilver · 5 years
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:D
#im seriously considering just ending it all.#coming out was a mistake#my dad said he changed and that hes a better person now. but hes exactly the same. except now he has the ammo of misgendering me.#when i dont do as he wants. he says some shit about how 'you wouldn't want your mother finding out about your trans situation right.'#and he fucking misgenders me when hes mad. he deadnames me as a threat.#he keep pushing the date for my counseling further and further. he only uses my preferred name when he wants brownie points.#he keeps trying to spin my mom as this evil bitch. when hes as to blame as her.#and every time i get frustrated that no one takes me seriously he tells me to calm down that it doesnt matter. that im making it up.#whenever i mess up he says that it wouldnt have happened if i wasnt such a spaz. hes called me psychotic more times than i can count.#everytime i want to talk about something important to me he calls it 'mindless prattle'. i cant do anything right i guess.#i cant be mad or frustrated or sad or stressed or enjoy things or have ideas#or interests or even be the slightest bit not pandering to his ideals without him telling me that it's wrong.#hes so fucking smothering while also being distant and over interested its so scary. and this is only what he does with me.#the shit he pulls with my 10 year old brother is worse.#that poor kid doesnt even enjoy his birthday or his favorite show without our father being a dick to him.#i cant fucking deal with the stress of everything else. even my best friend criticises how trans i am.#i cant fucking deal with it all. i just want to die.
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