#i cant even pretend it is one lmao its too pretentious

[maxrowave]

Snippets of KYD pretentious writing stuff that’s kind of pretentious and composed of 99% bullshit jargon...

sometimes late at night, i want to write and pretend im super deep and meaningful, what better way to use kill your darlings (film) as an outlet? All of these r from Lucien’s perspective because it means i get to use my fancy words, but at the same i cant hold a candle to his thoughts so if it gets weird, just hang on mate :P im probably using ; wrong lmao and a lot of grammatical errors i repeat stuff a lot too there is no order to this, its all just random bits of writing put together (1) Their complicated relationship taunted Lucien from a distance, because he was ever-present in the notion that Allen was intrigued in him in the wrong way. It was inappropriate for what the two of them were, maybe in different circumstances, in a different life, maybe he would've. If he weren't so spontaneous and abhorred even the slightest hint of being forced to be chained down by something so, permanent and that it didn't resemble a certain someone; then maybe, just maybe, he could love himself enough and return the same favour. While Lucien was always one for venturing long past the societal subject to normalcy, this was the exception that haunted him. A heavy drum in his heart that weighted him down, the notion that he could ever be seen in a light that glorified him into some sort of benevolent heaven sent was dreadful. It confused him, how Allen could somehow wade through his labyrinth of bullshit layered upon alter ego after another. He still sought out the beauty in this sewage, it was a skill Lucien himself lacked, and envied. Allen Ginsberg was in love with him, a queer. He'd used Allen's dangerous comfort by him against the other on occasions, primarily as pivoting points to tease him when the opportunity arose. However, he was unsure if Allen was aware, that he was too. He had already surpassed the thin line they often teetered on, and now Lucien could only kick himself for not seeing the signs earlier, preventing this whole dysfunctional relationship. This was not a fickle love story, this was a parasitic weed choking the plants beneath it to survive. He could only pretend as if he were completely unacknowledged about the state of their bloody and bruised romantics for so long. "Queer." He begun, the first word in what felt like decades of silence, a blessing to cut through the uncomfortable tension developing; and not particularly in the way he lived off of. "Aren't you? "Lucien's eyes never diverged off of the passing ocean in front of them, the breeze had crept down his spine but the bottling ball of nervousness was keeping him far more occupied than the chill of the wind ever could. He didn't know why that was the first word he uttered, why he would confront the elephant in the room that they both had to be so aware of and never mentioned. They could've lived in that silent acknowledgement for the rest of their days, Allen was a homosexual and did little to hide his attraction to Lucien. He would've had to be an idiot to not figure that out. Those three words was all he would allow himself to say for tonight, refusing to elaborate on how much he knew. Like how it was deliberately obvious that Allen was pining and Lucien didn't know how to go on about it without resorting to drastic measures. It was one thing to sneak off away with him one night past curfew to drink a little, it was another to so easily toss away his lively hood and any chance of success for someone like him. How could Allen ever love someone like him and consciously feel good about it too? He felt guilty, that was new and he quickly found a distaste to the new emotion. Lucien wished Allen could hate him in the way he did to David, maybe then he would leave, allow Lucien to rot and fester in the manifestations of his poor decisions. Hate him while he still could, before he sank too deep and got choked by the weeds, perhaps Allen would be able to return back to Columbia, write little poems that would conform to the rules of rhyme and meter. How was Allen simultaneously the most brilliant man he'd ever met and yet so reckless. How could he ever find the heart in himself to love Lucien Carr? Lucien's head hung low, miserable, but now with the absence of sobriety, his eyes swelled up, god he fucking regretted a lot and had dragged someone like Allen; wonderful Allen Ginsberg who had so much potential, into the dirt and stomped on his legs so he could never run again. "I'm sorry." (2) Lucien unable to place a label on what he and Allen were, lingered not too far from Jack; his mind half stuck on the leftover scraps of their previous moment where they'd just held each other. The more he kept Allen around, the more the line that was their friendship began to blur. He made friends spontaneously, he wasn't a long-term man, dropping people as he went along with the motions of life. Even better yet, if they resigned from the friendship first, beating Lucien to the inevitable separation he would've done anyways. Faces he'd met along the years began to blur a long time ago, the only ever prominent one being David. But pray as he might, no matter how much he drank or befriended, dropped, he could still see him as clear as day when he closed his eyes. At least that was how it was before meeting Allen, now he could see beyond the distance, past the mosaic blur. Perhaps it was the fresh abandonment, the lacking of support that had caused him to act so sporadically. Because he wanted to follow Allen to the edge of the Earth too, blindly; he wanted to trust again. The cold persevered, Lucien glanced at Allen manoeuvring through the crowd to the best of his abilities. Jack stood out, practically towered, he was like a light-house of sorts and that notion made him grin, just a little. As far as the eye could see, the ocean kissed the star-filled sky, without the lights around, it was easier to see the constellations. He was never an astronomy man, but he still found appreciation, perhaps more metaphysically. Lucien turned to look at Allen, just managing to make him through the dark and the dimly lit lanterns scattered across the boat. He didn't utter a word, just staring at the other. It was supposed to be a glance of reassurance, or at least a cry for one without the messy combination of loosely fitted words. It had yet to occur to him why Allen had kept around him so long with an undeterred devotion. It ached him, that Allen yearned for him so similarly. (3) "Christ Allen, you're not gonna make me say it are you? "There was that half-hearted attempted to make his voice appear as if it weren't cracking at the seams with all the loose threads coming undone. He inhaled a deep breath, shuddering as it exhaled past his lips and for Allen to hear just how low Lucien had finally descended, now he knew who he truly was; An imposter of an angel, feeding off of the whims of life for as long as his legs could still move and his mind could still rummage through the slums. "You shouldn't be here, or at least besides me. "It came out quieter than he'd preferred, he knew he sounded antagonistic with the way he was wording his sentences. But if it meant that this was the very last gift he could provide Allen, past the whirlwind of late night escapades and hungover mornings, through the poem recitations, he would do it. Allen would be safer else where, perhaps happier too, and it ached him to admit that he was finding himself developing an attachment of sorts. This would end badly, both of them knew it and yet they continued to light the flame on all their matches, waiting for it to burn their finger tips. He sniffed, still quite unsure how he was supposed to go on about with Allen's infatuation with him. To fall in love with Lucien Carr was a sin of its own, the many people that had came before Ginsberg had met unfortunate fates as a by product of hanging around him. Once they'd tasted the freedom he was able to provide at the sacrifice of all stability, the moment he diverged from them, they were no longer able to function on their own; always striving to try achieve that same feeling. Like David trying to revive their long overdue relationship that had ended the moment he'd left the state, resorting to desperate measures to glue onto him like a parasite. (4) Lucien was stuck, he had clung deep to the old habits of his past self, refusing to change in favour for an fruitless ambition that if he persevered for long enough, he may just be rewarded. His present self, the one enduring the brunt of it all and ever so aware of how Allen's fingers snuck around his back and pressed into him, thawing the chill that was beginning to bite at his skin. He knew he himself was aching for the fresh abandonment, a clean white slate after he'd so recklessly treated the last one. Without hesitation, he brought his own hand back up trying to desperately hide from the swimming memories still haunting him. How Allen tolerated him was a feat of its own. He wonders what Allen thinks of him too, after his grandiose displays of artificial knowledge that border on the line of pretentiousness to the common eye and could only be understood by someone who had bared in the same footsteps he'd followed to a path of misery. Because he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't actively aware of what he did had its share of consequences, he'd taught himself to strand all glimpses of attachment just so he could continue preserving his unhealthy habits. His conviviality is lost and he hopes Allen will still continue to stick around despite that, once realising his personality is made up of loosely threaded bits of false truths constantly spewing out of his lips. (5) Allen is a patient soul that has spent too much time for him, and it gets his deserted hopes, the ones he'd purposely buried under thick layers of impulsivity and the clumsy gambling of his life, running. He's shaky in his arms, the material of his coat is cheap and itchy against his cheek, the obvious signs of coming from a lower middle class, and he yet he still continues to caress himself into the embrace despite that. Ironically as a self proclaimed writer, he has yet to develop the skills to properly come up with the words to communicate his exact thoughts without masking it in some vague metaphor. He hopes Allen's brilliant mind can crack this puzzle, and understand Lucien's appreciation in more ways than one. His companion is generally standard in terms of physical aesthetics, he could see how some girls may lean into him, being more the type to bring back home to your parents. Lucien recognises Allen's partial-innocence is attractive to others, it was what drew him in the first place, a victim to Ginsberg's charms it seems; an untainted soul yet infected by the old verses of a generation blinded by their false intellectual merits. (Technically, he's dressed in the same traits as the generation he so abhorred, but the difference between him and them were that they were old bigoted fucks rooted in their own cages of confliction that only they may be right).  Their library heist had only continued to backed up his claim with the librarian being ever so inclined because of his inexperience. But Allen has now been grounded with a dozen experiences under his belt, and Lucien enjoys that his participation has now become a big contribution for the other's new mindset, for the better or worse. No longer an unbloomed stalwart, he loves how Allen thinks, how it almost mimics his and yet deviates in the best possible ways, enough to keep him on his toes, still enough space left to argue for a point. (6) Lucien parted his mouth, getting ready to spill the poetic injustices that he just so abhorred, that would eventually pivot into a vessel of knowledge in his own self-righteousness and inserting his own opinions into them regardless if they're relevant. A rhythmic knocking instead places itself where Lucien's voice should've been, it echoes from behind them and it sends chills down his spine. There's a beat of silence that remains between him and Allen, eyeing the door in hopes it was potentially the hall monitor or some lost freshman trying to find their way. "Lucien, please, I know you're in there.” It's David, pitiful and no longer sounding like the same man he did just a few weeks ago; when he was imbibing on the cups of egotism because he held all the strings to Lucien's feeble fate, regardless of where the gazelle escaped, the lion would follow until the prey felt weary. It was in his weakest moments would David present himself as a last resort, like some Guardian Angel. Lucien bats an eye at Allen, freezing up and looking for the next best thing to do. He's about half-way through packing and if he rushes to grab the remnants of his soul scattered around his dingy dormitory, then he might have a chance of escaping the circle. "I know I messed up, I'm really really sorry. Let me in, and we can talk about it, we can be just like we used to.” It's a leverage David uses often because he understands that's all that Lucien yearns, is for someone to rely on. David expects him to be sympathetic, attempting to twist the narrative of their bitter past into some lost-love story meant to fate in a happy ending. There's still a part of Lucien clinging onto what they used to have, this is what the result of their relationship was; still expecting sugar when given salt.

[hoopsies]

I found you through your Lucio's comic, but I really loved your lineless mood practices and I wish you could show how you choose the colors for it/ how you do those? It's so pretty and I need to learn about it...

TLDR : I cant tldr this, but here’s muriel’s process if you wantI’m so sorry for taking so much time to answer, I wanted to provide as much details into my thought-process as I could but… I can’t?

I’m someone who works a loooot on instinct, so there’s not really anything I can provide that’s practical :/.I’d only be repeating what has already been said (work with references/get out of comfort zone, practice makes perfect T_T…). But I can share the process of Muriel’s picture (which a lot people appreciated despite it being BAD [sorry but it’s the truth lol])

Also lastly, I’m a student and I’m still young, my stuff is faaaar from the ultimate goal!!! not like i’d ever pretend it to be, but just to be sure you check out actual professional artists!I try my best to do small pieces that follow the kind of thing Snatti does for example, it’s “simple” and effective. I personally try to do quick studies with the aim of doing something similar ;v; (ill never show them tho ahah nopenope).

Not all of the things I can say about Muriel’s pic goes into your question in specific, but I hope it can help! Also I’m french hope the terms translate well in english

- First thing I can say goes into composition : there’s a veeeery quick grid that highlights the rule of third! The subject of the piece (Muriel + Innana (rip) + The Heart of the Forest) is placed on one of the third because it “fits well”. It looks harmonious? You can always play with that rule if you wish to convey other feelings tho (squish a character on one third while another fills the other two for example, another with the same idea would be a characted on the top left dominating over another who stands on the bottom right, classic!). I didn’t have much in mind beyond just getting used to Procreate so there’s not much thinking beyond just having the pic look nice.You can check out the Lucio comic again and normally, you’ll see that the rule of third is almost always there!

- Next I put a main color as background + fill it with some others to have the general mood.Best advice I can give there is to avoid as much as possible layer effects if you want to improve faster on colors (otherwise have fun!), it’s just personnal experience, but being able to find the colors yourself on not rely on layer effects like multiply or overlay to make things blend together well is important, it helps for everything, i have friends who often work with limited color palettes and oh boi their sense of colors is so amazing they create beautiful things.I picked green (on the yellowy side because green green is meh) as the main color! But forests are very varied and you can do whatever you want! There is some bits of blue here and there too just to bring variety and avoid just saturating the pic with green (tho it still ends ups like that lol)

Thus far all the moody pics I made had a main color, so even the brown trees go towards the green side (thus end up on the yellow/orange range in the color wheel), it helps keeping things harmonized and further the ‘mood’ c:. I think.

- I lied tho, I still use layer effects for those kind of painterly pics, but at the end of them! Finishing touches! Multiply with dark green on the edge just to help the eye focus on the subject + hard light for the rays of lights uvu. There’s also an overlay overall to help blend things together because ya, I still struggle with colors.If you work with Photoshop, there’s A TON of post-production stuff you can do! Curves, Levels, effects! Check out tutorials or just experiment with them yourself, they make miracles.

- Lastly, have fun!! Ya obvious, I hate studies too TuT, so mash it up with stuff you enjoy! You don’t like backgrounds? But what if you could put your apprentice having tea time with Nadia at the end of it?? Struggling with male anatomy?? Me too man, but what wouldn’t I do to put Lucio’s face on them pecs?? Just find what works with you my dude!!

- EDIT : I can say something about the beginning too! I work almost always with masses, big silhouettes for everything thumbnaily-like (like, post-it sized on the screen), just to get a feel of the overall piece and composition, it helps A TON, both for making poses and just having the general feel of the piece work great, only afterward will I zoom in with and make another layer on which i draw the details.

MURIEL VID HERE

[mistymark]

nct dream x hogwarts

nct dream as hogwarts students // 2.3k words // masterlist // send requests here

r e n j u n

the only slytherin in the gang

probably muggle-born but also top of most of his classes

what can he say hes amazed by this shit

really good at theory-based subjects especially

history of magic is his bitch lets be real

sketches in his books and stuff

says he likes sketching with quills the most because theyre more aesthetic

donghyuck says its because hes pretentious

but the whole group pitched in to get him some really nice canvases and paints and other tools

one of his paintings is hanging in the school somewhere, and the little girl in it smiles and greets all the students as they walk past

somehow she always tries to spit on people who had been annoying him recently - and them only

sometimes she spits on Donghyuck for no reason

jeno laughs and says its because she has a crush on him

uses magic for the dumbest things just because he can

he mastered the wingardium leviosa spell within a week because he couldn't be bothered getting up to get things

when he gets close to graduation, hes pretty much practicing simple wandless magic

once freaked out the first years because jaemin charmed a storm cloud to hang around him for an entire day

it flashed lightning when he got particularly annoyed, which was a lot because that cloud was annoying as shit

has a really old owl that literally looks evil but has called it something like “snuggles”

laughs when he unintentionally swoops too low and skims other students’ heads on mail day

buys all his friends gifts during the holidays and comes back with bags filled with fun shit

pretends he never buys gifts for chenle and jisung

always ends up giving them more

cause hes soft like that

but he headlocks them after to show his dominance

has a habit of throwing his cases in the general direction of the dorm when he comes back from holidays and accidentally hitting other students

plays quidditch in his free time

debates strategies with Jeno during their free periods

gets called a traitor by his own captain

couldnt really give a shit about his own team, he prefers to support his friends

wears his school uniform properly and is the only one in the group who does so

j e n o

a Gryffindor

probably quidditch captain

and dubbed the best player on the team

super humble about it too

always commends his team for doing their best when they lose and every member loves him a lot

the captain that's always saying stuff like “it doesn't matter how this game ends... as long as we try our hardest and play as a team”

the entire team rolls their eyes at his cheesiness but the lack of pressure keeps them at ease

and majority of the time they play really well

though its clear his focus is on quidditch, he still does really well in his classes

cant cook but is somehow rlly good at potions??

likes all the really tiny creatures in care of magical creatures

and they like him too

has a slightly damaged snitch that he carries around with him at all times

one of the wings broke during his first ever game of quidditch and he never got rid of it

he keeps it in the pocket of his robes and fiddles with it when he's anxious about something

has a really good poker face when he's stressed and you'd never know until you hear the soft clicking of his hand playing with it in his pocket while he studies

has a terrible poker face when something confuses him though

during class its so obvious when he doesnt get something

renjun once charmed question marks to hang around his head and everyone in the class died laughing

even jeno

overall great sense of humour

he brought a cat

of course

and its always getting him into trouble for wandering into the off-limits areas of the castle or into the restricted section of the library

once jaemin joked that the cat was actually an animagus that was purposely trying to get him in trouble 

and jeno was spooked for like a week

wouldn't let the cat sleep on his bed and almost had a heart attack when he saw it wandering the halls between classes

but there was nothing wrong with the cat

shes just a curious girl

had a major glow-up between 6th and 7th year and everyone fell in love with him lmao

like everyone knew he was fit from quidditch but they didnt know he was that fit you know

heartthrob

d o n g h y u c k

an annoying brat

at least when he first arrived at Hogwarts in first year

has really good intentions though

everyone thought he would get sorted into Slytherin 

like the second he stepped on the train and found his way into mark lee’s compartment everyone was like this kid has GOT to be a Slytherin

but no! hufflepuff

true fullsun

used to be a beater on the quidditch team but he was forced to quit until he got his grades up

but he ended up commentating because he couldnt play

and who can actually talk that fast other than the lee donghyuck

and actually found that he enjoyed that more

so even when his grades were t h r i v i n g

he stayed as a commentator

absolutely hilarious and everyone loves him for it

is Not afraid to call out foul plays

mutters quick apologies to the professors when they scold him but does it again later anyway

tbh is actually really popular

known for being dared to stand on the Slytherin table and sing at the top of his lungs 

and actually doing it

he got two weeks detention

“worth it” - donghyuck, circa. 2019

has a talent for defence against the dark arts

acts like the smartest person in the room during that class

hes lowkey right tho

(don't tell him)

wears his tie way too loose and constantly gets told off about it

promises professors he’ll fix it then walks away and just,,, doesnt

his Hufflepuff scarf hangs off his bed frame back home

had a toad for his first few years of hogwarts but the toad ended up passing away so now he has a really troublesome owl

the owl itself is a good boy, flies fast and efficiently, but has a nasty habit of pecking donghyuck when hes hungry

“but hes hungry all the time” he whines when jaemin explains the bird’s just hungry. meanwhile, jaemin’s owl is sitting softly beside him, her eyes closed as he pets her

every first day back from holidays hyuck has red lines on his hands, arms and ears from the owl

chenle says its for giving the poor bastard a terrible name

donghyuck never actually refers to his owl by his proper name, always things like “bastard” and “dipshit”

theres a conspiracy theory about the owl’s real name and no one in their group will spill the secret

complains that the animals in care of magical creatures like him more than his own pet

“lol tru” - Chenle

j a e m i n

ravenclaw’s biggest flirt and most popular student

probably didnt even want to run for house captain but still got the position

theres a rumour that he was offered head boy but he turned it down

was the first one to find the kitchens and claimed it as the unofficial hang out spot for their group

if you’re ever missing jaemin, he’s probably in the kitchens chatting up the elves and stealing food every now and then

carries snacks with him everywhere for when he needs to comfort one of his babies house members

literally all the younger year levels feel so comfortable coming to him with their problems

has no issue with staying up in the common room to talk through things with someone

is known to walk people to their classes and then bolt to his own classrooms so hes not late

50% of the school is already in love with him

he was given the angel reputation back in first year and it hasn't let him down

is kind of a troublemaker tho

teases his classmates and even some professors that he has a good relationship with

really really loves transfiguration

probably wants to become an animagus

also wants to be an auror

absolutely loves defence of the dark arts

his owl is white and regal

like genuinely beautiful

she always looks like shes happy to see you

just like her owner uwu

he named her something sweet and meaningful

when Renjuns owl isnt able to fly, jaemin’s owl is eager to take Renjuns mail back to his family for him

wears his jumper all year round

its a good look though,, no ones complaining

was on the quidditch team up until his final year

he dropped it to focus on his studies and also being house captain

it takes him forever to go anywhere because he stops to talk to everyone

somehow knows everyone in school

even the third years in other houses??

runs errands for teachers with a smile

offers to buy food when the group goes out

c h e n l e

another muggleborn

but fits in so well

like the boy is just a natural at magic

unfortunately it doesnt always transfer into his grades

he has such a great interest in everything,,, just not on what hes learning

learnt fourth year history of magic in his first year but still almost failed his exam at the end of year

also hes the best other hufflepuff in the group

didnt understand quidditch for at least a year

ended up in the team in second year and is actually really good

probably the goalie

has the loudest laugh in school

the older professors claim they can hear him from the other side of the castle

somehow gets his hands on all the coolest magic stuff

has the marauders map no doubt

bought himself an invisibility cloak to mess with his friends

makes his professors laugh a lot

fist bumps everyone in school istg

like chenle w h y

really good at muggle studies too

made sure to select it as a subject the entire time he was at hogwarts as a slack class

doesnt really study and then feels threatened when someone gets a mark close to his

studies his butt off for the next test to maintain his status as top rank

definitely had a rat first year because he thought they were cool

and also because he knows rats can be pets like ??? wyd with owls you guys ??? shouldn't they be out in the wild or smth??

was super depressed when he found out how short the lifespans of rats were

ended up having to buy an owl in third year because rip nugget 2k15 :((

his owl is Small

thought it would be funny to call it renjun

but then renjun wouldnt talk to him for almost a week

visits the owlery at least once a week during his free periods to check on his owl

collects his thoughts up there

also rlly likes feeding the owls

sometimes steals Jeno’s cat

catch him in his dorm studying on his bed with Jeno’s cat sleeping in his lap

chenle claims its because the cats like the warm greenhouse vibe the Hufflepuff dorm has going on

but the real reason he bribed the cat into loving him when he first met it

probably was the one to lead the cat to the off-limits areas of the castle

j i s u n g

Gryffindors best seeker to date

kinda shy but is rlly admired by everyone

likes to piss jeno off by missing practice every two practices to study

but low-key hes so good he doesnt really have to go at all

doesnt want a career in quidditch but is constantly reminded he could have one if he wanted it

easily the most popular boy in his year

got asked out a few times this year and awkwardly rejected them all in the nicest way possible

he has a cat thats just as long and skinny as he is

jeno likes to call it sungie and it now responds to that name

enjoys care of magical creatures but very hesitant towards the creatures

but because of his care and precaution, the animals all really love him lmao

gets really soft around them now

seriously oblivious to his admirers tho

chenle once said if the triwizard tournament was to be brought back jisung would be the one to be chosen

has lived in fear ever since

okay jokes

boy could totally win

the only one in the group who has attempted and can successfully perform wordless magic

he knows way too many jinxes and charms off the top of his head that he can easily jinx you without even uttering a word

once was studying in the great hall when one of his friends teased him about rejecting someone and without looking up from his book he just lifted his wand and waved it, jinxing the apple in his friend’s hand to bite him

got detention but honestly the professor was so pleased with his progress it was only a one hour session

has a lot of sass 

evidently

never Fully awake at breakfast

always looks really good in the evenings tho

he comes down to breakfast with his tie half undone and the top button of his shirt open

undoes the top buttons when he’s stressed too

professors love having him as a student

especially because they know he hangs out with jaemin

but the fact that he was in renjun and Donghyuck and Chenle’s group was enough for them to be wary

but hes the perfect blend of fun and focused in lessons

likes studying outside in summer

enjoys walking around school grounds during the holidays

[bloomvroom]

Theres just this enormous pattern starting from childhood age on, of boys feeling insanely threatened by me and acting violently towards me or trying to explain to me that im doing being a girl wrong and me rlly not giving a fuck abt that and them just being rlly confused abt me, hating me, disliking me, or being really into me and sometimes also being super ashamed for being so. Like ugh who wud want the weird girl? Well, apparently you and a shitton of other guys. But im def not gonna consider you one bit and will take who is actually good to me, and not ashamed of me. lmao. u go back to pretending to be into typical girls that believe all the bullshit society taught them to be. u do that nd life an unhappy, lying, pretentious life. I’ll smile at ur misery for being to much of a coward to be true to yourself. genuinly.

But like in my graduation year it got pretty bad too, cuz even there a guy wud threaten to hit me many times. and nearly hit me one time too. And this was just cuz this guy wud sexually harass classmates of mine, nd theyd be scared and hate it but they also were socialized to always by typically feminine & polite in response to even the most disgusting bullshit. So I stood up for them. And they sorta thought im strange too, but they mostly liked me nd they also rlly fucking liked hiding behind me. It was almost a bit mean, cuz theyd go to the boys like, “Yeah shes just so protective so u cant do that. but im not actually angry at u, like just stop.” nd then in secret with me these same girls wud be like “wow im so fucking angry at him im so glad u stood up for me, its so fucking terrifying that he thinks he can just grab me like that.” nd id be like “well why wont u say that then.” nd theyd be like “well, like, I dont really know how to. that wud be so impolite. I dont want to provocate it.”

it was some sort of shitshow essentially.

cuz, theyd be like telling me partially its cuz they are to nice or kindhearted to reject them properly cuz they dont wanna hurt the guys feelings and so on, but in all honesty.. thats not the truth. these girls werent to nice or to kind. they just were scared what wud happen if they stopped pretending as if that sort of behaviour coming from boys was normal. they were socialized with it being normal, so they were scared to go against the grain.

cuz what happened with me when I did it? Id be threatened to be hit, or beat up. I wud sometimes be careful what door I left thru after school so nobody cud linger for me.

like guys will be like “uwu u want equal rights, then I get to hit u right?”

but like, in my experience the guys that think its their right to sexually harass women cuz they think women dont deserve respect, that think women are lesser and so on, they r already ready to about deck me in the fucking face for standing up to them anywei. its not rlly a big difference in my book. but its rlly telling that their only argument against equality is “when it comes down to it I cud overpower u physically” wow what great argumentation. :) that seems like a fun way to structure society.