#i cant even mentally access what was making me cry for 3 weeks anymore/atm
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learning some more
#it seems like my brain got upset with me like if you're just going to be crying over some specific things im going to take them from you#and lock them away#sorry for life just like video game description but it feels like when you reach the invisible wall on the end of the map#i cant even mentally access what was making me cry for 3 weeks anymore/atm#which is....gooooood?#in some parts...but bad in others...#id been talking about this on priv but im also experiencing a sort of self amnesia#where my brain keeps going back to weird mindsets.#like. when i think about relationships now im like 'hmm i dont knowww...idk how i feel about providing affection and care...feels weird'#'like maybe it isnt for me'#when i literally just learned im the most gushy worshipping guy ever (+ enjoy it)...like...why am i forgetting!!!! this is so weird!#idk if that makes any sense! is the brain trying to protect me from venturing out again...idk#talkys#also yay more brainlet skunker
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#i keep thinking to myself like you know a way to really get to that one mentor n really win a battle there. by fukn dying.#bc i know immediately she'd be there again sending rude emails with everyone in cc DEMANDING my explanation as i beg fr forgiveness#and if she'd then be told like uhh this girl DIED tho she'd get to eat her hat n choke on it like what. come at me. you cant im fukn dead#suicide#tw suide#just. just mention tho like chill this is my everyday life
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