#i cant eat solids much anymore because im so anxious all the fuckin time
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#ngl. im really tired of being brave#of having to be clever and witty in the face of people who want to hurt me#and other people thinking its funny or cool#its not fun. im not having fun. im anxious all the time#i cant eat solids much anymore because im so anxious all the fuckin time#and its just about wearing a fucking mask#but people take it so personal#and to be honest i have thin skin. i just pretend to have thick skin#but i come home and fall apart and sit staring for hours unable to process anything because im not safe anywhere#but i just have to ignore it. because there's consequences for trying to stand up for yourself in the hellscape i live in#like getting fucking shot#so i get to be quiet and clever and pretend like nothing's wrong#i dont get a sense of superiority about wearing a mask. im just fucking tired and i dont want my sister to die#i dont know if i would care if i died to be honest. i think it might bum out some friends#and i would like to do some things before then#but my coworkers already think im dying so
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