#i cant draw im trying but its so hard TOT but i like this one so whatever

[rapidhighway]

ill never be normal about them

[actualbird]

Been watching a video of a former art thief and a detective rating art heist scenes in movies and one that was shown was in a film called The Thomas Crown Affair. A thief steals a priceless Monet painting and its handled ROUGHLY, broken outta it's frame and BENT. IN. HALF to fit in a suitcase. It made me wince so hard and I can only imagine how much rage Marius would have felt at seeing such a scene a h a

KJBDJKGJDS THIS REMINDED ME OF AN EXCHANGE I HAD WITH A FRIEND WHO STARTED PLAYING TOT RECENTLY

UR RIGHT THO!! marius values art so fuckin much, he would BEYOND wince, he may just stop watching the show out of spite. you cant just show him a piece of art (a MONET!!!!) being mishandled like that without any warning!!!! whats the tv show equivalent of a rage quit? he does that if he sees this scene.

my brain went in another direction now tho, forgive me, but im thinking bout how precious art is to marius. not just his own, but like, all of it.

if anybody ever gave marius ANY piece of art, he would cherish it SO MUCH

a little doodle from mc goes on his fridge, pinned by a magnet. whenever she comes over she sees it and groans like "come on, i can draw you something better, take it down!!" and hes like "nope! if it's on the fridge, it stays forever! it's special now! ;)" and he pointedly does not tell her just how much that doodle matters to him, as silly and casual as the doodle is. it's on the fridge, it's special, he cant help but smile whenever he sees it.

luke gives him a tiny action figure that luke made himself and the action figure is now on marius' office desk at PAX. marius is not sure if this action figure has a button that makes it shoot a tranq dart, any gift from luke has the POSSIBILITY to be a fucking weapon somehow. still, he keeps it at his desk, making sure to get rid of any dust that gathers. feels as if theres a little soldier here now, protecting him from anybody who wants to go for marius' throat

vyn has never given marius a tangible thing but one time during one of their tutoring sessions, when marius was dead tired from lack of sleep and frustrated with how he couldnt think, vyn had gone to the piano in the study room and played a gentle melody to calm marius down. when marius asked what song vyn played, vyn shrugs and said it was a piece he was trying to write. marius has never forgotten the melody. he hums it to himself when hes stressed.

artem cant make most art at ALL but when marius voiced that he wanted to learn how to cook, artem had sent him a bunch of his own recipes. all of them take SO MUCH SKILL and marius is like I DONT KNOW WHAT SOME OF THESE WORDS MEAN but he knows that artem is trying, in his own weird way. and maybe marius likes the challenge. he keeps the recipes and laughs at artem's side comments about the cooking steps, and marius wonders if artem knows just how much of himself he's revealed in these words

art takes a lot of forms. the definitions of art just broaden even more when you yourself are an artist, and marius welcomes that.

is it a bad thing, to want to cherish more and more things? maybe. but if theres one thing marius will always believe in, it'll be art. and art from people he cares about is some of the most valuable shit in his life.

if u give marius art, hes basically never gonna leave u ever. good luck getting rid of him now, team!!!!

[flutterji]

anything| renjun ff

hi! this is my first ff on tumblr so hopefully it all works out well. hope u enjoy!

desc: y/n and renjun have only been friends for about a month, but renjun was in too deep. whipped renjun, gender not specified reader!! semi drabble, high school au (like all my stories hhh), very fluffy ! barely edited, its a bit long too but whatever

word count:  2103

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y/n and jisung briskly walked the halls of their oh-so-dreadful high school, talking about, of course, absolute nonsense. ‘i mean, like, salamanders are so cute, right?’ y/n questions the tall boy, and jisung nods enthusiastically. “right! so then why would they eat each other?” jisung added. “as babies, too! it doesn make se-” cut off from their sentence, renjun snaked his arms around the both of them before yelling, “hey guys!” “renjunie!” y/n exclaims, and a wide smile paints renjun’s lips. “whats up shawty?” jisung says before making The Fuckboy Face™. “eh, not much, just absolutely dreading and stressing beyond human compacity about the calc exam tomorrow.” renjun says, pulling his arms away and shoving himself in between the two. “maybe we can study? i- honestly i wont be any help, but i have some pretty cool notes i could share?” y/n proposes. “sure, when?” renjun says, without skipping a beat. jisung looks at the two and then looks away in disgust. “you oldies.” he says, before sticking out his tongue in a teasing manner. “whatever, loser!” y/n says, emphasizing the ‘loser’. jisung pretends to cry and is all but payed attention to when renjun bothers y/n for an answer. ‘we cant study if you dont tell me when!” “well if the exam’s tomorrow then obviously we study today! what are you, an idiot?” y/n says, lightly teasing the poor boy. “right, but like, when today?” “you annoy me.” y/n responds without really responding, traveling away to meet their other friend group. “haha, y/n hates you!” jisung says. renjun then nudges jisung not-so-gently before sighing. “i dont get it. i would do anything for them and they just brush me off like im... i dont know, what am i?” he asks, confused. “an idiot. a complete idiot.”

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as soon as school ends, renjun sends y/n a text. ‘library?’ is all he says, and y/n answers quickly. ‘get here quickly pls,,, i dont wanna waste time” y/n sends back shortly after. renjun walks to their schools library, and sees his study mate. “hey jun, hurry up before i start growing grey hairs.” y/n whisper yells from one of the tables. he had taken longer than he wanted to, so he rushed to the table and scurried to get out his notebook and a pencil. ‘right, so, show me your notes.” y/n says, half distracted by the drawing they were creating in the corner of a scrap piece of paper. renjun opens his note book, revealing his subpar notes. “dude, what-- how much time do you spend actually taking notes?” y/n asks before revealing their organized notes that definitely weren’t the best, but better than renjun’s. “i look out the window more than i pay attention, ha...” renjun admits with a sheepish smile. “sure, just read my notes and copy whatever you need.” y/n says nonchalantly. “thank you so much, you’re a life saver, y/n!” renjun exclaims. “of course i am, i’m me.” y/n says unexpectedly, before ‘posing’ and rolling their eyes.

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after some time had passed, renjun had gotten distracted. “junie, can i tell you something?” y/n asked, looking at renjun’s renovated notes. “sure, whats up?” renjun responds while flipping his pencil between his fingers. “there’s this girl that likes me, but i don’t like her back. it’s kinda so awkward, but i don’t want it to be. ugh, its so frustrating!” y/n whines as they drum their fingers against the table. “oh? who is it? can i know?” renjun immediately asks. “she told me tot to tell anyone. so i’m kinda already not listening, but as long as i don’t tell you her name that should be fine, right?” renjun whines and begins asking more questions. “is she nice? do i know her? when-” “shut up.” y/n cuts him off and runs their temples. “she’s... its not like she’s not nice, and you don’t know her, okay? ugh, i shouldn’t have even tried telling you about my love life.” y/n grumbles. “love life?” renjun asks. “maybe you could repay me by telling me something.” y/n offers, a smirk growing on their face. renjun tries hard not to blush and looks away quickly. “there’s, uh, nothing to talk about, ha.” he explains half heartedly. “sure there is! maybe not recent, but tell me something at least a little interesting.” y/n persuades. “uh, well, last year i made friends with this... person, and i liked them. they, uh, they moved away. yea.” renjun cant help but blush as he struggles to find literally anything else to do. “yea, sure.” y/n takes note of his blush and can’t help but wonder if he’s lying. 

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y/n begins packing up and renjun looks at them in confusion. “you have to go?” he asks, trying to hide his disappointment. “yea, im sorry. you got everything you needed, right?” y/n responds. y/n has a knack for ignoring renjun, the way he blushes, the way he often looks at them with wide eyes, the way he looks around aimlessly when he thinks, the way he throws his head back when he laughs, the way he bends his knees when he screams into the air when he’s frustrated or flustered, and... maybe they didn’t ignore renjun. maybe they didnt ignore him at all. “yea, thank you so much!” and he smiles the cutest smile and starts packing up his things as well. “you have a ride home? i’m taking the bus.” y/n asks. “i’m taking the bus too! maybe we should get a snack for the ride?” “YES.” y/n answers right away. renjun laughs and throws back his head, just like how y/n was just thinking about. a small smile creeps up y/n’s face and a boldness takes over. “you’re adorable, you know that?” y/n asks, swinging their backpack over their shoulder. renjun blushes, and hard. his heart races and he struggles to come up with a reply as his hand thoughtlessly covers his smile. “adorable, ha.” he says quietly. y/n internally yells and waits for him. “yea. so what type of snack do you want?”

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on the bus with chip bags on their laps, the silence is almost comforting, right before it’s not. the bus stops to let in more people, and renjun looks at y/n. y/n pops more chips in their mouth before looking back, and renjun swiftly looks away. they’re sitting next to each other, and renjun has never been that close to y/n. he starts noticing their more delicate features up close and feels his chest tightening. after y/n swallows the chips, they look at renjun’s hand, a single ring on his pointer finger. mindlessly, they pick it up to examine the ring. renjun’s heart starts beating louder at the contact, and he looks out the window without knowing what else to do. “pretty ring.” y/n says. “thank you, chenle gave it to me.” he says, smiling shyly. “so you’re married?” y/n says, a single brow raised. renjun takes back his hand and and looks at his ring. “its not like that! besides, i dont like him.” he says. “do you like someone else then?” “maybe.” renjun mutters so quietly that he can barely hear himself. “HA! I KNEW IT!”  y/n celebrates their small victory and renjun looks back towards the window with a stupid smile on his face and a blush on his cheeks.

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once renjun reaches his stop, he stands up. “this you?” y/n asks. “yea, bye!” he says, almost sadly walking in front of y/n to get out of the aisle. “no, not bye, lemme walk with you the rest of the way.” y/n says and gets up, walking out and away from the bus shortly after. renjun smiles to himself and walks towards his street, leading the way. “so... who is it?” y/n asks. renjun blushes and covers his face. “i can’t tell you that!” he says. “why not? huh? i’ll tell you mine.” y/n says. “yoU HAVE A CRUSH?” renjun practically screams. “yea, it’s not a big deal.” y/n says, right before pulling two lollipops out of their pocket and handing one to renjun. “fine, but, please don’t hate me.” renjun pleads, putting the wrapper into his pocket. “i promise i wont hate you. who is it?” “well, we only started being friends recently, but they’re just so.. i don’t know. and i’ve told jisung this, but i would do anything for them.” he says, trying hard not to stutter and even harder to not get a heart attack. y/n puts the lollipop in their mouth, and renjun follows. “anything?” y/n asks playfully. “yea, pretty much. i don’t even know why i like them so much, they act like... i don’t know, they kind of ignore me.” y/n secretly wondered what type of human would be able to ignore someone as nice and as attractive as renjun. “ignore you? it’s hard to do that with how whiny you are.” y/n laughs and renjun whines. “see, i told you!” y/n says and smiles around their lollipop. “anyways, do i know them?” y/n asks shortly after. “yea, kinda... hah, all of a sudden i dont really wanna talk about it anymore, so, bye?” renjun forces his hands into his pockets. was he really ready to confess? “fine, i’ll tell you about mine then. he’s really charming in his own way, and i just realized that i liked him recently. we also haven’t been friends for long, ha. i don’t know why, there’s just something about him, his cute little habits are so endearing to me. ew, i sound gross.” y/n pretends to vomit, and renjun sighs lowly. “you really do like him, huh?” he asks, defeated. “yea, i guess i really do.”  y/n smiles to themselves and nudges renjun.

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renjun kicks at a rock before stopping in front of a house. “well, this is my house, so...” “right.” y/n nods and presses their lips together. “hey, could you do me a favor?” y/n asks, right before renjun goes to walk up to the door. “sure, anything you want?” “anything?” y/n asks with a smile on their face. renjun lightly blushes, before saying quietly, “yea, anything.” he sends a small smile and y/n can’t help but walk closer to the boy. renjun’s heart starts pounding inside his chest. did he just confess?   y/n reaches out to him and gives him a hug. renjun frantically tries placing his hands on y/n’s back multiple times before finally resting them in one spot, placing his head in the crook of their neck. to him, it felt like they fit together perfectly. a giant smile paints his lips and y/n starts retracting their arms. ‘it’s you, renjun.” y/n faulters with their words. renjun’s eyes go wide and his lips part to let in air. he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “me. i am? it’s… what? he says, absolutely speechless. “you’re the guy i was talking about earlier. not that it matters.” y/n shrugs, trying to hide the fact that their heart was absolutely racing. “it does, uh, to me, because, you’re the person i was talking about earlier too, so…” he hides his face with his hand and looks away. ‘you think i ignore you?’ y/n says, surprised. ‘uh, a little bit…” he admits, shyly. he felt like he was going to explode, he was so flustered. “sorry, i’ll try to pay more attention to you?” y/n offers, paired with a crooked smile. renjun bends his knees and screams into the air, making y/n smile and laugh shortly after. “sorry, and, yea, that would be nice.” y/n hesitates before stepping forward and planting a quick kiss on renjun’s cheek, sending the poor love-struck boy’s heart to heaven and hell at the same time. a wide goofy smile is shared between the both of them. “ill text you?” y/n offers, hands trying to find a place to stop before finally landing in their pockets. “yes, great! i mean, uh, cool. very cool.” renjuns fails to hide his excitement as he practically floats on air and lets out a sigh, shooting y/n a thumbs up. “very cool, yes.” y/n laughs and finally leaves the boy to go inside, and he automatically starts jumping in a circle and clapping out of happiness.

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the end! 

[pixel-kila]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

i was tagged by @ask-witch-namjoon​ & @ask-witch-jiminie​ ( u tagged me on my other one, im gonna do it here bb hehe lov u )

1. Are you named after someone?

yep!! well its not just someone but also something.. the something is my first name, and the second name is someone lmfao

2. When is the last time you cried?

last last night(?), i overthinked and stuff and i got emotional listening to certain songs

3. Do you like your handwriting?

NEVER. its ew ;/ but ehh they tease me its a doctor’s handwriting hahaha i aint complaining coz i wanna be a doctor

4. What is your favourite lunch meat?

tbvh i love all meat, but lunch.. i’ll have to go with chicken.. esp mcdo chicken or jollibee chicken or inasal chicken

5. Do you have kids?

does friends count? >w< i have a gc on twt where i am their mom and the another one in kkt where im considered a mom too lol and i have 2 shih tzu tho i consider them my brother/sister 

kidding aside, nop!

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

sure why not, im p open for new friends! 

7. Do you use sarcasm?

sometimes, im not really good with sarcasm that much

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

im p sure yes???

9. Would you bungee jump?

okay! i have a funny story on this one >w< i tried bungee jumping once! and tbvh that bungee jump isnt even that high! like i swear its just not high and tbh the fall was machine controlled so not rlly that u’re free falling n sht.. but i got rlly scared wtF like i got scared i was on the top porch for so long i let the others behind me go first! i mean im already at the top and its a hassle to go multiple steps down so i just readied my self.. after there are no more customers behind me i did it.. damn i even prayed.. and like i said it was machine controlled so my fall isnt that fast or sth, but the fact that you’ll jump on ur own made me go mad //// but I did it anyways, and when i got down i cried.. I CRIEEEDDDD.. ToT i guess i was relieved.. but YUP i’ll def try it again, maybe the one in singapore/sokor.. someday

10. What’s your favourite cereal?

HONEY STARS & FRUIT LOOPS! i sometimes eat them without milk

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

yups, just a lil bit

12. Do you think you’re a strong person?

im in the middle of strong & weak

13. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour?

AVOCADO / CHOCOLATE / COOKIES N CREAM / CHOCOLATE W/ BROWNIES (( i cant pick one im sorry ))

14. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

their face and how they carry themselves

15. Red or pink?

pink... i dont like hot pink or rlly neon pink.. pastel pink def a fave

16. What is your least favourite physical thing about yourself?

my thighs..

17. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

im just at home right now so im wearing a pjs // orange, and blue for my house slippers

18. What was the last thing you ate?

adobo!! idk if you guys will know it ahah

19. What are you listening to right now?

spring day by bts

20. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?

baby blue / sky blue

21. Favourite smell?

im all for cherry blossoms perfumes, thats my fave! but any floral scent is a good one! i dont rlly like fruity smell / scent

22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

my dad

23. Favourite sport to watch?

basketball

24. Hair colour?

medium brown i guess

25. Eye colour?

dark brown

26. Do you wear contacts?

nop!

27. Favourite food to eat?

uh... THIS IS HARD... I LOV ALL FOOD?? but comfort food is french fries + ice cream! i could eat ‘em all day

28. Scary movies or comedy?

i’d prefer scary movies, but i dont watch it alone!!

29. Last movie you watched?

max steel!! 

30. What colour shirt are you wearing?

yellow :>

31. Summer or winter?

winter.. i lov coldness that makes u feel warm.. so winter

32. Hugs or kisses?

def both!! but im always down for hugs a lot!

33. What book are you currently reading?

im in a fanfic phase right now aaahhh i stopped reading the book im reading, but its “unearthly” (about fallen angels and stuff)

34. Who do you miss right now?

my heart is cold, i dont miss anyone at the moment

35. What is on your mouse pad?

i dont have a mouse pad....

36. What is the last tv show you watched?

errr are kdramas considered a tv show? coz if it is, its goblin! ;)

37. What is the best sound?

PIANO... it’s just so calming?? but um i also love the sound of water.. even if its rain or the beach waves.. i lov it

38. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

idk them?? i mean i know the beatles but i havent actually listened to any of their songs so idkkk

39. What is the furthest you’ve ever travelled?

los angeles! my butt hurt from seating in the airplane

40. Do you have a special talent?

um.. i draw?? hehe

41.Where were you born?

manila, philippines!

NOTE: IF U FINISHED READING UNTIL HERE I LOV U! LET ME KNOW IF U READ IT ALL URE PRECIOUS hehehehe ~

im tagging @ask-model-taetae @ask-bts-stuff @ask-blogger-jimin @ask-bts-rapline @ask-bunny-jungkook @ask-cottoncandy-tae @ask-college-taegi @ask-95z

[eaexu]

       COME AND TALK TO ME! It is an eerie staccato voice. The voice of cigarette advertisements, fierce sun, a two-bit bar with dead flies on the floor. They turn round to see they are standing outside a pinball arcade. CASINO! The Yankee growling voice comes from a silver and chrome machine. On its screen a square muscled man jumps up and down in a computerized urban landscape of skyscrapers and highways. Hands in raincoat pocket, jaw jerking to one side, he drawls again, COME AND TALK TO ME.          Gregory nudges J.K.’s arm. ‘Well, listen to the man, let’s take up his invitation.’ He puts ten francs in the slot. 

        HOW YA DOING? says the man TYPE SOMETHING INTO THE KEYBOARD AND I WILL RESPOND. The screen shirs as the urban cowboy crosses his arms and leans towards them.         ‘It’s in English.’         ‘Well, tell him how you are.’         Gregory turns to face the man. He puts another ten francs into the machine and spreads out his fingers. Pink and blue bulbs flash above him.

Do your lips burn up when we kissed right? Let me kiss ‘em again baby. Let me let me let me. I would like to fuck you. I would like to make you happy. How do you like to be touched? On the aeroplane over here, the air hostess demonstrated various ways of surviving an aircrash. She said we must blow on a whistle to draw attention to ourselves. Dont you think that is a little narcissistic? If everyone in the everyday of their lives who wanted to draw attention to themselves blew a whistle where would we be? What do you do to make people love you? I do cheap things to make people like me. I make them feel more important than they are and flatter them and when someone makes me a great cocktail I take a sip and shout DRAGONFLIES! In England I light my cigarettes with matches made in Yugoslavia. The picture on the box is of ‘Scenic Cornwall’ and shows a number of signposts on the edge of a cliff. One of them says THE FALKLANDS 8109 and the other says AUSTRALIA 170001. I tell you this because when I was a boy I collected stamps. It was my way of naming places and conquering the world. A stamp is a small picture. So I had lots of small pictures of the world. Madagascar, China, Mexico, Argentina, Egypt. A kind of virtual reality. 

What’s your name my sweet? Is it Johnny or Sam or Brett? I’d like to go down on you and for you to talk to me about football and religion and hamburgers and beauty and death and what it feels like to come. Were you bullied at school? When you were a teenager did you spend hours in your bedroom changing your clothes? Did you save up to the boots and shirts other kids had? What kind of Darwinian programmed you? Do you want to change yourself in anyway? Like speak in a deeper voice or have a different nose? Do you feel safe in this world? Or do you feel alone and scared? What kind of gadgets do you have in your home? Do they comfort you? Baby do you sometimes feel glum? Baby take care of yourself. Oh baby I’d like to stroke you and whisper things to make you not have fear. 

Honey, I want to tell you about a train I took to Kiev with my bit of a squeeze. We made love just as we got near Chernobyl and the loudspeakers in our carriage played a kind of lament to mark the tragedy of the nuclear accident. In some way it seemed to mark all tragedy ever. The cries of our lovemaking as we passed the infected cattle, children with shaved heads playing by the railway tracks and the eerie stillness of deformed trees were the only sound, snow falling, he and I sweating in each others arms and honey we were, in that moment, without fear. The high-rise blocks of flats we stayed in were called The Sleeping Region. I was brought up in a block like that in London. As a kid we lived on tins of beans and meatballs and hated to sleep because we were frightened. Darling, do you sleep sweet and easy and deep? Does someone sleep beside you? Breathing into the pillow next to you and you wake up first and feel them there and its just so great that they’re there and you know very soon they will wake too and you will move closer and kind of pull in the beginning of a new day together? In Kiev I opened tins of crab meat and caviar bought with hard currency and we slept easy. We slept easy and there was a famine outside. The circus played every night in Kiev -- an old man sitting next to me made a joke about eating the cats and horses after the show. Are you happy with your life, my sweet? The man said ‘You can always tell a tourist, their eyes don’t know where they’re going. Here everyone knows where they’re going.’ Do you know where you’re going baby? Is it a good place? Something to write home about? Is home a good place? Or just somewhere to return to? 

Are you pleased to open your eyes in the morning? What do you see? Do you like what you see? If you hate it do you feel you have any power to change it for something else? Oh my love, let me call you that -- My Love -- let us imagine what that means, you and I liplocked some place in the American South, perhaps where the Klan lynched our brothers? You and I in a motor on the high way making plans for the future. The radio is on and we hear the Soviet Union has come apart and then there are some ads for Pepsi and bagel chips, and back to a war in Yugoslavia, nationalisms, the internationalisms, an election in Great Britain, refugees crossing mountains looking for a country to feed them, a jingle for vitamin capsules; and all the time we are hot for each other through all this world news we just want to be in each others pants, and we pull in for gas and I’m saying, No baby don’t light a cigarette, right now, wait till we pull out and anyhow we’ll check into a motel soon. Hey Brett, Im Imagining America! It’s all from movies and magazines, I am fumbling to make you America. I am fumbling to make you and unmake you. Abe Lincoln on your dollar bills -- IN GOD WE TRUST -- pastrami and gas and tacos and beer bought with this image, he’s the guy that keeps the wheels turning. I’m stuffing chocolate into your mouth and baby ... you’re so hard, so hard honey ... you’re all fired up and I’m talkin’ dirty, Im talking physical, Im talking politics and dontcha just love it, got my fingers in your mouth and you want it bad. I want you too baby I want you too. Y’know that Springsteen song ... oh baby I’d drive all night again just to buy you a pair of shoes? Well I would. I’d drive to hell and back just to make you love me. 

How do you love? Do you keep it quiet and put it all in your fingertips or do you say words? What are your lovewords baby? What if the United States came apart? Would God come apart too and the stone pillars of the Abe Lincoln Memorial crumble and statues of George Washington be torn up from squares of green, watered by sprinklers? Torn up by crane and bulldozer? 

Now I am imagining Switzerland, Brett. I can see snow and stripped pine floors and coffee shops and cream cakes and blond people tinkling little silver spoons against their cups. I see children in nursery schools that are heated, very warm and very clean and their little snow boots lined up against the wall and gloves sewn into their coat pockets. I cant imagine you there, Brett. I am trying to see a teacher bent over your shoulder while you draw your mother and father and the house you live in and giant flowers -- but I just cant vision you in in Switzerland skiing and eating chocolate. You’d probably shoot up in your chalet, lie down in your shorts under the skylight, arms folded behind your neck looking up at the stars and dreaming of home and bourbon and cookies and having a haircut. You see how I am making you up, same as Switzerland and America? Does it feel like it fits you? Have you made me up too? Am I some kind of English faggot crazy for boys, cruising into my adult life in black leather under strobe and sonic boom of city discos? There’s such a lot to talk about baby, just you and me, man to man.

Did you hear about the man who went to a psychologist and said, Doctor I think I am a dog, and the doctor said, we’ll sort that out, now get on the couch. And the man said, but I am not allowed. Well I’m inviting you to be whatever you like sweetheart, Im listening to you, I am listening to everything you want to be and were not allowed. Brett, I am saying make yourself up for me baby, have as many goes as you like, be the man you always wanted to be, and I’ll be the man that lets you. Brett, life is long dontcha think? When you tot up the hours and days and months, its a lot of time. How much of that time have you felt precious? I want to make you feel precious, my treasure, my lovestuff.

Have you ever driven across a city you don’t know very well and you’re alone? Its night and you’re lost. Had too many beers in some bar where they look at you as if you’re an extraterrestrial immigrant and somewhere else in, in another city, there’s someone who loves you and you can imagine them looking at you in this bar now, checking you out, what shoes you’ve put on today and what you’re drinking and what kind of mood you’re in? And you want to say to the people in this bar who think you’re some kind of weirdo blown in to undo them -- I am connected to the same things as you y’know -- I have people who love me and I watch TV and I have a birthday and I brush my teeth and I am not always like this, eating crap pizza alone and lost with this look in my eyes. And then you get into the car and none of the street signs make sense, and you just cry. Brett, have you done this? And you think of all the people you’ve jilted meanly and all the people who dumped you, and your pockets are filled with old bills and tickets and you turn over all the secrets inside you? 

            SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED SOME HELP! The handsome urban cowboy uncrosses his thick arms and takes out a gun. Suddenly he jumps on a moving car, shoots, jumps off the car and thrashes a man across the head with his gun, runs, leaps over a motorcycle, climbs a skyscraper, kicks the man chasing him off the building, holds on with one hand -- a loop of shooting and dying and dying and shooting and dying and shooting and shooting and dying and then the voice says ... COME AND TALK TO ME.....

[x-puerbulla-x]

Im drainned dude

hi 10:33 18/08/2019

i need to vent my minds a mess idk, i havvent stopped in months and it has been very draining so i guess idk i didnt wannaa sounds cocky saying all the things i did but for the sake of me wanting tto le it out i will and all of this to lead uo tot he present that was me being eith my dad today and how it was, how i feel about it i guess. So it all starts back in may, 3 months ago, where i was trying to survive with my grades i had to make sure everything was gonna go smoothly in my desenho exam and then i also was starting to feel pressure cause june was coming uo and tbh june is just streeeessssfull, theres first mels birthday on 1st June and one week before we took her to the tosquia too, then theres Beas burthday but also my sobrinho santiago was born, on the 5th an then beas birthday is on the 6th, then theres the aniversary off bea and i's first date in the 16th wheere we had previously planned wed recreate to celebrate and then theres bea and i's actual birthday on the 22nd and we went to pride but i was all very hard cause idk i guess we wanted our first birthday to be good (or at least i really dis which gave it some pressure), but it happened;; we celebrated at pride cause we were lucky enouh this year it was on he 22nd, the 2 days later its my moms birthday and i usually dont do anything but this time i decided i was gnna do something and i did, i recreated her gradma's torta, clean the whole house spotless and then i recreated a card i had made for her back in '06;;; on top of all of these ne is exam seasson and i had to hardcore study for gd everyday trying to reach a unreachable goal of 67 exercises, with so much gd i ended up forgetting a litte about portugues and had to study last minute, luckly i knew what i was doing cause m aware i know pessoa pretty well so my plan was just to study the rest but i dont think i gave it enough time sinse i had an 8, the to desenho i didnt study cause cockly, i dont need to, i had a 13,4 which i wasnt happy with but thats life i guess, it wasnt woth the money tryng to ask for a revisao, well, and at gd i had a 5, when i needed a 10 cause i was aluna externa this resulted that after this hell of a month i had to suffer another one cause i neeeded to learn everything i didnt lean in 1 and a half years id gd, in les than a month so i had to stuy like a crazzy person, this time i didnt have to do 67 exercices it was a lot less but still i couldnt do it and i did as much as i could and more i broke down 10000 billion time ad i thought i couldnt do it i didnt fee prepared and tbh i was terrafied cause if i faied this exam i didnt have my 12th grade done and it as a pain in the ass to think about but still after madess of stdying gd all day and until 5 am i did it only with a 11;;; but i didd  it then that hell of a month ended and we get to this present moth but before that had sams birthday coming up and i wanted to surprise him with a cake cause bea and i had offered him cookie cake not knowing he was vegan now and it was dissapointing when we were like ,,, so you cant have it? cause we didnt know we wasnt jus veegetarian anymore blah blah blah, i had to do preaparations for his birthday and it was stressful, i wanted it to be good, the the day after we celebrate sams birthday im still not able to sit and relax a little cause its 2nd august and bea and i are going to veiros, dont get me wrong i was the one deciding to go but god i was tiring, i had more fun than last time i was there but theere wasa lot more stress too cause renataa was trying to cionvince us to go to university the whole time and it was a pain tbh cause i didnt know what to do but i ha a slight ide that i did wanna go bt then the problem was that because of that they ere all using me as an eexample to convince bea and i felt pressure to be like yeah im absolutely for sure going;;; at the end of the say i didd decide i wanted to go but then i was more stressed cause the dates were ending an i didnt havee my passe for dges cause there was a problem with it and my fcha enes was stuck to cause apparently you had to do thing in the secretaria to pik it up so i emailed the help line of dges for the password and asked my mom to go to school to ick up my ficha and ii did manage to have the pass in time but then the lady lied about the time the secretaria was open apparently cause when lena and my mom went there it was closed and i gess that meant that steess was over but id didnt manage to do the cadidatura in the 1st fase,;;;; which later on i found out i couldnt even do in the first place cause people with exams in the 2nd fase cant do the candidatura in the 1st fase soyahhhh unnecesary stess and now i need to wait until 9th september to do my candidatura and pray im accepted indesenho or pintura cause i do not want escultura as a everyday thing or at least i dont think i do ~ so;;; were n veiros also therees tension in the air cause tia tania an vo rosa are mad at each other, we did a lit of things everyday ehch made it less boring but i was so tired already that doing so much stuff wasnt my favourite at times now we came back 4 days ago but i still havent stoped and im tiredddddd, i think i only stayed 1 day home and it was to clean, we arrived in the 12, i slept in beas house and stayed ther the 13th, then i was home on the 14th, then there was the attempt to go to school take care of the ficha and it as closed but then spent the day with david and sof and bee, then my brother invited me to go meet santiag and then i actually went to school again and go stuff done and then the day arrived and i spent the day with andre and the baby, a friend, lena and rafaela, and her mom too for a bit (she was nice). all pf this leading up for today and this week, today i met with my dad just outside my house, he had miriam and pff idk he was having a talk to me cause we walked shiro and he was just saying o ho mirriam remind him of me and how were very alike and idk what to think of that, he said or drawings are the same and that she has my feitio, asked me to go to his place some day and all and idk it was confusing, he made me remember memories i was repressing, good ones but idk if itss good for me to remember those things, he reminded me of when i used hus bike and surprised him cause i was sall and he used to be on a bike aand id always ask like you could let me use it and etc etc and he was like come on mariana podes la tua andar com a bicicleta do pai its too big and all that and i told hm i couldnt go on it alone cause it was to tall but if he put me up there i could ride it and he did probably just to shit me up and i rode it to the end of the street did a cirve and got back and he was choked and all of this cause he said he really wanted miriam to learn too. he compared me a lot to her and talked about ho he still has lots of my stuff;;;;;;; i complainted about my doctor octopus;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; i guess it was to avoi talking about the situation with lena but he did meantion her at all ot as little as possible and it was weird cause that made it so that the way it was talking it was like i was his only daugther or that lena was never there which made me wonder about things idk i guess i never realised to what degreee i was ay closer to my dad than lena, its no surprisse we always knew lena got the looks of his side of the family but i got the personalty thats why me and andre get along so well (also andres sun is my moon cough) im pretty sure me seeing my dad makes my mom sad too, understandably so i dont plan to do it often, not everyone can be happy in this story and its definitely not my mom going to be the one thats not happy, i own her everything i ever had and tbh i only acceot the times i do see my dad out of ity and guilt and cause admiditely i do miss and crave having a dad idk i guess i never had one for real but id like to, but it doesnt sound very realitic so im not too expectant i dont believe i is ever going to happen i hope days fro here forward are a little more chill although i doubt that, at least for a week or so, maybe a few days if im lucky but today im meeting bea and sleeping there se if thats a bit relaxing, then tomorrow im supposed to go soewhwere with david and sof and then the day after with david, sof and sam so yah know, a bit busy i wanted to pint and to draw do thins in my sketchbook cause there hasnt been much time ffor that or cabeça i guess and knoowing myself i feel like that might work on making me a little better before the mess starts again cause of the candidaturas in like 2 weeks

anyway

12:46 18/08/2019 bye