#i cant do anything i enjoy not even knit or practice languages

[andragoras-in-vanity]

ah i love having a body that doesnt absorb medication when i desperately need to be medicated for depression

[letthesparkleshine]

You remembered.

The very much delayed part 3.

Oh and sorry for any writing mistkaes and such, english is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!  😁

Words: around 2.6k

Group: BTS

Members: Jungkook and Taehyung X you (might have lied a little in this chapter)

Part 1 *  Part 2

‘’What do you mean you met someone?’’ 

‘‘Y/N I’m so sorry..’‘ says Taehyung while he starts crying more and more with every second passing.

‘‘What do you mean you met someone?’‘ you say this time louder so everyone could have heard you, even the guys outside.

He still doesn’s say anything, he only starts crying louder. At this point you’ve had it enough and you go to pick up your things but he suddenly grabs your hand. You let go of his hand and just as you were about to open the door he says: ‘’ I never cheated on you I promise. I just met someoe and happened to fall in love with her.’’

You wanted to open the door again and he says: ‘’ I’m so sorry Y/N I really am. You don’t deserve me. But we don't get to choose who we fall in love with.''

Tears started pouring out of your eyes even more, you could hear your own heart breaking at his words. You wanted to leave again yet he stopped you with saying: ''Please just hear me out, I want to explain, I owe it to you.''

You stood in front of his door not knowing what to think. You heard his words yet you couldn't process them. Nothing made sense. How could this happen when couple of days ago was your 3rd year anniversary.

''Talk.'' You said with the last bit of energy you had in your body.

''It was somebody I met through Mingi. She was just a random girl and we hung out for that one night. Later on she became our makeup artist and we spent more and more time together. With certain amount of time passing she developed a crush on me and I told her directly that I have a girlfriend. I loved you so much Y/N I could never hurt you.''

''Loved'' you said silently, not wanting to hear your own words.

''I promise you that i never cheated on you Y/N I swear. Please believe me I respect you so much. And again I am so so sorry for not being the man you deserve. But believe me I never cheated on you, I could never do that you know that in your heart.'' At this point Taehyung was sobbing and so were you. Both of you were heartbroken but both for a different reason.

You took a deep breath trying to calm yourself down with that stupid technique but it didn't work. You could hear Jungkook laughing at you for being so silly and it made you calm for a moment. You opened your mouth wanting to scream to yell out your feelings but instead you said: ''Answer me just one question and I'll leave.''

''Anything for you Y/N.'' said V still crying his eyes out. He was heartbroken too. The girl he loved the most and still cares about is crying because of him. He never wanted to be the reason of your tears yet he still made it happen. One of the most important people in his life is crying because of him and there is nothing he could do about that. He was heartbroken indeed.

''When did you realize you stopped loving me?’’ you said as calmly as you could

Taehyung just stood there. He didn't want to answer that, he couldn’t. How could you ask him such question.

'' Y/N I can't answer that plea-''

''You said it yourself before that you owe it to me'' as you said those words you turned around to face him. You looked at him with your teary big blue eyes and he just brooke down. He couldn't hurt you like that he just couldn’t.

'' Y/N I can't –''

'' If you ever truly loved me then answer me please. Just say it and I'll leave you in peace with your new love.''

'' Y/N come on I don't want us to end like this, we cant end like this we were Tae and Y/N, two very good friends.''

''Well what do you want from me Taehyung, you fell in love with another girl, and I wish i could hate you I truly do but i can’t. Because even when you fell out of love with me you stayed loyal to me, and I wish you didn't.'' with these words you took another deep breath and you looked at him. He was a mess but you were no better.

You picked up the last strength you had left in your body and said: '' Now please, answer my question, give me a reason to hate you, I need that rason.''

Taehyung didn't know how to react. He stared at you blankly for couple of seconds, his gaze was beautiful it was always very beautiful and loving when he was looking at you, at least that's how you felt.

'' It was at my birthday party. You didn’t come, but she did.''

As V said those words you went numb, you felt a sharp pain cutting through your whole body. You never felt something like that before. So many tears were coming out of your eyes but you didn't feel them. The pain was just outstanding it was too much for you to feel anything else.

''Thank you for all the beautiful moments and for the beautiful memories.'' As you said that you took out of your purse the sweater you knitted for him as a gift for your anniversary.  You put it on his bed and left instantly, not wanting to give him time to react to your gift.

You closed the door to his room and took a moment for yourself. You needed a second to realize what had just happened. You wiped your tears and headed for towards the exit. You passed by the living room and saw his friends sitting, waiting for your talk to finish. As soon as they saw you they got up. Jungkook ran straight to you wanting to hug you and console you but you stopped him.

''I'm sorry everybody, I hope I'll see you around sometimes'' and after saying those words you ran.

You didn't know where to go, you just had to leave, you couldn't face anybody right now, you didn't want to face anyone right now. You just wanted to be alone.

You walked to the park where Taehyung and you had your second date and sat down on the bench. And that's when it happened. You started crying and there was no way you could stop. Everything you ever felt was leaving your body through tears. And it was good. You were supposed to cry, they said it helps. But screw them, what do they even know about heartbreak I mean they said even the deep breating helps and it clearly didn't. But wait, in that moment you thought about Jungkook, your Kookie. He looked very worried when you left their dorm and he wanted to help but you just coudn't stay there any minute longer. But Kookie was your best friend, you wanted to call him but he reminded you too much of Taehyung and any thought of him at the moment was killing you. So you decided to stop thinking and just cry your heart out instead.

After a couple of minutes your tears started to dry and you were organizing your thoughts. You picked up your phone and saw 20 missed calls, 11 of those being from Jungkook. But you decided to call back your best girlfriend Miri. She was your soulmate but in another way. She understood you and she understood how love works and that was the most important thing to you.

''Y/N where are you, what happened? JImin called me saying that you and Tae broke up, what in the world is going on?''

''It's true Miri we broke up, I don't wanna talk about it though I just wanna see you and cry with you so please can we do that?'' you said already in tears.

''Of course honey, meet me at my place I'll be home in 10 minutes.''

With that you hung up your phone and went to Miri's.

As you reached her apartment your phone suddenly rang. It was Jungkook calling you for the 100th time this day and it made no sense to ignore him so you answered his call.

''Kookie I can't talk to you right now so please leave me alone for couple of weeks, I'll see you soon I promise.''

You wanted to hang up but since Jungkook is a loud baby you heard him screaming: '' No! I need to see you right now. You see I'm having trouble breathing and I need to practice my technique with you.''

It made you laugh for a mere second. You were really grateful for having him in your life but you reached a point where you couldnt see him, it would just break you more.

''I'm sorry Jungkook but I really cant see you right now, I'm in good hands though, I'm not alone don't worry. Oh and thank you for making me laugh I needed that, I love you.'' And you hung up.

''You're here honey come in'' said Miri while running towards you to hug you. You really needed a friend at this moment, and you got the best one.

Jungkook's POV

''Well what did she say?'' asked Namjoon.

''She said I love you'' said Kookie with the biggest grin on his face.

''Oh hell no'', Jin could be heard coming from the living room '' no way, not happening.''

''What are you talking about?'' asked Kookie playing blunt.

''I know you like her and there is no way you guys are getting together. No way. No. I don't accept it. You do that and I am disowning you.'' Says Jin so fast you could barely understand him.

''First of all, I don't like her,'' as Jungkook said those words Jin's eyes visited his upper lids.

''and second of all, you are not my mother.''

''How dare you, you ungrateful little brat, I raised you.''

''You gave me nothing.'' Said Jungkook proudly.

''Well you can just fuc-''

''Okaay you two just stop. Jungkook we all know that you like her and there is nothing wrong with that, but you can't just go running after her when they just broke up. I'm sorry but Jin is right.'' Said Namjoon.

''I know but i just want to help her,I need to help her she needs me.'' Kookie was protesting the best that he could.

''I think it is you who needs her, and once again that is okay but you need to give her some time, she just had her heart broken, she'll come back eventually.'' Said Joon.

''Rap Monster is right.'' Said Jin very seriously. ''Oh come on bro '' said Joon while laughing.

Jungkook laughed at Jin's remark too and hugged the duo.''Thanks you guys, but you know how I am and that I cant wait.I need to see her now.''

''Jungkook she loves you but only as a friend, If you have to go to see her go as a friend because that is what she needs at this moment. A friend.''

Namjoon's words stuck with Jungkook the whole way he was walking to Miri's apartment. Yes she is just your friend Jungkook and yes she only does love you as a friend, but that can change, right?'' thought Kookie to himself.

When Jungkook reached Miri's apartment he stopped for a moment and thought of what he would say to you. He wanted to tell you everything, but Namjoon was right, it's not the right time. He should respect your decision and wait. He shouldnt have come. he turned around and walked back to his dorm. And as he was walking, his heart was hurting a little bit as well.

''I guess it just wasn't meant to be Miri, he was loyal to me to the end, he didn't cheat.. I can't be mad at him.'' You said.

''Oh screw him Y/N I've been sitting here for the last 3 hours listening to you crying about a man who is obviously being used by that sponge chick.''

''She's their make up artisti Miri.'' You defended her.

''Oh same thing she uses a sponge for her carrer path.''

''You know that's very offensive to other make up artistis'' still defending her.

''Yeah but we don't like her Y/N come one you cannot be defending her. Screw her. Screw them. We are going out tonight.''

''No way my boyfriend of three years just broke up with me there is no way I'm going out tonight.'' You say

''Oh but you are, you have no choice, you owe me remember?’’

''Seriously Miri?'' you ask sounding so devasteted. ''I just can't I don't want to please we'll go next time'' you try to compensate but you're in no luck. When Miri decides to go out you go out. And just like that 3 hours passed. It took Miri one hour to finally convince you to go out, and two hours to get ready.''

As the clock ticked 9 PM you were leaving Miri's apartment. The night was just starting and you wanted nothing more but to go back to your bed and sleep for the next week straight.

Once you reached the club, Miri got you in through her connections and as soon as you set your foot in the club, Miri was already putting a drink in your hand.

''No Miri I can't I shouldn't.''

''Just drink Y/N, I didn’t ask you andything.'' Says Miri.

''You know you can be a real b-'' and as you were saying those words Miri looked at you with a burning look so you just said with the biggest sarcasm: ''a real sunshine sometimes.''

And you took a drink from her hand and started drinking. And that didn't stop for some time. After 2 hours you were completely relaxed and had already forgotten about Taehyung situation. Well for a moment at least. But as the night progressed, you drank more therefore you were drunk more and more. Miri was in no better situation than you. She was off somewhere in the club dancing with probably the hottest guy in that place.

After couple hours of dancing and drinking you couldn't stand on your feet anymore, you had to sit down. A bartender saw you and how drunk you were so he called you a cab. From there on you didn't remember much.

You saw a familiar face taking you out of the club, leading you by holding your hand. After a moment or two you started kissing and things became heated.

But you didn't care about anything at the moment. You just wanted to be loved in any way possible. And you were.

You woke up with surprisingly not as huge headache as you would expect. It took you a moment to realize where you were. You were naked in some guy's bedroom. And he was still sleeping. You had no clue who could it be, you seriously didn't remember anything from last night.

You looked around trying to get your things without waking the guy up. You really didn't want to face him but as you got up to pick up your shirt you were wearing last night, the guy turned around in his sleep and you could see his face.

It was Jin.

[hillywooddestiel]

A Warlock's Troubles

Characters: Magnus x warlock!Reader (kinda platonic since I'm a Malec shipper but if you want it to be romantic it could be)

Warnings: explicit self harm, talk of self harm, bit of language, bit of fluff though

Word count: 1.1k

Description: anonymous asked

heya! idk if you still write for shadowhunters but if you do, i'd love to read about magnus taking care of one of his former students, as she badly hurt herself willingly (warlocks cant always love themselves do they?), and like he cares for her, and tries to get her mind off selfharming for a bit, maybe like dancing together, like back in the old days? of course, if it triggers you, you can decline this request i'd understand! have a nice day! 💜

A/N: I've been meaning to post for so long but kept forgetting and I feel really bad because I got this ask so long ago but here it is! More Shadowhunters! Any more requests? Just send an ask. Enjoy xx

Story:

“Stupid… worthless… piece of shit!” Y/N added more crimson lines to her upper arm with a sharp shard of glass from the vase she knocked over. That's what tipped her over the edge. Over the past few days, she'd been feeling awful about herself and felt every little mistake she made hit her heart. As the blood collected in drops and rolled down her arms, she dropped to her knees on the floor and began to sob. The feelings would pass, they always did eventually. She'd be clean for several months, years even, and then things would build until she snapped, reaching for something sharp. It had been the save for years. Being centuries old wasn't always a good thing: people you loved grew old and died, you had to live through wars, people would come for help beyond your abilities leading them to suffer.

“Y/N darling? Are you home?” Magnus Bane. Oh no, “I would have knocked but you appear to have left your door unlocked. Y/N?” He came around to the study- the place he often found Y/N busy beavering away on spells and charms.

“Magnus wait-” she told him feebly as he came through the open doorway.

“There you are- oh no no no no no! Dear, no!” Magnus knelt down beside Y/N, snatching the glass away from her hand and tossing it away.

“Magnus please,”

“No, Y/N dear, I'm not leaving you like this. We've been here before.” He hugs her tightly with one arm while lifting her injuries to the light, casting a protection charm over them. A magic elastoplast.

Magnus made up a fast healing concoction with the ingredients Y/N had in her alchemy cupboard and slathered it all over her arm, whispering some incantations for good measure, before making her a cup of herbal tea and wrapping her in a knitted quilt. Y/N thanked him quietly and sipped from her teacup.

“How long this time?”

“Nearly three years.” She told him solemnly, fiddling with the corner of the blanket.

“Don't beat yourself up dear, keeping your thoughts bottled up doesn't help in this situation. Do you want to share with me what's on your mind?” he asked, reaching to hold her nervous hand. She remained quiet, seemingly ignoring him, “You know I'm not going to stop asking… you'll feel better.”

“A little girl got sick. Her mom came to me for a remedy and I didn't get it done in time... The girl died Magnus, she died! Because of me!” Y/N looked to her former teacher with tears in her eyes.

She'd been busy, really busy; her diary was full for a whole month. The woman burst into Y/N’s home office in floods of tears begging for a treatment that would mean her daughter, willing to pay any price. Everyone that came to Y/N for help desperately needed it. With regret, Y/N told the poor mother that there was a waiting list for her services and she would just have to wait. Just one week later, Y/N had the potion made and was knocking on the door of the woman who had come to see her. The same woman answered it with bloodshot eyes, a crumpled tissue in her shaking fingers: the little girl had passed away from her illness that morning.

Magnus didn't say anything. He'd been in Y/N’s position many times before. Nothing could be done about it. Warlocks may be powerful beings but they can't save everyone.

“What are you doing?” She asked as Magnus got up from the sofa and shuffled over to the corner table. The static sound of a needle hitting vinyl and 20s swing filled the room.

“You need a distraction. I hope you haven't forgotten how to do the Charleston my dear.” He extends his hand for her to take.

“I could never.” She grins, placing her hand in his and standing to begin their dance. They kicked their arms and legs to the side in unison while moving around in a circle before cross stepping forwards and backwards in line with one another. After that, Y/N held Magnus's shoulders to kick herself up into the air, twisting her body to land facing upwards to kick her legs one at a time moving backwards. Helping her back up smoothly, Magnus began performing fishtails with Y/N following his lead. The moves all came naturally to the pair as though it had been merely a day since they last practiced and not nearly a century.

It was how they met, dancing. There was a speakeasy run by a warlock and full of magical curiosities. It was a wondrous, and most importantly safe, place for warlocks and other brings with demon blood in their veins to go to and be themselves. Y/N came to the city having been disowned by her family for her powers and the teenager was terrified. After overhearing some passers-by, she found her way to the hidden establishment and instantly felt at ease. Everyone was different and unique. She felt that she would fit in. There was a little trouble with some werewolves built like brick walls but she defended herself with the help of a little magic, which is where Magnus stepped in.

“You have power, child. I'm impressed.”

“I'm sorry, who are you?” Y/N was defensive at first- her mother wasn't the best but she did teach her that men weren't too be trusted, especially older men.

“Magnus Bane, fellow warlock.” He flashed his amber eyes at her as proof.

“What do you want, mister?”

“An apprentice. You have much potential and I believe I can help you.”

“Are you feeling better, Y/N?” Magnus asked as they fell onto the couch, breathless.

“Much.” She responded, though her hand ghosted her injured arm. He took notice of this and took hold of her hand in his.

“Listen to me darling, it wasn't your fault. Here,” he produced an emerald necklace with a large stone set in gold, “I want you to have this. Whenever you feel like hurting yourself again, hold this stone in your hand. I have a matching one connected to it and I will be here for you right away.”

“Thank you.” Y/N wrapped her arms around Magnus in a tight hug, tears escaping the corners of her eyes. Living for such a long time gets old and the feeling of helplessness never truly goes away but, with someone who is there for you, things can never be too bad.