#i cant believe i was stupid and naive to believe itd be different this time around

[sukunas-play-thing]

I made a huge mistake trying to date.

And it'll never ever happen again.

[tumblunni]

Today's random mood is soft thoughts about my headcanon of McKraken being Squisker's adopted nephew before things went wrong

* Squisker was the very beloved mayor of the springdale yokai realm, which i am choosing to call Springdoom until we get a canon name, yes. He was 100% a good dude and Mckraken falsely accused him of the crimes that got him imprisoned away in the infinate inferno, in an attempt at a coup to take his power and begin his anti human warfare. But also i think itd be saddest if Mckraken did genuineky care for his uncle, and he'd just become so carried away in his obsession for revenge that he started getting paranoid that all his loved ones were plotting against him. He's probably haunted every day by what he did and after his redemption the first thing he did was fight his way thru the inferno to set right what he'd done wrong!

* They first met when Squisker was just idly visiting the human world and stumbled upon a baby yokai all curled up and scared in the wreckage of a beach destroyed by an oil spill. Originally he just wanted to help the kid get to the yokai world and find a new family, but then the lil guy called him "unca" and his heart(s) were totally melted! It kinda helped give the old man a reason to live again, during a very melancholy time of his life.

* Imagine babby mckraken sleeping in the sink cos he is just a smol squiddy and does not understand fancy society yet. "But why would you have a tiny pond thats not for sitting in!" Squisker introduces him to the concept of beds and he's initially very suspicious of this strange land rock. But then he bounces up and down on it and its just like waves! Its a magical sea land hybrid!!

* Various funny circumstances of squisker being this fancy politician man and trying to introduce a feral sea child to high society. Even funnier if the rules of yokai high society are wildly different to humans, like you have to hold every single fancy fork simultaneously in your tentacles! Possibly some cute moment where the kid's innocent 'but why' questions get squisker to realize he's being all stuffy and fancy when its not really necessary, and maybe itd be fun to loosen up and enjoy himself?

* Melancholy episode where babby mckraken keeps trying to adopt fishies from the human world and bring them home to protect them. Squisker has trouble explaining that mortals cant survive for long in the underworld, which would require first explaining to this poor kid what death is and that he's dead...

* maybe possibly one of those fish does come back as a yokai decades later when mckraken is all grown up, and pledges eternal loyalty to him for the kindness he showed as a child? And thats the backstory of that one fish boat boss dude everyone forgets.

* Headcanon of maybe mckraken's signature inspiriting power is 'colourlessness' or 'nothingness'? He can drain energy out of stuff with his weird hand mouths and it turns black and white. And perhaps for maximum angst the reason Mckraken himself is colourless is because that day his paranoia overtook him and he betrayed his closest family member, he used his own powers on himself to erase his emotions enough to be able to silence those doubts...

* Alternative headcanon is just that turning colourless is somethibg that naturally happens to yokai who lose all hope. Supported mostly just by the fact whisper is a notable white yokai who isnt part of The White Yokai, and also his backstory form had more colour and that backstory was really damn tragic...

* Oh and Squisker only attacks you in the infinate inferno because he's gone mad from rage and grief and just attacks everything indiscriminately. This is actually canon to his japanese medallium entry! (Though him being a good guy before being imprisoned and him being a father figure to mckraken is all speculation)

* so imagine a post redemption mckraken teaming up with you to try and recsue his uncle from the prison he put him in, ans its super depressing when he gets to squisker's cell and sees he's so far gone theyre gonna have to fight him. And maybe some sort of scene of him shielding you from one of squisker's attacks and getting heavily wounded, to prove how he really is legit about earning his redemption?and its this moment of kindness that makes squisker recognise this is his nephew, and come back to his senses. And i can just imagine mckraken weeping because what right do i have to be forgiven? You stupid old man, youre way too naive! Sobbing and hugging him and in his eyes squisker can see the sad young child he adopted so long ago, finally free of the chains of hatred he'd destroyed himself with. And then theyd go back together to the town and of course all the citizens woukd be like HOLY SHIT SQUISKER'S BACK, WE'RE SORRY WE DIDNT BELIEVE YOU, OH GOD MCKRAKEN TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE HUMAN WORLD and they immediately wanna elect him back to his old position. But Squisker insists on letting mckraken back into the town and giving him a second chance as his chairman, as well as his nephew. Claims its just because 'oh well ive been gone so long, i need someone who knows more about modern politics'. And probably works his ass off to clear his nephew's name and convince everyone that mckraken did what he did because of his love for this city, even if it was wrong it proves that he has a good heart and you should let him have a second chance! Aaand its hard to disagree i guess when the guy most affected by mckraken's takeover is also the one arguing for his redemption! The whole time mckraken is probably grumping about trying to deny it all and being like 'no put me in the prison its what i deserve NO I DO NOT HAVE ANY REDEEMING TRAITS DAMMIT'

* anyway i just like stories about broken families trying again, even if they cant be exactly how they used to be, as long as they both want to be a famuly again then they can be something new thats equally as good.

* also cute squid dad slice of life adventures is probably the most blessed sentence in the english language

* imagine babby mckraken always hiding shyly behind squisker cos he's never met any other yokai before and he doesnt know how to make friends with the other kids. But i dunno, maybe squisker is like 'youre such a bright young child you can help the others learn to swim!' or some other case of finding something he's good at and encouraging it as a way to bond with others. Oh maybe Mckraken's cooking skills started with learning to cook with his uncle and bringing snacks to school and all the other kids would be jealous? So he just sorta ended up with a tendancy to make food for people, which stuck around even when he turned evil. Still gotta open every evil meeting with sake and sushi! Gotta nag your minions that theyre not eating enough and they need to take care of their health! Gotta spend eighty hours decorating an elaborate layer cake as stress relief from dealing with that lousy human kid. Now grab a plate and sit yer asses down, you damn layabouts! Youre gonna cherish every mouthful, god dammit!! Also he totally wears lil oven mitts on all his tentacles.

This has been a miscellaneous ramble of squid redemptions, goodnight y'all

[josiegellersbff]

its not okay

so.. very few times in my life have i wished i had never met a certain person, but i guess i need to make the list a little longer. I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing about how hurt i am. i've been awkward and fat most of my life but it's never really felt like that was all that i am, until i met you. Months went by where we talked as if we were already dating, you called me beautiful, gorgeous, adorable, and so many other sweet things and told me meeting me would be the best birthday present in the world. i had hope in my heart that everything was going to work out. i was anxious as fuck but i put the final touches on your present, and headed off to see you.. three hours away. i had the whole drive to think about best and worst case scenario, little did i know itd be worst case pretty much from the start. i got to your apartment and gave you your present (which i didnt even see you look at twice) then i played with your dogs (who liked me more than you did, apparently) while you cleaned out your car so we could go. We get in the car for the 20-25 minute drive, during which i try to make conversation and you're just not having it. We get to the aquarium and you fucking speed walk through the while thing only occasionally looking back to see if i was still there (EVEN THO IM PRETTY FUCKING POSITIVE YOU HAD WISHED I WASNT). Afterwards, we're walking back to your car and you get a phone call. the call lasts about 5 seconds, and you casually (while not being able to look me in the fucking eye) tell me that you need to go pick up your friend so youre gunna drop me off and go get her. i could feel in my gut that you were lying to me and there was no emergency. We get back into your car at the aquarium and yet again for the whole ride, not a word is said. i started sniffling just because of allergies and you look over at me, i looked the other way because even tho i wasnt crying i kind of wanted you to think i was. then you started sniffling, part of me hopes you have allergies but the other part hopes you were crying because you realized how fucking shitty the situation was. we get back to your apartment parking lot, you park, and then cant even look at me. you lean into your steering wheel, say "sorry again", and that was that. i tried to say thats okay but it wasnt so it came out a little delayed and weird but that was the least of my worries. You sped off before i was even inside of my car, where i sat for probably 5 minutes just crying because of everything that just happened. i compose myself enough to drive and head to my sisters because LUCKILY i had somewhere to go, not that you cared. In an unfortunate coincidence i had to drive by your work to get to my sisters and GUESS WHOSE CAR WAS IN THE PARKING LOT?? The same exact car I just had one if the worst experiences of my life in. The same car that is supposed to be off rescuing a friend in need from her home. The same car i used to imagine we'd go on road trips together in. All this does is confirm all of my worst fears. i get to my sisters and wait a little while and then message you saying i hope your friend is okay. you tell me "thanks, she's really shaken up" STILL LYING TO ME. i ask if youre gunna want to try again tomorrow and you say you have to work. after telling me the very day before that you couldnt wait to spend the two days, that you had taken off of work for your birthday, with me. So at this point its nothing but blatant that you're not going to tell me the truth. I should've given up right there but i go on to ask if i did something wrong, you say "no? i just forgot i have to work" to which i said "i just thought maybe it was me because you said you were off for your birthday" and you tell me somebody got fired so youre covering. this is a totally reasonable answer but after everything that has happened, i dont fucking believe you. I was already so defeated and embarrassed so i didnt want to push. i tell you you can just message me later because you're supposedly consoling a hurt friend. i sent you a video of my nephew because he's the cutest but thats it.. i didnt push, i didnt bombard, i didnt do anything. then its midnight and i go to snapchat a friend about everything and i immediately realize your name, along with our snapstreak, is fucking gone. My heart sinks even further and i go check facebook to see if you deleted me there too and sure enough i see that dreaded lil "add friend" button. Without a goodbye or a single word, you deleted me from your life. I cant recall ever being so embarrassed or defeated. All that was left of us was your picture on my snap story where the night before i had told you happy birthday and that i couldnt wait to see you, along with all the screenshots we took of each others cutesy snaps. Actually thats not true, my phone is chockfull of songs that i only listened to because they made me think of you and everything we were going to be. Ive already deleted some music and pictures but after this post i plan on purging you from my life. I cant express how stupid and naive i feel because i believed everything you told me, i actually thought this was going to work out. Maybe its my own fault, maybe i jinxed everything by telling people and posting about you. No matter what, im sorry. Whether i did something wrong or you just didnt like the way i looked, im sorry. I'm sorry because, not to sound arrogant, i saw the difference in you when i was in your life. You were happier in general with the idea of me in your life. Im sorry that i either did something wrong or you are so fucking shallow and that this didn't work out. i know you wanted it to, so yeah im fucking sorry and i cant even tell you because you had to go and do the bitchiest thing possible and delete me from your life. A big part of me still wants you to be happy but the rest of me wants you to use that owl mug i gave you (because you love owls) often af and i want you think of that girl you fucked over that one time. I want to be stuck in your head. I dont want you to suffer but i do want to cross your mind sometimes. I dont want to be forgotten because this wasnt okay. I told you it was, it was the last thing you heard me say, but its not. In no way, shape, or form is this okay. I'm not okay. I was falling for you and now i feel like I cant trust my instincts because you got in under my soggy asshat radar and that pisses me off. I'm already dreading the day i run into you somewhere random after you move here next month. my family says theyre proud of me for even going to see you but im so full of regret it makes my heart hurt. I feel like i've lost a girlfriend and a good friend, even tho im supposed to just hate you now. I miss you so much and i feel like an idiot for it because it was so easy for you to just leave. At least it's over now, I guess. I don't have to wonder what will happen anymore. Bye, E.