#i cant be the only one here who thinks something’s going on over there
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Getting caught in the rain with Arthur leads to him finding creative ways to warm you up.
(high honor) arthur morgan x fem. reader
I love this trope! prob been done before but I cant resist... 😔Can you believe I wanted this to be a short head canon post?? LMAO it ended up way longer than that. That's why it has a more casual thing going on despite being super long 🥲Happy thanksgiving! This is for the girlies who are stuck with family and need something absolutely filthy to read !!! 💕💕💕💕💕
Warnings: NSFW content, vaginal sex, while honor isn't too relevant, arthur is very sweet and hes kind of a weenie here, in a good way! arthur does not have bad intentions here, he's genuinely a sweet little man...
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Thinking of begging Arthur to take you away from camp for a while. Maybe you haven't had a bath in a bit or you're sick of hearing Swanson drunkenly parade around camp. But you've decided to ask Arthur, he's always so sweet to you and you know he won't say no. And Arthur and his stupid bleeding heart (the one that bleeds so much more for you) grumbles and pretends he's thinking about it but really he'd probably say yes to anything that came from your lips. He has no regrets when he sees the smile you give him. You're hoisted up onto the back of his horse, holding onto his waist so you don't fall. Arthur is desperately trying to play it cool.
Then the rain starts coming down, you're soaked through very quickly and Arthur, such a gentleman, sheds his coat to give it to you, except now he is soaked through as well. The both of you are freezing and he tells you that you have to stop until the weather clears. He’s cussing up a storm worse than the one you're in. You nod, just wanting to be warm, wracked by shivers. He comes up on an abandoned shack and guides you inside, shutting the rain out. You're standing in the center of the room, looking like a wet cat after a miserable bath, Arthur is kind enough to take his coat off of you, giving you a ratty old, moth bitten blanket but it doesn't do much of anything for the cold. Trying to get a fire going proves fruitful but it's a small one and the wind blowing in from the flue almost puts it out several times.
Arthur feels so helpless, sitting there watching your teeth start to chatter as you sit in front of the pathetic little fire. He's trying to apologize (Ah, I’m sorry, I didn't know it was gonna come down like that,) but you only tell him it's not his fault. He has to help, all he wants to do is help. Things aren't getting any better and he doesn't want you to come down with something on account of him being an idiot. And then he gets an idea. He’s red all over flushed at the thought but he knows taking your soaking clothes off would help. And he's standing there, awkwardly, one hand rubbing the back of his neck while he tries to hide under his hat. He’s gently clearing his throat, trying to get your attention.
“Maybe we could try… I…could…” he's nervously stumbling through his words and he's looking at you, sitting on the floor, desperately trying to warm your hands by the fire. You look up to him but he can hardly speak, so enraptured by the look of utter trust, reliance on him. His mouth hangs open but he swallows the lump of spit in his mouth. He tries to shake off these boyish jitters he gets around you. “Uhhh- I mean, it would be better if we weren't sittin’ round in these clothes, I guess, can’t be doin’ you any good...”
“Really, you think so…?” Your voice is quiet and meek, struggling to say anything past the clicking of your teeth and the shivers. “Well then, turn around, Arthur,” at your obvious attempt to be modest, he nods stiffly and turns towards the wall, listening to you take your dress and your underskirts off, landing in a wet plop on the floor. You whine, peeling yourself out of your undergarments before a quiet ok leaves your lips. He turns and you're desperately covering yourself with that dusty blanket, legs bare, fabric hardly long enough to cover the soft mound between your legs, the fat of your inner thighs squished together. Arthur has a hard time keeping his gaze from locking onto any of the inviting bits of skin you show him. You're embarrassed, biting your lip, squeezing your arms around yourself.
“Aren't you gonna- Arthur, you're gonna do it too, right?” Arthur has a hesitant nod and a course even though he just now thought he should probably follow along to help make you more comfortable. He’s removing his hat first, nothing to hide under now and he notices that you watch him take his gun belt off, unfastening his suspenders from his pants. You finally look away, his boots and his pants are peeled off and his shirt is unbuttoned. He’s breathing heavily now, naked as the day he was born. But you won't stop shivering. Your hair is still wet. And the fire is struggling to warm you from the bitter cold that clings to the dusty air. There isn't much left to burn for the fire.
“You want me to hold you?” It's out of his mouth before he can stop it, trying to smack away these thoughts about the glimpses he’s getting of your naked figure underneath the blanket. He swears it's only out of necessity, that you're just not warming up fast enough. “Don’t want you gettin’ sick on me,” He really does only want you comfortable. Unrealistically hoping this won't change what you most likely consider a friendship. You nod, vigorously.
“I think it would be ok, maybe if you just didn’t- didn’t look. Just- don’t look,” and you're desperate, curling up in his lap in front of the wavering fire. You're unable to look at him, but you still rub into him, enjoying how his body warms up a lot faster than yours. And both of you make some excuse that things would be better without that old blanket between you two. And suddenly you're pressed into him, his arms tight around you while he looks at the ceiling to avoid staring at things he shouldn't. Arthur struggles hard to keep from rubbing upwards into you, trying to keep you from sitting directly between his legs, afraid the way his body reacts to the feel of your body will scare you, scandalize you. But you only seem to want to be there more, getting comfortable with him. His chest hair tickles you, the hair creeps all the way down his torso. You giggle softly as it tickles you. His heart beats fast at the feel of you, so soft compared to the roughness of him.
As if all of the blood hasn't already rushed down to the very center of him, you just have to sit squarely on his lap. He tries to readjust you but it's too late and you've felt him, hard as a rock, pushing at you. He's so embarrassed, stumbling over an apology, “Shit-I-I’m sorry, I-” in that surly voice, all rough and low. you gasp and look over your shoulder. You see how he can hardly stand to look at you with his pretty blue gem-toned eyes. Instead he shows you his profile as he turns away.
“It's ok”, Arthur has no idea how he's supposed to look at you after this, he can't see himself looking you in the eyes for a long while after you've felt his cock nudging the swell of your ass, unable to deny his own reaction to you. Hopefully he’ll be able to dismiss it as a fluke and not a devastating hope that you’d be interested in him that he's been crushing down for months now. He's trying to will away the burgeoning desire just under his skin, tamping down fires that rage on. And you look up at him again with that look of trust in your eyes, too ashamed to continue touching you, wholeheartedly convinced you don't like him.
But then you're only closer than you were, looking up at him, so close, he's breathing in your scent, sweet and like fresh summer rain. His eyes search yours for any inclination and all you have to do is put your hand on his prickly cheek for him to lean and kiss you, hands on his broad chest, rushing over the warmth you can feel. How he ends up with you on his lap, tits pressed up against his hairy chest, his big hands squeezing at your hips, he's not too sure. Your arms are over his shoulders, playing with his light brown hair sweetly, rubbing the sore muscles in his back. And the glide of his tongue over yours is heaven, he swears. You whine into his kisses, the heat between the both of you licks over your skin, noses clumsily bumping into each other.
Then he’s on top of you, tucking you over the blanket. “You gotta tell me you want this, want me,” and all you can do is say “Yes, please, Arthur, please,” features showing your ecstasy, anticipating his hands on you.
His hands are rough; petting down your sides. Any worries he had about being too old, too ugly and too brutish for you are forgotten when you kiss him, spread your legs for him to fit between them. When you push your breasts in his hands when he goes to touch them. Your nipples are hard from the cold but his hands start to warm them up when he gropes at them, squeezing languidly at your breasts, grabbing handfuls.
It's not long before he’s pinning your thighs up with his hands, spreading you and licking eagerly between your legs, so selfless. Letting you moan as loud as you like, telling you how good you taste, the roughened pads of his fingers circling at the sensitive button at the top of your slit. And he's so strong, doesn't put much effort into keeping your legs up. He has dulcet praises for you, “Such a pretty girl, darlin’, jus’ beautiful,” making you soften and ease.
He’s so warm, holding you, like you wanted him to, messy kisses that taste like you. The very tip of him catches on you, dipping softly between your folds. Your nails dig into him, thighs clench tight. He's sweet talking to you, shushing you, rubbing hard at the delicate little nub, getting you as wet as possible. Saying how good you look. How he must be dreaming. That’s my girl is what he says when you soak his fingers with your own arousal, heat rising to the apples of your cheeks. Even more when he's working his cock inside of you, panting, he seems overwhelmed, mumbling and groaning praises to you, his sweet girl, perfect in that slow easy voice of his. You feel him carefully easing you open, hissing at the feel of you wrapped tight on him and leaking down his shaft. You can't say much but his name, begging him not to stop, feeling his fingers almost bruise the tender softness of your hips.
Arthur pushes so deep, a growl of pleasure leaking from his lips. You didn't think he would feel so big. Telling him how big he is and feels; “You're so big, Arthur,” in a wispy moan, makes him groan. He just wants to hear how much you like him. The rhythm he was trying to keep slow and careful speeds up. And he doesn't last very long, poor thing. It's been a while for him and he's flushed bright red, embarrassed and feeling a tad emasculated. The disappointed son of a bitch he lets out has you petting his hair back tenderly.
But all you have to do is give him a minute, kiss and nip gently, lock your legs around him so he can't pull away, until he's pushing his own seed deeper, mindlessly pinning you under his weight. He loves feeling so close to you, so small underneath him.
The way you feel clenching down on him, moaning for him, begging him to keep going has him rutting into you, following his instincts, brain feeling like it's melting. He's harder than he has ever been, listening to the sound of your wetness slide on him, the mess he’s left between your thighs sounding dirty and sticky. You don't have to tell him to keep rubbing you, grinding your hips into his so he can press into the perfect spot.
His thumb is rubbing at the very center of you, that tender bud, so sensitive, has you pushed to the edge and falling over, legs locking up behind him, bucking and moaning much too loud. You sink your fingers into the layer of fat over his broad muscles, arching your back, feeling so complete. Seeing you so relaxed, feeling so good because of him makes him push as deep as he can, making your toes curl, forcing more of his cum even deeper, a sloppy wet mess that drips out of you when he pulls out. But he revels in those few moments where he's catching his breath, still so deep inside of you, feeling you pulse on him.
Arthur can’t not hold you afterwards, unsure what to say. He thinks it might be too soon for I love you, maybe you’ll be scared away by his raw sentiments and his lovesick words. But you stare into his eyes; his heart jumps when he blurts it out in the silence, too late to shut his damn mouth. But you only smile and say you love him too. You're the farthest thing from cold, tucked into his chest, not even noticing that the rain has stopped.
Thank you for reading! SO sorry this ended up being so long. Excited to write more for high honor arthur, this was more fun than i thought... I love him 😔😳
#red writes#arthur morgan x reader#arthur morgan x you#arthur morgan#rdr2 x reader#high honor arthur morgan#arthur morgan x female reader#arthur morgan smut#rdr2 community#high honor arthur morgan x reader#arthur morgan x fem reader#red dead redemption 2 x reader
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☆ Hey peoples 😁 thought I should share an Aran Ryan headcanon based on how I structure my drawing lol (its kind of nice to have stuff logged on here so I can go back to it :P)
☆ Idk if this needs a content warning or anything sorry, but theres a good chunk of talk about medication and mental health❗
☆ So for one I feel like he has ADHD, and that's kind of where my whole ramble will stem from
☆ Back in Ireland, he was actually treated for his ADHD (and only because he was considered a pain so there "must've" been something wrong with him)
☆ When moved from home (snuck out 😭 more on that at some point), he pretty much took what he can put into a carry on bag and at the time he had around a years worth of medication
☆ When he got to New York, he was pretty much as clueless as you can be, just recently turning 18 and also never leaving Ireland prior to that so it was a huge mess
☆I feel like with that scramble came the entire medical care being a huge confusion for him as well, not knowing how he would be able to renew his medication or if he even could
☆ With time he ran out of his initial prescription, and that sharp withdrawl took a heavy toll on him to say the least
☆ He was incredibly irritable and had sporadic bursts, not good as the clean, firm and fierce SPO Aran he was portraying himself as 😭
☆ It made him have some cutoffs with some of the other boxers who he was honestly pretty close with, like Narcis Prince and Piston Hurricane, thinking his behavior is offputting and not like him
☆ (This was also around the general time I think he would face up against Masked Muscle and have a literal crashout after getting spit in the eye- insane revelation to him, because if this goober can just straight up cheat why cant he?)
☆ I still don't think he has bothered asking or researching how to get back on his prescription, partially from feeling like he can manage without it (lie) and just feeling really embarrassed about it
☆ He let it slip while drinking with Soda at some point, and while Soda is one to always have confidentiality over anything said to him, especially during drinking nights, this felt different and it felt negligent to not point it out to someone who can help so we'll see where it goes from there 😭🙏
☆ That is my ramble take it or leave it!!!! Heres a doodle for surviving the ramble (He looks different EVERYTIME I draw him this is so cruel)
#punchout#punch out#aran ryan#if some of this sounds blatantly wrong in any way please let me know this post is coming from a neurotypical (at least i think) person#while i can identify with some of the presented issues in the topic i dont have any diagnoses so i dont wanna cause harm in any way!!!
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Hi here’s a loooooooooonggg rant from the one that can’t go on without inserting Wilford into every egos life in any way possible…
For context: I see engineer mark as a separate person from actor mark, but he’s also like actors self insert, or how he interprets himself if he were an awesome engineer in the year 2080- something. This doesn’t mean that they’re the same person, at least not anymore, they just have a lot of the Same personality traits and the same name.
I also see a large portion of iswm in general as a really messed up retelling of wkm that’s been retold and reset so many times it’s become a completely new and different thing. This isn’t saying that every iswm character is supposed to symbolize every wkm character, but at one point, SOME were vaguely based off of marks interpretation of his wkm friends. It’s kinda like an answer to the ship of Theseus.
Anyways, One of the things we see as the captain is mark being stuck with the warp core where we watch him tweak out and slowly build the warp core up again which makes that chain reaction that sets off kinda everything that happens in iswm. I’m saying this cuz I like thinking it’s a parallel to actor mark creating his vengeance plan against William and stuff. I see it that way because both engineer marks and actor mark were stuck in isolation for forever, and they couldn’t die, so they were miserable. AND AND AND, both marks FIRMLY BELEIVED their closest friend (engie’s being the captain and mark’s being William) were ACTUALLY EVILLL AND THEY WANTED TO STOP THEM . The creation of the warp core and the poker night both came from this crazed and desperate guy who convinced himself that what he was doing, despite it being bound to hurt people, was the right thing to do.
The only difference between engie and actor tho is that engineer mark felt actually so terrible after he realized that he was in the wrong, while actor mark genuinely CANT see that he even COULD be wrong.
MEANWHILEEE Wilford’s in iswm, it doesn’t matter why, he’s just kinda doing whatever. I like thinking that at one point Wilford would’ve seen engineer mark at his lowest. Wilford, being actually so sad and stupid as a character, would see actor mark in engineer mark. Like he sees a lot of iswm characters like if they were just wkm characters in silly costumes. This is a coping mechanism cuz deep down Wilford KNOWS he’s not talking to his old friends at all.
Just like in WMLW, I think Wilford would want to try to make amends with actor mark , but actor really REALLY hates Wilford, so this could never happen. Until Wilford meets engineer mark yayyyyyyy 😛😛
So then Wilford tries saying sorry for everything and I miss you and whatever to who he thinks is his ex best friend and little brother (I hc them as step brothers) but it’s just engineer mark being like “..ok…🤨”
BUT THEN ALSO LAST THING LAST THING, since Wilford caught engie at such a low point in his life he would feed into Wilford’s delusions because engineer mark (just like actor for a time) is completely alone and has nobody. And since engineer mark is like actor marks space self insert, and mark put a lot of his personality into engineer mark, engie feels a familiar resentment to Wilford but also a familiar longing to hear him out and he doesn’t know why and probably never will and when engineer mark realizes and accepts that he’s in the wrong which breaks the cycle of actor marks self destruction infliction of pain into everybody else, JUST WHEN EVERYTHING IS OVER AND ENGINEER MARK FINALLY GETS A BETTER LIFE OUT OF THAT DAMN SHIP, he might not even remember who told him whatever he had to hear at his lowest, but he’ll remember that whoever they were, they helped him a little. maybe. just a bit..
That’s all I have that’s the end of the rant if anybody has something ANYTHING AT ALL to add pleaseeeeeee do I’m desperate to talk about obscure Markiplier lore and headcanons to anybody
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like what was going on here genuinely
#do i even put this in the main tag#fuck it#solar opposites#welcome to my twister mind……#i cant be the only one here who thinks something’s going on over there#just realized i kinda drew glen wrong my b
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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baru cormorant seems to me to be a series that suffers miserably for me having read machineries of empire first. unfortunately everything BC is doing strikes me as something MoE did better and more believably and with much a greater and more grounded eye for how systems, complex system interaction, and oppression like. work
#red rambles#also i don't like the writing very much so I'm not having as much fun with it as i did with MoE#but YHL straight up writes with the exact approach and methodology *i* write - the narrative frame is extremely close. the lines are punchy#the description is sparse the info we are delivered is typically in short wacky one-off chunks that tell us not only something about the#world but something about the narrator who is also the main character whose head we're in#the timing. so on and so forth#someone told me that seth dickinson is transfem but i cant find her (?) pronouns anywhere so if anyone knows where to see them i'd#appreciate a link if only to complain that i don't like her (?) writing that much in comparison because it is a lot less.... rewardingly#entertaining i suppose. when compared to the way yoon ha lee structures his. there are much fewer twists#and of course the major huge twist of Baru Cormorant was hidden from the reader which i just think is *bad form* when it comes to intrigue!#when yhl will lay all the moving pieces of the plot before you openly and say 'hey. isn't that a funny side tangent. anyway look to your#left; something is exploding' and then as it keeps unfolding he goes 'and here in small scale is how it is being used! isn't that#interesting to see how these pieces move? now look to your right; something is exploding' and then at the very end it all comes perfectly#together#the way i felt around the middle/end of Raven Strategem when i understood the spy network the first time is something that BC cannot do#you aren't trusted with the pieces and you don't get to play the game of understanding that you weren't *told* literally everything#i'm reading monster baru cormorant today as i go about my errands and I kinda don't think it's what i want because i want it to be the kind#of working awful poisoned bloodstained empire as the hexarchate and i want it to be a complex contradictory overlapping system like the#hexarchate's army and i want the banal cruelty of perfectly decent people condemning strangers to awful awful bloody deaths because they're#'not like us' instead of the petrified horror *everyone* has of the Social Contagion Agents because i just do not BUY the construction of#dickinson's Social Hygiene Offices and their place in the world#but i cant just read the MoE books any more. i'll get bored. i'm already kind of bored of reading them over and over
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Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.
Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.
Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)
The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.
As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!
#ABSOLUTELY INSANE TO ME#sorry just. only thing that could make this crazier is if these were circulating. i would fucking die actually lmao#i mean you could buy something with one of these legally but like youre an idiot if you do that so likeeee#someone showing up with the solid gold superman collector coin and its only legally worth a dollar lmao#not that someone would do this but future generations/archeologists finding a coin in some ruins and it just has like. batman on it#amazing to me#also just the transition from us currency having all fake people (lady liberty some random native american guy etc.) and then going to real#people and presidents then expanding that to honor people that they believe should be honored (think the harriet tubman coin set right now)#and representing beauty and innovation and culture through representation of the states#only through that lens to swing back around and have fake people on the coins again in the form of the freaking dc trinity. insane to me#no one ever gets me when im nerding out over coins its okay. at least its not postage stamps (i actually do have some special postage stamps#its like 1 sheet though it was for the 2017 eclipse and the image changes from totality to the moon with the heat of your finger theyre so#cool okay) anyways i like dont really know that much abt coins lol i originally saw a post abt this on reddit 💀 lol and had to check this#was real which is insane. anyways my dad got my all my coin stuff ive got a proof set from the year i was born albums to hold the 50 states#and national parks (america the beautiful but its 90% natl park designs lets be honest here) quarter collections as i find them irl#(dont have an album for us women yet sadly but do have some of the coins) as well as a few dimes and other circulation albums i havent used#much. and then i have a few collectibles like the hubble telescope $1 coin the 50th anniversary apollo 11 one and the 2021 anniversary peace#dollar. though like not the gold ones or anything like that lol but yeah. i talk abt coins every once and a while with friends and i know#things but then my dad is in the car and its like nevermind lol.#also put a ? after damian's name bc theres a chance it could be dick and they just used the wrong picture. because some of the character#bios had names but his didnt and seemed very dick grayson (acrobatics mention “batman's partner” etc) but not so specfic exclude either one#and the pick was damian. but then the ollie pick was goateeless for some reason so who knows#culturally dick is more important but dami is current so idk#dc comics#blah#ive really been learning so much today. first all in announcement and subsequent leaks and now this. what a ride#also love how im anticipating and know future comics things lol. when did that happen haha. ive really transitioned from only reading back#issues and never knowing current events to following a lot of releases lol and somehow finding out about the freaking coin collection...#crazy how that happens#cant scroll up at that first image without losing it a bit still actually. what a world we live in. anyways take your bets who is gonna be
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:(
Very bad grade in therapy today
#thought i could make progress this year and yet here i am having done jack shit by now#what has even been the point#i just wanted to do something today that didnt feel awful like try to encourage people to watch a show or play a game#and now im just right back to Why do i bother staying alive? im never going to make any progress#and even if i do I'm going to just be worthless the whole time and waste precious resources others could be using#oh yes just try saying a nice thing to yourself for once! yeah sure that will help when i cant do anything worth a damn#i want to help people but i have no skillsets and no money to further my education and teaching myself gets me right where i already am!#continuing like this is like spitting in the face of anyone who is actually out there pursuing their dreams and thats not fair to them#they put in all that hard work and im over here being a whiny ass bitch bc i want so badly to do better and learn more#but the only thing holding me back is that im a dumbass who cant do anything right and no one will ever think differently#why am i trying to make myself something i can never be? what is goddamn point if its just a waste of everyones time and effort#i just... it feels like the least i can do is just stop taking up space#free up some oxygen for someone who really needs it and shelter for someone who truly deserves it#i shouldnt even have these things and yet i complain about how much gas i have to pay to commute to my jobs#like such an asshole#and i said i so much in these tags bc im such a selfish jerk who coearly doesnt care enough nor has a worthwhile vocabulary to say otherwise#theres just no fucking point to any of this#...#its cold today#might be a good day to do my favorite plan#actually yeah fuck it im gonna go#hope you all stay kind to yourselves and enjoy your 2024#you absolutely deserve it and everything you can get out of it#keep being amazing yall#see you on the flip side or whatever#orbs thought bubbles
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man. sometimes i think about the end of soc and about the possibility of jesper leaving. but because he wanted to see this through, because he wanted to right things, because he wanted to see inej again and know she was safe, because he wanted to show his father that perhaps he wasn’t entirely a failure who only did reckless things, because he wanted something more for his friends. he went on
#i think. once inej was saved there really was this sentiment of#do i want to be here. Is this what i want because on god#the end of soc jesper got shown that he was shoved to the bottom of the list in terms of trust and that hurt#sometimes i think about the fact that kaz not only kept the wylan-kuwei thing quiet from jesper but also LET EVERYONE ELSE IN#ON IT#besides jesper. And let jesper go through the emotions of thinking that wylan and nina were dead on that ship. just to punish jesper.#for several cruel moments. He wanted jesper to hurt#like. Imagine ur jesper. and you learn that the guy youve led your life beside#decides to keep you in the dark over a mistake (that you see is a mistake and know is one) but then yknow who he decides to tell#the guy you broke out of prison 2 weeks ago who nearly choked out one of your friends and perhaps a month earlier would have no issue#with hunting you and putting you on trial to burn for something you cant control#its more complex than that but in the heat of the moment. Thats what jesper would be thinking about#if i were jesper!!!!! holy shit i’d be so fucking upset!!!! I’D LEAVE#oughthth lads the soc brainrot is so back
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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i love being single <33
#eden speaks#i have impossible standards and high expectations and i over romanticize the concept of love#and ive come to realize since i ended my last realtionship that i really like being single#i love it actually and i dont know if thats shitty to say?? im just glad that its just me yknow#i can be a great friend but the emotional support and availability needed to have a partner is too much for me#im sure ill meet the right person one day at least one can hope but for now im really content with where im at#i dont want go on dates or get a dating app or something#and theres nothing wrong with it if thats something someone does want to do#but its not for me and i also dont think i can handle the heartbreak of falling for someone only for things not to work out#i cant do that im not strong enough#if my love isnt like the ones in a studio ghibli film then i do not want it#sorry for posting so much today yall are probably sick of my ass lmao i appreciate my mutuals who deal with my bullshit#no one i know personally follows me on here so i use this blog as like a personal diary#i might make a side blog for daily writings and keep this one reblogs and occasional posts#anyways ive derailed lmao
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"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(
#repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns#im not unsafe btw just. :^) scared :^)#tired.#starting to stop walking on eggshells kind of. in a cowardly way. like responding some of my real thoughts but at 4am#i want to scream. im not like that but i want to yell and tell her to leave me alone forever and i just want to be able to rest !#and to not be afraid. i want to move. i want to drop off the face of the earth. i want to go to bed. i want to stay awake and on guard.#idk. im tired. im so tired and i want it to stop. it's not even a big deal.#the thinly veiled insults bother me more than anything else. insult sandwich on compliment bread.#im so pretty im so stupid im so funny. im smart im too insecure im beautiful. im the most interesting person she knows im evil im talented#it's not even the worst thing it just pisses me off so much. do you think this is helpful to say? do you think this is normal?#do you think you'll get what you want insulting and belittling me as long as you tell me you think im attractive?#it's always how pretty i am. like some superficial bullshit is going to make up for an insult or make the insult disappear#and everyone else gets to leave but if i leave she'll die and it'll be all my fault and this is just like x y or z#and didnt i know she almost experienced trauma as a child but didnt? and how that effects her?#fuck. i hope she sees this tbh. how fucking insulting to see something someone's experienced and say that couldve maybe happened to me#but the person who couldve done it lives in another country and never came here.#what the fuck. what the fuck.#so it didnt happen to you? you cant lay claim to it at all? yet you think you understand me or that even if it did happen it's all the same#im going to lose my mind. im so. fucking. over it. but im a coward and i dont want her to die so ill grin and bear it.#and she'll tear out all my skin and ask if it's a little too much and ill say it's fine and she'll say im so gorgeous but i'm disgusting#but at least im kind. and ill say okay. because if i say anything else it's a threat on her fucking life.#tbh im only posting this now bc i know no one will likely read it. perpetual coward when it comes to this shit#because if i tell someone the full extent they'll ask why i didn't leave sooner. but i did!#i left and i got bombarded and overwhelmed and i was so tired of being scared of running into her everywhere#and i just. eased back in. and said it would be less this time. and it is so much more. it is so much worse.#ive lived in that fear before and i was so tired of it. it was a big reason i moved so far for college. and i cant just run away#so this seemed better. but it's so much worse. id rather hide every day of my life. keep an eye out everywhere and run away.#it wasnt so bad really. it was tedious and nauseating and i only ever explained it to one person. but it wasnt impossible.#this is much closer to impossible. this is soul crushing every day. and the things she does arent even as bad i dont think#it just doesnt stop. at least in high school i eventually got it to stop. i just had to be avoidant. this. wont stop.
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ill be like I can totally make a lighthearted post mentioning a kink i have and i wont even freak abt it. and then i freak abt it
#its not even one of the ones i normally freak abt. fml. fml. its spreading. eventually i wont even be able to say Strals exist without going#into system shutdown or something. this sucks#this is also why i have so much trouble posting on my nsft is ill go over there and be like. Id love to **** some ***** and then i get#terrified. so i dont#my pfp over there is literally. **** ******* ** * *** but i go over there to post abt how i want to **** * *** and im like that is deviant#i cannot be saying that in front of my followers. who dollowed my nsft blog. where i list the things im into . and my pfo is * **** *******#** * *** so its not like theyd be HORRIFIED if that came up#but idk... i worry ppl dont read my dni over there. bc usually they just follow me after seeing that one post which doesnt rly mention any#of the ones im weird abt. except for like kind of it does but whatever its fine i cannottt freak out abt that post its existed for like.#months now. sigh. its all just a bit embarassing which sucks#“mdni”#IN A MASSIVE WAY. idr if any minors still r here if im still muts with any....#its just like. IDK i either feel a bit silly posting on it and its just mildly embarass Or i send myself into hysterics over how im an evil#person bc i like. well i cant say. obviously. but yk. stufffff. that i am into. I HATE TALKING ABT IT BC IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN EVIL#PERSON AND LIKE. its not anything like. UGH. im not into kids or animals 👍👍👍 obviously. and idt its that bad the things im into some of#them r like basically baby shit like ohhh woww youre into *********** and yet even that i cant talk abt it bc im like um im going to be#smited by god and sent to hell or soemthing and actually i only thing its normal bc im a disgusting weird freak and everybody would kill me#immediately if they knew also im an evil person? its like. UGHHHH.#and the other stuff is. less 'mainstream' which is even scarier but ig in a way ive been More open abt it which is kind of funny. looks at.#but even then i dont rly go in detail bc yk. Stuff. im just like lol they r the way they r bc of how i am. and then i walk away forever#idk. ive been feeling so guilty over that specifically like. UGH. its not like. ugh. i rly cant talk abt it without it being obvious and im#scared byt im also like Compelled to talk abt it so ppl dont think its worse but im also compelled not to bc thats like oversharing i guess#as if thta isnt All i do on this fuckass blog. no matter what i do i lose. i hate my brain so badly i wish i could judt get over it and jus#be like yep these r the things and not have to like over clarify and explain and disclaimer everything and stuff . idk. it suck#mdni#the quotes didnt take it to the top like they used to. kms
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