#i cant and i wont be taking any shape or form of consolation let me be

[bloodcossmos]

I played signalis!!! so fun so cute!!

[chiroyu]

These Words

Chapter 1: Fights and regrets

Crowley isn't sure what had started the argument. Perhaps it had to deal with how he ties his shoes. Which he doesnt, but that is not the point. All he knows is one moment Aziraphale and him are drinking, discussing something or the other. And then the next moment their glasses are discarded and they're standing up yelling at each other.

"You're so frustrating, Crowley! Why cant you just grow up and stop acting like a child?!" Aziraphale yelled, gripping his hands into fists tightly.

Crowley growled. "Me, frustrating?! How about you take a look at yourself, Aziraphale! You're constantly on about your stupid books, your stupid want for food, you're annoying!" He growls loudly, yelling in anger as he stomps closer to aziraphale and pokes him in the chest with his finger.

Aziraphale looks hurt, backing up slowly away from Crowley. But crowley doesnt notice, or if he does he doesnt care, he continues to step forward until their chests were almost touching.

"You're as indecisive as they come, constantly whining about, 'should I read this or that, should I order that or this!' I wish for once in your bloody life you'd shut up and just choose!"

He stops only for a moment to catch his breath before continuing. "And dont fucking get me started on when we're in the bedroom! Constantly complaining about the position, about how I'm too rough, or too gentle, which one do you want?! And then you whine about your body, im sick of hearing about how you feel uncomfortable with this and that about yourself, because frankly I do not care!! I just want a goodsnag, not your incessant chatter!" He yells in anger, spittle flying everywhere.

By this point Aziraphale's eyes are dripping with tears, and only now does it seem that crowley notices what he said and how it affected aziraphale.

Crowley steps back, looking extremely guilty. "A-angel, I didnt mean- I was so angry, I'm s-so-" hes cut off by an upset Aziraphale.

Aziraphale shakes his head, his body shaking as he let's out a sob. "Be quiet! Just leave!"

Crowley tries to step forward to console Aziraphale, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. But aziraphale knocks it away, glaring up at Crowley with wet, tear filled eyes.

"Do not touch me, y-you- you fiend! Just leave!" Aziraphale yells loudly, stepping back away from crowley as he continues to cry.

Crowley steps back in surprise. "Angel, P-please listen, I-i didnt mean- " again he is cut off by Aziraphale.

"No, I dont want to hear your- your excuses! I want you to leave! Now go!" Aziraphale says, his voice stern and cold.

Crowley realizes that Aziraphale wont listen to him, no matter what he does or says. Not right now at least. He would have to come back when.they both were cool minded to apologize. So he nods slowly, looking down at the floor with a saddened and guilty expression. "A-alright angel, I'll leave... i-im sorry." He tries again as he begins to walk towards the door.

Aziraphale sobs, looking at Crowey as he walks by with an angry, upset expression. "I dont want your a-apologizes! I-i hope you crash and die in your stupid car!" He yells in an outburst of anger, not realizing the weight of his words in that moment.

Crowley looks hurt, but feels like he deserves those words as he leaves the book shop and walks quickly to his car. He gets in slowly, stopping for a moment to look at the book shop front before starting the car and driving off quickly and recklessly.

Aziraphale stands in the book shop alone, sobbing quietly as he tries to wipe his tears on his sleeve. Why was crowley so mean?! Was he thinking such things all the time?! Why he really that annoying?! He sobbed loudly, walking himself over tot he couch and sitting down heavily.

Meanwhile, crowley was driving through London at the highest speed possible. He drove around cars, often going into the opposite lane of traffic to do so. The night was dark and foggy, somehow fitting the mood he was feeling right then. Why did he have to say those things to angel?! They weren't even true! He would never think such things about angel, he couldnt possibly! But dammit he had gotten so angry and he just wanted to let it out, even if what he said was lies he had wanted to see the hurt flash across Aziraphale's face. And he did and it dodnt feel him with satisfaction, it filled him with guilt. Fuck, he was so guilty...

He looked down at his hands on the steering wheel, which he gripped tightly, he felt tears well up in his eyes which closed his vision. He sniffled, not reaching up to wipe them away. "Fuck..." he mumbles. Looking back up from his hands and to the road. his eyes flying open wide at what he saw.

Aziraphale had had a few minutes to calm himself, sniffling quietly as he wiped his eyes from the left over tears. He sighs gently, thinking back over the fight. It wasnt just Crowley who was in the wrong, he was as well. He had been the one to start the fight, even though he had not meant to he did. He was the one who put the final nail int je coffin as they say, causing Crowley to lash out... it was his fault and he needed to apologize.

So he got up and went over to his phone, clearing his throat before picking it up and dialing in Crowley's number. He waited, the phone ringing a few times before going to voicemail. He tried again.

Quite a bit away from the book shop and a few minutes prior to Aziraphaletrying his phone, Crowley had served to avoid an oncoming car that otherwise would have driven into him at full speed. Instead, he swerved right into a large tree.

He heard more than felt crunching and breaking noises, coming from both himself and his car. He felt blood drip down his face, tasting it in his mouth. He felt sluggish, draped over the dashboard and wheel. He couldnt get his body to move, only able to lay there and watch as smoke escaped from beneath the hood of the car. He watched it form intricate shapes and patterns, moving pictures that replayed his memories.

He heard a ringing noise, looking to the left where he saw the small screen of his phone light up. The screen vibrates slightly from the ringing noise, but he was able to read Aziraphale's name. "A-angel..." he tries to say, but it comes out raspy and breathy.

Crowley tries to move his hand to get his phone, but the call ends before he can reach it. He sees his hand move and grip the phone a few moments later, but he doesnt feel it. The ringing starts again and his shaky hand slowly hits the answer button. He is breathing hard, he realizes, as he tries to talk. "A-a-an-gel-"

Azirapahle sighs in relief, twisting the phone cord around his finger as he does so. "Ah, crowley, I'm glad you answered. I'm very sorry for how I reacted, I should have listened to you. Now taht I've calmed down, I wanted to-" he stops as he realizes how quiet Ceowley is. "Crowley?" He asks, slightly worried the demon may be angry with him.

Crowley tries to answer to Aziraphale's words, but all he can do is continue to breathe heavily. His hand which is holding the phone is shaking. "A-a-a-" he can barley even make that one simple sound. His mind feels heavy like its filled with goo or sludge, feeling like something is moving and swimming inside his head.

"Crowley?" He asks again, listening closely and barley being able to make out heavy breathing and a few noises. "Crowley, is everything okay?" His voice slightly higher pitched as he asks, more worried.

Crowley can barley move his mouth to make any noises. his eyes lids feel extremely heavy, trying to close every few seconds. He forces himself to try and speak. "I-I'm s-s-so-rry.." he gets out in broken syllables before he sees the phone drop from his hand. Distantly he can hear Aziraphale's worried voice calling out for him, but he cant make out what exactly he is saying. He feels his eye lids slowly close, the last thing he sees is a shadow just outside the car reaching for him.

"Crowley!" Aziraphale calls out, gripping the phone in his hands tightly. "W-whats wrong, why are you apologizing?! A-are you hurt, what happened?!" He doesnt get a response.and feels panic well up inside. "Crowley!!" He yells loudly, desperate hoping for a response. He doesnt get one and sobs loudly. It feels like his heart is being gripped tightly, on the verge of exploding. "Crowley, please, love, answer me!" He sobs loudly. Still, there is not a single word for a response.

Aziraphale so a again, listening closely, so closely, for a single noise. Then he hears it. Slight shuffling that gets nearer until he hears what sounds like something covering the phones mic then uncovering it. "Crowley?!" He calls out loudly.

Theres more shuffling before a voice responds, but it isn't Crowley. Aziraphale recognizes that voice.

"sorry, Crowley cant come to the phone right now." The voice says. and why does it sound so familiar to Aziraphale.

"And why not?!" He calls out, extremely worried.

"Why? Because he is dead, of course" the voices responds deadpan.

And then Aziraphale recognizes teh voice. Its death. "No... no, he cant be! H-he cant be!" He sobs out, not wanting to believe it.

Death is quiet for a moment before he hums, more shuffling from his side of the phone. "But he is."

Aziraphale chokes on a sob. "N-no... h-how?!" He demands loudly.

"A car crash." He says simply.

And the fight replays in Aziraphale's mind, remembering when he told Crowley he hoped he would crash and die in his stupid car. He sobs again, falling to his knees and shakily reaching up to cover his mouth with his hand. "No..." he replies quietly.

Death chuckles. "Yes." And then the line goes dead, leaving Aziraphale with the harsh dial tone ringing in his ear as he sobs out in pain and grief.