#i cannot undersell how universally magical this is for people

[aurosoul]

I made some virtual fruit and confetti with cute sound effects in figmin xr and showed it to my quiet 75 year old veteran father…. and even HE immediately lit up with childlike joy and was able to use it with no prior knowledge

he started throwing things around, making them spin, and even figured out how to re-size things and made a bunch of grapes the size of a car 🍇

in all my 29 years of knowing him, I’ve never seen my father just like…. play like that. when he took the headset off he said, “y’know, I could see this getting pretty big… if you get rich you’re gonna take care of me in my old age, right?” 😂

[wojtekbc]

Watch, as local idiot rants about garbage

Oh boy, if I could type the most deflated, defeated sigh, it would go here. Spoiler warning here. Hey losers! It’s GRRM Boot-licking Book Purist here. My local friends have heard me bitch and moan about Game of Thrones since Season 5, and they are S I C K   O F   I T  so now you, my brilliant Tumblr friends, get to hear me scream about incompetent show-writers taking a Vietnam opposing hippie’s anti-war story which basically screams the message “Hey being ruled by sexism and tradition and racism  makes the world shittier for everyone aside from the dude sitting at the top and he’s made it  impossible for even the powerful players in his system to peacefully change anything,” amping up the American fetishisation of eugenics, male primogeniture and the idea of a Righteous War Against The Others and making quintillions of dollars off of the brainlet audience who just overlook how gross it all is! (Before I begin with the two or twenty issues I have with this episode I will say that if ASOIAF interests you at all, seriously do yourself a favour, read the books with an understanding of who GRRM is, and exclusively watch Preston Jacobs’ analysis.) One: Why the fuck is Euron just a disgusting sex fiend in the show? Do the show-writers know how to write a compelling villain or will they just defend this as if it’s a ‘creative decision’ to make one of, possibly the most compelling, “bad guy” completely one-note and gross? Okay, bare with me, because the last re-read I did of ASOIAF was like, end of 2016, so I may not be able to describe this all too well, but book Euron is like, part mad Blackbeard, part world-weary mystic, and part eerily compelling politician. Half of the reason he’s so fucking creepy in the book is that when he attends the Kingsmoot, not only is he just kind of a weird bloke, but he uses what seems to be magic (with the horn that has ash idk I can’t remember everything rn I’m kind of drunkenly rambling) in a very low magic setting, and speaks directly to what the traditionalist Ironborn want, which is blood and plunder, and it completely de-rails their growing acceptance of a less toxic lifestyle. The show just decided to make him some gross Jack Sparrow impersonator whose only characteristics include being a completely stereotypical pirate, and wanting to have sex with Cercei, pestering her and pushing the subject even after a firm “No.”  A common thread with everything in the show is that the show-writers take the “Kick the dog” route basically every time even a modicum of understanding would be necessary to see why you feel like some character might be bad. Anyone with a brain could read the Victarion and Asha chapters and just feel that Euron was bad. The characters have their own reasons to dislike him, and they’re good enough, but when you as the reader simply look at what he does, and think for a moment, you KNOW why you think he’s bad, and honestly that kind of shit makes you feel good, it makes you feel like you get what is being told to you. The show-writers just believe that about 80% of their audience is comprised of troglodytic idiots who wouldn’t understand any subtlety at all, so everyone you’re “supposed to dislike” is now a creepy psychotic abusive rapist. Who knows? Maybe they’re on to something. Maybe the main audience is as stupid as they think. Two: This is something I don’t even try to discuss with people any more, because the camps are apparently “People who disagree with this,” and “People who do not care,” but what the fuck is up with American media and eugenics and male primogeniture, specifically how often they are intertwined? I could go on about the show’s interpretation of what Jon Snow “means,” forever, and I will someday, but I will stick to what this specific episode did that fucked me off. META INTERJECTION HERE: I cannot even phrase the question. What kind of back-flipping through loopholes, logical gymnastics type shit does one have to pull to create the drama that Jon Snow is somehow a more legitimate heir? No, this isn’t me refuting R+L=J, because not only is it canon, but it’s something I’ve been screaming as truth for longer than Game of Thrones has been a relevant cultural topic. WHAT I MEAN, is, how, in the fuck, can you try and pass your real-life bias against woman off as in-universe, canon logic, when it is fundamentally against every rule and precedent you’ve set? So the show seems to think that because Jon is Rhaegar’s son, he’s immediately the true king and the rightful heir and the most purebred child and he’s the genetically superior race and all that American bullshit. Only, first off, that implies Targs still have a rightful claim (which they do but that’s personal preference,) but MORE DAMNING is that characters imply, in canon, that he somehow passes his aunt’s PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE claim,  simply because he’s a man. Now this is wrong on about 50 levels but I’ll skip that and tackle the issue two ways. I) This drama is the kind of forced, fumbled shit that has plagued the show since season 5. No one is acting logically and it leads to stupid shit like this. Only this time, the drama is not even caused by characters acting illogically in their own world, the show-runners are writing their own real-world bias in to these characters in spite of everything, because... II) Even in canon, (though I don’t know if the show has acknowledged it because who gives a fuck about what the show thinks) Targaryen queens have a precedent in Rhaenyra. If any dumbass is still reading this and argues with me on that by saying there was a war and she lost, sure, but like, look to the show’s OWN CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS, where 4 kingdoms are lead by women who have male relatives. The only reason this drama exists is because the show-writers are fucking idiots and they just decided the easiest thing for them to write was dudes being sexist and jerking off to how pure-blooded their candidate is. Oh boy, I just wrote for like 40 minutes. Sorry folks, but the whole “show v book” thing is not even a meme for me in regards to ASOIAF. I saw a video a few days ago where some guy was talking about he won’t make videos on his favourite anime because he doesn’t want to undersell how much they mean to him; he doesn’t want to make a video trying to summarise his experience with a show, because if someone says “Oh, I get what he thinks now,” they still won’t understand how much it means to him. Though it’s pretentious, I feel that way about a few things, and ASOIAF is one of them. I won’t go on about it, but those books mean so much to me, and the way the show not only butchered them as an adaptation, but also in their cultural understanding among the people I associate with, genuinely makes me sad. It kind of breaks my heart that ASOIAF will go down in cultural history as “The books for Game of Thrones,” and not as what they are; some old hippie’s anti-war, anti-tradition, pro-feminist fantasy epic with so many moving parts that something may never be attempted on such a scale again. It ruins my day when I see what Benioff and Weiss have done to the series, and how they managed to turn a writer’s heartfelt letter to fantasy, his magnum opus, in to generic, edgy-for-the-sake-of-shock, often disgusting, popcorn shlock for a mass audience. It fucking kills me to be a fan of ASOIAF. It kills me to have something so dear to me associated with this filth.

[your-dungeon-is-problematic]

Thri-Kreen (AD&D)

Holy shit, it’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? Then again, I’ve had a very busy summer. And May, of course, was total bedlam what with the graduating from university and such. And of course this fall, where my faith in the American people was...uh, let’s call it “shaken”, even though that rather undersells it, in my opinion. Hmm. Well, without any more hemming and/or hawing, thri-kreen. Mantis men. Zorak, even. Really, what’s not to love about the thri-kreen? They’re MANTIS MEN. That is awesome! I mean, sure, none of their forearms have chitinous blades for hands like actual mantises, but four hands means four weapons, plus, they’re psionic.  I’d say that makes up for not being Scyther.

General:

“Thri-kreen are a race of large, intelligent insect often referred to as ‘mantis warriors.’ They roam the deserts and savannah, where they have marked-out hunting territories. They have no need of sleep and can remain active through the day and night.” ...Well, on the one hand, they aren’t hampered by lack of sleep, and on the other, it must mean their caloric intake is ludicrous considering they are constantly active. ...Then again, that’s probably why they’re constantly roaming their various hunting grounds...? “Mature adult thri-kreen are roughly 7 feet tall at the shoulder and 11 feet long.” Well, that’s nothing if not imposing! “Of the six limbs protruding from their midsection, two are used for walking; the other four end in four-fingered hands.” I mean it’s interesting, but I can’t help but think looking at the example thri-kreen presented up top as looking a little unbalanced with how thin and skittery his legs are. Like, four arms is a wonderful gimmick that adds to what they can do? It’s just that from a practical perspective I can’t help but think the thri-kreen would have been best served on an evolutionary level with four legs and two arms. But who am I to judge? “The tough, sandy-yellow exoskeleton is extremely hard. A thri-kreen has two compound eyes, usually black with highlighted eyespots, two antennae, and a complicated jaw structure that manipulates food as the thri-kreen chews. The antennae help the individual to maneuver through brush and grasslands in the darkness (they also reduce any melee combat penalty from darkness or blindness by 1; missile combat is not affected). Thri-kreen often wear harnesses and even some forms of clothing, but they never wear armor.” This is all fairly accurate to regular mantis anatomy (though as I recall, most mantises have some kind of extra simpler eyes in the middle of their head? But I suppose that’s not majorly important), but the thing I question is their refusal to wear armor? Like, is this supposed to be a purely mechanical thing? They’ll later on state that their exoskeleton gives them a natural Armor Class of 5; would wearing actual armor over that be that much of an overkill? Is this supposed to reference how in their native Dark Sun setting, metal armor is among the rarest of artifacts? Because even as a species with a hard, chitinous exoskeleton, I think I would want as much protection as I can afford if I’m a soldier or mercenary of some stripe. Like, the exoskeleton is great and all, but if something gets through that exoskeleton, it’s like you’ve lost armor plating, and have broken a bone, and have exposed your squishy innards in one fell swoop.  “The native thri-kreen language is made up of clicks and the grinding of its jaw appendages. While it is difficult for other creatures to speak this tongue, it is just as difficult for a thri-kreen to imitate more standard speech patterns. Thri-kreen speak their own language, but some understand the Common tongue.” Inevitably leading to Chewbacca-and-Han-Solo-esque bilingual dialogues as the one guy in the party who understands thri-kreen talks to their one guy who understands Common.  Unless somebody has some kind of enchanted doodad to allow thri-kreen to speak Common unhindered, assuming they know it. Such are the luxuries of a fantastical setting, eh? “Three-kreen seldom live more than 35 years.” Oh. Ohhhh. Ohhhhhhhhh... It’s a real good thing they don’t need sleep, then. Really have to maximize their time, while they still have it.

Combat: “A thri-kreen’s chitinous exoskeleton gives it AC 5 naturally. Unarmed, it can attack with four claws and one bite attack per round.” No offense, but lacking the natural blades of regular mantids, those arms look rather willowy, and trying to use them for mere fisticuffs seems a waste. And while those mouthparts look sharp, I don’t generally think of mantises when I think of “vicious bites”.  “If using a weapon, the thri-kreen can attack with its weapon and bite.” See, now that’s more like it. And judging by the illustration, it would appear they very well might be able to quadruple-wield! ...Though considering the various penalties that would involve, perhaps it would be best to just wield a two-handed weapon with four hands. Hell, perhaps some bonuses for that could come into play, I don’t know. I mean, you’re using more hands than is necessary, thereby giving your blows more force, and--ah, never mind. Bit of a longwinded tangent. “Thri-kreen also learn special combat maneuvers as they grow older, learning all by the time they are mature adults.” Oh! This is different! Do tell! “Leap: This ability allows a thri-kreen to leap 20 feet straight up or up to 50 feet forward. They cannot leap backward.” Criminy! That’s...really rather impressive. I mean I suppose great leaping is more of a grasshopper, cricket, or flea-associated ability, more than with mantises, but...I don’t know, it seems like a rather clever reference to whenever one is trying to compare the jumping ability of any of those insects to a human scale? ...Though I must say I’m a tad puzzled at this being a learned combat maneuver, and not merely a natural jumping ability, merely being applied to combat scenarios... “Chatkcha: This is a crystalline throwing wedge. A thri-kreen can throw two chatkcha per round, up to 90 yards. A chatkcha causes 1d6+2 damage when it hits, and returns to the thrower when it misses.” ...Boomerangs? ...Well, okay then. I like boomerangs. Boomerangs are neat. Don’t know why the tri-kreen in particular have boomerangs, but I’m not complaining. :V “Venom: This venom is delivered through an older thri-kreen’s bite. Anyone bitten must make a successful saving throw vs. paralyzation or be paralyzed. Smaller than man-sized creatures are paralyzed for 2d10 rounds, man-sized for 2d8 rounds, large creatures for 1d8 rounds, and huge and gargantuan creatures for only one round.” I...wait, what? Venom? The mantis-men have venom? I could understand driders, being spider people, or naga or yuan-ti, being snake people, having venom, but...the mantis-men? That doesn’t follow. I mean, of course I don’t think any sapient fantastical species mostly based on one creature needs to stick to the abilities of the animal, but the additions should at least make sense. ...Also, that sounds like a great way to make a group of thri-kreen a pretty huge threat. If someone’s unlucky they’re out for 16 rounds, 20 if they’re a dwarf or halfling. “Dodge missiles: A mature thri-kreen can dodge missile fired at it on a roll of 9 or better on 1d20; they cannot dodge magical effects, only physical missiles. Magical physical missiles (arrows, thrown axes, etc.) modify this roll by their magical bonus.” Oh! Bullet time! Neat! And unlike the venom thing, this actually makes some sense, on account of how zippy a striking mantis is. Also, that’s literally bullet time if you have guns in your campaign setting. What’s more, since it’s dependent on the thri-kreen’s roll, it doesn’t even matter if the archer or gunslinger are really good (unless it’s a natural 20, I think, which will always hit? but I don’t know how you’d work that out), it’s all dependent on wether or not the DM rolls well on those dodge rolls. And on a 9 or higher, the odds are in the thri-kreen’s favor.  Color me impressed. Don’t piss off the mantis-men, especially if your party mostly consists of ranged folks.  “Psionics: Some thri-kreen have psionic wild talents. There is a 50% chance that any thri-kreen will have a psionic wild talent, described in the Complete Psionics Handbook.” Oh right, that’s a big thing in Dark Sun, isn’t it? The proliferation of psionic powers? Hell, the description’s kind of underplaying it by saying “some” thri-kreen have psionic powers if a full 50% have them. A few bad coin flips and the party is being tossed about by a group of angry insectoid Jean Greys (Jeans Grey? ...Grey Jeans?). “Magical Items: Thri-kreen can use most magical items, though those designed for humanoid creatures cannot be worn properly, so will not function for a thri-kreen.” ...I mean that makes sense, but that’s a little vague. Like surely magical weapons work the same, it’s not like they don’t have hands. Not to mention magical rings, necklaces, bracelets, hell, even like a tiara or crown or circlet or something if situated properly around those antennae. You’d definitely have to make some alterations to, say, a magical chain shirt, or something, to give it the proper arm spacing. Not to mention the four arm holes. But such a carte-blanche “it don’t work” doesn’t seem terribly reasonable. It’s not like they’re weird blob things, they have arms, legs, a head...most of the general stuff should still work alright, in my limited estimation.

Habitat/Society: “Thri-kreen organize into hunting packs; there are no permanent thri-kreen communities.” Tch, pity, really. I mean, it seems mostly a measure to ensure you can justify a thri-kreen random encounter. “Uh, they were just...out here. Hunting. Yeah. Now fight them, take their stuff.” Unless of course you use your random encounter table for things that aren’t just for random murder opportunities for your party.

Ecology: “Thri-kreen are carnivores. They seldom hunt other intelligent creatures for food, but will do so in times of need.” Well, better than the lizard men, who explicitly prefer the taste of human flesh. I prefer Donner Party behavior to eating people when there are perfectly serviceable non-sapient animals and plants to choose from available already. “Mantis warriors have a well-known taste for elves, which keeps both races at an uneasy peace at best.” ...Wait, what?! You just said they seldom hunt other intelligent creatures for food, now you’re saying they have a taste for elves?! ...I mean, granted, the word “seldom” implies a non-zero number of intelligent creature hunts in non-starvation conditions, but still, that seems like a contradiction, to me. 

Related Species: “The tohr-kreen, or mantis nobles, are larger, more cultured versions of thri-kreen. Though many of them wander their world to gain knowledge, they sometimes build cities as well. They regard thri-kreen as somewhat barbaric cousins, though there have been incidences of a tohr-kreen creating a permanent settlement of thri-kreen, or teaching a pack more civilized ways.” ...Okay, well, first of all, “more civilized ways” are in the eye of the beholder. Second of all, they earlier mentioned that thri-kreen do not create permanent settlements. Yet, the tohr-kreen do? I suppose I’m not really convinced that these tohr-kreen are actually a distinct species so much as a ruling class/caste of the same species. The “larger” thing, which would appear to be the only explicit physical difference between tohr- and thri-kreen, could easily just be the fact that noblemen of cultures the world over and throughout history have been better fed than the peasants, allowing them to grow larger instead of having their growth stunted through malnutrition. “The xixchil are spacefaring mantis. These creatures are skilled surgeons and artificers, who enjoy replacing lost limbs with ‘more efficient’ substitutes.” Ooh! Spelljammer shit, sounds like! I love me some sci-fi-fantasy crossover! I mean, they’re really undeveloped, but “skilled surgeons and artificers with a taste for cybernetic enhancement” is almost deeper characterization already than the rather vague and generic “HUNTING CULTURE” that appears to define basic thri-kreen.

Overall: I really think they could have done more with the lore. Like they didn’t even tell us wether thri-kreen women ritualistically kill their mates after conception. Not even as a joke. The most impressive thing about them is their various skills, like their leaping, and their psychic powers, not to mention Bullet Time. I’d say use them, sure, but give them something to work with from a characterization perspective. If you’re going to keep them as hunters, I might go so far as to say crib from the Predator movies, and have THE HUNT be the centerpiece of their culture. Like, superiority in THE HUNT is the be-all, end all.  It’s better than “yeah, uh, they hunt, but sometimes they eat people, except when they don’t, but except when they’re starving.” Give them a proper culture. Though I guess that’s what I usually ask for, then, ain’t it?