#i cannot imagine the carnage if i did not have a very flexible remote job and yet it's still not enough
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not sure how many long weekends off it's going to take to fix me, but so far it's more than two. <3
#'if you [REDACTED] you'd be able to rest for a while at least'#thanks my brain#shut the fuck up now#don't know how much longer this can last#not in a scary way but in a more concrete 'i simply cannot conceive of the logistics' kind of way#i am running out of fuel to brute force my way through every single day but i don't really have any reasonable alternatives to that#i think i'm gonna log off work for a bit and lie down#i cannot imagine the carnage if i did not have a very flexible remote job and yet it's still not enough#it's a classic case of 'i'm trying to look at the whole picture at once but i do not have the ability to do that without going insane'#'but i don't have the energy to organize the smaller pieces of information into the form it needs to be in order reasonably proceed'#and then i spiral#many such cases and all that#prattling about the self
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