#i can't watch a lot of his stuff bc the need to suck his dick is SO bad

[caninecowboy]

hm. thinking thoughts about that does chuck have sex appeal poll or not

[weebsinstash]

consider; multiverse shenanigans with a spider!reader where they make some offhand comment about how their heat/rut is coming up soon and they'll need some volunteers to cover patrols while they're down and half the society is like 'o damn that sucks, yeah i can swing a tuesday' and the other half is like 'your WHAT is coming up???'

and it turns out that a decent chunk of the multiverse has no idea what a/b/o orientations even are and it somehow just got totally lost in translation until that very second that this was a thing. what do you mean omega???? what the fuck do you mean you just thought i was a really boring smelling beta?????????? y'all motherfuckers are SNIFFING PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

now consider a miguel that is not from an a/b/o verse hearing about this and doing a little research to figure out exactly what a heat/rut is and just getting sucked down a rabbit hole and going feral for the idea that you're going to be in a highly suggestible and vulnerable state for nearly a WEEK and he's going to miss it!!! he didn't get invited!!!! what the fuck!!! the man spends a solid 48 hrs immersed in really bad multiversal porn and comes out the other end hungover and weeping that he nearly missed out on this

so he takes it upon himself to do a little rearranging, some scheduling, some scheming, and lo and behold you find yourself stuck in this crappy half-built nest in nueva york with miguel, who has no real idea how he's supposed to actually perform for you while ur like this and is just making it up as he goes- and totally ignoring the cultural and consent issues he's digging up doing this bc its biology right? so its fine? people in ur universe do this all the time, he has no idea why ur complaining just let him help u out jeez-

Some rando Spiderperson intending to be transphobic: --and they want us to accept everyone as whatever they say they wanna be now, as if men can get pregnant!

Reader, without skipping a beat: what the actual fuck are you talking about, my father carried me and my siblings for 6 months

Miguel is just starting to know you and is actively trying to learn more about you and one day you just, I dunno, you two do a mission together and he gives you praise and you just look at him with a big smile 😊 and your ass straight up PURRS for a few moments and he's just like 🥺❤️ gatito... ❤️

The man sees you talking to Jess and Peter B one day and O'Hara is watching from a distance because he's, awkward and not sure how to approach you, and suddenly his super hearing can pick up someone in the room talking idly about you, or even explaining ABO stuff to another person. "Yeah, see em over there, holding Peter Bs kid? Those Omega always have nurturing instincts. It's cause they're wired to spit out tons of babies. They're the breeders. They even have natutal pheromones to calm down their mates and friends and children" and suddenly Miguel's ears are burning "youre tellin me my darling might wants lots of little babies running around? Fantastic."

Mexican/Irish and also Catholic Miguel who wants one of those STUPID HUGE families where people have at least 6 kids and it's like "oh a typical Omega pregnancy usually has at least two or three babies in one go and theyre shorter than normal human pregnancies huh? Interesting :)"

Some members of the Spider Society are like "why is Miguel kind of lowkey being a dick to me all the time now" oh well its very simple you see, Miguel read your file and found out you're an Alpha and you share this weird connection and also natural biological attraction to HIS lil honeybee and He Hates You Now. Fuck off out his house and don't let him see you talking to his baby or else

He gets really close to you one day, I mean like physically, or hey maybe emotionally too, and he's hugging you and he gets a whiff of your scent and it's something he can't even describe, something that has a carnal biological effect on his where he just wants to keep holding you and hearing your voice like a drug, like it's oxytocin on crack, and suddenly in true scientist fashion he's researching you, your universe, its history, its medicine, its culture.

Can't help but imagine a Miguel who goes full yandere and gives no fucks about doing what he wants for darling and splices his DNA with Alpha DNA so he can officially claim you as a mate, scenting, knotting, and everything. Lyla gives you instructions to meet him in a specific place and it turns out he's been experimenting on himself and he's deep in a rut and suddenly your knees are getting pushed into your chest and you're getting passionately knotted and filled up by a grunting growling purring Miguel who's leaving love bites and kisses all over your skin, just, his size alone would make him hard to get away from, you don't even need to add Alpha instincts and being able to track your pheromones on top of that 😳

Miguel "just let me 'help you as a friend'" O'Hara who tracked when your next heat was going to kick in and maybe even drugged you so it comes at a specific time and he makes it where the two of you are together or even trapped or something when it happens and, here he is, "oh just let me help you, isn't it hurting" but like. We all know it's because he wants to. Like could you even imagine he's, you know, using his fingers and he goes to remove his pants or free himself or whatever and you're just like "no I'll get pregnant" and he just kind of has a Microsoft error window in his brain because it's like. Oh you'll get almost DEFINITELY pregnant? Guaranteed? You're trying to tell the man you dont want to and instead at least internally he's like "promise? 👉👈"

[kagejima]

I know you're a very busy woman and you haven't got all day but, please tell me more about Nanami timing me with his expensive watch and giving me ten minutes to make him come.

HOLD ON, I GOTTA THROW ON MY DICK SUCKING PLAYLIST :)))) it's just vedo, it's all vedo songs fadhjaskla

more thoughts under the cut (female reader, face fucking, throat fucking, gag reflex stuff, cum swallowing, he calls you a good girl and sweetheart)

OH GOD OKAY

so wendy and i were talking about how nanami owns incredibly expensive watches. like... the NICE ones, right? and i think she said something about "hope they're waterproof"

and then i said something like how everybody thinks he's a watch fanatic, but in reality he's on his 17th watch bc he only owns one watch bc you keep ruining it when he makes you squirt hehehehehe

and then we started yelling about how "wait, does he time himself? how fast he can make you come????" "wait, what if YOU only have ten minutes to make him come?????"

SO NOW WE'RE HERE!

okay, so, in my head, nanami is a very busy man. he's a grade one sorcerer, we know this. he has a lot of work he needs to do.

and sometimes, unfortunately, that work pulls him away from you. BUT he feels bad because he's been incredibly busy lately and hasn't made time for you :(

he feels bad, but you keep saying how you completely understand. the man is out there saving the world, you get it, you're just happy he still comes home alive each night.

so here he is tonight, he thinks he FINALLY has time to spend with you. but gojo is calling him.... and he ALWAYS screens gojo's calls.

so you two are getting hot and heavy, your own clothes are already off and nanami's on his way to having his off too, and you're tumbling around in the bed

and so the literally like the 10th time gojo calls him, he's PISSED, right? he swipes his phone up off the nightstand and he's like "WHAT!???"

gojo's all panicky on the other end - which you've NEVER heard gojo panicky before, so you know that it's bad... but you also know he likes to trick nanami into thinking that something is actually wrong when nothing is wrong

so nanami isn't taking him seriously this time. he never takes him seriously any time unless he has a second, third, fourth opinion about the matter. he just says that he's on his way.

but... he's fucking hard. he knows he can't go see gojo like this, he'll never hear the end of it.

so he keeps kissing you after he hangs up, and you're trying to get him to stop, and between kisses, you're like "don't you... don't you n... don't you need to go?"

he tells you have ten minutes :////

you're like "???? ten minutes to fuck you????"

he's like "no, i don't have time for that."

SIR PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

he tells you to be good and get on your knees for him

baby, he doesn't have to tell you twice, you're already on the floor before he even finishes his sentence.

FASDJHKAJSL IM GONNA GET A LIL FERAL, FUCK!!!!!

he.... baby, his pants are off, his thick cock is out, it's all weepy and red-tipped and it's just bobbing in front of you. he throws his tie over his shoulder and he bunches his shirt up so it isn't in your way

and you think he's JOKING about giving you ten minutes, but he SETS IT ON HIS WATCH

so now you feel pressure.... now you've forgotten literally everything you know about dick sucking

it all went out the window, bye-byeeeeee

baby, he's waiting.... he's waiting for you....

you're looking at his wrist and he's looking at you

HE'S JUST

HE JUST

"...Well? What are you waiting for?"

FOR MY BRAINCELLS TO COME BACK SIR, GIMME A FUCKING MINUTE

half of the work is already done for you, you think, because of you two getting so hot and heavy before and while gojo was calling, so surely you can do it in under ten minutes

BABY, NOW IT'S 8 MINUTES. YOU GOT 8 MINUTES. STOP WASTING TIME.

and you're oh so hesitantly sucking on the head of his cock now, your brain trying to remember all the techniques you know, but you're just nerves, it's so much pressure

because what is he gonna do if you don't succeed in the time limit?????

what is he gonna fucking do???

and so you start taking him deeper, and deeper.

you feel him hit the back of your throat and you hold him there, wondering if you can even relax to open up enough for him

baby, you can't, you're too nervous :(

and he senses you are, and he's trying to be gentle with you and help you, but fuck, now he only has five minutes

he knows nothing's gonna change in five minutes

a sweet and soft "sweetheart, i'm sorry. i'll make it up to you when i get home..."

and before you know it, he's picked you up in his strong arms and he's thrown you on the bed now, your head hanging down off of it

he reminds you to breathe as his cock works it way back down your throat

the noises are driving him insane, the way you're gagging and choking on him, the sloppy sounds of your spit leaking past your mouth and down your face as he mercilessly starts fucking your face

he feels bad that he's being rough with you, even though he knows you love it when he does this, so he tries to make it up to you by his hand reaching up and rubbing on your clit, trying to give you at least something

and he reminds you to breathe again as he tells you to relax and open up for him again

through spit laden gargles, you finally do open up

he grunts roughly because he knows he's close now, the way your hums and squeals and moans vibrate around his cock as he plays with you

through choked on moans he asks you if you're ready to swallow all of it

the watch starts to go off as you feel his cum, warm and thick and slippery spill down your throat and he keeps thrusting himself just a little bit now into your mouth still as he tries his best to not fall on top of you

when he finally regains his composure, he hisses a little as he slides his cock out

you whimper and cough a little

his cock is covered in spit and cum, shiny and wet

your face the exact same way

he tells you to stay where you are

not like you can move anyways

cooing little praises are said as he comes back and gently cleans your face with a damp cloth after you sit up

and your heart flutters as he kisses your forehead, telling you what a good girl you were for swallowing all of it and that he'll be home soon

[mithliya]

you can just respond with "I can't answer" or something if this is too personal/deep for you to answer

how do I get over being cheated on? I was in a relationship with a boy for just over 2 years (both 16 now) and he broke up with me out of nowhere (on Oct 2) he claimed it was for "mental health" and he "needed space to find himself", but coke to find 2 weeks later he's already with another girl. the catch? he's with a girl that I made him block ON OUR 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY because she called him hot. I don't think it's a coincidence.

based on the timeline and other information (don't wanna make this too long), the logical conclusion is that he cheated on me. I'm struggling with insecurities about my body because she has much bigger boobs than I do, and I'm like a d cup anyway. he's the boy I had my first EVERYTHING with, so I feel super betrayed.

it's just so hard being mad constantly, especially at someone I used to care so much about. plus the girl is obviously trying to start shit so I blocked her, but it's shitty thinking about him getting with another girl like I meant nothing. especially since he claimed the breakup was because he "couldn't talk to me" (lie) and he "stayed up every night thinking about killing yourself" (and sticking your dick in a senior with bigger tits changes that??)

anyway. even just ranting helped. I chose this blog because I'm a radfem and I look up to you, but I can't message you because people don't know my age. thanks

tbh good riddance. he was literally lying to you. don’t you think it’s better to get rid of him sooner than later? imagine that you stayed with this guy, being like idk 24 and having wasted a decade on him only to find out his mountain of lies and betrayal. it’s good that it ended now instead of after. and it’s not a reflection of you, or your boobs or your body. girl you’re a D cup!!! im a 25 year old woman who’s a B 😭 like truly theres no need to be worrying about your boobs being too small when you’re 16 and a D cup bc some asshole guy u were with is now with a woman whose boobs look bigger. your breast size doesn’t determine your worth at all and you’ll find someone better who doesn’t make you feel bad about your body which im sure is fine AS IS. bigger breasts come with many cons anyways, like struggling to find fitting bras, back pain, constant sexual harassment, etc. it sucks that he’s a lot of your firsts, but those experiences should be viewed as separate from him as a person. did you enjoy your first kiss and whatever else at the time? that’s what matters. the person can go get fucked. so many people’s firsts were absolutely terrible. its often the case but you’ll have more experiences and your firsts will ultimately be nothing but a distant memory, i promise. what matters is it wasn’t traumatic or forced on you in some way, bc those are the things that really stick and fuck with you. but you don’t need to hate on that older girl he’s now with either, he’s the asshole here and who knows what’ll end up happening to her since she’s in his vicinity. damn maybe it’d even be better for you and her to talk to one another and for u to warn her about his lying. maybe she can even confirm for you whether or not he was straight up cheating too. he’s clearly emotionally manipulative and YOU DESERVE BETTER!! also. you’re literally 16. you have your entire life and future ahead of you. he’s a piece of shit and his behaviour is no reflection of you but give yourself time and space to heal + grieve. i promise you he’ll eventually be so irrelevant to you and you’ll laugh at what an ass he is in the future. you’ll find someone great and do many great things. he’s one guy from your teen years that you had a teen romance with and there’ll be many more and much better, without any lies or cheating. allow yourself to be sad, and to be angry. you won’t be that way forever. talk to your close, dear friends to help you process it. watch stuff about these situations and see how others dealt with it too if you’d like. you’re not alone in this. you’re still young and relatively inexperienced in this regard, and that of course makes it hurt more (not to mention teen hormones making your emotions even harder to manage). be forgiving to yourself and do things you enjoy as well. you’ll be okay, im sure of it.

[kweebtrash]

Hey, not necessarily a sex question. But as someone who loves reading fanfic and appreciates fanfic writers, I still can't bring myself to write it. How did you get into writing fanfic, and was it ever weird for you? Do you have any advice on how to feel less weird about it? Especially smut about real people? (To be fair I can't bring myself to write smut in general idk why)

I started writing naruto and yu yu hakusho fanfiction when i was ten and it was just a regular oc and the character i liked. It wasnt good at all but i thought it was the greatest. When i met my sister (non biological) in middle school we decided to come up with our own "anime story". We would write it in notebooks and pass it to each other during class and get in trouble for it. So i guess that was the first time ive written an "original" story. By the time i was 12 i knew what sex was (mostly) and i knew teenagers did it (my characters were teenagers) so i was like oh if they like each other then they should do it. But because i was 12 i was like THATS ICKY TO WRITE ABOUT (in detail) so i made them get in bed and then skipped ahead and wrote THE NEXT DAY 😂😂😂

Then when i got access to a laptop and internet thats when i round "real" fanfiction online and smut back when it was called "lemon/lime/citrus" whatever the fuck that means. I still remember my first one was about neji hyuga LMAO.

I started reading more fanfiction throughout my teenager years and kept writing for anime, wrote bandfiction, created a bunch of OCs to rp with my partner at the time and i think by the time i actually started having sex that i was like ok this isnt so weird to write about anymore. So when we would rp we would just text each other sex scenes and i guess it became normalized because we were doing it irl so writing about it was just like hey! We sorta know what were doing! Oh i also used to watch a lot of porn as a teen? Idk why. That stopped after like a year or so but i found out shit through that, like bdsm, squirting, how utterly gross blowjobs are, what a hitachi wand was, how much i hate spit, etc. So that actually helped me discover like my beginning kinks. Porn is still terrible tho.

I think the first time i wrote smut was with a wrestling fanfic? And i had been reading a bunch of fics that had smut and with my basic knowledge and slowly finding out what phrases i liked in order to describe things it flowed a little more naturally but it was still hard.

Then i think i didnt really write much until i wrote my pentagon story which i think is terrible but other people like it. I guess with my practicing, experience, and sex education it started becoming easier? You can tell in my pentagon story that i was still getting back into the swing of things bc my sex scenes are atrocious and ridiculous 😅

I never really liked reading series myself bc i didnt want just prose and build up. I wanted smut. I was like THATS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR. So i made it a point to write smut in every single chapter so that way people stayed interested. In doing so it also helped me practice and get better. Then i read A LOT of bad kpop fics and was like....why dont these people know that sex isnt like porn??

There is a lot of copying in kpop fics in the sense that a lot of them are written the same way and we get the usual; some u realistic giant dick, "ministrations, pussy, cunt", kitten every other word, thigh riding, everyone confusing abuse with bdsm, "daddy" popping up left and right without going in depth to what meaning that holds, random weird shit. And i realized WOW I REALLY HATE KPOP FANFICS lol. So when i started writing messy i was like OK FUCK THIS IM GONNA WRITE SEX LIKE HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO. Then i starting writing smut where the condom broke, they talked about birth control, having a mental breakdown during sex, sexual assault, accidentally wacking each other while moving around, giggling, talking, explaining what you want. This i think helped me a lot, especially with my mental trauma that was associated with sex. I wanted to make it fun and real while also possibly teaching my readers about sex and maybe influencing other fic writers to not just regurgitate what they read.

As far as advice, im not quite sure if i have any?? Maybe i do lol. Take it with a grain of salt maybe?

With writing i would suggest

Read fics you like and highlight key phrases or actions you think are sexually appealing

Practice writing shorter scenes, you can even do time stamps or drabbles, things like that-people love those on here

Look into things. Honestly i knew what a cock ring was but someone requested i USE it in a fic and i was like shit guess i gotta google how to use a cock ring and while awkwardly watching videos of guys putting these things on i learned about metal ones, cages, silicone, rubber, rings, how long you should keep it on for, etc. So RESEARCH! is key too

If youve never had sex before that also helps if you research. Porn can give you a little bit of knowledge in generic motions or toys to use but by no means is it great as far as realism and sometimes its just plain icky.

So porn can be a basis, research can be a middle layer, reading other fics and seeing what you like and dont like is on top, and writing ur own is like...idk frosting lol.

As far as being weird with real people; since i wrote bandfiction and wrestling fics i was used to writing about real people for a little under ten years or so. Also i have a really active mind at night and i have tons of sex dreams that fit into like a story based setting. Thats where all my ideas for prose, dialogue and smut come from. Not everyone ofc has a brain like that but writing down things here and there might work. Lets say you have a favorite idol moment-like some really slutty dance move during a performance, you could time stamp that for inspiration. Save a lot of gifs and pics of them looking *chefs kiss*, listen to some music (i like alina baraz, sabrina claudio, galant, alex tbh, and jooyong for softer, gentler scenes or if you wanna get freak nastie listen to some dumbass jae park, or pretty ricky, or any sex related song thats not pretty lmao. Like rude boy by rihanna or something with a hard beat).

I think its also good to try and picture yourself in a sexual situation. You dont have to look like you, you could make up however you want to look in the scenario, its fantasy after all. Also think "would i like this?" Like i wont write about some idol spitting in my mouth or slapping me or peeing on me or something because thats not stuff that im into and i would be forcing myself to appease someone else and the writing woukd end up sucking big time. This also doesnt help the lack of good fics bc people are just following the requests they get even if they dont like it. I would write about what i think id feel in the moment. Id probably be nervous or if im pretending i could be a cool badass, i would think about things that i find attractive like his (imma use his bc i do write mostly about boy idols) face in the shadows of the light, how nice or soft his lips look, they way hes conveying emotions and looking at me if we were in love or if we were angry, the hold he has on me, why would it be going slow? Is it sad makeup sex? Is it a first time together? Is it just comforting after a bad day? Why would they be rough? Are they angry? Had a fight? Had a slow burn relationship and its culminated into a big explosion? Did they hate each other but hide their true feelings?

So i would suggest not just thinking about sex but thinking about the moment and all the things that lead up to, happen during, and the aftermath of it.

And of course if you don't understand anything or need more info about sex you can always ask me!

I hope this help and sorry its long😅😅😅😅

[theoatmealshow]

(TW ED MENTAL ABUSE)

Being the 4th sibling with a 17 year age gap.

Let me introduce you to my siblings will hide identity due to privacy

Red: she is in her 30's she is a red head brown who enjoys Harley Davison and yellowstone. She has 2 kids pufferfish (16) and Benson (13) she is divorced to her ex let's name him asshole 🙄 (fr tho fuck him he's a dick) works at a nursing home

Bogi: she is in her 30's she has blonde/silver hair due to dyeing it she like friends Pok��mon Go and always traveling around christan she has 2 kids as well knee who is (13) and Forest:who is (10) she has a ex husband named let's say Kevin due to family jokes) works with a brand we won't name

Bex: she is 30's she loves Disney the marvel universe traveling expectly to Saint George Island Christian ✝️ she has two kids bug (12) and flower (6) and an amazing husband named mickey works for Disney travels

Bench warmer he is 16 he is the golden child he gets straight A and B plays baseball basketball 🏀 baseball ⚾️ and tennis 6"2 very has a girlfriend named Lake homophobic and racist

Oatmeal AKA ME!!!!! I am 17 I made B C grades I am in my schools anime club I like anime cosplay Manga reading writing cats expectly mine (my pfp) I'm Trans ftm and pansexual

Eleven: he is 7 (he'd called 11 bc he has the shaved head for it 🤣🤣) he makes stirght A plays baseball ⚾️ likes to run around and be goofy like minecraft and fnaf and he proudly says he has 14 girlfriends

My mother: (57)she likes Disney and Marvile and anything hary poter. She's very relious. She was a school teacher aid now she is a director for a after school program very homophobic

My father: (57) he likes guns bows duck disnsty making leather work he works with leather in the winter and mows in the summer. Very Christian very homophobic

I will probably write more about all them due to me living with father mother bench warmer and eleven but I do see the rest alot. Anyway on with the rant...

See I am the 4th out of 6 childern. I have never been the smartest child or the prettiest either. My family are all very bigger humans and that's fine till your mother body shames you daily then it's not bloody fine.As the Trans pansexual human I already have body imagine problems. I have struggled with it all my life and it sucks. I got told to kms daily and it's just fucking wrong. My parents told me when I was a child if your arm can't go around your waste and touch you are not skinny. That all never bother, But today made me snap. So father made me give up my cat (not patches) due to it being a bitch to everyone.

So after that I was depressed and crying. My father got me a strawberry frosty frosty we ate it and went home. When we where on the ride home my dad asked if I want to go to a restaurant when my mom came home I said sure. We came home cried and watched heartstoper. I texted him i didnt want to go and he said give it time and to come it will be fun. I agreed got dressed and then benchwarmer refused to go with us till my dad forced him. We get in the car and my dad asked me to get more water for my cats due to the fact we are having a heat wave where I live.

I agreed and asked about the hoes and my father said bench warmer needed to fix it he refused so me and bench warmer got into a heated fight bc I do chores for him all the bloody time and the one time his chore blocks me from stuff 😒. We wait for my mom in a parking lot and he bitched about the heat. Well after I told him not to fucking ruin my mums mood she was dancing in the car to shape of you. But then he asked to physically fight me mind you he's 6"0 and I'm 5"5 so fuck. We get into the car it's a van to be exact and my mum stops the music and it turns to me and him fighting about the hoes at that point I didnt care he was just being a bitch. Then he called me a hippo and a Faggot and a retard alot more slurs. After that we went to the restaurant still heated I came home went to my bathroom turned on the ice cold water and stopped under After two hours that felt like 5 mins. Went to bed cold and depressed. And worse about it my brother didn't give a rats ass about anything when he came home he played with his friends on the Xbox and screamed on the top of his lungs how he sucks and how his team is bad.

This is the normal truth of the Oatmeal household.