#i can't wait to wake up to chapter 9 tomorrow

[lovelyhan]

op i just wanted you to know how much i craved a proper, plot-driven story based on black eye and you've given me (and everyone else here) the best one we could ever ask for 😩😩

pretty lies - part eight

pairing: vernon x reader

rating/genre: enemies to lovers, slow burn, ANGSTY fluff, band au

summary: supporting your friend mingyu becomes way more than you ever could have bargained for when you become involved with one of his bandmates

warnings: cussing, vernon has issues in this story but please remember this is a work of fiction, mingyu stans don’t hate me but mingyu and reader are just friends

word count: 3.8k

prev. chapt. | series masterlist | next chapt.

You let yourself stay in bed all day Saturday, keeping your phone turned off as you curled yourself deeper into your sheets, taking whatever sleep you could find so you didn’t have to think about last night. By the time Sunday morning rolled around you still felt like shit, mind becoming overwhelmed whenever you thought about what had happened with Mingyu and Vernon. You still didn’t even know the results of the Battle of the Bands competition - you just couldn’t bear to think about any of it. You got up only to eat some leftovers from your fridge and use the bathroom before you retreated straight back into your bed, closing your eyes again and willing yourself back to sleep. This was your last day to hide from the world in self pity before you had to show your face at your job tomorrow. Maybe you would call in sick instead.

Later on Sunday afternoon you were awoken by what sounded like a knock on your door. You ignored it, assuming it was the delivery person or your neighbor or someone who was lost. Whoever it was, you really didn’t care because you weren’t going to answer it. But a few moments later you heard your front door open, and your eyes shot open in alarm. You started thinking about where the closest weapon-like object was, survival instinct kicking in before you heard a voice call out.

“Y/n? Are you here?” It was Mingyu.

You closed your eyes again, hiding under the covers. You forgot you’d given him your spare key in the event that you lost yours. 

Shit. Maybe he’ll assume I’m not here, you thought to yourself, trying to stay quiet.

“Should we check her job? Or that book store you mentioned?” That sounded like Jay.

“Hold on,” Mingyu said to Jay. You heard footsteps begin approaching your bedroom door, followed by a light knock, but you kept quiet.

“I’m coming in,” he announced, and you heard the door creak open shortly after. You willed your body and face to stay still as you felt him walk right over to your side of the bed.

“I know you’re awake right now,” Mingyu deadpanned.

“Go away,” you said, not even trying to pretend. “Please. Just leave me alone.”

“I wouldn’t have had to come here if you’d answered any one of my many texts and calls. You had me worried.”

“Why? According to you we’re not really friends.” You meant to say it with a hard tone, but your voice wavered at the end, much to your annoyance.

Mingyu sighed then, sitting on the edge of your bed.

“I’m sorry y/n. That was a really stupid thing for me to say,” Mingyu began. “I was overwhelmed by everything that happened that night so when you told me you were dating Vernon…instead of being a supportive friend or checking to make sure you were ok I used the news as a replacement for my frustration about the competition…It wasn’t fair and I said a lot of things I didn’t mean - to you and Jay,” Mingyu looked back over at the other man, who gave him an appreciative nod in the doorway. “Things that were incredibly hurtful. It was wrong. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

You stayed silent, taking in his words.

“Are you still upset with me?” he asked like a scolded child, poking at the blankets wrapped around you. You only curled yourself into your covers more in response, not ready to give him the satisfaction of your forgiveness just yet.

“I brought chicken,” Mingyu said as a last resort.

Your face peeked out of the covers at his words, eyes narrowing.

“Stop lying.”

“When have I ever lied to you about food?”

“Hey, sorry to interrupt but…are we gonna eat soon? I’m hungry and this chicken smells goooooood man,” Jay’s voice butted in. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing out loud as Mingyu’s face became annoyed.

“Can’’t you see I’m trying to apologize like a good friend right now???”

“Sorry Jay,” you said, face settling into a tiny smile. “Just give me 20 minutes.”

—————

After you’d made yourself look relatively presentable, the three of you let yourselves eat in silence for awhile before you asked about the one thing that had been bothering you ever since they got there.

“So. What happened with Battle of the Bands?” you asked hesitantly. “Did they decide on a winner?” Jay and Mingyu looked at each other for a moment before Mingyu broke the silence.

“We lost.”

You looked at the two of them, sorrow flooding your face. You still couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“Mingyu, Jay - I’m so sorry. I swear I -”

“Stop. It’s not your fault so don’t even go there,” Mingyu said. “That crowd was out of control. And while I wish Vernon had handled it better, I’m glad that you’re ok first and foremost.”

“Even if it means you lost the competition? Your chance at pursuing music?” you asked regrettably. Mingyu sighed in response, nodding his head softly.

“Opportunities will come and go,” he said as he looked back at you calmly, “but nothing is worth risking your life or ruining our friendship over.”

You looked down silently, trying to take in Mingyu’s words. It was still hard to think about it, but you were growing to accept the fact that there was nothing you could have done in hindsight. While you wished you could have known all that being with Vernon would entail, that simply wasn’t possible. Nor could you hold yourself accountable for his actions. At this point you were just glad to have your friend back.

“Thanks Mingyu,” you said, sniffling a little as you gave him a tiny smile.

“Plus, not all is lost - check the BoB hashtag on your socials,” Jay offered.

You finally turned your phone back on, swiping through dozens of unread messages and notifications before you opened up the internet, typing in the hashtag and beginning to read. First you saw videos of the crowd surge and subsequent fight, watching Vernon jump down from the stage and push towards you before the punching began, which made you grimace. You paused the video before that part came on, reading some of the attached comments instead:

letsrave143: been complaining about this for years with #BoB. crowds getting crazier every year. do better please!!!

d0ntwannacry: was there and saw it happen just feet away. hey here’s an idea #BoB - can we turn this into a seated event please? and how about stop offering the 5 free drink tickets per person? people who can’t control themselves shouldn’t ruin the event for everyone else

bubbly_woozi: thank god artist saw and stopped performance. i don’t condone the punching tho.

You continued to scroll, finding comments attached to other videos of the guys performing:

iStantal3nt: the real winners. #RRD

livin4Drama: ok imma just say the quiet part out loud - no shade to @Kenzy but @RRD definitely should’ve won. too bad they were punished for that crzy incident. :(

RRDstanaccount: how many times is #BoB gonna invite @RRD for views but deny them their hard-earned win?

iDreaminCoolors: why tf is no one on the timeline talking about Visions by @RRD??? 1st time hearing and i sobbed

There were even videos going viral of judge reactions. One clip of Woozi in particular was gaining serious traction:

bubbly_woozi: get u someone who looks at u the way @_woozi does at @RRD

musicIslyfe: i need someone to get @RRD a meeting with @_woozi STAT. #BoB make it happen. the least you can do after robbing them -_-

junnyProd: @_woozi who’s got you smiling like that? give me a call and let’s chat. we still have to do a collab

“Holy shit - you guys are trending,” you said with wide eyes.

“That’s what I said!” Jay exclaimed, “But Mingyu keeps saying we shouldn’t put too much meaning in social media comments.”

“And I still stand by those words,” Mingyu said stubbornly. “But forget about all that, there’s another reason we came over,” he started, voice becoming a bit gentler. “Have you seen or heard from Vernon at all?” 

Your body tensed slightly at hearing his name. 

“You know I don’t mind that you two are dating right? You don’t need my permission or anything,” Mingyu followed up quickly, not wanting you to get the wrong idea as you nodded in understanding. “It’s just that we haven’t been able to get in contact with him since he left the competition. I don’t even think he’s sleeping at the apartment right now.”

Your brows creased with concern at hearing that. He wasn’t even coming home at night?

“I don’t know where he is,” you replied honestly. “He came by my place Friday night after the competition to make sure I was ok…but I was upset so I said some stuff and…things didn’t end so well. That was the last time I saw him,” you left it at that, a regretful look on your face.

“Shit. Y/n, I’m sorry,” Mingyu said, noticing the tinge of emotion in your voice.

“We’re just worried,” Jay said as Mingyu nodded along.

“I think we all know by now Vernon’s not the easiest guy to deal with,” Mingyu added. “And I know he’s been through some shit but he’s got some real talent so I’m trying to look out for him. I still wanna give him a chance, but if he keeps running away my hands are kind of tied,” he said regrettably.

“I get it,” you said. “And I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do. I hope he turns up soon.” You left the conversation at that, wanting to move on from the topic as quickly as possible. Mingyu took note, deciding not to push the subject.

The three of you finished up your food before beginning to clean up when Mingyu’s phone buzzed on your kitchen counter. You watched as he picked it up, face going from nonchalant to shocked in a matter of seconds as you watched his eyes flit back and forth, clearly reading something.

“Jay, come here for a second,” he motioned over to him. “Please tell me this isn’t a scam.”

Jay came over and looked at Mingyu’s phone, a grin spreading across his face after a few moments at what he saw.

“Nah man, that is indeed the real deal. I follow their account.”

“What is it?” you asked curiously.

Mingyu and Jay looked at each other, a mischievous glint in both their eyes before they just broke out into laughter.

“Ok, someone please tell me what’s going on right now,” you whined a little as you placed your hands on your hips, feeling left out.

“We just got a message from Woozi’s team,” Mingyu started. Your eyes widened. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Shut up - you’re fucking kidding right?” you asked incredulously.

Mingyu shook his head no, another laugh escaping his lips. 

“Well? What does it say?” You walked over quickly and looked down at his phone, not even waiting for a response.

“Dear members of Red Rock Day,” you began reading out loud. “We are representatives of Woozi’s team, reaching out on behalf of the artist to inquire about a potential collaboration. As you may know, Woozi was a guest judge during your performance at Battle of the Bands and has expressed an interest in working together on a new project as well as helping to make an official recording of your song Visions. Please let us know as soon as possible if you are interested. We look forward to your response.”

You practically jumped up and down after finishing the message. “Oh my god, this is amazing! I’m so happy for you guys,” you said ecstatically, pulling Mingyu and Jay into a big group hug.

“I told you things would work out,” Jay said serenely.

“We still have a problem though,” Mingyu said worriedly. You took a deep breath, having a feeling you knew where this was going. You released your hold on the guys, backing away slowly.

“Visions is Vernon’s song,” he continued. “We can’t do this without him - hell, we wouldn’t even be here without him. He has to hear about this.”

“I know…so what are you guys gonna do?” you asked.

Mingyu and Jay glanced at each other again before looking right back at you, a tentative question in their eyes.

“No way,” you said, shaking your head. “I’m not talking to Vernon.”

“But you know him better than any of us,” Mingyu tried.

“What makes you think that?” you pushed back. Mingyu only gave you a look of disbelief, and you couldn’t blame him. You didn’t even believe the words yourself as they came out of your mouth.

“He would never want to see me again after last night,” you tried to make a different case against the idea. “Not after I pushed him away.”

“I know I don’t really deserve to ask this of you after everything but…would you at least be willing to try?” Mingyu asked gently. “He won’t answer my or Jay’s calls or texts. We don’t have any other options and we can’t just wait around for him to show up now.”

You stood in silent frustration with your arms crossed, feeling like you were being trapped in a corner with nowhere to run.

“Y/n,” Jay started gently, “I think what we’re trying to say is that, you and Vernon clearly connected over the last few months. He felt safe enough with you to share the meaning of a song that he refused to talk about with Mingyu and I, even after we rehearsed it dozens of times together. I truly believe you would be the best person to convince him to come back - to record this. We owe it to him to let him know about this opportunity - to let him have a choice.”

In your heart you knew that they were right. Despite your falling out you still cared about Vernon. You knew he had dreams of songwriting, of making music just like Mingyu and Jay did, and you knew how much meaning the song Visions held. You would hate it if such an amazing opportunity was to slip through his fingers - through any of their fingers. Of course it would be up to Vernon at the end of the day, but he had to know in order to make a decision.

“Fine,” you said hesitantly. “I’ll do it.”

—————

Cellphone buzzing in your hand, you looked down to see a text from Mingyu:

Mingyu: i know this isn’t easy, and i appreciate what you’re doing right now. call me anytime if you need me.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes and trying to keep yourself calm as you continued to wait.

It was the following Monday after work, and you were sitting on a bench outside, just a few blocks from your office. You’d made yourself go in today rather than calling in sick, hoping that it would help to distract you a little, but you hadn’t been able to focus on even the simplest of tasks, too busy thinking about what you’d say when you saw Vernon - if you saw him. You had tried calling him several times after Mingyu and Jay left, but each time your phone would ring and ring until it reached his voicemail. For a moment you worried that maybe something had happened to him, but when you left a text explaining the opportunity and asking if the two of you could talk, you saw that the message was immediately marked as read, though he didn’t send anything back. You sent one more message, asking if he could meet you today after work where you were now. 

The spot was one you two would frequently pass by when you would go on your walks together. You still remembered how you and Vernon would stop at this same bench sometimes and sit, your head leaning against his shoulder, hands linked as you would look across at the adjacent river and watch as others passed by. Now spring was almost here, and with the extra hours of sunlight you watched as the sun slowly began it’s descent a tad later than usual, light hitting the ripples of water serenely as birds chirped and newly grown petals wafted by, carried by the light breeze. You weren’t sure if Vernon would come, but you’d found yourself hoping he would. The more you’d had time to think the more you realized you didn’t like the way you’d left things the last time you spoke. 

You felt him before you saw him - that smoky smell and the sound of heavy footsteps that seemed to walk a path and a pace that was in defiance of the rest of the crowd. He sat unceremoniously next to you on the bench, the two of you focusing on the river rather than looking at each other.

“How are you?” you started after a couple beats of silence, realizing he wasn’t going to speak first.

“Fine.”

You looked down before finally glancing over at him. He was clad in a worn denim jacket and jeans, hands shoved deep in his pockets. You could still see bruising all around his eye as he continued staring out at the water, his nose scrunching a little as the breeze drifted through the hair on his forehead.

“Mingyu told me you didn’t come home the last few nights. I was worried.”

“I just needed to get away for a bit. Wasn’t a big deal.”

“Ok,” you said softly. “Well, did you see my text about the collaboration opportunity?”

Vernon stayed silent for a moment, looking down as if he was upset.

“Why’d you really ask me to come here?” he asked another question instead of answering, turning to look directly at you. You nervously looked away. It was a fair point - you already knew he’d read your texts. That could have been the end of it, though it hadn’t felt right to leave it at that - not when you thought about the last time you’d talked. If you were being honest, you regretted some of the things you’d said - or at least, the way you’d said them.

“I just - I thought it would be a good idea to meet in person again so we could…could -”

“Could what?” he prodded you on, and you could hear a tinge of sadness in his voice.

You let out another deep breath.

“Vernon…I’m sorry for how things went the last time we spoke. The guilt I had about hiding our relationship, the argument I had with Mingyu…I took it out on you and a lot of it wasn’t fair. If I could go back and say things differently I would, but still…” you started softly, thinking back to your fight and everything else that had happened, finally turning to face him again, voice becoming dry as you swallowed nervously. As amazing as some moments with Vernon had been, it all became tainted when you thought about the anger he still held inside of his heart - the parts of him that he hadn’t let heal, refused to even.

“I don’t think this is working.” Your heart fell as you watched him register your words in full, eyes going from hope to despair in a matter of seconds.

“You don’t mean that,” he insisted, shaking his head in denial at those last few words. But as he saw the pity in your eyes, your lips formed into a tight line, he began to panic, his entire body turning towards yours to face you fully.

“Look, I’m sorry for leaving last night - for getting upset, ok?” Vernon said apologetically, a hand rubbing the back of his head. “And I know I haven’t done shit perfectly but I promise I can be better. I’ll be on my best behavior when I’m with you - I promise. Just please don’t leave,” he began to plead.

You shook your head, eyes becoming watery as you looked at him miserably.

“Don’t you see that’s part of the problem? You have to be better for yourself Vernon. Not for me or for anyone else - for you.”

You began to get up from the bench, collecting yourself as Vernon stood up with you. The sun had almost set at this point, the sky becoming a deep amber color mixed with shades of purple.

“Please, don’t -” he stumbled over his words as he tried to calm himself. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me. Fuck - I don’t wanna be alone again,” he begged, voice cracking.

“I’m sorry,” you said, a tear falling from your eye. You gently wiped it away with the back of your hand. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Well you’re hurting me right now - this fucking hurts.” Vernon’s eye was throbbing in pain at this point but he couldn’t care less about it - not when you were breaking his heart. Nothing could be more painful.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked at you for a few more moments with furrowed brows, waiting for the moment you would change your mind. Say you didn’t mean it, tell him you loved him, that you would never leave him. But you stood your ground, having clearly made up your mind. There was nothing else he could do. He began to turn away from you, unable to face you anymore as tears began to blur up his sight.

“Wait. Vernon.” He stopped, back still facing you.

“I know I shouldn’t ask but - just promise me you’ll record Visions,” you said tearfully. “There are people out there that need to hear it. I don’t want you to hide in silence anymore.”

He looked down for a moment before focusing back on the path, beginning to briskly walk away from you.

—————

You drove back home, not regretful of your decision but still incredibly sad. Just because you’d ended things with Vernon didn’t mean it had been easy. You weren’t sure you were ever going to forget the way he’d looked at you when you’d said sorry, face contorted in a pain that came from somewhere far deeper than the bruises on his face.

Once you’d made it home all you wanted to do was shower and get in your bed, but within minutes of taking off your coat your phone started ringing - it was Mingyu. “Shit,” you muttered, mind going back to the other reason you’d reached out to Vernon. Mingyu and Jay had been depending on you to convince him to agree to record. You knew it would be an amazing opportunity for all of them, including Vernon, and a part of you wondered if your breaking up would jeopardize that, but you tried to remind yourself that now that he knew about it, it was out of your control. You had to do what was best for you, and you just hoped that Vernon would do the same. You waited a few rings before finally answering the call, another apology on your lips as you readied your explanation, prepared for the worst.

“I don’t know what you said y/n, but he agreed. We’re really gonna work with Woozi,” Mingyu immediately said without leaving you in suspense. You could hear just how shocked he was, still unable to believe it was all real.

“I’m…I’m glad,” you said, also in a bit of shock, voice barely audible. As one realization was hitting Mingyu in full force, a different one had begun to sink itself into your bones now that you could no longer fixate on the collaboration. Somehow Vernon agreeing to record despite your relationship ending made you feel even worse. It really was over between the two of you.

“Y/n? Are you ok? Tell me what’s wrong,” Mingyu asked, noticing the tone of your voice. All you could do was give a deep sigh in response.

“Did he do anything to you?” he asked with concern. “‘Cause if he did I swear I’ll -”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” you interrupted with a shake of your head even though Mingyu couldn’t see you, tears beginning to fall from your eyes.

“I - I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore and I just -” you began sobbing, unable to hold it in anymore. Your heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces.

prev. chapt. | series masterlist | next chapt.

taglist: @twogyuu @yourfavoritefreakyhan

[imaginespazzi]

Part 5: The Answers We Wait For

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11

I'd go back in time and change it (but I can't)

(In which a writer's busy schedule somehow still had time for her favorite obsession)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining

Words: 7.0K (it's very on-brand that my busiest week would produce the longest chapter)

TW: Swearing (I think that's it?)

A/N: Happy Monday lovelies :) How I managed to pull this off is between me and God at this point but here we are. I know it's been an interesting day to say the least, so I'm hoping me living up to my promises can be a silver lining. Quick note that I already fucked up the timeline at some point and Paige Olivia have actually been divorced for almost 3 years. I'll change that eventually. I actually didn't even try to really edit this chapter and in the choice between editing tomorrow and giving it to y'all today, I chose the latter. So please help a girl out and point out my typos/mistakes if you spot them and I will also eventually go back and edit. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked and anything you'd like to see going forwards. Have a lovely week my loves <3

December 2027

Marriage and weddings had never been at the forefront of Paige’s mind. To be completely honest, for most of her life, there wasn’t much occupying her brain other than the court under her feet and the basketball in her hands. But the couple of times she had let herself picture it, she’d always thought that she’d have a Fall wedding, probably in Minnesota, maybe even on a basketball court. An indoor winter wedding in Texas had never once crossed her mind. She’d imagined vibrant fun bouquets made of pink lilies and purple hydrangeas, not the elegant red and white roses arrangements that were currently being placed along a far too heavily decorated aisle. Instead of vintage wines and carefully constructed fancy cocktails, she’d thought it would be nice to have spiked shirley temples and maybe even blue and white jello shots. She had expected to have a quiet ceremony followed by a vivacious gathering of everyone she loved. It had never even occurred to her that her wedding would become a public spectacle with People's magazine in attendance.  She’d pictured a party, not an event. 

Most of all she’d dreamt of getting married to a girl with dark eyes that could see all of Paige’s flaws and a soft smile that promised she’d love Paige despite them all. 

But the thing about dreams is that they’re fleeting trains that travel through the tracks of your mind when you’re asleep, and when you wake up, reality is nothing but a devastating train crash. 

Paige sighs, forcing herself out of her own head, as she stares at her reflection in the mirror. She looks pretty. Brittany had found her a nice white wedding suit -fitted to perfection- matching it with dainty silver jewelry. Paige normally liked her outfits a little looser but Olivia loved it and Paige likes that Olivia loves it. Her hair is styled in a bun, with two straightened strands to highlight her face. She thinks she might have preferred to have them curled in the front but Olivia had sweetly insisted on them being straight because hers would be curly and they had to complement, not match. Paige doesn’t really understand the difference or the importance but she thinks if Olivia wants it like that then she's fine with it. She thinks the bold red lipstick heavily coating her mouth makes her look a little bit like a vampire out of a badly directed 90’s horror movie but Olivia had said it was necessary so that the lights and cameras didn’t wash her face out. 

Paige looks pretty. She just doesn’t really look like Paige. 

“What do you think Drewski?” she asks, twirling to face her stone-faced brother who’s sitting on the couch, with a bout of enthusiasm that rings hollow to her own ears, “do I look gorgeous or what?”

“You look weird,” Drews says stiffly and Paige sighs. 

“Dr-” Paige is cut off by her younger brother sauntering over. A confused expression spreads over her features as Drew takes her hand and places it on his forehead, “uh- what are you doing?”

“Paigey, doesn't my forehead feel hot? I feel so sick,” the little boy whines, letting out a series of overzealous dramatized coughs. 

“Your forehead feels fine,” Paige says, slowly removing her hand.

“Well of course you’d think that. You’re not a doctor who knows how to feel foreheads correctly. I think we need to go to the hospital to see a real doctor. Like right now,” Drew pulls at Paige’s hand as she begins to catch onto what he’s trying to make happen. 

“You’re fine Drew.”

“I’m NOT. I’m very, very, very sick. So we have to leave right now. I could be contagious. I could be a danger to all these people,” Drew’s animated hands start to fly everywhere, “you can’t get married when your little brother’s sick. It’s- it’s just wrong. Bad juju or something like that. Everybody will understand that you just had to call off the wedding. For family reasons.”

“Drew-” Paige tries again, a hard pit settling in her stomach. 

“Are you worried cause you didn’t bring your car? That’s okay I’m sure Ice or KK will drive us but you can’t get married today Paigey. You just can’t,” his bottom lip trembles as the façade of illness slips and Paige feels her own eyes start to get glossy, “it’s not right Paigey. This is all wrong. She’s all wrong.”

“It’s not like that Drew. You just haven’t gotten to know-”

“I don’t want to know her,” Drew yells, “you don’t even know her. How can you get married to someone you’ve barely dated for a year. How can you do this to Az-”

“That’s enough,” Paige’s voice is eerily calm, as she digs her fingernails into her palm, “watch how you talk to me-”

“You’re being stup-”

“Drew Thomas I am not going to repeat myself again. Behave yourself. You’re not nearly old enough to be questioning what I do with my life,” it takes every inch of self-control Paige has to not let her voice shake. 

Her younger brother’s words feel like acid rain pelting against her already wounded skin. They slip into the gashes, mixing into her bloodstreams to create an army with the battalion of her own thoughts that have been hacking away at her heart for god knows how long. Paige wonders how long it’ll be before she finally bleeds out. 

“Please don’t get married Paigey,” Drew pleads, gripping his sister’s hand, “please.”

There’s nothing but silence as Paige opens and closes her mouth. And she doesn’t know if she’s trying to get words out or breathe air in; all she knows is that Drew might be squeezing her hands, but it feels like someone is strangling her lungs. 

She’s saved from having to say anything by a hesitant knock on the door. As Drew begrudgingly goes to open it, Paige scrambles to put herself back together. She closes her eyes, taking in three deep breaths before-

Drew gasps and Paige’s eyes fly open. With her back turned to the door, she can’t see who it is and something like hope starts to bloom in her chest, vines of maybe it’s her weaving through her ribcage. And as she turns around, they turn to dust; dust that floats up to her eyes and makes them tear up again as she stares dumbfoundedly at the two people standing somewhat awkwardly in her doorway. 

Paige had grown up an independent child. It wasn’t that her parents were neglectful or that they hadn’t loved her enough because they had. But at first it was the constant fighting and then it was the nurturing of a brand new family with new children and Paige had slipped through the cracks of oh she’s so mature we don’t need to worry about her. She had always had her parents as cheerleaders in the stands; no one was prouder of Paige than they were. But no one had bothered to force her to drink terrible tasting immunity boosters. No had patiently dyed her hair purple and pinky promised to like it even if it turned out terrible. No one had yelled at her for being in the gym till one a.m or woken her up at an ungodly hour to run drills. Not until she’d met a girl at 15 and that girl’s parents had decided that Paige was just as much theirs as their own daughter. 

And suddenly there were more people added to her cheering squad for her wins. But that’s not when Paige fell in love with Tim and Katie Fudd. It was when she lost and there was a nagging finger followed by a full breakdown of what she could do better next time and finally, a bear hug promising they’d help her do it. They’d been there every step and she’d sent the invitation, scared they wouldn’t show up, that they wouldn’t be there for this step, a step that inadvertently took her further away from them. But here they are anyway. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Katie says softly, her own eyes moist as she takes in the sight of the bride, “you look- you look absolutely stunning Paige.”

“You came,” Paige whispers, “I didn’t- I didn’t know if you would.”

“Of course we came,” Tim exclaims but his normal boisterous voice doesn’t feel nearly as enthusiastic, “always told you we’d be front and center at your wedding.”

Because I was supposed to marry your daughter; I was supposed to become your daughter, officially. 

“I’m really glad you guys came,” Paige says, letting Katie wrap her into a warm hug. She only gets a second to let herself enjoy it before Drew’s asking a question that makes her stiffen. 

“Where’s Azzi?” 

It’s like there’s lightning wrapped in that one syllable and it strikes right through Paige’s heart, setting every inch of it ablaze with the flames of a name that used to feel like cotton candy on her tongue; now it feels like lava. 

“She couldn’t make it,” Tim says slowly and Paige knows she shouldn’t be surprised, let along disappointed that her ex wasn’t coming but there’s a string that snaps anyways. 

“Why not?” Drew asks petulantly. 

“The baby’s due next month,” Tim tells him gently, “she can’t fly.”

The air feels suffocating at the mention of the baby. She’d been scrolling mindlessly through her tiktok feed when the announcement had popped up. She still has it memorized. 

Golden State Valkyries superstar shooting guard Azzi Fudd announces pregnancy on Instagram; she’ll miss the upcoming WNBA season. 

For a moment the world had stopped as Paige had hurriedly switched apps to instagram. And there it was. A smiling picture of Azzi holding a sonogram. Paige doesn’t know how long she’d stared at the picture but she remembers that it was set against a white background and she remembers that Azzi was wearing a green top. And as she’d typed out a congrats! that blended in seamlessly with all the other felicitating comments on the post, Paige had wondered if Azzi had felt it too. She’d wondered if, when Azzi had left a similar congratulations <3 post on Paige’s engagement announcement, she’d felt something unravel too. She’d wondered if Azzi had felt this hollowness of and i guess this is us signing off on never getting forever with each other. 

“So Azzi’s not going to stop this wedding?” Drew’s voice is dangerously even as he rounds on Paige, “and you’re really going through with this?”

“Drew please” Paige says tiredly as Katie runs a soothing hand down her back. 

“You’re stupid. And she’s stupid. You’re all so freaking stupid,” Drew bursts out, stomping past the adults in the doorway, his anger palpable in every single word. 

“I got it,” Tim says, wrapping a wrist around Paige’s hand as she moves to follow her younger brother. He squeezes gently, a half-hearted smile on his face, “it’s gonna be okay kid. It always is.”

Paige wishes she could just believe him, turn off the voices in her head and just be a kid who could take an adult’s word as gospel. But Paige is the adult now and believing no longer comes so naturally. 

“Hey,” Katie says after Tim runs after Drew, pulling Paige to sit with her on the couch, “I have a little wedding gift for you.

“Katie you don’t have-” Paige begins, watching as the older woman pulls out a velvet box from her bag, placing her phone on the table next to her. 

“Oh hush. I told you I’d give this to you,” Katie chides as she hands the velvet box. Paige’s eyes glisten as she opens it to find a familiar purple amethyst necklace. She’s flooded with the vivid image of her and Azzi on a random day in lockdown helping Katie organize her minimal jewelry. Paige had fallen in love with this necklace and Azzi had her eyes set on a pink topaz. It was fitting to say the least and Katie had promised them, with a glint in her eyes, that she’d give it to them as their something old on their wedding day. They’d been in between something and everything but Paige and Azzi had shared a shy smile over it anyways. 

“I can’t accept this,” Paige shakes her head trying to hand the box back but Katie dodges it expertly. 

“Yes you can. It’s basically a family heirloom and you, Paige Bueckers, are family,” Katie says firmly. 

“Katie-”

The older woman presses a kiss to Paige’s forehead as she starts to head out, “you’re always gonna be family Paige. Always.”

Katie’s words act like a band-aid but they’re not enough- maybe nothing will be enough- to fully heal the wound of today i was supposed to officially become a Fudd. 

A ringing noise interrupts Paige’s pity party and she starts half-heartedly digging around for her phone. She’s confused when she finds it because no one’s calling her and the room is still vibrating with noise. Crinkling her eyebrows, Paige’s eyes finally land on the couch side table, where Katie’s phone, clearly forgotten, is buzzing. 

Azzi’s CallerID flashes on the screen. 

Paige stares at the phone, rooted in place. She knows she shouldn’t pick it up, knows she should go return it. Still without a decision, Paige slowly starts to reach for it. And then it stops ringing and Paige goes still again, unsure if she’s relieved or disappointed. Swallowing, she takes another step. The phone rings again. A myriad of thoughts dance through Paige’s mind, opposing thoughts clashing with each other and making her head hurt. She lies to herself that it’s out of concern; that Azzi’s pregnant and this could be important. She lies to herself as she hits the green answer button that it’s not because she’s desperate to hear Azzi’s voice. 

“Mom?” Azzi sounds distraught when she picks up but Paige thinks it’s still her favorite sound any way, “Mom? I think I did something wrong. I can’t do this Mom. You’ve been gone a day and I’ve already fucked up. I don’t know what and I don’t know when but I think I fucked up. Maybe I ate something I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe it’s because I lay on my back instead of my side but Mom she hasn’t kicked all day and I can’t get Dr. Myers on the phone and I-”

“It’s a girl?” Paige breathes out. And suddenly she’s 22, sitting in a UConn apartment living room, grinning foolishly as Jana points out an AI picture that looks like the perfect mixture of her and Azzi. Azzi, who’s having a daughter. 

The woman in question is quiet and for a second Paige thinks that Azzi might hang up. 

“It’s a girl Paige,” Azzi says finally. 

“Are you- are you okay?” Paige asks slowly, trying not to dwell on how much she’s missed the way Azzi says her name. It’s been Bueckers every time they’ve seen each other this year and she’s never hated the sound of her last name more. 

“Yeah, I just-” Azzi sighs, her voice still a little frazzled, “I’m just being paranoid cause my Mom’s not here and my doctor’s not answering and the stupid baby hasn’t kicked all day,” she pauses, “sorry. I-I don’t mean to dump on you. Not today at least.”

“Az-”

“Where’s my Mom?”

“She- she’s probably outside. Think she left her phone here by accident. I can go find her but can I-” Paige hesitates, chewing at her lips in a way she knows Olivia hates, “can I help?”

“I don’t think-”

Paige shocks herself with her next words, “put the phone to your stomach.”

“What? Paige, did you hit your head in the last two seconds or something?”

“Just- just trust me,” she’s not really sure what she’s saying but now that she’s said, might as well commit to the bit, “I’mma talk sense into her. I saw it in a movie.”

“You saw it in a-” Azzi sighs and Paige can practically picture her rolling her eyes.  “I don’t know who’s more insane. You for coming up with the idea or me because I’mma follow through it,” there’s a bunch of static noise on the other side as Azzi adjusts herself, putting the phone on speaker and pressing it to her belly, “alright Dr. Bueckers work your magic.”

Paige is nervous as she speaks, “hey there little bean. I’m your-” she stops because what is she, “I’m your Paige,” she decides softly, “and I think- I think you should stop stressing your Mama out. She’s a bit of an overthinker so if you could just help her out, I think she’d really appreciate it. Because if- if you don’t she isn’t gonna be able to sleep tonight and you don’t know this yet but when your Mama doesn’t get sleep, she’s kind of a bi-”

“Paige,” Azzi hisses.

“Big baby,” Paige corrects, “she’s a big baby. And then she cries and it’s not a pretty sight-”

“Hey!”

“Sshhh Azzi I’m working my magic,” Paige scolds, “where was I? Oh yeah. She cries and it’s not a pretty sight because,’ her voice softens, “seeing your Mama cry is the worst thing in the world. I hate it and I know- I know you’re gonna hate it too because when you finally come out little bean, the first thing you’re gonna see is your Mama’s smile. And you’re gonna think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Just like I do,” a sob escapes on the other end of the line and Paige feels tears start to cascade down her own cheeks, “come on little bean, give us a little kick. Make your Mama smile.”

Time ticks by slowly and Paige closes her eyes, thinking maybe her desperate attempt to keep Azzi on the line had failed miserably. And then Azzi gasps, “she kicked. Oh my god Paige she kicked.”

Paige’s grin stretches her whole face and for a second it almost feels like she’s right there with Azzi, that instead of her ear being pressed to a phone, it’s pressed to Azzi’s belly. For a second she almost feels like she can feel the baby kicking. And then she opens her eyes. 

“Did it make you smile?” 

“Yeah, yeah it did,” Azzi admits and Paige can hear the relief in her voice. 

“I’m glad- I’m glad you have something that makes you smile.”

“Do you?” Azzi sucks in a sharp breath, “do you have someone that makes you smile?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” and it’s not a complete lie. Olivia does make Paige smile. And maybe it’s not quite as big or bright or real but at least Olivia’s here to try. 

“Good. I-I’m also really glad you have that.”

“You are?”

“Of course I am Paige,” Azzi says quietly, “I want you to smile. I just- I just want you to be happy. Are you happy Paige?”

“I’m getting married today,” Paige says in lieu of an answer and she can hear Azzi’s breath hitch. 

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is. It’s a yes or no question,�� Azzi presses.

“Then you answer it Azzi,” Paige bites out, “are you happy?”

“I”m-,” the younger girl lets out a sigh, “I’m content.”

Her answer makes Paige’s skin itch with irritation and she can’t stop it from seeping into her next question, “so you have no regrets then?”

“I didn’t say that,” there’s a warning edge to Azzi’s voice. 

“Do you or do you not regret saying no to marrying me Azzi?” Paige asks, unable to hold it in any longer. 

“Paige-”

“What? You gonna say it’s not that simple? It’s a yes or no question Azzi,” Paige mocks. 

“That’s not it-”

“Then what is?”

“You’re getting married Paige,” Azzi yells, “you’re getting married,” she repeats again, softer this time, “to someone else. And so it doesn’t matter how I feel. It isn’t fair of you to ask and it wouldn’t- it wouldn’t be fair of me to answer. Not today. Maybe one day- one day it'll be the right time but not today.”

“And what if it’s never the right time?” 

“Then maybe it’s a question you were never meant to know the answer to.”

There’s something final in the quietness that follows, like they’re having a moment of silence at a funeral for what never even got to be. 

It’s Azzi who speaks first. 

“You’re gonna be a wonderful wife P.”

“You’re gonna be an amazing mom Az.”

They let it left unsaid that they were supposed to be wives to each other, that they were supposed to be moms together. 

***

March 2033 

Paige doesn’t know how long she stands outside, staring down the winding road that had taken Stephie and Azzi away from her. The neighborhood is slowly waking up and if the woman across the street opens her curtains and thinks it’s a little strange that her new neighbor is standing like a statue on her front porch, she only raises a slight eyebrow before going back to her day. It takes almost twenty minutes before her head finally convinces her heart that no matter how much she stands outside, they’re not coming back. 

There’s a part of her that can admit that maybe Azzi had a point and maybe she shouldn’t have asked her to stay over last night. But Paige has never been known for her common sense, especially not when it comes to Azzi. Because truth be told, asking Azzi to stay the night was perhaps the least ridiculous of the thoughts that had invaded her mind last night. It was easy- too easy- to fall right back into whatever with Azzi. She’d done a good job pretending that the nightly facetime calls had been for Stephie’s benefit but the truth is that they had become just as much a necessity for Paige. She’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face every night and the temptation to have that in person last night had been too hard to resist. And so she hadn’t. 

She makes it about three steps up the stairs, when the fort still set up in the living room catches her eye. And that’s when the first tear falls, and then the second and then the third until she thinks if she tried to swim in them, she’d probably drown. Paige abandons the idea of going up to her room and crawls back into the tent made of blankets. And she must be going insane because she swears she can still smell the faint scent of a toddler and Azzi’s lavender perfume on the pillow she cradles to her chest. It’s ridiculous to be so attached already. She knows that. Stephie isn’t hers but it feels like the little girl has crept underneath her skin, burrowing herself in a part of Paige’s heart that the blond didn’t even know was there. And Azzi- well no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much resentment Paige has held, the truth is that there’s a little patch of Paige’s soul  that will always belong to the younger woman. 

Paige barely registers herself falling asleep until there’s abrupt knocking on her door and she realizes she’s been cocooned in the fort for almost three hours. She hesitantly lets go of the pillow, groggily walking towards the door. It’s useless to pretend that she isn’t hoping it’s Azzi and Stephie on the other side, isn’t hoping that Azzi had realized her mistake, isn’t hoping to scoop both of them into her arms and fill the hollowness that’s been thrumming against her ribcage. God Paige has barely survived a month -a day if she’s completely honest- she doesn’t know how she’s going to survive this whole season. 

She crosses her fingers behind her back as she opens the door. 

“Hey,” Katie’s smiling face looks back at her, holding up a tray of coffee and a bag of something, “figured you haven’t eaten breakfast yet?”

Paige blinks stupidly as Katie lets herself in, moving through Paige’s house with ease and immediately locating the kitchen. She hands Paige a cup of coffee before ransacking through the bag and pulling out a glazed donut, “eat. I know you haven’t.”

“Does Azzi know you’re here?” Paige asks slowly before taking a bite out of her donut. 

Katie gives her pointed look, “who do you think gave me your address?”

“Is she- is she okay?” 

“You two are something you know,” Katie shakes her head, “you’re asking me if she’s okay and she sent me over here to make sure that you were okay.”

Paige feels her heart swell with after all this time, “she sent you?”

“I have breakfast with Azzi and Stephie every Sunday morning. Now imagine my surprise when I get there today and my oh so sweet and wonderful granddaughter isn’t talking to her mother. And so I forced the story out of Azzi and I barely understood a word she was saying through her tears-”

“She was crying?” Paige feels her lungs constrict. 

Katie shoots her an unimpressed look, “can I finish the story?”

“I don’t like this story. It has Azzi crying.”

“Yeah well the two of you seem to enjoy doing that to each other,” Katie cocks an unamused eyebrow and Paige flinches at the truth of it, “anyways I didn’t understand much of it but she was clear by the end. Seemed to think you needed someone, needed me and so here I am Paige.”

“Why is your daughter like this?” Paige demands, “how is she gonna make me cry and then send somebody else to wipe my tears.”

“Well I can leave-”

“Why couldn’t she just have stayed?” the blonde questions, “why does she always have to overthink things and make it more complicated? Why can’t she just listen to her heart once in her fucking life? Why can’t she just let herself live? Why is it always no with her and never just yes?”

Katie gives Paige a sad smile, reaching for her hand, “that’s why.”

“Please don’t speak in riddles. It’s 10 a.m and I’m sad,” Paige whines. She might be in her early thirties but there’s something about Katie Fudd that makes Paige feel like it’s okay to be a bit of a child.

“Why is it always no with her and never yes?” Katie repeats, “c’mon Paige you know that’s not about last night.”

“It is,” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“It’s not,” Katie says, gently squeezing Paige’s hand, “it’s about her saying no 8 years ago.”

“I’m ov-” Paige stops, withering under Katie’s glare, “okay maybe it’s a little bit about her saying no 8 years ago. But I’m allowed to still be upset about it. She broke my heart. I wanted forever and she walked away. I’m allowed to be mad about that.”

“Of course you’re allowed to be mad Paige but that’s exactly why Azzi had to go this morning. And it’s exactly why you shouldn’t have asked her to stay last night. You guys can’t just pretend none of it happened because it did. You’re still hurt Paige and ignoring that is gonna get you guys nowhere. Especially with Stephie involved.”

“So what are you saying? You’re saying me and Azzi should just be teammates? You’re saying I should just never see Stephie again,” even the thought of it makes Paige feel like she is laying down on a bed of thorns. 

“You’re so goddamn dramatic Bueckers,” Katie rolls her eyes, “I’m not saying any of that. I’m saying maybe you just need to take it slower, with both of them, instead of having a goddamn sleepover the literal first night you’re in the same city. Besides,” Katie gives her a knowing smirk, “my granddaughter is obsessed with her Miss Buecks. Pretty sure she’d find a way to see you again no matter what.”

“Good,” Paige lets out her first smile of the day, “because I’d find a way to see her again too. She just- she’s kinda great isn’t she? Azzi did a good job with that one. She’s- she’s perfect,” she looks at Katie who’s regarding Paige with a thoughtful expression, “what? Do I have donut glaze on my face?”

“No, no it just- I’ve seen that expression before.”

“What expression?”

“The one you just had on your face while talking about Stephie,” Katie laughs to herself, “it’s the same one Tim had when he first met Azzi.”

***

“Oh my god. It’s Paige Bueckers. Can I have your autograph?” Steph Curry winks at Paige as she walks into his office. The Golden State legend had started an after-school basketball camp for kids in the Bay Area and as soon as he’d heard the news of Paige coming over to the Valkyries, he’d messaged her if she’d be interested in helping him out in the off-season. Paige had been more than willing to be a part of it, always invested in giving back to her community. If she’d been excited by the idea before though, today, after the worst sleep of her night as she tossed and turned to the hopeless depression of not having spoken to Stephie and Azzi for far too long, Paige really needed this distraction. 

“Don’t think you can afford my autograph,” Paige smirks lazily as she basically droops into the seat opposite him. 

Steph laughs goodnaturedly, “welcome to the Bay Area kid.”

“I’m a little old to be called a kid don’t you think? I’m nearly 25,” Paige grins, wiggling her eyebrows.. 

Steph shakes his head, “nah you’re always gonna be a kid to me. You and Azzi both,” he chuckles to himself, “even though Azzi’s got her own kid now. Have you met her?”

Well that distraction lasted 30 seconds, Paige thinks to herself as she forces a smile onto her face, “yeah. I’ve seen her around.”

“She’s cute as hell right? And she knows it. Little miss bossy pants has everyone wrapped around her fingers. Kinda reminds me of Riley,” there’s a goofy expression as Steph thinks of his daughter and Paige wonders if the same one is reflected on her face as she thinks about Stephie, “and she’s a natural at basketball. Only five and her shot’s already pretty good. You’ll see it today when she comes to camp. And she’s pretty good at defense-”

“I’m sorry what?” Paige blinks rapidly. 

“I know. What defense can a 5 year old play but it’s just the way she moves you know?” Steph tries to explain and Paige shakes her head. 

“Not that. Stephie- Stephie’s coming to camp?”

Steph grins large and proud, “of course she is. She was the first camper I signed.”

“Right,” Paige nods, giving the man in front of her a tight smile, “can you- can you excuse me for one second.”

As soon as Paige is outside of Steph’s earshot, she’s calling Katie; Katie who had sat at her kitchen counter yesterday and listened with a smile as Paige told her all about Steph’s camp. Katie who hadn’t said one word about Stephie being a part of said camp. Katie who was maybe grinning just a little too hard at the idea. 

“Did you know Stephie goes to Curry Camp?” Paige asks as soon as the line connects. 

“Hi Katie. Hi Paige. How was your day? Oh mine was good Paige, thanks for asking, how was yours?” Katie replies sarcastically. 

“Katie,” Paige groans. 

“Did I know that my granddaughter goes to her godfather’s special camp for the sport that her mother plays and she’s obsessed with?” Katie says slowly and Paige can tell she’s holding back a laugh, “nope, didn’t have a clue. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And ruin the surprise?”

“What happened to telling me to take things slow?” Paige hisses. 

“Well if I left the two of you two to your own devices y’all wouldn’t go slow, you wouldn’t even move at all,” Katie defends. 

“So you’re meddling?”

“I am not,” Katie protests, “you were always gonna help with the camp and Stephie’s already been going to the camp. I just didn’t let you stress out about it. Really you should be thanking me.”

“Thank you Katie,” Paige bites out mockingly. 

“You’re so very welcome Paige,” Katie sing-songs, “by the way, come over for dinner soon okay sweetheart. Love you honey. See you later darling.”

She hangs up before Paige can say anything and the blonde saunters back into Steph’s office, trying to corral her facial expression into something more neutral. 

“All good?” Steph asks. 

“Just peachy,” Paige hums in response, “we gonna head over to the court soon? It’s almost 4.”

Steph nods, “yeah they’ll be done setting up for us. Azzi usually brings Stephie to say hi to me right before cause no favoritism in front of the other kids you know? But maybe she’s running la- oh no wait there they are!”

Paige freezes, heartbeat erratic, as Steph walks to the door in anticipation. 

“UNCLE TWIN,” Stephie screams and something in Paige’s heart starts to fix itself at the sound of the younger girl’s voice. She’s scared to turn around, unsure if she’s more scared to realize it’s a dream or find out that it’s reality. 

“TWIN NIECE,” Steph yells back with equal vigor and Paige can hear Azzi’s laugh now too, each giggle acting like a needle, stitching up the parts of Paige that had felt broken since yesterday morning. She turns around deliberately slowly. Stephie is cradled in Steph’s arms and Azzi’s watching them with a fond smile. And it’s ridiculous to be jealous of a happily married man who’s practically Azzi’s brother if not her uncle, but the sense of that should be me, weighs heavily on Paige’s lungs anyways. 

It’s Azzi who sees her first, smile slowly fading as dark brown eyes clash with light blue ones. 

“Paige,” she whispers softly and there’s a multitude of undecipherable emotions wrapped in that one syllable and Paige thinks she could spend forever just trying to uncover them. 

Stephie’s ear perks up at the mention of Paige’s name as her own little eyes finally land on the blonde, shuffling her feet nervously in the corner. Her bottom lip trembles, eyes watering as she forces herself down from Steph’s lap, racing to Paige. It’s instinct the way Paige falls to her knees, ready to catch the bundle of limps that practically falls into her waiting arms. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers, “I missed you so much.”

Paige’s own eyes water as she buries her face in Stephie’s hair, “me too sweetheart. I missed you so, so, so much.”

In front of them, Steph looks beyond confused as to what's happening and Azzi’s determinedly looking away, even if there’s a lone tear waterfalling down her left cheek. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Stephie confesses, voice choked up as she tightens her grip on Paige’s neck, “and I begged and I begged Mama to let me call you but she said you were busy. And then I yelled at Mama and it made Mama cry too and I hate making Mama cry.”

“I know. I know sweetheart,” Paige soothes softly, running her hands down Stephie’s back as the little girl continues to babble. They stay like that for a long time and Paige thinks if she could ask the world for one thing that doesn’t belong to her, she’d ask for Stephie. 

Finally Steph coughs, looking apprehensively between the three girls in the room, “so um- I take it you’ve more than just seen Stephie around then Paige?”

Paige lets out a watery laugh, finally letting Stephie go and turning around but still keeping a hand on Stephie’s shoulder, “yeah I guess that’s true.”

“What are you doing here Miss Buecks,” Stephie asks, looking up at Paige. 

“I’m uh- well Mr. Steph-”

“Uncle Twin,” Stephie corrects immediately and Paige can’t help but grin at the nickname. 

“Right. Uncle Twin asked me to be a coach at his camp and I agreed,” Paige explains, trying to catch Azzi’s eyes but the shooting guard seems determined to focus on a picture of Steph and Ayesha on the wall instead. 

“You’re gonna be my coach,” Stephie squeals, turning around to hug Paige’s knees, “this is the best news of my life.”

Paige feels her heart soar into a sky of you’re the best new of my life Stephie as she bends down to kiss Stephie forehead, “let’s see if you say that when I make you run laps after you miss a shot.”

“You wouldn’t?” Stephie says, looking horrified at the idea. 

“I totally would,” Paige teases. 

Stephie is quiet for a second before a proud smirk blooms on her lips, “that’s okay ‘cause I don’t miss. I’m Azzi Fudd’s daughter. Right Mama?”

“Right baby,” Azzi says, finally letting herself meet Paige’s gaze. 

“Well Miss-I-Don’t-Miss, how about you walk over to the court and show us how you don’t miss,” Steph teases. 

Stephie waddles out of Paige’s grip and holds her arms up at Steph, a saccharine smile on her face,“I can’t be tired if I don’t wanna miss Uncle Twin, so can you please carry me over there?”

Steph rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop him from hoisting Stephie onto his shoulders, “alright your highness, let’s go.”

Stephie’s giggles echoe down the hall as Steph runs towards the courts and Paige can’t help the fond laugh that escapes her. 

“She gets that from you, you know,” Paige says softly to Azzi. 

“Gets what?”

“Being a princess who gets everything she wants.”

“Not everything,” Azzi says wistfully, “not everything I want.”

She moves to start following but Paige wraps a hand around her wrist, “I didn’t know Stephie was a part of Curry Camp. I swear I- I didn’t do this on purpose.”

Azzi sighs, “I know. I know you wouldn’t Paige.”

“And I- I wanted to thank you for sending your Mom yesterday. I really- I really did need it even if I didn’t know it,” Paige’s thumb subconsciously rubs against Azzi’s skin, “but you- you always seem to know what I need.”

Azzi rips her hand out from Paige's grip, “you’re doing it again.”

“I’m not-”

“Yes you are. You keep saying things like that- things you shouldn’t say- things I can’t just listen to and be okay,” Azzi brushes her hand against her face, “I know the way I left yesterday was wrong and maybe I was projecting,” she admits in a whisper, “but you just- you make me feel too fucking much. And it's too quick and it’s scares me.”

“Scares you?” Paige scoffs, “I’m not the one who broke your heart Azzi.”

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I’ve lived with that guilt for the last 8 years? Jesus fucking christ Paige. I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of me,” tears stream down Azzi’s face as she paces the room, “I have never heard Stephie cry so fucking much in my life Paige. And you know who did that to her? Me, I did that. Apparently I’m really fucking good at making people cry but I don’t want to. I don’t want to break her heart, I don’t want to break your heart and I don’t want to break my own heart. Not again.”

“Azzi-”

“And so I’m stopping it before it happens. Before I ruin it again.”

Azzi tries to leave again but Paige is faster, wrapping her arms around the younger woman’s waist and pulling her flush against her chest so she can’t escape. It’s a terrible idea because now all of her senses are consumed by Azzi as they both become acutely aware of how close they are now. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers weakly, one hand pressed right against Paige’s heart, “let me go.”

“I think today’s the right time,” Paige says softly, hands grazing Azzi’s waist, “I asked you a question once and you said one day, when the time was right, you’d give me an answer. It’s the right time.”

“I don’t think so-”

“Azzi please,” Paige begs, “do you regret saying no?”

“Paige let me go,” Azzi wriggles against her grip but it only makes Paige tighten her hold. 

“It’s a simple yes or no question.’

“Stephie’s probably wondering where we are-”

“Then answer the damn question and we can go to her-”

“Paige please.”

“Answer the fucking question Azzi.”

“What do you want me to say?” Azzi bursts out finally, “you want me to say that I’ve never regretted anything more in my life? You want me to say the minute I said no, I wanted to rip out my tongue? You want me to say that I almost called you several times in the last decade to tell you how stupid I was? You want me to say that I flew to Dallas once to tell you that I fucked up but then I saw you with Olivia and decided you deserved better than me-”

“What?”  Paige feels the air being snatched from her lungs. 

“The answer to your stupid fucking question,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “is yes. Yes I regret saying no to you Paige. But it doesn’t matter. Because I said no and you found someone else who’d say yes and now it’s too late.”

And Paige thinks that Katie was probably right, that she should probably take things slow. But when it comes to Azzi Fudd, Paige Bueckers has never been one to do what she should. 

“It’s never too late for us,” Paige whispers before crashing her lips against the woman, who’s always been the reason for her biggest, brightest, most real smile.

[carminecherry]

THE LAST TRAIN | mikey sano

this is part two of the series kill the lights

⇝ PAIRING: timeskip!biker!mikey sano x fem!reader

⇝ SERIES SYNOPSIS: after moving by yourself to tokyo, you black out at a party and wake up with a new friend. as she sweeps you up in her fast-paced city life, you feel yourself falling deeper and deeper for her mysterious brother. but something dark is brewing in the city. as his past threatens to resurface, mikey must fight not only physical enemies but the mental battle of his feelings for you. he can't resist you , but could he ever forgive himself if something happened to you? he'll love you selfishly and protect you savagely.

⇝ PART TWO LENGTH: 7.5k words

⇝ PART TWO WARNINGS: Alcohol, suggestive content (18+ minors do not interact):

all characters are 20+; Alternate Universe! Canon Divergent. a friend from university invites you to his house party. as the drinks flow, you slip into a pleasant buzz. that is until a particular masked man makes his appearance, unveiling himself.

⇝ AUTHOR'S NOTE: some world building and character introductions. I upload to AO3 first and i'm slowly but surely cross posting here. iiif you can't wait and want more, check out my AO3. more chapters coming soon! keep an eye on the tags and stay safe! <3

DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS WORK IF YOU ARE A MINOR. BY CLICKING THE READMORE, YOU CONSENT TO VIEWING ADULT CONTENT.

You glanced over at your illuminated phone screen, soapy dinner dishes in hand and a podcast playing over your headphones. The name flashing on your screen made the corners of your mouth turn up. You and Yuuki had been chatting a little more here and there. The tone of your conversations confirmed your sense that this was purely friendship with no nuance or hidden intention. Not overthinking the messages anymore allowed you to relax. You rinsed the bubbles from your hands and wiped them on your work pants.

Unlocking your phone, the message read, 

“Party tomorrow night starting @9:00. Bring something to share.” 

You liked his message, sliding over to your calendar app to put in the details. You typed up a quick message to Emma, 

“Hey, are you going to Yuuki’s party?” 

As you were typing, a bubble with 3 dots appeared from Emma’s side. You hit send right as you received a message from Emma saying, 

“Yuuki’s tomorrow night?” 

You cracked a smile, happy the two of you were on the same page. You liked each other’s messages in confirmation.

Tomorrow was Friday, the welcome end to a very long week. The bookstore and cafe were enough to make ends meet but business was slow. Moreover, you were trying your damnedest to get a job as an interior designer. The competition in the city was fierce and your sanity and sleep were suffering. One more rejection letter might tip you over the edge.

As long as the bills are paid on time you could push through. You slid out of your work clothes, discarding the garments into the washing machine. Pulling on a light summer night set, it took the remainder of your energy to perform your skincare routine and brush your teeth. You practically fell into bed, the promise of a party conjuring imaginative scenarios in your mind as you drifted off to sleep.

***

Work had been uneventful. This was arguably worse as it meant you had been counting down the minutes until you could clock out. You had spent hours listlessly tapping on the counter with your nails. It had been a solo shift which meant you didn’t have anyone to keep you company.

You had a bad habit of getting lost in your imagination, your attention swallowed up in the pages of whatever book caught your attention.  A few uncomfortable conversations with your coworker Shinji about “ignoring customers” had left you feeling uneasy about reading on the clock. Luckily you were working the book-side of the shop today which meant you could leave work after counting the drawer and locking up. 

The minutes ticked down and the shop remained empty. You practically cartwheeled over to the door to flip the sign to “closed.” With trained fingers you count down the drawer; perfectly even. You shouted a farewell to the barista as she mopped the cafe floor. Pausing, she waved goodbye and you were on your way out. She’s a new hire and you had wanted to chat with her during the shift but had stayed dutifully at your counter. 

You had made it home in record time to change and freshen up your makeup. Last time you had felt underdressed, so you decided you wanted to show up and show out tonight. Yuuki’s a fashion guy so why the hell not. You check your outfit and makeup one last time and then you’re hustling out of the door. 

You stopped at the convenience store outside of the station and bought your “something to share”. Or, in this case, things to share. Hopefully a bottle of Jack and a 2L of Diet Coke would suit everyone’s taste. You cradle the bottles in your arms and make the train ride to Yuuki’s apartment in the city. You do your best to ignore the eyes on you, at least you’re giving them something to look at.

It only takes 20 minutes before you’re being buzzed into Yuuki’s building and riding the smooth elevator up 15 floors. There’s no mystery about which room is his. A pulsing beat is already vibrating the walls and sleek black door situated at the end of the hall. You wondered if there would be any noise complaints from the neighbors before banishing the thought from your mind. Tonight is about letting loose and relieving stress, not being the fun police. Tonight, it’s not your problem. 

You move to adjust the bottles to one arm, freeing up a hand to knock on the door. Before your knuckles make contact it swings open, startling you. A large figure is backing out, calling back to the guests already inside. At full height, your head reaches just between his shoulders. Broad shoulders that were rapidly on a collision course with your face. 

“So, two more 6 packs, some more bags of ice, and- Oh!” He dodges you at the last minute as you sidestep straight into the wall; a failed attempt to move out of his way. “Hey, sorry about that.” He steps back to give you more room. He’s even taller when he faces you. Long, silky, black hair thrown up in a messy updo. His eyes are sharp and a unique rusty-brown color that are highlighted by his thick, dark lashes. The man knew how to dress too.

He moves again to hold the door for you as you try to play off your wall collision. Before you can enter, another man casually strolls through the open door, “If you think too hard you might hurt yourself, B. I’ve got the list; you just need to carry everything.” The dark-haired man, “B”, makes a face at the figure who stands a couple inches shorter than him. 

His hair is bleached in chunks and styled with a slight wave. It’s one of those trendy, choppy haircuts that only a small percent of the population can pull off successfully. It makes him look like a vogue model. Which he could be. This man is pretty. His features are softer than the other’s. He has plump lips, round cheeks, but his eyes were the most captivating. They were large and an interesting shade of yellow-hazel. A perfect beauty mark under his left eye. Despite his cherubic features there was a deviousness to those eyes. Another hint that he may not be as angelic as he appears is the massive neck tattoo peeking out of the collar of his shirt.

“You’re paying though, Kazu, and I expect a tip.” B sneered. His canines have a sharp snaggle to them that is unique and… Attractive. “I always tip the help.” Kazu responded nonchalantly before he turned those eyes to you, looking you up and down obviously. “Get out of the way so she can go in.” B says, pulling his companion from the doorway. 

“Sorry about him, I guess you can’t buy manners.” B quips to you, earning him an elbow to the ribs from Kazu. You make your best attempt at a natural smile and manage, “It’s all good, thanks.” You duck into the party, a little out of your element after seeing such good-looking men.

You hear, “Who is she ?” in a not-quite whisper between the pair as they walk from the closing door. The intended meaning of the comment is not clear and acts as a big motivator to get a tall glass of literally anything ASAP. 

The apartment is cast in low mood lights set to smoothly fade to the beat of the music. There was a haziness to the air. Did he have a smoke machine or something? If you didn’t know any better, you’d think you were at a high-end club and not a college buddy’s house party.

You make your way into the spacious living room that is already thrumming with bodies. You set your “somethings” on the table and pull out your phone to send a quick message to Emma about her ETA, social anxiety already sinking its claws into you. Before you can hit send, two hands clap down on your shoulders.

“BOO!” Emma exclaims as you whip around to face her, startled for the second time that evening. She laughs, “She’s so cute when she’s scared.” Tossing the comment over her shoulder to the man standing behind her. Draken, the biker from the other day, her boyfriend. His features are hard to read but you notice a slight tick upwards at the corner of his mouth. 

In a flurry, Emma is on you, pulling you into a big hug and spinning you around. “It’s so good to see you again! Thank god you’re here, it was turning into a total sausage fest.” She pouts, pushing you to arms length. “It’s good to see you too.” You smile. She looks you up and down, surveying your outfit before giving you two thumbs up and mouthing, ‘you look great! Wow!’.  You return the compliment with  dramatic hand movements to indicate she , in fact, is the one who looks great.  

You lean conspiratorially towards her, a glint in your eye, “Speaking of sausage fest, I just saw two absolute SMOKESHOWS when I came in!” You say in an excited whisper. The gossipy tone that can only be achieved between women. Draken chokes a bit on his drink and turns away from the two of you. His reaction draws your attention before Emma’s twinkling laugh brings it back to her. 

Grabbing you by the arm and swaying with you she laughs out, “Don’t let them hear you say that~ Their heads will get too big. I guess it’d be fine if it’s Baji, but Kazu is already insufferable.” Your eyes go wide, “Wait! Do you know them?! Uhg of course you do” You bring your hand to your head. “When will it be my turn?” you whine with faux drama. “God is so unfair in the gifts he gives to his children.” Emma gives your arm a few playful slaps leaning into you while stifling a laugh, the action drawing the gaze of a few of the other party-goers. 

Draken further turns his back to the two of you and you notice a slight bounce in his shoulders. “You have to stop. It’s too early and I’m too sober.” Emma manages. “Come on, let’s get a drink.” With that, she guides you to the refreshments table and sets to pouring two drinks.

Living in the city, you have gotten used to seeing more beautiful people than in the suburbs. But as you scanned the room, Yuuki’s apartment looked more like a runway show than a “bring something to share” house party. You thank yourself for taking the extra time to get dressed up. The extra eyes on you during your train ride had been worth it. Fears of being overdressed swiftly quelled. Emma gave a quick speech about friendship. A plastic tap of your cup as a ‘cheers’ and you're bringing the drink to your lips. 

You have to hold back a fully-body shiver as what smells like a fruity drink tastes like straight strawberry vodka. You swallow hard, the drink making your throat and chest feel warm. You turn to look at Emma who is sipping her drink like juice. You brave a few more sips before looking into your cup. You already feel like you’re getting buzzed and you gauged the remainder would spell your death. You actually want to remember tonight. 

You attempt to discreetly set your cup on the table and move to pour your own drink.  But Emma quickly notices and boos quietly at your mixology, You make your way back to the pair, a more reasonably portioned Jack and Coke in hand. 

“Not a fan of Strawberry Absolut?” Draken offers as you rejoin them. Surprised to hear the stoic man engage you first, you reply in a voice slightly too loud, “Not a fan of not remembering things.” Responding with a nod the man picks up your abandoned cup, pouring it into his. He takes a big sip and in your mind you say a silent prayer for him. Given his size, he’d probably be okay. 

Emma jumps in with a pout, “Well I LOVE strawberry Absolut. What even is that?” She asks tapping the rim of her cup to yours. “It’s a Jack and Coke.” To which she scoffs, “That’s like an old man drink.” “At least it’s a drink and not one big shot.” you quip back to which she takes an exaggeratedly big swig of her drink. The three of you chat there for a while. Your cup empties as time fades in and out like the party lights casting the walls with shadows and silhouettes. After bottoming out, you refill your drink. 

On your way back to the pair you survey the room again, the crowd growing in the time since you’d arrived. Emma’s attention moves with yours. “Say, do you know anyone else here?” you ask. Her eyes scanned the crowd, “Hmmm, most of these people are posers hoping to rub shoulders with actual cool people.” Emma’s candid take almost had you spitting your drink out of your nose. You have difficulty imagining these model-level gorgeous men and women, most of which are dressed head-to-toe in designer clothes, as posers. 

They carried themselves with an air of confidence that made them utterly unapproachable to you. You laugh a little, appreciating her brutal honesty. Her eyes turn to you as she continues, “I really just know the boys that Mikey and Draken hang out with and Yuuki, of course. Most of these other people aren’t worth the time.” Speaking of, “Oh, is he here tonight? Mikey?” Your curiosity gets the better of you.

For the last few days your mind had wandered back to the dark figure on his bike. The way his masked gaze had put you in a near flight or fight response. Truthfully, you were also curious what was under the helmet. If he’s related to Emma, he was sure to also be a solid 10. AND he has the biker thing going for him. The image of him in that leather jacket that had been tight in all the right places appeared in your mind; an image that you’d spend a lot of time with over the last week. As if in response to the memory, the familiar feeling of eyes locking onto you sweeps over you; as strong as the first time. The hairs on the back of your neck raise.

“He gave some half-assed reply when I told him about it earlier.” Emma shrugged, pouring herself yet another drink. “He knows it’s happening so he might show up.” You knew it though. He was here. As if on cue, you turn to face the now open apartment door. Three figures filled its frame. The taller figure, Baji, carried three heavy looking bags and was shoving the smaller figure, Kazu, who was noticeably carrying nothing. Kazu seemed to spit back an insult, his furrowed brow indicated they were bickering. The 3rd figure was slightly shorter than Baji but had a presence that made him seem larger. There was no mystery, that was Mikey.

It was your first time seeing him without his helmet on. You must say, your imagination had not done him justice. He had bleached hair like honey. His bangs are up and out of his face while the rest of his hair curved in gentle waves, ending just below his jawline. The light from the hallway trickled into the hazy apartment, casting his locks in a gilded glow. It almost looked like a halo. 

His eyes were different though. He was too far to see any real detail, but they were dark. Dark in a way that gave stark contrast to those of the pretty blonde sipping her drink next to you. What is gentle on her face is defined and sharp on his. He had a hollowness to his cheeks that made his cheekbones stand out strikingly in the low light. 

You’ve seen many beautiful people in your life, more after moving to the city. Fuck, half of them you see in this room tonight. But there was something special about him. He stood in front of the pair, his eyes locked with yours as he stepped through the threshold. 

Yuuki appeared as if conjured from thin air and brought Mikey in for a firm handshake in greeting. You were pulled back to reality by Emma whispering over your shoulder, “Speak of the devil.” Draken leaned down to whisper something to the blonde before moving past the two of you to greet his friend. 

You turn to Emma, eyes wide. You mouth dramatically, ‘That’s your brother?!’ She rolls her eyes and rests her head on your shoulder, “For better or worse, that’s my big brother. I’m kind of surprised he came.” You adjust to offer the softer part of your shoulder to her, turning your gaze back to the group that just entered. You jump slightly as you lock eyes with Mikey once more, your heart flutters and you quickly break eye contact, cheeks warming at being caught. 

She pulls back at the movement. Her honey eyes scanning you with an intensity, you note, she and her brother share. A devious glint appears in her eyes, a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. She turns from you with intent and pours a tall cup of, you lean slightly to see. Yup, straight Absolut Strawberry vodka over ice. She tops her cup off as well before she turns back to you with a mischievous look, handing you the cup.

“Emma, please, you’re going to kill me. I feel my organs shutting down.” you whine. “Go give it to Mikey. Like me, he has excellent taste. I’ve gotta go to the bathroom real quick.” The sarcastic comment you were loading about her “excellent taste” disappears as you turn quickly, panic flashing across your skin. “I’ll go with you, girls’ code.” You offer. “Nah, just go, I’ll be right back.” 

She turns you by the shoulders and gives you a nudge of encouragement and thumbs up before disappearing in the crowd of bodies. Traitor. You walk towards the group of tall men. This is your worst nightmare. You distract yourself, the smell of strawberry bringing your gaze to the cup in your hand. A smile plays at your lips. If you ignored the fact it was straight vodka, the contrast of a scary biker sipping on a sweet, strawberry drink tickled the part of your brain that managed absurdist humor. 

The distance was closed too quickly. You were lost in your imagination and hadn’t game-planned anything in way of an introduction. You look up to meet the gaze of Mikey. You stood there, frozen. The conversation of the group fizzling out around you. You feel eyes on you and your face begins to heat. You extend a cup to him. Realizing it’s the wrong cup you quickly withdraw and extend the other, splashing a bit of liquid out with the too-quick motion. Anxiety is clawing at your chest.

He looks from you to the cup and back to you. You realize how odd it must be to be offered a drink with no way of introduction. You attempt, “Emma…” You clear your throat. “This is from Emma...” You’re drowning. At this point you can feel you’re beet red. Yuuki steps in, placing a hand on your shoulder and with a laugh he supplies, “This is my friend, Y/N. We went to university together. She just moved back to the city.” Bless him. Baji jumps in first, volunteering, “I’m Baji, it’s nice to meet you.” He seems polite, sweet despite his appearance; towering stature, sharp features and all. 

“Kazutora, but cute girls like you can call me Kazu.” he says, leaning in to invade your bubble slightly. What a flirt. “Don’t be a dick, K.” Baji says, putting out an arm to push Kazutora back to a standing position. Sensing tension forming between the two, you offer, “It’s nice to meet you two.” “It seems you already know Draken.” Yuuki continues. Draken tilts his cup in acknowledgement. “Mikey.” the final figure states, taking the drink from your hand to finalize the introduction. 

Yuuki clocks the beverage immediately and offers, “How about we get you something nicer. I’ve been saving some Patron for the night you finally made it to one of my little parties.” He gestures dismissively to the sea of bodies behind him. Little party? You survey the room to confirm he was in fact talking about this full blown rager. How humble of him you think, sipping your drink. “This will do.” Mikey says with a definite tone, signaling the end of discussion. He takes a sip from the cup like it’s water and not straight liquor. These siblings are built differently. 

Speaking of, Emma appears behind Mikey and jumps on his back in a sneak attack hug. “Heeeeyyyy Miiiiikeeeeyyyy~” She drawls. His face softens in a flash and you see the resemblance more clearly. Now that you’re closer you can get a better look. His lips have sharp corners with a fullness like his sister’s. His eyes are different though, his are more angled and a slightly deeper shade like whiskey or amber. They share the same thick lashes though. He catches you staring again and you flick your gaze to the left, only to see Draken who eyes you in a knowing way. You avert your gaze to the safety of your cup. 

Mikey swings his sister around to set her down in front of him. “Hey, Em. Good to see you’re having fun.” She nods enthusiastically. Finding Draken without looking, she leans back into his tall figure. He drapes his arms over her before saying, “Y/N works at that old cafe we used to kick it at.” This causes a stir in the group.

“Oh no way! How nostalgic.” Baji says. “Huh, I thought they closed that place after what happened.” Kazutora said in a puzzled tone. “Seems like they rebuilt and renovated. They even added a bookstore.” Draken offered. This seemed to satisfy the former who shrugged, “Hopefully it’s less of a dump in that case.” This comment earned him a slap to the chest from Baji. Kazutora turned his eyes to you, “No offense.” You wave a hand in a ‘none taken’ motion. “It was rustic ” Baji said, lacing the word venomously. You get the impression this was an argument they’ve had before. “More like rusty I felt like I needed a tetanus shot every time we went.” Kazutora bit back. 

There was a lot to unpack. This was the first time you heard any history about the cafe. Admittedly, you chose to work there purely on vibes and the fact the hourly rate was above average. Your nosy side wanted to know more. “What happened there?” You ask innocently. All eyes turned to Mikey conspicuously. Maybe the question wasn’t as innocuous as you thought. 

Mikey shrugged, “There was an incident. The place was nearly torn to the ground afterwards. I’m glad to hear they could rebuild and salvage.” It was a non-answer with no real points to ask follow-up questions without giving away your nosiness. The delivery was also not one that left anything up for discussion. You simply nod, shoving the prodding questions down.

Emma piped in, eyes closed, “We should go back~ For old times sake~” Her words were blending together. Her drink must be hitting her harder than she anticipated. Mikey gave Draken a look which was returned with a nod. Wordlessly, Draken took the drink dangling from Emma’s hand which earned him some soft booing before Emma resigned herself to snuggling into his arms. You chimed in with, “If you come when I’m working I’ll sneak you guys some cafe goodies.” 

“How long do you plan to work there?” Yuuki asked, pulling you out of a daydream of the attractive group lounging in the cafe. A harmless enough question, but you felt a sudden wave of self-consciousness. You had momentarily forgotten where you were; this chic apartment packed with beautiful, rich people. Your gaze dropped to the floor as you replied, “Oh, you know. Until I can get a foot in the door at a company.” You realize you’re being vague, but you didn't want to risk betraying how lost you really felt. 

“You’ve got a show coming up, right?” You masterfully change the topic, shifting the spotlight to Yuuki. “Yeah, I’m working on the Autumn collection now.” Yuuki says, rubbing the back of his neck, telling the group more of the details as they engage him. Happy to have succeeded in avoiding that uncomfortable line of questioning, you look around, taking everyone in. Baji and Kazutora dip out of the conversation and seem to be bickering about something new on their phones, too quietly for you to pick up. 

Yuuki draws your attention again with a sweet smile. He says, “You should come.” You blink, nodding a ‘yes’, not entirely sure what you’ve agreed to. “Typical, Yuuki. Only inviting cute girls.” Kazutora teases, rejoining the conversation. You peer past him to see Baji pacing near the door, his phone pressed to his ear. 

Yuuki claps back at the accusation, “I’d invite you, but no doubt you’d end up acting like a damn dog.” “I’ll be good.” Kazutora whines playfully. “Ask Mitsuya then.” Yuuki dismisses, smirking at Kazu. Kazutora pouts. In that moment Emma lurches from Draken’s arms and throws up directly into the pot of a neatly pruned house plant. In a heartbeat, Draken is next to her, holding her hair back, eyebrows knitted in concern. Nearby party guests turn to see what’s happening. 

“Damn, Em, party foul.” Kazutora whoops sarcastically. Mikey gives him an icy glare that shuts Kazutora right up. Baji appears behind Mikey and whispers something in his ear. Mikey turns to respond and points between Kazutora and Baji, clearly giving some instruction before the pair are making a swift exit. Baji throws over his shoulder, “Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Kazutora simply winks at you as the door shuts behind them.

You wave absently at the closed door before you hear a weak, “Y/N~.” You turn quickly and kneel on the other side of the pretty blonde, still hunched over the expensive-looking pot. You rub small circles into her back. Feeling like you’ve sobered up slightly. She turns to you and cutely says, “Oops.” You can smell the strawberry liquor on her breath. You let out a small laugh and look at Draken. 

“Alright babe, I think it’s time for us to get home.” He says in a voice as soft as velvet. “Nooooo~” She protests. “I wanna stay with Y/N~ The night is yooooung~” He scoops her up. She nuzzles her head into the crook of his neck, mumbling something incoherent. He whispers in a soothing voice, “I know, baby. I know” before standing.

He turns to Mikey and they share a look. He offers to Yuuki, “Sorry about your plant. I’ll take care of it.” Yuuki brushes it off, “Don’t worry about it. I’ve seen my fair share of party fouls and this doesn’t even make the list.” “I can attest to that.” You add, hoping to ease any guilt Emma may be feeling. 

Her bobbing head and lazy smile give you the sense that she doesn’t have a care in the world. Draken stoops slightly to whisper something to Mikey who simply nods. With that, Draken carries a very sweet, very drunk Emma from the apartment. Before the door closes, Emma peeks her head over Draken’s shoulder and waves a goodbye to you. 

Everything had happened so fast, your senses dulled by the alcohol. It’s then that you realize your group of seven had dwindled to three. You turn just in time to see Mikey slide something into Yuuki’s pocket. You look at your friend with curious eyes. Yuuki’s laugh is strained but he takes no action to challenge the man before him. You see movement in the distance and notice a guest flagging Yuuki down. Your heart jumps into your throat as Yuuki too notices the man. 

 Yuuki welcomes the distraction. And with a, “thanks for coming, enjoy the party you two” is making his way across the room. You stand there, feeling abandoned. You chance a glance at the tall blonde standing next to you. He notices. Your mind goes blank. He holds you captive under his gaze. As if reading your mind and finding it empty, Mikey finally breaks the silence with, “Let’s sit down.” You blink, coming back to yourself. “Oh, I don’t think there’s any-” But Mikey is already on the move. 

The crowd of people naturally parts for him. He caught the eye of some guests but stares were quickly withdrawn. You trailed after him, grateful that you didn't have to elbow your way through the crowd. An edge of claustrophobia made a bid for attention in your fuzzy brain as the mass of bodies closed behind you. 

Absorbing the two of you and cutting off your way back to the door. Mikey stops abruptly, causing you to bump into his back. His back is muscular, like walking straight into a wall. You maneuver your cup to avoid a spill. He doesn’t seem to register the collision. His head turns to scan the room, locking onto something in the distance. And he’s off again, forcing you to quicken your pace to catch up.  

The crowd parts to reveal an elegant lounge sofa. The pair sitting nearest to you were deep in their flirtations. The woman is in a revealing cobalt satin dress, a dramatic slit trailing up her leg to end at her hip. Her long, chocolate hair falling in a curtain around her and her partner’s face. She’s sitting in the lap of a well-groomed man. He’s wearing a dark patterned suit and a black button-down shirt, though most of the buttons are already undone. 

The man’s hand rested high up on the woman’s leg, kneading small circles into the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. One of her hands was stroking a pattern into the silky material barely covering his chest, the other running through his short, dyed blue hair. He has an interesting design shaved into the side of his head that her fingers trace absently. It started at the temple and twisted behind an ear punctuated by several piercings. Their faces barely inches apart, conversation clearly hot and heavy. 

The PDA makes your face feel warm and you look away. Getting the feeling you were invading their privacy. Though, this didn’t seem to bother Mikey who stood, unmoving, over the couple. Perhaps noticing the shift in energy, the man’s gaze is ripped from the woman on his lap. Immediately the man is on his feet, moving to hold the woman close to his side. She seems confused, but what objections may have been spoken die when she sees the blonde man before her. 

“Mikey! I didn’t know you’d be here. It’s good to see you m-man.” The man spoke quickly, stumbling over the end of his statement as his eyes swept over you. Mikey sized the two of them up. You couldn’t help but notice how the woman adjusts herself under his gaze, angling to give a better view of her chest to the blonde. 

Her boldness surprises you, given she has the arm of the handsome man whose bones she was about to jump still wrapped around her waist. You weren’t the only one to notice, as the grip around her waist tightened. Her mouth twitched mischievously, as if a goal had secretly been accomplished. 

“Hakkai.” the blonde responded with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Turning his sole focus to the man. You too looked at him, his eyes a pretty shade of blue. He has thick lower lashes that are heavy and give him a permanently sleepy look. You wondered if he had dyed his hair to perfectly match his irises on purpose. You see now that he has a large scar over the right side of his mouth that twists slightly as he talks. The scar took nothing away from his handsomeness. If anything it made his appearance unique, hotter.

The man, Hakkai, smiled sheepishly. “Here, have a seat.” Offering him the spot he had just occupied. “We’re actually going to head out.” He says leaning into the woman at his side suggestively. At this, the woman stops undressing Mikey with her eyes and returns her attention to the blue-haired man, giving him a sultry laugh. Mikey’s face is unreadable. 

The couple walk around Mikey who doesn’t move for them. The woman brushes against him and in a voice dripping with honey says, “Bye bye, Mikey.” He doesn’t acknowledge the advance. Instead, turning to Hakkai, “Monday.” He says, emotionless. The other man freezes, “Monday.” He confirms, not meeting Mikey’s eyes. With this, Mikey nods and waves them off. The pair disappear in the crowd. Mikey sinks into the plush sofa, brushing off the parts of his body the woman had touched. Seeing you still standing, he pats the spot next to him. You sit, eager to split from the crowd, head spinning with questions. 

You run your hands over the lush velvet to calm yourself, taking in the room from your seated position. The modern lighting fixtures, not currently in use, hang high on the lofted ceiling. The dark furniture devoured what little illumination was being cast from the party lights. The silver accents twinkled prettily. 

You scanned the bodies in the crowd, form fitting suits and dresses with the occasional designer logo popping out of the mass. Your gaze drifted to your left, meeting a pair of amber eyes now alarmingly close to your face. You hadn’t realized you were swaying, leaning into the warmth of the body next to you. You snap back to reality, the proximity causing you to abruptly lean back. Some of the brown liquid spilling from your cup . “You’re pretty clumsy, huh.” He commented. “Yeah, and you have a staring problem.” You quipped back. The silence that followed signaled the lighthearted nature of your jab hadn’t landed.

You busied yourself, drying off your lap. By some miracle you managed not to get any liquid on the sofa that surely cost a month or two of your rent. “So… Bookstore.” “So… Bikes.” The dry statements hung in the air. You offer, “So, I don’t know anything about bikes. Do you like, maintain it yourself?” “Yeah, something like that…” He replies. The silence that follows makes you squirm. 

You feel like the undulating mass of people is about to swallow you whole. Reaching your limit, you rise, “...Well, it was nice to meet you... I hope Emma feels better. I’d better leave if I’m going to catch the last train.” You lie. You hadn’t checked the time for awhile. If you were more sober, this fact would have worried you. 

“I like bikes.” Mikey says. “…That’s nice.” you reply, shifting your weight between your feet. “Working on something, building it from nothing with your hands. It’s nice to have control that way. When something breaks, I know I can fix it. If I mess it up, I know it’s my fault.” He says thoughtfully. You return to your seat, Mikey’s crumb of vulnerability being snatched up. 

“So, how long have you been into them, bikes?” He pauses, responding, “I guess since middle school.” It takes a moment for you to key into the math, “And what got you into them?” “My brother did.” A hollowness to his voice. “Oh, that’s cute.” The word was one that rarely described him. “Cute?” He repeats. 

“Yeah, I don’t know, I guess I’m like picturing you playing with motorcycle figures or something.” “Not figures. I started riding when I was in middle school.” He says flatly. Maybe he did have a sense of humor. “So, what, were you like a 12 year old biker?” You tease. “Yes.” His tone is unchanging. “Stop playing. That’s, like, super illegal.” “Yeah, I guess it was.” He says under his breath a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “So what, were you in a little biker gang or something?” “Not little.” He said, sipping his drink. Was he being serious? The conversation petered out. 

“Well, I for one, know nothing about bikes.” You say, hoping to fan the flames a little longer. “Wanna learn?” The question caught you off guard. He hadn’t said it in a teasing way. “Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah that actually sounds really cool!” You say, excitement unmasked. To your surprise, he rises from the sofa. You look around before you mirror the action, catching up to the blonde before he’s absorbed into the crowd.

You trailed behind him like before. The beat of the music hummed pleasantly on your skin, the sensation mingling with the warmth of the liquor from your drink. You made your way to the door and let him hold it open for you as the two of you exited. 

***

Yuuki’s eyes trailed after the two figures who had surreptitiously made their exit. A silver pair matches his. The handsome man next to him hums, “How indecent, Mikey. Making us all watch your foreplay.” He teases, bringing his cup to his lips. “Is that what that was?” Yuuki asks sarcastically. The awkward interaction of his friend and the blonde not conjuring the same image as the icy-white haired man.

“If you knew him.” The man says with a smile, leaning into the body of the man next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Either way, it’ll be interesting to see how it plays out.” Yuuki leans into the man’s touch. “Indeed.” He says with a soft smile. “Back to the festivities, darling, your adoring fans await.” The white haired man says, giving Yuuki a peck on the cheek. The romantic gesture goes unnoticed by the inebriated crowd.  “They can wait a little longer, Mitsuya.” Yuuki says in a low tone, bringing a hand up to toy with the silver earring hanging from the ear of his partner, stealing a proper kiss as the party continues around them.

***

 You stood next to the tall blonde, waiting for the elevator. The cup in your hand is nearing its end, the dangers of senselessly sipping. The elevator dinged, doors sliding open to welcome you to the mirrored space. Entering, you steady yourself on the hand rail. Using the reflective surface, you check your makeup and fix some smudged eyeliner. Mikey hits the button for the ground floor. With a ‘ding’ the two of you are descending.

You turn your attention to the blonde in front of you, doing your best to be discreet, taking in the view of his back. The fabric of his shirt is thin and taut over his muscled shoulders. There is a pretty shimmer the way it catches the low light of the elevator. You see the taper of his waist and how the dress pants accentuate his long legs among other things.

 “And I’m the one with the staring problem.” You tear your gaze from his back to see him clearly watching you in the reflective surfaces of the mirrored walls. You’ve been caught yet again, red blooming across your cheeks. He snickers.

Before you can defend yourself with a snarky comeback, the doors open with another ‘ding’ on the ground floor. He strides with intention out of the sliding doors and rounds the corner. Again, you have to quicken your pace to keep up. As you turn, you see him circling the bike from the other day. It's midnight black and glossy. The shine is the only thing that gives away its presence on the unlit street. 

He sets his cup down on the barrier between the sidewalk and shrubbery. Y ou stand there, admiring the vehicle before he beckons you over. He points to the bike, “This is a motorcycle , AKA, a bike ” You blink. Is he messing with you? “This is the seat . You sit on it.” He holds up the sleek helmet and taps on the top. Drawing out the words he says, “ Hel-met .” Your jaw dropped, a wide smile spread across your face. He was messing with you.

You decide to play along, bringing your unoccupied hand to your ear, leaning towards him, “What? Hel … Sorry, one more time?” His face is stoic but you see his eyes light up. “Helmet. It protects your head. Like this.” He wrestles the safety wear over your head before you can move away. You try to fight off the headwear in vain, protesting, “No~ my hair! My makeup!” He bites back a laugh, one side of his mouth being pulled up before it’s covered by a hand. Huffing, you pull the helmet off, cradling it in your arm. You pout. “And did you really just mansplain a helmet?”

“You might want to keep it on,” he says, fighting his crooked smile. “Even if you had left earlier, the trains stopped running about an hour ago.”  He seats himself on the vehicle. “Hop on, I’ll drop you off at home.” Warning bells cut through your tipsy brain fog. You heard your parent’s voices lecturing you about the dangers of motorcycles, and strangers for that matter. As if sensing your hesitation he adds, “Emma will kill me if she finds out I left you stranded at the party. I’m sure she’ll feel bad enough already that she had to leave early. That and the hangover she’s about to have tomorrow.” 

Remembering Emma eased your nerves slightly. Nonetheless, your grip tightened, making the cheap plastic cup in your hand pop slightly from the pressure. That reminded you, “You’ve been drinking tonight, do you really think you should be driving.” With this, he rises from the bike, walking over to his discarded cup. He gives it a hefty slosh around before presenting the contents to you. It was nearly full. “As much as I love strawberry, I don’t really like drinking at parties.” “Real party person, huh.” You shoot back, your last real hang-up flying out the window. 

“Gotta stay sharp.” He says pouring his drink into the bushes. He moves to take your cup to do the same. Before he can, you finish it in one shot, needing the liquid courage. He raises his hands, backing off as you look around for a place to discard your cup. 

Damn, you’re eternally mystified by how clean the city can be despite there being no trash cans. Seeing this, he swipes the cup from your hand, stacking it in his own before crushing them with a satisfying crunch. He discards them in the bushes, earning a disgruntled noise from you. “Someone will clean it up.” He dismisses moving back to take his position on the bike, the engine turning over. “No one would have to clean it up if you threw it away properly.” “Just keeping your hands clean, darling. Leave the dirty work to me.” He says, a tone of sarcasm peeking through. 

You huff, pulling on the helmet to cover the blush spreading across your cheeks. You climb on to the back of the bike, unsure how to situate yourself. After a moment of you adjusting, trying not to sit too close to the blonde, he grabs you by the wrist and pulls you flush to his back. It’s warm. The thin fabric is like a second skin.

“Hold on or you’ll fall off” he says seriously. Thank god you were behind him, in the safety of the helmet. You could feel your ears turning red. “R-Right.” You feel yourself getting cold feet. “Hey, you know, I never said goodbye to Yuuki.” You ramble. “I mean, you can go up if you want, but I have a feeling he’s busy playing the gracious host.” Mikey responds. “Yeah… Yeah, I guess I can just text him.” You say mostly to yourself. 

“Hey, we can just call a taxi if you’re uncomfortable. I don’t mind waiting with you.” You visualize the cost of a taxi at this time of night and that’s much scarier than riding on the back of a stranger’s motorcycle. “No. No. It’s okay.” You say, wrapping your other arm around him, signaling you were ready. 

“Where should I drop you off?” “Near the 7/11 next to the station, the one with that awful statue.” You say, steadying your voice. You feel him rev the engine before you hear it. The thrum sends fireworks of adrenaline shooting through you. You tighten your grip on the figure in front of you. “Nervous?” he teases, chuckling. The vibration mixes with the engine. “N-No.” You sputter. “You’re a bad liar.” He replies. Without another word, the two of you peel off into the night.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | March 11th-17th 2024

That premiere guys!!!!! Was so good!!!!! I'm so excited to be FINALLY be a part of the fandom while the show is actually airing! 😃 Can't wait to read all the amazing fics that are gonna be spawned from season 7!

Speaking of that, I would like to encourage everyone to use the relevant Ao3 tags when writing fics based on S7 content! Not everyone can watch the episodes as they air, so tags are really essential for people who don't want to get spoiled! (I could even make a separate post about it? a sort-of "how to tag" post?). In case you want to block some tumblr tags, my main tags for S7 are #911 season 7, #911 on abc, or #911 spoilers.

(Posting this one day early cause I don't feel like waiting until tomorrow! Enjoy! 😆)

Complete

i find peace in your smile by goforeddie/@iltrpls (A/B/O AU | 1K | General): They’ve been courting for a few months now. It’s agonizingly slow, but it’s still the best time they’ve ever had. You might think that after six years of walking on eggshells around each other, half a decade of “will-they-won’t-they” they wouldn’t be taking such a slow time with courting, but it's precisely everything that they’ve been through that makes them appreciate things a little better.

Birthday Flowers by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Pre-Buddie | 2K | General): OR: Buck gets Eddie flowers for his birthday. 

🔥 if i need to rearrange my particles — i will for you. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6, Identity Porn | 45K | Teen): OR Buck joins a support app for first responders and matches with a firefighter who has PTSD and a kid who likes giraffes, apparently.

Lime Jell-O by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (S7E01: Abandon 'Ships | 3K | Teen): Eddie Diaz didn't panic. Or, well... Maybe he did. Sometimes. But he was working on it.

take the bed warmed by the body by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): It’s three parts bravado and one part reminder. He thinks about it, sometimes, his first shift at the 118—he doesn’t think either of them quite knew how much they’d meant it when they’d promised to have each other’s backs. He definitely hadn’t known, then, that he’d wake up one day and wonder why Buck isn’t in his bed. Because that’s what’s missing. He has a vague memory of falling asleep with his head resting against Buck’s shoulder, their legs tangled together.

Taken Space by Wildgirl93/ @wildlife4life (S7E01 Coda | 1K | General): Eddie and Marisol talk about the space that has already been taken.

Feel Like I Landed On The Moon by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Canon Divergent | 1K | General): OR: Eddie is pining for Buck while in Texas.

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 98K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

53. A Dream You've Had Before (Explicit) 54. We're Definitely All Sluts Here (Explicit)

if you love someone by chronicallystendan (Pre-Buddie | 1K | General): Buck and Eddie both internally panic when a song comes on the radio that seems to be talking directly to them.

adventures of firehose and eightpack by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Social Media fic | 1,5K | Mature): Or: Eddie stumbles upon Buck's old twitter account.

Two, Three Times in a Row by Leslie_Knope (PWP | 6K | Explicit): “We could’ve gone again.” Eddie snorts. “I’m old. You expect me to get it up twice?” “Yes,” Buck says, like it’s a given, like duh. “I could get you to do it right now.” The entire world pauses, and Eddie actually feels it, the bolt of arousal slinking down his spine all the way to his toes. He wets his lips. “Right now?”

WIP

🔥 miracles under your sighs and moans by napricot (Sex Pollen, PWP | 1/2 | 13K | Explicit): When Eddie gets exposed to an experimental aphrodisiac on a call, he realizes there’s only one person he trusts to help him get through it: Buck.

🔥 because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by callmenewbie/ @puppyboybuckley (Post-S6, Disaster Fic | 9/10 | 63K | Explicit): During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him.

~

if you know anyone that is not tagged, please tag them in the comments!

[nsyncat]

OK, so this is my first post EVER since I joined Tumblr like ten years ago. Always been a lurker, enjoying all of the wonderful things here, the gifs, fics, ships, art, all the knowledge and all the amazing heritage posts, but never posting and hardly reblogging, I don't know why, was always afraid I would make a mistake or reblogg incorrectly...

Anyway, the reason this is my first time posting is because THAT amazing moment that happened a week ago, and I've been losing my mind ever since, and unfortunately I have nobody to share this excitement with that will understand... So I had to get it out somehow, and here seems like the perfect place to do so.

I don't know if anybody will read this or pay it any attention, but never mind, I just have TO. GET. IT ALL. OUT!

So I've been a loyal fan of 9-1-1 this past six years, got hooked to these kind of first responders dramas, also Station 19 and then of course Lone Star. I fell in love with the writing, the drama and action, the characters of course, the emotional and moving stories, both of the regular cast and the people in the emergencies (am not afraid to admit that I cried more than a few times, especially when I was pregnant... woooh, that was a tough season for me).

Anyway, like everyone else, got invested in Buck's storyline and of course hopped on the Buddie train in season 2. And obviously there was something between them, and the fandom always clowned themselves that "in the next season SOMETHING is going to happen!" and I always wanted to believe it, and also fooled myself a few times but always was the cold harsh realist and realised it was not going to happen... But enjoyed the ride nonetheless, read amazing fics, saw wonderful fanart, read interesting breakdowns and analysis.

And then 704 happened and I'm not joking or exaggerating, my life changed!

Confirming that Buck is Bi was amazing! I'm ashamed to admit that I really thought it won't happen, EVER! So I still can't believe it actually happened (thank you soooo much ABC!) and like a lot of you, I've been on cloud nine this past week and can't wait for tomorrows episode (also not from the US), literally counting down the hours.

And look, I love Buddie, I really do, but I fell in love with TEVAN (my favourite one yet) 😍 and been OBSESSED with them this past week. Just from those few moments between them and what we barely know that is going to happen the next episode, I truly fell in love with them and really hope they make it as far as they can. I think its an amazing thing for Buck and also CANT. STOP. WATCHING THE KISS! The actors did an incredible job, especially Oliver, also with his spoken support of the storyline and his love for Buck. Such a KING! So this whole thing is huge.

And I have a one-year-old, my life is hectic with taking care of a little human being, a hubby who is also very busy, work, family and a million other things and this past year with a heavy heart I kinda neglected reading fics, and it was my main hobby, my escape, my one and constant thing in my LIFE since I was 12. I do read here and there, but not like I used to, reading hours and hours and into the night, multi chapters and long oneshots, in multiple fandoms, and now whenever I do get to read something once In a blue moon I'm not fully invested or enjoying it because either I'm tired or have something else more important to do. And unfortunately, eventually I noticed that I lost this fire, the passion in me and it left me sad and heartbroken...

And then something incredible happened. Ever since that earth-shattering kiss, the fire and passion came back! Holy shit! I've been reading and ENJOYING fics nonstop this whole week, I can't concentrate on work thinking about everything and reading in-between tasks, I use every single free minute I have to search new fics and scroll through the tags, I go to sleep late because I need to read just one more fic(!!!) even tough I have to wake up very early in the morning and I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'm thinking about it sooo much and imagining new scenarios in my head, and feeling giddy and happy, in a good mood a lot of the time, more optimistic, knowing I have a new and exciting place I can "escape" to, like I had in the past.

Its not that i'm not happy, I have an amazing son and a wonderful husband and I cherish every moment with them, but these are hard and difficult times and life can be hard and stressful and I'm a different kind of happy... So these past few days have been nourishment for my soul and my mood, it sounds so silly but its true! I'm feeling a bit like my old self and it's amazing.

And if someone did read this or did pay attention and got to this point, sorry for the long rant and thank you so much for the patience and understanding 🙏 I love you and wish you a wonderful weekend and happy Buck's-first-date-with-a-man day! 🥰

So I want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, ABC, Oliver, Lou and you crazy lot for resurrecting my old fangirl self 😌 I'm so grateful for all your posts, your takes, your similar enjoyment and of course your amazing fics you're writing and sharing 🩵

[foxhopfics]

First off thank u SO MUCH to everyone in that post going "tag me too pls!" Im writing this for u i love u :) it makes me happy that so many people were interested in this concept.

This fic will be available on AO3, but whenever a new chapter comes out I will post the new ao3 link with the chapter under a readmore cut.

Hope you guys enjoy the prologue!

Strontium Nitrate and a Colt .45 prologue

Warnings: family death

A violent, cracking storm whirls in Eddie as he watches his ex-wife be lowered into the earth by 4 men on either side of her coffin. The flowers on the top shift precariously white, blue, yellow and red popping out against the dark wood grain, but they remain on as it clunks onto the ground. It shouldn't be so bright. The sun wasn't supposed to be shining the day he had to put his wife into the ground.

It's all he can do to just keep his hand firm on Christopher's shoulder to not cry, and scream, and run towards that fucking hole and dig her back up, begging her to come back to life in his arms. There were a million and one ways Eddie had expected Shannon to die one day. An accident by a stranger's hand hadn't been one of them. There were so many dangers he had to account for in his every day life, he was bound to slip up at one point. Bound to lose someone he cared about to a stupid mistake.

He's numb through the reception, fingers gripping the sides of his own sleeves so hard he has to peel them off from stiffness, and he's vacant through his family asking him question after question. He doesn't know how to answer if he's ok in front of people who are expecting him to be strong, expecting him to be the man of the house when his son just lost his mother, when he wishes more than anything he was lying in that coffin next to her.

When he can't stomach the pleasantries any longer, he takes Chris home. It's obvious the kid's had enough poking and prodding, and the silence is blessed. He checks the rearview mirror, and not five minutes after they pull out of the reception hall, Chris is drooling with his head against the window. The brunette smiles forlornly. He can see so much of Shannon in him, always had been able to, but now it felt like every trait of hers on him is more pronounced.

He wakes Chris up when they reach home, and Eddie has to stand in the doorway for a second to wait for his ears to adjust to the ringing quiet, when he's been around so much noise all day. Who knew funerals could be so loud. It definitely wasn't helped by the static rushing so loud in Eddie's ears he had to strain to hear other people talking at him. But now neither of them can bother to bring their voices above a whisper.

"Go get ready for bed, kiddo. I'll be there in a minute." He ushers Chris off to do his nightly chores and steps in to flick the kitchen light on. He sighs, leaning his elbows on the counter and his face into his hands. He musses his hair, and rubs down his face in an attempt to wipe the stress away. He doesn't know how long he'll continue to feel like he's floating, tether-less in space until the emotions of what happened catch up to him. He hopes Chris isn't in the vicinity when it happens.

There's time to figure this all out. Tomorrow. He hears the bathroom door open and close again as Chris shuffles off to his room. He takes his turn in the bathroom, not having enough energy for a full shower even though he feels like he needs it. Instead, he lets the water from the sink run so hot it scalds his finger when he tests it. He pulls out a washcloth from the drawer, soaks it and wrings it out, then wipes his face down of all the grime that doesn't exist. Nevertheless he feels cleaner and a tiny, minuscule weight slides off his shoulders. He finishes his business and shuffles his lead-weighted feet off to his son's bedroom.

Chris is already in his pyjamas and under the covers, his face red and puffy and struggling to keep his eyes open. Eddie sits himself by his legs on the edge of the bed, running a soothing hand through his boy's curls. Neither of them say anything, a lump forming in Eddie's throat and leaving no thoughts in his head when he tries to get something out.

Chris takes the first initiative. "Why did she have to go, daddy?" At first, Eddie doesn't have an answer that's acceptable to a 5 year old. Because bad things happen to good people. Because fuck him, apparently. Fuck him and her and everything he was trying to build for them and fuck God for taking it all away from him. He swallows hard, trying not to gag on his own tear-filled spit as he tries not to let it show on his face.

"Sometimes people do dumb things. And when people do dumb things, others get hurt because of their actions. And this time, someone did something dumb, and mommy was the one who got hurt by their actions." Chris nods sleepily, exhausted and upset. Eddie leans down to give him a kiss on his temple. "Get some sleep kiddo. Come and wake me up if you need anything, but we can figure out more tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok, love you daddy. Night night."

"Night night, buddy."

Tag list: @aniilaff @watchyourbuck @diazlilgirl @weballingsad @whambamthankyousir @passthe5sauceplease @mrslectermoriarty @jeffthekilled

[utterlyinevitable]

Where It Begins (28/?)

↪ series masterlist  

28. Boiler, boiler (cake & troubles)

Pairing: Colin Bridgerton x Penelope Featherington   Format: textfic   Chapter Rating: T+ A/N: why didn't anyone tell me the longer images were hard to read?? to remedy that i'm doing plain text. hope you don't mind :)

Summary: Domestic interlude & a valentines day mix up

8th February

Colin: I’ve got five days free. Fancy a friend?

Pen: Don’t think you’ll wanna stay here

Colin: Too bad. I’m already on my way. What’s wrong?

Pen: Boilers broken. Haven’t had heat or a hot shower in three days.

Colin: Seriously!? Have you spoken to the building manager??

Pen: I’ve showered at the gym at work so I’m not stinky. BM is waiting for the landlord to approve works to be carried out

Colin: He could be off on a remote holiday for all we know! Gotta be breaking some sort of code at this rate.

Pen: It’ll get sorted. You can stay here just know I don’t have hot water. In most cases that’s a dealbreaker.

Colin: Sure it will.

Pen: Don’t do anything rash and get me evicted.

Colin: I would never. See you tomorrow afternoon 😘

-

He placed his keys ever so gingerly on the designated house-shaped plate by the door and toed off his trainers, careful not to make excessive noise. All the lights in the apartment turned out for the night save for the kitchen lamp always serving as a nightlight. It's well past midnight, Colin can't blame her for not waiting up - he is half a day late after all.

He strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed behind her, arm wrapping around her belly and cuddling in close like always, naturally. Penelope smells fresh and clean, but there's a lingering of the rare and expensive gardenia perfume he likes so much in her hair. He takes a deep breath, savoring.

"Sorry," he mutters next to her ear. "One delay led to another."

Pen hummed, still held by sleep but rolling from her belly and further into him.

"Did the plumber come?"

"Yea. How much do I owe you?" She cranes her neck, turning to look up over her shoulder with those beautifully heavy eyes of hers.

"Nothing," he says as he pushes some of her wild hair out of her face. An overwhelming urge to kiss her senseless overcomes him, but he settles for a lingering kiss to her forehead.

"Colin…"

"Think of it as rent for all my freeloading."

She’s too tired to argue, so she huffs and nuzzles back into her pillow.

Colin had the most peaceful sleep he’s had in weeks, cold room and hassling from his older brothers be damned.

***

13th February 9:13

Pen: Running a few errands, didn't want to wake you. Breakfast in a bag on the counter xx

11:18

Colin: Thank you ❤️

12:04

Colin: Heading out for a bit - when will you be home?

14:46

Pen: On my way back now!

-

Colin padded to the kitchen to find a brown box of delectable danishes waiting for him and a yellow post-it on top in her quick scrawl;

All yours! Just save me an eclair :)

He smiles at how well she knows him, and how she knows he'd always save her the last (and only in this case) eclair. That smile tugging at his cheeks as Colin grabs his French press and boils the water, beginning to make himself a cuppa. When he opens the fridge to reach for the milk, there's a pink box a great deal larger than the pastry box taking up the middle shelf. Nothing if not endlessly curious, Colin carefully slides the box out from where it's been skillfully wedged into the small appliance and peeks in. His heart stops and so do his breaths. There's a red heart-shaped cake staring back at him.

His blood runs hotter than the boiling bubbles behind him, that smile wanes until it's practically linear on his pressed lips.

They didn't speak about Valentine's Day, or any of the implications of it. Truthfully the holiday didn't even cross Colin's mind; and he certainly didn't purposefully plan to visit her this weekend. A happy coincidence really. But come to think of it, it is weird that he didn't book up anything anywhere. It's his job to capitalise on holidays and relevant social media-centric events, but he forgot? Doesn't the calendar in his phone automatically add holidays? He'll have to check that. Honestly how is it possible that Colin didn't put the pieces together? It's the most romantic day of the year! And he and Pen are...

Colin can only assume he didn't think they weren't doing anything considering their... roommate (the word makes him want to vomit) status. And because he leaves in the morning.

But the cake! The terrifying, gorgeous gesture of cake is staring him right in the face. That smile returns as a smirk and there's sparkles in his steps causing Colin to flit about on a new course of action. He immediately forgoes coffee, shoves a croissant in his gob and rushes to put clothes on. The boy is on a mission to not bungle this up.

When Colin returns home - lilacs and tulips in hand - Penelope is still nowhere to be found. Disappointing but also lucky, he can truly take this one step further; so Colin sets up some wine glasses on the little dining table, leaves space for the cake to take center stage, and picks a couple petals off the bouquet to tastefully scatter around the table. He’s not sure what she has planned for dinner, so he waits.

Pops on a fresh shirt and cologne, and waits.

Waits for 80 minutes.

Then, she comes home… with Sophie.

The two girls are giggling and Pen has a silk scarf over Sophie’s eyes. “Wait wait wait, you’re gonna LOVE this!” Pen laughs as she tries to tug her keys out of the lock once more than necessary, most definitely tipsy. She doesn’t even see him sitting stiffly on the couch as to not muss up his look, a book in hand.

She pads to the fridge and gasps so loudly. “What the-” Colin watches carefully as Pen starts to twirl around, eyes frantic and head swiveling, looking everywhere in the kitchen to find her surprise.

Finally, her eyes land on the impeccably decorated table.

“Oh my god!”

“What? What is it!?” Sophie all but shrieks from her spot she was left in, her hands hovering over her hair unsure if she should tear the blindfold off or not. 

Colin’s sheepish and besottedly bemused voice finally makes its appearance, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

Penelope twirls to see him rising from the couch with an amused smirk on his handsome face hiding the awkwardness he feels. Her blush pink lips are parted and her eyes are so comically wide it'd be hilarious in any other situation but this. She goes to say something, and Colin waits with bated breath. It's the same moment Sophie rips the blindfold off. 

“You GUYS!” she shrieks at the romantic setting before her. Her eyes meet Pen's, her soulful blue eyes blown and dilatated. “I am crashing your evening. I should go.” 

“No no no,” Pen turns from Colin, grabs Sophie’s wrist and tugs her closer to look over the cake. “I got this for you! For our Galentine's day tomorrow.” 

All three of them move across the room to peer at the writing on the cake that so delicately reads: You Fine AF. Sophie giggles, then the two of them burst out laughing. The two girls are consumed by a fit of uncontrollable laugher, falling and hugging one another. 

Colin takes that as his cue to cut the cake, and maybe grab two glasses of water too. 

This could have gone worse...

-

Two cups of tea and one hour later, Sophie skittered off and Colin and Pen have mostly finished clearing up the faux pas. He's washed and dried the dishes with nothing else to do as Pen masterfully fits the baked goods back in the fridge. It's so unbelievably quiet save for the rustling she's doing and the pounding embarrassment in his ears. They can't go on like this.

Colin leans up against the counter, tapping and pressing his fingers into the hard surface to distract himself, to seem so nonchalant about the whole failed affair.

"I apologize for- I thought…"

He can see her shake her head once from where his eyes are glued to the floor. "It’s fine. You didn’t know."

"Do you want... I should have asked if you wanted to do something instead of assuming..."

"It’s fine Colin." It might be his imagination but Colin swear she slammed the fridge shut. "We don’t have that kind of relationship."

"We...don't?"

"We’re friends."

"Friends, yea." But we're more than that, he wants to add. Will wish he had later when he's replaying this evening over and over in his head.

"Neither of us are looking for something serious," she asserts, her flickering gaze pinning him in place.

"Right."

There's an awkward silence as he stares at her, silently imploring for elaboration and she's looking anywhere but at him.

Penelope finds a spot on the ceiling behind him, takes in a breath and Colin has chills, the kind of chills you get before you drop on a rollercoaster or entering a haunted house, the anticipation of a good time but the dread of the unknown. "That’s why this works. You’re off gallivanting, living your dreams. And I’m making a name for myself in my own way."

His heart drops.

"I - yeah. Yeah, you’re right." He forces a smile as his catches a glimpse of the bouquet, the last remanent of his mild attempt at romantics.

"Did you pick up dinner? I’m starved."

[midnightwriteson]

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've been on Tumblr, but I wanted an easy platform to update interact with my readers and I'm familiar with Tumblr though it's been a while. Figured I start new. Currently working on stories on AO3, and updating as I go. Planning on putting some previews up here, talk about some new projects I've got going on. I do have some Yuri On Ice Fics that have been on long hiatuses and I do plan on updating them as I go along, but right now my current fandoms are based on Chinese Danmei. I've got three active stories in the MDZS fandom and one in development from the TGCF fandom. Feel free to leave me a comment and share. I enjoy interacting with my readers and I do take constructive criticism. I am not a perfect writer, but I'm doing this for fun and to develop my craft. My current update schedule is Bi-Weekly. I'll be updating again tomorrow (September 15th).

Active Stories (All MDZS/Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) Like My Soul is On Fire - Chapter 12 Bless Myself - Chapter 9 Bad Habits - Chapter 2

Side Piece I'm Currently Working On: One Moonlit Night - Chapter 6 (Yuri On Ice - Underwater seafolk AU) Summary can be found on AO3

Future Projects I'm Working On (Preview): - You're Trying to Save Me (MDZS - Sequel to Like My Soul is On Fire) Takes Place in my Universe but after the thirteen year time skip. Not gonna give too many details here to spoil the first part, but some more twists and turns from the main story line and dealing with the repercussions and trauma from the first half - Wake Me Up Inside (TGCF - Modern Day, After Original Timeline) To save Xie Lian, Hua Cheng has made a decision to seal himself away in the Ghost Realm. Within the modern era, where cultivation isn't as popular, a new threat is coming for Xie Lian and the consequences will shape the future of both the Heaven and the Mortal Realm

The Ballad of Butterflies and Blessings/The Dance of Sabers and Arrows. (TGCF - A/B/O AU) Takes place after Hua Cheng returns to Xie Lian at the end of the novel. First part will be Hua Cheng and Xie Lian finally getting together. Second story will be Feng Xin An Mu Qing

If your excited for any of the upcoming stories, please let me know. I can't wait to see what you all think! What projects are you currently reading of mine? Which ones do you want to see next?

[simp999]

Bloopers/Notes from "A New Home!"

☆I don't have anything too silly until ch. 15 :(

Ch. 1, Where am I?:

☆I started this fic at like, 2 am, just on complete impulse. Everything here just summoned itself from my 2 am brainrot.

☆I didn't really chat this chapter out with any friends, so nothing too silly.

Ch. 2, Meeting New People?:

☆I was planning on making reader more of a Simp, but I talked to my friends and we decided against it, since it would be difficult for reader to get along with characters more genuinely.

☆At the end of the chapter, "If I go to sleep here, will I wake back up in the real world?...", I was thinking of just posting chapter 3 where it said: You wake up, story over. The end.

Ch. 3, We are the Army.:

☆Army was an octoling since the beginning! You can see that in the banner. The background is made up of octopi instead of squids, and you can see a bit of a tentacle.

Ch. 4, If memory serves wrong...:

☆Bro I suck at writing flirty stuff. End me now, Aloha's difficult for me to write

☆The "nothin' personal, kid", was a total reference, and I plan on adding many more. I'm going to try my best to add some iconic vines that still suit the scene.

Ch. 5, Descisions, decisions.:

☆On the other hand, I looove drawing aloha! He's so cute and silly! I like to draw his tentacles very round and bubbly and man, his eyes are so pretty!

☆This was the chapter that made me start thinking about giving reader teammates, mostly because they needed someone other than a bench to sleep.

Ch. 6, Hoooow Anoooying.:

☆mASK MY BELOVED

☆Can you tell he's my favorite?

☆I wanted to make him a little silly, giving him more of a personality. He can't be scary all the time, I really do think part of it is an act.

☆Another anime reference: the lens of his gasmask shining, just like in an anime.

Ch. 7, SUB WEAPON HELL!:

☆I was torn between what to do for the banner. I already used Mask with his mask on for chapter 6, and I planned on using his maskless version for what's now chapter 13. But then I remembered another one of my favorite boyos, Desi! I know he isn't featured too much in this chapter, and I'm sorry, but I needed something!

☆Anyways, I know this entire battle by heart. I know all of Mask's voice lines. Save me.

☆I try my best to not show bias in my fics, but I will relentlessly show it outside of em'.

☆Ugh, can't wait for team cyan moments fr

Ch. 8, Newfound Family.:

☆THE GUYS FR

☆I was stuck between just giving reader nameless teammates, incase ya'll already had your own ocs in mind of something, but I HATE nameless characters. And characters that don't have a personality. I figured that I'd already have to give them personalities, so why not go all in.

☆Soooo, I threw in my beloved OCs! I've had these guys around for YEARS, so I know them and their personalities like the back of my hand, which makes writing for them super easy and fun!

☆bro they look so cursed with splatoon 1 hairstyles to me. I didn't have the heart to snatch their iconic hair, so ignore that.

LOOK AT HIM!! ITS NOT EVEN MILO ANYMORE HE'S JUST MARCUS SMH.

Ch. 9, Shopping Spree!:

☆I actually wrote this and the last chapter at 1 am by accident. I was like oho let me write a few notes down for tomorrow so I don't forget. But here we are 2k words later.

☆After seeing that the next day, I realised that the squad tm would take up 2 chapters total. There's 3 of them. So then I had to figure out how to do the banners. I worked it out, though!

☆Tasha's hair's longer I swear, it just didn't fit on the banner smh

☆Damn she and skull look a lot alike, huh

☆L

Ch. 10, Skull's Territory.:

☆I knew I couldn't have reader simp, but that doesn't mean I can't have some simpery!! So I have Milo, Leo and Tasha to do it!! They get to express my true emotions <3

Ch. 11, A Misunderstanding?:

☆sTEAAAALTH!!! <3333

☆My sweet boy

☆So the poll for background characters was mostly for him ngl

☆THOSE DAMN GOGGLES WERE SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS TO SHADE WAAAAH

☆I also may have colored them green by accident the first time and had to start over.

☆I reaaaally hate making characters like Rider go OOC, but I need the story to continue! I'm sorryyyy

Ch. 12, Getting Too Comfortable.:

☆FINALLY WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE UGH

☆Also, blushy rider. ♡♡

☆He wants that battle, dude

Ch. 13, Player Two?:

☆aaaAAAA MAAASK

☆May have made a 9 hour mask playlist to write to.

☆Ahem.

☆I was planning on going in official meeting order for these uhh "getting closer with the S4", (Rider, army, aloha, mask, skull.) but my clear bias for Mask got me to write for him first.

☆I struggled to choose which song, but the idea came to me because I learned all the lyrics to Kick Back(chainsaw man), not too long ago. But I figured I'd just go with one of the most well known series/openings.

☆Didn't make the cut:

-Was gonna have reader and Mask walk in the rain together. That's why reader grabbed Milo's umbrella, cause it was the biggest one.

-c'mon, that would have been cute

Ch. 14, ...You Didn't See that.:

☆I was planning this since the start to be honest. Not exactly this scenario, but I knew I wanted to throw this headcannon in there.

☆After seeing how much love my fic was getting, I was almost going to abandon the idea, afraid that my readers wouldn't like it, and leave.

☆Jeebus those tentacles took me way too long to draw.

Figuring out what to do for Army's meetup+scrapped ideas:

Ch. 15, Sweetheart.:

☆I only made it to 1k words with Skull's part, he really doesn't talk a lot so it's hard to fill up space.

☆Soooooo

☆You guys asked for it: Avi time!

☆Now finally, here's some of the discord chats I had with my friends. Plans for story along with memes. Blanked out hints for the next chapter.:

Ch. 16, An Unexpected Meetup.:

☆I completely winged it. I knew I wanted like- a dummy kinda where we'd see all the S4 at once

☆Sorry for minimal aloha time, we got him earlier in the series though! (Bias game strong, he's not my favorite s4 member :( )

☆I'll try for more aloha time soon I'm sorry

☆The kind of rivalry/jeasoulsy between them wasn't planned and I kinda don't like it, but it is canon that they don't really like eachother so

☆Eh

Ch. 17: Not Much of a Choice, Huh?

☆Ughhh this feels like a dating sim now and I hate it

☆But characters catching feelings ♡♡♡

☆Not to figure out how they deal with them and how readers gonna figure that out

☆Wah

Ch. 18: Challengers Approach!

☆ oOoo they catchin' feelings!!!

Ch. 19: The Freshest Squid on the Block!

☆ YOOOOO LEO FANBOY!?!?!

☆ Hehe, we love making Leo happy

☆ Ugh, Emperor. I was not looking forward to writing him. I personally don't have him as a favorite, I was never able to like his kingly attitude. (I looove his design as somebody who draws nd does character design, though! Well made character.) Buuut...(see ch. 21)

Ch. 20: The Absolute King.

☆Yesss! Reader showing more emotion!!

☆Someone's gettin' angyyy

☆Ohoho does this count as angst? Berly, but I'm enjoying it

☆ Did you guys know that I half specialise in angst? Yeah enjoy that info

Ch. 21: A Crushing Defeat.

☆ Making you guys hate him off the bat is a lot dunner to write! He was shitty and mean in the first bit where he was shown anyways, so suffer! He'll have to go through some character development eventually, but until then, he's your most despised rival mwahaha

☆I hope the wat I write him makes you wanna deck him in the face :)

Ch. 22: It Only Gets Tougher, I Promise

☆ ... what no, what makes you think mask is my favorite. I show no bias ever. (How many times have I said that, now?)

[lolonoco]

Indecisive ~ Chapter 1

{Mbappe & Neymar love triangle}

Ines's POV

I never believed in love and never will. My whole childhood I've never seen my parents happy together. I always thought romantic movies or happy endings were stupid. My Parents always fought but now they're divorced and that's a good thing trust me. I've never really had a love life, just some one night stands and having fun but never actually catching genuine feelings. Honestly men are scared of me, I've been told before. Once a guy told me that my energy was powerful and intimidating to men, he said I had dark feminine energy. He said I could walk on any men and I wasn't what a guy would normally go for. Im not a wifey material girl and I don't intend on having children even if I love them.

———————————————————

I wake to my phone buzzing on my night stand. I really didn't want to answer but it was my dad. So I picked up the phone.

"Yes?" I asked with a sleepy voice.

"Ines? Did you just wake up, I told you today is your little brothers birthday. You have thirty minutes to be at my house, everyone is gonna be there." My dad said angrily.

"Putain, my alarm must have not rang. Je suis désolé papa." I said getting out of bed.

"Just be there in thirty minutes." He said hanging up.

I need to look presentable so I threw on a long black tank top, 501 levis and docs. I let my hair loose and put a little bit of makeup on. I was ready so I got in my car and drove off.

Being at my dads house with my whole family when I just woke up wasn't ideal but whatever. I was here for my favorite person in the world, my little brother Thomas. He turned 13 today. He was officially a teenager but he was still my little baby.

"You're not little tommy anymore you're getting old." I told my brother while pinching his cheeks.

"Dude stop there's about 10 old ladies that have done this to me today gimme a break." Thomas said laughing.

"Dude I'm avoiding dad cause he's gonna kill me for being late, I don't even wanna know my punishment." I said.

"Can't be worse than when he sent you to boarding school when you were 15." He said laughing.

"Dark times." I said while giggling.

"What are you guys doing here! Everyone is waiting at the table, dinner is served!" My dad said dragging us at the table.

After everyone left I helped my dad with the dishes and then he started giving me a lecture.

"You know Ines I find you irresponsible and lazy. You do nothing with your days except working."

"Dad what do you want me to do with my life except from work."

"I don't know go out, socialize, do physical activities." He said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Maybe you could come to the psg practices and the games. That would give you something to do." He said.

"Really?! Dad you've got to be kidding me." I said frustrated.

"You know what that's a great idea, tomorrow you're coming to the practice at 10, end of discussion." He said.

"Ugh!" I said grabbing my keys and leaving.

———————————————————

I woke up at 9 because if I wasn't at the practice my dad was going to kill me.

I didn't even know the players, only the ones I knew about were the ones my dad wouldn't stop talking about. I only knew Messi, Mbappe and Neymar.

I put on a PSG shirt that was sitting in the bottom of my closet and made myself look presentable and left.

While walking to the field, I saw from a distance a bunch of guys fooling around and jumping on each other.

But the crowd went silent when I was noticed.

-

hope y’all liked ittt <3

[wikiangela]

my 911 fics ranked by how much fun i had writing them - based on the ranking by @sibylsleaves bc it seemed fun, thank you for the idea ❤️

as of now I have 34 buddie fics (lmao what), so I did a top 10 (it was hard to narrow down tbh because I generally have fun writing all my fics, but this is the top 10:

1. For a holiday (and forevermore)

Eddie's sick of personal, intrusive questions about his love life whenever he visits his family, so he starts bringing Buck for the holidays as his (fake) boyfriend. He only wants to shut them up, and doesn't expect that the small crush he has on his best friend could actually turn into something more...

my first (and for now only) buddie multi chapter fic, inspired by the movie holidate (2020) - I saw the movie and had a vision, and this started - I'm having so much fun writing this, even if some chapters are more difficult (and it's getting away from me and they do what they want lol) - and writing Eddie so oblivious and so deep in denial is just so fucking fun, overall 9.5/10

2. I can't love you any more (than I do now)

Eddie's pretty sure he and Buck are dating and kind of living together. Neither acknowledges it, until Eddie finally does.

this is my newest one rn, and it's disgustingly fluffy and domestic, and I loved writing it so much, needed some fluff with all the 6b stuff - and I've been looking for an excuse to use this song as a fic title lmao (it didn't turn out exactly how I wanted, but writing it was a blast fr haha) 9/10

3. There’s no way that it’s not going there (with the way that we’re looking at each other)

5 times people wrongly assume Buck and Eddie are together + 1 time it's actually true.

wrote this two years ago and I remember having a lot of fun with that - now there's about a hundred things I'd do differently with this one, but I enjoyed writing it at the time haha (this is also THE fic with the most kudos out of all of my fics out of all of the fandoms for some reason? lol) 8/10

4. we got time (but we're only human)

“We got time, Eds.” Buck chuckles. “Not enough.” Eddie’s voice breaks a little. Buck squeezes his hand. “We almost ran out of time, and I can’t just wait until it happens again, Buck. Besides, life is short. We’ll never really have enough time, because a lifetime with you wouldn’t be enough." Or, Buck wakes up from his coma, and Eddie, done with wasting time, confesses his feelings.

post-6x10, but fluffy and happy, really loved writing this one, had a great time with it, 8/10

5. Who said this is a good idea?

Buck and Eddie are drunk, their inhibitions are low, and things escalate pretty quickly.

one of the fictober22 prompts, one of the easiest and quickest to write somehow, had fun with this one 7.5/10

6. You love this, don't you?

Clipboard Buck makes a reappearance, and Eddie's forced to confront his feelings.

this was supposed to be a silly clipboard!Buck fic, but then it got horny so I wrote a second chapter (while lowkey cringing at myself bc it's kinda out of my comfort zone lol), and I had a blast writing it, even if it lowkey sucks (idk if it does, I'm harsh on myself lmao) 7.5/10

7. Fine

Eddie’s foot feels heavy on the gas pedal, while his hands grip the steering wheel tightly, to prevent them from shaking. He’s driving almost on autopilot, while trying his best to compartmentalize and focus on just getting to the hospital, trying not to think about Buck- about what’s happening in the back of the ambulance right now. Or, after the drive to the hospital after Buck's hit by lightning, Eddie loses it. Sort of 6x10 coda.

It was easy to write, the words were just pouring out of me, and I think I blacked out for the last 1k words, it's the saddest thing I've written lol 7/10

8. You're making my head hurt

Eddie's really tired and accidentally confesses his love for Buck.

accidental confessions are my fave to write, I just feel like it'd fit them, and it might not be my best, but I had fun writing it, 7/10

9. don't know what I'd do if your tomorrow never came

He can’t help but think that this is some kind of sick joke from the universe, which he doesn’t believe but he knows Buck would. “The universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen” is what Buck said once, it feels like a lifetime ago. He didn't believe it, then, either. And now the universe is mocking Eddie, having him have to tell their kid about Buck, just like Buck had to tell him about the shooting. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck did it, how he had the strength, because he’s on the verge of breaking down and shattering into a million little pieces. Or, Eddie goes home to tell Christopher about Buck getting hurt.

post 6x10, only this low bc I started writing it and loved it, and then I didn't have time to finish, so I got back to it later, and kinda struggled with the second half ngl haha gotta learn to write shit down as soon as it comes to me fr, 6.5/10

10. I think he knows

Eddie just could not tear his eyes away from him. And Buck finally noticed, looking back at him. “What?” “What? Nothing.” Eddie felt his face heat up, as he took another sip of his beer. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Buck’s piercing gaze was still on him, and Eddie felt as if he could read him so easily. “Like what?” he decided to play dumb. Maybe he’d succeed. “I don’t know.” Buck responded slowly. “You’re being weird tonight. Well, you’ve been acting weird for the past few weeks, actually.” “Weird how?” Eddie frowned, his heart hammering loudly. He knew how. But was he really being that obvious? Or Eddie's crush is becoming really obvious, so he does something about it.

it was just a silly idea about them getting together happening in the kitchen, it got away from me, I had a lot of fun with this one, even if it didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it to, but I don't think as much as the previous ones (it's so difficult to rank those fr) 6/10

[choicesfanaf]

I posted 632 times in 2022

58 posts created (9%)

574 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jamespotterthefirst

@ghost-inacup

@pitrsattabhaadmeinjao

@identitycrisis-electricboogaloo

I tagged 131 of my posts in 2022

#ethan ramsey - 58 posts

#ethan x aru - 54 posts

#open heart - 51 posts

#arundhati kulkarni - 50 posts

#ethan x mc - 50 posts

#mc monday - 44 posts

#playchoices - 35 posts

#choices stories you play - 29 posts

#thirsty thursday - 28 posts

#dr ethan ramsey - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 62 characters

#you are a coward who's using the anon button to hide yourself

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Why Did You Leave Me Alone

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Arundhati Kulkarni)

Characters: Ethan Ramsey, Arundhati Kulkarni, Sienna Trinh

Word Count: 1031 words

Rating: General

Summary: On his arrival from the Amazon, Ethan receives a surprise

Category: Angst

A/N: TW Periods, TW Pregnancy

Tagging: @jamespotterthefirst, @rookiemartin, @choicesficwriterscreations, @openheartfanfics

A few weeks after her first visit to Ethan's apartment, Arundhati noticed that she had missed her periods.

"Not a big deal", she initially thought, "it must be due to stress", as she had a large number of patients to take care of recently. Also, she was preparing for her new position as a fellow in the Diagnostic Team, which ended up increasing her overall stress.

A few days passed by, and she started feeling nauseated and felt her sense of smell & taste change.

Having all of these symptoms together made the gears of her brain turn.

"I really hope that I'm panicking over nothing", she muttered to herself.

As a result, she decided to do a few pregnancy tests to confirm her suspicions.

The two minutes that Aru waited for were filled with anxiety and worry about her future if she was pregnant.

The ring of the timer broke the ominous and unpleasant silence that Arundhati felt captured and trapped by.

When Aru checked the results, she realised that her heart was pounding inside her, making her more terrified than she was before.

To her complete shock, the test came out positive. At first, she couldn't believe her eyes and decided to do another test, just for safety. But, when her second test also turned out to be positive, she broke down, unable to control her emotions.

Sienna heard faint cries from the bathroom and went in to investigate.

"Hey, can I come in?" she whispered, to not wake her roommates up.

"Yes, please", came the reply.

"Aru, what happened?" she queried as she tried to make sense of everything around her.

Sienna's eyes widened in shock when she saw a positive pregnancy test in Arundhati's hand.

"Oh, Aru. Come here", Sienna said, giving her a warm & comforting hug.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, unsure of Arundhati's reply.

"Yes"

"Come to my room, then."

"Here, sit down and have some water. And feel free to let it all out."

"Si, please don't tell anyone about this."

See the full post

14 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

#4

Cafe

For Choices February Challenge Day 6:

A moodboard based on Open Heart Book 1, Chapter 7 when Ethan & MC go out to have coffee at Derry Roasters

Tagging: @burnsoslow, @choicesfebruary2022challenge

15 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

#3

My (Fake) Boyfriend

Pairing: Damien Nazario x f!MC (Aisha Park)

Characters: Damien Nazario, Aisha Park, Nadia Park

Word Count: 792 words

Rating: General

Summary: Aisha asks Damien to be her pretend boyfriend.

Category: Fluff

Tagging: @burnsoslow, @rookiemartin, @mrsnazariowrites, @choicesficwriterscreations

A week after Aisha had a date with Hayden, she had a movie night with Nadia & Damien, just like any other weekend.

"Okay, guys, I'm off. It's getting pretty late now. Steve must be waiting for me. Aish, you remember that tomorrow is Shalini's wedding, right?"

"Oh, right! I almost forgot. What time is it again?"

"It starts at 11 o'clock. That means we need to be there by 10 am."

"Are you bringing Steve along?"

"Yeah, definitely. Can't wait to introduce him to the rest of the family. What about you though? Are you bringing your boyfriend?", Nadia asked, vaguely pointing towards Damien.

"Oh! I'll try my best, but I'm not sure", she said winking.

"Well, see you tomorrow."

As soon as Nadia left, Damien asked the one question that was on his mind.

"What was Nadia talking about? Who's Shalini? And the last time I checked, you don't have a boyfriend."

"Shalini is our cousin who lives in Manhattan. By the way, how are you so sure about me not having a boyfriend?"

"Nadia and I are always the first ones to know whenever you have a new partner."

"But Nadia already knows about him."

On hearing this, Damien gave a look of confusion.

"Well, buckle up, D. Cause this is one hell of a ride."

"What do you mean?", he said, not knowing how the next sentence would change his life.

"So about two years ago, my parents were forcing me to get married and look at some proposals they had. They wanted me to marry for love, but they had told me that if I didn’t find someone for me, they would pitch in. I didn't want to get into all of that stress and drama, so I accidentally blurted out that you were my boyfriend."

"What?! Why me?"

"Cause you were the only person that came into my mind!", she exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed this on you. You might have some plans for tomorrow that are more important than this mess", Aisha rambled as she calmed down.

"There is nothing more important for me than you", he thought.

"Well, I don't have anything important lined up for tomorrow, other than a meeting with a few people. Let me see what I can do."

"D, you don't have to worry. I'll tell them that you are in Paris right now."

See the full post

17 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

#2

A Surprise Date

For Week 5 of Choices Flashfics, Prompt 1: “Every time I think I’m close to finally figuring you out, you end up surprising me.”

Prompt used is highlighted in pink and bold.

Based on an ask by @peonierose, pictures used in the text messages.

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Arundhati Kulkarni)

Characters: Ethan Ramsey, Arundhati Kulkarni, Sienna Trinh

Word Count: 572 words

Rating: General

Summary: Arundhati takes Ethan out on a date.

Category: Fluff

Tagging: @peonierose, @jamespotterthefirst, @quixoticdreamer16, @rookiemartin, @choicesficwriterscreations, @openheartfanfics, @choicesflashfics

See the full post

18 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Thanks a lot to @choicesfandomappreciation for running this event!

Mods of @choicesficwriterscreations and @openheartfanfics, thanks a lot for organising and displaying the works of a lot of creators. Also, I love that you all create many wonderful events which leads to other creators having fun during them!

@lovealexhunt, I'm in awe of all the work you undertake to make this fandom a lovely space to be in! Thanks for all that you do!

@jamespotterthefirst, thanks for creating MC Monday and Thirsty Thursday, which gives all the creators an opportunity to discuss more about their pairings. Also, I love that you try to reply to everyone who takes part in these events!

@jerzwriter and @liaromancewriter, thanks a lot for being an awesome part of the fandom and responding to everyone who participates in various different events! Your comments definitely make my day!

@quixoticdreamer16, thanks for supporting all the work I do! I admire you as you support everyone in our fandom, and give them enough motivation to keep being a part of it!

@peonierose, thanks for sending lovely messages of kindness, and showering my inbox with love!

@potionsprefect, thanks for creating Tiktok Tuesday, and all the lovely content you create!

@genevievemd, I want to thank you for creating Wedding Wednesday which was a lovely weekly event!

@dr-colossal-pita, I'm grateful for Foodie Friday, and how wonderful it is to share additional details about my OCs.

@ofmischiefandmedicine, thanks for creating Style Saturday, and I hope that you continue it!

Tagging some more lovely people: @moodmusicmonday, @choicesflashfics, @headoverheelsforramsey, @burnsoslow, @monsoonblooms12, @nooruleman, @crazy-loca-blog, @inlocusmads, @lawyerlies, @mrsnazariowrites, @robintora

I appreciate you, and am glad that you are a part of the fabulous Choices fandom!

Please forgive me if I might have forgotten you!

25 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[themurderofcrowscollective]

After everyone leaves, Rachel heads to her truck and unlocks the door. " Whoever wants to ride with me, hop in the passenger seat, I have everything I own in the back seats. " She climbs in as Ghost sits in the passenger seat, turning on the radio to 'Suddenly I See' and staying quiet during the whole ride to a very nice house of Price's and Nikolai's. She actually followed them while singing the song, Ghost being enamored by her skills. In some ways, Rachel is very special. As they arrive at the house, Rachel climbs out and opens the door to the back, Soap and Gaz jogging up to help her with her things. " Oh thanks you two. " " We got all of it, Price wants to talk to ya inside. " Soap relays, having Rachel go immediately to the house and into the living room. Price and Nik are sitting on the couch, allowing her to sit with them in the middle with a sigh of relief. " This couch feels nice... Alright, did you have something you want to talk to me about? " " Yes, we'll be leaving tomorrow night at 9 PM for the cruise so you'll have time to sleep in. I was thinking of also falling asleep and I spoke to Nik about you sleeping in our guest room or with any of us. " She can't be bothered to be flustered, sleep sound so good right now. " If ya don't mind, that nap with you two sounds lovely. Are the others also joining? " " Yeah, we talked about it and texted Ghost. Come on, we're all tired, let's sleep. " Within a few minutes, Rachel is in the middle of a pile of sleeping men, cuddling into Ghost's chest and snoring. The bed is huge enough for more people (it's an Alaskan king-sized bed) and the blankets are nice and soft, which is just right for Rachel to fall asleep. + + + Chapter 1 - END - + + + (I hope you guys are enjoying the fanfic so far!) + + + Chapter 2: A New Beginning + + + Sometime in the early morning, Rachel is the first to wake up with everyone else still asleep before she creeps out of bed with the stealth and gentleness of a wolf, sneaking off to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. She was flattered by the idea of sleeping in, but mama wolf needs her coffee and early morning sunrise. As she sits on the counter of the kitchen, waiting for her coffee to brew, she listens to music on her phone with bluetooth earbuds in her ears while tapping the back of her ankle on the lower cabinet. Every now and then she checks the coffee brewer before grabbing a cup from the cupboard and getting off the counter, making herself a nice cup of coffee with an insane amount of creamer in it. She likes it sweet. Checking the time, Rachel takes her keys to her truck outside and grabs two empty suitcases before opening the back trunk of her truck, packing them full of her essentials and clothing for the cruise later tonight while singing a lovely song. She's making good time on getting prepared as she brings her two bags inside and leaves them at the couches, putting herself to work after putting her hair up into a messy bun. She keeps herself quiet as she cleans the house, sweeping instead of vacuuming to let the others sleep and scrubbing the bathrooms down nice and good of all germs and stains. While Rachel keeps herself busy, there is a knock at the door and she jumps over the couch after dusting the living room, opening the door and smiling. " Good morning you lot, the others are asleep but come in, I can get started on breakfast. " The group in particular is Alejandro, Rodolfo, Konig, Roach and Horangi. Quietly they all step inside and head to the kitchen, already having their own bags packed for the cruise while Rudy looks at Rachel.

Rumor Has It

Breakups. No one likes them, sometimes it's all the boyfriend's fault or it's all the girlfriend's fault. Sometimes it's caused by a bad confrontation, by a few rumors being spread, or betrayal. However there are times where a girl gets sick and tired of being used for pleasure and emotional support, only to leave the next morning with everything she owns. Those types of breakups are freeing. Very freeing. And where does this particular girl end up going? Outside and out there for the whole world to see, taking a good couple years of time to herself. Who is she? Local bartender Rachel Hargreeves, she is a very skilled and trained bartender with an incredible educational background. Perfect A+ student in school, learned all there is to know about bartending and philosophy of everything, and made a reputation for being the best damn bartender there is. (Lil sneak peek of her actual look)

+ + + Her story begins after a very explosive breakup, leaving with her things and going to the bar on an early Saturday morning. Last night she had a very busy Friday night and worked overtime, but her boyfriend didn't like that. She was always there for him and supported his new endeavors but when he started scolding her about not being home on time, Rachel had enough and gained the courage to put him in his place. It was a liberating moment for her but she knew she couldn't stop to relish in it yet until she packed the last box of her personal items into her truck, gave back that prick the spare key, and drove off. Funny enough, the song 'The Dog Days Are Over' began to play as she drove through town to the bar. There's been a few times she's stayed there to sleep during the busy days, but now she has to look for a new place to stay. " Morning Rachel, enjoy your night? " Quickly Rachel turns around and smiles, brightening up this man's day. " Good morning Rupert, you should know, I was busy all night! But I should be honest, I just went through a very explosive breakup with that prick Richard and I could use a gin and tonic this early. Or a tall glass of Smirnoff's. " Rupert chuckles a bit. " I'm glad to see it isn't stopping you though, I never kept a girl worth a damn my whole life and it's never stopped me. " Rachel giggles a bit as the bar begins to fill up around 10:30, a few army-looking men walking in and sitting at the same booth. Luckily Rachel knows these gents, they all work at the military base in town and often frequent here. With a notepad in one hand, Rachel walks over to the four. " Price, gentlemen, nice to see you all today again. " She smiles as Price looks at her with a grin. " Morning Rachel, still on the clock? " While everyone else saw only her smile, Rachel sighs in defeat. " If I'm being honest Price, I haven't had a day off in 4 months and I just got out of a bad relationship, I need a vacation. " Gobsmacked, Soap drops his jaw as he looks at her with a look saying 'are you fucking nuts??' before Rachel looks at him. " Yes, I'm that crazy. " Ghost with his arms crossed tilts his head as he enters the conversation. " Do you have anywhere to stay? " " For permanent stay, nope. I got in touch with Larry about me staying here for a while until I can get back on my feet, and he's letting me stay for as long as I need. I'm not going to abuse that though. " Rachel responds while taking everyone's order for drinks and food, not noticing Ghost standing up and hugging her. Surprised, Rachel gasps before relaxing into the hug, god she's always felt so safe in Ghost's arms... However they're not in a shared bed, and she has work to do so she pulls away and ignores the blush crawling onto her cheeks. " Didn't know you were a softie, sorry, I just... god I needed that. Thanks Ghost. I'll be back with everyone's orders in a few minutes! " And just like that she's off to bus other tables, being grateful for the roller-skates she's wearing for ease of access. In less than 10 minutes, everyone who had things ordered are already drinking and eating but while the group watch Rachel do her magic at the bar, they get to talking. " So gents, Rachel's been a dear to us all for as long as we've been here... I propose we take her on vacation. " Price offers, looking at Ghost. " You've got more than 5 years worth of vacation time, Soap and Gaz too. Any ideas? " " I'm not sayin' no, neither is Soap so uhh... the beach in Venice? " He tilts his head as he watches Rachel have a chat with Larry and also some of the regulars, gliding around and making all sorts of intricate alcoholic drinks. " Maybe we go on a cruise to Venice? Wouldn't hurt, I've been keeping those tickets for a while. " Price also adds on, watching Ghost nod in agreement with the other two getting excited. " I got enough for all of us, not just this group. I'm talking about Horangi, Konig, Roach, Ale and Rudy. And Nik too. "

[lokisprettygirl]

Mystery of Laufey Manor (Loki x Female Reader) (Horror Au)

Read chapter 8 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 9

Summary : Seduction is an art and loki seems to be a pro

After you finished reading the Letter you flipped the paper, and it had his home address and telephone number. You could have been in touch with him all this time, after pondering over it for minutes, you got up and grabbed your purse, he gave you the card for his hotel, you nervously dialed the number 

"Hello, Bel Casa Hotel, how may I assist you?" 

"Umm can I get in touch with Mr. Loki laufeyson please" you asked the working attendee to connect you and he made you hold for a minute, probably confirming it with Loki.

"Thanks for your patience mam, I'll transfer your call now" 

You thanked him and you could feel your heart beating so fast as you waited to hear his voice

"Hello darling, I was afraid you won't let me make it up to you" 

"I found your letter" you clenched your eyes as you felt extremely nervous to talk to him

"Did you read it ?" 

"I did..I did yes" you mumbled and you could hear him sighing on the other side

"I have missed you love" his voice came out all breathy as he said that, it made you shiver, in a good way, in a very good way

"I have missed you too but..I.. I don't understand what's happening here" you didn't, did he want to date you? You remember him saying that he wanted to court you.

"May I see you tomorrow? I don't think that conversation is best suited for telephone" he told you and you nodded before realizing that he can't see you. You do have to see Bruce Tomorrow though,

"I uhh actually..I have to go on a date with this guy" he got quiet as you said that , too quiet but then he spoke after few seconds

"Is this man courting you?" He asked you and you turned to your side as you played with the cord of the telephone. You wondered if he'd be jealous of him.

"We are going on our first date tomorrow, he's a cop" 

"Do you fancy him lady y/n?" He asked you and you bit on your lips 

"A little, he..he has been really nice since I was all alone here and he took care of me" 

Sure he checked on you once in a while, but you didn't fancy him at all, you found him nice and sweet and you wished you were into him but he didn't excite you, it wasn't him that clouded your every waking thought, it wasn't him you thought of before you went to sleep, but he didn't need to know that, you wanted to rile him up a little bit for leaving you without seeing you.

"You lie so efficiently, Miss y/n" 

"I'm not lying, why would you say that Loki?" He chuckled and then he got too quiet again

" I for one know that you desire me as much as I do. You think I do not remember that last night when I had you in my lap? When you were so wild and willing in my arms? A shaking moaning mess as you swirled on my thighs? You really think I would forget the look on your face when you wanted me to take your body and use it for our pleasure?" 

You let out a gasp as he finished his words, the rumble in his voice made every inch of your skin tingle with anticipation, you couldn't stop thinking about having him speak to you like that while he was on top of you. Whispering filthy words as he would thrust in and out of..

"Earth to madam" you snapped out of your thoughts as he pulled you back to reality

"You can't..you can't say stuff like that" 

"Does it bother you or make you feel discomfited darling? I would never speak to you in such a manner if that's the case" he asked you in a serious, strict tone. You weren't uncomfortable, not at all, and you didn't want him to take this away from you, he had no idea what he was doing when he was being this way.

"It doesn't bother me Loki, nor I'm uncomfortable but it does make me feel flustered, I .. nobody has ever talked to me like this before" 

"That's a shame, truly it is, because you deserve to be debauched in every possible way my love. And I would love to be the man who gets the honor of ruining you"

"Fuck loki" you couldn't help but moan, his words went straight to your core, the man was legit talking dirty to you and being respectful about it at the same time. 

"Oh you will ..patience.. go on that date tomorrow my little darling. When you come back I'll be waiting for you in your home. Go and disenchant yourself with another meager man if you wish to do so but you know the truth. You'll come back to me craving the touch you need so badly, desperate to hear my voice whispering in your ears, you'll beg me to touch you by the end of the night"

 That was the best sleep you have gotten in months, once he hung up you couldn't stop smiling, you thought about him doing bad things to you until sleep came for you. Next day you got off work early because you had to go on the date. You put on a black dress, did your hair and make up, got yourself all prepped, but not for Bruce. Definitely not for him, and then you felt awful about it. You should have just denied going with him but you felt so lonely and you wanted to move on from Loki. 

One date, just one date won't hurt him. As you reached the restaurant, he wasn't there yet so you sat down and waited for him, he came running into the restaurant lookin all frazzled.

"Are you okay?" You asked him and he sat down

"Yeah i'm coming right from precinct, I'm sorry I didn't put much effort into getting ready especially when.." you looked at him and smiled 

"When you look so beautiful" you let out a little laugh. Okay he was cute. 

"Thank you and It's not a big deal, your work is important, something happened?" 

"Yeah but I don't want to talk about it if you don't mind"

"Of Course not" 

You smiled at him, but like Loki said he was there in your head, you thought about him every other second, after an hour or so Bruce dropped you home, you didn't feel the electric connection with him the way you did with Loki, but he was a sweet guy. He asked you if you'd like to see him again and as awkward as it was for you to say no, you didn't want to lead him on further. He seemed so sad so you hugged him, it was better this way, he seemed nice and didn't deserve to have his time and effort wasted.

As you walked to your apartment, Loki was waiting outside the door, you smiled as you looked at him 

"Why didn't you get in, you had the keys right? You didn't give them back to me" 

You took out your own keys to open the door and he was just staring at you

"Wouldn't want to intrude in your space like that" you both got inside and you put your purse down on the couch.

"So I suppose it didn't go well" you heard his deep gravelly voice from behind you so you turned to look at him

"Why would you say that?" 

"You wouldn't be here so soon if that wasn't the case" He had a point

"You want a cup of tea?" You asked him and he nodded, so you made your way to the kitchen, you heard the sound of his cane following you. 

You turned the stove on and put the kettle on, you felt nervous, so nervous but you were trying to not show him that. All of a sudden you felt him behind you, he had placed the cane right outside the kitchen, next to the door 

He grabbed your upper arms and locked them behind your back, he placed your left hand on your right one and held you in place, then pulled you into him, your back was pressed against his chest, you felt his lips on your skin and bare shoulders. He had black silk gloves on, that complemented his attire but you missed the sight of his beautiful hands. The touch of his lips on your skin made you shiver, his scent filled your senses.

"Lokii" you mumbled his name and pressed your head down on his right shoulder, he let go of your arms but you kept them in place like he wanted you to. He brought his hands up and one of them went over your eyes and another one rubbed against your cheek, then he ran them from your collarbone to your breasts, then he kept going lower and lower, you gasped as you felt his gloves fingers running on your inner thighs.

"Take the glove off please" you mumbled as you took a deep breath, he watched your chest heaving up and down slowly, he could hear the shuddering breaths you took with every touch.

"Mmhm? You want to feel my skin caressing yours love?" He whispered in your ears, his smoky voice made you feel drowsy 

"Pleassse" you whined as you pleaded him so he ran his fingers up from your thighs to your lips and he rubbed them over your lips, the dark red lipstick you had on was smudged around all over, then he put his index finger between your teeth which of course you didn't resist at all. 

"Bite on the fabric, not my finger darling" you felt in trance again, you have never felt this way before, nobody has ever touched you or talked to you like this, it felt so good, you felt a little scared, but more so aroused and you wanted to follow his every command. You wanted him to make you dance to his tunes as he would see fit.

You gripped the edge of the fabric between your teeth and then he pulled his hand away, taking the glove off them. His other hand still covered your eyes, you couldn't see anything but you felt every sensation and it multiplied ten fold as he took away one of your senses.

He snatched the glove from between your teeth and placed it on the countertop, then his hand went back under your dress and he started  rubbing circles on your inner thighs, you couldn't stop moaning in desperation. He was so close to your burning soaking heat , you just wanted him to touch you there, just once, just a brush against your clothed folds. That's how desperate you felt for him.

"You smell divine my love, but you didn't put this fancy dress on and got all dolled up for that man in uniform did you?" You shook your head immediately as you heard his question. 

"I did it for you, you drive me crazy, I'm so attracted to you it baffles me" he let out a throaty chuckling sound, your voice sounded so whispery, so whiny and he was pleased. 

"The tea is prepared, go back to the living room and sit down on the sofa, let me serve it to you " he removed his hand from your eyes and let go of you instantly after that, then he took a tray from the stand and placed two cups on it while you stood there all hot and burning for him.

He looked at you and you instantly turned on your heels and stepped out of the kitchen. You took a deep breath as you sat down on the sofa, he was teasing you, you knew that. Nobody has ever touched you like that before, the men you have been with before didn't make you dance over the edge of seduction, they didn't seduce you at all, you just went on dates, started dating them if there was mutual attraction and then you'd have sex with him. It wasn't bad or anything but you never had such a feeling before. He kept you afloat and drowned you at the same time

Once he returned to the living room, he handed you a cup of tea, and you instantly put it down on the coffee table. He bent down on his right knee in front of you and took your heels off one by one then you felt him massaging your ankles. He pressed his thumb on a sore spot and it made you sigh in relief. 

Then he stood up in front of you so you looked up at him. You got on your knees on the couch and wrapped your arms around him, as soon as your fingers trailed through the elastic band of the mask, he grabbed your hand in his 

"Let me see.. please" he grabbed both of your wrists and pulled you closer 

"I can't..not just yet" 

"Whyyy" he pulled your arms behind your back again, as if he didn't trust you with his mask, then he kissed on your neck

"Because it's nothing you'd want to see love, it's not exactly a bewitching sight and your perception of me with a mask and wig on is better preserved than you seeing me without one, as long as you don't see it, I'm just a man who keeps the mask on for fun, once you see what's behind it then I become the man with a disfigured face and bald head" 

"It wouldn't matter to me, it wouldn't change anything Loki" 

He put his head up and looked at you, then he shook his head. You ran your fingers down from his chest to his covered bulge, he was excited you could tell. You rubbed him over his pants and his breath hitched in his chest

"Stopp y/n" 

"You're killing me baby" his pupils dilated at the mention of the pet name. He was so restricted in the way he allowed you to get close to him, he wanted to touch you but he wouldn't let you do the same to him. 

"Not yet darling, not so soon" he chuckled and placed a kiss on your cheek 

"Drink your tea and get your sleep, I'm taking you out tomorrow, a rendezvous if you will, let me sweep you off your feet sweet y/n, I want us to know each other better before we get immersed into a sexual relationship" 

You bit on your lips, he was a tease of the highest order, but also a gentleman. He wanted to know you before he have sex with you, maybe chivalry did exist. 

"Mmm how chivalrous of you" you giggled and pulled yourself away from him and sat down on the sofa. He leaned over you and placed his arms on the back of the couch, trapping you between them, 

"Just being cautious love, don't get me wrong darling, you're very desirable and every man's wet dream. Your sexuality is dripping and I want to get saturated through and through but once I get you wrapped around me in every way, once I feel the heat of your core warming me up, once I get a taste of you and you get me Inside you, I won't let you go darling, you'll be mine forever. And you'd crave me too, you'd crave every inch of me again and again, but I'm not just ravenous for your body, I want your heart, I need you to love me darling"  

He leaned forward and kissed your forehead, his words engraved in your head, it fueled your desires for him even more. After you finished your tea, he took you to your bedroom and wished you goodnight. Then he went upstairs to stay the night. As he laid down in his bed, he fondled himself to the thought of you being so eager and wanton for him, he moaned as he thought of you rubbing your hands over his cock, you are so easy to please he could tell. All he had to do was flick his fingers all over your skin, whisper filthy words and you were a puddle in his hands. That's all it took for him to enchant you. Pure, innocent, sultry little y/n. 

""It wouldn't matter to me, it wouldn't change anything Loki" 

He thought of what you said today, then he smiled even though his eyes teared up. 

That's what they all said to him. All of them.

💀💀💀💀💀💚💚💚💚💀💀💀💀💀💀

Taglist : @soumya-13     @nonsensicalobsessions     @michelleleewise     @ladymischief11     @keegansakura     @perhaps-just-june     @daddylokisqueen     @chaotics17     @colifower @crystalmoon-13

 @wheredafandomat  @snigdha-14    

@vbecker10     @rat-p1ss   @howdidurhammergrowchris     @xorpsbane     @xpixiedevilx     @thatsolarflare @apine7    @sweatyroadcowboyjudge    @jadep2003   @hayden429   @asgardianprincess1050

@elenaysusneuras   @christineblood  @cruel-kitten  @evansstanacklescavillthotforever @buckybarnesandmarvel  @huntress-artemiss

[poisonmaximoff]

BELATED FATE (Elizabeth Olsen x FemReader).

The whole story: here.

Chapter 9. Calm before the storm

Y/n's POV:

Carefully laying Elizabeth on the sofa in a comfortable position and covering her with a blanket, I begin to clean up the mess in my apartment. I hope she didn't think I was a total slob who couldn't live on her own.

Approaching a small glass table, on which half-empty glasses and food containers are left, I find myself admiring the sleeping beautiful body in a kind of funny pose. Apparently, she doesn't like sleeping in normal positions, so she threw a pillow on the floor, dangled one leg off the couch, and placed her bent arm over her face, ruffling her hair as she did so.

It never ceases to amaze me that such a powerful career woman can sometimes look so adorable and vulnerable. I slowly remove her hand and hair from her stunning face so as not to wake her up, just as slowly I put her leg back on the sofa and a pillow under her head. The clock now shows only almost 6 p.m., so she will probably wake up a bit later. I wonder if she will stay here for the night or decide to go home. I know in my head that the first option is something that I can't allow, but my heart will boycott me if I refuse it.

After I'm done with cleaning, I decide to eat the rest of the sushi and watch a couple more movies. The sound of the TV doesn't seem to interfere with Elizabeth's sleep in the slightest, and several hours fly by without me noticing as I sit on the couch and at the same time make sure that she sleeps peacefully.

By 10 p.m. I'm already finishing another thriller, and the sleeping beauty next to me begins to stir.

"Y/n? Oh my god, what time is it and what day is it?" She squints at the subdued light in the room, looking around in confusion as if she had just woken up from a five-year coma.

"Oh, you're still alive. Welcome back, you've been asleep for almost three days, El." I sound as serious as ever.

"What?!" Her eyes instantly go wide and she almost falls, tangled in a blanket, looking for her phone. It's the funniest reaction I've ever had from her and that's why I can't help but start laughing at her shocked state.

"Why are you laughing? Oh my god, my head is spinning, shut up! She picks up her phone and I immediately meet her "are you fucking kidding me" face. "Asshole! I only slept four hours or so. And by the way, I think I'm still a little drunk. Wait, why do you seem totally okay?" Her facial expression is replaced by suspicion now. Oops.

"Maybe because I know my limits, hmm?" I tease her a little, but she just frowns back and looks down at the floor.

"Sorry. I should probably go home then." What? No no no, it's absolutely not what I wanted.

"El, wait, I didn't mean it like that at all, I'm so sorry, I didn't wanna hurt you. It's okay, really, I just drank very little and you can stay the night, I can't let you go home so late and in such a state" I take her hand, hoping that sincerity is heard in my voice and she will listen to me.

"Are you sure?" she asks and turns her hand so that our palms are touching.

"Yes, of course, I'll give you clean clothes and a new toothbrush."

Before she can answer, her phone rings and she furrows her brows as she glances at the screen. "Sorry, one minute, Y/n." Sighing, she picks up the phone.

"Yes, Boyd?" Shit, I forgot about him at all. Again. She probably needs to go home.

"No, I'm with my friend now and I'm gonna stay here for the night." Yay, I won this time.

"I already told you everything and now I have no desire to sort things out. We'll talk tomorrow. Yes. Bye." She hangs up and I patiently wait for what she's going to say.

"Sorry. It's just that things aren't going smoothly for us right now, and I'm sorry that you witnessed it again." She says pursing her lips.

"It's okay, it happens in any relationship. So you stay tonight, yes? You can take any clothes in my closet on the second floor near the bedroom.  The bathroom is there too. Make yourself at home."

"Thank you, Y/n, really. I appreciate your care," she says with a shy smile, and we start to get ready for bed.

The next morning, I apparently wake up earlier than Elizabeth, since the apartment is in complete silence.  Looking into the bedroom where she is, I find her still deeply asleep in a funny position again. It's only 6:15 a.m. now, so I quietly close the door and go downstairs. For the first time in years, I got up this early because I spent the whole night thinking about the woman in the next room. How did it happen that in such a short period of time we became that close? Or I just like to think so.

I have no plans for today other than meeting Olivia in the afternoon. I took a day off, and Elizabeth's work day starts at 10 a.m., so I make a mental note to wake her up at 8 o'clock so she can go home and change her clothes. Wait, we came here in my car, so I have to drive her again then. Well, I'm her assistant and driver now, excellent!

I quickly finished my morning business, got some coffee and donuts (by the way, walking in the mornings isn't so bad), and when I got home, I went to the room of my dear guest.

"Hey, Ellie, wake up, you have to go to school." I lightly shake her shoulder.

"Another five minutes please, mom." She slowly opens her sleepy eyes and I swear I will never stop admiring these rare emeralds. "Wait, what school? Y/n! Stop teasing me!" she says covering her face with her hands and I let out a small laugh.

"Come on, get up, it's already 8 a.m., you don't want to run headlong to work, do you? Are you feeling okay?"

"Definitely better than last night.  What is it that smells so good?"

"Come downstairs and find out." I promise her while admiring how awesome she looks in my t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

In fifteen minutes we enjoy our breakfast and casually talk about our plans for today.

"What's it like to have a weekend in the middle of the work week, hm?" she asks, smiling and taking another bite of her donut.

"Amazing, you should try it someday, you know." The poor woman works too much.

"Maybe, maybe." Her gaze falls just below my lips and I see her reach for my chin with her hand. Her thumb slowly runs over it, lightly touching my lower lip, and I don't even dare to move, silently waiting for an explanation of her action. Her touch feels like an electrical discharge on my skin, which almost causes me a brain stop.

Immediately the casual conversation is replaced by a slight tension in the air as she just as slowly removes her hand from my face.

"You had chocolate on your chin," she says in a half-whisper, and I can only nod and say small "thank you". Here we are, I'm nervous again.

"So...I'll drive you home and then go see my friend, alright?"

"You don't have to do this, Y/n, I can call a taxi." My nervousness seems to be transferred to her too.

"But it's literally on my way, so I don't see it as a problem." I reassure her and we soon leave my apartment after finishing our breakfast.

Our road passes in almost complete silence, probably due to what happened a little earlier. At least my thoughts still refuse to leave those ten seconds that seemed like an eternity to me. Suddenly the silence is broken by the ringing of her phone, it's probably Boyd.

"Yes, Danny? Her face is instantly adorned with a wide smile. Weird, but it's the first time I hear this name from her. To be honest, she told me so little about her friends for some reason, and I'm not a fan of asking people about their personal lives, so...

"I didn't know that you had already arrived, why didn't you warn me? Yes, with pleasure. I have a break from 1 to 3 p.m., will you be free? See you then, love ya." Hey, she what? I don't like it, though I have no right to.

"Can you imagine, my friend whom I haven't seen for two months finally came back from filming. And your friend too, what a coincidence!" I quickly glance at her and meet her sincere smile and excitement.

"Yes, it's really great. Are you going to see him today?"

"Yup. And by the way, would you like to meet him? And I'll get to know Olivia at the same time, plus I think that they will find a common language, since both are actors."

"Oh, we're gonna hang out at "Bestia" today and I think she won't mind if y'all join us. Or you can choose another day if today is not convenient." Well, I have to see this mysterious Danny, right?

"Okay, I'll call you later then, see you, Y/n" she says as we approach her house.

"See you too, Elizabeth" I answer her and pull out my phone to call Liv, as I watch her disappear behind the door.

"So basically you're in love with her?"  Olivia asks with a cheeky grin, wiggling her eyebrows and taking a sip of her cocktail after I told her everything.

"What? Liv, we've only been friends for two weeks and..."

"Let me guess, and you've already created an imaginary world inside your head where your work romance blossomed into a happy family life, huh?" Sometimes she can be extremely annoying.

I decide not to answer, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at her with a displeased look.

"Y/n, don't look at me like that. Okay, sorry, sorry, please continue."

Okay, this is better. "I'm not in love with her because I'm good at controlling my feelings. The experience with Taylor taught me a lot, so I'm not going to even think about a relationship with El. I'm serious." The absolute truth left my mouth, didn't it?

"You actually better not catch any feelings, since it's probably gonna hurt a lot in the future. You know what I mean, Y/n? I'm worried about you and wish you the best, you know. You can't let whatever is going on destroy your heart and sanity, so please be careful." I appreciate her concern a lot, but I'm more than capable of taking care of my own mental health and not letting myself fall in love with Elizabeth.

As soon as I start thinking about her, my phone immediately lets me know about the incoming call from El, she seemed to feel that, which was a little funny.

"Yes, El, are you free already?" I ask after she greets me and asks if everything is still on.

"Yeah, we're gonna be there in ten minutes or so" she says.

"Okay, we'll be waiting then, see you soon." I hang up and take a sip of my whiskey & coke. Finishing my drink, I decide to sit on the couch next to Olivia so El and Danny can sit across from us. Getting comfortable, I put my head on her shoulder, as I already feel tired after an almost sleepless night, and Liv puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey Y/n, that must be them, right?" I look up and see Elizabeth, dressed in a elegant gray suit with a plain black tie, and next to her is a tall, dark-skinned man.

"Yes, it's them," I say and raise my hand so they can see us.

"Hi Y/n, hi Olivia, nice to meet you" she shakes my friend's hand and introduces Danny to us. Something about him is kind of...weird, but I don't pay much attention to it. As we all sit down at the table and begin to choose food and drinks, I periodically notice his lingering glances at Elizabeth. He examines her face, hands, body parts, and most importantly, I don't see a hint of lust in his eyes. And that can only mean one thing: someone has feelings for my boss. This thought in itself isn't very pleasant to me, because the number of men surrounding El begins to sow a little annoyance in me.

During our conversation, I see that he takes her hand from time to time and she seems completely oblivious to everything. Even though Liv and I do the same thing all the time, it's different. Elizabeth's attentive eyes catch our casual touches and squint as they flick between us.

"And after that, Lizzie is wildly afraid of clowns" Danny says, holding a hand on Elizabeth's shoulder as she blushes hiding her face, as we try to catch our breath from laughing at his story. Well, Liv is trying and burying herself in my neck, and I'm pretending I haven't been focused on their physical contact the whole time. If I didn't know, I'd have thought that they were a couple.

Deciding I needed to take a little break, I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. Leaning over the washstand, I take a deep breath, trying to calm the inexplicable emotion of anger that is gradually taking control of me. Usually I'm a calm and balanced person, but sometimes I can be pissed off quite easily.

"Y/n?" Her voice is heard behind me, but now it doesn't bring me any comfort. All I can feel is an incomprehensible irritation that grows in me little by little.

"Yes?" I try to sound as calm as possible.

"Are you feeling well? You look very stressed right now." The concern in her voice is clearly audible.

"Just got fucking tired of your constant sweet coos, that's all" I didn't have the strength to contain my outburst of negativity due to the strongest emotions mingling in me: disappointment that I can't have Elizabeth completely in my life, I don't even have the right to be mad or jealous, fatigue and constant moral torture of myself.

Turning to Elizabeth, I'm immediately met with her surprised expression, which after a few seconds was replaced by an attacking one.

"So you can be all over your girlfriend, but I can't be tactile with my best friend? Where is your logic, Y/n, hm?" We begin to transfer all our emotions to each other again.

"Oh my god, you should've seen yourself from the side." Realizing that I can destroy everything we have if I continue, I decide to leave right now and finish this talk with Elizabeth when I come to my senses.

[hesbuckcompton-baby]

I Stayed There - Eugene Sledge x OFC

Chapter 3 - The Child That Would Never Know Peace

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 /// Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9

Summary: Anna suffers the consequences of war, and Eugene yearns to return home

Warnings: Death, grief, strenuous mother/daughter relationship

Word Count: 2.8k

Tags: @cagzzz107

A/N: Character's names in bold italics indicate a change in POV

-

Anna

I became accustomed to grief soon enough. By the third time it happened, I was almost numb to the way my heartbeat stopped and sour bile rose in my throat when I heard my mother's anguished wails echoing from the front porch.

Richard died first. Then John. They were killed on Guadalcanal, Richard only a few days after Charlie had shipped out and the last brother I had left had slipped through my fingers. They'd been killed so close together that I'd barely had time to learn to breathe again after Richard died, that the army was showing up at our door again to deliver news of John's death. After that it became a waiting game. My mother and myself sat on opposite couches, staring blankly at the floor, picturing all the things that could happen to Charlie in Europe. Every morning I woke up and realised he could already be gone - that they were on their way to tell us, and we just didn't know it yet.

I became so accustomed to grief that I had begun to feel it before they were even dead.

The life inside the house had gone, photos of my father and three oldest brothers lined up along the mantel like a tribute to the dead, Charlie's photograph framed on the side table as if it was just waiting to go up alongside the others.

Three months after John had died, in the early days of May, I headed up to my mother's room to wake her, as it was already more than an hour past when she would usually appear. The upstairs hallway was eerily quiet, lined with empty bedrooms that we hadn't dared touch since their inhabitants had gone. Her room was at the end of the corridor, and when I pushed the door open it took my eyes a moment to readjust to the dimness.

It was almost midday, but in that room, it was dark enough to be night. The curtains were pulled so tightly shut that not a sliver of light made it through, and my mother was lying on top of made sheets, fully dressed, curled up on her side in silence and breathing so slowly it was almost imperceptible.

"Ma," I called softly out to her. "Ma, you gotta get up, Belle and Larry will be here with the baby soon." My cousin and her husband were dropping by later that day, touring the homes of the extended March family in a bid to show off their newborn son.

"I don't want them here." My mother spoke, her voice hoarse and dull.

"Ma-"

"Can't they come back another day? I don't want to see anyone today."

I sighed, my shoulders slumping. It was as if the roles between us had been reversed, as if in her grief my mother had become dependent on me, like I was the parent and she was the child making a tired plea for permission to avoid her obligations.

"They're going back to Tennessee tomorrow, they have to come today," I explained, in the tone that an exhausted parent might use with a child.

"Well, I'm not coming down."

I sighed again. "Alright. Alright, fine, I'll see them on my own. I'll go put on some tea - do you need anything?"

"No." She said quietly, rolling over so that she was facing away from me, effectively ending the dispute.

I was miserable. Completely, utterly miserable. Everything I'd so mournfully predicted the previous summer seemed to be coming true, and I had to turn away from the kitchen counter to stop my salty tears from landing in the tea I was preparing. I missed everything about the way things were. I wanted more than anything to hear Bobby's laugh again, to cheer from the crowd at one of Richard's football games, to feel John's hugs again. I wanted Charlie to come home, to save himself and spare us from the final loss that I wasn't sure my mother would ever be able to come back from.

Some mornings, when I woke up early to frost gathering on my windowsill, I imagined that Eugene was standing outside, throwing snowballs against my window, so vividly that sometimes I thought it was real.

But it wasn't. No one came around anymore except to offer their condolences. We were the family upon which the town unloaded their sympathy - posting cards under the door, leaving flowers on the porch, as if we would contaminate them with our losses if they actually spoke to us.

I'm pretty sure that everyone encounters one definitive moment in their life when they realise their childhood is over and that their life will never be tinted with that sense of innocence ever again. Mine was that day.

-

When our guests arrived, I set out three teacups on the table and made some excuse about how my mother had a cold and wanted to stay upstairs to avoid making the baby sick, and that she was probably sleeping so they should avoid going up to see her.

"That's a shame," Belle said. "Catherine always loved babies, I always thought that was why she had so many," She chuckled.

I paused for a moment, the teapot in my hand making my shoulder ache as I held it still in mid-air. "One would assume."

Larry hovered by the mantel, hands folded behind his back as he examined the photos. "Who's this?" He asked, pointing to one.

Belle cleared her throat loudly and shot her husband an uncomfortable look. "That's Richard, my brother," I said quietly.

I watched his face as he thought about my answer and seemed to remember exactly what made my family so fucking special. His expression fell sharply, and he bowed his head slightly, stepping back from the mantel.

At that moment it was hard to fight the feeling of resentment that threatened to prick at me. Hard to try not to scowl at the people sitting across from me because how dare they come into my house and not even bother to remember what had happened to my brothers - to their own family - as if they hadn't posted flowers and a hurriedly written condolence card. I realised then that they were so wrapped up in parading their new baby about the place that it had simply slipped their mind that they were supposed to care about my life in the same way they expected me to care about theirs.

I wanted them to get out.

But instead, I poured myself a cup of tea and took a long sip, letting the silence sit and settle in the room until they were just as uncomfortable as I felt.

Belle was the first to speak up and break it. "Would you like to hold the baby?"

"I suppose," I replied icily, setting my saucer down on the table as she stood up, the child letting out a gurgled coo as I held out my arms to receive him.

He was lighter than I had expected, and as I held him he blinked up at me slowly, his tiny fingers flexing, his whole body enveloped in layers of cotton and muslin. And my heart hurt for him. I ached for the innocence I saw in his eyes, in the face of a child born into a world at war, a world that was tearing itself apart all around him. It hurt to know that he would never be able to say he remembered life before war - that he would grow up surrounded by people like me who had been hurt and torn by it and never know it as anything but normal. He would see the world in a way I would never be able to understand, and I pitied him for it.

I felt his fingers close around my thumb, his entire palm scarcely larger than the pad of my finger, and I managed to crack a smile for the child that would never know peace.

-

Eugene

I remember being crouched in some shitty hole somewhere, shoulders hunched inwards when the mail came. Wiping the mud off my palms to avoid ruining the paper as I accepted my stack - four letters in total - and sifted through them. One from Sid, from Ma, my brother. And one from Anna.

Tearing into it without hesitation, I had to momentarily slow myself down to avoid ripping the letter itself. Reading the first few lines, I was interrupted by the sound of laughter.

"That letter sure seems special," Snafu grinned, crouched atop a rock outside of my hole.

I shrugged, trying to get back to reading. "Just a friend."

"A friend? What's his name?"

"Anna."

His interest seemed piqued, and I immediately regretted my response. "A broad? Well, tell me you got a photograph."

My hand twitched towards the breast pocket of my shirt before I could think, and Snafu made a dive for it, my dirty hand failing to tear the photo from him as he snatched it. He held it in both hands, brow raised a little and a mischievous grin beginning to spread across his cheeks. "A blonde friend," He chuckled. "Seems I misjudged you, Sledgehammer."

"Y'know unlike you I actually do have the decency to be friends with women," I spoke irritatedly, launching myself up from where I was sitting and grabbing it from him, shoving the photo back into my pocket with less care for keeping it uncreased than keeping it private. "Just mind your damn business."

When you return home from war, people always want to know what you thought about whilst you were there - what tethered you to home, what lulled you to sleep, what kept you sane when the sky lit up with fire. They expect answers filled with romanticism - that I imagined my childhood sweetheart or my mother kissing my forehead - but in truth, war twists your mind until it doesn't feel like your own, and it's hard for me to place myself in those shoes without feeling as if I'm looking in on someone else's life.

When I thought of home, it wasn't rose-tinted or peaceful. I could hear the sound of Anna's beer bottle breaking, shattering over and over in my mind as she got up and stormed away from me. When I remembered the pair of us bobbing up and down in that lake, I didn't think of the way the warmth of her skin had soaked through the sodden fabric of her dress and into my palms, or the way the water had rested in droplets on her eyelashes. I thought of the murky depths that had spread out beneath me, of the icy void that I could have sunk into had I not been more careful, the same way Bobby March had met his grim fate later that year.

I looked back on my life at home and saw the way things had already been falling apart around me without me even noticing, like wallpaper peeling away in the corner, hidden behind some bookcase and entirely unnoticed until you move everything around years later and find the gap where it fell away infested with dank, black mould.

And yet I yearned for home. It was easy to distract myself from it, but when I found myself waiting for the fighting to start, I felt hollow from missing it so dearly. I wanted to ride my bike down the long country roads with Sid the way we used to as kids, the pedals whirring round and round so fast that our feet blurred and our knees hurt, wind whipping past my ears so loud that I could barely hear him whooping beside me. I wanted to be back at the March's house the night of Anna's birthday dinner when she was eleven, slouching in an armchair, warmed by the fire as she lay contently on her stomach at my feet, her face lit orange by the flames as she poured over her book. I wanted to be everywhere, all at once - anywhere that wasn't here.

I can't remember what Anna's letter had said, and I shamefully confess to having lost a stack of them in Peleliu which were probably trampled into the thick mud before anyone noticed they were there. But I can remember the feeling of relief that I felt whenever I heard from her. When I look back on it I think that Anna was the strongest tether I had to home back then - stronger than Sidney, stronger than my parents, even. Her letters were always longer than everyone else's, and she had a knack for knowing exactly what I was interested to hear. Sidney only ever wrote about what seemed important, and my mother wrote about local gossip in arduous detail until I became so bored I only skim read her letters.

But Anna knew how to keep me tied to all the interesting things I missed about home. She only told me when our old classmates got married to complain about how boring their new spouses were, and knew how to toe the line between making home a place I ached to return to and somewhere I was glad not to be at present.

And then, one by one, I started receiving newspaper clippings of the March brothers' obituaries.

-

Anna

Charlie died in March 1945.

Somehow, in the two years since John's death, I had convinced myself that Charlie could make it. That he hadn't died yet, so he probably wouldn't, and people kept saying the war could end soon, so surely he'd be fine. That, unlike my other brothers, he had gone to Europe rather than the Pacific, and that somehow that might make a difference.

But it didn't. He took a bullet to the skull on the Russian front and died right there and then, his blood staining the snow a horrible scarlet. My mother and I had spent the last two years trying to heal ourselves, only for any semblance of peace we had found to be ripped from us again.

I had been the one to answer the door when they came to tell us. I had held myself together, my jaw clenched so tight I was scared I'd chip a tooth, and sent them away with a silent nod. I'd stood by the window and watched them walk away until they passed the end of the drive before letting out the most guttural wail I could muster, my sobs so coarse they left my throat raw for days.

Ma had known what it meant when the army knocked at our door, and it had been confirmed when she'd heard my cry. She locked herself in her bedroom and I didn't see her, even once, for two days. No one came down to wipe away my tears or to hold me close, no one's arms wrapped around me but my own. I can barely explain how much I wanted to hate her for leaving me down there alone, for letting the only child she had left sit and sob on the living room floor for three hours until the news reached Mary and she came running across town to see me.

Mary was the person who helped me into a chair, who stroked my hair until I was able to stop crying and then brought me a cup of tea to soothe my painful throat. Mary was the person whose shoulder I rested my head on as she spoke any words of comfort she could muster and stayed with me through the night when I couldn't sleep for the insatiable urge to cry.

Everything my mother should have done to help me in the days after Charlie had died, Mary did. She barely spoke, and yet she was what kept me sane. Years later I'm not angry with my mother anymore for leaving me alone, as I do not know the pain of losing a child and pray I never will. But back then I felt forsaken, forgotten. As if I had been disregarded in favour of her wallowing, as if the children she'd lost had become infinitely more important than the one she still had.

I think I hated her for a little while after that. She had made me feel alone in my own house when she could've allowed me to share in her pain, and I suppose at the time it had felt like a betrayal.

If those months between Charlie's death and the end of the war had been good for anything, it would've been for the bond then strengthened even more between Mary and me. And when Sidney came back it was almost as if I was offered the chance to go back to the way things were before.

But nothing would ever be the same as it was before.