#i can't respond to rp's i enjoy with partners i enjoy. i can't write fics about prompts and premises that i like.
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okay so the tags on that last post got me feeling those melon collies so i'm just gonna. tagdump in here. slightly sensitive topics? so uh. scroll down (or press J to jump to next post). or read my thoughts like the morning paper. sorry. cheers.
#edit: oh cool the mature content warning doesn't actually hide the tags? that's fucked.#i'll drag these to the top hopefully it'll push some lines back#one last space-filler tag for the road - weird brain thoughts afterwards#i dunno i'm just. i do not have a sense of self. i do not have a sense of identity.#essentially anything i can ascribe to myself is worn in the same vein that it fits close enough.#like clothes picked out after hours of unsuccessful shopping and im just tired and want to go home#am i a writer? sure. i write decently. i have a decent grasp of sentence structure. puts me leagues above plenty of other writing i see.#but then when i actually decide that i should write something i'm just filled with dread.#i can't respond to rp's i enjoy with partners i enjoy. i can't write fics about prompts and premises that i like.#am i a gamer? sure. i got multiple consoles; multiple game sources for each console; a backlog of games ive had to catalog.#but when i try to pick one out to play i just. don't want to. nothing appeals. nothing looks fun. i ask for suggestions and i take none.#anything singleplayer i have to stream or it's not fun. anything multiplayer i have to coordinate with others until we get bored.#what do i *do?* what do i *enjoy?*#i can keep myself occupied if needed but at the end of the day im not fulfilled#am i a programmer? that's the closest thing to enjoyment i've gotten in a long time#but do i actually enjoy the act of programming or do i enjoy the result#where at the end of the day i can show off what i made and get lauded with praise#i get a similar sense of satisfaction when im doing tech support and pull something out my ass and everybody goes โwhoa how'd you do thatโ#the analogy that i've used a lot is how in some games at the start it's fine and fun#you're getting progression you're making progress you're learning and earning#but eventually it just. stops. there's more - not just in theory; it's right there! you can see it! - but it's just. so far away.#you can get there EVENTUALLY but it's just a grind. just a slogfest. there's more to unlock. more to explore. just sign in today. tomorrow.#keep coming back. you'll get there. eventually. it'll take forever.#now if this was an ACTUAL video game people would recommend that you stop and step away. does it spark joy? no? stop playing.#but ah. i can't quite stop playing this one.#and don't worry! i don't plan on putting down the controller! even though i mope and grump and weirdtalk my way down this hill#there is ZERO chance of me doing that.#but i ah. don't have a desire to keep playing.#it's a weird middle state to be in. don't wanna put down the controller. don't want to keep playing. i am just sitting here.#ive been attributing my more frequent thoughts on the matter to the whole roommate situation
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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers
Thanks for the tag, @sublightsleeper <3 Answers under the cut!
1. How many works do you have on ao3? That I claim as Mel? 10. In total? 18.
2. What's your total ao3 word count? 88,469.
3. What fandoms do you write for? Exclusively wrestling that I claim on here, but I've also written for comic fandoms, a single Fire Emblem: Awakening gift fic, and...other things I'd rather not name.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
1.) Moon Knight fanfic 2.) be my sunshine and sing (Max^2) 3.) Embarrassing fandom fic 4.) another embarrassing fandom fic 5.) mad that I gave half the day to last night (also Max^2)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do respond to comments - or try to, at least! Sometimes I just don't know what to say LOL
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Either when your prized possessions start to weigh you down OR i'm no good, I'm here for lust. Pick and choose between "cheating on each other with your respective exes but probably not going to leave with them permanently either" and "fellas, is it an asshole move to leave the guy who just sucked your dick to escape a genius loci?"
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Either mad that... (where Caster successfully gave the other Max his gift) or make those rainbows in my mind (because it was literally written to be non kayfabe compliant fluffy goodness).
8. Do you get hate on fics? Not yet. I hope I never have to.
9. Do you write smut? Very tentatively.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I've only written one crossover. It's a comic book fandom one crossing Stephanie Brown from the Batfam with a very specific Marvel Z-lister. Never finished it but it was fun while it lasted!
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nah.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Hell yeah I have #PBPRPexperience - I in fact literally just posted one a few days ago with @spaghettisaurusrex (grown on the edge of the ocean)!
14. What's your all-time favorite ship? Hmm. In fandom? IDK if I have an all-timer, TBH. I write a lot of shippy stuff but...
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? There was this MK fanfic I had a great idea for that never got past chapter one. Oops. Wrestling-wise I only have two, but they're definitely both things I'd love to pick up in the future: angels scream, searching for some love and understanding and heat it up (never live it down).
16. What are your writing strengths? I have no idea. Once an RP partner told me my sentences are like puzzles/gifts you have to unwrap with delicacy but not with difficulty, so I guess that! I also enjoy really getting into the POV character/s' heads and psyches so I'd hope that my attention to detail re: the narration feeling like a specific person is good.
17. What are your writing weaknesses? Finishing things, or its inverse of trying to push too hard to finish a work and getting burnout. Stringing events together in a way that doesn't feel uneven or abrupt in its transitions is also something I struggle with.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Usually do italics translations, but if I ever have the chance to slip Tagalog in I would! :)
19. First fandom you wrote for? Warrior Cats, baby!
20. Favorite fic you've written? Can't choose, really. I really like the MK fic, grown/the collaborative fairy tale AU, prized possessions, and the dark horse pick of never been so divine in accepting your defeat.
I tag El, @shes-a-voodoo-child, @limbreaper, @scissormedaddyass, and @pleasantpastels!
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