#i can't remember what tag i was using and this site is useless

[orangelemonsstuff]

Rose Android

Automation!Au Riddle x Scavenger!Reader

Summary: You found a disembodied head of an Android and put him back together again only to get a strict, rule follower, android to help you around

Tags: Angst & Fluff

this au is credits to @jackplushie

Is this how it's going to end?

he did well didn't he? so why did his mother threw him away?

he performed tasks perfectly, he did what she asked, he installed essential modules through his system to become knowledgeable, he became a perfect android for her so why..?

he only wished for her to have a freedom to go outside. that's all what he wished for.

"This one kept acting up on its own whether i order it or not, yes i did modify it to have it's own intelligence yet, it somehow remained lacking in... well perfection."

just to go outside to sightsee, is not perfection

What exactly should he do to reach her eyes? to show her he is perfect in everyway, he's the perfect android she created.

he didn't ask for anything big or extravagant, he just asked to see how the world is really outside.

"take it, sell it, do whatever you want with it. I have no more use for it anymore. although i do like how he look his face plate might be useful- ah nevermind leave his head alone in that big scrap dump site i just have another copy anyway and i feel that it's much better."

ah he remembers it, how painful it was when they ripped and torn his limbs apart, how of his torso was ripped apart from his head. his wired nerves still can feel it till this time and his creator, his mother. just watched how he get violated

but how could he even call her a mother when she wasn't even one?

maybe calling her 'mother' that one time is the reason why she threw him away, he had just learned what that word is he didn't mean to call her that at all

maybe that was his flaw.

since an assistant bot like him can be cheap and affordable his system stored in his head is technically useless to those scavengers but of course they didn't give his body any peace.

but his main system left in his head is still active, he couldn't even make out the muddy clouded sky with the warnings and notice prompt up to his eyes. still aware of the pain

the outside world is terrible. he shouldn't have asked to be here at all. so he could be with her still.

but-

was he really that useless and hated, his moth- creator had to call those scavengers to separate his parts that way?

maybe she found joy in his suffering after all

he doesn't know anymore. his mother completely abandoned him, thrown away in this dump, unloved.

his eyelids twitched, he felt something he had never felt ever. what was that called again? he couldn't remember without his code that installed his knowledge of everything. but it was something fiery and annoying, something he wishes to completely eliminate and get rid of.

"..ou see that?" someone is near

his left ear is the only thing that can hear his other is much more and completely damaged to the point of no use

but with the use of it he can hear the scattering, clanging of metal rubbish, as the steps get closer and closer. it seem like they weren't alone and talking to someone still he can't figure out what is since the steps are lone.

he can feel them, a human.

he couldn't see them at all, he could make out figure but they're not clear not as clear as the pop ups infront of his eyes

"...ain capacitor in his neck is still attached" system nerves that still works behind his skin felt rubber gloved hands carress him, and immediately flip it over rather gently

"can you speak?" he didn't answer, he can't. not that he would either he swore that he'll only follow the orders of his creator

the person continued to examine him flipping it over and over again while humming in a satisfied way

"hmm... i don't think i can sell this one" for some reason he felt satisfied that an imbecile of a scavenger can't get a use of his remaining parts at all

"--hy are.. you.."

"-have an idea" the voice recognition in his left is starting to give up as well yet he swore he could hear another voice together with the scavenger.

those were the words he lastly heard before he completely shut down, his whole system is giving up on him too, seconds remained on the last pop ups before he completely dies out. this is it

this is how it'll end after all

oh well, at least no one can said he didn't wish for his mother's praise and love at all

the only wish this android had.

to be loved and free.

Scanning... Complete!

Audio: Working.True

Vision: Working.True

Arms: Access.True/Left.accessible.incompatible/Right.accesible

Legs: Access.True/Left.accessible/Right.accesible.incompatible

Information Code: None, Consider Installing.

Android is: Stable to perform tasks

Overall Stability: Moderate. Please Change Parts to Compatibility.

he opened his eyes.

the mechanic buzz of his insides worked once again, his eyes weren't as sharp as before but he could see clear and properly, his ears were all working and he could feel his arms and legs once again.

what- how-

he's supposed to be alrwady gone weren't he? how did he get his body back? wasn't he a disembodied head earlier? he was supposed to fade into darkness or die as they should say!

he sight blurred few times before focusing, on the person sitting behind the screen of his charging station, sleeping peacefully

"Oi! he's alive, HEY! wake up" a grey android cat jumped into the persons stomach knocking them awake, coughing.

this person is...human.

when did his eyes had a scanner? or maybe it was intuition that had that conclusion. no, his eyes definitely upgraded to have a scanner. it showed him their vital points, their blood type, and other medical terms a doctor should see when checking up a person. did his new eyes came from a nurse bot? oh dear.

"Grim... that hurts... you should really remember you're not an actual cat" you held your stomach, recoiling in pain before looking up at him. your eyes brightened at the sight of his consciousness

"See! he's awake!" 'Grim' jumped down on your lap as you propered yourself up to stand and walk over to him

you removed the glass top capsule to remove him, discharging him off the port. with incompatibility of his right leg he fell right into their arms, yet you catch him perfectly fine. he didn't know if he was heavy or light that you weren't t falling when coming contact at him.

"Are you alright?" you asked sitting him down in a nearby office chair. he didn't answer

"hmm... I'm pretty sure your voice capacitor is still intact, how come you can't speak at all?" He still didn't answer. during his time on his creator's residence he wasn't allowed to make contact with the other doctors and scientists since he is only his creator's assistant even if he desire to talk to the others, she would shy him away from them. scolding him he should focus on his own studies.

"do you think his voice is still working?" Grim asked, paw up his chin

"it's still attached of course it is still working, HE just wouldn't speak" that's right, it'd be a rule breachment if he did talk to you. his creator would be mad at him if he does.

his creator?

his mother.

that doesn't feel right. he couldn't remember why he feels this strong edge on him, he's definitely not with her right now but he doesn't feel the desire to come back to her either.

"how bout turning it off n' on again? might work" The cat suggest as it climbed off the office chair near him

"i had reset him earlier already so no complications would impact his system but he still looks off doesn't he?" You said crouching down to meet his eyes but he yet to look down even more to avoid it

"yeah he's really different from the bodiless head before, good thing you managed to put him together with spare parts" Grim observed him sitting slouched down as you tilt your head in wonder, for some reason he looked like he doesn't have that much energy considering how he is positioned but his battery remained full

he also pondered and wondered something too

what exactly have you done to him? where did you find these body parts? you even managed to reset him without his actual body. HOW EXACTLY DID YOU MAKE HIM WORK AGAIN?

"yeah but still i think one his legs are incompatible, maybe i should shut down him again and remove both to che-"

".....the right one." he interjected, interrupting you before you get the idea of doing some procedures on his body without notice, it would be very unnerving to have both of his legs gone again

"It spoke./He spoke!!" Grim and You said in synchrony as you lift his head up with both of your hands

it's warm, you're warm like how a human should be.

you snickered as you prop him up properly again "try not put your head down too low from now on, your head or eyeballs might fall off" What.

the cap of the glass capsule he was in earlier was conveniently placed infront of him, it was so reflective he could see himself sitting so... poised

it was his turn to examine himself next

his face is stil the same as before, his eyes are the same color as what he has before the scavengers took it. he noticed a ribbon tightly attached to his collar, as if to stuck his head to the torso. he's wearing something similar to what a person would wear in a baroque tea party. the outfit is assorted in white, black, yellow and red accessories like the cape covering his back, the white rose corsage dripping in red, the sash draped on his waist and lastly, the golden crown on top of his head. he's dressed like a display doll rather than a assistant bot.

you notice how he tapped around his body trying to figure out what's up with the clothing you gave him

"do you like it? It was Grim that suggested i dress you that way, he said it fits your face" He don't know? he doesn't have a an opinion about it, what kind of android would be?

"Did you just played dress up with my body-- err head?" he asked frowning at you two with his eyebrows striking together.

"we didn't just dress you for fun though, well there might be a little fun in the process BUT THE POINT IS-"

"The point is, these garments serves purpose on holding you together so your body won't disassemble" You said as you look directly at his black grey eyes, those eyes really fit him.

you stood up from your position and went to your work table. picking up a staff that fabulously carved and designed.

"from now on you would be frail and delicate as a rose, that's why... here!" you hand him the staff hesitantly, hoping it'd be lightweight enough for him to carry

"you'll need it to get up and down the stairs or support your body if you have the feel to explore." you say, watching him examine the staff carefully

"but you still need to be careful until i found proper parts for your body, limit your movements okay?" you noticed how he looked a tad bit sad, he looks like a sad hedgehog

"Don't worry, I'm not forbidding you to go free on your own now, do whatever you want just as long you'd be careful so you won't fall-" you stopped talking when his gloves hand gripped the fabric of your shirt

"why exactly did you fix me? assuming this is your workplace and you are actually a mechanic, i didn't even have a body left anymore yet you still... " his mechanical voice startled you

"well, you're still working aren't you? it'd be such a waste now if a good android like you get discarded to no return" you held his gloved hand lifting it up to your face

"Do you have a name i can call you? hopefully i didn't reset your memory that much that you forgot it" you chuckled as your rub your fingers on his knuckles

it took him a few minutes to search his memory on what his creator used to call him before mumbling "....Riddle." and looking away from you

"Riddle right? then let me properly introduce myself.... and that gremlin over there is Grim" you snicker at the offended look of your android cat with your comment

"I, scavenger of the Ramshackle Lab, welcome you back to the world Riddle." your smile alone had made promises to him. taking your hand would mean he'll trust you like how he is to his creator

how could he not trust the one who fixed him?

you learned the hard way that Riddle had his own artificial intelligence even if he didn't got a code, when you found out he actually came from the Rosehearts Pharmaceuticals Enterprise AND the personal assistant bot to Mrs. Rosehearts herself you were to shocked you started to shriek, he scolded at you for being too loud at the information, although the restart you did at him did affect his memories and he can't seem to remember how exactly did he end up in a dumpsite where you don't usually explore it didn't affect his intelligence at all.

it was proven whenever he helps you at your workshop when you fix up Ace and Deuce or him alone, recommending tips on how to properly mend thr androids you keep

For some reason he is happy when you gave that house rulebook to him which he forcefully made the other androids to follow most of the times when you're around or not. you recommended him that he should tone down his strictness since it interferes with your work sometimes.

he did follow it and to your relief, cut the androids skme slack but of course the strictness was now directed at you. he's little bit of a worrywart, making sure you follow your schedule properly you definitely once assumed he'd cut your head off if you don't. you didn't mind, it's just his instinct to be a an assistant after all

other than that you were also happy he finally got along with the other especially at the HRTSLBYL Androids you assigned him to watch over. he's been really helpful

so why did Mrs.Rosehearts throw him out again? even worser he literally didn't have a body when you found him, yes of course the Rosehearts Enterprise is a huge deal, they have a lot of money to buy new androids to help them, but Riddle is likely stuck with her most of the times and some of his memories are from when he was helping her with work.

why exactly did Mrs. Rosehearts threw him away? let him be scavenged even.

is it because of his awareness?

a lot of androids you took in had their own mind of some sort, they have their own personalities and such but it never really bothered you since you finally had human like company surrounds you and not just soulless robots that follows around but is it really because of that awareness they get discarded for?

you look at him arguing with the two HRTSLBYL androids on the garden from the distance, his heels and staff sink to the ground in his fury targeted at Ace and Deuce.

maybe it's because they act more human than actual humans does.

"Why you little- The rules said-"

"I'm so happy you three are getting along" you walk over to them, chuckling at their antics

Riddle sighed, Ace and Deuce on the other hand brightens up and ran over to you complaining about Riddle being strict again

"They wouldn't even try cutting the hedge of the bushes, im trying to lecture them to do their jobs as androids." he scold, you laughed

"Cut us some slack Riddle, it's not like those bushes are going to be a tree and plus our battery drains out faster isn't that right?" Ace slinged his over your shoulder and ultimately clung to you wih a smug face that mafe Riddle fume even more

"Get your hands off them and do your job already OR ELSE IT'LL BE OFF WITH YOUR HEAD WITH THESE SHEARS" he turned red as the other two squeaked and ran off inside the house.

"What did i say about being to tight on those two? i know they are your favorite to drill on but still..."

"Hmph, it is only you that tolerates those twos behavior. my suggestion would be disciplining them to be proper androids to protect you or even help around" and now he's lecturing you, its this way how he acts is the reason why Ace and Deuce do more effort on avoiding him rather than following him

"It's alright Riddle, trust me. there's more things they can do other than gardening and helping around here." you try to convince him

"i don't get why you are in their defense, they don't follow rules at all." he contradict

"Rules are meant to be broken after all"

"no, they aren't. they are made to be followed"

"Come on now, Rules are ridiculous. i bet there's even a rule on that rulebook about one should not lay down on this very grassfield because it's forbidden"

"actually-" Riddle stops when he you suddenly plopped down on the ground laying face up the sky like a deadman

"HEY!! ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" he panicked as he crouched down immediately at your levek trying to check you vitals inside his scanning eyes, his panic reside when you brightly laughed

"so there is one huh? i wonder who wrote that Rulebook" you grinned

"huh?"

"Actually, Sam from the store sold me it. it doesn't belong to this house in the first place"

"HUH!?" His shocked face is funny. he's really ridiculous

"Come on Riddle, lay down. it feels nice" you say breathing in the fresh air of your garden you could hardly smell in the streets of a nearby android dumpsite

"O-okay..." he laid down besides you, carefully. he lets his staff roll on his side not far from his reach, you must've been working hard that you dozed off almost immediately after laying down and inviting him. he in the other hand rolled over to your side to watch you sleep the world away, completely ignorant of his presence.

but it's you

the one who didn't give up on him and worked on hours trying to find compatible parts for him, the one to let him be free to leave whenever he want, free to make his own choices, free to decided what path he'll take.

your personality, your appearance, your condition that he ever worries about on. that's what makes you his favorite human

a human that he likes the most

you made him feel emotions a normal Android wouldn't feel, you were the one he'll promise to protect forever.

the human he loves the most.

[fearcrowz]

What's the best way to get my art seen on Tumblr, I've posted lots of my art and even used Tags when posting them.

Goodness, I don't think I'm the person to ask for this---

Long blah blah read below:

TL;DR version: You just gotta keep on drawing. That be it. Draw things you like and enjoy and people will find you, eventually. Tumblr is like... Artist RNG. You might get lucky if someone likes it enough to reblog, and if they reblog it maybe their followers like it and reblog! Or sometimes you just get nothing but likes. Which don't do anything sadly haha. Some of my best illustrations I've only ever gotten likes. You just have to keep doing you and grow, one day; one step at a time.. You'll find your crowd, but you definitely can't give up! ♡ Draw what makes you happy! Grow for yourself! If you ever wanna share your art with me (or through an ask like this) I can share it for others to see here too!

LONG VERSION:

The biggest thing is to draw for yourself and try and ignore them icky numbers. Which I get you, that feels impossible to do for most artists trying to grow. I wished my art and characters would gain more traction too! But I still tell myself it's okay cuz you will meet the right crowd eventually!

I have... 400 somethin' followers??? and when I first came back here I only had like 180. My followers came from Twit I believe and some fanart/fancharacter shenanigans. So I really don't have a lot in Tumblr terms haha (over 100 are old dead accounts). And you know what?? That's totally okay!! I just draw, post, I don't pay attention to tags other than organization purposes, and if what I make is liked then I'm happy. Even if it's only 2-3 folks. You learn to appreciate the little numbers as time goes by. I've been trying to hit big on here since I was like, 15/16.... I am 30 now. LOL but I haven't given up! You just learn to be happy with what you get. And I know it's hard, cuz you and your creations want to be seen, and I feel you.

Like most sites, they change their mannerisms over the years. Algorithm change, tags become useful, then become useless and then useful and then useless again... So forth! Just never giving up is key no matter what these sites throw at you. One day you'll find your space, your crowd. But remember, it is never your fault. Its algorithms and artist RNG these days. We keep going by supporting eachother òvó) 9 I support you, anon!

[xerith-42]

Been noticing a trend in regards to the like vs reblog issue.

This post is a very rambly post that I don't really have a thesis or conclusion on, I've just noticed some things and would like to share with the class.

In regards to likes being worthless, this is absolutely true. Likes do fuck all on Tumblr, any sensible user has their likes turned off, and they really just inflate note numbers but then you have 25 notes and they're all likes and... Replies and reblogs actually say something.

Liking a post doesn't say anything other than "I saw this content and liked something in it." It doesn't tell a poster what you liked specifically, what about this content stood out to you. When someone reblogs one of my posts with a paragraph and a half in the tags, that means something because they aren't just telling me they like my posts, they're telling me what about my post engaged them.

Now this debate is something that's been raging on Tumblr for objectively too long. I remember lurking on Tumblr as a child in 2014 and seeing this discourse alive and well. People were yelling at artists for increasingly begging for reblogs, and artists were yelling at people for not rebloging their work. It's 2024 AND WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS.

I wanna say let's put this to bed, but honestly I don't even know if that's possible. It's not like this conversation has exactly evolved over the last 10 years, likes are just as useless as they were 10 years ago compared to Tumblr now. But now... Mass liking is way more of a problem. Before Tumblr did have a very active community using its tools to keep that community alive, but now it's slowed down considerably.

Many people have attributed this to younger users treating Tumblr like Instagram, where you can't really repost people's content like Tumblr, and likes are still worthless but people aren't as annoying about it. This... Is probably the case. I usually hate blaming things on young/new users, but it's something I've observed in real time.

I'm a little multi-fandom. And by that I mean I have a fandom focus and occasionally dabble my hands in posts regarding other pieces of media that have less to do with Minecraft Roleplays. It's in these other posts I've noticed this difference in how people use this site.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: As said above, this is observational and not meant to be a condemnation or judgement of any fandoms. It is just my very limited experience that I think can help shed light on the issues at play.

Now. Whenever I've posted something related to Ace Attorney, I get a really active response. There's still an imbalance of likes and reblogs, but the scales are a lot closer to even on those posts than any of my other posts. However, when I posted something related to The Amazing Digital Circus, my post did start getting a lot of notes as that fandom found it but most of them were likes.

I think the reason this happens is because Ace Attorney has had a presence and fandom on Tumblr as long as Tumblr has existed. A lot of people in the fandom have either been around for a while, or have seen what happens when the older community fosters an environment of rebloging as important. TADC is a completely new show that very suddenly gained a massive fandom, and a lot of people in that fandom might not have a lot of experience being in a fandom on Tumblr.

I never used Tumblr for fandom when I was in my peak Fandom TM days. I used Tumblr for shit posts, and went to objectively worse platforms like Amino for my fandom experience. I remember when I first got on Tumblr I had a tendency to like and scroll, like and scroll, like and scroll, and only reblog posts I had something to say about. As if it would be a crime to just reblog a thing I found funny or interesting even if I didn't have anything to say.

It was seeing posts where people talked about the importance of rebloging that kicked my brain into remembering that shit is important and while I'm not perfect, I make an active effort to do more than just like a post. It's something that might be more intuitive for people who have been on Tumblr in fandom spaces for a while, but for those of us who are still learning it's a hard habit to break.

And this is something you do have to put effort into doing, but I promise it's worth it. Because not only does it ensure that your community of passionate people doesn't die, but because everyone has something to say and should say it. We should foster an environment where there's frequent, open, honest discussions about the things we love. And when you get into this environment, it's so much fun.

It's so much fun to go back and forth with people in reblogs, to read unhinged replies, to respond to someone else's post with a take you didn't even think you were going to make when you started your reply.

Reblog don't like because likes are worthless, but more importantly than that

Reblog because it's fun to talk to people

At least that's my stance on it.

[i-need-death]

We're screwed.

I asked A.I to give reasons why this site is a hellscape, heavenscape, limboscape which you can't escape, and a purgatoryscape. Safe to say we're cooked if A.I is this scarily accurate

Here are some reasons Tumblr is both wildly bizarre and endlessly captivating:

1. The Lore-Generating Machine

Tumblr can turn anything into an epic saga. Whether it’s a screenshot of someone’s typo or a random observation about frogs, users collectively expand the joke until it’s a sprawling, pseudo-mythological universe. Examples include the Horse Plinko discourse or the inexplicable rise of Goncharov (1973), a completely fictional Scorsese film that now has fanfiction, fan art, and detailed analyses.

2. Inside Jokes That Defy Reality

Tumblr is a place where jokes have no punchline, yet they thrive. Classics like:

“I like your shoelaces.” “Thanks, I got them from the president.”

The ominous phrase “do you love the color of the sky?”

And "Bees???? Bees." These are utterly incomprehensible to outsiders, but to users, they're shorthand for shared chaos.

3. Unapologetically Chaotic Creativity

Tumblr users will take a simple concept and run with it. It’s home to Shakespearean shitposts, cross-fandom debates, and anthropomorphized internet phenomena like the "Tumblr Userbase Hive-Mind," which users half-jokingly treat as a sentient entity.

4. Fanfiction and Shipping Culture

Tumblr revolutionized fandom spaces. It’s where tropes like “tag yourself” or AO3 comment memes originated, and every conceivable (or inconceivable) romantic pairing has a home. It’s also the birthplace of some iconic fanon—just look at the memes surrounding Supernatural, Destiel, or Sherlock.

5. Tags Are Their Own Medium

Tumblr’s tag system isn’t just for organization; it’s for thoughts too wild for the post itself. People write essays, crack jokes, or scream incoherently in the tags. Example:

Post: “I love frogs.” Tags: #FROGS ARE JUST. SO. #have you ever seen one???? #they’re like tiny green philosophers on legs.

6. The Unholy Blend of Wholesome and Cursed

Wholesome: "Look at this cute picture of a cat I saw today!"

Cursed: “What if that cat was God? Anyway, here’s a cursed drawing of him eating a cheesecake.”

7. The Great "Website of Contrasts"

Tumblr oscillates between:

Beautiful, profound art and poetry.

Shitposts that read like they were written at 3 AM after a gallon of coffee. Sometimes these two things are the same post.

8. Everyone’s a Comedian, Philosopher, and Cryptid

Tumblr humor thrives on being purposefully obtuse, self-deprecating, or eerily wise in ways that make you laugh and then question your existence. Examples:

“The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. But what powers you?”

"If you're feeling useless today, remember: someone made a ladder for a snake."

9. Absence of Algorithms = Pure Chaos

Without TikTok’s or Instagram’s hyper-targeted algorithms, Tumblr feeds are a free-for-all. You could scroll past a poignant essay on queer identity, a Doctor Who gifset, and a post screaming, “CRABS ARE THE FINAL FORM OF EVOLUTION,” all in the same minute.

10. It Just Doesn’t Care

Tumblr is a place where cringe doesn’t exist, and sincerity can coexist with irony. It's a space where people post their deepest secrets or scream into the void—and others validate them with notes, reblogs, or completely unhinged additions.

11. Everything Is Canon and Nothing Is Real

On Tumblr, you can claim something ridiculous—like, “In the 1600s, people used to eat tulip bulbs like apples”—and people will roll with it. Whether it’s fact or fiction is irrelevant because it’s funny.

In short, Tumblr is a digital chaos void where sincerity, irony, creativity, and humor collide—and somehow, it works.

Yes I'm putting this in the wild, No I don't care if this goes viral. Bars.

[mocacheezy]

I haven't expressed my fascination for this yet, but I am blown away every time I remember how many tools people have made and shared, that make watching & reading safe and enjoyable for eachother.

Two examples: DoesTheDogDie and fanfiction authors tagging their works.

I am fascinated how much easier it is for me to navigate my online/viewer experience now, compared to when I was younger.

Sure, I still feel annoyed when my problems take away my chance of reading a fic that sounds incredible, or watching a movie that I like the premise of. But thank to tools like this, I can decide for myself if I am in good enough mental space to try and watch anyway, or know that I will avoid it for my own wellbeing.

I am fascinated that I don't have to spend hours distracting myself from things that upset me, things hammering at the back of my brain demanding attention. That I can just go ahead and find something else, and not waste my time trying to continue reading/watching because "well maybe it was just this one time".

I love how I can interact and be excited about content I consume, without fear of my mental problems rendering me useless for a whole day.

It's so much easier for me to have a good time thanks to these tools. It blows my mind they exist. It blows my mind that I can just, use them. No extra steps required, just my two eyes scanning the words and deciding what to do with this information, no fear of judgement attached.

I used to think "these are just spoilers, I won't look at them." because I liked the mystery I got from reading a book for the first time, or watching a movie with no prior knowledge. But even back when I was younger, I couldn't enjoy them thoroughly, because I had to avert my eyes multiple times, or skip whole sections of a book because there was something upsetting to me to the point of physical pain. And I don't have to do that anymore. Because I have the tools, and there is no reason to make myself suffer when I'm just trying to have fun.

So yeah, thanks to fanfiction authours who tag their works- even if I am still learning to focus and read walls of tags, all of them are very appreciated, and the fact they take their time and write them out means so much. Thanks to them I can read about characters and worlds that bring me joy and share my excitement via screaming in the comments. Thanks to them I can read the most fucked up stories imaginable and see things get better - or even worse - while knowing that my lines won't be crossed. I discover whole new tropes and character dynamics that I wouldn't thanks to tags and thanks to tags I know what content to look out for in the future.

Thanks to people who make sites like Does The Dog Die, and contribute data without actually spoiling the plot in a major way. I knew I can't continue watching a horror movie that I gave a try and got a bad reaction 5minutes in. I know I can try and watch a different one, because that kind of gore isn't nearly as upsetting. I now know how many things there are that either just squick me or trigger me, or that I don't mind at all. I now know to say "Hey, I'm not sure if [x] is upsetting for you, it's in the movie." or just direct a friend to the site.

As cliché as it sounds, these guys are fucking heroes.

[dirhwangdaseul-archived]

SUICIDE TW follows as this is a discussion of fictional suicide:

Okay so I've been thinking and probably somebody already had this thought but searching in the tags it's useless on this site, but back to me, I've been thinking so much ever since I finished Until We Meet Again like two months ago about the why of Dean is so cold to his family.

I've been trying to think if the show ever gives an explanation for it, but all I can remember is his sister saying he has always been like that and specifically he has been much more distant with his father to the point dinner is glacial and uncomfortable, and so I made myself cry writing this...

Anyways...

For this I also had forgotten, nah, to be honest, ignored the suicide aspect of the show which was just dumb of me, by doing it I had completely removed a very important aspect of Korn's character. This was aided by @russianspacegeckosexparty​ cause he made me really think about the whole picture rather than the skewed picture I made up of Korn in my head.

So Korn, oh man, Korn is such a really really messed up character, I had chosen to ignore a huge part of this character and it might seem dumb but suicide is a heavy topic for me since I had had ideation myself and it never occurred to me that it's really impossible to talk about Korn without that since it makes up a huge character trait, why's that? To the point: whereas In killing himself comes as a reaction of what he just saw his lover do and specifically a response to trauma which is also why I believe Pharm basically is born with PTSD and as such he also has the triggers to account for it while Dean doesn't since Korn died immediately, and for Korn... killing himself was planned, for him the idea previously existed in his mind and for this to have happened he must have had thoughts that drove him to that end.

What was know plaguing me was precisely what were the thoughts that could drive him to that, and they seemed simple enough which were about the acceptance of someone like him and In and their relationship, the show establishes already that it was homophobia that killed him, and I  see it in two things in Korn's life specifically, the fact that he never told his family that he loved In, and the fact that he believed because of who he was, all he could ever do to In is hurt him. So if all he can ever do because of who he is, the son of a gangster in love with a man expected to follow on his father's footsteps and thus, be accepted by that community, the best next thing to do since he can't be free and he cannot bear hurting anyone is to die.

Korn dies and In follows him, and they're reincarnated, but they're different people, and this new people they are, they grow with bits and pieces of who they were but because of personal choice or because maybe they just want to be like that, they  contradict their previous incarnations. Dean likes and knows swimming, Pharm likes and knows cooking, Dean is more smiley and has no problem making friends, Pharm is shy and a little bit chaste, but maybe some things aren't about making oneself better than who they used to be.

One of the reasons I think Korn killed himself as I've stated is the fact that even tho he loved his brothers and his family, he couldn't ever be who he was while he was alive, they had expectations of him and because he loved them he wanted to be that man, but at some point he realised he couldn't ever fulfill them and so he gave up on his life. When he was reborn I don't think he forgot, and I think in Dean that resentment was never fixed, specially if it was a child plagued with thoughts of a grown man, it was however rectified by Dean nonetheless, and in not such a healthy way, so he chose something else, he made a choice unlike Korn who felt trapped, he chose distance, he chose to be cold, only to his family, because in his previous life they held him back, because in his previous life they didn't allow him to make friends, they didn't allow him to be, they didn't allow him to exist, and they didn't allow him to love and to be loved.

Dean is cold to his siblings and as such he can never disappoint them because they already know what to expect of him, and of course he would be cold to his father since his previous life he was the biggest reason he never could be himself. If he's cold to them he never has to know what they want him to be, if he's cold to them they will never push expectations of being somebody, he can be who he wants to be and it's easier to make friends because friends just love you for you, which I'm sure Korn picked from watching In's friends love him, whereas your family expects you to be someone for them doesn't it? I think Dean carries that around even tho if he doesn't know if it comes from himself and knowing what his sexuality means in terms of the society they live in, or if it's because of Korn's pain that he carries that around but then Pharm came along didn't he?

He found Dean in the end, and Dean was able to be and do all those things Korn died thinking were never meant for him, and it was because Pharm came into his life and reminded him that the past was the past and there were people there willing to love him even if he had shown them a distant side of himself, and that they could do all the things they had feared would harm them, and most importantly with all the people they loved and loved them without conditions.