#i can't listen to that song without a specific boy coming to mind and I hate myself

[hiddenreamers]

I was in your music video - f1 drivers x singer!reader

SUMMARY: They say that if a poet loves you, they will write you into immortality. But if you date a musician, they might write you into the Billboard 100. Which is exactly what happens to your driver boyfriend.

Featuring: Lewis Hamilton, Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Carlos Sainz Jr, Max Verstappen, Charles Leclerc, George Russell

Note: Yes, two songs are sung by male artists. Yes, I'm going to ignore that fact and you should, too.

Lewis Hamilton

He's been in the room maybe five times. The space always felt strangely sacred to him - this is where you write, compose and practice songs with your band; this is where the magic, so to speak, happens. Walls are absolutely covered with tour posters, polaroids and printed-out articles. There's a large mirror that seems to be a message board considering all the sticky notes and words written with a marker. The only somewhat de-cluttered space is surrounding the setup. It's an unspoken testament to being a musician in a band.

There's a certain tension inside the driver. You've never asked him to listen to a song before it's finished. Sure, he has listened through your albums before they were officially released but it was always just that - a recording, not a live version. So what's different this time? Why is it vital he hears this song early?

Walking through the room, Lewis has to carefully watch where he's going. He doesn't want to accidentally break something by stepping on a cable or kicking a box with unknown contents. Inside a garage, he knows what not to touch but a recording studio and instruments are pretty much an unknown world to him.

Lewis is standing around a tad awkwardly, hands in pockets, when the bassist pushes a big black box closer to the driver.

"Have a seat." The musician points to the chest.

Lewis frowns. "On the box?" he asks, unsure. "Is that okay?"

"It's the Lucky Chest, Hamilton," the bassist announces. The other band members snicker at the title. "You have to sit on it."

"What's lucky about it?" Lewis inquires. More than the seating choice, he's interested in the reason for laughter.

"The first time we played at a big festival," the guitarist begins, her story slightly interrupted by her tuning the guitar, "we were sitting on it and listening to Green Day's stage, wondering 'how the fuck are we supposed to play after them?'."

"We were doing like a punk-rock tribute thing," adds the drummer. He's adjusting his seat and judging by the constant up-and-down movement, he can't make up his mind. The process is finally over when he reaches to tap the high-hat and nods to himself, content.

"After we finished our set," you take over retelling the story, "Billy Joe Armstrong came up to us and said we did great."

"So now it's the Lucky Chest," concludes the bassist.

Perhaps it's another testament to being a musician in a band when multiple people together tell one story without cutting details or creating chaos. A true harmony, though a joke a little on the nose.

"Well, I'm honoured," Lewis says. An airy giggle escapes him as he's still thinking about how easily teamwork comes to you and your band.

"You should be." The guitarist points her finger at him in a joking but accusatory way. Then she looks over her shoulder. "Whenever you're ready, drummer boy."

Music fills the room and Lewis is instantly captivated by you. He noticed it the first time he saw you on stage, how something inside you changes the moment you hear the instruments playing. Intensity, fire - passion in its most primal form. But this time around, the look in your eyes is different. You're no longer looking at the audience but him specifically; instead of singing a song, you seem to be telling him something.

So he listens.

I'm a desert, you're an ocean It's your motion that I need Without you I am broken, left to thirst out in the heat

And how strange he suddenly feels: all of the sentiments he already knows but now that you've put them into words for the whole world to hear, he can't help but find some revelation in them. For a moment, there's only the two of you and your confession of desire. Every word resonates with him and Lewis feels like he could say all of those things about you, too.

The song is far from over but he has already decided - he will listen to it before every race.

Lando Norris

Nothing seemed different about that day.

Lando is streaming while you're still at the studio. In an hour or so, you will come back, he will end the stream and the two of you will sit down to eat something. You will talk about your day, he will say something silly and both of you will laugh. Just like you always did.

To his credit, Lando couldn't have known about the song because you never told him. Some part of you thought it would be a bit dramatic to announce that you've written a song about him but can't play it yet because it's not finished. It would spoil the fun, wouldn't it? Therefore, you decided to tell Lando only after he listened to the final product. Perhaps you also wanted to seem a lot more nonchalant about the whole thing, planning on giving him just an off-hand comment of "oh, by the way, this one's about you". Life, however, rarely turns out the way we plan and that's exactly what happened that night.

If it was just one or two people calling Lando "honeybee" on the stream, he probably wouldn't even notice. But even he will pay attention when the comments are going on hundreds if not thousands.

He can't help but grow flustered at the pet name born out of his visceral fear of insects.

"Who told you that?!" he yells in a comically angry tone, a poor attempt at hiding embarrassment.

The comments come flooding again, explaining the situation only in variations of your name and the title Espresso. And like a detective following a crime, Lando immediately searches the internet.

"I feel lied to," he speaks up. "She didn't tell me she has a new song coming out. Why am I the last one to know? When I literally live with her? This is so unfair, I'm obviously the biggest fan, I should know first!"

Lando plays the music video. From the first line of "he's thinking about me every night", his bashfulness only gets worse. What starts as an excited smile, grows into a flustered, giggly mess. Although his pride is on the line, he can't deny any of the claims you make in the song. Yes, he couldn't sleep one night thinking about you and texted you about that. Yes, he does call you often even though he hates making phone calls. And yes, Lando Norris is, in fact, wrapped around your finger. What a horse is everyone can see and similarly, everyone can see and define who Lando is when it comes to his girlfriend:

"Simp?" he reads one of the comments. "Look, maybe I am but at the end of the day I'm dating her and you're not so who's the real loser here?"

Lando can only laugh his heart out when the chat gets flooded with identical comments: You.

"Okay, I admit. I'm down bad for my girlfriend and I'm proud of that."

Tomorrow's headlines are bound to be interesting...

Oscar Piastri

Although Oscar has seen you in musicals countless times, this situation feels a lot weirder and more uncomfortable. When he comes to watch your show, he's in the audience and you're on the stage. Now you're sitting side by side on the couch in your shared apartment, about to see your first movie. You're both the audience and the creator, which leaves you unsure how to act.

Unfortunately, your discomfort only grows. Oscar seems to be enjoying the movie but joy is not granted to you on this day. With each minute, you know your big part is coming. Oh God, what is he going to think?

Then, you suddenly pause the film. Oscar looks at you confused.

"There's something you need to know before you watch this scene and listen to the song," you say before he can ask you about your strange actions.

Oscar's frown only deepens. "You're making it sound really serious."

"Because it is. The thing is... " you hang your voice, unsure how to put words together. How do you tell someone this without making things awkward? "This is more embarrassing than I thought it would be but the song you're about to hear, I wrote it thinking about you."

He's trying to smile but the shadow of embarrassment on his face doesn't go unnoticed. You can only hope it's good kind of nervous.

The movie is resumed. As your discomfort is barely tolerable, you're looking away from the TV, fidgeting ever-so-slightly. Once or twice, you glance at Oscar, trying to see his reaction. The problem is, he's sitting unbelievably still. True, Oscar Piastri tends to be on the calmer side but right now it feels off. As if lost deep in thought, he appears to be diligently contemplating the scene in the movie; picking apart the words that came to your mind while thinking about him.

When the song comes to an end, you pause the film once more. A tense silence falls between you and Oscar, both longing to say something and yet neither willing to.

"So?" you begin hesitantly. "What do you think?"

Oscar shifts awkwardly. "Erm... I don't really know what to say."

A nervous giggle escapes your lips. "It's really sappy, I know." You try to downplay the situation, fearing that his reaction is born out of something negative. Does he think you're clingy? Obsessive? Too dramatic to handle?

"It's not that," he quickly denies. "Well, okay, it is kind of sappy but it's good sappy?" Oscar's tone raises slightly, revealing that he's unsure whether it's the right choice of words.

"Good sappy?" you repeat.

It feels as though woe has weaved a nest inside your viscera. "Good sappy" sounds like a lovely, diplomatic euphemism used not to hurt someone's feelings.

"Yeah, it's just..." Oscar doesn't finish his sentence. He runs his hand through his hair, then rubs the back of his neck nervously. Finally, he looks at you but not in a way you're familiar with. There's something ethereal in his gaze, a glint of inexplicable emotion that would escape a less observant eye. "It's really beautiful," he says. "The fact that you feel this way about me?" You could swear there are tears in his eyes as he lets out a flustered giggle. "I can die happy now."

Carlos Sainz

As old tradition entails, the Thursdays before a race weekend are meant for golfing. And who is Carlos Sainz to not give in to the custom?

He's sitting in his car, impatiently ploughing through the traffic of the city centre. Why are people out and about at this time, anyway? Shouldn't they be at work? Wanting to get his mind off of the fact that he's going to be quite late to the game, Carlos turns on the radio. The man is mindlessly skipping through the stations until something catches his attention - the announcer introduces you as today's guest.

"Hello again, pretty girl," Carlos says to himself. A small smile enters his face.

"First of all, I'd like to thank you," the radio host begins. "Unfinished Business is just the album I've been waiting for this year. And not only me! Have you seen Billboard 100 lately?"

Your flustered giggle is just as adorable as always. "Yesterday evening, I think?"

The broadcaster sighs dramatically. "Then you have ancient news. I have the site pulled up now and check it every few minutes. Let me tell you, Unfinished Business has climbed twenty spots since morning."

"Oh, shoot."

"Indeed." The announcer laughs and Carlos does with him. It's such a familiar theme for the driver - you being more humble than you really should be, surprised by the success you entirely deserve.

"Now, to address the elephant in the room or rather on the music charts. Over and Over Again is like a love letter all of us have written but never sent. Tell me all about it!"

"I guess 'love letter' is a pretty good description," you explain. Curious, Carlos turns up the volume. "For some time, I was trying to put my thoughts together and tell someone how I felt but never could quite do it. I can write good songs but in real life, I'm pretty terrible at speaking my mind and talking about feelings. I just don't want people to misunderstand, you know?"

"What are you saying, hermosa?" Carlos asks aloud, although there's no one to answer him.

"At least you can write a song about it! We regular folk are stuck with memes and playlists."

"Thank God, I can!" You laugh and, as embarrassing as it may sound, Carlos feels a sudden warmth spreading through his chest. "I was struggling with saying what I wanted to say to him, so at some point, I just decided I could put those words and feelings into a song. He likes to listen to the radio when he's driving so he might even be listening right now."

Although nothing bad or negative is going on, Carlos feels himself growing tense, nervous. There's no doubt the "he" you keep mentioning is him but what exactly is it you've been trying to tell him? Is there something he's missing?

"Did you tell him you've written a song about him?" the radio host asks.

"It might have slipped my mind," you answer coyly.

The announcer only laughs. "Oh dear, what a way to find out! Without further ado, let's hear your love letter to the mysterious man. I really hope he's listening to us right now. Don't you dare change the station, you lucky guy."

To his own surprise, Carlos recognizes the melody - you've been humming it for weeks now. But as you begin singing, the words leave him in disbelief. Do you really... mean all of that?

Carlos is lost in the song, feeling as though the lyrics aren't just lyrics but your genuine confession; a true love letter, as you have said yourself. He's brought back to reality only when the car behind him honks and Carlos is a hair's breadth away from picking a fight with the other driver. Nothing requires more haste or attention than his girlfriend exclaiming to the whole world that he will always be the one for her and that she will love him over and over again.

Charles Leclerc

You don't hear Charles coming in - you're too lost in your own thing to remember there's an entire world outside of the song and the piano in front of you. On the other hand, Charles doesn't announce his arrival as he doesn't want to disturb you. To be perfectly honest, he's a little too curious to interrupt you. It happens very rarely that you practise outside of the studio and so Charles doesn't really get to hear your more casual singing, not an embellished performance for the audience.

As quietly as he can, he makes his way towards you. Charles casually leans against the doorframe, your back turned to him as you continue playing the piano. He barely bites back the smile that creeps onto his face whenever you effortlessly sing the high notes - they are difficult for professionals and yet you execute them so cleanly, they appear almost too easy.

The lyrics haunt him but in a truly delicious way. A particular note of sincerity in your voice makes the words stick to him like rain does to a reckless passerby. Sure, they will slip away, although not before drenching him; their vital piece will forever lie with him.

When the song comes to an end, Charles (without thinking twice) gives you a hefty applause. The surprise makes you almost fall off the chair.

"Shit, you scared me!" you yell at him. It takes a couple deep breaths and your boyfriend's apologies, to collect yourself. "How much did you hear?"

He shrugs, suddenly realizing that he wasn't supposed to hear even one note of the song. "Pretty much all of it."

Your expression must not be joyful as Charles resumes his apologies and poor attempts at excuses. Suddenly, you cut him off. "How'd you like it?"

For a moment, he only hums and mindlessly knocks at the doorframe, looking for the right words.

"I loved it," he confesses. A strange tension in his voice proves he's telling the truth. "It's a beautiful song."

"Good," you answer absentmindedly. Quietly, you nod to yourself before looking back at Charles, a mischievous glint in your eyes. "It would really suck if you hated a song about yourself, you know?"

His eyes grow wide and Charles seems to forget about blinking for a good minute. Judging by the changes in his expression, you can tell the exact thought process he's experiencing: realizing you've written a song about him, joy caused by that, remembering the lyrics and finally taking them personally.

The more observant fans might notice a new addition to his helmet: "Claire de Lune" written in elegant lettering.

George Russell

Common sense might tell you that a race car driver must have no fear. And that would be correct, although quite imprecise. They must have no fear on track, yes, but daily life is quite different from racing, isn't it? Or maybe George is discovering a range of emotions he has not known before.

Your relationship is fresh but that isn't to say it's not serious. The weight of the connection the two of you share is a major part of the reason why George has been dead set on taking things slow. The other part is him knowing what media circus will play out once the news breaks. It's hard to blame him for wanting to keep at least some aspect of his life private, especially one that means so much to him.

As understanding as you are, George's apprehensiveness is tiring. You perfectly understand his reasoning and to some degree share the sentiment but at the same time, you are just somebody in love - you itch to scream it to the whole world. Or, at the very least, share a picture of the two of you. Both of you haven't been middle-schoolers for quite some time now, so why act like ones?

George, like the supportive boyfriend he is, loves to see you in your element. He watches the music videos, yet, but he much prefers the dance practice videos, where you're visibly enjoying each second of the choreography. Therefore, when you upload a new dance video for your song, he's probably the first person to play it.

It's a catchy tune that makes even the most boring people want to dance a little. With his head moving to the rhythm, George doesn't focus much on the lyrics until something in the second verse catches his attention:

So used to hiding We built our kingdom around The right timing

The lines, understandably, hit a little too close to home to be a pure coincidence. Now suspicious, George replays the video - this time, he's actually listening to the words instead of focusing on your dancing. Any hesitation that he's the true recipient of the song is gone with the first line of "Say you want me". The desperation in your voice is simply too candid to be just an act for the sake of the performance.

With the song loudly playing on a loop, George is scrolling through his phone's gallery in search of the best pictures of the two of you. He can't help but mouth the lyrics along with your singing, only to randomly giggle as the thought once again settles - it's about him.

Your phone can't stop vibrating. The notifications are coming nonstop. What on Earth happened? Upon opening Instagram, the mystery is solved. The internet seemed to be set on fire when George posted a series of pictures of the two of you with a caption that earned a giddy chuckle from you: "Setting us in motion".

Max Verstappen

Max and you both understand how much support can change. Sometimes just knowing that this other person is out there, watching and cheering, can change everything. As such, the two of you try to attend each other's events as much as you can. Unfortunately, the universe isn't always kind and you end up on the opposite ends of the world. The only support you can offer then is watching the live-streamed event - just like Max is doing right now.

He's sitting in his driver's room in Singapore, while you're at an award show in the USA. Quite the distance. There's something unbearably humbling about having to watch your performance like most of the world, when Max is, without a doubt, not most of the world.

In the back of his mind, Max is still thinking about the conversation he had with you earlier. Although he never misses your performances, you made it a point to tell him to watch this one. In your own words, he's supposed to look out for something fun, like a detail that will make this show different from the others. So as though he is a hawk, or more of a vulture, Max is hyperanalizing everything that's happening on the screen. He's not about to miss your little surprise.

The song begins and as much as he wants to enjoy watching you in your element, Max is a missile on a mission. Nothing specific seems to catch his eye but that t-shirt you're wearing...

Max knows it all too well. Theoretically, it's his t-shirt but considering you wear it more often than he does, it's practically yours. Now it's styled to fit the concept and image of your bandmates but the colour, the logo, the number, are all unmistakeable. Considering how much you're touching the article of clothing, compared to other dancers, he's convinced he's found what he was meant to look for.

Before he can wonder why you've chosen to wear his t-shirt for your performance, it's you who gives him the answer through the lyrics:

I feel like for the first time I am not faking Fingers on my buttons and now you're playing Master of anticipation, don't you keep it all to yourself

Max Verstappen doesn't get flustered but if he did, he'd be beyond flustered right now. The realization hits him like a derailed train - the song that everyone has been obsessed with through the summer and that has pretty obvious sexual lyrics is actually about him.

And if he did get flustered, the emotion would be rather short-lived, giving way to pride. After all, the core meaning of the song is that he's a generous lover, right? Clearly, he's been taking good care of his girlfriend.

Now, each sung line of "Just the touch of your love" makes Max all the more frustrated that the two of you are so far apart. He's earned his title of "Master of anticipation" and he intends to keep it.

[syrma-sensei]

→ Somewhere In Your Heart, Ch.2: A New Window

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Fem!reader.

Rating: Explicit.

Setting: Pre-canon; in the early 1980s.

word count: 2.6k.

Warnings/Tags: Abusive relationship, angst, self-care, Ben's potty mouth, dick talk (It's Ben, what do you expect?), implied non/dub-con, power imbalance, misogyny, implied prostitution...

Summary: Soldier Boy lives through the ennui of his peak, but everything is about to change when he has a shift in his heart.

When your manager told you you were to sing side by side with Soldier Boy, you didn't believe him. Despite the fact Jack has a strong proclivity to humour — depraved humour at that, you know he seldom jests about business. Jack has a strict code when it comes to you. His precious little asset. So, when he says you are to sing with America's greatest hero, then you are.

“S-Soldier Boy?” Your voice is but a squeaky hush. You still find it intimidating, albeit quite ironic to say the least.

In spite of your stupor, you curb a scoff and suffice to have a private laugh between you and yourself. You never thought the Soldier Boy would be easy.

Jack smirks, his foxy eyes glimmering, “I had a call with the Legend early this morning, he said Soldier Boy had made a specific request for a collaboration with you. He wants you to stand by his side for his next cover song.”

As you come off it, you realise it really shouldn't have been a surprise to you. The man literally eye-fucked you last night with his rather captivating green eyes. You could perceive the primal desire that seared within them when he spoke and flirted with you. You're used to this kind of reaction from men, of course. You weren't in the entertainment industry for that long, but you've always fancied yourself a quick learner; and Jack made sure you learn faster. The real surprise to you is that Soldier Boy is being subtle about it. You gotta hand it to him, you're rather impressed.

“You seem to have made quite the impression on Soldier Boy last night, sweetheart.” Jack remarks, and you smile slightly, “Thanks to me, of course, I think I taught you well…”

Your smile falters a bit, because you know he's not saying that out of the sheer notion of teasing you. No, of course not, he can't but give himself the credits, he made you after all. You can't deny the fact; he salvaged you from the cruelty of being in the streets years ago, and made you what you've become today. A promising diva with a magnificent ore.

“What should I ever be without you?” You humour him with a smile, as he's always taught you. Do not contradict a man, especially one with power.

“The pole-smoke you had been before I plucked you from the streets.” His smirk widens, and the sly gaze Jack is giving her doesn't settle well in her.

Jack stands up from his seat and saunters down to you. His thumb strokes your lower lip, the unctuous gentleness makes your stomach roil.

“Listen to me, my pretty slut,” He tugs a strand of hair out of your face behind your ear, the maliciousness in his voice is well-coated with perfected inveiglement. His thumb is back to your lower lip, “You will go to Vought, do your supposed rehearsals, and indulge every whim Soldier Boy wants from you… even if he wants to muffle his cuban cigars in your pretty tits” He yanks her jaws up to make you look at him in the eyes, ignoring your small whimper, “Because you and I are both aware that he isn't only after that pretty voice of yours. Don’t you dare fuck this up, understood?”

You swallow the large bile in the back of your throat. Jack smiles at the vehemence of your nod. “Y-Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” He loosens his grip slightly. “Think of the offers you'll be lavished with after you sing next to Soldier Boy. You'll be one hell of a star, my star. Your pictures will be all over the country, and fuck, who knows, maybe you'd have a chance in L.A. too.”

Your mind floods with snaps of what your future might be. It wanders away, on a red carpet, where your heeled feet would treat with a swagger. Surrounded by camera flashes and ardent fans, just wanting you to look in their direction. And maybe, just maybe, Jack wouldn't be up on your ass anymore.

You shake your head back into the present. “What’s the song gonna be any way?” You ask Jack.

“Who fucking cares?” The latter shrugs, glancing at his wristwatch, “How about you find out yourself? Legend said Vought would send a private car to get you today.”

“So soon?” Your shoulders slump a bit.

“Is that hesitation I'm hearing?” He glares.

“N-No,” You gulp, “I’m just… it's happening a little too fast, don't you think?” Her lips curl in a dither smile.

Jack's frown deepens, “Aren’t you eager to make history?” He snickers, “Of course, a lowly whore like you isn't accustomed to the high steps of the ladder; you've always belonged at the bottom of it. What was I thinking.”

Tears start to burn in your eyes. You wonder why he's always so cruel to you? You always did what he wanted to please him. Before you started to perform at private parties and festivities, Jack used to drag you from an awful club to an even worse club, and exploited your voice and your other talents to fill up his pockets, under the excuse of enlarging and extending your audience; a good entertainer would perform for all of kind of people, he claimed. Promising that you'd make it up the ladder before you even knew it if you kept plugging. But now, and when you're at the threshold of achieving what he's always drilling into you, he is nothing but disparaging.

“No.” Your voice surprises you as it comes out with a defying tone.

“What’d you say?” Jack raises a brow.

“I said no, I don't belong to the bottom of the ladder.”

You expected the backhand slap, but you didn't expect it to make your mouth bleed.

“You’re my slut, my whore, I made you. Don't you dare concur yourself with me.” He seethes.

You grimace at the taste of iron as you swallow your blood silently, tears streaming down your cheeks.

Jack seems to rouse from his fit as his head tilts to the side. “Oh, no no, what’d I do?” He pulls his silky, cerulean handkerchief from his breast pocket and dabs it gently on the corner of your mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He murmurs, and you give him a weak, sanguine smile. When he's done, he tells you, “Do cover it up with some makeup; we don't want Soldier Boy to see your pretty face worked up, do we?” He grins, but it's empty of any sliver of sympathy. “Now, shake a leg, would you? Legend said Soldier Boy wanted to see you by noon. We don't want to give them the impression that we're a bunch of slackers, do we?”

You nod meekly.

Ben groans in pleasure, his body shivering in a long lost voraciousness. He wonders if the curl of your lips when you smiled at him and the enchanting glance of your eyes have something to do with that as his load washes abundantly on his hand. He's so engrossed in his high that he doesn't detect the knocks on his door.

“Oh, for fuck's sake!” Legend grouses, his head whipping away the moment he steps into Soldier Boy's bedroom.

The latter only smirks, deft hands tugging his softening cock back in his pants. “What’s the matter? Can't look at what you don't possess?” He drawls smugly, his voice saturated with a satisfied rasp from his recent ecstasy.

“I fucking knocked! Good thing I'm not an enemy.” Legend rolls his eyes behind his shades, “Who woulda thought Soldier Boy could be shanked when he whacked off.” Legend sneers, savouring in having this sleazy clapback at the supe.

Soldier Boy's smik widens, zipping his gear pants, “You’re just saying that because my dick is twice as yours.”

Legend appears to be quite unfazed, “Well, yeah, but I never had a woman who refused an ass-fuck because of it.” He sighs, “Anyway, Ms. (L/N), is here.”

“Fucking finally…” Ben perks up, a huge smile on his face. But the Legend's slight frown makes his eyes roll. “What is it?” It's not like he wants the latter’s approval, but Legend has proven his viewpoints can be useful when it comes to Soldier Boy's career.

“Look, I know the gal has the voice and the looks.” Legend says, “But don't you think she's way… below you?” Ben raises a brow as Legend continues, “There are many better options, just saying…” 

Ben clicks his tongue, his temper is starting to fume, “She’s a fucking blast. She has the fucking talent. Isn't it your job to look out for talents?”

“Yeah, but—”

“It’s her or nothin’.” Soldier Boy asserts, and when he reads hesitance on Legend's face, he adds, “You can still have Noir do it if you want to.” He shrugs, "But here you are, you handed it to me, because you know that I get how the job's done, and nobody can pull it off like me.”

“Fine!” Legend acquiesces, it's not like he has much of a choice. “I hope you're fucking right about her.” And you're not only thinking with your dick.

“Atta boy!” Soldier Boy pats his shoulder, “Now we don't want to keep the next diva waiting, do we?”

Your heart is pounding in your chest despite how hard you're trying to maintain your cocksure exterior.

Don't you fuck this up.

Jack's words trill in your head again and again. You close your eyes and huffs an elongated breath through your nostrils. He didn't come with you, but his agonising words never leave you, and the skeptical looks shot in your direction from Vought employees passing by don't make it any better.

What am I doing here?

You question yourself again.

To make history.

Jack's words ring again in your ears.

Although you're too immersed in your thoughts, you notice the blur of green and eagle of a man sauntering down in your way with a couple of men at the either of his side.

Your mask involuntarily slips on your face as your lips concoct a conceited grin that mirrors the cocky smirk on Soldier Boy's face. You stand up to say hello.

“We meet again, honey bun.”

“Pleasure to meet you again, sir.”

Your mustered aplomb starts to waver at the mere sight of him in that green suit; it makes you hold your breath. Soldier Boy himself is standing in front of you in his green glory with his gloved hand extended to you. He looks so different from the man you met yesterday. Maybe because of his supe suit. However, you're glad he isn't wearing the helmet, his revealed face brought some familiarity to the man you met before.

He leans in to press a kiss on your knuckles as you take his offered hand to shake.

“The pleasure is all mine, (Y/N).”

You resist the heat travelling up to your ears. “Thank you, sir.”

“Please, call me Ben.” He says in a somewhat ordering tone and you nod.

Soldier Boy introduces you to Legend and you shake the latter's hand too. The three of you make it to a nearby room to discuss business.

“I’d like to thank Soldier — Ben for giving me such an opportunity to perform by his side. I'm honoured, sir.” You start. “I’m gonna make sure it's worth your while.”

“You’ll sure do, dollface, you'll sure do.” He pours you and himself a glass of liquor, letting Legend pour his own glass which makes you raise a brow. It's still midday. You politely turn down the glass.

You and I are both aware that he isn't only after that pretty voice of yours. 

Jack's words ring in your ear. You can clearly picture his smirking face staring at you.

“I was at the wedding last night, y'know,” Legend lights up a cigar as he drawls, “And let me tell ya that recognising a talent when I see or hear it is what pays my bills.” He takes a drag and puffs it out of his nostrils.

You thank him before he asks you about your career, making it feel like it's a job interview or something of the sort. You tell him the story you tell everybody. That you've always had a knack for singing ever since you were a child. And you used to sing at school, then you continued your passion and sang in bars and clubs until Jack beheld one of your performances and took you under his wing ever since. Which it's true, sort of.

“Jack is a good teach, he taught me everything I know to entertain my audience.” Your eyes flit momentarily at Soldier Boy whose eyes never leave you, then you grin back at Legend, “Making him a lot much like you sir. He flushes out the talent when he sees it.”

Legend grins back, taking another waft of his cigar, “Has he ever had you perform for another media before?”

You shake your head, “No, sir, my audience is still limited.”

“Ah, perfect, what could be better than a talented new face,” Legend says, “Well, I think we're all in for a treat, sweetheart. Vought would be happy to introduce you to the public. A pretty new face with a beautiful voice, singing for the first time and next to Soldier Boy. I think that would give you a great privilege if you tipped your cards right…”

“And it can be more than a one-time thing…” Soldier Boy adds, a satisfied grin on his face, but you didn't miss the way Legend's lips twitch.

“Are you trying to employ me, sir?” You raise an eyebrow.

“We’re offering you a chance of a lifetime.” Legend takes another drag, which seems rather an elongated sigh than a normal puff, “Our entertainment business is always happy to make and nurture gifted new faces.”

You stay silent for a moment. This is big. Unbelievably big. You're literally being offered a job at Vought. It's something you wouldn't even dare dreaming about. Jack didn't tell you anything about this.

Don't you fuck it up. 

Jack's voice reverberates in the back of your head again.

“But I'm not a supe, sir, how come I'd be useful for the company?” You ask. “And what about Jack?”

You could've sworn you saw the slightest irritation in Soldier Boy's eyes.

“Do you see me with one, sweetheart?” Legend lets out an amused snore, “Yet, here I am.” He splays his arms open in showboat manner. “As for Jack, he'll still be your manager under our terms, of course, as agreed accordingly.”

Your eyebrows furrow. As agreed accordingly? Of course, you scoff internally. He's already sold you out to Vought the moment he sniffed the smell of cash. Well, you can't argue with that really; you owe the man your life. You're his, like her always tells you.

Despite everything being played out of your control, you still insist on having a say in this, or at least to seem so.

“Good,” You smile cordially, “Because I'd have humbly declined your offer hadn't Jack been kept in the picture.”

“Ever did any of blues shit before, dollface?”

You can detect the drastic change in Soldier Boy's tone.

“No, not as of yet.”

“Well, good thing you have someone's been long enough in the trade to teach you some of the ol’ tricks, darlin'.” His teeth bare in a shark like smile that doesn't set well in you.

Your heart paces up as adrenaline rushes through your veins, choosing to accept the challenge, “I’m down for it, Ben.”

🦅 Previous Chapter: Tenderly.

🦅 Next Chapter: Mirrors.

🦅 Somewhere In Your Heart Masterlist.

🦅 Soldier Boy Masterlist.

Taglist: @thebiggerbear, @zepskies, @deanbrainrotwritings, @deansbbyx, @deans-spinster-witch

@venus-haze, @kaleldobrev, @k-slla, @ketchupjasmin, @demodemo909

@mystic-mara, @donniedarkolover, @pepsicolacoochie...

[ckret2]

i’m admittedly obsessed with music/have music as a special interest so this question has been on my mind for quite some time now - if Bill (from your goldilocks fanfic) were to listen to any music, or have any particular music taste, what would it be? Any particular songs in mind that he likes? ( <—totally not looking for more/new songs to listen to hahahahaha…sweats)

half of me thinks he’d like 40s/50’s/60’s music (thanks to the vera lynn reference in the fic, but also bc he sings it in-show), but the other half of me wants him to like musicals (heathers, in particular) - i can’t explain why lol

alternatively, if you’ve answered smth like this already, i’d love to know what songs you enjoy/listen to!

Have a post about his tastes and a hideous-sounding playlist! And it even held up in the face of TBOB.

The only difference in my headcanons is that I said the peak of his his tastes centers on the 60s and I subsequently found an interview where Alex confirms Bill's tastes do indeed range from about 40s~60s; but I just got out of another fandom where everyone headcanoned a character is into 40s music ranging into the 50s and I'm pretty burnt out on The Most Popular 40s Jazz That Everybody And Their Grandma Knows so I still personally prefer to focus on the 50s for him lmao.

In fic he makes a reference to a band called Mysterious Mo's Average Joes; I imagine them as an in universe equivalent to Question Mark & the Mysterians, except more obscure.

Specific to my headcanoned music tastes of Bill from my fic rather than just Bill in general: coming in his tastes are all the same, but hanging around Mabel has given him an expanded palate for boy band music and kids music, although on the boy band front he prefers dance-y songs over ballad-y songs and on the kids music front he has to steer through a minefield of cheaply-produced 80s cartoons that use synthesized music to save cost on an orchestra.

So far, nothing else has happened to change his tastes.

Although eventually Robbie's introducing him to emo.

I listen to too much music for the question "what songs do you listen to," it's like asking "what words do you use" lmao, lemme look at my recent activity. Lately I've been getting into She Hates Emotion and the new albums by Zeal & Ardor and Fleshgod Apocalypse; I've been slacking in my metal education on learning the difference between black metal and death metal (I usually focus on symphonic metal & neighboring genres) so I'm looping back to the basics to learn more there; big fan of Saltatio Mortis's new album; I've been listening to the deeper cuts & newer material of mainstream early 00s alt rock & nu metal bands (Shinedown, Stone Sour, Staind) to see what I've been missing out on beyond their radio hits; and in general the past few months I've been trawling through playlists of classic 80s goth, dark wave, synth pop, & aggrotech to expand my library there. Very excited for the new Linkin Park lineup, love their new vocalist so far and it's heartening to see them releasing new material. Not so excited by the new Nightwish album, it has the nightwish sound but not the spark. This isn't even an accurate representation of my full musical tastes, I've just been really into metal recently. Current favorite bands of the last few years are Alt-J and Ghost. I listed some of my favorite albums on this post. It's too bad you can't just link your Spotify liked songs without sticking them all in a separate playlist—oh hold on I have a songs I can sing playlist, it's perpetually incomplete on top of being 3-4 years out of date but it's a starting point.

[obae-me]

Ooh! for the blurbs I wanna request Lucifer with hurt/comfort! What can I say bittersweet angst is my kryptonite >.< I hope you get over your writers block soon <3

You know I'm always capable of writing for my boy. And with hurt/comfort? I know exactly what to do for this!

And thank you! Writers block for me is like a chronic plague. I'll get over it, I always do. Thank you <3

---

TW: Blood, burning. It's all in a nightmare, but still beware.

---

Burning.

It always starts with the burning. Then it's followed by his brothers screams. He always tries to call out, but he gets suffocated by blood and ash. It's a nightmare. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows this. But he can't wake up. Can't stop his mind from panicking as he feels his heart beat out of his chest as he spirals through the sky like a raging inferno. The ground approaches. He hits it, sending dirt flying through the air as his body scores a trench into the earth. That didn't wake him up this time? He feels them, the phantom pains. Arms, wings, everything awash in a firey pain. Then, the sound of his brother's bodies striking solid ground all around him. Wait. This wasn't the same. That...sound... Lucifer's fingernails clawed through the ground as he dragged his nearly useless body over to where someone lay.

Wait, no, stop! This was---

He awoke suddenly, sweat dripping down his face. No, wait... he was... With a shaking hand, he rubbed the tears away from his eyes, getting out of bed. His limbs still felt the tingling after-effects of the dream. Lungs tight with panic, he stumbled over to his record player, his fingernails gripping the furniture as he steadied his disoriented mind. Music, something to calm him down. Without really paying much mind to the specific record, he threw a vinyl onto the player, heading back to his couch to sit down and listen to the song play.

He hadn't had a dream like that in a while... and no matter how much he tries to heal, to move on, the nightmares are always there to drag him back.

"Luci?"

His head lifted up, realizing he had been dangerously close to falling asleep again on the couch. He spies MC waving their hand through the cracked open door, trying to get his attention while refraining from intruding too much. They must've knocked. He hadn't heard them. "Come in." He ran a hand through his hair, sitting up and attempting to make himself presentable in this state.

They poked their head in first before allowing their body to follow, shutting the door behind them. "I was passing by and heard your music." As they took a step closer, it was clear they quickly observed the little distressed details, no matter how much Lucifer had tried to hide them. "Are... you alright?" They hesitated to ask Pride such a question but found themselves asking anyway, sitting beside him on the couch. "Can I do anything for you?"

The demon's sin seemed to fizzle a little, dampened by the unease still swirling in his stomach. "Simply... stay with me for a little while." His hand gently reached down, touching their shoulder, his touch trailing down to their hand where he was simply content to let his palm settle on top of theirs. "Just your company puts me at ease," he sighed. The grip on his hand tightened, his eyes actually widening in surprise as his arm was tugged, his torso pulled down into a hug. A different sort of heat flooded his body as his cheeks tinted a flustered sort of pink. He quickly got over himself, shaking his head a little and actually chuckling. "I suppose this is fine too... Thank you."

[gabessquishytum]

Okay as a Particular Kind of asexual I have a rather specific au. It could work for both Hob or Dream but for my purposes let's go with Dream on this one. Human Dream is a HUGE workaholic. Like stressed 24/7, can't relax for the life of him, insomnia to the MAX. he's tried EVERYTHING. Yoga, affirmations, candles, drugs, fuck it he's even tried going GLUTEN FREE for fucks sake but nothing can break this cycle of physical and mental stress. He's gotten the "You need to get laid dude" but he can give HIMSELF an orgasm just fine, and it hasn't reset his brain or body, and the effort of going out, finding someone who wants him, determining whether they're a seriel killer, doing the Whole Hookup Song and Dance, with the high probability that it won't even work or be particularly good? It's just more stress on his plate. So a friend, could be a good friend (Lucienne) or a bad friend (Corinthian), suggest he see a Professional. A professional Dom, that is. He needs out of his head for a while, and that's the whole idea right? Just letting someone else do the driving. Cue Hob, Gentle Dom Extraordinaire, who has JUST the right touch for this mess of a man. He's kind and friendly, the kind of guy you WANT to listen to honestly, a guy you can trust, and he never gets meaner than some teasing, keeping Dream from feeling defensive and storming off. Dream goes in pretty skeptical of the whole thing, but by the time he's come out he's already addicted. Their first few sessions are distictly non sexual, but after a while they start branching out, working out Dream's physical stress...

I do think it would be really good in the other direction too, I just don't think Hob would have particular trouble NEEDING a Dom, I think he'd just try it as he does many things in his Insatiable Lust for Life and falls for Dream's Domming specifically. Soft Dom Dream? You'd never guess, especially since outside their sessions he's such a..stone cold asshole tbh. You'd think he'd be mean and demanding, but his soft deep voice says such sweet things instead, Hob MELTS.

Thanks for the platform to project all this outwards, it would be stewing in my mind FORVER otherwise

Ooo yes I'm a big fan of domination being a part of lifestyle which isn't always sexual. Dream being dommed into basic self care is something that can be so personal actually. And honestly? I can see Hob benefitting from the same thing. I can definitely imagine him going through fluctuating mental health and needing a steady hand to get him back on the right track.

Back to Dream, though. I love the idea of him going to Hob with certain expectations (Cori told him that it would be all whips and chains). But Hob is soft and kind, and he quickly puts Dream at ease. The first session is all about finding out what Dream wants, what his triggers are, how he wants to feel at the end. Hob eases him into the dynamic by guiding him through a series of orders - it's more like a guided breathing exercise than anything else, and it does give Dream a more realistic idea of what sessions with Hob are going to be like. There's also a very nice massage specifically for Dream’s hands, which he's never had before.

He leaves feeling like he's floating, with strict instructions from Hob to call if he feels any negative side effects whatsoever. He can't believe how good he feels! And he wants to be such a good boy for Hob.

Within a few weeks, Dream is eating nutritious meals and going to bed without his work laptop. He's got more important things to do in bed! He's got to send Hob a picture of his cute little hole stretching around an egg plug by 9pm, or he'll be in big trouble...

[bisaster-energy]

you can tell me about your idea!!!

thank you so much 😭 it's kinda long sorry

SO i was listening to a song my sister like (Valerie, Amy Winehouse) and there's this line about ginger hair and it was just so specific ig it stuck with me? so im thinking man who do i know with red hair...DUH KUWABARA!!!

nearly every song i listen to gets assigned a character or ship or relationship of some sort idk why but yeah once i fixated on the hair i was able to expand on the rest of the song and a sort of idea settled in the back of my head about kuwameshi

we all know kuwabara is always the one getting left behind but what if while he's off doing his thing yusuke also feels that sense of loss? an absence even though it was his decision to up and leave. it makes no sense cos hey! you felt the need to go back to the demon realm bro but he cannot help how he feels left behind in some illogical sense. i made some notes 😤😤

centers round the time where yusuke goes back to makai after the whole sensui debacle and kuwabara is getting his education studying in prep for college (hell yeah boy !!) not sure if the timelines even match up like that but i literally dont care

i'm working under the canon divergence that keiko really did decide she's not gonna wait for urameshi like that but ofc she's still his bestie and he loves her sooooo much <3

so he's going back. he's a demon now so he feels drawn to the culture. it's a side of himself he's never known after feeling so othered ofc he's interested right?

i mean sure he grew up with other humans but almost everyone hated him/was scared of him ironically he was called a demon or monster or wtv

reactions like that are why he almost decided not to come back to life in the first place!! it wasn't a welcoming atmosphere and even his home didn't feel great cos his mom isn't exactly the mothering type

im all for deadbeat moms but the neglect will fuck a kid up. demon heritage or not

and he loves her and all but it's just all fucked up at home so he ended up wandering around a lot being mad about his shitty life and he likes fighting so that's what he did!

and obviously in makai this behavior isnt like. crazy or uncalled for

but yeah the only connections he's got to ningenkai is his mom, keiko (her parents by extension) and of course kuwabara; the only friends he managed to not scare off

anyway. you get it. so yusuke is back in makai and without his permission his mind keeps wandering to kuwabara who he hasn't seen in let's say. a year and some change? i'll decide later but A While

and like. last time he was in the demon world kuwa was WITH him yknow? like yeah the world was ending but it feels weird without him even if he is having a blast fighting with his new demon buddies and acquaintances

so he's a little distracted when he literally came here to fight he cant even focus on it

"how is college prep treating him? are the teachers there just as bad as middle school? did he make new human friends? a girlfriend?" basically he's spiraling over changes he might be missing out on this very moment

there's a bunch of talk in the song where the singer wonders if valerie dyed her hair if she's busy if she ever paid that fine if she sold her house if she got a man so that's where i got it lol

yusuke doesn't have to worry about kurama and hiei cos hey they're from here and have lived way longer and they actually do visit but who knows what typa shit could be happening to kuwa right now

ofc he can take care of himself he's really strong but yusuke can't help but remember that time he let kuwabara go when he shouldn't have and he almost died because he wasn't there and yeah. he's worried. sue him

so it's half worry half wistfulness and maybe some other secret third thing and when hiei and maybe kurama (depending on how the idea forms as i write) come to visit or maybe they're also participating wtv

he cant help but think well kuwabara could be here with us if he really WANTED to :/ he's got the jigen to down pat by now so...why hasn't he...

and those old but ever remaining insecurities resurface about how people don't wanna be around him they think he's a nuisance at best no good waste of time a trouble maker. keiko already dumped my sorry ass so who knows maybe kuwabara just...wisened up

hiei and kurama are like this bitch is back on his bullshit (affectionate)

they manage to weedle his worries out of him hiei ofc trying to act like he doesnt really care (he cares a lot) "you must not have much faith in kuwabara if you think he'd abandon you just from some time apart. and i thought HE was the oaf between the two of you"

kurama with his fox self is like "well yes hiei is right of course kazuma is too loyal to do something like that. but he is human...the only human of us now."

yusuke is like wth is that supposed to mean on the defensive even tho kurama is their friend and hasn't even said anything untrue and hiei narrows his eyes a bit maybe but is still acting like this doesn't really concern him

"i just mean that...from what i've learned about humans over the time i've spent with them...time feels different. we demons live such long lives that when faced with the human lifespan well...it can be laughable to some. that's why demons can be so callous about their lives."

yusuke just wants him to get to the point ofc "what i'm saying is we don't need a lot of contact with each other to keep relationships fresh and healthy but, kuwabara might be a little different. 3 years will do nothing to your bond but...i do worry about longer periods..."

and he seems to just trail off and it just gets quiet and a little sad and hiei isn't looking at them anymore

kurama starts again pretty cheerfully tho "well, don't worry! i'm planning on staying in the human world for quite some time once i'm done with this visit! i do have the company to take care of so i'll make sure to see kazuma all the time! i'll even send him a message from you if you want to say anything :)"

kurama has deliberately been using kuwa's first name knowing damn well urameshi doesn't even use it because this dude is not JUST a sweetie he's a fucking master manipulator. gaslight gatekeep bbg

yusuke is like okay yeah no new plan i'll just go see him now. no need for a middle man thanks anyway and then he's just gone. left the tournament early. like bruh that's what you came here for 😐

so yeah he's breaking into kuwa's house next thing you know and ofc he goes through the window not the door like a normal person and he just kinda stops short because he hasn't seen his friend in what feels like forever even though it's only been like a year or so but he just looks so different

and yeah a big part might be the hair he's never seen without that popadour, long soft copper coils, and he's somehow even bigger than when yusuke left him jesus when did he get so swole? when did he have time in between all those brainiac classes

yusuke knows he's bound to look a lil different too ofc i mean they weren't kids anymore really but like. when they hell did you go and grow up?

"next time i come back is this even gonna be your house anymore? will you still wanna hang out with dropout delinquent demon urameshi?" he gets so insecure in so little time

anyway kuwabara didn't sense him at first cos yusuke isn't a threat and he never really thought he'd be coming especially not yet but when he does notice

kuwabara just gets the biggest goofiest grin he's like urameshi you dog when the hell did you get back in town you're early!!

and yusuke is significantly eased by this reaction but now he feels stupid cos he up a left everything just to what? bother kuwabara while he studies to achieve his dreams? yusuke has got no human world aspirations like keiko had. like kurama has. like kuwabara.

and ofc kuwabara looks glad to see him but he wasn't desperate enough to just show up like yusuke had just done and he feels like a pathetic loser so he pouts

he's like yeah hey man just uh. checking in. and i should probably check out hah you seem busy with your books so im gonna scram and he tries to retreat through the window

and ofc kuwa is NOT letting him get away

and there's that desperation yusuke had selfishly wanted to see. kuwabara had just grabbed him without thinking even though he'd promised himself when urameshi left he wasn't gonna just sit around waiting for his life to start when he came back

he remembers when yusuke took him into that headlock and he wanted to succeed like he said he would that day

but still he's just thinking about urameshi all the time and it's awful. he always said he was gonna beat him some day but he just wanted to be near him. but all he sees is his back, even right now

part ii cos it's too many words!

[ladyculebras]

hello! i'm a big fan of your fics, and was wondering if you had any particular inspirations for you dexter/harrison fics, specifically 'carnivore incarnate'. it's so fascinating! also, forever hoping you'll write more for this fandom ❣

anon, this is incredibly flattering, and I really hope you're still around to read this response. I'm sorry it took me a while. I wanted to really be...comprehensive in my thoughts and this ended up pretty rambly. In some ways, this is an excuse for me to write about my process for my very rare pair, which is self-indulgent, but I hope it'll be of interest to some people at least.

Stoker and Raw are, in general, two inspirations for me that I keep in mind while writing Dexter/Harrison fic. Stoker, because the way I write Harrison, it's always a coming of age story vis-a-vis serial killing. For carnivore incarnate, I specifically drew on Raw for some of the visuals and violence. Both of those films are coming of age stories with incestous vibes and murder, and that's the vibe I want for my fic.

As far as carnivore incarnate goes, well, there's the quote the title is from, which is the Angela Carter's The Bloody Chamber, a short story collection; the quote is specifically from The Company of Wolves in it; but I wasn't really drawing on the short story in particular, I just like the quote a lot and I kept hearing it in my head while writing it.

In terms of the vampire mythology, I made it up xD There's absolutely shades of Being Human UK (blood drinking as addiction, daywalking vampires) and The Lost Boys (half-vampirism) and even a bit of The Coldest Girl in Coldtown (not-fully transitioned vampires drinking vampire blood), but I constructed the mythology based on what I needed to make the story work. I needed Dexter to walk in daylight, or else he doesn't work as a Miami blood-spatter analysis, so I decided daylight doesn't have an effect, or it has minimal effect. I needed Dexter to age, so he looks Dad-aged to Harrison, not like Season 1 era Dexter, so I decided blood keeps him young and if he doesn't drink, he'll age at a normal rate. I needed Harrison to be in some half-vampire state where he knows he is not Normal but plausibly think his issues are all psychological, and not that he's a vampire, so I decided he doesn't get his fangs until he makes a kill.

I am writing more for this fandom! The problem is, all my ideas are huge, so it takes forever for me to finish something, and I also get distracted by other projects, because I get easily frustrated if I spend too long on one thing. I sort of can't talk about what I'm currently writing, because it's for an exchange (hopefully) and I need to stay anonymous until I post it, but it should hopefully be done...in a month? I think it needs a month's more of work. I have multiple Dexter/Harrison ideas that I've already started, and I'm writing one Harrison/Brian idea that's about...30k at the moment, but again, slowest writer alive.

I am also really deeply inspired by music; I can write without it, but it always helps. If i'm a low mood, music can help pick me up and put me in a better mood for writing. Certain songs evoke the right feelings or emotions for a scene, or a character, or a specific event, and help me with the imagery or mood. This is the most self-indulgent thing but I make a playlist for most things I write. I don't have a specific carnivore incarnate playlist, but I do have a Dexter/Harrison playlist I made for you gave me my very first gun that I've just been adding to it as I write and turned into a catch-all Dexter/Harrison mix:

you gave me my very first gun

I also have these two other writing mixes that I use for writing Dexter/Harrison, or other Dexter-related or Dexter adjacent content:

monsters are always hungry

no blood for you will ever be enough

I've been listening to that third one a lot while writing. There's a lot of overlap between mixes, and I guess if I had to pick 5 songs that inspire my Dexter/Harrison feelings for writing, I'd go with

patron saint hunter - timber timbre

evil - interpol

alligator blood - nicole dollanganger

glycerine - bush

you want it darker - leonard cohen (thank you, bones and all, for bringing this to my attention)

Thank you for asking! I'm glad you're enjoying the fics. There's such a small audience for this, so I really treasure any level of engagement I get <3

[noagskryf]

Hi! I saw you were looking for asks and I have one! I first followed you after you posted about your experiences as a nonbinary Taylor Swift fan and I wanted to know more about that, since I’m also a nonbinary Taylor Swift fans!

For me the first idea to ask that came to mind is if there are any songs that you feel kind of speak to the experience of being nonbinary? I know Taylor is a cis straight woman who doesn’t write from that perspective, but I have found a few songs of hers that I love listening to through the lenses of my experiences as a nonbinary/trans person. Specifically mirrorball and Daylight for me are those songs. I’m wondering if you’ve had experiences like that too?

Non binary swifties unite!!! That post i made got me so much controversy in my ask box its insane but i'm glad you found me through it 😅

This is kinda random but i love how she, a woman, sings betty, a song from the pov of a teenage boy. I know it wasn't a grand gender statement but i love the gender fuckery of it all.

As an nby Christian, the line from BDILH "i just learned these people only raise you to cage you" hurts and heals me simultaneously on a spiritual level.

Can't do this without giving a shoutout to YNTCD because gaaaaay and i feel like half the time as an nby person i'm telling people to chill about my identity

evermore (the song) and long story short are kinda nby/trans ish? Just the way that coming out is at first so painful and difficult but eventually "i realise that this pain wouldnt be for evermore" and "long story short i survived" all the hell and transphobia.

I also 100% agree with mirrorball and Daylight!

[inkedmoth]

STORY TIME!

So a few years back I found a song that I absolutely loved, it really resonated with me and a story I was writing for my own world. It was called "Hell or High Water" by the Rescuers. It fit the storyline perfectly, and I was quick to slap it into a playlist for that story, liked it on youtube, all those usual things you do with a new song you like!

But I didn't buy it.

I never buy music, I listen to spotify and youtube and that's all I need. But it was a mistake not to buy this song, because out of the blue a few months ago, that band deleted and removed ALL their songs from the internet.

Gone. Scrubbed overnight and without a word to their social media.

Needless to say that was a little upsetting but after So. Much. Digging. I found an acoustic version of the song from when they'd performed at a small venue. It wasn't the same, didn't have the same resonance or weight, but it was the same tune and lyrics so it would do. I accepted that the song was gone and that I probably wouldn't listen to it in full again.

Until last night.

Last night I decided to google Hell or High Water. It had been on my mind a lot recently, and maybe it was a last ditch attempt to see if there was any news or updates from the band. It had been a few months, maybe there was a development, an explanation as to the lost music, or maybe there was nothing. I wasn't really holding out hope for any changes, but I thought I'd check their socials at least.

I didn't get that far, because the first result was a reddit page.

A group of users were ALSO asking the same question, wondering the same things, discussing the removal in preparation of a musical coming out. The Lost Boys Musical.

BUT a user had found a copy of my missing song, tucked away in the middle of a pirate themed playlist on youtube. It existed! It was real! I'd not dreamt the whole thing up! There was a copy and while it had rigging creaking and water sloshing overlaid, it was THERE!

Now remember it's midnight I'm in bed, with my phone's speaker pressed to my ear grinning like a lunatic. While I'd love to leave a comment there and then, I decided to leave it till morning.

I needn't have bothered.

Because all tucked up in bed, I decided to scroll down to read the comments and to see if any of the reddit users had commented, I found they had! In fact, one had specifically asked the maker of the playlist if they had heard of this songs removal, if they knew anything about the band. Or if they had a copy.

Not only did the playlist maker have a copy, they immediately slapped it into a google drive and posted a PUBLIC LINK!

I've never hit a download link so quickly or so recklessly in. my. life.

But I have it back! I have a copy on my phone and my laptop and now this atmospheric-slightly-too-much-sound-effect playlist, but you know what that is great! Its fantastic! This song was utterly lost and gone but now I have a copy and I'm SO SO HAPPY. I've been listening to it on repeat all morning because I've missed it so much.

BUT WAIT there's more!

The reason this song has been plaguing me so much recently, is because it's a perfect fit to one of my fic plans. The fic, which I intend to call "Hell or High Water", is named for the song. The lyrics fit perfectly to various scenes, the vibe of desperation and determination is a perfect fit. The fic is made for the song and the song is made for the fic, to the point where I couldn't write this without the song, and I'm legitimately considering sneaking the lyrics in here and there to the story. The acoustic version was okay, but it wasn't right, but now I have the original and everything is perfect.

So I'm taking this as a sign, and I'm going to start plotting this fic. And since I'm in such a great mood, I'm also going to share a big chunk of a scene I've already written for it.

I'm so happy.

I'm so looking forwards to writing this, and I can't wait to share it with you guys.

[mewtonian-physics]

Why I Like Puella Magi Madoka Magica (Yes, This Includes Rebellion)

I actually highly recommend people who haven't seen it but are shunning it based solely on what they've heard to read this. I'd say 'if they don't mind spoilers' but I get the feeling most if not all of them have already gotten all the spoilers without the proper context. Anyway, yeah. I have a lot to say about this show.

Let me just say right off the bat that no, I do not like Gen Urobuchi. He's done some truly horrifying things. I do not believe Puella Magi Madoka Magica to be one of those things; however, if someone is turned off from watching it due to his involvement I have no issue with that.

On to address the biggest argument I tend to see against this show.

"It's torture porn!"/"It's just a bunch of teenage girls suffering for twelve episodes!"/And so forth.

I feel like there's a double standard here. For example, there's another show I like called Hunter x Hunter. Hunter x Hunter has an extremely long arc generally referred to as the Chimera Ant arc.

Now, the Chimera Ant arc involves a lot of fucked up things. It's many chapters and many episodes of Gon and Killua, who are around 14 or 15 at the time, going through absolutely horrific trauma. This includes: all but watching a mentor figure die in front of them; fighting inhuman creatures, many of whom used to be human; being put into life-and-death situations by people who evidently don't care that much about their wellbeing; fighting amongst themselves; being driven to the brink of despair and becoming something truly horrifying and wanting nothing more than revenge; and almost dying many times.

These elements I listed... are some of the main things I see people complain about with regards to Madoka Magica.

Yet I have never once seen anyone call Hunter x Hunter torture porn. Not even the Chimera Ant arc specifically. I'm not saying that that never happens, but I've never seen it personally, and I certainly doubt it happens to the degree it does with regards to Madoka Magica. And the Chimera Ant arc is much, much longer. It is drawn out and horrible and gutwrenching and honestly, at some points, genuinely sickening.

So I can't help but wonder, why the double standard? To give people the benefit of the doubt, I tend to assume it's one or both of the following:

Madoka Magica is a magical girl show, which is not a genre you would typically expect such dark content. (Or, at least, it wasn't.)

It's because Gen Urobuchi is involved, and his other works cast a (fully justified) negative light on this one. Again, if this is your problem with it that is your prerogative and I do not blame you. But I actually rarely see people bring that up.

If I'm being less generous, I could say that perhaps it's some form of misogyny--that since the main characters of Madoka Magica are girls, it's worse and more unforgivable than it is for boy characters to go through similar things. (Because girls apparently can't handle trauma like boys can, or something? I don't claim to understand the reasoning behind it.) But I doubt that's actually the case in most situations, though I wouldn't be surprised if it was in a few.

Though really, if people want to complain about magical girl torture porn, Mahou Shoujo Site is right there. (God, I hate Mahou Shoujo Site.)

But that's enough with the rebuttals. I'm here to talk about why I personally like it.

Quality

I mean, come on. In terms of technical skill, this show has so much going for it. Outside of the occasional awkward moment (as showcased in the famous Meduka Meguca), the animation is stunning, particularly in the witch's labyrinths. The music is amazing and adds so much to each scene--some songs that played in particularly heartwrenching scenes still make me sad just to listen to. In my personal opinion, the voice acting in both the Japanese and English dubs is fantastic. (Though I know that's subjective for a lot of people.) The storyline is concise and does what it needs to do without padding things out or feeling rushed. Even the recap movies are worth watching for the new material they offer, to say noting of Rebellion. So much symbolism is packed into it without feeling forced (okay, except maybe for the 'Love Me Do' bit; that one felt a little excessive)--it's just something fun to think about. Hell, they came up with the runes system when they really didn't have to, and it's a great touch. On a purely technical level, I think Madoka Magica is amazing.

(General) Lack of Sexualization

Magical girl series are scary because they are a haven of fun costumes but also at high risk of oversexualizing teenage girls. I'd say it's the second worst genre in that regard. Although it's not perfect, particularly in regards to some of Mami's portrayal, Madoka Magica tends to steer away from sexualizing its characters. (Magia Record, on the other hand, went full tilt into that, which is a major factor when it comes to how much I despise it.) It does have some troubling moments, and honestly whoever animated the opening for the original show should come meet up with me some time (I just want to talk, I swear...) but I appreciate its general avoidance of the problem. (Also, the long transformation sequence in Rebellion not having a single moment of that at all is soooo refreshing. I love magical girl transformations. Right up until they start making the characters naked. Looking at you again, Magia Record... and like ten thousand other shows on top of that.)

Characters

My god. My god. I adore the characters. All five of the main girls feel so real to me, and they subvert expectations brilliantly. That calm, collected mentor figure? She's horribly lonely and acts like that because it makes her seem a lot stronger than she feels. The 'hero of justice'? So focused on her ideals that she doesn't see the truth of the matter until it's already too late. The selfish rival? Traumatized from her own time trying to be a hero and the horrible consequences. The cool, mysterious girl? An anxious kid trying to protect her only friend (and/or crush). And unlike a lot of magical girl shows, the main protagonist isn't a leader at all--she's just a normal kid watching her life fall apart around her and trying desperately to figure out what to do even as everything seems completely hopeless.

The character development feels genuine, and not just that--this show's portrayal of mental health issues is something I'm never going to forget. I watched it for the first time when I was the same age as the main characters and hadn't yet realized just how bad my own issues were, and I felt seen in a way I didn't fully understand myself. The scene where Madoka bursts into tears at breakfast because she's just realized the danger she was in and is grateful to be alive to eat breakfast with her family is heartwrenching. Kyouko and Homura closing themselves off to the world because their painful experiences have left them feeling like they can't rely on anyone else is horribly believable. Mami hiding her loneliness behind the façade of a cheerful, cool big sister figure is painful. And Sayaka. My god, Sayaka. I'll get into her in the next section.

Witches as a Metaphor for Depression

So, this is pretty obvious. I mean, it's despair that makes a magical girl turn into a witch. The things a witch leaves behind are literally called Grief Seeds. But it feels so true to life even outside of that. Watching Sayaka's ideals, hopes, and dreams get crushed and her subsequent spiral is something I've seen multiple other people talk about relating to in the same way I did. Sayaka is perhaps the most relatable character in the show for someone with depression. She starts out as a confident, cheerful, idealistic girl, and then the real world hits her. The world where there are truly horrible people who do awful things for no reason (the men on the train, for example). The world where good deeds don't necessarily get rewarded and good intentions don't make everything turn out okay. The world where sometimes things just suck and no amount of ideals can change that.

As her Soul Gem gets corrupted, it becomes more and more similar to severe depression. She experiences fatigue and dissociation and hopelessness, and she lashes out at her best friend for not being in her shoes even as she knows what she's doing is wrong--she runs away crying in the rain afterwards beating herself up over it. And at the end, when she reaches a point of absolute despair and no longer holds any of the ideals she once had, having become disillusioned with reality, she implodes. She draws into herself and creates a world of the things she loves, and attacks Madoka and Kyouko when they try to bring her out of it. She gives up entirely on the world and on herself. And supernatural influences or not, that's something a lot of people with severe depression can relate to.

But it doesn't stop there.

Rebellion And Its Inevitability

I've seen people talk about how they think Rebellion was out of character and unbelievable, but I have to disagree with that perspective. Rebellion is horribly believable, and despite the relative happiness of the main show's ending for everyone else (Madoka's speech about how people should hold on to hope and keep trying even when things seem impossible still brings tears to my eyes), Homura never really got any closure, and it's honestly not a surprise to me that things turned out how they did. I mean, think about it. The girl she spent literal years trying to protect just disappeared in the end, leaving her little brother and Homura as the only ones who remember her. No one else is even aware she ever existed at all. Homura says it herself in the movie--it made her feel like she was going crazy. Like her most precious memories with the person she loved most were just things she made up. How is a traumatized teenage girl supposed to deal with that? And yes, Homura is still a teenager--no matter how many loops she went through, she never actually aged. Her brain is still at the developmental stage it was when she started--that of a fourteen-year-old girl. She's not an adult and expecting her to make perfectly rational adult decisions is unfair--hell, expecting even an adult to make perfectly rational decisions in that kind of situation is unfair! And even though she decided to play the role of the devil, on some level she really thought she was doing what was best for Madoka, because the amnesiac Madoka told her that what happened would make her sad. Homura still spent the whole movie trying to do right by Madoka, even to the point where she was desperate to die so that Kyubey couldn't hurt Madoka anymore. Sure, her actions were hardly selfless, but again--this is a scared, traumatized teen in a desperate situation making a split-second decision. Even if she thinks Madoka will hate her for it, on some level she thinks she's doing the right thing. Actually, that's how you can tell--if it was a purely selfish action, she wouldn't accept Madoka potentially hating her. She'd want to keep Madoka by her side forever. But she doesn't. She accepts the fact that Madoka might someday hate her for what she did. She wanted to save Madoka even if it meant damning herself. And she didn't go about it in the smartest way, but yet again--scared, traumatized teenager.

All in all I think Homura's despair was inevitable under the circumstances. Rebellion's ending makes sense to me. And I love it just as much as the main show.

Okay, I'm going to call it there since this post is stupidly long already. Hopefully it helped explain at least a little bit of my love for this show.

[softtransbf]

I posted 1,053 times in 2022

207 posts created (20%)

846 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@rebeccaselfships

@letsgofoletsgo

@gothamcore

@charlies-gf

I tagged 548 of my posts in 2022

Only 48% of my posts had no tags

#otp: confession - 74 posts

#otp: love in bloom - 69 posts

#otp: pretty boys - 55 posts

#otp: my heart - 52 posts

#otp: unforgettable - 52 posts

#otp: don't want to be free - 45 posts

#otp: true desire - 31 posts

#otp: home safe together - 19 posts

#otp: good boys - 17 posts

#otp: love in our hearts - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#but i'll admit it's kinda cute when he comes up and bites my arm when i'm working on new songs and he wants attention -seowoo

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i want to try to collect data on what sources people self-ship from, but i don't think there's any way to reliably get a data set that's worth anything

there's a really cool data set out there, and i can't really get it.

[crush] is laughing at me (affectionately), because i'm genuinely kinda sad and definitely very pouty about this :(

4 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

that last post reminded me of an f/o i took off my list quite a while ago...

i miss him, but his source material butchered his character and just overall went to shit in so many ways that i can't engage with anything related to it. it makes me so Mad

i wish i could go back and watch the version of him i loved so much without fuckin losing it :(

4 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

#3

"after work" from the 1st prompt list, and "confession" from the 2nd prompt list, w/ whoever you want 😺 - @tedspankoffskiscanonbf

@tedspankoffskiscanonbf <3 tysm!

My Seo-woo tag literally is confession, so I gotta go with him on this one ^_^ (I'll make a separate post for after work)

Word count: 289

Warnings: Assumption of heterosexuality (idk a more concise way to put that)

Now I’ll confess my heart

I can’t hide my feelings anymore

That I like you, that I love you

That you’re my everything

"That was a preview of global superstar Kang Seo-woo's new single, Confession, which is coming out in just three days. Now, we're joined by the man himself for a quick word! Good morning, Seo-woo, how are you feeling, with the release so soon?"

Seo-woo smiled and nodded at the talk show host. "I'm feeling really good. I've worked hard on the song, and I'm really happy with how it turned out. I hope my fans will enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed writing it."

The woman returned his smile. "I'm sure they will. And I think I can speak on behalf of all of them when I ask- what was the writing process like? Was there someone in particular on your mind?"

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck as he shook his head. Of course there was. I’m in love with the most incredible guy in the world, and I wrote this song to tell him that. Every love song I ever write from now on will be about him.

"No, no there wasn't. The melody came first, and it just felt so sweet and light, I knew the lyrics had to be that beautiful innocence of a first-love confession. Not about a specific person at all."

"Millions of girls just breathed a sigh of relief, I'm sure. That's all the time we've got, thank you so much for joining us, Seo-woo!"

"Thanks for having me!" A commercial break was called, and he took a deep breath as he walked back to the green room. I have to tell him.

4 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

#2

Drabblecember: After Work

@tedspankoffskiscanonbf here's "after work"!

tag list: @gothamcore @librarian-lover

Pairing: Quint/Garthy O'Brien

Warnings: alcohol

Word Count: 543

Quint trudged into the bar, one hand massaging his temple. He saw Garthy sitting at their normal table, surrounded by friends old and new alike. Even more than usual, it seemed, and they hadn’t noticed him yet, so he went and got a drink. He couldn’t handle that much socializing sober. Not after the day he had.

After so many months in Leviathan, working at the Gold Gardens no less, he didn’t have to tell the bartender what he wanted; the drink was in his hand the moment he placed the coins on the bar.

He took a seat at the bar, threw the drink back, ordered a double, tipping generously. He drank the second one more slowly, savoring the burn and praying the first drink would hit quickly.

He was about halfway through his drink when he felt familiar arms wrap around his waist from behind and very familiar lips against his ear.

“My, my, darling,” Garthy murmured in the way that never failed to send shivers down Quint’s spine, “you didn’t even stop to say hello? You wound me, my love.” 

Quint moved their arms and scooted over a seat, not looking back at them. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s just been a Day, and I wanted to be in a better mood before joining you.” They sat down next to him and gently took the drink out of his hands.

“I hate to imply you’d be anything less than honest with me; I think this is more an issue of you lying to yourself. Are you sure you thought sitting here alone with your thoughts would put you in a better mood?”

He turned to face them with a soft sigh. “Sometimes I hate how well you know me, you know that?”

They chuckled and started rubbing small circles on his back. “No, darling, you really don’t. Now, you know my philosophy; this is a place where people come to forget their troubles. Talk to me, love. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, really. Just spent the day trying to balance the books from the casino. The crew that came through last week was great for business, but crews that big always make a nightmare of the records, and I can’t figure out a good long-term solution.”

He tried to swallow the tears he could feel forming. “I can’t solve that problem, and studying magic isn’t going well, and it all just feels like I’m not smart enough for any of this and not strong enough to learn how to fight, so what good am I here?” He sobbed, and Garthy pulled him into a tight hug.

“Oh, darling, why didn’t you tell me? Those are all problems we can solve, but right now, do you want to talk about solutions, or do you want to come with me upstairs, and we’ll get you a proper meal and maybe a massage?”

Now fully crying, he held them tighter and whispered into the crook of their neck, “Let’s go upstairs. Thank you, my love.”

They picked him up, pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and carried him up to their penthouse suite, determined to make every trace of self-doubt vanish by the end of the night. “Anything for you, my greatest treasure.”

4 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

If any of y'all are interested in being on a tag list as i write this month and hopefully more going forward, lmk? 🥺👉👈

6 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[whereismycanonevent]

Albums that are important to me Pt. 1

I wanted to write for a while but didn't really know what, so I thought I'm gonna make a list about my favourite albums, talking about them and explaining why are they important to me. Also, sorry for the grammatical errors, I usually write them in the morning so I get my thoughts without "filters" (I'll correct them in time).

Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly (2015)

I wasn't really a big album guy until a few years ago, until I gave this album a listen. I've heard so many good things about this record, so I decided to sit down and listen to it from start to finish. And Damn. Completely changed my mind not only on music, but album wise as well. I always thought an album should be banger after banger and replayable all the time, but that's not the case at all. You can also tell a story, share your thoughts and also share yourself. Hood Politics stood out for me for sure. I always love when an artist/author talk about themselves in another perspective. Especially negatively. It's so difficult to be vulnerable around people, even to close friends, but to put it out to the world? Can't even imagine. Personally, I don't listen to this album all the time, but I have a really special place in my heart for it.

Favourite songs: King Kuta, These Walls, i, Alright, Momma, U, You Ain't Gotta Lie, Hood Politics

Mac Miller - Swimming (2018)

Swimming is one of those records that I could listen to all the time. Mac Miller was such a unique soul. I remember when me and my friend were blasting Self Care almost everyday. It was our jam. Then we had a sleepover and when I woke up the next day, my twitter was flooded with his passing. When I got home and listened to the album again, it hit me differently. Especially the line on the song "Self Care" "... like september I fall".

Throughout the record he openly talks about his drug issues and his mental problems, but also how much he changed and learned throughout his years. Despite this, he still looked for a better future he knew he could get through everything and did not want to give up by any means. The amount of emotions that he put in this album is insane. I'm getting overwhelmed just by thinking about it. Favourite songs: What's the Use?; Self Care, Ladders, Conversation Pt. 1, Come Back to Earth, Hurt feelings, Jet Fuel, Small Worlds

Mac Miller - Circles (2020) This is the continuation of Swimming and some people consider these two albums as the same hence the name "Swimming in Circles". I remember when "Good News" dropped as a single. I cried my eyes out. At the time I was dealing with mental problems and that song was really a nail in the head. Perfectly described me and I listened the absolute shit out of it. Couldn't wait for the whole album (which was a week later). And oh boy, it destroyed me (in a good way of course). Even now, as I listened to it to refresh my memories, hearing that first bassline and the synth joining in on the first song "Circles" made me so emotional and ready to cry (again). I have left so many emotions in those songs, that everytime I listen to them they reappear. Like when you tear up an almost healed wound or when you go to your old room and you get back every memory for a few seconds. Or even when you catch an old smell that reminds you of your childhood or a specific memory. Every. Damn. Time. I mean I got to a point where I hold these memories rather appreciatively, kindly. Because after all this time I feel better now and I learned so much thanks to them. And this is the point of this album also. To change. To get better. Not to forget, but to appriciate and learn from your mistakes. I can't thank Mac enough because of these two albums. Fun fact, on the last song "Once a Day" the ending chord is actually an "unstable" chord. And as the album repeats, on "Circles" the first chord is a "stable" one. Which means that not only the album title is "Circles", but the album itself is a never ending circle. Favourite songs: Circles, Good News, Everybody, Woods, Surf, Once a Day

Sticky Fingers - Caress Your Soul (2013)

StiFi is one of those bands that found me at the perfect time. When I was reading through the JoJo's Bizzare Adventures series, one of the characters, Bruno Bucciarati has a stand called "Sticky Fingers". I didn't know which album/band was that so I searched it up, well, originally it was named after The Rolling Stones album from 1971, but I found these guys as well. To be honest I didn't check them out, but Spotify had a different plan. The next week, they appeared on my discover weekly page with the song "Teenage Vertigo" (I still think that song is the least StiFi song ever), I liked it so I added to my library. And it took me year to really gave their discography a listen. I was instanly hooked. Every album has a different vibe, personality and overall mood. But the one that stands out to me is definitely Caress Your Soul (even though the band fucking hates it). I can't really explain the genre of it, some people would call it alternative. Well that's partly true, I would call it a blend of reggae and pshyc rock? Or pop? Difficult to wrap my head around it. One song can be psychedelic inspired the other one reaggae style, another one is just alternative rock, it's a lot. Mainly that's why I absolutely adore this album. Around a year ago I had a really bad mental breakdown and I was always listening to this album. It got me to a better headplace and picked me up from the ground. It was a miracle. If you could see my Spotify history, I listened to this record; Every. Single. Day. The opening track "How to Fly" always gets me in a better mood, almost calms me down. Every time I hear it, it brings a smile on my face (maybe because I got high on it all the time). Also they dedicated an entire song to Laika, the russian dog who got sent out the space, hello??? The song feels already sad enough, but after you learn the history behind it, you'll feel even worse. It also helped me get better with the guitar, I learned so much in such a short time. Most of my chord knowledge, techniques come from this album and from this band, being grateful would be an understatement. Aussies definitely know how to make music, they have it in their blood. Favourite songs: How to Fly, Caress Your Soul, Clouds & Cream, Bootleg Rascal, Laika, Kiss the Breeze

Turnstile - GLOW ON (2021)

Being blessed by Spotify's Discover Weekly again, "I Don't Wanna Be Blind" from their previous album "Time & Space" instantly got my attention. The bassline, the punchy drums, the catchy guitar riffs and the dreamy yet attention catching vocals brought it together. But I didn't listen to their other stuff until a while later when one of my close friend showed me the video for "MYSTERY" and "TURNSTILE LOVE CONNECTION". I was blown away, the videoclip is so well produced, perfectly fit the music as well. Then I decided to listen through the entire album and I'm not gonna lie, It got me mesmerised. The cover art matches the vibe as well. It went on repeat the entire day. They definitely found their voice with this album. The way they mix hardcore punk with this dreamy sound, it's mind blowingly works. What really stood out to me was the drum parts. Daniel Fang is a fantastic and versatile drummer. Still bringing the hardcore punk feeling, he also mixes it with latin and samba style grooves, like on the track "DON'T PLAY", that groove with the catchy guitar riffs?? Should I dance or should I go into a moshpit?? Why does it work so well??? They know when to be aggressive and know when to pull back just to punch you in the face with a heavy part. Like how "MYSTERY' ends and how "BLACKOUT" starts. Always pumps me up. Favourite songs: MYSTERY, BLACKOUT, HOLIDAY, WILD WRLD, ALIEN LOVE CALL, T.L.C. If you read it until this point, thank you! I've planned this out a few days ago, but I'm really happy how it turned out. It was also great, to give another listen to these albums. I'm trying to post the second part as soon as possible.

[chidoroki]

Ron Kamonohashi EP1&2

aka: sad yet silly fool full of passion claims a place in my heart

EP1:

Felt the desire to pick up something else this season and this was the only other series that struck me, mostly because of the slight psycho pass vibes I get from the summary and a couple voice actors I recognize.. but also.. Ron caught my eye real quick, so here I am.

“You’ve been fooled by a culprit and let them get away twice, haven’t you?” “Three times.” Oh this poor lad. At least he’s honest with his mistakes.

I think I honestly prefer Ron with the messy hair rather than how snazzy he looked in that old photo.

Is this dude capable of telepathy that he can hear Totomaru’s thoughts without even seeing him?

The baggy sweatpants and jacket along with his hair covering his eyes? Oh yeah, he strikes my fancy. The odd mark on his neck intrigues me too, unless it’s a tattoo, but even then that also checks off a box of mine.

“Your eyes are so dead now! They don’t reflect the light at all!” Well that’s where you’ll come in Totomaru, be the shining light that brings some excitement back into this depressed man’s life again!

This man really just flopped on the floor outta nowhere.. his level of laziness is such a mood.

“I’ve hit the depths of despair.” “Rock bottom, you mean?” “But for some reason, I don’t want to say it.” “Then… don’t?” This exchanged shouldn’t have made me laugh that hard and yet here we are.

Yo hold up, Ron figured out Totomaru has been to a shrine due to the pollen on his shoulder, the unopened can of coffee and spare change in his pocket but how the hell did he notice all that when he originally made that comment about the shrine while the our boy was still in the hallway? Unless that speaker outside also had a camera.. but still. Such tiny, specific details to notice.

Ron’s just as good as professor Saiga with reading people.

I wish to hear more about this fatal flaw of yours sir that prevents you from pursuing your passion of being a detective.

“If I take sleeping pills to knock me out for three days. it’ll be fine!” Uh I’m pretty sure you won’t be though!!

The mark on his neck sorta looks like a 96 with a four-pointed star in the middle.

Ron may be a hermit but the dude works out hm?

I knew this guy was something special but talking to corpses like they’re an old friend is definitely an odd sight to witness. Hilarious of course with how he acts, but still creepy nonetheless.

Oohh we got a clear shot of his eyes! Pretty!!

Ah, he’s gonna set up Totomaru as the next victim isn’t he?

Why am I so fascinated by a man who enjoys lying outside on the streets so casually..

Oh no way, the barber is the culprit? He’s been drowning dudes in the sink?

Damn, he figured out the killer was a barber since all the victim’s hair were grown out and they wanted to get fixed up before their special events. Ron is too good.

Mhhhhmm his mood changed entirely up on the rooftop.

Did he just control the barber’s mind to make him jump? Ron certainly had some freaky stuff happening with his eyes..which I would like to see more of because they’re gorgeous.

Oh thank god Totomaru saved him, but Ron! Help the boy lift the guy up! Don’t just stand there having an epiphany!

“Apparently, I always pressure the culprits to death.” Yeeaah that’s kinda a big problem. A 100% solve rate is nice but not if ya can't arrest anyone.

At least he agrees to work with our newbie now.

EP2:

That’s it! It’s Kei who Ron reminds me of during his younger days when his hair is looking all fancy like that.

The OP is such an upbeat song to listen to while they’re running around finding dead bodies..

Ron solved one case and now he’s full of energy. A drastic change but good for him!

I love how much information he can gather from just looking at a simple photo.

Pftt that was such a swift outfit change too. I say our man is ready for the next case regardless of how low priority it is.

I’m in awe of how silly Ron’s interactions are with almost everything and everyone. I had clearly miss the comedy tag before starting this but I love it.

I bet ya anything it’s the sister who’s sneaking money outta the piggy bank.

Is he gonna do that eye catching hair flick every episode because if so I wanna say thank you to the animators now.

I’ll be damned, the petty case was actually part of the murder mystery. I did correctly catch on that it was the older sister who “stole” the money, I just would’ve never imagined she smashed said piggy bank over the head of her stalker, effectively killing him.

Ohhh Ron you gotta chill out, you’re making those pretty, mind controlling eyes again!

Amamiya has known Ron for like five minutes and she’s already smitten. Same here, sweetie.

“Well, this makes today a special occasion.” Yeah? What’s that? The day my heart adopts another fictional man? I admitted that already. Welcome.

Oh? It’s not just the on mark on his neck, he’s got several all over his body.

“I believe I’m best suited to the task.” Does this purple haired man at BLUE share a voice actor with Friede?? Lowkey scared and impressed I was able to pick up on that from just one line if correct.

Mhhmm even the ending song has a pleasantly hopeful vibe.

[oc-beehive]

Do you associate your magical girls with any songs/musicians or specific musical movements from the eras they were based off of? Other than Etsuko being grunge ofc (but if you have songs do share)

I hope you don't mind that I'm answering this as a textpost and not a drawing!! It seems more directed to me as a creator + i want to include links and you can't do that on an image. lol

I'll go in chronological order in terms of inspiration! This got REALLY long because I am insane so please excuse the paragraphs.

Disclaimer that I am American and thus my perception of music trends is pretty warped through the lens of what was popular in the US around these times.

Aimi - It's hard to mention the 50s music sphere without mentioning Elvis Presley. That's just a given. The 50s was the major rise of rock and roll, and there's a bit of that inspiration in Aimi's character. But her biggest association for me is no question Doris Day. Specifically songs like "I didn't slip -- I wasn't pushed -- I fell" and her version of "A Bushel and a Peck" (you know, the song from Guys and Dolls!). "Candy Lips" too. Very much the tail end of big band music that pervaded the 40s. I won't include more links because it would just be her entire discography. All those saccharine flowery metaphors about love??? Totally up her alley. I like to imagine that her magical girl transformations are similarly accompanied by those jaunty string plucks.

Hikari - The 60s! The British Invasion! Hoo boy. Initial honorary mention here goes to Roy Orbison's "Oh, Pretty Woman". Outside of that, though, she's definitely a Peter, Paul, and Mary typea girl. "If I Had a Hammer", "Weave Me the Sunshine", so on. A bit more folksy than one might expect, and completely ignoring the elephant in the room, but I think it fits her well! Throw in a couple early Beatles hits if you really must - "Love Me Do" and "I Want To Hold Your Hand" come to mind. Anything simple but upbeat, with a focus on guitar in the instrumentals. "Lemres," you say, "that's every single fucking pop song from the early 60s". Yes. Yes it is.

Akane - Time to get your groove on. The 70s kind of exploded in variety for popular music, and Akane leans heavily towards the disco side, but it's not exclusive. Immediate picks are anything by Earth, Wind and Fire - "Shining Star" and, of course, "September". I am legally obligated to bring up the Jackson 5. "Blame It on the Boogie" is a good pick. Don't tell me you can't imagine a planning montage to these bass lines. Lots of pop and rock acts emerged around this time, but most of them don't seem her style. She'd love David Bowie though. We all love David Bowie. Specifically Diamond Dogs. Shoutout to "Rebel Rebel".

Izumi - Listen man, I had to save writing this blurb for last. The 80s spans so much music. Izumi is a clusterfuck. I guess that makes this appropriate? AC/DC is definitely up there in terms of artist inspiration, with some Journey and REO Speedwagon on there too. I think they deserve a little bit of power ballad, as a treat. Also glam metal/rock, like Poison. You know what? I'm just gonna throw a bunch of songs out there and make you figure it out. "Back in Black", "Walk this Way", "Nothin' But a Good Time", "Once Bitten Twice Shy", and so on. They're having fun and that's what matters.

Etsuko - As mentioned, Etsuko is chiefly inspired by grunge bands! The good old Seattle Sound. Nirvana are obviously the poster child band for that - Pearl Jam and Soundgarden coming in a very close second and third. The latter two of those bands hate(d) being called grunge, by the way. Song examples are "Lithium", "Even Flow", and "Outshined". It's like if you took punk rock and played it through speakers submerged in molasses. Good shit. Mudhoney is also a GREAT example, especially songs like "Good Enough". This is the perfect genre for Etsuko because most of it is composed of complaining vaguely about Society™ and relationships, which is all she does in life.

This has been a glimpse into my sick and twisted mind. If you'll excuse me I have about 40 tabs of YouTube to go and close now.

[sardonic-the-writer]

song analysis: the gambler by kenny rogers

overall purpose: this was an actual song that was played in the show over footage of bobby, so by proxy i sort of automatically associate it with bobby and ezra. bobby's the father figure for sam and dean, yes, but also a mentor to ezra. he was one of the first people to help ezra learn about the supernatural once officially becoming a hunter, and the lyrics about a man offering advice to the listener on how to play pocker reflects that ("you never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. there'll be time enough for countin', when the dealings done")

"every gambler knows the secret to surviving, is knowing what to throw away, and knowing what to keep," this could be an ironic lyric adjacent to ezra being unable to cut ties with people he should for his own safety; the biggest example being the winchesters. ezra isn't a winchester, it would have been very easy for him in the early seasons and meetings to just drop off the face of the earth and ignore sam and dean and the trouble that came with him. but he's sentimental in his own way like that, and couldn't bring himself to. once ezra gets attached to someone, it's really really hard for him to let go

"you've got to know when to hold em. know when to fold em. know when to walk away, and know when to run," i believe this would be representative of ezra's early cases as a fresh hunter where he's still learning the ropes. on those new cases, he'd more often than not repreat advice bobby or other more experienced hunters had given him under his breath so he didn't forget. it tended to work too, and it's a habit he keeps to this day (for example, if he needs to remember something, he can often be heard walking around mumbling things like "buy salt, rope, and milk. buy salt, rope, and milk. buy salt rope and mil-")

song analysis: sunday by the cranberries

overall purpose: this is a song mostly about deztiel, and the emotional baggage/blockage that comes with all of them. dean and ezra in particular, because while cas isn't exactly sure to navigate his emotions that's because he isn't human. for dean and ezra it's just years of tough gritty existence and pushing their own needs to the side

"you're spinning me around, my feet are off the ground," this symbolizes the rare moments of happiness that the three of them experience separately or together; like when ezra trusts dean enough to help cut his hair, or when cas touches dean to heal him even though he could do it without physical contact

"i don't know where i stand, do you have to hold my hand?" this could be related to the trouble of not only having a weird crush on one person, but two, and how dean and/or ezra specifically feel about that. they're the kind of idiots to see cas with the other smiling and being happy together, and withdraw because 'my two best friends are so good together so why would they need me?'. and the handholding line is a call to how ezra is unsure to approach physical relationships with anyone of the sort, friendship romantic or otherwise, past mindless sex. same with dean, albeit for different reasons. he uses sex as a distraction, ezra uses it to get his fix from someone since he believes he can't have the people he truly wants you know

"and i couldn't find the words to say 'i love you', and i couldn't find the time to say 'i need you'. it wouldn't come out right. it wouldn't come out right. it just came out all wrong," i feel like that one is pretty self explanatory.

song analysis: petals by hole

overall purpose: this one is about cas from the perspective of dean, mostly, with some ezra thrown in the mix. the opening line is literally "she's the angel on top of the tree," which could apply to so much, but i feel like the forest in purgatory comes to mind specifically, which makes the hidden meaning both heart breaking and romantic

"innocence was our fire, we told the truth. i miss the sweet boys in the summer of their youth," dean has a problem with change. he didn't like it when sam went to college, he didn't like it when sam quit the life when he was in purgatory, he didn't like it when cas started acting different than normal on multiple occasions (remember future!cas and emmanuel?), he didn't like it when ezra started hunting on his own, and he just doesn't like it when his normal life of traveling with his brother ezra, and sometimes cas, gets uprooted. he finds himself missing days where it was just gas station food and reading his dads journal religiously for answers on a ghoul or specter

"tear the petals off of you, make you tell the truth," this goes back to the habit all of them have of lying to 'bear their own cross' and 'not hurt the others,' even though nine times out of ten the lying is what hurts most

"all the lilies bloomed and blossomed, wilted and shivering. i cant stop their withering, oh, this world is a war," i mean, again kind of self explanatory considering everyone outside of the big four tend to die before it's their time and stay dead. also, all of them have been fighting the apocalypse on multiple occasions, and several times over the years

song analysis: army dreamers by kate bush

"four men in uniform to carry home my little soldier," the four of them (ezra, dean, sam, cas) not knowing who's going to be carrying the other home in their arms bloody next. who's going to die and come back or who's going to die and stay gone

"should have been a rock star; but he didn't have the money for a guitar," ezra should not have been thrust into the life as a hunter. he by all means should have been anything else, a musician a producer an artist anything, but after dying it just wasn't an option to live a normal life no matter how hard he could try. on the last line ('but he didn't have the money for a guitar') i like to imagine him reaching out for a guitar but his hand passing straight through it and him just pausing afterwards because. oh. yeah.

"should have been a politician; but he never had a proper education," sam was going to be a lawyer at stanford before being dragged back into all of this with dean, therefor he dropped out. out of the normal life out of the comfort out of everything sane. it gets to him some nights

"should have been a father; but he never even made it to his twenties," this could be about cas or dean. cas because he inhabits jimmy, who has a daughter that will never see her dad again. i imagine jimmy holding his kids face before his hand leaving her cheek as cas takes off with his wings. the equivalent of him dying in jimmy's family's eyes. the line also applies to dean because he's good with kids, he really is (like ben), but he's so self destructive that it never lasts too long. he either always runs away or has to watch them die before he has the chance to leave

doing song analyses of my sonas is probably one of my favorite ways to pass the time. i'm shoving two of my favorite things (music + my sonas) together like barbie dolls and making them kiss,,,

[lecl3rq]

ONLY EXCEPTION.

I have no idea what song u should listen to, so just read it and decide it urself ig??? idk

pairings : mcu!peter parker x fem!reader

summary : peter is the only exception.

warnings : shitty home life.

a/n : this fic is kinda based on me just not the meeting peter and avengers and the ages lols!! and tony being the readers father figure >>> also pls if this kinda hints at the reader having daddy issues im so sorry 😭😭 and theres also not a lot of dialogue cause i work better that way.

You didn't have a very good illustration of love, your parents got divorced when you were about 7 years old, before that, they fought for about 3 years of your life. You didn't remember clearly what it was about, all you remembered was, your dad cheating on her, your mom seeing other guys behind his back, and all that.

Then, when they got divorced, you stayed with your mom, only seeing your dad once every two weeks, she found a new guy, she loved him, he loved her, at least before they got married, they fought almost every night, ignored each other, they can't have one single conversation without it turning into fights.

So, since then, you hated- no despised the idea of love, but at the same time, you craved love, you needed it. You went to every guy that could give you attention and validation or just love, but when they wanted something more serious, you ran. You couldn't handle it, not after seeing what your parents went through.

Then, you met the avengers, tony to be specific, you met him when you were 14 years old, he became like a father to you, he gave you food, drinks, pocket money, protection, love, not that kind, the love a father is supposed to give you.

You met peter through him, he told you that he was going to recruit someone your age and maybe you could get along well with him, and you did, you guys were best friends, inseparable, you two were a package deal, then you caught feelings for him, because he gave you attention, that was directed to you and only you, and he also gave you validation, and you liked that, and well him.

Then a couple months later he asked you out, you were skeptical because you didn't want to get hurt, so you contemplated on saying no, but he treated you right, he listened to you, he was there for you, he was your shoulder to cry on, he was everything you ever wanted but you were scared. You said yes anyways.

So now, you guys have been dating for over a year, and you've been the happiest you've ever been.

"Hey, parker" you greeted as you walked into his room in the avengers compound, "Hey, sunshine" he greets back, turning around his chair to look at you, smiling. "What're you doing" you asked, a sigh leaving your lips as you set yourself down on his oh so comfortable bed, "I was studying for a math test i have tomorrow, you should too, you know" He answered, "We have different schedules, babe, i already did my test like 2 days ago" you chuckled, "Oh yeahh, i forgot" he said.

He stood up from his chair, and walked over to you, "Scooch, make some space for me" He said, since you were laying down in the middle of the bed, hands and legs spread out, you whined, but still moving. Peter lays down as you layed your head down on his bicep, his hands making their way to your hair and playing with them.

You sighed, you did not think that you would be in this position right now, in the arms of your dream boy, being in a relationship, you genuin-

"Hey, sunshine?" He asked cutting off the train of thoughts you had in your mind, his eyes looking at you, "Yeah?" You said in a questioning tone, eyebrows furrowed together, looking at him, "I love you" He confessed, his lips moving to make a nervous smile.

You gulped, you wanted to run, you wanted to bury yourself 6 feet underground, you wanted to just leave and start a whole new life, but you knew you couldn't, you had to confront it this time, so you sat up, and looked at him, opening your mouth to say something but no words come out.

Peter felt like he made a mistake saying it, not that his feelings are a mistake, like obviously he has a right to say them but naybe not now, cause right now he felt scared that you didn't feel the same way as him, but then again you guys have been in a relationship for a year now, but what if you were planning on breaking up with him or somet-

"Peter" you said his name, uncertainty lacing your voice, biting the inside of your cheeks, "yeah?" he said, "I- um I love you too" You smiled at him, he felt all the nervousness and worries leave his body the moment you said those 3 words, smiling back at you, he sat up, hands cupping your cheeks, "Can i kiss you?" He asked for permission, god, what did you do to deserve him, you nodded, and so he leaned in, capturing your lips, eyes closing.

You guys pulled away, foreheads resting against each others, maybe you hated love but peter, he was the only exception.