#i can't listen to that song without a specific boy coming to mind and I hate myself

[hiddenreamers]

I was in your music video - f1 drivers x singer!reader

SUMMARY: They say that if a poet loves you, they will write you into immortality. But if you date a musician, they might write you into the Billboard 100. Which is exactly what happens to your driver boyfriend.

Featuring: Lewis Hamilton, Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Carlos Sainz Jr, Max Verstappen, Charles Leclerc, George Russell

Note: Yes, two songs are sung by male artists. Yes, I'm going to ignore that fact and you should, too.

Lewis Hamilton

He's been in the room maybe five times. The space always felt strangely sacred to him - this is where you write, compose and practice songs with your band; this is where the magic, so to speak, happens. Walls are absolutely covered with tour posters, polaroids and printed-out articles. There's a large mirror that seems to be a message board considering all the sticky notes and words written with a marker. The only somewhat de-cluttered space is surrounding the setup. It's an unspoken testament to being a musician in a band.

There's a certain tension inside the driver. You've never asked him to listen to a song before it's finished. Sure, he has listened through your albums before they were officially released but it was always just that - a recording, not a live version. So what's different this time? Why is it vital he hears this song early?

Walking through the room, Lewis has to carefully watch where he's going. He doesn't want to accidentally break something by stepping on a cable or kicking a box with unknown contents. Inside a garage, he knows what not to touch but a recording studio and instruments are pretty much an unknown world to him.

Lewis is standing around a tad awkwardly, hands in pockets, when the bassist pushes a big black box closer to the driver.

"Have a seat." The musician points to the chest.

Lewis frowns. "On the box?" he asks, unsure. "Is that okay?"

"It's the Lucky Chest, Hamilton," the bassist announces. The other band members snicker at the title. "You have to sit on it."

"What's lucky about it?" Lewis inquires. More than the seating choice, he's interested in the reason for laughter.

"The first time we played at a big festival," the guitarist begins, her story slightly interrupted by her tuning the guitar, "we were sitting on it and listening to Green Day's stage, wondering 'how the fuck are we supposed to play after them?'."

"We were doing like a punk-rock tribute thing," adds the drummer. He's adjusting his seat and judging by the constant up-and-down movement, he can't make up his mind. The process is finally over when he reaches to tap the high-hat and nods to himself, content.

"After we finished our set," you take over retelling the story, "Billy Joe Armstrong came up to us and said we did great."

"So now it's the Lucky Chest," concludes the bassist.

Perhaps it's another testament to being a musician in a band when multiple people together tell one story without cutting details or creating chaos. A true harmony, though a joke a little on the nose.

"Well, I'm honoured," Lewis says. An airy giggle escapes him as he's still thinking about how easily teamwork comes to you and your band.

"You should be." The guitarist points her finger at him in a joking but accusatory way. Then she looks over her shoulder. "Whenever you're ready, drummer boy."

Music fills the room and Lewis is instantly captivated by you. He noticed it the first time he saw you on stage, how something inside you changes the moment you hear the instruments playing. Intensity, fire - passion in its most primal form. But this time around, the look in your eyes is different. You're no longer looking at the audience but him specifically; instead of singing a song, you seem to be telling him something.

So he listens.

I'm a desert, you're an ocean It's your motion that I need Without you I am broken, left to thirst out in the heat

And how strange he suddenly feels: all of the sentiments he already knows but now that you've put them into words for the whole world to hear, he can't help but find some revelation in them. For a moment, there's only the two of you and your confession of desire. Every word resonates with him and Lewis feels like he could say all of those things about you, too.

The song is far from over but he has already decided - he will listen to it before every race.

Lando Norris

Nothing seemed different about that day.

Lando is streaming while you're still at the studio. In an hour or so, you will come back, he will end the stream and the two of you will sit down to eat something. You will talk about your day, he will say something silly and both of you will laugh. Just like you always did.

To his credit, Lando couldn't have known about the song because you never told him. Some part of you thought it would be a bit dramatic to announce that you've written a song about him but can't play it yet because it's not finished. It would spoil the fun, wouldn't it? Therefore, you decided to tell Lando only after he listened to the final product. Perhaps you also wanted to seem a lot more nonchalant about the whole thing, planning on giving him just an off-hand comment of "oh, by the way, this one's about you". Life, however, rarely turns out the way we plan and that's exactly what happened that night.

If it was just one or two people calling Lando "honeybee" on the stream, he probably wouldn't even notice. But even he will pay attention when the comments are going on hundreds if not thousands.

He can't help but grow flustered at the pet name born out of his visceral fear of insects.

"Who told you that?!" he yells in a comically angry tone, a poor attempt at hiding embarrassment.

The comments come flooding again, explaining the situation only in variations of your name and the title Espresso. And like a detective following a crime, Lando immediately searches the internet.

"I feel lied to," he speaks up. "She didn't tell me she has a new song coming out. Why am I the last one to know? When I literally live with her? This is so unfair, I'm obviously the biggest fan, I should know first!"

Lando plays the music video. From the first line of "he's thinking about me every night", his bashfulness only gets worse. What starts as an excited smile, grows into a flustered, giggly mess. Although his pride is on the line, he can't deny any of the claims you make in the song. Yes, he couldn't sleep one night thinking about you and texted you about that. Yes, he does call you often even though he hates making phone calls. And yes, Lando Norris is, in fact, wrapped around your finger. What a horse is everyone can see and similarly, everyone can see and define who Lando is when it comes to his girlfriend:

"Simp?" he reads one of the comments. "Look, maybe I am but at the end of the day I'm dating her and you're not so who's the real loser here?"

Lando can only laugh his heart out when the chat gets flooded with identical comments: You.

"Okay, I admit. I'm down bad for my girlfriend and I'm proud of that."

Tomorrow's headlines are bound to be interesting...

Oscar Piastri

Although Oscar has seen you in musicals countless times, this situation feels a lot weirder and more uncomfortable. When he comes to watch your show, he's in the audience and you're on the stage. Now you're sitting side by side on the couch in your shared apartment, about to see your first movie. You're both the audience and the creator, which leaves you unsure how to act.

Unfortunately, your discomfort only grows. Oscar seems to be enjoying the movie but joy is not granted to you on this day. With each minute, you know your big part is coming. Oh God, what is he going to think?

Then, you suddenly pause the film. Oscar looks at you confused.

"There's something you need to know before you watch this scene and listen to the song," you say before he can ask you about your strange actions.

Oscar's frown only deepens. "You're making it sound really serious."

"Because it is. The thing is... " you hang your voice, unsure how to put words together. How do you tell someone this without making things awkward? "This is more embarrassing than I thought it would be but the song you're about to hear, I wrote it thinking about you."

He's trying to smile but the shadow of embarrassment on his face doesn't go unnoticed. You can only hope it's good kind of nervous.

The movie is resumed. As your discomfort is barely tolerable, you're looking away from the TV, fidgeting ever-so-slightly. Once or twice, you glance at Oscar, trying to see his reaction. The problem is, he's sitting unbelievably still. True, Oscar Piastri tends to be on the calmer side but right now it feels off. As if lost deep in thought, he appears to be diligently contemplating the scene in the movie; picking apart the words that came to your mind while thinking about him.

When the song comes to an end, you pause the film once more. A tense silence falls between you and Oscar, both longing to say something and yet neither willing to.

"So?" you begin hesitantly. "What do you think?"

Oscar shifts awkwardly. "Erm... I don't really know what to say."

A nervous giggle escapes your lips. "It's really sappy, I know." You try to downplay the situation, fearing that his reaction is born out of something negative. Does he think you're clingy? Obsessive? Too dramatic to handle?

"It's not that," he quickly denies. "Well, okay, it is kind of sappy but it's good sappy?" Oscar's tone raises slightly, revealing that he's unsure whether it's the right choice of words.

"Good sappy?" you repeat.

It feels as though woe has weaved a nest inside your viscera. "Good sappy" sounds like a lovely, diplomatic euphemism used not to hurt someone's feelings.

"Yeah, it's just..." Oscar doesn't finish his sentence. He runs his hand through his hair, then rubs the back of his neck nervously. Finally, he looks at you but not in a way you're familiar with. There's something ethereal in his gaze, a glint of inexplicable emotion that would escape a less observant eye. "It's really beautiful," he says. "The fact that you feel this way about me?" You could swear there are tears in his eyes as he lets out a flustered giggle. "I can die happy now."

Carlos Sainz

As old tradition entails, the Thursdays before a race weekend are meant for golfing. And who is Carlos Sainz to not give in to the custom?

He's sitting in his car, impatiently ploughing through the traffic of the city centre. Why are people out and about at this time, anyway? Shouldn't they be at work? Wanting to get his mind off of the fact that he's going to be quite late to the game, Carlos turns on the radio. The man is mindlessly skipping through the stations until something catches his attention - the announcer introduces you as today's guest.

"Hello again, pretty girl," Carlos says to himself. A small smile enters his face.

"First of all, I'd like to thank you," the radio host begins. "Unfinished Business is just the album I've been waiting for this year. And not only me! Have you seen Billboard 100 lately?"

Your flustered giggle is just as adorable as always. "Yesterday evening, I think?"

The broadcaster sighs dramatically. "Then you have ancient news. I have the site pulled up now and check it every few minutes. Let me tell you, Unfinished Business has climbed twenty spots since morning."

"Oh, shoot."

"Indeed." The announcer laughs and Carlos does with him. It's such a familiar theme for the driver - you being more humble than you really should be, surprised by the success you entirely deserve.

"Now, to address the elephant in the room or rather on the music charts. Over and Over Again is like a love letter all of us have written but never sent. Tell me all about it!"

"I guess 'love letter' is a pretty good description," you explain. Curious, Carlos turns up the volume. "For some time, I was trying to put my thoughts together and tell someone how I felt but never could quite do it. I can write good songs but in real life, I'm pretty terrible at speaking my mind and talking about feelings. I just don't want people to misunderstand, you know?"

"What are you saying, hermosa?" Carlos asks aloud, although there's no one to answer him.

"At least you can write a song about it! We regular folk are stuck with memes and playlists."

"Thank God, I can!" You laugh and, as embarrassing as it may sound, Carlos feels a sudden warmth spreading through his chest. "I was struggling with saying what I wanted to say to him, so at some point, I just decided I could put those words and feelings into a song. He likes to listen to the radio when he's driving so he might even be listening right now."

Although nothing bad or negative is going on, Carlos feels himself growing tense, nervous. There's no doubt the "he" you keep mentioning is him but what exactly is it you've been trying to tell him? Is there something he's missing?

"Did you tell him you've written a song about him?" the radio host asks.

"It might have slipped my mind," you answer coyly.

The announcer only laughs. "Oh dear, what a way to find out! Without further ado, let's hear your love letter to the mysterious man. I really hope he's listening to us right now. Don't you dare change the station, you lucky guy."

To his own surprise, Carlos recognizes the melody - you've been humming it for weeks now. But as you begin singing, the words leave him in disbelief. Do you really... mean all of that?

Carlos is lost in the song, feeling as though the lyrics aren't just lyrics but your genuine confession; a true love letter, as you have said yourself. He's brought back to reality only when the car behind him honks and Carlos is a hair's breadth away from picking a fight with the other driver. Nothing requires more haste or attention than his girlfriend exclaiming to the whole world that he will always be the one for her and that she will love him over and over again.

Charles Leclerc

You don't hear Charles coming in - you're too lost in your own thing to remember there's an entire world outside of the song and the piano in front of you. On the other hand, Charles doesn't announce his arrival as he doesn't want to disturb you. To be perfectly honest, he's a little too curious to interrupt you. It happens very rarely that you practise outside of the studio and so Charles doesn't really get to hear your more casual singing, not an embellished performance for the audience.

As quietly as he can, he makes his way towards you. Charles casually leans against the doorframe, your back turned to him as you continue playing the piano. He barely bites back the smile that creeps onto his face whenever you effortlessly sing the high notes - they are difficult for professionals and yet you execute them so cleanly, they appear almost too easy.

The lyrics haunt him but in a truly delicious way. A particular note of sincerity in your voice makes the words stick to him like rain does to a reckless passerby. Sure, they will slip away, although not before drenching him; their vital piece will forever lie with him.

When the song comes to an end, Charles (without thinking twice) gives you a hefty applause. The surprise makes you almost fall off the chair.

"Shit, you scared me!" you yell at him. It takes a couple deep breaths and your boyfriend's apologies, to collect yourself. "How much did you hear?"

He shrugs, suddenly realizing that he wasn't supposed to hear even one note of the song. "Pretty much all of it."

Your expression must not be joyful as Charles resumes his apologies and poor attempts at excuses. Suddenly, you cut him off. "How'd you like it?"

For a moment, he only hums and mindlessly knocks at the doorframe, looking for the right words.

"I loved it," he confesses. A strange tension in his voice proves he's telling the truth. "It's a beautiful song."

"Good," you answer absentmindedly. Quietly, you nod to yourself before looking back at Charles, a mischievous glint in your eyes. "It would really suck if you hated a song about yourself, you know?"

His eyes grow wide and Charles seems to forget about blinking for a good minute. Judging by the changes in his expression, you can tell the exact thought process he's experiencing: realizing you've written a song about him, joy caused by that, remembering the lyrics and finally taking them personally.

The more observant fans might notice a new addition to his helmet: "Claire de Lune" written in elegant lettering.

George Russell

Common sense might tell you that a race car driver must have no fear. And that would be correct, although quite imprecise. They must have no fear on track, yes, but daily life is quite different from racing, isn't it? Or maybe George is discovering a range of emotions he has not known before.

Your relationship is fresh but that isn't to say it's not serious. The weight of the connection the two of you share is a major part of the reason why George has been dead set on taking things slow. The other part is him knowing what media circus will play out once the news breaks. It's hard to blame him for wanting to keep at least some aspect of his life private, especially one that means so much to him.

As understanding as you are, George's apprehensiveness is tiring. You perfectly understand his reasoning and to some degree share the sentiment but at the same time, you are just somebody in love - you itch to scream it to the whole world. Or, at the very least, share a picture of the two of you. Both of you haven't been middle-schoolers for quite some time now, so why act like ones?

George, like the supportive boyfriend he is, loves to see you in your element. He watches the music videos, yet, but he much prefers the dance practice videos, where you're visibly enjoying each second of the choreography. Therefore, when you upload a new dance video for your song, he's probably the first person to play it.

It's a catchy tune that makes even the most boring people want to dance a little. With his head moving to the rhythm, George doesn't focus much on the lyrics until something in the second verse catches his attention:

So used to hiding We built our kingdom around The right timing

The lines, understandably, hit a little too close to home to be a pure coincidence. Now suspicious, George replays the video - this time, he's actually listening to the words instead of focusing on your dancing. Any hesitation that he's the true recipient of the song is gone with the first line of "Say you want me". The desperation in your voice is simply too candid to be just an act for the sake of the performance.

With the song loudly playing on a loop, George is scrolling through his phone's gallery in search of the best pictures of the two of you. He can't help but mouth the lyrics along with your singing, only to randomly giggle as the thought once again settles - it's about him.

Your phone can't stop vibrating. The notifications are coming nonstop. What on Earth happened? Upon opening Instagram, the mystery is solved. The internet seemed to be set on fire when George posted a series of pictures of the two of you with a caption that earned a giddy chuckle from you: "Setting us in motion".

Max Verstappen

Max and you both understand how much support can change. Sometimes just knowing that this other person is out there, watching and cheering, can change everything. As such, the two of you try to attend each other's events as much as you can. Unfortunately, the universe isn't always kind and you end up on the opposite ends of the world. The only support you can offer then is watching the live-streamed event - just like Max is doing right now.

He's sitting in his driver's room in Singapore, while you're at an award show in the USA. Quite the distance. There's something unbearably humbling about having to watch your performance like most of the world, when Max is, without a doubt, not most of the world.

In the back of his mind, Max is still thinking about the conversation he had with you earlier. Although he never misses your performances, you made it a point to tell him to watch this one. In your own words, he's supposed to look out for something fun, like a detail that will make this show different from the others. So as though he is a hawk, or more of a vulture, Max is hyperanalizing everything that's happening on the screen. He's not about to miss your little surprise.

The song begins and as much as he wants to enjoy watching you in your element, Max is a missile on a mission. Nothing specific seems to catch his eye but that t-shirt you're wearing...

Max knows it all too well. Theoretically, it's his t-shirt but considering you wear it more often than he does, it's practically yours. Now it's styled to fit the concept and image of your bandmates but the colour, the logo, the number, are all unmistakeable. Considering how much you're touching the article of clothing, compared to other dancers, he's convinced he's found what he was meant to look for.

Before he can wonder why you've chosen to wear his t-shirt for your performance, it's you who gives him the answer through the lyrics:

I feel like for the first time I am not faking Fingers on my buttons and now you're playing Master of anticipation, don't you keep it all to yourself

Max Verstappen doesn't get flustered but if he did, he'd be beyond flustered right now. The realization hits him like a derailed train - the song that everyone has been obsessed with through the summer and that has pretty obvious sexual lyrics is actually about him.

And if he did get flustered, the emotion would be rather short-lived, giving way to pride. After all, the core meaning of the song is that he's a generous lover, right? Clearly, he's been taking good care of his girlfriend.

Now, each sung line of "Just the touch of your love" makes Max all the more frustrated that the two of you are so far apart. He's earned his title of "Master of anticipation" and he intends to keep it.

[andy-wm]

"Who wouldn't want it when he looks like that?"

Yes, Olly Alexander knew exactly how JK felt

I've been absent, I know. Life. But look, one chirp ;) from the lovebirds and I'm back hehehe

With no preamble I'm going to sweep straight past the cute and charming interactions between Jimin & JK on Weverse - always together - and only glance at JK's song recommendations because right now I'm more interested in what came before.

This post by the fabulous @slaaverin, about JK and the song he posted 10 years ago - Memo by Years & Years - hit me so hard in the feels, I had to sit down. Even though I've mostly paid attention to their song recommendations (yes, I know I can do better) this one passed me by completely.

How could I not know that JK posted a song by Years & Years??!

And especially in 2015, when he was really going through it. He had feelings bigger than a house and nowhere to put them.

This for me is a key moment. Watch Gayo 4 and tell me JK wasn't dying of love.

He was - and still is - a boy with big feelings that he doesn't always have words for. His face and body language have told us that he's filled up to the brim but he seems to keep it inside unless he's made up his mind to say something.

Which of course makes the song recommendations in 2015 so significant. We know it wasn't only about the songs - it never is - it's all about how he's feeling at he time. And he picks out the lines so carefully, so precisely, so that they can speak for him.

And if you read the lyrics of all those songs from 2015 and focus on the lines he picked out, there's a clear message.

I'm pretty sure he wasn't looking at Eels cover of Elvis's Can't Help Falling In Love for musical inspiration. And picking out I'll give you my everything - a cheesy love song from the '70s - so he could say I have something to tell you? Neatly in between the 2015 Osaka fan-meet and the notorious RBT concert in Hong Kong?

Smooth...

Very smooth, JK

He was in love. He was in lust. He was probably confused and afraid of the consequences, but he couldn't let it go. I know this has been thoroughly dissected so I won't go down that path.

What I am stuck on here, is Years & Years.

Where some of the lines he posted could be the result of searching for songs with particular words in the lyrics, like I have something to tell you, Memo doesn't hit the same way.

I want more (x4) isn't romantic or emotive like some song lines he chose and also it doesn't convey a specific message like others. Without hearing the rest of the song it feels a little brash but in the context of the rest of the lyrics, and with the gentle melody, it's honestly very soft.

He must have listened to a lot of Years & Years because Memo is a beautiful song but it isn't one of their hits. It vanished into obscurity pretty quickly.

Memo wasn't just an LGBT+ song. Years and Years was a very brazenly LGBT+ group.

Olly is a huge icon.

Gay, out, and unapologetic, Olly was singing pop songs about genuine personal feelings and experiences. The songs explored all the nuanced feelings of lust, yearning, hurt, and uncertainty that come with falling in love. They have authenticity. They're the same type of songs Troye was singing in 2016 but a little more... adult. A little further along the track towards resolution. Olly was living the life of a young gay man and his songs reflect that. The content is pretty direct.

Years & Years weren't huge like The Pet Shop Boys, Depeche Mode, or The Communards, but they were successful and popular especially amongst the lgbt+ community. They did get radio play in the UK too. Outside of that I think the group was relatively niche.

And yet, JK found them.

That he found them, says to me the he was searching for something. Searching for ways to make sense of his feelings in an environment that would be stifling for a young queer boy who was in love with his best friend.

The songs might not have been #1 on Billboard, but what they WERE was authentic and unambiguous.

Maybe I'm making too much of it but it makes me wonder where he would have been without a group like Years and Years.

If he hadn't heard those words in those songs, and felt the connection with the feelings expressed, would he have had certainty that what he felt was honest and real?

If he hadn't listened to someone else articulate emotions he could relate to, would he have had the words to describe his feelings when he finally confessed?

If Years & Years, and particularly Olly Alexander, hadn't been as successful as they were in 2015, would he have had the determination to face up to the company?

Who knows... maybe none of it really mattered and it was just a line from a song that he liked. But knowing - as ARMY - how much music can change your perception and your life, I don't think that's true. I think it meant something.

I'm so glad he found them.

💗💜💗

In case you've never seen him in action, here's Olly with the other members of Y&Y in concert at YES24 Hall in October 2022. He's wearing a yellow body stocking and thigh boots. Absolutely stunning performers.

[syrma-sensei]

→ Somewhere In Your Heart, Ch.2: A New Window

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Fem!reader.

Rating: Explicit.

Setting: Pre-canon; in the early 1980s.

word count: 2.6k.

Warnings/Tags: Abusive relationship, angst, self-care, Ben's potty mouth, dick talk (It's Ben, what do you expect?), implied non/dub-con, power imbalance, misogyny, implied prostitution...

Summary: Soldier Boy lives through the ennui of his peak, but everything is about to change when he has a shift in his heart.

When your manager told you you were to sing side by side with Soldier Boy, you didn't believe him. Despite the fact Jack has a strong proclivity to humour — depraved humour at that, you know he seldom jests about business. Jack has a strict code when it comes to you. His precious little asset. So, when he says you are to sing with America's greatest hero, then you are.

“S-Soldier Boy?” Your voice is but a squeaky hush. You still find it intimidating, albeit quite ironic to say the least.

In spite of your stupor, you curb a scoff and suffice to have a private laugh between you and yourself. You never thought the Soldier Boy would be easy.

Jack smirks, his foxy eyes glimmering, “I had a call with the Legend early this morning, he said Soldier Boy had made a specific request for a collaboration with you. He wants you to stand by his side for his next cover song.”

As you come off it, you realise it really shouldn't have been a surprise to you. The man literally eye-fucked you last night with his rather captivating green eyes. You could perceive the primal desire that seared within them when he spoke and flirted with you. You're used to this kind of reaction from men, of course. You weren't in the entertainment industry for that long, but you've always fancied yourself a quick learner; and Jack made sure you learn faster. The real surprise to you is that Soldier Boy is being subtle about it. You gotta hand it to him, you're rather impressed.

“You seem to have made quite the impression on Soldier Boy last night, sweetheart.” Jack remarks, and you smile slightly, “Thanks to me, of course, I think I taught you well…”

Your smile falters a bit, because you know he's not saying that out of the sheer notion of teasing you. No, of course not, he can't but give himself the credits, he made you after all. You can't deny the fact; he salvaged you from the cruelty of being in the streets years ago, and made you what you've become today. A promising diva with a magnificent ore.

“What should I ever be without you?” You humour him with a smile, as he's always taught you. Do not contradict a man, especially one with power.

“The pole-smoke you had been before I plucked you from the streets.” His smirk widens, and the sly gaze Jack is giving her doesn't settle well in her.

Jack stands up from his seat and saunters down to you. His thumb strokes your lower lip, the unctuous gentleness makes your stomach roil.

“Listen to me, my pretty slut,” He tugs a strand of hair out of your face behind your ear, the maliciousness in his voice is well-coated with perfected inveiglement. His thumb is back to your lower lip, “You will go to Vought, do your supposed rehearsals, and indulge every whim Soldier Boy wants from you… even if he wants to muffle his cuban cigars in your pretty tits” He yanks her jaws up to make you look at him in the eyes, ignoring your small whimper, “Because you and I are both aware that he isn't only after that pretty voice of yours. Don’t you dare fuck this up, understood?”

You swallow the large bile in the back of your throat. Jack smiles at the vehemence of your nod. “Y-Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” He loosens his grip slightly. “Think of the offers you'll be lavished with after you sing next to Soldier Boy. You'll be one hell of a star, my star. Your pictures will be all over the country, and fuck, who knows, maybe you'd have a chance in L.A. too.”

Your mind floods with snaps of what your future might be. It wanders away, on a red carpet, where your heeled feet would treat with a swagger. Surrounded by camera flashes and ardent fans, just wanting you to look in their direction. And maybe, just maybe, Jack wouldn't be up on your ass anymore.

You shake your head back into the present. “What’s the song gonna be any way?” You ask Jack.

“Who fucking cares?” The latter shrugs, glancing at his wristwatch, “How about you find out yourself? Legend said Vought would send a private car to get you today.”

“So soon?” Your shoulders slump a bit.

“Is that hesitation I'm hearing?” He glares.

“N-No,” You gulp, “I’m just… it's happening a little too fast, don't you think?” Her lips curl in a dither smile.

Jack's frown deepens, “Aren’t you eager to make history?” He snickers, “Of course, a lowly whore like you isn't accustomed to the high steps of the ladder; you've always belonged at the bottom of it. What was I thinking.”

Tears start to burn in your eyes. You wonder why he's always so cruel to you? You always did what he wanted to please him. Before you started to perform at private parties and festivities, Jack used to drag you from an awful club to an even worse club, and exploited your voice and your other talents to fill up his pockets, under the excuse of enlarging and extending your audience; a good entertainer would perform for all of kind of people, he claimed. Promising that you'd make it up the ladder before you even knew it if you kept plugging. But now, and when you're at the threshold of achieving what he's always drilling into you, he is nothing but disparaging.

“No.” Your voice surprises you as it comes out with a defying tone.

“What’d you say?” Jack raises a brow.

“I said no, I don't belong to the bottom of the ladder.”

You expected the backhand slap, but you didn't expect it to make your mouth bleed.

“You’re my slut, my whore, I made you. Don't you dare concur yourself with me.” He seethes.

You grimace at the taste of iron as you swallow your blood silently, tears streaming down your cheeks.

Jack seems to rouse from his fit as his head tilts to the side. “Oh, no no, what’d I do?” He pulls his silky, cerulean handkerchief from his breast pocket and dabs it gently on the corner of your mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He murmurs, and you give him a weak, sanguine smile. When he's done, he tells you, “Do cover it up with some makeup; we don't want Soldier Boy to see your pretty face worked up, do we?” He grins, but it's empty of any sliver of sympathy. “Now, shake a leg, would you? Legend said Soldier Boy wanted to see you by noon. We don't want to give them the impression that we're a bunch of slackers, do we?”

You nod meekly.

Ben groans in pleasure, his body shivering in a long lost voraciousness. He wonders if the curl of your lips when you smiled at him and the enchanting glance of your eyes have something to do with that as his load washes abundantly on his hand. He's so engrossed in his high that he doesn't detect the knocks on his door.

“Oh, for fuck's sake!” Legend grouses, his head whipping away the moment he steps into Soldier Boy's bedroom.

The latter only smirks, deft hands tugging his softening cock back in his pants. “What’s the matter? Can't look at what you don't possess?” He drawls smugly, his voice saturated with a satisfied rasp from his recent ecstasy.

“I fucking knocked! Good thing I'm not an enemy.” Legend rolls his eyes behind his shades, “Who woulda thought Soldier Boy could be shanked when he whacked off.” Legend sneers, savouring in having this sleazy clapback at the supe.

Soldier Boy's smik widens, zipping his gear pants, “You’re just saying that because my dick is twice as yours.”

Legend appears to be quite unfazed, “Well, yeah, but I never had a woman who refused an ass-fuck because of it.” He sighs, “Anyway, Ms. (L/N), is here.”

“Fucking finally…” Ben perks up, a huge smile on his face. But the Legend's slight frown makes his eyes roll. “What is it?” It's not like he wants the latter’s approval, but Legend has proven his viewpoints can be useful when it comes to Soldier Boy's career.

“Look, I know the gal has the voice and the looks.” Legend says, “But don't you think she's way… below you?” Ben raises a brow as Legend continues, “There are many better options, just saying…” 

Ben clicks his tongue, his temper is starting to fume, “She’s a fucking blast. She has the fucking talent. Isn't it your job to look out for talents?”

“Yeah, but—”

“It’s her or nothin’.” Soldier Boy asserts, and when he reads hesitance on Legend's face, he adds, “You can still have Noir do it if you want to.” He shrugs, "But here you are, you handed it to me, because you know that I get how the job's done, and nobody can pull it off like me.”

“Fine!” Legend acquiesces, it's not like he has much of a choice. “I hope you're fucking right about her.” And you're not only thinking with your dick.

“Atta boy!” Soldier Boy pats his shoulder, “Now we don't want to keep the next diva waiting, do we?”

Your heart is pounding in your chest despite how hard you're trying to maintain your cocksure exterior.

Don't you fuck this up.

Jack's words trill in your head again and again. You close your eyes and huffs an elongated breath through your nostrils. He didn't come with you, but his agonising words never leave you, and the skeptical looks shot in your direction from Vought employees passing by don't make it any better.

What am I doing here?

You question yourself again.

To make history.

Jack's words ring again in your ears.

Although you're too immersed in your thoughts, you notice the blur of green and eagle of a man sauntering down in your way with a couple of men at the either of his side.

Your mask involuntarily slips on your face as your lips concoct a conceited grin that mirrors the cocky smirk on Soldier Boy's face. You stand up to say hello.

“We meet again, honey bun.”

“Pleasure to meet you again, sir.”

Your mustered aplomb starts to waver at the mere sight of him in that green suit; it makes you hold your breath. Soldier Boy himself is standing in front of you in his green glory with his gloved hand extended to you. He looks so different from the man you met yesterday. Maybe because of his supe suit. However, you're glad he isn't wearing the helmet, his revealed face brought some familiarity to the man you met before.

He leans in to press a kiss on your knuckles as you take his offered hand to shake.

“The pleasure is all mine, (Y/N).”

You resist the heat travelling up to your ears. “Thank you, sir.”

“Please, call me Ben.” He says in a somewhat ordering tone and you nod.

Soldier Boy introduces you to Legend and you shake the latter's hand too. The three of you make it to a nearby room to discuss business.

“I’d like to thank Soldier — Ben for giving me such an opportunity to perform by his side. I'm honoured, sir.” You start. “I’m gonna make sure it's worth your while.”

“You’ll sure do, dollface, you'll sure do.” He pours you and himself a glass of liquor, letting Legend pour his own glass which makes you raise a brow. It's still midday. You politely turn down the glass.

You and I are both aware that he isn't only after that pretty voice of yours. 

Jack's words ring in your ear. You can clearly picture his smirking face staring at you.

“I was at the wedding last night, y'know,” Legend lights up a cigar as he drawls, “And let me tell ya that recognising a talent when I see or hear it is what pays my bills.” He takes a drag and puffs it out of his nostrils.

You thank him before he asks you about your career, making it feel like it's a job interview or something of the sort. You tell him the story you tell everybody. That you've always had a knack for singing ever since you were a child. And you used to sing at school, then you continued your passion and sang in bars and clubs until Jack beheld one of your performances and took you under his wing ever since. Which it's true, sort of.

“Jack is a good teach, he taught me everything I know to entertain my audience.” Your eyes flit momentarily at Soldier Boy whose eyes never leave you, then you grin back at Legend, “Making him a lot much like you sir. He flushes out the talent when he sees it.”

Legend grins back, taking another waft of his cigar, “Has he ever had you perform for another media before?”

You shake your head, “No, sir, my audience is still limited.”

“Ah, perfect, what could be better than a talented new face,” Legend says, “Well, I think we're all in for a treat, sweetheart. Vought would be happy to introduce you to the public. A pretty new face with a beautiful voice, singing for the first time and next to Soldier Boy. I think that would give you a great privilege if you tipped your cards right…”

“And it can be more than a one-time thing…” Soldier Boy adds, a satisfied grin on his face, but you didn't miss the way Legend's lips twitch.

“Are you trying to employ me, sir?” You raise an eyebrow.

“We’re offering you a chance of a lifetime.” Legend takes another drag, which seems rather an elongated sigh than a normal puff, “Our entertainment business is always happy to make and nurture gifted new faces.”

You stay silent for a moment. This is big. Unbelievably big. You're literally being offered a job at Vought. It's something you wouldn't even dare dreaming about. Jack didn't tell you anything about this.

Don't you fuck it up. 

Jack's voice reverberates in the back of your head again.

“But I'm not a supe, sir, how come I'd be useful for the company?” You ask. “And what about Jack?”

You could've sworn you saw the slightest irritation in Soldier Boy's eyes.

“Do you see me with one, sweetheart?” Legend lets out an amused snore, “Yet, here I am.” He splays his arms open in showboat manner. “As for Jack, he'll still be your manager under our terms, of course, as agreed accordingly.”

Your eyebrows furrow. As agreed accordingly? Of course, you scoff internally. He's already sold you out to Vought the moment he sniffed the smell of cash. Well, you can't argue with that really; you owe the man your life. You're his, like her always tells you.

Despite everything being played out of your control, you still insist on having a say in this, or at least to seem so.

“Good,” You smile cordially, “Because I'd have humbly declined your offer hadn't Jack been kept in the picture.”

“Ever did any of blues shit before, dollface?”

You can detect the drastic change in Soldier Boy's tone.

“No, not as of yet.”

“Well, good thing you have someone's been long enough in the trade to teach you some of the ol’ tricks, darlin'.” His teeth bare in a shark like smile that doesn't set well in you.

Your heart paces up as adrenaline rushes through your veins, choosing to accept the challenge, “I’m down for it, Ben.”

🦅 Previous Chapter: Tenderly.

🦅 Next Chapter: Mirrors.

🦅 Somewhere In Your Heart Masterlist.

🦅 Soldier Boy Masterlist.

Taglist: @thebiggerbear, @zepskies, @deanbrainrotwritings, @deansbbyx, @deans-spinster-witch

@venus-haze, @kaleldobrev, @k-slla, @ketchupjasmin, @demodemo909

@mystic-mara, @donniedarkolover, @pepsicolacoochie...

[ckret2]

i’m admittedly obsessed with music/have music as a special interest so this question has been on my mind for quite some time now - if Bill (from your goldilocks fanfic) were to listen to any music, or have any particular music taste, what would it be? Any particular songs in mind that he likes? ( <—totally not looking for more/new songs to listen to hahahahaha…sweats)

half of me thinks he’d like 40s/50’s/60’s music (thanks to the vera lynn reference in the fic, but also bc he sings it in-show), but the other half of me wants him to like musicals (heathers, in particular) - i can’t explain why lol

alternatively, if you’ve answered smth like this already, i’d love to know what songs you enjoy/listen to!

Have a post about his tastes and a hideous-sounding playlist! And it even held up in the face of TBOB.

The only difference in my headcanons is that I said the peak of his his tastes centers on the 60s and I subsequently found an interview where Alex confirms Bill's tastes do indeed range from about 40s~60s; but I just got out of another fandom where everyone headcanoned a character is into 40s music ranging into the 50s and I'm pretty burnt out on The Most Popular 40s Jazz That Everybody And Their Grandma Knows so I still personally prefer to focus on the 60s for him lmao.

In fic he makes a reference to a band called Mysterious Mo's Average Joes; I imagine them as an in universe equivalent to Question Mark & the Mysterians, except more obscure.

Specific to my headcanoned music tastes of Bill from my fic rather than just Bill in general: coming in his tastes are all the same, but hanging around Mabel has given him an expanded palate for boy band music and kids music, although on the boy band front he prefers dance-y songs over ballad-y songs and on the kids music front he has to steer through a minefield of cheaply-produced 80s cartoons that use synthesized music to save cost on an orchestra.

So far, nothing else has happened to change his tastes.

Although eventually Robbie's introducing him to emo.

I listen to too much music for the question "what songs do you listen to," it's like asking "what words do you use" lmao, lemme look at my recent activity. Lately I've been getting into She Hates Emotion and the new albums by Zeal & Ardor and Fleshgod Apocalypse; I've been slacking in my metal education on learning the difference between black metal and death metal (I usually focus on symphonic metal & neighboring genres) so I'm looping back to the basics to learn more there; big fan of Saltatio Mortis's new album; I've been listening to the deeper cuts & newer material of mainstream early 00s alt rock & nu metal bands (Shinedown, Stone Sour, Staind) to see what I've been missing out on beyond their radio hits; and in general the past few months I've been trawling through playlists of classic 80s goth, dark wave, synth pop, & aggrotech to expand my library there. Very excited for the new Linkin Park lineup, love their new vocalist so far and it's heartening to see them releasing new material. Not so excited by the new Nightwish album, it has the nightwish sound but not the spark. This isn't even an accurate representation of my full musical tastes, I've just been really into metal recently. Current favorite bands of the last few years are Alt-J and Ghost. I listed some of my favorite albums on this post. It's too bad you can't just link your Spotify liked songs without sticking them all in a separate playlist—oh hold on I have a songs I can sing playlist, it's perpetually incomplete on top of being 3-4 years out of date but it's a starting point.

[toomanythoughts2]

Toki and Murderface RoadTrip Old Fic Idea

I'm the author of the Skwistok Honeymoon Groupchat Fic, and this was another idea that was also going to be a Groupchat fic but it never happened because I was too indecisive about things. So have the ramblings of the possibilities of it all.

Anyway, this was a "Murderface and Toki Roadtrip" fic idea in a groupchat style. It would be after AOTD and after an album was released, and it would have been their own "Friender Bender". Now, I was never able to decide if this was Murdertooth, Polyklok + Murdertooth-Centric, or Established Skwistok with Secret Relationship Dickface. I was leaning toward the last one because then the fic had a plot, specifically one where Toki ends up becoming Murderface's confidant about his queerness and his relationship, and helping him come to terms that coming out to the band won't ostracize him, that he is worthy of love, he is worthy of being proudly in love, and that times aren't what they were when he was a child.

There were random bits that would have fleshed out characters and random scenes that would have been a laugh.

For instance, Murderface and Toki would have drastically different music genres to listen to.

Murderface is the driver while Toki is the passenger princess. Murderface flips between his black metal (which Toki also enjoys), Bachata (Spanish Singing Murderface is canon to me. He just can't speak it. Toki is shook.), opera (He went to that god damn opera by himself for a reason, he's gotta like it.), thrasher, generalized American Boy roadtrip music like Lynard Skynard, Areosmith, and Eagles to name a few (Toki knows these songs but listening to them within the American context of going on a roadtrip does something to his soul.), and The Divas™️ which are classic female artists like Whitney Houston, Cher, and Madonna (Toki is well versed in The Divas™️)

I think Toki would bring out a lot of EDM, Top 40 POP, indie bands with like 100 listeners on Spotify, Actual Norwegian Black Metal, Disney (They both know all the words. Nathan helped him make the playlist), ABBA (It's him and Skwisgaar's guilty pleasure band), and other animated/cartoony music made that's either instrumental or vocal (Think like Hex Girl's "I'm a Hex Girl" from Scooby Doo.)

Obviously, they both have a long list of other type of Metal-centric music that they switch between like Grindcore, Nu Metal, Doom Metal, Power Metal, and lot of lesser known and very niche genres.

Another scene would be Murderface and Toki making a pit stop to Pickles house while on the trip but they don't let Pickles know.

And they don't let Pickles' parents know. They basically sneak into Pickle's parents house while they're gone and steal Calvert's most prized possession, which is a signed football from his favorite player. He won it by using up Pickles' college savings before Pickles' decided he wasn't going to go to college. They steal the football, take pictures of them with the ball, take pictures of them pissing on Molly's garden and then ripping up the flowers, then a last picture of them destroying the football. They then send it all in the groupchat, tagging Pickles like, "Hey, we stopped by your parents place. Hope they don't mind. <3" and Pickles is crying because he's never felt more seen. (Alternatively, Toki and Murderface would have sent the football to Pickles and told him to watch out for a package from them with it in there, perfectly pristine. Then Pickles would have been the one to destroy the ball and send pictures to the group chat.)

There would have been scenes where they're in motel rooms and Murderface is outside filming Toki talking on the phone to Skwisgaar, where he's dubbing over their conversation.

Such as, "(Bad Norwegian Accent) Oh Skwisgaar, it ams beens a wholes 30 minutes of nots speakings to yous. I feels likes I'ms goings to dies. My weaks guitar playings hands can't keeps up the phones withouts yous!" then he would mock Skwisgaar like, "(Bad Swedish accent) I am feelings the sames ways, my littles dildo guitar player. Every seconds you ams away froms me, I dies on the insides. I may pass away withouts yous.” And then he posts the video to the group chat, which Toki chases him around with a bat for because those were private phone calls. (Murderface wasn’t too far off and he’s embarrassed.)

But, if we go down the secret relationship route, the ending of the fic would have been Toki filming Murderface outside of the motel room while Murderface was on the phone with Knubbler, doing the exact same thing. Except, while Toki and Skwisgaar were defensive in the group chat anytime Murderface recorded any of his dubbed phone calls of them, Murderface would confirm that, yes, that’s exactly what he was doing and yes, it was Knubbler. Which would end in them teasing him about it for a bit BUT it would end with a congratulations and good vibes.

There would have been a lot of running gags too.

There would be a running gag of them pissing off different things in the area like the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, and the Hollywood sign. There would also be a gag of them going to all different kinds of tourist traps like the World Largest Paint Ball or Real Life Alien Exhibit (Mystery Shack perhaps?) and them fully believing it/having the best fun. Like, Toki adds a layer to the paint ball and just about cries while Murderface is on the phone with Charles looking at the “alien” and demanding answers on why they couldn’t get aliens. They would also try and sneak into Area 51 but they would be kicked out quickly.

They would also do a lot of touristy things like scenic routes through the mountains or drive in theaters in the Midwest or go to New Orleans for Bourbon St or see the Giant Sequoias in California. There would be a large portion of fluff of them just hanging out together and being friends and doing stuff. Toki would have so many pictures of cats while Murderface, surprisingly, had a lot of pictures of them together. (He’s a changed man after AOTD, he does not want to take for granted his freedom, Toki, and his friendship/relationship with Toki.)

Now, there was also another instance in this fic where they could have made a pit stop at Murderface’s grandma’s house.

This gave me a lot of ideas of what it would look like. I’m partial to my dingey and depleting two story southern home that has not been taking cared of due to poverty and old age while in the middle of acres of woods where the nearest neighbor is 2 miles away.

Now, I am also very partial to ranch Murderface, where they own farm animals such as pigs, chickens, goats, and maybe a cow and a horse. This would have been a somber scene, where Toki is introduced to Murderface’s homelife, along with getting a better understanding of Murderface’s trauma with family. There would have been a moment where Murderface shared pictures or sentimental objects of his mothers with Toki (and the group chat). It also would have tied in some of Murderface’s Appalachian beliefs such as glass bottles on trees and “never go into the woods at night if you hear a woman. That’s not a woman. That’s a skinwalker.” (Murderface fully believes in skinwalkers. He’s a 2am AM Radio listener of conspiracy theories. Is there an active skinwalker in Murderface’s childhood homes area? Possibly. Toki is too scared to get out of bed at night to check.)

There would have also been an attempted hit on their lives as well.

I did dabble in the idea of Toki and Murderface being targeted and hurt while on the trip and having to go to the hospital. It would have been something like this.

Murderface hops off the highway and decides he wants to take a scenic route on the trip. While on this route, he pops a tire somehow. He pulls over to attempt to see how bad it is and if he can just pop on a spare till they can get to an automotive place. Well, someone passes him and pulls over. Thinking they’re coming to help, Murderface greets them, only to then be shot at. Toki, who is still in the car, freaks out and while attempting to get out and help Murderface, Toki gets strangled from an unknown assailant from behind. Fighting happens, Toki knocks out the person behind him and Murderface runs back to the car. However, he gets shot (Don’t worry, he lives) but Toki, who stole the other assailants gun from his belt, shoots at the other guy and hits him in the chest.

Well, Murderface gets back in the car and he has to basically race to the hospital with one popped tire and a bullet wound. Toki has a nasty gash around his neck that’s bruising. Toki is sending a SOS message while Murderface drives. Some of it altered between Toki having to take the wheel while Murderface pumped the pedals to Toki having to take over completely by pushing Murderface’s chair all the way back and climbing in in front of him to take over.

They get the hospital in time, they are treated, and the guys + Charles have the two people plus that area searched. Here would have been the conversation of “Should we come get you to go home?” and Murderface would have said, “Fuck no.”

Basically, it would have been one big self indulgent fic of Murderface and Toki having fun while road tripping around the US and getting into trouble.

[fraudulent-cheese]

Gonna be a little silly and say 1, 5, 20, and 23 for Eva, Zoey, Beardo, and Damien ?

/HenkePenke

OH BOY I ASKED FOR ASKS AND I GOT SERVED. I'll go in the order you gave me :p

Eva:

1. Why do you like this character?

There's a couple reasons why i like her, despite her little screentime, and one of them is her hot temper, actually.

To me she only truly gets pissed off in two or three episodes, and they're usually triggered by understandable things; loosing her MP3 player during TDI, and struggling with the interviews during TDWT. Which. I can relate to both, i fucking hate it when i missplace stuff but headphones are especially annoying, and i get frustrated suuper easily when trying out new things. i like angry girls <3

I think the tidbit in her bio about wanting to be a leader, and working on her temper are also interesting and i wish those went anywhere since we don't get a character in a team leadership role that isn't either bossy or a coniving bastard until Sky in TDPI.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

So! Im gonna struggle with this question! Because unless i've directly thought about it before im gonna have like 0 answers lmao

For Eva, the main problem is moreso that the first song that comes to mind is not one for her specifically but one i associate with a heatheva fic i was trying to write - one that matched the vibe of songs i think she'd compose herself. And it was also just a song i was listening to at the time. Sooo Imħabbti by Ghoolie it is!

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

I can't pick between Izzy and Noah lmao, can't seperate team escope even if i wanted to! Eva's one of the few characters in this cast that can regularly match Izzy's sheer manic energy, and she'd bounce off Noah very well (in my head) and in general i think these two are a good fit with Eva; they all come accross as people that don't have many friends and would treasure the ones they have, even if they're not the most obvious about it. I think it's sweet, and kinda sucks that when people only draw two of team escope Eva's usually the one missing :<

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Honestly, anytime she has a little pout or suprised eyes. or smiles. she so cutie pattotie

Zoey:

1. Why do you like this character?

I'll admit, my favorite parts about her are more conceptual than her in canon? I like that she's kind of an indie girl, since we don't have another girl character that's like her in that way. I also think her judgemental streak and people pleasing tendencies are interesting but i wish they were more clearly displayed in canon. that or im misremembering lol

I also like her haircut! I like how the red dyed hair makes her both stand out next to the other girls, but also means you can't call her red haired without implying she's ginger (and she isn't). Also the pigtails are cute and i like messing around with them in drawings!

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

I've said before that she'd listen to Panchiko (and also The Scary Jokes but i haven't assigned her a specific song) sooo yeah

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

Oh that's a good question as well since she's already in a canon trio (friendship finale, aka her, Cameron and Mike), and i think both of them are perfectly good choices, since on one hand you have the pretending to be normal duo and on the other you have the super sheltered kid and the one that goes outside, and they can all learn stuff from eachother and in general i find it sweet!

But also i'd be kidding myself if i didn't also think Sierra was a good option? they're both nerdy, weird girls that like Total Drama! They have a bunch of shit in common! I can't pick between these three im sorryyy

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Her render in the Toxic Targets flash game. She looks so sad girl what happeneddd

Beardo:

1. Why do you like this character?

Both his Cake Entertainment Flyer label and his canon one are interesting to me. Despite how he spent most of his time on screen making sound effects, he seems to be one of the more down to earth characters in the TDPI cast, and while i do like that cast alot i can't deny that it really needed more down to earth characters that aren't just Jasmine (outside of her apparent trust issues) and Sky (who's generally more introverted than anything else)

Also? Characters that like music get points from me by default.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

In general i think Beardo makes his own songs, including keeping around a ton of sounds to use as samples; in general he'd like House and genres similar to them, and considering the equipment seen in his audition tape i think he'd act as DJ for like. parties or some shit. and i think this song right here would be featured in the tracklists quite often vv

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

Ella. I do not CARE that they don't interact a single time, they're the two song enjoyers of their generation they would get along SO WELL they would try to form a band with Beardo on the instrumentals and Ella on the vocals and use samples from Disney or Fairytale movies and it would be so awesome because they'd both be out of their comfort zones since Ella would be exposed and participate in the creation of music in genres she wouldn't have seeked out on her own otherwise and Beardo would have to write lyrics which he wouldn't have to otherwise!!!

23. Favorite picture of this character?

He barely has any appereances in canon so i kinda have to pick the beta design. Boy why are you so devious

Damien:

1. Why do you like this character?

One of the few good things the second season of the reboot did was make me actually care for and like Damien, since he took charge and gained confidence in himself and his abilities! I like the progression from him having the normal person reaction to everything total drama (being freaked out by a ton of shit happening), him slowly adjusting up until he decides he wants to stay before his elimination during Season 1, and then coming back to prove himself during Season 2!

In general he's pretty charming and just. He's a nice dude! i like having him be around! It's nice!

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Either Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon or Registry by COMPUTER DATA. In general his music tastes would be varied, he'd bounce from rock to indie to lofi house to some fourth thing. I picked these two out since the latter uses samples from Mario games and he'd 100% appreciate that, and the former because. I just think he'd be a Lemon Demon fan.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? (the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter)

That would've been a hard question if canon didn't serve an answer on a silver plator to me thanks to reboot Season 2 again, because it's Nichelle!!! It's Nichelle and it's an easy answer. The contrast between Damien being some guy and Nichelle being a big famous Hollywood actress is very fun, and i don't think Nichelle has actual friends outside of that? So Damien being her actual first friend is great :D

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Hehe sheep!

[blushblushbear]

Hey I don't know if you still do phone flings, or if you only do specific ones, but if you do, can you please do basil hcs. I'm sorry i just weirdly love him.

Ah shit, here we go again *cracks knuckles*

TO THE WIKI!

also side note my thoughts while heading to the wiki are 'oh boy, can't wait for Sherlock Holmes to send me a dick pic' lol

(dude side note, I'm fucking BAFFLED how the wiki's only trivia note is that his name comes from Basil of Baker street. Literally no other mentions of the countless other sherlock references! There's book, RDJ movies and the BBC series refs in here WHAT GIVES WIKI TRIVIA!)

So obvs he has a sweet tooth, that's just canon

Also he can get a little bit kinky (that's also canon)

he's decently well read but in a way of like--- like he remembers characters and plot points but he wouldn't have that many in depth opinions on the happenings in those books (like Poe would)

though he WOULD have a decent knowledge of the basic take aways most people know of said books (example: Holden asking the cab driver what happens to the ducks in the park when the pond freezes over in Catcher in the Rye is just him, as a teen, asking an adult 'what will happen to me in winter aka in the winter of life aka Adulthood cause that book is very scared of adulthood)

(He'd also know that the pond in central park doesn't freeze over lol)

Loves loves LOVES to leave you riddles and clues and scavenger hunts as a way of flirting

it'd be hard to have a domestic life with him cause he'd constantly be in and out and disappearing in the middle of the night

also dying at random for a full 10 years and then OOPS he's actually alive lol

but if you don't mind that shit then he's the perfect guy for you

has no friends, Winston is his only friend and he annoys him to no end

Seems charming to you cause he's actively being charming when around you

in his natural habitat though he can be VERY scatter brained and a bit rude

not cause he's trying to be a dick he just gets going and steam rolls things and people

that's another thing, he sometimes jumps from idea to idea without verbally connecting the dots and then is confused when people aren't following his mad chain of logic

side note if you can follow his chain of logic, or are clever enough to keep up with him, he's putty in your hands IMMEDIATELY

he's actually some what easy to seduce

not that that takes away from him falling for you

he's easy to SEDUCE, falling in love is a hell of a different thing all together

if he's in one of his thinking holes, where he just sits there and PONDERS paying the rest of the world no mind, bring him some tea, sit it next to him and watch him instinctively drink it, it's the funniest shit

thinks about you a lot when he's playing his violin

that or mysterious

but the music get so romantic so fast so--- yeah mostly you

knows lots of random cures for things

like pickle juice for hang overs and that kinda crap

may forget to eat himself but always remembers whether or not YOU'VE eaten

he actually notices and remembers things with or about you much more than anything else

which is saying something cause he's perceptive as fuck and has a mind like a steal trap

tends to look at things logically, so he can sometimes be not the best company when it comes to things like enjoying art or media

but that's where you come in and his listening skills turn on cause he ADORES seeing the world through your eyes

you're so much more lively and vivacious than he's ever seen in a person

also certain things start to click for him, like songs and poems

he gets them now

he gets them cause when he hears them, he just thinks of you

[obae-me]

Ooh! for the blurbs I wanna request Lucifer with hurt/comfort! What can I say bittersweet angst is my kryptonite >.< I hope you get over your writers block soon <3

You know I'm always capable of writing for my boy. And with hurt/comfort? I know exactly what to do for this!

And thank you! Writers block for me is like a chronic plague. I'll get over it, I always do. Thank you <3

---

TW: Blood, burning. It's all in a nightmare, but still beware.

---

Burning.

It always starts with the burning. Then it's followed by his brothers screams. He always tries to call out, but he gets suffocated by blood and ash. It's a nightmare. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows this. But he can't wake up. Can't stop his mind from panicking as he feels his heart beat out of his chest as he spirals through the sky like a raging inferno. The ground approaches. He hits it, sending dirt flying through the air as his body scores a trench into the earth. That didn't wake him up this time? He feels them, the phantom pains. Arms, wings, everything awash in a firey pain. Then, the sound of his brother's bodies striking solid ground all around him. Wait. This wasn't the same. That...sound... Lucifer's fingernails clawed through the ground as he dragged his nearly useless body over to where someone lay.

Wait, no, stop! This was---

He awoke suddenly, sweat dripping down his face. No, wait... he was... With a shaking hand, he rubbed the tears away from his eyes, getting out of bed. His limbs still felt the tingling after-effects of the dream. Lungs tight with panic, he stumbled over to his record player, his fingernails gripping the furniture as he steadied his disoriented mind. Music, something to calm him down. Without really paying much mind to the specific record, he threw a vinyl onto the player, heading back to his couch to sit down and listen to the song play.

He hadn't had a dream like that in a while... and no matter how much he tries to heal, to move on, the nightmares are always there to drag him back.

"Luci?"

His head lifted up, realizing he had been dangerously close to falling asleep again on the couch. He spies MC waving their hand through the cracked open door, trying to get his attention while refraining from intruding too much. They must've knocked. He hadn't heard them. "Come in." He ran a hand through his hair, sitting up and attempting to make himself presentable in this state.

They poked their head in first before allowing their body to follow, shutting the door behind them. "I was passing by and heard your music." As they took a step closer, it was clear they quickly observed the little distressed details, no matter how much Lucifer had tried to hide them. "Are... you alright?" They hesitated to ask Pride such a question but found themselves asking anyway, sitting beside him on the couch. "Can I do anything for you?"

The demon's sin seemed to fizzle a little, dampened by the unease still swirling in his stomach. "Simply... stay with me for a little while." His hand gently reached down, touching their shoulder, his touch trailing down to their hand where he was simply content to let his palm settle on top of theirs. "Just your company puts me at ease," he sighed. The grip on his hand tightened, his eyes actually widening in surprise as his arm was tugged, his torso pulled down into a hug. A different sort of heat flooded his body as his cheeks tinted a flustered sort of pink. He quickly got over himself, shaking his head a little and actually chuckling. "I suppose this is fine too... Thank you."

[lil-melody-moon]

tempted to ask all of the ask game questions(or at least most of them if there are some you'd like to skip)

You ask, you shall get them!

1. What is you middle name?

Ewelina

2. How old are you?

Pushing 27 this year!

3. When is your birthday?

22nd of July

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Cancer

5. What is your favorite color?

I have two actually, purple and blue, this year I turn to blue mostly. Hence why my side blogs are in blue colour

6. What’s your lucky number?

7 or 9 I believe or any number that is uneven

7. Do you have any pets?

Lady canary who is showing her arse to me - it's the time of the year

8. Where are you from?

Poland

9. How tall are you?

162 cm, shorty really

10. What shoe size are you?

39 or 40, it depends on the shoe

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

In general? Umn... Around 8

12. What was your last dream about?

I was at some place with cute fluffy dogs that looked like orbs, I was playing with them, they were cute!

13. What talents do you have?

I have talent for writing and getting ideas out of thin air. You give me a prompt and I'm 99% sure I'll come up with something for either me x Uncle Ernie ship or me x Keith Moon ship

14. Are you psychic in any way?

My gut feeling is never wrong, so if it tells me something is not good for me, I listen to it. So far, decision made based on it were always good

15. Favorite song?

My beloved 💜

16. Favorite movie?

Do I even have one, huh... WAIT, I DO! "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

He would be my friend who I could laugh with and be stupid with. Also, we'd share our interests and were interested in one another. No shrugging or ignoring when the other rambles about a thing they got into lately

18. Do you want children?

YES. Not now, but when I'll have a job and perhaps find a guy who meets my criteria - what's above is not really anything big to wish for - I would be down for a kid or two

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Yeah, why not 💜

20. Are you religious?

Not that much, I don't attend masses, but I am faithful to Christianity, even if I find Asian religion interesting

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes, but not as patient.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Nope

24. Baths or showers?

Showers, they're quicker

25. What color socks are you wearing?

White!

26. Have you ever been famous?

I think not a big scale, but I have fans who like my fics, so I think that's a small amount of fame 💜

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Oh no no, I rather live my life in peace while nobody knows me

28. What type of music do you like?

Classic rock mostly, but heavy metal is not far away, specifically thrash metal

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope, didn't have a chance

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One, the one my grandma bought me years ago

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I usually sleep on my right side, but lately I can't sleep on it. Like usual when my period is running late or when it's coming.

32. How big is your house?

I live in a flat, 2 rooms, 1 kitchen, 1 bathroom and a hall.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Bread with something. Eggs, tomatoes, cheese, various things. I keep eating something else each day to not grow bored. Whatever comes to my mind I eat it.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope, guns are illegal in Poland

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Once at a school trip! I barely remember it, showed memories from primary school in the "forget it" basket in my brain

36. Favorite clean word?

"Ano", which can be roughly translated to "yeah"

37. Favorite swear word?

"Pierdolić", which can be roughly translated to "fucking". You can express everything with this one word

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

One whole day and night on a school trip because one bitch was snoring the entire night and I cannot fall asleep when I hear something

39. Do you have any scars?

Yes, on my right cheek from pimples

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Yes and he wrote to me a few days ago. I'm going to meet with him at Friday, telling him that I cannot be his girlfriend because his sudden confession after 6 years of not talking is weird, I don't have any shared interests with him and he's just boring. Also, asking to become his girlfriend after one full day of texting because we've talked for 3 months 6 years ago? Dude, I was 22 back then, I was a stupid idiot with a crush that disappeared long time ago.

41. Are you a good liar?

Yeah, when i have to I lie and nothing ever slipped

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Yeah I am. I can tell by the looks of someone if I'm gonna be on good terms with them or not

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Nope

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Yeah, I have Silesian accent and I also know the dialect so my voice varies from deep to very deep, depending if I'm talking in dialect or in Polish

45. What is your favorite accent?

As of now, British one, the one Keith had, not the Posh one - as always, I don't know how it is called XD

46. What is your personality type?

INFJ - random piece of trivia, based on this page, the same as Pete Townshend's and Serj Tankian's

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

The new jacket, paid for it 164 zloties I think

48. Can you curl your tongue?

YEAH

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

I don't know what that means, help XD

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Not entirely. If I see a bigger one, yeah, I might freak out, but normally with te small, house ones? No, they are more afraid of me than I am of them

52. Favorite food?

FISH OUO

53. Favorite foreign food?

Empanadas 💜

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Clean person

55. Most used phrased?

"Ya know"

56. Most used word?

Fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

At morning? An hour. Normally? 10 minutes and I'm out

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I used to have, but now I don't have it. I know my worth but I'm not above anyone

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck. Damn, I hadn't eaten a lollipop for a long time

60. Do you talk to yourself?

A lot! When I think out loud it's easier to think in general

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Not very often, but I did today, listening to "Quadrophenia"

62. Are you a good singer?

I like to think that I am XD

63. Biggest Fear?

Loosing people close to my heart, as in not letting go or something, just them dying

64. Are you a gossip?

Yeah, yeah I am, gossips are sometimes to die for IF they are not made up

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

I can put there any Chinese drama I've watched, but I'll put "Till the End of the Moon" here, still the best drama I've watched so far

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Long hair!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Nope- You really have 50 states? I can't remember 16 parts of my country, let alone 50 states XDDDD

68. Favorite school subject?

Polish! I love our literature

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Kinda in between? I was once a introvert, but I changed and now I'm leaning more to the extrovert side

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope

71. What makes you nervous?

Situations that stress me out, or the ones that make me recall the times I had the worst time of my life. The guy writing to me and asking me out unlocked the memories of when I was 22, I didn't like that one bit

72. Are you scared of the dark?

I think not. There was a moment in my life when I was, but that was due to me watching a found video footage horror at night

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Not very often, only when they ask me to check a text for corrections

74. Are you ticklish?

Yes, on my neck, tummy and calves

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Nope, I'm not kinda of bitch

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Nope

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Nope, I didn't have a droplet of alcohol in my mouth - sweets with alcohol don't count

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Nope

79. Who was your first real crush?

A guy in preschool, he was sweet. We've became friends and then a childhood crush happened

80. How many piercings do you have?

Two, one on each ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

What does that even mean? XDDD *goes to educate herself* OHHHHH, yeah I can do that!

82. How fast can you type?

Very fast, friends usually gawk when I type

83. How fast can you run?

I didn't run for a long time, I don't know

84. What color is your hair?

Dark brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Green

86. What are you allergic to?

I don't have allergies

87. Do you keep a journal?

Nope, I once wanted to do that, but it's not my thing

88. What do your parents do?

Sitting at home. My dad once worked at a coal mine, he retired a long time ago. Mum is a housewife

89. Do you like your age?

Yeah, I'm glad I'm past 24!

90. What makes you angry?

When someone interrupts me or don't listen to me

91. Do you like your own name?

I usually do, but I hate when people are using it as if they talked to a little girl. The last time I wanted to strangle the woman who called me "Karolinka" :)

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Only for a girl, I wanna name a girl "Małgorzata", "Margaret" in English

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I'm fine with both, don't have preferences

94. What are you strengths?

My sheer will to live and that I didn't kill myself in the last year and in the past

95. What are your weaknesses?

My emotions and short-temper. I'm very easy to cry out of anger, stress, and I'm even quicker to blow a gasket

96. How did you get your name?

My mum heard it while attending a party and she liked it

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I don't think so

98. Do you have any scars?

Hey, this question is repeated!

99. Color of your bedspread?

Light pink

100. Color of your room?

Blue and yellow, although I want to change the blue wallpaper to something lighter, I want this room to become more warm

[bisaster-energy]

you can tell me about your idea!!!

thank you so much 😭 it's kinda long sorry

SO i was listening to a song my sister like (Valerie, Amy Winehouse) and there's this line about ginger hair and it was just so specific ig it stuck with me? so im thinking man who do i know with red hair...DUH KUWABARA!!!

nearly every song i listen to gets assigned a character or ship or relationship of some sort idk why but yeah once i fixated on the hair i was able to expand on the rest of the song and a sort of idea settled in the back of my head about kuwameshi

we all know kuwabara is always the one getting left behind but what if while he's off doing his thing yusuke also feels that sense of loss? an absence even though it was his decision to up and leave. it makes no sense cos hey! you felt the need to go back to the demon realm bro but he cannot help how he feels left behind in some illogical sense. i made some notes 😤😤

centers round the time where yusuke goes back to makai after the whole sensui debacle and kuwabara is getting his education studying in prep for college (hell yeah boy !!) not sure if the timelines even match up like that but i literally dont care

i'm working under the canon divergence that keiko really did decide she's not gonna wait for urameshi like that but ofc she's still his bestie and he loves her sooooo much <3

so he's going back. he's a demon now so he feels drawn to the culture. it's a side of himself he's never known after feeling so othered ofc he's interested right?

i mean sure he grew up with other humans but almost everyone hated him/was scared of him ironically he was called a demon or monster or wtv

reactions like that are why he almost decided not to come back to life in the first place!! it wasn't a welcoming atmosphere and even his home didn't feel great cos his mom isn't exactly the mothering type

im all for deadbeat moms but the neglect will fuck a kid up. demon heritage or not

and he loves her and all but it's just all fucked up at home so he ended up wandering around a lot being mad about his shitty life and he likes fighting so that's what he did!

and obviously in makai this behavior isnt like. crazy or uncalled for

but yeah the only connections he's got to ningenkai is his mom, keiko (her parents by extension) and of course kuwabara; the only friends he managed to not scare off

anyway. you get it. so yusuke is back in makai and without his permission his mind keeps wandering to kuwabara who he hasn't seen in let's say. a year and some change? i'll decide later but A While

and like. last time he was in the demon world kuwa was WITH him yknow? like yeah the world was ending but it feels weird without him even if he is having a blast fighting with his new demon buddies and acquaintances

so he's a little distracted when he literally came here to fight he cant even focus on it

"how is college prep treating him? are the teachers there just as bad as middle school? did he make new human friends? a girlfriend?" basically he's spiraling over changes he might be missing out on this very moment

there's a bunch of talk in the song where the singer wonders if valerie dyed her hair if she's busy if she ever paid that fine if she sold her house if she got a man so that's where i got it lol

yusuke doesn't have to worry about kurama and hiei cos hey they're from here and have lived way longer and they actually do visit but who knows what typa shit could be happening to kuwa right now

ofc he can take care of himself he's really strong but yusuke can't help but remember that time he let kuwabara go when he shouldn't have and he almost died because he wasn't there and yeah. he's worried. sue him

so it's half worry half wistfulness and maybe some other secret third thing and when hiei and maybe kurama (depending on how the idea forms as i write) come to visit or maybe they're also participating wtv

he cant help but think well kuwabara could be here with us if he really WANTED to :/ he's got the jigen to down pat by now so...why hasn't he...

and those old but ever remaining insecurities resurface about how people don't wanna be around him they think he's a nuisance at best no good waste of time a trouble maker. keiko already dumped my sorry ass so who knows maybe kuwabara just...wisened up

hiei and kurama are like this bitch is back on his bullshit (affectionate)

they manage to weedle his worries out of him hiei ofc trying to act like he doesnt really care (he cares a lot) "you must not have much faith in kuwabara if you think he'd abandon you just from some time apart. and i thought HE was the oaf between the two of you"

kurama with his fox self is like "well yes hiei is right of course kazuma is too loyal to do something like that. but he is human...the only human of us now."

yusuke is like wth is that supposed to mean on the defensive even tho kurama is their friend and hasn't even said anything untrue and hiei narrows his eyes a bit maybe but is still acting like this doesn't really concern him

"i just mean that...from what i've learned about humans over the time i've spent with them...time feels different. we demons live such long lives that when faced with the human lifespan well...it can be laughable to some. that's why demons can be so callous about their lives."

yusuke just wants him to get to the point ofc "what i'm saying is we don't need a lot of contact with each other to keep relationships fresh and healthy but, kuwabara might be a little different. 3 years will do nothing to your bond but...i do worry about longer periods..."

and he seems to just trail off and it just gets quiet and a little sad and hiei isn't looking at them anymore

kurama starts again pretty cheerfully tho "well, don't worry! i'm planning on staying in the human world for quite some time once i'm done with this visit! i do have the company to take care of so i'll make sure to see kazuma all the time! i'll even send him a message from you if you want to say anything :)"

kurama has deliberately been using kuwa's first name knowing damn well urameshi doesn't even use it because this dude is not JUST a sweetie he's a fucking master manipulator. gaslight gatekeep bbg

yusuke is like okay yeah no new plan i'll just go see him now. no need for a middle man thanks anyway and then he's just gone. left the tournament early. like bruh that's what you came here for 😐

so yeah he's breaking into kuwa's house next thing you know and ofc he goes through the window not the door like a normal person and he just kinda stops short because he hasn't seen his friend in what feels like forever even though it's only been like a year or so but he just looks so different

and yeah a big part might be the hair he's never seen without that popadour, long soft copper coils, and he's somehow even bigger than when yusuke left him jesus when did he get so swole? when did he have time in between all those brainiac classes

yusuke knows he's bound to look a lil different too ofc i mean they weren't kids anymore really but like. when they hell did you go and grow up?

"next time i come back is this even gonna be your house anymore? will you still wanna hang out with dropout delinquent demon urameshi?" he gets so insecure in so little time

anyway kuwabara didn't sense him at first cos yusuke isn't a threat and he never really thought he'd be coming especially not yet but when he does notice

kuwabara just gets the biggest goofiest grin he's like urameshi you dog when the hell did you get back in town you're early!!

and yusuke is significantly eased by this reaction but now he feels stupid cos he up a left everything just to what? bother kuwabara while he studies to achieve his dreams? yusuke has got no human world aspirations like keiko had. like kurama has. like kuwabara.

and ofc kuwabara looks glad to see him but he wasn't desperate enough to just show up like yusuke had just done and he feels like a pathetic loser so he pouts

he's like yeah hey man just uh. checking in. and i should probably check out hah you seem busy with your books so im gonna scram and he tries to retreat through the window

and ofc kuwa is NOT letting him get away

and there's that desperation yusuke had selfishly wanted to see. kuwabara had just grabbed him without thinking even though he'd promised himself when urameshi left he wasn't gonna just sit around waiting for his life to start when he came back

he remembers when yusuke took him into that headlock and he wanted to succeed like he said he would that day

but still he's just thinking about urameshi all the time and it's awful. he always said he was gonna beat him some day but he just wanted to be near him. but all he sees is his back, even right now

part ii cos it's too many words!

[inkedmoth]

STORY TIME!

So a few years back I found a song that I absolutely loved, it really resonated with me and a story I was writing for my own world. It was called "Hell or High Water" by the Rescuers. It fit the storyline perfectly, and I was quick to slap it into a playlist for that story, liked it on youtube, all those usual things you do with a new song you like!

But I didn't buy it.

I never buy music, I listen to spotify and youtube and that's all I need. But it was a mistake not to buy this song, because out of the blue a few months ago, that band deleted and removed ALL their songs from the internet.

Gone. Scrubbed overnight and without a word to their social media.

Needless to say that was a little upsetting but after So. Much. Digging. I found an acoustic version of the song from when they'd performed at a small venue. It wasn't the same, didn't have the same resonance or weight, but it was the same tune and lyrics so it would do. I accepted that the song was gone and that I probably wouldn't listen to it in full again.

Until last night.

Last night I decided to google Hell or High Water. It had been on my mind a lot recently, and maybe it was a last ditch attempt to see if there was any news or updates from the band. It had been a few months, maybe there was a development, an explanation as to the lost music, or maybe there was nothing. I wasn't really holding out hope for any changes, but I thought I'd check their socials at least.

I didn't get that far, because the first result was a reddit page.

A group of users were ALSO asking the same question, wondering the same things, discussing the removal in preparation of a musical coming out. The Lost Boys Musical.

BUT a user had found a copy of my missing song, tucked away in the middle of a pirate themed playlist on youtube. It existed! It was real! I'd not dreamt the whole thing up! There was a copy and while it had rigging creaking and water sloshing overlaid, it was THERE!

Now remember it's midnight I'm in bed, with my phone's speaker pressed to my ear grinning like a lunatic. While I'd love to leave a comment there and then, I decided to leave it till morning.

I needn't have bothered.

Because all tucked up in bed, I decided to scroll down to read the comments and to see if any of the reddit users had commented, I found they had! In fact, one had specifically asked the maker of the playlist if they had heard of this songs removal, if they knew anything about the band. Or if they had a copy.

Not only did the playlist maker have a copy, they immediately slapped it into a google drive and posted a PUBLIC LINK!

I've never hit a download link so quickly or so recklessly in. my. life.

But I have it back! I have a copy on my phone and my laptop and now this atmospheric-slightly-too-much-sound-effect playlist, but you know what that is great! Its fantastic! This song was utterly lost and gone but now I have a copy and I'm SO SO HAPPY. I've been listening to it on repeat all morning because I've missed it so much.

BUT WAIT there's more!

The reason this song has been plaguing me so much recently, is because it's a perfect fit to one of my fic plans. The fic, which I intend to call "Hell or High Water", is named for the song. The lyrics fit perfectly to various scenes, the vibe of desperation and determination is a perfect fit. The fic is made for the song and the song is made for the fic, to the point where I couldn't write this without the song, and I'm legitimately considering sneaking the lyrics in here and there to the story. The acoustic version was okay, but it wasn't right, but now I have the original and everything is perfect.

So I'm taking this as a sign, and I'm going to start plotting this fic. And since I'm in such a great mood, I'm also going to share a big chunk of a scene I've already written for it.

I'm so happy.

I'm so looking forwards to writing this, and I can't wait to share it with you guys.

[gnvrh]

LifeOr… Simple

ㅤㅤ🎧 Listening To: Simple by Katy Perry and Simple by Joan ㅤㅤ📺 Watching: Supernatural Season One ㅤㅤ📖 Reading: Gossip Girl: I Like It Like That by Cecily von Ziegesar

My birthday cake tastes like a good idea I had last minute mixed with the exact type of pastry I wanted to have without even knowing. My mind wanders around the decisions I made either out of uncontrollable anger or calculated determination. It's true when they say that without your past you couldn't have arrived where you are, with all the knowledge created by scars that, before healing, hurt you like salt being poured on exposed skin; but sometimes the answer lies in things you buried deep down, beneath all the rusty armor you threw in unorganized piles, so quickly you needed to change them, every time you had to create a new defense for the arrows the archers were throwing at you when you were on the prey side of the spinning wheel. I know, I've said it a thousand times before, "nostalgia is a mind's trick" or "I know I wasn't all happy back then", but one thing, one small thing, is both true and worth visiting when it comes to the hours and days that no mortal soul will ever be able to come back to: the simplicity of it all.

Today I can't see my life without coffee (or worse addictions like drugs or sex apps), writing on my online journal (while keeping my physical one gathering dust with its last entry from April 10th during a speech class), while creating boards on my Pinterest (made up basically of blond boys which at this point just became a funny obsession that I use as a joke with my friends), but there was a day when none of that existed. One day I was just a kid coming back from my newspaper stand job with a horoscope magazine ready to see what my new Gemini year would bring to me. The rain was pouring outside and the TV had Supernatural on (season one, episode 4, Phantom Traveler, where there was a demon on an airplane). No cellphone. No broken heart. Not a million songs to listen to or a million TV shows to choose from. Just a little bit of everything and endless possibilities that only youth can unknowingly bring you.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to have a simple life. After so many changes — that includes situations from having a nervous breakdown a few months ago at school, to starting to name things I never named before (like "overstimulation" and "crash out"), and thinking that I might have ADHD —, everything that gives you power to understand who you are can also kill you slowly. Another thing I know I've said a thousand times is "awareness is killing me", which is just another simple truth. I wonder how it felt to live life without these names. I wonder how it felt to live life without doubting I could be me and I could make friends. This specific fear is in the past now, but I know I am a broken record. I remember everything. Today I walked by the place that used to have the bench that me and this guy would sit on after he had told me things that, unknowingly, would change my destiny forever, and I saw that the city council had torn it down. I stared at the empty space thinking about how that part of my recent history didn't physically exist anymore and how I wish they could also tear down my memories just as easily. Again, this specific memory is in the past now, but I know I am a rememberer. But of all things I wish I could remember, it was how simple everything really was.

These days I was looking for something to watch, and among the many movies I had on my watchlist, I couldn't find anything worth it. I struggled to find something that I would really like, even with so many options. That's when I decided that I didn't want to waste time picking something to watch if I never really intended to watch it in the first place. The amount of bad movies I've watched recently is insane. My goal is to always watch good things that make me feel inspired to come back here and write about it, but that's not how things work anymore with all the fast-food content of movies that are released digitally in less than a month after their theatrical release (or artists who release a lot of songs all the time just to try to stay relevant, in a sea of a thousand new songs coming out every week). I'm not saying it's all bad (for all that matters, I love seeing artists that I love, like Taylor, releasing huge albums every few months because I mean... I love music!) but sometimes I stop to pay attention to how many songs I love and then forget because someone released another song that I also love (and another movie, another TV show, and so on). So while scrolling to pick the next watch, I just said "fuck it" and settled down for a movie I had watched many, many times before: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Man, it was the best decision ever. My heart felt so full as I watched the movie ending with Michael and Kat's characters going down an escalator at Pennsylvania Station in New York, and that was when I decided that I would only watch what I have a real intention to. Things that I love. No matter if I had wacthed it before (it's not like I'll die having wacthed everything the world has ever created anyway). That's why I rewatched A Cinderella Story a few days before. And that's why I decided to rewatch Supernatural (even though I never finished and still don't intend to because after season 3 it just sucks — even though seasons 4 and 5 still felt watchable), which brought me back to that rainy blue day I mentioned before.

Could it ever be simple with me, though? It's true I'm learning how to be more centered now that I have real love around me with my friends, but I still know that, if there's one thing about me, it's that I'm not lowkey at all. When Taylor sings “and if I’m bleeding you’ll be the last to know”, I just know I could never relate to that because I need to let someone know. I need to put it out there. That's the whole reason why I have this blog that reached more than 100 entries up to now. With the many things we have now, I just can't let it all stay hidden underneath my carpet as if dust were stories told at drunken midnights. Secrets are not a funny thing to carry around, because they make me feel as though my skin is some sort of blanket they would crawl into and make a nest knowing that, for being secrets, they would never come out and so their solitude would be forever and they would stay safe and sound until I disintegrate. Nope, that's not me. I came to the conclusion I can't carry secrets. I can't know things I can't express. Too many things around can create too many things inside and, trust me, I already have too many things going in my head. I have too many examples of how I take too long to do the simplest things at home or at work. I have too many instances of me second-guessing whatever would be my next move because I couldn't stop overthinking if I should leave the house and do groceries, or go to the gym first, or shave my beard, or just read a book. And if I ever got offended whenever my friends said I'm always late, now I know that I am (I will take my time getting ready and being fashionable and scented thank you very much).

It all sounds so dramatic. I know. It's just the way my life has always been. But now, specifically, it's more tangible as I watch my time being controlled by other things. With this crazy new schedule, tiring habits, and new habitats, my brain chemicals are boiling. The highs feel too high and the lows too low. Now whenever I would drink from the Milky Way and drive constellations of bright lights, there is an opposite force waiting to cast me away to the roots of my undying hell. And that's just me quoting a song I wrote because I think it's just an awesome metaphor. And even though I feel like I am much better mentally and spiritually, I still wish I wasn’t carrying all the resentment I carry for this specific thing I'm too scared to mention because it could be used (again) against me. It still hurts even though it makes so much sense to me now that it's more about relationship dynamics then about me in particular. But if in one part of my life I still feel like I will have to create even more armours, the other is showing that, for the first time in a very long time, I’m not the one being left behind.

I know, at this point I'm just throwing everything into a blender (as if I'm making this new drink I'm obsessed with called Caffè Frappé, which is amazing for my taste buds but definitely not friendly to my body) and writing about a thousand things at once. But see? That's what I'm talking about. There's just too much going on. It's no surprise I'm desperately wanting to feel like life is simple again. Like I'm not in a race with anyone. And that this phase of my life is temporary but also very instructive. After all, if there's one thing about me, it's that I realized how I'm living my best life now. My pictures never looked more aesthetic, my friendships never felt more full of love, and there's not a single part of my body that I hate. All the uncertainties may take my breath away for a second or two, but I'm trusting the process. And I'm learning to never, ever, overstay my welcome. I'll be leaving at the slightest sign that I'm not enjoyed or that I'm not enjoying. Maybe that's what simplicity is all about.

[whereismycanonevent]

Albums that are important to me Pt. 1

I wanted to write for a while but didn't really know what, so I thought I'm gonna make a list about my favourite albums, talking about them and explaining why are they important to me. Also, sorry for the grammatical errors, I usually write them in the morning so I get my thoughts without "filters" (I'll correct them in time).

Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly (2015)

I wasn't really a big album guy until a few years ago, until I gave this album a listen. I've heard so many good things about this record, so I decided to sit down and listen to it from start to finish. And Damn. Completely changed my mind not only on music, but album wise as well. I always thought an album should be banger after banger and replayable all the time, but that's not the case at all. You can also tell a story, share your thoughts and also share yourself. Hood Politics stood out for me for sure. I always love when an artist/author talk about themselves in another perspective. Especially negatively. It's so difficult to be vulnerable around people, even to close friends, but to put it out to the world? Can't even imagine. Personally, I don't listen to this album all the time, but I have a really special place in my heart for it.

Favourite songs: King Kuta, These Walls, i, Alright, Momma, U, You Ain't Gotta Lie, Hood Politics

Mac Miller - Swimming (2018)

Swimming is one of those records that I could listen to all the time. Mac Miller was such a unique soul. I remember when me and my friend were blasting Self Care almost everyday. It was our jam. Then we had a sleepover and when I woke up the next day, my twitter was flooded with his passing. When I got home and listened to the album again, it hit me differently. Especially the line on the song "Self Care" "... like september I fall".

Throughout the record he openly talks about his drug issues and his mental problems, but also how much he changed and learned throughout his years. Despite this, he still looked for a better future he knew he could get through everything and did not want to give up by any means. The amount of emotions that he put in this album is insane. I'm getting overwhelmed just by thinking about it. Favourite songs: What's the Use?; Self Care, Ladders, Conversation Pt. 1, Come Back to Earth, Hurt feelings, Jet Fuel, Small Worlds

Mac Miller - Circles (2020) This is the continuation of Swimming and some people consider these two albums as the same hence the name "Swimming in Circles". I remember when "Good News" dropped as a single. I cried my eyes out. At the time I was dealing with mental problems and that song was really a nail in the head. Perfectly described me and I listened the absolute shit out of it. Couldn't wait for the whole album (which was a week later). And oh boy, it destroyed me (in a good way of course). Even now, as I listened to it to refresh my memories, hearing that first bassline and the synth joining in on the first song "Circles" made me so emotional and ready to cry (again). I have left so many emotions in those songs, that everytime I listen to them they reappear. Like when you tear up an almost healed wound or when you go to your old room and you get back every memory for a few seconds. Or even when you catch an old smell that reminds you of your childhood or a specific memory. Every. Damn. Time. I mean I got to a point where I hold these memories rather appreciatively, kindly. Because after all this time I feel better now and I learned so much thanks to them. And this is the point of this album also. To change. To get better. Not to forget, but to appriciate and learn from your mistakes. I can't thank Mac enough because of these two albums. Fun fact, on the last song "Once a Day" the ending chord is actually an "unstable" chord. And as the album repeats, on "Circles" the first chord is a "stable" one. Which means that not only the album title is "Circles", but the album itself is a never ending circle. Favourite songs: Circles, Good News, Everybody, Woods, Surf, Once a Day

Sticky Fingers - Caress Your Soul (2013)

StiFi is one of those bands that found me at the perfect time. When I was reading through the JoJo's Bizzare Adventures series, one of the characters, Bruno Bucciarati has a stand called "Sticky Fingers". I didn't know which album/band was that so I searched it up, well, originally it was named after The Rolling Stones album from 1971, but I found these guys as well. To be honest I didn't check them out, but Spotify had a different plan. The next week, they appeared on my discover weekly page with the song "Teenage Vertigo" (I still think that song is the least StiFi song ever), I liked it so I added to my library. And it took me year to really gave their discography a listen. I was instanly hooked. Every album has a different vibe, personality and overall mood. But the one that stands out to me is definitely Caress Your Soul (even though the band fucking hates it). I can't really explain the genre of it, some people would call it alternative. Well that's partly true, I would call it a blend of reggae and pshyc rock? Or pop? Difficult to wrap my head around it. One song can be psychedelic inspired the other one reaggae style, another one is just alternative rock, it's a lot. Mainly that's why I absolutely adore this album. Around a year ago I had a really bad mental breakdown and I was always listening to this album. It got me to a better headplace and picked me up from the ground. It was a miracle. If you could see my Spotify history, I listened to this record; Every. Single. Day. The opening track "How to Fly" always gets me in a better mood, almost calms me down. Every time I hear it, it brings a smile on my face (maybe because I got high on it all the time). Also they dedicated an entire song to Laika, the russian dog who got sent out the space, hello??? The song feels already sad enough, but after you learn the history behind it, you'll feel even worse. It also helped me get better with the guitar, I learned so much in such a short time. Most of my chord knowledge, techniques come from this album and from this band, being grateful would be an understatement. Aussies definitely know how to make music, they have it in their blood. Favourite songs: How to Fly, Caress Your Soul, Clouds & Cream, Bootleg Rascal, Laika, Kiss the Breeze

Turnstile - GLOW ON (2021)

Being blessed by Spotify's Discover Weekly again, "I Don't Wanna Be Blind" from their previous album "Time & Space" instantly got my attention. The bassline, the punchy drums, the catchy guitar riffs and the dreamy yet attention catching vocals brought it together. But I didn't listen to their other stuff until a while later when one of my close friend showed me the video for "MYSTERY" and "TURNSTILE LOVE CONNECTION". I was blown away, the videoclip is so well produced, perfectly fit the music as well. Then I decided to listen through the entire album and I'm not gonna lie, It got me mesmerised. The cover art matches the vibe as well. It went on repeat the entire day. They definitely found their voice with this album. The way they mix hardcore punk with this dreamy sound, it's mind blowingly works. What really stood out to me was the drum parts. Daniel Fang is a fantastic and versatile drummer. Still bringing the hardcore punk feeling, he also mixes it with latin and samba style grooves, like on the track "DON'T PLAY", that groove with the catchy guitar riffs?? Should I dance or should I go into a moshpit?? Why does it work so well??? They know when to be aggressive and know when to pull back just to punch you in the face with a heavy part. Like how "MYSTERY' ends and how "BLACKOUT" starts. Always pumps me up. Favourite songs: MYSTERY, BLACKOUT, HOLIDAY, WILD WRLD, ALIEN LOVE CALL, T.L.C. If you read it until this point, thank you! I've planned this out a few days ago, but I'm really happy how it turned out. It was also great, to give another listen to these albums. I'm trying to post the second part as soon as possible.

[chidoroki]

Ron Kamonohashi EP1&2

aka: sad yet silly fool full of passion claims a place in my heart

EP1:

Felt the desire to pick up something else this season and this was the only other series that struck me, mostly because of the slight psycho pass vibes I get from the summary and a couple voice actors I recognize.. but also.. Ron caught my eye real quick, so here I am.

“You’ve been fooled by a culprit and let them get away twice, haven’t you?” “Three times.” Oh this poor lad. At least he’s honest with his mistakes.

I think I honestly prefer Ron with the messy hair rather than how snazzy he looked in that old photo.

Is this dude capable of telepathy that he can hear Totomaru’s thoughts without even seeing him?

The baggy sweatpants and jacket along with his hair covering his eyes? Oh yeah, he strikes my fancy. The odd mark on his neck intrigues me too, unless it’s a tattoo, but even then that also checks off a box of mine.

“Your eyes are so dead now! They don’t reflect the light at all!” Well that’s where you’ll come in Totomaru, be the shining light that brings some excitement back into this depressed man’s life again!

This man really just flopped on the floor outta nowhere.. his level of laziness is such a mood.

“I’ve hit the depths of despair.” “Rock bottom, you mean?” “But for some reason, I don’t want to say it.” “Then… don’t?” This exchanged shouldn’t have made me laugh that hard and yet here we are.

Yo hold up, Ron figured out Totomaru has been to a shrine due to the pollen on his shoulder, the unopened can of coffee and spare change in his pocket but how the hell did he notice all that when he originally made that comment about the shrine while the our boy was still in the hallway? Unless that speaker outside also had a camera.. but still. Such tiny, specific details to notice.

Ron’s just as good as professor Saiga with reading people.

I wish to hear more about this fatal flaw of yours sir that prevents you from pursuing your passion of being a detective.

“If I take sleeping pills to knock me out for three days. it’ll be fine!” Uh I’m pretty sure you won’t be though!!

The mark on his neck sorta looks like a 96 with a four-pointed star in the middle.

Ron may be a hermit but the dude works out hm?

I knew this guy was something special but talking to corpses like they’re an old friend is definitely an odd sight to witness. Hilarious of course with how he acts, but still creepy nonetheless.

Oohh we got a clear shot of his eyes! Pretty!!

Ah, he’s gonna set up Totomaru as the next victim isn’t he?

Why am I so fascinated by a man who enjoys lying outside on the streets so casually..

Oh no way, the barber is the culprit? He’s been drowning dudes in the sink?

Damn, he figured out the killer was a barber since all the victim’s hair were grown out and they wanted to get fixed up before their special events. Ron is too good.

Mhhhhmm his mood changed entirely up on the rooftop.

Did he just control the barber’s mind to make him jump? Ron certainly had some freaky stuff happening with his eyes..which I would like to see more of because they’re gorgeous.

Oh thank god Totomaru saved him, but Ron! Help the boy lift the guy up! Don’t just stand there having an epiphany!

“Apparently, I always pressure the culprits to death.” Yeeaah that’s kinda a big problem. A 100% solve rate is nice but not if ya can't arrest anyone.

At least he agrees to work with our newbie now.

EP2:

That’s it! It’s Kei who Ron reminds me of during his younger days when his hair is looking all fancy like that.

The OP is such an upbeat song to listen to while they’re running around finding dead bodies..

Ron solved one case and now he’s full of energy. A drastic change but good for him!

I love how much information he can gather from just looking at a simple photo.

Pftt that was such a swift outfit change too. I say our man is ready for the next case regardless of how low priority it is.

I’m in awe of how silly Ron’s interactions are with almost everything and everyone. I had clearly miss the comedy tag before starting this but I love it.

I bet ya anything it’s the sister who’s sneaking money outta the piggy bank.

Is he gonna do that eye catching hair flick every episode because if so I wanna say thank you to the animators now.

I’ll be damned, the petty case was actually part of the murder mystery. I did correctly catch on that it was the older sister who “stole” the money, I just would’ve never imagined she smashed said piggy bank over the head of her stalker, effectively killing him.

Ohhh Ron you gotta chill out, you’re making those pretty, mind controlling eyes again!

Amamiya has known Ron for like five minutes and she’s already smitten. Same here, sweetie.

“Well, this makes today a special occasion.” Yeah? What’s that? The day my heart adopts another fictional man? I admitted that already. Welcome.

Oh? It’s not just the on mark on his neck, he’s got several all over his body.

“I believe I’m best suited to the task.” Does this purple haired man at BLUE share a voice actor with Friede?? Lowkey scared and impressed I was able to pick up on that from just one line if correct.

Mhhmm even the ending song has a pleasantly hopeful vibe.

[heyitskibs]

Okay, time to actually analyze some songs.

Damaged Goods

I thought it'd be fitting to start with the song that is the reason I started thinking of TNC songs in connection to Malevolent in the first place. (Mostly because I was listening to Myth part 1 on repeat when I started listening to Malevolent lol)

This song just really hits the same vibe as Arthur and John's relationship to me. If I had to give it a specific vibe, I'd say seasons 1 and 2 of Malevolent.

A big part of what connects this song to Malevolent to me is that both John and Arthur feel damaged from the things they've done and the things life has put them through. Although the first part of the song feels particularly Arthur-coded to me.

"Come touch the hole in my chest

I keep closed up with duct tape

And superglue"

Calls to Arthur's lack of coping mechanisms. He tucks his traumas and self-loathing into the back of his mind and acts like it's all fine when he's never actually taken the proper steps toward healing.

"I have been scratching this itch for so long

Now the bone's started showing through"

This line makes me go feral. Because that's what Arthur does! He just keeps scratching away at the pain he feels because that's what he thinks he deserves. And eventually, in season 3, he does get to the place where bone shows through, there's nothing to mask how he feels, and he almost dies over it.

"And boy, you'd best believe me

Don't you dare come near me"

Arthur keeps people at an arms distance a lot because of how many people he's lost in his life (and how many of those people whose deaths he feels personally responsible for, which is practically one whole circle).

"I'm a wreck, I'm a mess

I'm an injoke to my friends

And they don't think I hеar the awful

Things they say about me"

This stanza always makes me think about when Arthur talks about Bella in season 2. How his friend chewed him out for not being with Bella as she was delivering Faroe in the hospital.

"Sometimes it's a little like

We speak a different kind of language

To everyone else in the world"

The obvious connection with these lines is that John is stuck in Arthur's head and (typically) only Arthur can hear him. But I also think it speaks to their synchronicity, both in how they manage to pilot Arthur's body rather smoothly and in how they know exactly how to hit each other where it hurts.

"You say something too quiet

To hear in a crowd

But I read the bite wounds on your lips"

Says much the same as the previous lines, but I still think they're worth highlighting.

Okay! Now we're getting to the part that haunts my dreams! That I'd want to see in an animatic!

"Wait, I know your face from somewhere

I think I saw you in a nightmare

We were dancing on the blackened banks

Of a river made of fire"

Huge Dreamlands energy! The first two lines relates to John being a part of the King in Yellow (but also a reference to the dream the KiY gave Arthur in season 1), and the latter two lines give me imagery of Arthur and John trekking through the desert in the Dreamlands.

"One missed step and I could lose you

We could leave here if we choose

But we are both cold-blooded creatures

And we'd freeze out there"

In my brain animatic, this stanza would cover the finale of season 2. The vibes match Arthur and John both choosing to sacrifice themselves for the other instead of choosing their autonomy, which was their entire goal for the first two seasons. (There's also a fun little nod to Coda if you squint. Just enough that, if I did make an animatic, I would show Arthur laid out in the snow for that last line)

"Wrap yourself around me, baby

Like a tag around my ankle"

This couplet makes me go crazy just on its own, but like... god if it doesn't fit John and Arthur so well. They're keeping each other alive. They're killing each other. They can't bear to live without each other. It makes me ill. Also, bringing back the hypothetical animatic, these lines are great imagery for Arthur's coma.

One last little add-on for this song: the bit of story at the end of the track really reminds me of the forest in the Dreamlands, and now I can never separate them in my mind.

Every Narcissist Cookbook song is about Malevolent if you try hard enough.

[lecl3rq]

ONLY EXCEPTION.

I have no idea what song u should listen to, so just read it and decide it urself ig??? idk

pairings : mcu!peter parker x fem!reader

summary : peter is the only exception.

warnings : shitty home life.

a/n : this fic is kinda based on me just not the meeting peter and avengers and the ages lols!! and tony being the readers father figure >>> also pls if this kinda hints at the reader having daddy issues im so sorry 😭😭 and theres also not a lot of dialogue cause i work better that way.

You didn't have a very good illustration of love, your parents got divorced when you were about 7 years old, before that, they fought for about 3 years of your life. You didn't remember clearly what it was about, all you remembered was, your dad cheating on her, your mom seeing other guys behind his back, and all that.

Then, when they got divorced, you stayed with your mom, only seeing your dad once every two weeks, she found a new guy, she loved him, he loved her, at least before they got married, they fought almost every night, ignored each other, they can't have one single conversation without it turning into fights.

So, since then, you hated- no despised the idea of love, but at the same time, you craved love, you needed it. You went to every guy that could give you attention and validation or just love, but when they wanted something more serious, you ran. You couldn't handle it, not after seeing what your parents went through.

Then, you met the avengers, tony to be specific, you met him when you were 14 years old, he became like a father to you, he gave you food, drinks, pocket money, protection, love, not that kind, the love a father is supposed to give you.

You met peter through him, he told you that he was going to recruit someone your age and maybe you could get along well with him, and you did, you guys were best friends, inseparable, you two were a package deal, then you caught feelings for him, because he gave you attention, that was directed to you and only you, and he also gave you validation, and you liked that, and well him.

Then a couple months later he asked you out, you were skeptical because you didn't want to get hurt, so you contemplated on saying no, but he treated you right, he listened to you, he was there for you, he was your shoulder to cry on, he was everything you ever wanted but you were scared. You said yes anyways.

So now, you guys have been dating for over a year, and you've been the happiest you've ever been.

"Hey, parker" you greeted as you walked into his room in the avengers compound, "Hey, sunshine" he greets back, turning around his chair to look at you, smiling. "What're you doing" you asked, a sigh leaving your lips as you set yourself down on his oh so comfortable bed, "I was studying for a math test i have tomorrow, you should too, you know" He answered, "We have different schedules, babe, i already did my test like 2 days ago" you chuckled, "Oh yeahh, i forgot" he said.

He stood up from his chair, and walked over to you, "Scooch, make some space for me" He said, since you were laying down in the middle of the bed, hands and legs spread out, you whined, but still moving. Peter lays down as you layed your head down on his bicep, his hands making their way to your hair and playing with them.

You sighed, you did not think that you would be in this position right now, in the arms of your dream boy, being in a relationship, you genuin-

"Hey, sunshine?" He asked cutting off the train of thoughts you had in your mind, his eyes looking at you, "Yeah?" You said in a questioning tone, eyebrows furrowed together, looking at him, "I love you" He confessed, his lips moving to make a nervous smile.

You gulped, you wanted to run, you wanted to bury yourself 6 feet underground, you wanted to just leave and start a whole new life, but you knew you couldn't, you had to confront it this time, so you sat up, and looked at him, opening your mouth to say something but no words come out.

Peter felt like he made a mistake saying it, not that his feelings are a mistake, like obviously he has a right to say them but naybe not now, cause right now he felt scared that you didn't feel the same way as him, but then again you guys have been in a relationship for a year now, but what if you were planning on breaking up with him or somet-

"Peter" you said his name, uncertainty lacing your voice, biting the inside of your cheeks, "yeah?" he said, "I- um I love you too" You smiled at him, he felt all the nervousness and worries leave his body the moment you said those 3 words, smiling back at you, he sat up, hands cupping your cheeks, "Can i kiss you?" He asked for permission, god, what did you do to deserve him, you nodded, and so he leaned in, capturing your lips, eyes closing.

You guys pulled away, foreheads resting against each others, maybe you hated love but peter, he was the only exception.